once-upon-a-stolas
Once Upon a Stolas
Once upon a time there was this nice old bird dad, and we really liked him. Let us tell you about him.
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July 20th and 21st, 2020.
Blitzo posts to let everyone know he just told a funny joke at work, inform us of his latest horse name, and plump up his own ego. Stolas drops by to engage in some fairly shameless simping, to which Blitzo appears unimpressed.
Stolas's next post following this one sees him in his room, fixated on "something" that distracts him so intently it affords Octavia the opportunity to steal his phone. She snaps off a picture and we see that he's blushing furiously, and the consensus in the comments is that he was looking at Blitzo's latest picture. Blitzo laughs at him in the comments, says Stolas can't get him because he doesn't have his phone, Stolas chimes in that he has his phone back, and Blitzo shows/possibly feigns horror. Stolas replies with a frowny face, Blitzo answers back with a gasping one that, if I'm being honest, is sort of hard to read.
I know I say this very frequently, and I'm sure I'll say it again, but it really can't be stressed enough how much damage the introduction of the full moon deal did to their relationship. It's colored every interaction, hung over every exchange. Even their most amicable series-proper moments are poisoned by the unescapable fact that Blitzo is being coerced to have sex with Stolas once a month, and that Stolas pushed him into agreeing to this while a cannibal family was shooting at him in the dark.
Now that Vivzie has officially declared the pilot noncanon, 2020, pre-Murder Family Instagram is the only iteration of these characters and this relationship in which that was never the case.
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Incoming, long overdue update, but before I do, a quick one that I hope will emphasize one of my reasons for keeping this blog outside my affection for, and mourning for, Instagram Stolas. Namely, just what a time capsule the HH/HB character blogs ended up being.
That Instagram summer took place during the thick of the COVID pandemic, and for a lot of us, checking in to see what these characters were up to was a welcome respite from the real world. The characters were kinder than they would end up being in the series, especially in the case of Stolas, their interactions generally a lot more harmonious and slice-of-life. It was comfortable, gentle, at a time when the audience desperately needed that.
This comment, on the other hand, is very recent. There's no real reason to include it in this post, if I'm being honest.
It just breaks my heart a little.
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Hi! Reading this blog makes me feel like I skipped several pages that have been torn out of the book. Where are you getting all this??
The character Instagram accounts. They were most active before Murder Family aired, none of them were played by Vivziepop herself, and apparently, she didn't make it a fun experience.
Stolas's was daddy_hoothoot, Blitzo's was blitzorodeo.
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any bets for what will happen in the next episode?
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Good guess, but no, that's not true. I'm not really in a position to say more, but the reasons the Instagram accounts ended had nothing to do with that.
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Another kicker about the latest episode is that they seem to be trying to retroactively canonise the Instagrams by having Blitz mention that Stolas likes his pictures and etc. Putting it another way, they're trying to make the current, 'can't understand Blitz hates being treated like a sex object' Stolas look better...by insisting he was actually like the Stolas who came the closest to being an actual decent, if flawed, person the entire time
That one hurt something fierce. Present!Stolas had his moment, several in fact, to show that he cared about Blitzo as something more than a sex object and he took advantage of none of them. Blitzo told him point blank how Stolas made him feel and Stolas's response, come Seeing Stars, was to paw Blitzo and tell him how good in bed he was.
The Stolas who laughed at Blitzo's jokes and asked about how his day was has been gone for three long years now. That Stolas would have rather died than treated Blitzo the way his present day iteration did, lying in that luxurious bathtub and listening to Blitzo be shot at.
You want to make present Stolitz likeable, Vivzie and Brandon? Then make it likable. Stop salvaging the corpse of a kinder Stolas written by someone whose identity is a mystery to us, and let that Stolas rest in peace.
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As we all settle in to watch the leaked episode and then insult each other on Twitter about it, a quick one from July 5th, 2020.
Before!Stolas never lacked for something nice to say to Moxxie and Millie. He never lacked for something nice to say to anyone save Valentino, but you always got the sense that he really liked Moxxie. This wouldn't mark the only time they chatted amicably about cooking. As of this writing however, Present!Stolas has addressed Moxxie once -- back in Loo Loo Land -- and it involved insulting him and Millie.
There's one thing I'd like to call attention to, and it's actually unrelated to Stolas, past or present. It's about Angel Dust up there, with his Fat Nuggets icon and his heart emoji, happily mingling with the Helluva cast as was often the case during that summer.
The truth is that it wasn't, or at least wasn't solely, A24's acquisition of Hazbin that brought an end to the Hazbin Instagram blogs. Someday, when the people involved are in a place to talk, my hope is that everyone will know why.
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Warning: Leaked content.
