Have you ever felt like there are energy vampires?

When you are succeeding, finding your own way and making changes in your life

Do the people who don’t believe in you or question your actions just try to suck the motivation or passion out of you on purpose?

What is it motivated by?

Self limiting beliefs?

Jealousy?

Lack of empathy?

I don’t understand but what I do know is that it’s so dangerous to be around those kind of people

It takes a while for people to really show their true colors

But is it wrong to just do what you want to do?

Is it so wrong to want to try new things?

Isn’t that what living is?

I wish that everyone could focus on what they want, and believe they could really have whatever they want, whenever they want it

Because if they don’t, the possibility of it ever happening vanishes in thin air

Like it was never there at all..

富士山 Mt. Fuji by Masayuki Nozaki

Life update: I got married in Japan, yes that's right.

Like some famous saying. "When you stop looking for something, it finds you", is basically what sums up the past 4 years for me.

I moved from The U.S, WA to Shizuoka Japan right when the pandemic started. Life was a roller coaster for me with ups and downs up until that point. I guess you could say it's the rather predictable trajectory as you go through life and begin to become an adult, but it steadily went in the upward direction for me.

My wife found me on Tandem, a language exchange app where we can learn and speak different languages. In my profile I wrote my dearest passions; classical music, nature, traveling and gaming. It was a perfect chance because my wife share those passions with me now and every day is an adventure.

Me in a wedding “Hakama”

My life has changed so much. I went from 177lbs in the US to 138lbs just by diet alone. The saying how healthy Japanese food is compared to American food is actually not as true as you think. There is unhealthy food, but the key really is utilizing the readily available healthy food. It's astounding how easy it is to get a healthy meal for a cheap, fast and low price while being unsuspectingly tasty and satisfying. America makes it too easy to eat food that will just make you fat. I'm sure there's some level of extra additives and preservatives too but it's hard to say much about that. Just living here got me healthier. But I sure do miss Jersey Mike's subs and authentic Mexican food..

Relationships drain me as an introvert.

I met so many people with vastly different backgrounds from me and with that brought so many memories, like scattered puzzle pieces that can only be found when you realize the ups and downs of life are just how it goes.

I made friends cry. I helped crying students. I helped them win competitions, get into an esteemed university and at the same time, made them look at the world from a different lens. Just reaching out. It's really all it takes.

I worked at a high school university from 2021 to 2024 and it was a job that was so comfortable, I could honestly say I could have kept for the rest of my life. My wife lived far away and I wanted to live together. Alongside my foreign coworkers working there for 10-20 years saying that they aren't passionate about teaching and realize their life has more meaning than that. Made me think that it was a good stepping stone into what I am wanting to achieve in my life. I was satisfied, it was bittersweet. But my wife was the driving factor to get me out of there. They treated me amazingly, too amazing for the work that I did. It was my time to move on. I'll post a picture of my wife too, but don't tell her!

Staying in one place forever, what does it really mean?

I moved to Yamanashi this year. Shizuoka was my home and my roots were just starting to grow in the directions as you would expect; career, health and fitness, business and local event connections, love for the nature of Mt. Fuji and the diversity between the sea and mountains. All I can really say is that it's weird starting all over again.

There are mountains for all of us to climb, but the biggest challenge is realizing them. Once you know what to do, where to invest your energy, time, resources, attention. Only then you can really build something that you are proud of and something you are passionate bloody passionate about that you would be proud to call it your life's work. But it's most often than not hiding in plain sight.. at least for me.

Anyways, I'll share some photos of my life so it's not just randoms from when I was a young adult.

I haven't decided yet, but I want to start writing freely and I think this would be a good outlet for that. Thank you for reading if you made it this far.

I decided to start writing and the flow of thought brought me back here. Hello again everyone who is still here with me :)

Just going out on the other side of the world, it’s been low. It’s not the first time and it won’t be the last. Stuck between lost and found

Only me here can get me out of this mess. Don’t you dare point a finger at me, can’t you see that I brought me here?

