When the taste of my kiss no longer awakens your soul, let's not sit in despair. I will move down your neck, and make my way across your chest, the touch of my lips hovering your skin. In order to see your soul light up again, I'd harvest my own. Demon's embedded like maggots live inside your skull.  But, their 15 minutes of fame are up.  Here I lay, wrapped up in your warmth, 2 o'clock and I won't rest until you are reminded of all the good that has made it a habit of living inside your racing heart. I will be here. Every minute. Reassuring you of what I see, until I have forgotten the sound of my own name. I refocus my glance, and lock in on you cleaning out your closet of skeletons.  Following your footsteps into the darkness, I am stopped.  A wall built for only your passage now stands in between us two.  This wall may of been built for protection of this cruel word, but it was not done with steel. This too shall rupture, or dishonour me on my death bed.  I will break through to the other side, and you will love me for it.

Jessica Cairns

I am a chameleon of personalities, so believe me when I say I don't expect you to understand. I am an old soul, that incomplete train track. I believe in a man asking a father for his daughter's hand. I believe in fixing a broken heart with The Notebook and his friends Ben and Jerry. I will always hate the colour yellow. You can find me rummaging through an old barn for tattered memories, yet I'll blow off our plans to make new ones. I could write in this journal for the next 16 hours, but then shove it aside for the next 16 months. I'll always remember my label as your shot gun rider, but we both know I would never acknowledge another breath of yours, until I have my last. We all have astronomical fears, shattered dreams and misplaced pieces. The bravest thing you could do is stroll along side of me, as I retrace my steps to find myself again; the beautiful parts and the beastly ones.

Jessica Cairns aka behindwhatshines and ourvinylsecrets

"Give me a shelter structured by your bones, where I can fill the air with my wild-eyed dreams and big city thoughts. Where I can find comfort after my head stops racing, someplace I feel safe at home. If you can't offer that kind of commenced peace to me, what makes you think I'd put my heart on the line?"

- Jessica Cairns aka behindwhatshines and ourvinylsecrets

"I choose to love the quiet ones. The ordinary are the most beautiful of souls. Just because you don't glam yourself up to society standards, doesn't mean you are unworthy of that attention. My ears are open for sound when you decide to unravel bit by bit, as your heart opens up day by day. Then I think to myself, when I am wrapped up in your arms, the most beautiful part is that I get to lay there and soak it all in. You don't know his heart like I do, and its a definate loss on you part."

- Jessica Cairns aka behindwhatshines and ourvinylsecrets

July 14

"But we have free health care, and those are just material things." I responded. He smirked. "How old are you?" He asked. "18." "I’m a retired teacher, and that was the most impeccable answer I have ever received from someone of your generation." He was buying snacks, but I didn’t ask why. Of course, he told me. (He liked to talk) "I’m getting snacks for a surprise road trip with my wife." I looked out towards the car, his wife was there smoking. "She thinks were going to dinner, it’s her birthday. I’m driving her up to Maine for a shopping spree, and this way she can get as much as possible. It’s so expensive here." He paused, and asked; "Why? Out of all the possible things to compare, you justified clothing prices to health care." I proceeded to tell him that I was previously hospitalized in the summer for a long period of time due to a 10 cm wide (and growing) cyst by my heart, which also took on a large infection. "It was extremely crucial because it would of kept growing over my heart, and putting large amounts of pressure on my chest if it wasn’t removed. Not to mention they didn’t want the infection to get into my entire blood stream." He stood there in awe. A complete stranger- why was I telling a compete stranger this? He smiled, and said- quote on quote "you are NOT what this generation is labeled as." And I smiled, because I’ve been working so hard to avoid being what the world is coming to. - Jessica Cairns

When this man first stared talking to me, he asked how I felt about everything being so cheap (material wise) in the U.S compared to Canada, and this is what came of it.

A cocoon is sacred ground. Where a caterpillar is to transform into a vigorous butterfly. We did not emerge as planned- but she did. She was all of our ‘butterflies’ moulded into one. She beholds the heart of a million saints- the one you turn to when you no longer can decide what road to take next. She is the laughter you have been dying to hear, on the gloomiest of days. She is the wisdom you have yet to captivate, and is willing to share. She is the healer, to the tears streaming down your face, at 4am on a Sunday. She is your backbone, in a world where nobody has your back; and she is rare. Oh, so rare. It would be nieve to say I don’t love rare things. Because she is everything we failed to be. Poisionously. Raw. And I, I am her number one fan.

Jessica Cairns (aka) ourvinylsecrets or behindwhatshines

When you find your other half, make sure you don't let your 100 percent, perish to 50. Just because you have found someone to compliment you, doesn't mean you are to fade away in the process. Don't let someone out-shine you, shine together.

Jessica Cairns (aka) ourvinylsecrets and behindwhatshines

People often wonder why there are so many unhappy people in this world. Well, maybe it's because they once loved too much, to the point where it sickened their stomach, but never had someone feel the same way about them; because they have mistrusted those who they thought they could open up to, and were lied to by the people they thought trusted them the most. Or, they despise the ones they're surrounded by...who live for the drama, feed off pain. Are disgusted by the few who lack self respect in any context at all, and the many who take everything in life for granted. And, with a combination of 26 letters, have been broken down to nothing. The world is full of ugly people, but you may be lucky enough to come across the rare, beautiful souls that are just as broken as you.

Jessica Cairns (aka) ourvinylsecrets and behindwhatshines

It’s so uncommon to have rare, ludicrous moments these days. Like, when you find yourself reminiscing about old love. Wondering if your ever going to have that someone again. That someone who makes funny faces and obnoxious noises when your mad, so you can break out in laughter. Or the person who makes you walk on the inside of the side walk “just incase.” The other half who will drive you 2 hours to a town you grew up in, yet know nothing about, so you can get shitfaced on the way to bury your grandmother, who was also your best friend. The person who would clean your car for you, because..let’s face it. You said you were going to do it 5 months ago, and they know your never going to. That rare, ludicrous moment when you can say to yourself that your excited to find that again, and that it’ll be more extravagant then ever.

Jessica Cairns ourvinylsecrets aka behindwhatshines