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pepsi-writes · 3 years

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chapter 3: the tears of the gang smp are the best candy

"Make sure it won’t happen again.” The boss crossed their arms, maintaining an intimidating posture.

The narrators bobbed their heads, immediately turning around and dashing out of the office. They were lucky to have gotten off the hook so easily after letting that omega robot bastar - nevermind. That’s unimportant.

Hello again, bitc-readers!

I hope you’re glad to see us, which you obviously aren’t, but please say you are 🥺😩

Now. Why focus the story on the narrators, when you’re just here for everybody else’s dumb-assery?

Sleepy took the dog-ear-headband thing off, throwing it in some random direction of the room, as they strolled right through the seventh doorway they’ve made it through after they had escaped from the other cursed room.

Addict followed them closely, though they seemed a bit timid. “Well,” Sleepy broke the awkward silence, “That was annoying.”

Addict glanced down at them. “Ok, but was the bashing really necessary?”

He shrugged. They reached the end of the long hallway (there was a long hallway???), and carelessly opened the door.

It opened to what seemed to be a waiting room, but he couldn’t place his finger on it oh who the fuck am i kidding it’s a waiting room.

“Took you long enough,” Rose mumbled, lounging on one of the chairs. He had searched endlessly for an exit, eventually giving up out of exhaustion.

They both ignored the comment, sitting down in random places in the room. Better to not acknowledge it at all then to make a fuss!

“So, is there, like,” Squid the bird person said, “any exit to this place?”

The room went quiet, so fey took it as a cold, hard, no.

“Hey, Squid,” Addict said, to break the silence, “you, uh, look different!”

Fey laughed in response. “Yeah, I know. The writer finally found out what my design is!” Squid the intellectual alpha was not shocked that the narrators didn’t know of feir design.

Besides, what was their rank in the a/b/o system-

Uhhhh, let’s move on so shush!

Addict let out a chuckle in response, mumbling something about it being cool under their breath.

There was nothing to, kinda talk about, really. Nothing at all. Zero. Nada.

Anyways, they had all been paid to dress themselves in dumb-ass dog costumes and play out an entire script for an episode, skit, whatever the fuck I want to call it.

However, when they actually tried to do the thing, these two bitches- uh - weird things, that called themselves the “narrators” (yeah, that’s us 😎), were keeping the entire performance under check and under control.

The whole thing made no sense whatsoever, but they went along with it anyway, because cash is worth more than their sanity. It would mean that the group would get paid handsomely, so, why not?

But, when they were actually finally fucking finished, they weren’t let out of the room. How fun.

Instead, more people were let into the room, like Sunny the dead racist moth, and Rose the dense mf.

And, they were given an entirely new script, given no time to rehearse or whatever, and told that they’ll be all paid double.

Now? They were in a creepily nostalgic waiting room, with seemingly no exits other than the way they came.

Sunny crossed her arms. “Do we really have to wait in a room with a,” - she glared distastefully at Quartz - “piglin?”

Quartz’s eyes widened at the snarky comment. “I am not a fucking piglin, you short-ass little shit.”

“Well then,” Sunny replied, smiling like the racist bastard she was. “Are you some sort of blaze?”

Quartz simply ignored her useless blabbering. They had no time for her anyway.

Suddenly, the door to the waiting room opened, with a loud slam!

“Hello!” Narrator said, stepping in with an eerie yet pleasant air around them. “Hope you’re all glad to be seeing us again!”

“Oh, great,” Squid snarled, wrinkling up their nose. “We’re going to have to do this dumb dog thing again.”

Yep yep!! Now come on, isn’t this all super fun? 😩👉 👈

“No! This is all fucking terrible, actually,” Rose yelled from the back. He suddenly shut up, with the narrators’ magic writing powers ah fuck let’s get on with it.

Glad to see you’re all excited for Episode 3 of the fun yes times ^﹏^

A door appeared across from where this narrator had entered.

They walked over and opened it.

Now, follow me :)

Everyone followed, because getting threatened by your best friend and crush in order to get a jab at the other person whom you love, is way too boring to actually watch.

Anyways, the narrator led them to another place, shoved everyone in it, shut the door, and locked it. Why? Because yes <3 Anyways they walked over to a room with a big ass window, into the room where they could now safely control the gsmp people bitches, without risk of dumbass robots hitting me and destroying the careers that they both had worked years to get to lmao.

“I hate it here,” Quartz groaned, any spark of happiness or peace seemingly draining from their eyes.

Sleepy whipped their head to the side, a snarky frown on their face. “Well, what fun thing are you making us do now?” A question mark appeared on their screen; obviously it was there to pester the narrators.

The narrator suddenly paused. They didn’t know what to do now. The other narrator didn’t know what was going to happen too (spoiler alert they both know they’re just being bitches lmao)

Irrelevant, nevertheless we have someone new for everyone to have your fun with :D

The narrator pressed a button on the control panel that appeared because fuck logic, and a door appeared on the ceiling, seemingly out of thin… wall.

Guess what it dropped? Uh, fuck it, you’ve all read the original already, it’s our favorite little goat, Scar!!!!!!!!

The door suddenly disappeared, slamming shut as its edges dissipated. Rose, who had climbed on top of Addict to try and reach it, cursed in frustration. Addict, who had absolutely no mercy towards him, wiggled so that he fell out of their grip. Rose cursed again, standing up and massaging his terribly injured arm. “Anyways…” he grumbled, “Welcome to hell.”

Addict sprinted to him, helping them up. “Hey…” they said to Scar.

“Yeah,” he coughed, brushing out his shirt, “I just kinda fell.”

he looked around the colorful room “Uh… where am I-“ Scar was suddenly quieted with the narrators’ awesome powers lmao.

Hey, stop questioning this now anyways put on these!

I pressed another button. The ceiling opened up again, and a dog-ear-headband clambered to Scar’s feet. A look of confusion passed their face, but he didn’t question it.

Now, they get to officially be a part of the a/b/o fic!

“...What?”

Woah. Both of the narrators, ending on a cliffhanger?

Wowsers😳😳😳😳😳😳😳😳😳😳😳😳😳😳😳😳😳😳😳😳

Haha that was fun right guys :)

#writing #a/b/o fic #a/b/o verse #a/b/o au #gang #gsmp #gang smp #gsmp a/b/o fic

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pepsi-writes · 3 years

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coming to an end (part 2)

This is the one shot that I decided to publish today, as my good friends, Scar's (@scarcovy) and Aggie's (@whichstoodonrockyshores) anniversary present! Happy anniversary, you guys!

As an official American state, fuck.

So there Wy was, lying on the cold, hard floor of his kitchen, drunk. His vision was blurred, and his thoughts were a jumbled mess of incoherence. Besides, he really didn’t want to think right now. His problems were to deal with later. That’s why he’s drinking, right? He didn’t want to rethink how his body must be fucked, about how he needed to quit smoking, the fact that Cheyenne was slowly but surely driting away from him, and the fact that Enéas was probably going to leave him by now.

Enéas had found a discarded pack of cigarettes in the kitchen. Wy had thought he was inconspicuous enough by throwing it in the trash, but Enéas was actually smart enough to look in there this time. Just as he always was.

"What is this?" he had asked, holding up the pack with worry in his eyes. Wy didn't answer, nor change his blank expression. Enéas repeated himself, sounding a little pissed.

Then again.

Then again, his face of worry completely changing to one of anger.

Wy still kept silent. He knew that they both knew that he had smoked again, breaking the promise that they both had sworn to earlier.

Enéas's voice sounded again, snapping him out of his thoughts. "Can't you speak?" he grumbled, before storming out of the kitchen. Unadulterated guilt had washed over him, way more than normal.

So he resorted to drinking that guilt away. Just as he was now.

Just as he always was.

----

"Dad?" A female voice rang through the kitchen. Wy's eyes opened to see an extremely worried Cheyenne. "Enéas left the house earlier," she informed, almost immediately. "Said he had to go to work or something."

Great. Now he couldn't even apologize for shutting up when he needed to speak up.

Wy tried to stand up, but he was met only with a throbbing headache, making him stumble. Cheyenne caught him, luckily, and she, knowing what was happening with him, dragged him to the car to drive the both of them to the pharmacy.

----

"I'm sorry, sir," The woman at the counter said, her plastic as fuck smile faltering. "We're all out of Advil. However-"

Wy audibly groaned in annoyance, making the woman flinch. Cheyenne shot her a look of apologization and pity, but grabbed her father's arm and dragged him right back to the car.

"I-," Wy mumbled, for the first time in the day, "I think I need a cigarette or something."

----

Cheyenne tapped her foot. "Dad," she demanded, pointing to the almost empty cigarette pack. "Give. Me. It." Wy hid the pack behind his back, trying to find a place or a pocket to hide it in. He had a smoking cigarette between his fingers, and that must have given it away for Cheyenne.

She shook her head in disgust, emphasizing her hand to get the pack. "I see it."

Wy reluctantly revealed the cigarette pack, but once Cheyenne tried to grab it, he suddenly jolted back his hand, making it so she couldn't reach it.

Cheyenne's face changed to a look of utter horror. What had her father come to that he was reluctant to give her a simple pack of cigarettes? Was he that attached to them? Did he turn to them for comfort instead of her? He had a family, for heck's sake. Why was he more attached to smoking and drinking than he was to her?

"Dad," she began, "you have to stop smoking-"

"I don't like to smoke," he interrupted, dropping the cigarette and crushing it with his foot. "I just like the smell."