I’ve dipped my toes in, scared to find out what lies deep within

With my words, i’m trying to fill the emptiness. Just phrases and pros and fictions that don't make sense. My words, i'm scared they’ll never be enough to reveal all my fears and all I feel.

My words, your words. They are all mixed up in translation.

Even Akiba is advertising this game

At my JHS I have a 3rd grade student that frequently confesses her love for me in the hallways, staff room and sometimes even the classroom. She was so excited when I entered the classroom she jumped and the guys around her we’re shouting “ikemen” which basically means attractive guy. It was just as hilariously awkward as it was embarrassing.

I’ve heard stories of female ALTs in JHS having frequent love confessions to them but I guess it happens to guy ALTs too..

Today in my larger elementary school I was handing out zoo animal stickers to the 3rd graders for answering questions like “what color do you like?” or “what food do you like?” in front of the class. I thought it was harmless until i showed them my other stickers of hamsters, eevee and sumiko gurashii after class.

A flock of pleading students formed and followed me around school begging for one in Japanese. One student even dedicated himself to blocking the others from grabbing my arm and shirt. The teacher was laughing and translating that they just really wanted a sticker, but I can’t just give those out for free!

go home

In my dream, I met a mayor gentleman.

Slowly things are starting to feel routine. Living in Japan, interactions at my schools with teachers, staff, students, and the friends I’ve made. One of my friends from training left 3 days ago. He really didn’t like teaching from the start and mentioned that to me during our training in March. It really made me think about what I am missing from home and how interactively distant I feel, especially with how social I was at my restaurant job with my coworkers and guests. I wondered if the magic is starting to fade for me to, living in Japan and all.

No, I don’t want that. We’ve just started living.

Someone really important to me so many years ago said “Everyone smiles when they are with you. From now on, you should share your happiness with other people”. At the time I denied it. I couldn’t smile without you. But now I am beginning to see why I’m here, as the momentum of this situation is less of a waterfall but more steady like a current. The desire of always wanting to learn, striving to be better and come out of it with no regrets is key that will never let the intial feeling of this journey fade.

I went to Tokyo this last weekend and had the time of my life there, just like the first time I visited last year. I went to Skytree for the first time and the best time since Covid delayed the FF7 Midgar at Skytree event, it was amazing. The event is finished at the end of August and I nearly threw in the towel to risk my health and well-being to see it, but my friend insisted and booked a hotel in Ginza with his free hotel points from traveling and we even got upgraded in the fanciest district in Tokyo. He’s not into FF but I managed to drag him to Skytree and a FF Eorzea Cafe I’ve been wanting to visit. I had never felt so happy to finally experience my favorite childhood game remade in the city I’ve wanted to be in for so so so long. I felt like I was 6 again yet I was able to contain my excitement and emotions. We went to Shinjuku, Harajuku and so many cool places I would never know of if I was on my own. From all the amazing places I’ve been, Tokyo has to be my favorite place in the world at this moment in time.

I’ve been living in Japan for almost half a year and I am beginning to realize what it takes to live in a country with a language you don’t speak but are so immersed in it everyday. I’m so nervous and shy when I’m normally outgoing and easy to talk with and it got to the point where I said what I’m doing isn't worth it; I’m not going to continue my lazy half-ass learning habits of Japanese. I am going hard in learning the language and I mean HARD by immersing in all Japanese all the time (when I’m not working as an English teacher that is). I’m not going to waste money on classes that I don’t want to take. I want to prioritize my happiness and fun. I want to complete Japanese 100% and know everything there is to know about the language. Right now I’m starting at maybe 5% if I’m lucky, but I have so much passion and excitement about learning Japanese. I want to have more genuine connections with people that don’t speak English. I want to be able to connect myself to Japan on a deeper level and learn everything there is to know. I’m holding myself to it and in doing so I hope the magic for me here never fades.

