novstie
thought haver, normal and sane in every way
it me! (he/him)
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ok lets settle it. which laios is getting the best dick rn
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freakin weed lol #420
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been feeling crappy so doodled the olâ reliable (soft desert duo)
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ppl using ahh instead of ass is the corniest shit ever like it actually pisses me off a little
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which is definitely not an omen
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#oughuuhuhouhuhuhhuuhuh#the values r so pleasant#that little.. ash-like texture....#rb#art#inspo#dunmesh#ask to tag#blood
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i drew my funniest core memory
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Can you watch this freaking thing for me
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Since the OP made their post unrebloggable (and blocked me. Both actions they are well in with their right to do)
I'm going to make my response it's own post because I think the point is important
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As someone who is autistic and has BPD and CPTSD and loads of trauma yes you sometimes need to change how you interact with others to keep people around
When I was 13 I hit the few friends I had when I was angry
I had to change that in order to keep those friendships
When I was in my early 20s if I was losing an disagreement with my husband I would threaten to kill myself. My husband told me it hurt him and was cruel and manipulative behaviour, because it was.
So I worked hard to change that to keep my relationship
It's easy to say "I shouldn't have to change for others" and that's true to an extent. You shouldn't change your interests or passions or dim your light. And you should have space to be imperfect and flawed and not have to pretend your ugly bits aren't real. But if something you are doing it causing other people harm you kinda need to change that.
That's called "living in a society"
People adapt to each other and make space for each other in their lives. You adapt to them and they adapt to you
You start being more diligent about throwing away the empty toilet roll because it really bothers them. They start warning you before they run the blender because you hate loud noises
I stopped threatening to kill myself because I was mad I was losing an argument and my husband stopped being so vocally judgemental amount media he personally dislikes
There is a certain type of person who heard the phrase "your emotions are valid" and took that to mean "my emotional reactions and my behaviour are always objectively correct because my emotions are valid and if you have an emotional response or react to what I'm doing negatively then you are wrong and you can't be hurt because my emotions are valid"
And that's a recipe for disaster
Your emotions are valid to feel. They are how you feel and there are reasons you feel the way you do
However, your reactions and behaviour are something you can learn to control and can be irrational
We live in a society and we as people change each other as we interact and that isn't necessarily a bad thing
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first color pass for one of the tarot portraits
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you. american adult with a drivers license. can you tell me who has the right of way at a 4 way stop
#yeah um who gets there first or the person to the right of you and ideally you put pedestrians first in any case#i think most of us just look with our eyes tho bro like it's subconscious atp#rb
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hunger
#blood#eye trauma#ask to tag#this shit SLAPS. it FUCKD#fucks*. .. i refuse to retype#or edit i mean#anyway#YOOOOOOOOO#dunmeshi
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A child is having outbursts at school, or at home, or wherever else, on a pretty regular basis. And at some point, someone suggests that they need to learn better coping skills.
They suggest therapy, or maybe thereâs even a special program at school. Because yes, better coping skills/self-regulation skills/frustration tolerance really would solve everything, wouldnât it?
Well those are fine skills to have, to be sure, but more often than not, itâs not what that child (or adult) needs most. What they really need is someone to figure out whatâs stressing them out so much and then do something about THAT.
Because itâs not actually weird to be distressed over distressing things. Maybe *you* donât understand whatâs so distressing about school or the grocery store or that new person in the house, but that doesnât mean *their* distress isnât legit.
People reeaalllly like to suggest better coping skills for autistic, ADHD, and otherwise ND folks. (Since we already have a diagnosis, itâs that much easier to locate the problem in US.) And what theyâre really saying with this an awful lot of the time is, âCan you please stop being so distressed by distressing things because itâs making a lot of work for us and weâre not about to change anything for you.â
So before you put someone in some sort of therapy that will teach them that theyâre wrong to be upset about the things that upset them and how to get better at pretending to be okay, maybe consider that you might be expecting them to âcopeâ with more than they can reasonably be expected to.
#um lots to unpack here#1. YES we need less shit absolutely#2. A good therapist will not tell you you're wrong for being stressed. But. yes. society at large and many people will :]#and if i misread (perhaps this talks ab. school therapy that supports the system)#then forgive me haha#rb#text
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