#lmk if you dont wanna be tagged #A sketch of smp!Scar will be posted shortly #so keep watch for that!#[ coming to an end ]#[ short :') ]#[ writing ]#gang #statehumans wyoming #cityhumans cheyenne #CH brazil #tw smoking #smoking tw #cigarette tw #tw cigarettes #alcohol tw #tw alcohol #halo don't look #ask to tag

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pepsi-writes · 3 years

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chapter 2: THIS ISN'T A SELF-INSERT I SWEAR-

Hey guys! It’s me, Narrator (and Rewriter) here! Today we will be continuing with Chapter 2 of the a/b/o fic! Yes, you heard that right! Bet you didn’t expect to see either of us again, bitches!

“Shut the fuck up,” Rose scowled (new character!!!), “this story isn’t about you.”

“Do we really have to do this whole dog people thing, again?” groaned Quartz, turning around to face their little corner.

Yes. Yes we do. 💜

“Stop complaining,” said our favorite alpha / president / inkling / dog / person… Squid!! “You fucking omega bitch.”

Sunny was still lingering in the doorway. Her eyes flickered throughout the different items in the room, searching for something to be interested in. To be honest, Quartz arguing with Squid for the seventh time wasn’t that engaging. Or maybe she just ignored Quartz because they were from the Nether. We’ll never know ~ *dissolves*

“Ew, a beta,” - Squid had finally noticed her, but it seemed to not turn out as well as she expected - “Well, you’re actually okay, for a beta, but only because you know the truth about Nether people, like me.”

“Ohmygoodness!” Sunny squealed. “Another racist person like me!”

Quartz squinted to look at this booklet-type-thing (it’s a script?) a script.

“Asterisk, sobs, Asterisk,” they deadpanned. Rose looked over Quartz’s shoulder, also peering to look at Quartz’s script. “Are you doing this to be funny,” he hissed, crossing his arms, “or did you actually forget your lines?”

Haha, guys, (the narrator had silenced Rose with their magic writing powers), stop letting people know that this is scripted, hah :).

“Haha,” Sleepy the TV person laughed, as the narrator didn’t hold a knife to his back, “Yeah guys, this is totally a natural interaction!”

Anyways, guys, on this episode of ‘I’m fucking sleep-deprived help me’: we’re making y’all’ve to date each other!

Everyone had different expressions splatted across each of their faces, but they all had a general feeling of shock.

“You’re what?” a dumbfounded Quartz exclaimed.

Yeah, so anyway the both of us are going to stop being a character now so bye 💜

“What the fuck, narrator and rewriter,” Rose yelled, “you can’t just, abandon us in this shitty fucking plot like that!”

But he was too late, because we’re already gone bitch 💜

Addict shook their head, trying to keep sane and happy for the others. They knew exactly what Kyle and Pepsi would do if they stepped out of line. “This is fine,” they forcefully grinned. Wow, this was their first line, in this entire chapter!! Woah!!

“No the fuck it’s not,” seethed Quartz. “Also, aren’t I already in a canon relationship already?”

Squid glared at Quartz, arching feir back to look bigger and superior. “And this takes you off the dating table, how?” Fey turned feir head in disgust at the others. “I refuse to date any of you fucking omega ass piglin fuckers,” fey announced.

“Ohmahgawsh, you’re so right, alpha Squid, :3, :D, ;),” Sunny the fellow racist sighed.

“Yes, you get it,” - Squid gestured to a flustered Sunny - “you racist moth. But, I still don’t respect you, you fucking beta.”

Sleepy laughed in dominance (could computers laugh??? Or is that just a social construct?), “Yeah, get that beta’s ass,” he cheered.

“Indeed, Adrian, my fellow alpha. We’re sooo out of everybody’s league,” Squid boasted.

But, if you remember (which you obviously don’t), Sleepy is in fact not an alpha, but an 🥴😩😏 omega~

“I fucking hate it here,” Rose fumed. “Anyways, I’m leaving,” he said, picking up Quartz, and stomping out of the room, “and I’m taking this fucking nether person with me.”

Addict flinched at the door slamming. “Fuck. Those two are like, the main two people that I’m shipped with.”

Squid cocked feir head. “Aren’t we married?”

“We are, but nobody cares.”

Squid sighed in relief. “Good. Clearly, the fandom knows that you hate being with me,” fey read off the script. “Wait, what-” And that’s when Squid suddenly shut up.

“Colon, start, parenthesis,” the racist mot- I mean Sunny said. Oh, yeah, did we mention that everybody still dog people?

Anyway, yes, everybody’s still dog people or something.

Squid gazed around the room with an expression as blank as paper. “Ok, so we’re like, romantically pairing up or something. Isn’t that kind of creepy since we’re the characters of mostly minors-” Shushity shush do not say that. Squid shrugged in understanding. “Ok, narrator. By the way,” fey inquired, “What’s your rank in the a/b/o ranking system? Just so I can tell if I should respect you or not.”

Uhhhhh, fuck. Alpha, beta, omega, how did these things work anyways-

The narrator shoved Squid so that fey stumbled to the floor, then sprinted out of the room.

Squid stood up. “Rude,” fey frowned, dusting feirself off. Fey looked around the room once again. “Uhh. Sleepy! Sleepy, yeah.”

“Hey,” fey purred, leaning towards Sleepy. “Fellow alpha~”

Sleepy himself was confused. “Uh, hi?”

“Do you want to be in a ~romantic~ relationship, so that we can finish this dumb fucking story faster, 🥺,” said Squid, pointing feir fingers at each other.

“Haha, no ❤,” Sleepy replied, pushing Squid away.

Squid’s eyes widened in shock. “I thought I trusted you, fellow alpha!”

Sleepy shrugged. “Sounds like a you problem, to be honest.”

“Ugh,” Squid whined,” fine then! Then, uhhh,” fey looked around the room for the third time today. Fey grabbed an ecstatic Sunny by the arm. “There. I’m dating this racist beta moth or whatever, can I leave now?”

‘Fine,” the narrator groaned, opening the door that they had just fixed after Sunny kicked it open. Squid sauntered out, dragging Sunny behind.

And then there were two.

Sleepy yawned (how is he a computer at this point?) as they just stood there.

Addict broke the silence. “Uh, hey?”

“You know this is a really forced interaction,” Sleepy yelled at the narrator, “right?” The narrator stood in front of the door, bracing themself on it to keep anyone from leaving.

Sleepy rolled their eyes in mock understanding. “Hiii, Addict,” he deadpanned, glaring at the short-ass little ender dragon spawn with a fire in their eyes. “You know the only way to actually leave is to say that we’re dating, right?”

“Yeah, but I don’t really feel like doing that right now, sooo,” Sleepy strolled towards the narrator and-

-----

“Hah, I disabled the door lock.”

“You fucking smashed it to pieces with your computer screen head.”

“Haha, yeah, looked cool, right?”

“No?”

“Cool, anyways,” Sleepy jabbed a thumb at the door behind them, “let’s just get the fuck out of here.”

“Uhh, okay, fine.” Addict grabbed his hand, letting them lead them to the door and drag them out.

-----

They both heard the door, that they were supposed to guard, open with a creak, followed by hurried walking. Oh fuck, weren’t they supposed to guard the door - oh fuck. Their boss was really going to have their asses on a silver plate by the time this was reported.

They laid on the floor, giving up all hope whatsoever, still in pain from getting ✨bonked✨.

Were they dead? Were they fine?

Find out next time on~

The gang a/b/o fic :)

#gang smp #gsmp #lmao will there be a next time #WHOEVER'S AWAKE I'M SORRY #gang

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pepsi-writes · 3 years

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coming to an end (part 1?)

Dedicated to @whichstoodonrockyshores. All credits go to him for the idea. Go check out his writing! It's really good and he came up with the idea for this!

He thought that this was just a bad case of the flu. That it was just going to pass, like always. That everything was going to be fine.

Right?

Andrew had run up to him, begging for help in between spattering of coughs. “H-” he coughed - “Get me to the h-” he coughed once again, blood now splattering on the floor between them. Madison was starting to get worried, but he just brushed it off as some delusions.

“Come on,” he started, “we can just get some cou-”

“Get me to the nearest hospital, dammit!” Andrew pushed away, only to faint, right in Mad’s arms. He did seem, quite lighter than a week ago, but Mad just assumed it to be the flu, again.

So, like the good husband he was, Madison carried him to the nearest hospital, which was, about a mile away. But he had to see if he was okay. Andrew would usually never come up with any sicknesses, or anything, actually.

Andrew had been infected with GERD, whatever that was. It was incurable, they claimed. You couldn’t save him, they claimed. But, if he just paid them enough money, then they could save Andrew… then Andrew would be okay and all would be right again.

Right?

---------

"He's... unstable." The nurse reported.

His heart sank. Madison knew she was sugarcoating it, just so she wouldn’t have to be the one to bear the real news.

“Uh, can you lead me to his room?” The nurse hesitated for a minute, but bobbed her head and waved her hand as a sign for him to follow her.

She walked quite briskly to his room, so much that even Mad was struggling to catch up to her. “Right here, sir,” she informed, opening the door to the room.“I assume that you are his son?”

Madison’s eye twitched, but he nodded. The nurse turned around, walking away without him getting the chance to speak. Madison took this as the chance to go inside the room, and he did just that. He shouldn’t be just standing here, while Andrew was dyin- no, he was just sick. He was just sick enough to have to go to the hospital.

