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polyamorous-triad-blog · 9 years

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My Personal Triad

So I’m polyamorous. You probably got that already from the blog name. I’m in a polyamorous triad with a man and another woman. We’ve been in this relationship for just a little over four years, and we love each other completely (and in all ways).

There’s me (Joanna), Sasha, and George. We have a great “group” relationship. The three of us have sex, go out on dates, get into fights, make up, make plans, talk about our finances, split up housework, consider vacations, and discuss parenting methods.

We also have personal relationships. Sometimes, Sasha and I have sex. Sometimes we go out on dates. Sometimes we fight, or plan, or go shopping, or bake cookies together. Sometimes Sasha and George do these things together. Sometimes, it’s just George and I.

We don’t try for equality. We don’t sit there and plan out to make sure we’re spending equal amounts of time with each other and as a whole. We just live our lives, and we’re happy.

We don’t have sex with other people, really. It’s just the three of us.

There are so many aspects to relationships and polyamorous relationships. I want to share my lifestyle (because I can, okay?), so I’ll try to talk about some highlights. Then I’ll go into detail on certain ones whenever I’m bored and need to write something longwinded.

ARE WE IN THE CLOSET?!?!

No. All of our families know about our relationship. It wasn’t easy to tell them all, but once we’d decided that our relationship was forever (we even had a little commitment ceremony), we knew it was something we’d have to do.

For the most part, it turned out okay. My parents and sister were completely supportive. Sasha’s family took a bit of time to warm up to the idea, but eventually came to support the relationship in it’s entirety. George’s family is a bit back and forth. His mother doesn’t speak to us, and his father pretends that Sasha is a “family friend” of ours, but always sends her a gift for Christmas and invites her to Thanksgiving.

Our friends know too, and we don’t hide it from people we meet. On occasion, if Sasha and I are out somewhere on a date alone, we might not correct people who assume we’re gay, but that’s as close to closeted as we get.

WHAT, DID YOU SAY YOU HAVE CHILDREN????

We do. George and I have actually been together for almost nine years, and we have a seven year old son. Sasha has a four year old daughter from a previous relationship. We met her right after the baby was born.

So how do we parent? How do our kids view our relationship?

Alicia was a baby when we got together. She doesn’t remember a time when all three of us weren’t her parents. She has a dad and two moms. She calls us “Daddy”, “Mommy S”, and “Mommy J.”

Michael was three when we got together. For him, Sasha was more of a step-mother for a while. He listened to her and respected her, but for a while there was still seperation. About a year and a half ago, though, he started to call her “Mommy S” (we let him choose when he was comfortable with this - and he started using this title after our commitment ceremony), and he now introduces her as his “mom” to his teachers, and friends.

Michael has always treated Alicia as his little sister. There’s never been anything but sibling love (...and rivalry) between them.

We parent together. We make group decisions on how to raise them, what to teach them, what to feed them, all of that. The same as any parents would. Of course... they have three parents to try to run to instead of two.

MORE ON KIDS LATER. IN ANOTHER POST. This will be a year long if I keep talking about kids. It’s a huge thing. But no, they’re not harmed.

Finances?

Yeah, we do our finances together. We’re all on the same phone plan. We don’t have any sort of seperation. We even make financial decisions as a team. Imagine that?!

Jealousy? Are you jealous of each other?

I don’t think so. I can’t speak for Sasha and George, but I know that I’m happy that they care for each other. It’d kind of suck if they didn’t, you know? If Sasha hated George, I wouldn’t get to be with both of them, know what I mean?

The only jealousy I ever feel is when the two of them are out doing something together. But don’t misunderstand. I’m not jealous that Sasha gets to spend time with George, or that George is spending time with Sasha. I’m jealous because I want to be out doing something too. xD

We keep it pretty even. George and Sasha don’t go out three times a week while I”m stuck at home with the kids. But even if I’ve been out five times that week, I LIKE GOING OUT.

Really, if you’re going to judge me, judge me over the fact that I really loving going out to eat and going out shopping, not over the fact that I’m polyamorous. ;)

Okay, more later.

Yes, we share a bed. Did I say that? They need to make beds that are larger than kings, though. Dude. So cramped sometimes.

#polyamory #triads #triad #LGBT parenting #alternative family

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polyamorous-triad-blog · 9 years

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Open Relationships.

Today, I read an article. It was written by a man has been in an open relationship with his wife for two years. I know that’s not the same thing as polyamorous. I know that open relationships often have more to do about sex than love.

I told myself that I wouldn’t start off this tumblr with a rant, but I just can’t seem to help myself. Look, alternate is alternate. What makes a person, or a couple, or a triad, or a dozen people happy? It makes them happy.

So this article was about how this man found feminism (should I have given a trigger warning for that word?) through his open relationship. What does that mean? It means that through open, honest communication with his wife about her desires (and then his), he realized that while they are married, they’re also individuals and that neither of them need to sacrifice personal desires in order to continue to love and support each other. He realized that his wife’s sexual activities are about her, not about him. He realized that they could be happy (and they’re happy) even though they don’t engage in a traditional, monogamous lifestyle. He realized that their marriage is about a lot more than sex, basically.

It was a great article. Good for him. Good for them. Their ability to have sex outside their marriage helps them communicate better. It helps their sex life. It helps their individual identities and their individual happiness. Good for them.

Then there were the comments. There were comments about how the man was an idiot, how he was a doormat for ever agreeing, how his wife was a whore, how she doesn’t respect him, and how they aren’t even considering the damage done to their children. Their children. Their poor, poor children.

Why are children such a huge part of every argument against non traditional heterosexual monogamy? Why does everyone assume that children are these fragile creatures that must be raised by one man, one woman, and nobody else? Why is there such an assumption that if a parent decides to live outside the norm, they’re damaging their children beyond repair?

In this particular case, I struggle to see how an open relationship has any affect whatsoever on this couples’ children. Are the children such a large part of their sex life that their personal sexual activities are going to affect the children? Do they sit their kids down and say, “Mommy’s about to go suck Kenneth’s --” you get what I mean.

Does having sex with other people take away from their children? Does having sex with your spouse take away from your children? They’re not ripping their clothing off and tossing it on the living room floor while they do it on the kitchen table. They’re practicing safe sex with others in likely the same manner they practice safe sex with each other - in a private area where they’re not going to be interrupted by little prying eyes.

By the time that their children are old enough to realize that sex is happening in a non-monogamous fashion between their parents and other people, their children will be old enough to learn that:

- Sex should always be safe and consensual.

- They should always treat their sexual partners with respect and honesty. Cheating and open relationships are not the same thing.

- They shouldn’t have sex until they’re ready, and they shouldn’t try to fill emotional needs with meaningless sex.

- They should make their own decisions regarding their sexuality, but that they should always keep the above facts in mind.

You know, the same thing you should teach your children when they discover you having sex with your spouse.

What harms children more than alternative family lifestyles? Parents that are unhappy with their lives, and parents that come to resent each other. Parents that lie to each other. Parents that don’t communicate.

Children from alternative families aren’t harmed. In fact, they have a huge advantage in life. From a young age, they learn that communication, honesty, and respect are the most important things in any relationship. They learn that they can be who they want to be without fear of judgement, and they learn that happiness is never out of reach.

#open relationships #polyamory #alternative lifestyles #LGBT #parenting #LBGT parenting

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