In my dream, I met a mayor gentleman superior to thousands, ten thousands people. In that state, I was able to realize why I was so unhappy until now. It came to me like flowers smell so sweet on warm days in spring. A happy manifestation that should be celebrated, like a decayed branch that has flowers open once again.

Yallingup, Western Australia, Australia | anjsemark

If there’s something you want, you have to go all out to claim it for yourself. Life’s more fun that way.

Today, I was reminded how beautiful languages are.

I just got home from my first day back after the Olympics/sports holiday, or what it would have been. I decided on a whim to go to Osaka with the Shizuoka ALTS and one in Shiga, and I had the time of my life.

Being in the 4th most livable city in the world was eye opening to say the least. Let alone spending the weekend with my friends from the UK, I would think personality differences surfaced more than cultural ones. Safe to say I got to know the quirks of my English pals from the lens of an introverted west coast American real quick.

English has so many variations and accents it really is quite amazing how we can be in such vastly different parts of the world but still use the same language. How those places influence the sounds of the language is so interesting to me. It really hit me when we visited the 2nd highest rated coffee shop in Osaka (according to the bean hunter) and the Japanese cashier spoke phenomenal English, with a New Zealand accent. I wouldn’t have recognized it if I hadn’t worked with someone from there during my last month at the restaurant in WA, and my philosophy professor was a native there too. It’s definitely my favorite English accent.

It really made me think how much my accent can affect my students picking up the language, and coming from a Hawaiian/American/Japanese family, where it all mixes together and now I’m the example in the school that represents the entire English language. It scares me to say the least, if I’m setting a good example. My UK friends find it hilarious whenever I subtly say anything remotely Hawaiian/pidgin (which is so annoyingly natural to do when talking slowly, plus Hawaiian accents are influenced by UK English more than American oddly enough). Even though I grew up speaking very “normal” American English, it’s so different when I’m the only one that speaks the way I do. It’s really amazing when I stop and think about it.

I wonder what my Japanese sounds like when I speak with my native friends here? Right now it’s probably just gaijin Japanese, but if I had to choose, I would love to pick up the east Shizuoka dialect of where I live now. One day ill be able to choose on my journey to master the Japanese language.

Ill maybe write more about Osaka but needless to say, I don’t think I’ll ever be the same.

Training week in Hamamatsu Japan

I stepped off the shinkansen in the twilight of the city lights and into the Hamamatsu station exit terminal. It was like an airport. Clean white marble walkways and walls with shops embedded in them. There was a pianist playing on what was a beautiful stage disguised as a hole in the wall. “Kawai” was plaqued next to his podium and I guessed the brand of the piano and at the time I thought nothing of it besides how beautiful the music sounded. People stopped and we shared feelings and some even recorded him. I rounded the corner in a rush to find the nearest restroom and I noticed a really elderly Japanese woman with a cane, and a woman which appeared to be her daughter. She was walking very slowly but had a very healthy and happy expression. If I had to guess she was 100 or really close, It made me think of my grandmothers and how they are both 94 this year and how healthy they are for their age. It warmed my heart to witness their interaction.

As i left the station the feeling of clean air in the deep purple sky came over me, the last minutes of light before darkness. The nighttime was noticeably different coming from the biggest city in the world, to the biggest city in a more rural prefecture. I pressed on to find my hotel with my heavy backpacks. For the first time since leaving America, I noticed a group of foreigners in the lobby of my hotel, and immediately fell into my introverted shell. “Maybe they wont think im here for training too” since I was wearing a mask and have been mistaken for being native countless times. My bags were under a net off to the side, which had bells as a security measure if anyone tried to get to them. In my struggles of checking in using Japanese, and attempting to grab my bags without permission, I don’t think I came off anything less than Gaijin to them. It was extremely embarrassing.