-----

Andrew was in a terrible state, wires and things attached to his arms that Mad didn’t care about because Andrew was like this, this, this place that he shouldn’t be. He shuffled through the mess or equipment, finally placing himself on the bed next to Andrew. He held his hand with such a delicacy as if it would break with more than even a feather’s touch.

"I-I'm so sorry. I should have paid the doctors more,” he panicked, letting go of Andrew’s hand.

“They know what to do, just that they just want to take our money, those gold-diggers-” he shook his fist at the bleached roof as if something was watching this sorrowful act like some mildly entertaining play.

"No, Mad," he said, holding up a finger to Madison's lips, clasping his other hand once again. Mad still couldn't believe that this was his last time, but that’s what mortals do. Die when you need them the most.

"I forgive you."

And that's when he died. That's when his eyes shot open. That's when his hands grew cold. That's when his face fell as pale as the sheets that surrounded him. That's when the monitor let out a long, slow, beep as if mourning Andrew itself.

That's when Madison broke.

#statehumans montana #andrew the mortal #TW // blood #TW // death #statehumans #here have some shitty angst :D #aggie i'm SORRY-#writing #TW // hospital

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pepsi-writes · 3 years

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prologue: all who enter must abandon all hope

I finally did it. I sorted through my mess of thoughts and made this. Thank you to anybody who reads this. See you in the first chapter!

With a hiss, the doors to Medbay slid open. Japan peered through the door, surveying the space in front of him. The first thing he observed was that the lights were completely turned off. That was … weird, but everything seemed kind of weird these days. Breathing in, he was immediately met with a strangely metallic smell. It felt nostalgic (almost too nostalgic), but he couldn’t pinpoint what it was exactly.

He sniffed yet again. Now a stench like flesh and waste combined plagued his lungs, with a sickly sweet smell to top it all off. A feeling rose up in him, a feeling that he shouldn’t be here, he shouldn’t have even come here. But he wasn’t going to back out now that he abandoned everybody else at O2. Cautious not to make too much noise, Japan slowly placed the bright yellow boot down on the marble tile. Ironically, it echoed throughout the entire room with a loud thump. "スイス," he whispered, taking a second step. "I'm here. Y-you can come out now."

Nothing came in response. No mumbling, no snoring, not even breathing, only silence.

Japan caught sight of the faded outline of a desk situated at the corner of the room, then assuming that Switzerland probably just fell asleep at her desk again. Assumptions definitely, no, did not express the fact that he in denial. He wasn’t denying the possible fact that she was probably injured, or dead, or worse. That was the exact opposite, right? That wasn’t denial, right? This wasn’t denial in the slightest. Right?

The desk started to glow automatically as he stepped near it, almost making him jump. There was a stain on it, popping out amongst the light like blood in water.

Japan couldn't see much with the scratches blocking his line of sight, so he peered closer to the stain on the desk. He narrowed his eyes, hunching over to press a small button, placed on his left glove. His interior flashlight flickered on, providing a bit of sight to his scratched visor.

A bloody handprint was smeared across the edge of it, trailing off onto the floor, and leading to a dark corner in the back of the room. Because of course it was. Japan stiffened. The silhouette of, well, something lay at that corner. Some other stuff was pooling next to it, but he couldn’t see enough to identify what it was.

"White? スイス?" Japan stepped, now closer to that thing. The damned visor wouldn’t let him see anything, even with the flashlight on. He fumbled for the button on his visor, finally pressing it and opening it with a swift click.

And then he saw-

---

If he’d hadn’t become some highly esteemed samurai; he would probably be rotting in jail.

If he’d hadn’t become some noble, he would probably be dead.

If he’d hadn’t become an astronaut for MIRA, then maybe fifteen countries would still be alive.

You will see right through him; maybe mentally, maybe physically.

He will see old friends, new friends, and some ex-friends.

But, there will be one, who is not like the others.

Dear reader, I wish I could tell you that he wanted the best for everybody.

Dear reader, I wish I could tell you that everything went well and safely.

Dear reader, I wish I could tell you that everyone cared about him.

Dear reader, I wish I could tell you that he stayed home.

Dear reader, I wish I could tell you he survived.

#TW // blood #dansez #writing #countryhumans #countryhuman

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pepsi-writes · 3 years

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chapter 1: this is it....

I’M SORRY OKAY

Addict grinned. “Omg, papi, it me,” they certainly said, “Addict from the smp!”

“Shut the fuck up,” someone said from the back, “It’s my turn to make everybody on this zoom call cry.” Addict frowned.

Readers, I will introduce you to Quartz, who is a person. Why the fuck am i rewriting this I am so sorry-

“Hey narrator, wherever you are,” Quartz yelled at the fourth wall, “can you not?”

Yes papi, I am so sorry 😔.

Anyways, why is the narrator who is supposed to narrate the story, making themselves a character in this? Because they can. That’s why.

Hey, look at Quartz over here - the narrator gestured to Quartz sitting in the corner of the house - they are a dog person. Woah!

Quartz shook their head. “I hate it here,” they grumbled, in the year of 2020. Weird how they can time-travel, huh.

“Hey, this isn’t as bad as getting kicked out of your house by some, squid person thing, right?”

‘Legit who cares?’ The narrator doubted themself, which they should not. ‘I’m so sorry…’

“Shut up, you fucking, uhhhhhhh,” Somebody said, who at least tried to insult the narrator. “Shit, what’s the ranking system,” they mumbled to themself.

“Omg,” somebody else complained. “Why are you writing about an a/b/o gang smp thing, if you don’t even know your shit?” ‘Shut up, character who’s yelling at the narrator who is not specified because the narrator is du-’ okay. Everybody is, like, dog people or whatever, so, um yeah. What the fuck, wow.

“Omg,” Addict repeated, not knowing what the narrator was going to make them do (oh fuck those fifty dollars that Kyle promised them were not worth it), “It’s me, Addict, the very coolio, uhhhh,” The narrator was really about to assign one of their good friends’ characters and a/b/o rank, they were so sorry- “IT’S ME, ADDICT, THE MCFUCKING, um, BETA. WOOOOOOOOO.” The narrator and the rewriter of this are so fucking sorry please don’t hurt either of them.

“Omg,” Squid, who had suddenly materialized in the room, announced, “Hi, It’s me, Squid, who probably isn’t a stupid person. But, the narrator’s fucking dumb,” fey also yelled at the fourth wall, while Quartz was staring at it with disdain, “and cannot remember whatever the fuck I am, so I’m a fucking splatoon inkling now,” fey gestured to the paint splattered on their hands, “But, actually, I’m also a dog person, or whatever, because we’re living in absolute hell anyway.” Fey did the infamous ✨jazz hands✨ because fey could, so fey did. “Look at me! Tis I, Squid, the president, so obviously, I’m the alpha male 😩.” ‘Omg,’ the narrator fanbody’d, ‘Hi, Squid, the inkling dog alpha male, because apparently you’re an alpha in the a/b/o ranking system, or whatever-’

“Squid!” Addict squealed, like the fucking beta - the narrator and the rewriter are both so sorry Addict please don’t kill them - they were. “My partner! 😳😳”

“Hewwo,” Squid replied, “❤.”

Quartz, apparently from BFB, laughed. “Hah, that shit’s gay!”

Squid, the octoling dog person, gasped. “IT’S QUARTZ UNDERTALE-,” fey stopped feirself. “Wait, I think I hate you or something.”

Quartz stopped laughing, and frowned once again. “This is an AU, why can’t I at least be happy here?”

“Get out of here you netherrack fucker who’s also a dog person or, um, something.” Squid stopped to think of an insult, (fey didn’t really want to say any of this, but fifty bucks was fifty bucks) and came up with, “I’m assigning you an omega rank, because that’s apparently the worst one!”

“What the fuck, why would you just tell me that I have to be an omega.” They crossed their arms and huffed. “This is so uncool. :).”

Squid forced a laugh. “Ha, ha guys, look at the omega, over here. LOL!”

Everyone who resided in the server was suddenly assembled from mere atoms, and glared at Quartz. Because that’s what Squid said to do or whatever.

Please, the narrator is trying, I swear-

“Hey guys,” Addict interrupted (who was the narrator’s PLATONIC beloved), “Can we not bully Quartz, please?”

Somebody in the crowd shook their head. “No,” they reasoned, “They, like, tried to kill everyone and that’s so uncool.”

Quartz, the dog person was furious. They just got told that they have to be an omega, of all ranks. Now they had something to say. And that something was: “Bitch, I didn’t mean it!”

“Fuck off, omega,” Marie from Splatoon 2 spat. Quartz groaned, a scowl spread across their face.

Anyways, so, like, you know how, like, Squid summoned the whole server to the room?

Well, here, we got Adrian, the TV person. Woah.

“Murder is good though, 😳” Adrian the TV person finally spoke, after a few seconds of silence that felt like hours.

Squid scowled. “Shut up, but,” fey raised a hand in understanding, “Like, I at least respect you, since you’re an esteemed alpha, like me.”

Adrian laughed, “Yeah, totally Squid from Splatoon 2: Octo Expansion!”

Little did anyone in the server know, was that Adrian … actually was an omega. Shocker, huh? He was just, really good at hiding the fact that they’re an omega.

Another character who nobody has mentioned nor spoken about said, “Adrian… You smell kinda weird...”

Uh, fuck, Addict. Addict said it, yeah.