The Stolas I loved so much was sympathetic and kind, and written by someone who didn't feel the need to villainize his 17-year-old daughter in order to make him seem moreso.
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Hello, welcome back, and once again, a few not-inconsequential things seem to have happened between this blog's last update and today. The lost season one finale aired, the legal troubles surrounding it were implied to not be completely over, and to reiterate, several logs of Vivzie saying extremely transphobic things were leaked. But today, just for a moment, we're going back to a happier time -- back to mid-July of 2020.
Today's post is actually a triple feature focusing on three smaller, lighthearted Instagram posts.
Stolas takes a selfie in a casual business suit and tie he found while rummaging in his closet, and he cleans up nicely. The comments speculate he's dressed up for a date with Blitzo, but by all indications, he just likes how he looks and the way it makes him "feel rather dapper." As has been stated a few times, Before!Stolas didn't need an excuse to do this. Before!Stolas possessed a maturity and confidence his present day iteration just doesn't have, and posting pictures of himself just because he felt attractive that day were a common occurrence with him.
In keeping with the hot summer days of this timeframe, a selfie of Stolas lounging by the pool with an ice cold drink in hand. He chats with his followers about his libation of choice (a Tropical Storm, which can be made a few different ways, but from the looks of it, Stolas seems to have gone with the version containing passion fruit, pineapple juice, vodka, and blue curaçao) and what he's wearing. Stolas is adamant that he is in fact wearing a bathing suit and gets adorably flustered about it.
Blitzo goes to see "Catz Da Musical" for Moxxie's sake, and Stolas drops by to mention that he took Via to see it when she was very young. Blitzo's horrified that he took Via (who he refers to by name) to see a musical about writhing, horny cats in skintight suits, Stolas agrees it most definitely wasn't the appropriate viewing material he thought it would be, and it's an overall normal bonding conversation concerning their daughters -- the kind they should have had in the series proper by now, but as of this writing, still haven't. Fun fact: This last post which will be referenced years later in Truth Seekers, long after this characterization of Stolas is gone.
There's not much to say that hasn't been said already. Before!Stolas is warm and sweet, behaves like an adult, and he and Blitzo are comfortable discussing something other than Blitzo's genital size. They talk about their daughters. They feel safe and happy in each other's presence.
It's July 19th, 2020, and it will be three months before that changes, and three years before Vivzie says those things.
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Hey just wanted to tell you how wonderful your blog is. Your analysis are very thoughtful and passionate. Stolas has never been my favourite, both Before!Stolas and Show!Stolas, but reading your posts makes me understand why you love him so much. No offence of course, hes just not my type of person I suppose. I just happened to stumble upon your blog and stayed.
I can truly relate to having a comfort character/media that I basically had to rip myself from because of its awful creators promoting truly disgusting stuff.
I just want to thank you. I’m a very casual helluva “fan” (viewer) but I’ll probably keep rereading this blog and it’s posts over and over again. It’s a very beautiful eulogy.
Thank you for this, Anon. It's comments like these that push me to keep doing this.
I'm sorry to hear you lost your comfort character. To be clear, I don't think anyone should ever feel they have to rip themselves from any piece of media they love just because a creator turned out to be a bad person, but for me, Helluva is just too poorly written to stick with in spite of Vivzie's behavior. But I'm grateful for the memories, and grateful to have loved a character like Before!Stolas.
I can't stop people from defending the Stolas who mistreated Blitzo almost to the point of tears on the grounds that "Stolas put him to bed with aspirin once," but I can share the story of the Stolas who treated him kindly from the first day to the last. I'm glad to have people like you along for the trip.
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Maybe therapy would help you with your unhealthy attachment issues. And I say that as a person who agrees with half of things you write, so please don’t take it as me being a Viz fan
I, the first and only person on Tumblr.com to like a fictional character, will go and get help with that.
#Anonymous#I can promise you guys I do things with my time that aren't this.#The blog name isn't 'once-upon-a-time-the-mod-made-chilli.'
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So Viv posted on Twitter that only the blitz & stolas instas were somewhat canon, which is strange if u ask me given how much of a worse person show!Stolas is, despite the narrative bending over backwards to suggest otherwise
Vivzie's good at thinking she can write whatever she wants and then selectively pick through it later, or fix it all with a tweet. Yes, this satisfies her diehard inner fandom who would be with her if she held on a bucket of mayonnaise for 20 minutes, but it's not a sustainable way to write a show.
Even show!Stolas is all over the place. He basically started out as a villain, then became a sympathetic antagonist, and then Vivzie decided they were childhood best friends. That sets the fandom up for failure because you've got people trying to reconcile the cold, manipulative Stolas of Murder Family with the sad wet puppy of Ozzie's, people citing wildly contradictory instances to either defend or criticize Stolas, and then you bring in the kindly team dad of the 2020 Instagrams, and it's a mess. It guarantees that no matter which characterization of Stolas you love or hate, you're in for a frustrating time.