The rest of training felt less stressful everyday. I met people naturally from all over the world. I’ve never been in a group of people so culturally mixed. I felt the strange feeling that I am actually representing America for once, and that was so weird. I’ve come to learn the perception of Americans is so different than who I actually am. Most people only know Trump or famous actors and musicians so generally I feel so welcome to people thinking I would be as boisterous as the president. But I have met a few people like that here.

The morning of, I had no idea what to expect besides the serious covid measures set in place. It was the first time everyone had to wear masks, and I think that really helped me feel more comfortable. There were about 40-50 new teachers. We were put into groups of 4-5 trainees based on region and were assigned a facilitator that would coordinate group demos, luckily we didn’t have to do anything in front of the entire group if we didn't want to. The day was broken up with multiple lectures on how to instruct, practicing what we learned and feedback. The first 2 days was ES and the last 3 were JHS and living in Japan preparation. I took so many notes it felt like I was back in biology class in college, it felt weird since some people didn’t take any. I just like being as prepared as possible I suppose.

I was SO unprepared the first day of training. Naturally I was very shy and soft spoken. I am not someone who can improvise and feel comfortable in any situation but honestly its the best way I learn, being thrown in with the sharks. The improvement I made throughout the week was drastic and my facilitator told me I really reminded him of when he first started teaching in Japan 10 years ago, and that the kids would love me. That really gave me the confidence I needed to feel at the time. I still had no idea what to expect.

In between training days consisted of resting in the hotel room, studying Japanese and exploring the city. I learned Hamamatsu is the city of music in Japan and its where Yamaha music, Suzuki and Honda motorcycle companies were founded. It’s also famous for unagi which was way to expensive for me to try. At night on the main street there were many guys standing outside the restaurants they worked trying to get us in but when they realized we can’t speak well we were left alone for the most part but they were a bit more pushy. I really like the city vibes in Hamamatsu but its no where near as massive as Tokyo. A much less crowded city felt so different than what I was use to, yet everyone emanated a very friendly vibe much different than in Tokyo.

Friday came and gone and we were left to enjoy the weekend with very lenient corona precautions. Most teachers went out drinking but I decided to stay in for the night as I was so mentally exhausted from the week. I ended up flipping through the channels around 8pm in my hotel bed and Kiki’s delivery service was playing. I watched it in Japanese for the first time without subs and my childhood self was so happy. My week couldn't have ended any better.

The next day we had a health check and we were told to meet at the station at specific times. I didn’t see the time sheet they posted the day before but luckily my friend snapped a picture of it. Apparently during his checkup an hour before mine, his group was approached by a man with a clipboard and he was trying to get them to sign up for a group and get their personal info, one of them said it was very sketchy sounding. I felt fortunate to not have anyone with that description approach my group. Since it’s a pretty big station, I’ve heard many people wait around to approach a touristy/foreign person and try to sell you something or what not. All the people I’ve talked to were really friendly and nice to me. I can’t help but feel I avoided most of those weird interactions due to my appearance. Phew.

The next day was the last day before all the trainees disburse throughout the Kansai/Chubu region. I dreaded the thought of catching an early train to meet the person to help me with my apartment setup at 10am. Luckily it was only an hour by shinkansen (and it was paid for by the company), so I went down to the lobby, shipped my bags with Yamato (their luggage delivery service is amazing), and met one of my closest friends so far in Japan. He’s from the UK and I’ve never talked to him during training but somehow he ended up in the group in front of me, even though he is living in the same town as everyone but 1 person in my 4 person group. We bonded over cultural differences and experiences the entire train ride. I kept thinking before moving here I only had 1 friend from the UK before, and how there is so much to learn from everyone I am closest to here.

We were rushed off the train in east Shizuoka and parted as we were meeting at opposite sections of the station. I arrived 20 minutes early to drop off my pocket WiFi rental at the nearest post office.

It was rainy with a fresh scent away from the city, it felt like home but without the petrichor of the forest.