“Adrian,” Addict said, “You smell kinda weird…”

“Omg, Addict, no I do not!” said Adrian, the alpha who was really an omega.

“Oh, ok.”

Suddenly, the door burst open with a loud SLAM, breaking when it hit the ground. Pieces flew everywhere, one of them barely missing the narrator by a centimeter.

“HEY GUYS! IT’S ME, THE ABSOLUTE BABY THAT IS SUNNY FROM THE GANG SMP-”

#i'm sorry #but i have no regrets >:)#a/b/o #gang smp #gang #help-

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pepsi-writes · 3 years

Text

all american stories

He leaned on the door to support his weight as he laughs the hardest he has ever laughed in his entire life. Imaginary friend? Mr. Wiggles? Those thoughts alone were making America cackle.

"We are serious. Mr. Wiggles," Mrs. Dorji shivered at the mention of that name, "has been absolutely terrorizing Tandin for the last few weeks, and we would absolutely like you to get rid of him. Alas, we have tried to get rid of Mr. Wiggles, but..." She trailed off, trembling from remembering the event. She looked back up, tears now streaming across her face. Mr. Dorji wrapped an arm around his wife as a desperate attempt to comfort her. America finally gained enough composure to choke out a "A-alright, alright, I'll get rid of whatever Mr. Wiggles is, and you two and Tandin can rest assured that Mr. Wiggles won't terrorize anybody, anymore!"

With that, he snatched his Super - Duper - Totally - Effective - Imaginary - Friend - Destroyer - 3000 and let the Dorji's lead him to what he assumed was Tandin's room. As Mr. Dorji opened the door, America thought to himself.

Come on, Meri, the guy's name is Mr. Wiggles!

Mrs Dorji was probably exaggerating anyway. Who even cries over an imaginary friend?

It can't be that bad.

Right?

-----

NATO turned to America with a decisive look. "I've decided that I cannot call you 'United States of America' anymore, since you are my father. I've compiled a list of possible 'nicknames', in which you will choose one for me to address you as."

America squinted, unsure of why his son was being so stuffy and formal. This was a party after-woah. NATO had pulled out a super long list, so long that it brushed against the floor whenever he moved. "Let us begin with the first name. Father?" he quizzed. "No," America answered. "Too formal for me."

NATO let out an 'ah', then continued.

"Vater?"

"No. I keep on forgetting what that means, anyway."

"Daddy-"

"Absolutely not."

"Old man?"

"Come on, I'm not that old." America chuckled.

NATO tried many different variations, many different spellings, and many different nicknames. At this point, America just wanted to get into his car and drive home. After thirty minutes of NATO shouting out names, he decided to do just that. As soon as America unlocked the door to his house, he bolted to his bed and flopped on it, embracing its soft covers. The enchanting aroma of his pillow and the layers of warm quilts combined felt quite nice actually.

So nice, actually, that he fell asleep in a matter of minutes.

He woke up to a person delicately shaking him, as if he was a wilting flower. He couldn't see the figure very clearly, but he made out enough of the figures' features to identify it as NATO. NATO himself kneeled down to softly whisper in his father's ear:

"Papa?"

"I-wha-No!"

according to wattpad people love this shitpost the most

------

"China!" America saw him and ran towards him, his arms outstretched for a rare hug.

"America!" China also ran towards him, cradling something behind his back.

"China!" America cocked a rifle that he had behind his back.

"America!" China pulled out a shoulder-fired-missile weapon.

-----------

America turned his camera to the sign. The "T" flickered in and out, while the other letters stayed bright as if there were nothing wrong with its companion. For America, that was perfect vine material. No matter if he had to get out of his car and stand in the freezing rain. He wasn't going to throw away his shot.

"Ladies and gentlemen," he said, putting on his announcer voice, "welcome to, T-T-T-T-TARGET!"

------------

this is just one big dad joke

America, looked at Austria with a perplexed expression on his face. "What do you mean 'don't eat that'? It's just an apple. You can do my check-up as soon as I eat it." He held the apple closer to his mouth, its red skin glistening in the dim lights of the therapy room.

Austria snatched the apple and walked over to the nearest garbage can, opening the lid.

"That's the point," he seethed, throwing away the apple. "Haven't you ever heard of the rhyme? They say it all the time in your clay."

"What rhyme are you talking about?" America said, wondering if there was something he missed while not paying attention at school. Was it a nursery rhyme like 'Ring Around the Rosie,' or-

"An apple a day keeps the doctor away, you dummkopf!" he yelled.

Oh, that rhyme.

"I'm allergic to apples, so if you eat an apple, I can't do scheiße to you during our session. Were you not listening when I told everybody this?" Austria questioned.

"Ye-"

"Good. Now never eat an apple again."

--------

"Are you drunk?" Russia asked, looking down at America who was laying face flat on the pool table.

America flipped over so he was facing Russia. "No, I'm not," he replied, but the shit-eating grin on his face told him otherwise. "You're drrrunk."

Russia shook his head. This was the third time America had gotten drunk this week. What was happening with his life that he needed to drink every time he had his back turned? "Come on, we're going home."

America's face morphed into one of exaggerated displeasure."Noooooooo!"

"Stop complaining. We're going home, and you're going to bed."

two bros walking each other home. i deleted some fluff because it was bad.

-------

Russia tipped America's head up, revealing his awful eye bags. Examining them closely, he said, "Do you feel okay? Because you don't look okay."

America slowly pulled away to take a sip of his sixth cup of coffee since one in the morning. He gave a shaky thumbs up. "Never been better."

"You're going to bed."

"Already passing out."

---------

His eyelids fluttered open.

The first thing that America noticed was that he wasn't home, or anywhere, actually. Surveying his surroundings, he guessed he was in some sort of basement. A gust of wind blew against the mahogany curtain that decorated the only window in the room, fluttering them open and sending a single ray of light his way. America squinted at the sudden light, his sight still hazy. He tried to stretch out, but something kept him still. As soon as his vision cleared he looked down to see what was keeping him in place.

The second thing America noticed was that he was bound to a chair. By rope. Great. Now he got kidnapped. Wow. Astronomical. Phenomical.

He tried to remember what got him in this situation. He could admit, he had terrible memory - and the memories came flooding back, almost as if a wall broke down. Getting invited out for dinner, drinking some spicy juice or something at a bar, feeling weird, but not in a drunken weird. Getting dragged out to an alley by an adult child. His head hurting for a split second and then everything going black-oh. He was drugged and knocked out; he should have thought of this earlier. It seemed pretty cliche to be stuck in this situation, but everything that's happened lately might as well have been one of John Mulaney's stories.

The third thing America noticed was that he was bored. Like, super bored. Being shoved in a basement didn't prove frightening to him, just boring. Besides, he didn't get to experience the supposed scary part of it, so what's the point anyway? He was more accustomed to being swift with everything, living the, excuse his language, fast life. Tapping his foot, America satisfied himself with the blowing curtain, watching it flap in neverending waves, never settling. Damn, he really wanted some music to go with this. Even if it was Britain's despised classical music, he just wanted something other than this silence, this nothing.

-----

America stared in horror as the figure stepped closer into the light. Colombia gripped his arm tightly, and he was sure that would leave a bruise later. Now he could see that the figure had their arms up in surrender and that they looked confused, as if they didn't know what was going on. Their flag looked like a carbon copy of Colombia's, but only with a coat of arms in the middle.

"Colombia?" the country asked, their eyes lighting up. Colombia? That complete stranger knew his name?

He gasped. "Educador! Compadre, compadre, ¿como estas? ¿Quieres agua o algo para relajarte?"

Colombia knew this guy?

-----

America walked up to her, giggling at his phone. "Hey, come look at this video I made of you! Bet you'll like it~", he teased, trying to get Slovakia's attention.

Slovakia turned around, obviously annoyed. "Fine, but it better not be embarrassing, and you better not have shown it to Czech." America snickered at her mention of Czech, knowing that Slovakia was still basically lovesick for him. He handed her the phone, and clicked play.

Czech walked up to Slovakia's door, Hungary following close behind and eventually settling on the chair that was placed next to her door. He let out a sigh, checking his watch. He finally said in a small voice, "Slovensko, are you ok? We haven't heard from you all day. Hungary's practically begging to leave the house," she glared daggers at Czech , but he continued. "but Poland says he's not leaving without you."

No answer.

"Slovensko? Are you asleep? It's okay if you're sleeping, and in fact Hungary and I will leave you alone to-"

"Open up, fucknugget." This time Hungary was speaking, and in a low voice that definitely sounded agitated.

"Hun!" Czech scolded. "Meri is right there ," he said, gesturing to the camera, "you can't curse in front of him!"

Hungary ignored her coworker and continued to yell at the door.

"We've been waiting for you for the entire day and if you don't get your ass out here right now , I'll go in there and haul it out myself."

This time, the door slowly opened, revealing Slovakia, wrapped up in a large blanket.

To say she looked terrible was an understatement. Her hair was sticking out every which way, there were bags under her eyes, dried drool lined her cheeks, and mascara and eyeliner was smeared all over her face.

"Why are you here so early? Did UN schedule an meeting for 7 AM aga-"

"Why are you looking like absolute shit? It's one in the afternoon," Hungary spat, grabbing Czech's hand to look at his watch. "Get your shit together and let's go."

America erupted in giggles, shaking the camera so hard that the phone fell over, and then-

The recording suddenly ends.

"Meri," Slovakia looked up from the phone. "What the fuck."