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There’s a couple of reasons why the posts around here come so sporadically.
1. There are more eyes on them when a new episode’s just come out.
2. It eases my conscience to call peoples’ attention to Vivziepop when she’s already got it.
3. One day, we’ll reach the very last Instagram installment before Murder Family, the last thing that can be said. I’ll hit post, and at that moment, Stolas -- the Stolas who was my comfort character, the one who got me through that COVID summer, the Stolas I loved -- will truly be gone.
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A follow-up to the previous post. Stolas is embarrassed, and Moxxie apologizes on Blitzo’s behalf, but Stolas clarifies that he’s not mad.
(He also calls Moxxie “little imp,” a reminder of his ingrained prejudices. Before!Stolas wasn’t perfect, but unlike his present day self, he didn’t casually mistreat his imp servants for laughs.)
The pre-Murder Family Instagrams were consistently good about this. The relationships between characters weren’t always smooth or effortless, but there was a core of basic decency at the heart of the main crew’s interactions. Blitzo was more inclined to throw Moxxie a bone now and then, and Stolas was gracious, warm, mature, and generally more princelike.
I’ve heard people describe this as a “boring coffee shop AU,” something nobody could have possibly wanted in the main series. That will always be saddening to me.
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Here’s the one, guys. The one that I’ve been waiting for and I know a lot of you have been waiting for, and we should talk about all the things that have happened in the interim, we should view these through the the lens of the Kendraws screenshots, Millie’s brother, the transandrophobia/ableism screenshots...
We’re not going to be doing any of that. Not today. Let me have the memory of this one.
This incident starts off with Blitzo, undisguised and in plain view, being spotted and photographed by a human in the living world. To say that Stolas is annoyed would be a gross understatement; he’s pretty fuming, not even remotely playing around. It’s quite possibly the angriest we ever see him become, with the possible exception of the time a commenter suggested he rape Blitzo.
Now, before we get to the good part, it has to be said how important this is, because it speaks volumes regarding Before!Stolas and Blitzo’s arrangement regarding the grimoire. This was all taking place pre-Murder Family, and as said many times before on this blog, without expecting anything in return. Stolas simply allowed Blitzo to use his grimoire because he liked him, and in these posts, we see that his only condition was this: that Blitzo not do anything foolish with it. A condition Blitzo, being Blitzo, breaks.
That being the case, Stolas shows up at I.M.P.’s office, waiting for hours in the office to have a serious talk with Blitzo, who avoids him until Stolas makes it clear why he’s interrupting work hours, at which point Blitzo lets him in immediately.
And here’s, of course, where things get fun.
Blitzo lets Stolas lecture him for a while, and then whips out a remote controlled vibrator. Stolas is surprised, but needless to say, delighted. Blitzo is delighted. You’re delighted, I’m delighted, everyone’s delighted. The only one not enjoying this is Moxxie.
(The commenters are also delighted, and that’s not a good thing. Just a quick scroll reveals that there are a lot of very, very young people in this crowd. I’d say at least half of them have no idea what’s going on here.)
Stolas would be within his rights to get extremely upset over this, but after all is said and done, he just tells Blitzo that he’s lucky he’s cute. Blitzo flirts back at him, saying Stolas is lucky Blitzo wasn’t recording him, Stolas is aflutter, and all is forgiven.
So, what does this very lighthearted, extremely fun incident tell us about Before!Stolas and Blitzo’s relationship? A couple of key things.
1. Blitzo and Stolas’s sexual encounter was not a one-off deal; the only way that this is able to take place is if Stolas is wearing a vibrator 24/7.
2. Blitzo enjoys his sexual relationship with Stolas. He enjoys teasing him and is comfortable enough around him to do so.
3. Because the full moon deal doesn’t apply, they’re both doing this for no other reason than they want to.
We now know, by Vivzie’s own admission and the admissions of people who were close to her, that Vivzie writes by the seat of her pants and frequently changes things on a dime. We know, for instance, that Present Day!Stolas and Blitzo being childhood friends was a last moment pivot based on a piece of fanart she liked. This is, of course, not the way to write a coherent story, but it explains everything about Stolas’s wildly inconsistent characterization. The Stolas we saw bleeding out in today’s episode, love him or loathe him, is a completely different character than the Stolas who once crossed his legs and went brrrr.
And that’s why, the further away we get from that summer of 2020, the more important it becomes to me that that briefly lived iteration of Stolas is remembered for who he was, and his romance with Blitzo remembered for what it was. Because it was trusting, playful, healthy.
And it had remote controlled vibrators.
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