onyxminwral
Nico_on_the_downlow
TW: ed stuff, currently very active!!Block don’t reportMinor! 20+ please dni!!Lgbtq+ friendly space <3
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cvasquez
You tried to take the best of me. Go away!
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Life is surprisingly difficult when you are constantly avoiding your own reflection. Bro I can’t even look at my shadow because it makes me anxious.
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1,651 days to go. (I think I missed a day)
I’ve never been home for such a lengthy period of time before due to mental health issues. Usually I’m just sick but I’m literally scared of leaving my house now. It’s rough.
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Fuck, I thought I would go back to school today but I’m so.. I don’t want to do this.
I’m so so tired. I just want to stay in bed. I don’t want to leave my house again. It’s awful.
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1,653 days to go.
I don’t know if it’s my period or if it’s something else but I don’t want to do anything anymore. I didn’t go to school again today and I’m fighting to stay up right now. I just want to take my meds and go to sleep, but my dad is home and he’s going to be on my ass about it.
At least I know my friends are still thinking about me. You don’t realise how much you mean to people until you hear that they’re worried about you. My friend messaged me and said she misses me and I just wanted to cry.
I know I’m counting down the days but it’s getting harder and harder to let go.. I’m worried I won’t be able to go through with it when the time comes.
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1,653 days to go.
I haven’t looked in the mirror in days. I am dreading having to go to school tomorrow because it means I’ll have to get ready and leave my house.
I really don’t want to leave the house. Just let me stay in my damn room.
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Hey so how tf am I supposed to go about kms if the universe is sending me signs not to do it?
I got a message from my friend asking if I was alive bc she had a dream that I’d committed, and she was afraid that it was real.
Bro my heart can’t take this. I can’t take this.
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I don’t know why but I can’t be around my father anymore. He hasn’t even done anything but I just can’t be around him.
I hate this.
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Trying to hold on to a reality that I hate.
I might as well let go now.
Thinking of postponing The Day. Wait until he’s a bit older. Can process it better.
I’ve already made up my mind. No use in changing things now.
Just have to. Use these days wisely.
Right?
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I’m scared. I’m already forgetting people. First it was my friends, now it’s my family. I can barely remember what my connection to them is.
Maybe it’s for the best. Maybe it’s a good thing that I forget about them. Less attachment, less guilt to go through with it.
1,654 days. I wish I could use them wisely.
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1,654 days left.
I should warn everyone now that this account is going to getting really heavy from now on. A lot of talk about The Day. Please don’t report it, just block me instead.
Anyways.
I’m so tired. I want to go back to sleep. First I have to get my steps in and then I can sleep. Just a few more hours of being awake, then I can go back to bed. I should get started
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I’m not even kidding, I haven’t seen my little brother’s face in like four days. Why? I’m trying to disconnect as much as possible so that I don’t feel too much regret and guilt when The Day comes around.
Maybe I’m a terrible older sibling. I don’t really deserve him, do I? I feel bad but it’s what has to be done.
It was going to happen eventually.
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I don’t know where else to put this so I’m putting it here.
On October 31st, 2028; I’m going to end things. I have made a plan and am fully prepared for it to happen. I’m counting down the days patiently and know that I should make the most of the few years I have left. I don’t have any regrets making this decision, except that I won’t get to see my little brother grow up.
There are 1,655 days left. Use them wisely.
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When asked why I got top surgery:
I have an extensive graphic tee collection and boobs really fuck up the design
I wanted to be a more aerodynamic swimmer
The anime style ‘boing’ sound effect from my tits kept alerting the guards and it was really cutting into my revenue as a jewel thief
Lost them in the war
Pat down my chest then franticly check my pockets and bag. ‘I most have left them at home’
They would bounce at a speed of 379 mph and the sound was getting noise complaints
Commitment to cosplay
Rehomed them for a small fee, just couldn’t take care of them anymore
Wym I never had tits?????
They turned evil and I had to cut them off like Ash (from the evil dead) had to cut his hand off
They just refused to pay rent so I had to have the city evict them
Sold them for computer parts
The vibe was off with them
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Bedtime at every hour of the day.
My bed is my best friend.
I would rather rot away
Than go anywhere
I’m losing my mind
I’m losing myself
I’m so so sure
That I’m going to disappear
I’m thinking of ending things.
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Trying to remember the events of today in a coherent manner.
I remember taking my meds and getting really drowsy and nearly falling asleep standing.
I remember trying to pvrg3 and not fall asleep in the toilet.
I remember my mom calling me to ask how I’m feeling.
I remember falling asleep for six hours.
I remember recording a message saying I’m thinking of ending things.
I remember feeling completely detached from myself all morning.
I remember thinking that I might die and I’ll be all alone.
I remember dreaming of being sent back to when I was ten years old and that I desperately wanted to go back to my timeline. I remember asking god to send me back. I remember being denied.
I want to forget about today. I don’t think I want to be alive anymore.
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Ok maybe I took too much bc I passed out for like six hours 💀💀💀
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