------

Nothing in life made him happy. It was not a choice for him, but a necessity. If nothing amused him, entertained him, made him so that he enjoyed it, then he wouldn't get attached. He would be prepared for the end, and embrace it with open arms. He would-

The alarm clock blared with an ugly noise, echoing throughout the entire room and interrupting America's monologue. He stayed up all night again, because of course he did. This English paper wasn't going to finish itself, and he definitely needed some time to brood over his past decisions. In fact, he moped more than he actually wrote, and now he got only three paragraphs done - oh no. Now, bullshitting through it was his only option. He frantically opened his document filled with his past notes. America stole a glance at the pages written the day before, and he saw that there was only one. Oh God he was fucked. He stared at the document, trying to decipher the broken English that he typed during the long, boring lecture.

Romeo + Juliet good, at least he got that going.

Paris bad, okay, as in France's understudy in that one play that everybody's buzzing about. He could remember that.

They both die in the end: Romeo finds Juliet sleeping but thinks she's dead and so he kills himself, but Juliet wakes up and dies too by the same blade. Damn, were these even notes? This was a crappy summary of the end of the story, but he could build off of this. Okay, so he could bullshit a few more pages, proofread them to make sure it actually looks presentable, and then turn it in ten minutes before the clock.

America set to typing, typing as fast as he possibly could. Being in a coffee filled rage certainly did help him though, since he practically wrote two pages in like, an hour. Not good for a college sophomore like him, but there were only seven pages left to write. For once in his lazy, unmotivational life, America was not going to slack off and wait. This paper was the deciding grade for the semester, and- ooooh, was that a new update from Russia's Instagram- NO, he had to stay focused. The time whizzed by as he wrote like his life depended on it, because it did. If he didn't turn this dumb paper in, then he couldn't graduate, and then he would never get a job, and then he would be living on the streets- ugh, snap out of it already! He had already become too distracted throughout the night and he had work to finish. He could at least pass with an A, and then he could get an actual job and he would make UK proud, and he would make Canada not embarrassed to go out with him in public anymore, and-

Three hours later, and he had - very slowly - written his paper, skimmed it through, and turned it in, except this time it was nine minutes before the due date. He would probably get a D or something; you never knew with Mr. Williams. He would give you an A for a completely crappy paper, and in the same breath slap a old, hard, F on a paper that you had poured your soul into. Trust him, America knew from experience.

Five weeks later, he received his grade for the semester. Opening it, his first analysis of the paper was that his grades, were, at best, not so shabby. As his eyes drifted down from each class, they finally landed on his English grade.

A B+, with a comment that says 'Good work!' Not so bad for a procrastinating country like him, huh?

challenge: take a shot every time i write "bullshit."

#countryhumans #countryhuman #writing

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pepsi-writes · 3 years

Text

it’s underrated organization time

UN: United Nations (The entire world except Palestine and Vatican City) EU: European Union (I'm not naming them all) NATO: North Atlantic Treaty Organization (Still not naming them all) EFTA: European Free Trade Association (Norway, Iceland, Switzerland, Liechtenstein) V4: Visegrad Group (Hungary, Poland, Czech Republic, Slovakia) COE: Council of Europe (All of Europe) AU: African Union (Basically all of Africa except Morocco) they are all non-binary, they just prefer specific pronouns.

"D-dad?" V4 whimpered. "There's a monster under my bed. It's smelly and scary and huge and scary!"

He heard something shift under him. His heartbeat increased and he started to sweat, the liquid dripping down his face. "D-dad! I-i think I h-heard it m-move! H-HELP ME!" he desperately screeched.

In the bottom of the bunk bed, EFTA sighed and covered her face with a mountain of blankets.

"Why do you hate me, brother?"

-----------------------------------

EFTA studied a grinning V4 with a quizzical expression on her face. "You look overly happy." she said, narrowing her eyes in suspicion. "Did something good happen, or-"

"Can't I smile whenever I feel like it?" V4 replied, still smiling. NATO walked by with a disconcerted look on his face. He leaned towards EFTA and pulled her away from V4. Slowly but softly, he whispered, "EU tripped in the parking lot."

--------

Of course, EFTA's phone just had to die at the best times; now she couldn't even look at the time. Writing a hundred-page treaty by hand proved to be quite a challenge for her, but at least she used to have her phone to entertain her. It was like when EFTA had some music playing in the background, it seemed like she got the most work done, twice as fast as she normally would. Now time seemed to fly fast wherever she even set her pen to paper.

She looked up from the kitchen table to see a squinting EU, dressed in nothing but a flimsy robe and slippers.

He narrowed his eyes even more than he had before. "Why are you awake?" he rasped. EFTA ignored his question; it was probably best that she didn't answer. "What time is it?"

EU, now wide awake, shrugged. "I dunno, hand me the trombone."

"Aight." Weird request, but okay. EFTA leaned back into her chair, searching for a certain cabinet. Once she found it, she gripped the handle and pulled it so a trombone came tumbling out. Skillfully (this was second nature to her), she caught the trombone by its bell, and threw it at EU, who caught it without looking.

He held the mouth piece to his mouth, inhaling deeply. The trombone bellowed, almost making the ground shake. Through all this, EFTA heard a rustling from upstairs. V4 stormed downstairs, fire in his eyes. "WHO"S PLAYING THE FUCKING TROMBONE AT TWO AM?"

EU, nodding, turned to EFTA. "It's two AM."

------

"Fun fact," NATO announced. "When you try to eat pineapple it tries to eat you." EU gasped yet again. He was already at a loss of words from V4 almost dying, and now this? "Whahahahhahwhwhaha?" "Fun fact: M&M stands for Mars and Murrie." NATO continued. He barreled out the facts, one by one, like a cannon blasting out cannonballs. "Fun fact: The first ever oranges weren't orange. They were green." "Fun Fact: Scotland has 421 words for snow." "😀," EU said, holding his hand up to shield himself from NATO.

-------

A younger country, must have been about Weimar's age, burst into the room, screaming his lungs out. A name tag adorned his chest, 'America' printed sloppily on it. He took AU by the shoulders, shaking him vigorously. "Your classmate is repeating everything you say!" Someone snickered from the back.

A nonchalant America continued. "ME! ME! ME! He's eATING ME!"

EFTA had to cover her mouth with her hands to muffle her laughs. All the while, AU was laughing hysterically, even though it kind of hurt to be shaken as hard as this. In the back of the class, EU leaned over the desks to reach COE and whispered, "Is he ok? Is he-" "Probably." "Oh, my bad."

------

EU raised his hand. "Yes?" UN asked. Their eye ever so slightly twitched. He pointed to the whiteboard. "If the mom has red hair and the dad has brown hair, then why does the kid have blond hair?" NATO immediately replied without missing a beat. "I don't know, the mailman." EU looked at NATO with confusion written across his face. Then he gasped. "Wait, wha-"

------

EU raised his hand once again. "I have a question." "Yes?" "What would happen if you ate a snail?" "W-what?" "What would happen if you eat a snail?" he repeated. "What would happen if I ate a snail- what?" UN paused. "I'm at a loss of words. How is this relevant to what we're talking about?" They chuckled to themselves.

------

EFTA sighed, observing the debate that was unfolding in front of her. "I should have never brought up the metal tacos."

"They just hurt the teeth," V4 argued. "That's the downside."

"Thanks. Visegrad." NATO said, almost sarcastically.

V4 ignored this and continued to discuss the metal tacos. "Yet wooden ones give splinters. Which hurts more."

"We would have splinters all over." AU pondered.

"Iron efficiency," EU cracked a small smile, chuckling at his own joke, and placed his hand on his head to make a point.

EFTA looked over at UN, who, as always, had that large grin stretched across their face. However, their left eye was beginning to twitch ever so slightly, more than had ever before.

"Um, guys-"

------

AU stared blankly at the clock, bored. Like, extremely bored. "5 minutes," she said, right when EU was about to speak. "No, my job," the other whispered, ice lacing his tone. "5 minutes :)," EU then announced to the room, a smug smile framing his face. AU groaned. "Well, I took your job." "No, my job is my job." ">: )," AU smiled. EU's face morphed into one of worsening distress. ":(," he replied.

#countryhumans #countryhuman #writing

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pepsi-writes · 3 years

Text

among us AU

Japan took one step in Medbay, careful not to make any noise. Ironically, it echoed throughout the entire room. "White," he whispered. "I'm here. You can come out now." I'm saying this to reassure the other, and definitely not to make me feel better, he reassured himself. He couldn't see much with the beds blocking the way, but he could see a bit of red. He peered closer. And it was blood, because of course it was. It led to a shallow, dark corner in the back of the room, where some thing covered with blood lay. "White? スイス?" He stepped closer to that thing.

And then he saw-

------

"I can't find the ejection lever in this dark." Russia complained. He was never one to whine, but it was especially getting on his nerves that America wouldn't turn on the lights.

"Look for the lever for goodness sake, I want to get this over with." America threatened. Of course he thought that now was the time to practice his 'energy conservative' plan for the lights. "Что мне искать в этом месте, где нет ничего, кроме отчаяния?" He muttered, rolling his eyes.

"Light on," the other rather unenthusiastically said. The lights responded by slowly crackling on, save for a stubborn bulb that continued to flicker on and off. America groaned, muttering something about replacing lights, then sprinted to the cafe.

He pulled down the lever with a hard clunk. The garbage chute slowly opened its outside barrier, and the remains slowly floated away among the pieces of leftovers and the scraps of garbage. As soon as it shut, Russia rushed out to the cafe, sprinting around the hallways to meet the crew. He had exactly twenty-seven seconds to make it to the cafe, and he had to make it count. He pressed the door to the cafe, and there he saw the crew, somberly seating themselves around the cafeteria table. He followed suit, placing himself between Japan and Belgium: code name Gray.

Japan trembled, desperately trying to wipe away tears, and failing to do so. Russia had heard him rambling along about how white was the color of death. Poor kid must be afraid of getting ejected; maybe it was because he was found next to her rotting corpse. Across him, Germany: code name Lime was drumming his finger on the table, desperately trying to figure out how to console himself without looking suspicious, while a distressed Spain: code name Red was also trying to get him to stop making noise.

Denmark: code name Maroon's face was blank as a sheet of paper, but her eyes were beginning to fill up with water-tears. They were tears, Russia said to himself. Denmark was crying-of course she was. Who wouldn't cry at a time like this?

She shut her visor, squeezing her eyes shut behind the plastic barrier. "I-I-I can't look," she sputtered through tears. Of course: the happiest of the crew finally knew what true grief was. Such is life. France: code name Pink patted her back in sympathy, whispering some happy stuff that he didn't care to listen to. The rest of the crew's faces were either blank stone, or indecipherable.

Russia couldn't understand why everybody was so sad, he really couldn't. Weren't they angry? Was it because he was heartless? Was it because he was in denial? Was it because he had no tears left-

The first scrap of garbage accidentally threw itself at the window, leaving an audible bang! He whipped around at the noise. Canada barely muttered to himself, "It's- it's happening." (Russia also barely muttered to himself "No shit, Sherlock.") Soon, the cluster of yesterday's leftovers followed it, some pieces barely clinging on to the rest of the pile. He held his breath. From examining the trash very closely, he knew what was next. And he was, for some reason, thrilled at the thought of knowing exactly what was to come.

-------------------

gore starts here

A bloody, stiff hand peeked out from the corner of the window, while some dismembered fingers followed suit. Of course, the ejection chamber has done a horrible job of butchering the rest of her. Weirdly, he wasn't quite nauseated by the hideous scene that was unfolding.

The body - was it a body when there was only half of it left? - followed the hand, interrupting his train of thought. It was grotesque, several deep cuts lining all over the arms and chest. Blood leaked out from the aforementioned cuts, but clear crystals replaced those immediately. Some organ had melted to a ripped up piece of white coat and dragged itself across the window, leaving a slick trail of red. Severed pieces of skin followed, covered in blood and shards of glass where it had mixed with the garbage.

Russia couldn't even make out the difference between the skin and the blood, just pure, raw flesh. A mass of greyish-pinkish matter and shards of bone trailed behind that, probably what was left of her head.

This, this butchered up piece of gore, was White. He couldn't imagine what kind of pain she must have been in if she were alive. A mixture of feelings began to stir up inside of him, but he pushed them down, trying to decipher them. A lot of nostalgia, a bit of pity, and obviously a pinch of irkiness, and what was that, joy? No, he must be queasy from food poisoning. Orange was a good friend, but not a good cook.

Russia pursed his lips in an attempt to appear disgusted right in front of the others. This was a victim of a murder, he thought, she was your friend! She was killed, her body is cut in half. That must hurt how'd she actually die or did she just bleed out wait no stop thinking about that why are you happy why does this make you happy stop thinking about that this is bad what would everybody think stop thinking about that ejecting me would be their first option i don't want to die too soon why are you starting to smile what are you doing stop thinking about that-

He tried to get any sort of grief out of him, but all he did was rejoice at the thought. Why couldn't he feel anything but happiness? Was he some kind of sick monster that reveled in the death and destruction of others? What kind of monster was he that he wouldn't notice that someone was crying? The last of the garbage disappeared, dragging his thoughts away with it.

White was gone. Forever. And it was relieving to him, like a weight had just been lifted off his chest.

"L-let's just get to the trial." America spoke, about as smooth as jagged glass. He patted Russia on the back half-heartedly. "Ruski, I know you must feel really sad, but we have to find out who killed her." Weird that he was saying that, because Russia was smiling.

------

"And that concludes the events of this case," Russia: code name Cyan said. France: code name Pink exhaled, showing off a weak smirk to cover her solemn expression. "So," she declared. "Japan really did it."

"Damn it!" America: code name Green exclaimed, "I had my bets set on Russia, but now.." Russia sent a small glare at him, but their silly little affairs were meaningless compared to this. France continued, nonchalant about America's response. "This is something I absolutely don't want to accept, but since all the evidence has been brought to light, it is the truth."

"The Japan we've come to know..." Brazil: code name Fortegreen uttered, suddenly as earnest as even Black, "Is a complete and utter disguise."

"He did murder Zwitserland," Netherlands: code name Black said, "everything he said was to manipulate us, to deceive us. He wanted to hurt us for no good reason, and that's the truth I choose to believe."

"If that was a lie as well, I'd have nothing to believe in," Sweden: code name Tan remarked. He glared at the cobalt blue table as if it itself committed the crime. Japan: code name Yellow shook his head. "You guys..." he stopped, looking up to glance at each member's faces. "I don't know anymore. You guys must be lying. Tell me this is just some elaborate prank. Tell me she's still alive! Tell me that you're not blaming me!"

Canada: code name Purple shifted away from Yellow, trembling like he didn't want to believe this. "All evidence points otherwise," he squeaked. "But I'm still voting to skip, if that makes you feel any better." A faint smile played across Japan's lips. He mouthed a 'thank you' at Canada, who nodded back. "Canada!" UK: code name Blue chastised. "You're seriously not going to vote for a murderer?" Canada nodded yet again, as if it was the only thing he knew how to do. "Yeah, I want to make Japan feel at least a little bit happy." Japan already knew he was going to be ejected anyway. He should just accept it and get it over with already. It's not like anybody was going to magically save him with a contradicting piece of evidence. They saw him in front of White, they presented the evidence, they gave him a chance to speak. That's it. It was a fair trial. He couldn't call on ISS, or MIRA, or even JEM. They would all see him as some cold-hearted murderer that did nothing but lie and decieve. Because that's what he was, at least in the crew's eyes. Now he was beginning to believe it too.

------

"The happiest part of my life was the end of it," Sweden: code name Tan lamented in a sultry tone.

Japan cocked his head. "Would you mind describing that?"

He gave a soft smile. "No."

"Sweden."

He groaned obnoxiously, then chuckled at Japan's insulted expression. Japan was obviously not used to being treated so casually; he probably thought it was some form of disrespect. "All right, but that's just because Russia is here. Oh, just thinking about it gives me butterflies in my petite stomach!"

Sweden inhaled deeply, marking the start of a long monologue. Netherlands covered his ears with his ghost hands right away. "I'm out. I'll see you all tomorrow. I'm not hearing whatever comes out of that mouth. I suggest you come with me, Denmark," he said as he floated out of the room. To catch up to him, Denmark scrambled out of her seat and phased through the wall.

"So, Russia didn't vote me out because he clearly likes me. Anyway, after I was outed, Rus romantically-"

Russia flushed, despite the fact that the story was, of course, just another one of Sweden's made for his own amusement. "Hey!"

"-carried me all the way to the ejection chamber, bridal style. He then leaned in close to my fragile little ears and whispered," Sweden imitated Russia by raising his voice two octaves higher, which sounded exactly like him, while he was basically a tomato at this point. " 'I'm so sorry they had to hurt you like this. I wanted to cradle you in my arms and bask in your warmth, and~"

"I've found someone!" Switzerland: code name White exclaimed, with her head poking through the wall and a big garbage bag in her hand. (He secretly appreciated her for interrupting Sweden because he knew Japan wouldn't be ready for what he was about to say.)

Sweden muttered a curse to himself. "I wanted to tell Japan about my love story! Can it wait- wait. You found someone? Is it a ghost? Do you know who it is?"

"Well, it's not one of us right now because they're in bits, but I'm sure they'll wake up soon, and I saw a bit of green," she rambled as she opened the bag and dumped its contents on the bed. "but I guess it was lime, so it might be America, Italy, or Germany. I believe that if I study this closely enough, I would be able to figure out who this is."

She crossed her arms and leaned in close to Sweden, whisper-yelling at him. "Where are Denmark and Netherlands anyway? I want them to see this," she said, not looking away from the mass of guts and blood.

"They both left because I was too awesome." he quipped.

"Hol' up," Russia interrupted. He raised his hands in contemplation for a while, really. "Are you asking me this blood and stuff belongs to a crew member?"

"Well, I did see a red finger and some chicken noodle soup somewhere in there," Switzerland replied, gesturing to the bed, "so my guess is that they were chopped up and thrown into soup. It took two entire days for me to form and I was only chopped in half, so it might take at least a week for this one to form."

"This murder seems a bit extra," Russia pondered. "Maybe even too extra. Who would do that to someone and not get away with it?"

"Now all we have to do is wait," Japan said, completely ignoring Russia's insecurities.

"Yeah, now we sit here and wait for this one to form."

#countryhumans #countryhuman

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pepsi-writes · 3 years

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update on the one-shots book

I’m doing some mass-editing on here of my works, so if you see some chapters being deleted, that’s me doing stuff. I’m compiling most of it in separate chapter related to their subject. For example, the ‘among us AU’ chapters will all be put into only one chapter. The chapters concerning America will all go into one chapter as well.

Stay tuned and stay safe.

#aggie i read chapter 5 what is with lilith #update

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pepsi-writes · 3 years

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all countries

- When a country shows their true form to a human, the human will die in seven days. This is part of a curse decreed by the Roman Republic, before he was suddenly killed by his cities.

- Countries can die, without dissolving and re-spawn. To explain this, if a country has not collapsed and they die as a human would, then they would re-spawn in a few seconds to days. The amount of time it takes to re-spawn depends on the state of the country itself. The more likely that the country is likely to collapse, the more likely the country is going to take a long time to re-spawn.

- Countries are able to reproduce with humans, though it is not encouraged (by the UN, because they're an ass).

- All countries, no matter how much money or power they have, have to show their true form to a human to be actually able to reproduce with them (this is the part UN is deathly afraid of).

- Reproduction is as follows: basically the same as mortals, but it's 3 months instead of 9, since the child forms faster. It works sort of like a pregnancy speed-run.

- Humans are called 'mortals' by the countries, and countries are called 'immortals' by the humans.

- Independence days, national days, anything like that are not considered, for some countries, their true birthday. America is a good example. They were actually born on July 2nd, instead of July 4th (America declared independence on July 2nd, but the Declaration of Independence was published on July 4th, making everybody say that July 4th was Independence Day.)

- The country is right-handed or left-handed depending on which side of the road they drive on. For instance, since UK drives on the left side of the road, he would be left-handed. However, America would be right-handed, since his people drive on the right side of the road. (I stole this from LynxProgram on the Fandom page, credits to them.)

- Only people that hold high governmental positions (presidents, prime ministers, etc.) are able to see the countries in their true form. This was the part of the curse that Roman Republic didn't cover for a reason: he trusted his last leader.

#countryhumans #countryhuman #headcanons #headcanon

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pepsi-writes · 3 years

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at night, the impostor dances: an update on ‘dansez’, my new book!

Hey, Pepsi here!

I’m currently writing the prologue for ‘dansez’, a Countryhumans Among Us AU!

Follow Japan and fifteen country-crew mates as they travel to the Skeld, where bonds are made, strengthened, and maybe even renewed! You’ll find love, respect, and tasks around every corner, leading you to find out more things about each of the crew! The tasks are easy, and you’ll get good pay as well. Everybody is nice, and caring, and the same; there’s nobody out of place-

Uh, scratch that, MIRA’s just received word that there’s an impostor killing them off one by one.

What? It’s an Among Us AU, what did you expect?

Watch Japan and fifteen different country-crew mates suffer as someone among them kills them off one by one. There are tragic deaths, gruesome executions, and sickening despair around every corner. Tasks must be done quickly, quietly, and efficiently, because you don’t want to end up like your dead crewmates, right? Eventually it is revealed who’s suspicious, who’s not, and who’s behind all of these mysterious deaths.

Sometimes, different can be a bad thing.

#countryhumans #countryhuman #shitty trailer type thing #update #PLEASE DON'T TAKE IT IN THE WRONG CONTEXT THIS IS AN AMONG US IMPOSTER THAT I AM TALKING ABOUT I AM NOT DISCRIMINATORY IN ANYWAY

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pepsi-writes · 3 years

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gender

Why not, that's why. This is guaranteed to make at least one of you upset.

UPDATE: [thought I updated this on Wattpad but I didn’t so-]

(mtf) means that the country has transitioned from considering themselves as a male to considering themselves as a female.

(ftm) means that the country has transitioned from considering themselves as a female to considering themselves as a male.

I have a cut below because this is LONG

Afghanistan - Male

Albania - Female

Algeria - Female

Andorra - Non-Binary

Angola - Male

Antigua and Barbuda - Non-Binary

Argentina - Male

Armenia - Female

Australia - Male

Austria - Male

Azerbaijan - Male

Bahamas - Female

Bahrain - Masculine-presenting female

Bangladesh - Female

Barbados - Female

Belarus - Female

Belgium - Androgynous

Belize - Male

Benin - Male

Bhutan - Female

Bolivia - Male

Bosnia and Herzegovina - Non-Binary

Botswana - Agender

Brazil - Male

Brunei - Non-Binary

Bulgaria - Female

Burkina Faso - Male

Burundi - Male

Cambodia - Bigender

Cameroon - Trangender Male (ftm)

Canada - Male

Cape Verde - Genderfluid

Central African Republic - Non-Binary

Chad - Male

Chile - Male

China - Female

Colombia - Male

Comoros - Genderfluid

Republic of the Congo - Female

Democratic Republic of the Congo - Male

Costa Rica - Female

Croatia - Female

Cuba - Male

Cyprus - Non-Binary

Czech Republic - Male

Denmark - Female

Djibouti - Transgender Male (ftm)

Dominica - Female

Dominican Republic - Female

East Timor - Male

Ecuador - Male

Egypt - Female

El Salvador - Male

Equatorial Guinea - Female

Eritrea - Female

Estonia - Female

Eswatini - Transgender Male (ftm)

Ethiopia - Male

Fiji - Genderfluid

Finland - Male

France - Female

Gabon - Male

Gambia - Female

Georgia - Female

Germany - Androgynous Male

Ghana - Female

Greece - Agender

Grenada - Female

Guatemala - Male

Guinea - Male

Guinea-Bissau - Female

Guyana - Female

Haiti - Non-Binary

Honduras - Male

Hungary - Androgynous

Iceland - Non-Binary

India - Female

Indonesia - Male

Iran - Male

Iraq - Male

Ireland - Female

Israel - Male

Italy - Male

Ivory Coast - Androgynous

Jamaica - Male

Business Japan - Male

Entertainment Japan - Female

Jordan - Male

Kazakhstan - Male

Kenya - Female

Kiribati - Female

Kosovo - Female

Kuwait - Female

Kyrgyzstan - Female

Laos - Male

Latvia - Male

Lebanon - Female

Lesotho - Male

Liberia - Transgender Female (mtf)

Libya - Female

Liechtenstein - Transgender Male (ftm)

Lithuania - Male

Luxembourg - Non-Binary

Macedonia - Transgender Female (mtf)

Madagascar - Male

Malawi - Male

Malaysia - Female

Maldives - Female

Mali - Female

Malta - Female

Marshall Islands - Male

Mauritania - Female

Mauritius - Genderfluid

Mexico - Female

Micronesia - Genderfluid

Moldova - Female

Monaco - Androgynous

Mongolia - Male

Montenegro - Genderfluid

Morocco - Male

Mozambique - Genderfluid

Myanmar - Agender

Namibia - Female

Nauru - Non-Binary

Nepal - Male

Netherlands - Male

New Zealand - Genderfluid

Nicaragua - Transgender Female (mtf)

Niger - Male

Nigeria - Female

North Korea - Male

Norway - Male

Oman - Male

Pakistan - Male

Palau - Female

Panama - Female

Papua New Guinea - Female

Paraguay - Male

Peru - Male

Philippines - Male

Poland - Female

Portugal - Male

Qatar - Male

Romania - Male

Russian Federation - Transgender Male (ftm)

Rwanda - Female

St Kitts & Nevis - Genderfluid

St Lucia - Female

Saint Vincent & the Grenadines - Male

Samoa - Female

San Marino - Male

Sao Tome & Principe - Non-Binary

Saudi Arabia - Male

Senegal - Genderfluid

Serbia - Female

Seychelles - Male

Sierra Leone - Transgender Female (mtf)

Singapore - Male

Slovakia - Female

Slovenia - Female

Solomon Islands - Male

Somalia - Female

South Africa - Male

South Korea - Genderfluid

South Sudan - Female

Spain - Transgender Male (ftm)

Sri Lanka - Female

Sudan - Male

Suriname - Male

Sweden - Male

Switzerland - Female

Syria - Female

Taiwan - Male

Tajikistan - Male

Tanzania - Male

Thailand - Transgender Male (ftm)

Togo - Male

Tonga - Female

Trinidad & Tobago - Genderfluid

Tunisia - Non-binary

Turkey - Male

Turkmenistan - Male

Tuvalu - Agender

Uganda - Androgynous Female

Ukraine - Transgender male (ftm)

United Arab Emirates - Male

United Kingdom - Non-Binary

- England - Male

- Scotland - Male

- Wales - Female

- Northern Ireland - Non-Binary

United States - Genderfluid

Uruguay - Male

Uzbekistan - Transgender Male (ftm)

Vanuatu - Female

Vatican City - Male

Venezuela - Male

Vietnam - Male

Yemen - Female

Zambia - Non-binary

Zimbabwe - Male

Please tell me if i missed any countries, it's hard to keep track of them all.

#countryhumans #countryhuman #ow #i spent two hours on this #my middle finger kind of hurts #but that's ok #because i got this published #headcanons #headcanon

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pepsi-writes · 3 years

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update on the headcanons book

I’m doing the gender of ALL the countries!

Yes, that’s right! EVERY COUNTRY!

Thank goodness I found a copy and paste website of the list of countries, it saved me some MAJOR time.

#countryhumans #countryhuman #update

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pepsi-writes · 3 years

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hope and harmony go hand in hand

TW // heavy abuse, blood, mentions of starvation, mention of sexual abuse

The Holy Roman Empire, that dirty narcissist he had to call father, sauntered out of the shed with as much grace and prosperity as possible. He waved his famous sceptre around, now infamous among the three children for littering their backs with scars and bruises, and forcing them to toil for days and days. Prussia turned away, trying to ignore the fact that Netherlands was lying in a puddle of blood, his blood. “I hope you learned your lesson, you ungrateful child. I didn’t want to have to punish you,” he said, slamming the wooden door behind him, making the crude shed shake. “But you broke my favorite vase, anyway. I did nothing wrong!” Prussia flinched. He so wanted to throttle Holy, but he couldn’t see in this dark. The chains and shackles that clamped down around his wrists prevented him from going, well, anywhere. What time was it anyway? They sat there in the dark for quite a while, only heavy breathing and the shackling of chains filling the silence. Prussia started to pick at a piece of bread out of sheer boredom. “You better save that last piece of food,” Confederacy said. He nodded after contemplating for a minute, and pushed the crude bowl away. He had lost his appetite anyway. How much time he had wasted here? It seemed like he was thrown in just a week ago, but then again it seemed like years had gone by in the blink of an eye. “How much do you think we’ll be getting this month?” his half-sister whispered, trying to reach Netherlands so she could cradle him, to comfort him, even if it was useless. Netherlands had given in to curling up into a ball and rocking himself to sleep, weeping softly. “With the way he lashed out today, I’d say a few bits of scraps.” he replied. Swiss Confederacy sighed, looking back down at her brother pitifully. “Do we have any bandages?” “He took them.” Prussia reminded her. “Any cloth?” “Only our clothes,” “Let him bleed out then. The infected blood should come out soon.” “No. I-, just, no.” He didn’t feel comfortable with letting Netherlands drain out his lifeline. Confederacy shrugged with mock indifference. “What do you suggest we do then?” “I don’t know.” “Then get some ointment. Mariana should have come by now to drop it off. Her potions should stop the bleeding.” “No, I can’t.” “Stop being lazy and get the ointment.” “I’m sorry if you’re dumb but I can’t get them.” “Get the-” “Mariana is dead!” he half-screamed. Silence. Pure, pure silence. He couldn’t take it anymore. He was sick of the screaming and the begging and the crying. He was sick of getting beaten for absolutely no good reason. He was sick of losing his dignity in front of everybody. He was sick of having to work long hours. He was sick of getting starved to death. He was sick of having to cry himself to sleep every night. He was sick of having to obey this, this, disgusting vile piece of trash. He would tell them that God was punishing them for their sins, but now he didn’t even know if there was a God. Why was this God making everyone around him suffer? What had they done to deserve this God’s wrath? Why was this God so mean and unforgiving? Confederacy choked. “T-that’s not true!” she huffed in desperacy. “Stop lying!” It was true. He had once looked out of one of the cracks that decorated the shed, in sheer boredom, expecting some grass and a tree, to see a pool of blood, and the Hapsburg Empire (some brother he was) standing over Mariana’s broken and bruised body. As Prussia began to lose himself to his thoughts, the door creaked open. Confederacy’s eyes widened in fear and tried to shush Netherlands to at least muffle his cries. A figure stuck its head inside. “Hello? Is there someone in here? I heard crying and I am here to help.” The figure lit a candle, and Prussia could see the face of a man. Not a country, per se, but a human, a mortal. “Oh my goodness, thee poor children!” The man exclaimed upon seeing the sorrowful sight. “May our Lord God have Mercy on thine all.” (Prussia inwardly cringed.) “Where is thy father? Thy mother?” Prussia was the first one to speak. “Our mothers,” - the man’s eyes narrowed. “are dead. Our father is not much of a, um, father.” The man seemed to realize exactly what he meant. “Dear, it must be very bad for thee. Let me free thee.” Free him? That was very risky, even for this man. Besides, even if he was a man in a sense, he was still a mortal. And Prussia knew mortals were super fragile and delicate, both mentally and physically. The Hol - he could break this man in a matter of seconds. He walked over to Prussia and held the candle under one of his shackles. “Uh, what are you doing?” Prussia asked. Was he going to light the bonds on fire and burn him to death? “Thee will see. By the way, mine name is John Calvin.” He nodded at this John Calvin. “Prussen.” Calvin gave him a smile and turned to look at the others expectantly. “My name is Schweizer,” - Calvin smiled at that, almost too much - “and there is Niederlande.” she said, gesturing to the curled up shadow of a person on the splintered floor, rocking and murmuring to himself. Calvin shook his head, but continued to do this kind of witchcraft. (He should be burned, but he’ll let it slide for now) Prussia could now see the shackles were turning into some type of liquid. Eventually all of the bonds turned to liquid as Calvin held his candle underneath each part of it. He turned his hands to marvel at them as they were brand new. He was, in Calvin’s words, free. Somewhat, anyway, but at least the chains were gone. Calvin did the same to Confederacy, and Netherlands, coaxing him out of his position. Suddenly, a thought appeared in his mind, a thought that would possibly jeopardize the pla- well, whatever this was. “Mister sir, wouldn’t our father die if we all leave?” he blurted. Calvin looked at Prussia with confusion written all over his face. “I thought thee disliked thy father!” “Ja, very much, but if he dies, then, sir, we die as well unless we ‘formally declare independence’.” Prussia looked down. Confederacy’s face fell. Their only chance of escape, ruined by country logic. Oh, what were they to do?

Something in him clicked. What if, he stayed? Prussia was well-built for a kid his age (at least he thought so), he could take quite a beating. His family would still get to be free without fear of dying. He could find a way out somehow, once he knew that everybody would be safe enough to declare independence. “Hold on, what if I stay?” Calvin looked even more perplexed. “Nobody would die, and everybody else would get to escape! It’s the perfect plan!” Calvin froze for a moment. He turned around, shaking himself out of his trance. “I-” Church bells started to ring from somewhere in the distance, somewhere in town square. Midnight. One. Calvin sighed. He kneeled down to be level with Prussia. Two. “Are you sure thee want this?” Three. He bobbed his head, his blood flowing with adrenaline. His muscles stiffened, but he knew it was from the rush of courage. “Yes, sir.” Four. “Alright then. May God have mercy on thyself.” Five. Calvin picked up the Netherlands, slumping him over his shoulders. Six. Confederacy grabbed his hand reluctantly. Seven. Calvin slowly crept through the cabin, making sure to burn out the candle to avoid detection by anyone. Eight. The door opened with a loud creak; Prussia silently cursed it. Calvin stepped out of the doorway. Nine. Confederacy turned to give one last look at him. “Will I see you again?” Ten. He knew he wasn’t going to ever see her again, but her white eyes looked so terrifyingly hopeful. Prussia felt something churn inside of his stomach, not the stuff he felt when he was under Holy, but, something else. Eleven. He nodded. “I’ll find you somehow.” She smiled. She took Calvin’s hand and they rushed out of the shed as the church bells struck for the twelfth time, signaling the end of an old day, and the beginning of a new one. ----- “Where are my other children!?” The Holy Roman Empire wailed, grabbing Prussia by his neck. He let out a groan. It hurt, but Prussia was going to keep his mouth shut. “WHERE ARE THEY?” he screeched. Prussia felt something begin to crack, but he was still not going to tell. The Empire tightened his grip on Prussia, and he began to gasp for air. But he still stubbornly refused. He started to fade in and out of darkness, until it finally consumed him, and he fell slack. Even then, he wouldn’t tell. For, well, the people he loved. ----- Prussia practically ripped off the seal that held the letter in place. There were about 7 seals, a secret passcode they had made up, long ago. “M-my lord?” Prussia turned to the shaking page who stood a good distance behind him. The poor boy looked bewildered, and at that moment Prussia realized what he was doing. A well-respected general, ripping off an abundant number seals with his teeth. He must have looked like a madman at best. He sighed and gave the boy a warm smile. “You can go, and have a blessed evening.” The boy bobbed his head up and down, and proceeded to bolt out of the solar. Prussia chuckled to himself, turning back to the task at hand. The letter now lay opened, neatly topping off his mess of maps and treaties. He glanced at the date. Day 2323178. Prussia cursed the current postal system for being so ineffective. This was dated back to about 450 days back from now.

Prussia Hello! Yeah. Niederlande is still learning how to write in German so he told me to write this. I think he told me to remember to also write something but I can’t remember at the moment. Sorry. I heard you got famous for being in a few wars. What’s it like being famous? Does everybody follow you? Do you have a big house? I guess you do and we’re just here being oh poor peasants, hint hint. Oh, and about the man who saved us, Calvin. Well, it turns out he is a pain in the ass back. He wouldn’t let us do anything fun. The only good time I had with him was when we all found this passed out beat up man in the streets and Calvin decided to take him in. He said his name was Scottie but I don’t believe it because he had an aura. Like, the aura we countries have you know? Now he was really fun. Anyways, Calvin died around Day 2292453 or 2292456 I think. It's hard to keep track of time nowadays. Oh now I remember! After a lot of wars (they were bad but it's not worse than back home) me and Niederlande got independence! In the same year! You can come here now. I hope to see you then. Schweizer and Niederlande.

Huh. He set the letter back down on his desk, something churning inside of him. What was that churning that was sitting in the bottom of his chest, you ask? The yearning for something, the anticipation for something better? He'd had that feeling before when the others had gotten away. He now had fame, wealth, and strength, but he never felt the same way again. It had to be something shining upon him, giving him a sense of longing, for something better than what he already has. Little did he know, it was a ray of hope.

#countryhumans #countryhuman #TW // abuse #TW // toxic relationship #TW // choking #TW // slight sexual abuse #TW // religion #TW // starvation #TW // murder #TW // blood #TW // bruises #writing

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