No matter you are gay, lesbian, bisexual, pansexual, queer, asexual, or other LGBT+, we are pride.

This is from my main channel.

Love

Dear Love, I have yet to romantically experience you, but i already know that you are a cruel and blinding thing. Of course, i have platonically loved and felt for others. But thats OK. Books, movies, television shows and music have tough me more than enough things about romantic love. Some of those things are: they don’t always last forever. They aren’t always felt by both parties. They can leave you feeling a unbearable amount of pain, that you didn’t even know existed. But, everything is more bearable than the last. In my favourite book and movie, you were given then snatched away so brutally that you left readers in tears. In the beginning, you were this beautiful ad complicated thing that brought a smile to your lips. In the middle, you were even more beautiful, spontaneous and envying. In the end, i was lie it had all ended. You were deliciously depressing and wonderful. People hated, yet loved you with everything they had and more. Because, despite them wanting you to stop your cruelty, you were so spontaneous- that people couldn’t help but want you desperately and beg the Gods to never allow you to happen to them, all at the same time. You yourself are one of the biggest assholes and cute things in the entire universe. No one can make up their minds on whether or not hey hate you with a burning passion or love you with a burning passion. I do not believe in true love. The theory of true love seems to be much to good for the world that we live in- a depressing and promise breaking world. The theory of there being one person -whether male or woman- seems lie something that would happen only in books and movies, and even then they are far from perfect. Do not believe that just because i have never experienced romantic love- and aren’t even sure if i want to- that i have little to no knowledge on love-whether it being platonic or not. You are a cruel and gorgeous thing all wrapped up in one. Goodbye for now, ME

GOD and GRANDMA

Dear persons hat is currently reading this, -If you have read my previous letters, you would know that i am a closeted (when it comes to my family) bisexual female teenager. You would also know that my grandmother believes that same-sex relationships and any sexuality that doesn’t involve a woman and a man being romantically attracted or involved, is wrong and sinful. But that’s what i do not understand. I believe in God but I’m not very religious. I believe that God made everyone the way that they are for a specific reason and that he wouldn’t hate nor want to “fix” any of his creations for their sexual orientations. My grandmother is traditional and simple minded. She doesn’t understand how someone could possibly be happy if they are a man dating a man or a woman man dating a woman. She thinks that men should only be romantically attracted or involved with a woman and vice versa. She also believes that everyone should be true to themselves and not change because someone else believes who they are are wrong. She is very much a hypocrite because of this. All of my life, she has told me that i should be who i wanted to be and not let anyone change me because they don’t like who I am. And i am grateful for that. But, she also told me that any sort of same-sex relationship is wrong. That if a woman wants to be a man and dresses and/or acts like a man, its wrong and that God doesn’t like that. Or if a man wants to be a woman and dresses and/or acts like a woman, that thats wrong and that God doesn’t like that either. I didn’t like this because it confused me. There was this one time when i was playing in the playground in the fifth grade and boy was walking by and he was wearing bright red lip stick and holding hands with another boy. Me being the curious little thing that i am walked up to him and asked him “Why are you wearing lipstick?” His response was “Because i feel pretty in it.” I remember once in kindergarten during story time when the teacher was reading Cinderella and she said to the girls “One day, you all will find your Prince Charming too.” And before we went to lunch i asked her “What if i want a Princess? Will I find my Princess?” She looked me straight in the eye for a good two minutes before she said anything. "Being a girl that wants a Princess is perfectly ok. Maybe, one day, you’ll find your princess charming.” That night i told my grandmother and mom at dinner and my grandmother said “well, God doesn’t want a girl to have a princess only a prince.” But my mom said “if you want a princess that ok.” They got into an argument that night. But that night i decided i shouldn't want a princess because apparently God doesn’t want that. I was young and naive then. Now i know being a girl that wants a princess is perfectly ok. I’m just figuring out a way to tell my mom or my grandma. Until next time, ME

I'm getting there

Well, so far six people know that I’m bisexual. My friends A.T, R.J, J.S, S.P, L.J and my teacher Ms.C. They were all okay with it. A.T even said he thinks he’s bisexual but isn’t sure yet. S.P was shocked but was, overall, perfectly ok with it. This is helping my confidence a lot. But, with A.A- my crush (who is a female)- I’m still confused. I caught her looking at me when I was walking back from getting lunch, but I think she was just looking at the vending machine or the sign on the wall. She’s also, now, dating M.M- a boy in nearly all of my classes. I find myself trying to figure out what’s so good about him, that she would want to date him. He’s about am 6/10, in my opinion. She’s an 11/10. I’ve never thought i was super hot or anything, but definitely not ugly. I have green/brown/grey eyes (they change colour) naturally tan skin, I’m about 5'9, i have great grades, I’m sarcastic but occasionally nice-if your nice to me. No one knows about my crush on her yet and I don’t know how to tell anyone. If someone was to come up to me and ask me what my sexuality was I would tell them that I’m bisexual. If someone did this while I was with my mom or grandma or anyone else in my family, I would say I’m straight. I was casually talking with my mother-who is about two and a half months pregnant- and she asked me what I would do if the baby ended up being gay, I answered with “I would be fine. I wouldn’t think of them any different” then she said “ya know, sometimes I would prefer if you were a lesbian because then I wouldn’t have to worry if you were going to get pregnant by some guy.” I asked her if she was serious but laughed so she wouldn’t get curious as to why I was so into the question. She said she was dead serious. The smile that was on my face didn’t falter all the way home and that night I slept with a smile on my face. The idea of telling her about my sexuality occurred but I was still to afraid. God, I wished A.A knew I existed. Well, actually, she must know I exist because her best friend is always unfortunately talking about me, my best friend is in her class, and I have had one conversation with her. But that was only when she said she liked my iPhone case, to which I responded with a thanks and then asked her if she knew where J.S was. The only reason I asked her this was because I didn’t want to accidentally blurt out that I thought she was super beautiful and that I like when I would no doubt ramble my head off.

Ill update anyone that does read this, in a few days maybe.

One of my many life mottos

Me

Dear person that has wondered here, I’m writing to you because i feel no one else will either care about what the hell i have to say and/or can relate to my- meaningless compared to everything else- problems, in the slightest. A confused teenager is what i am. Recently i have accepted the fact that i am bisexual. I denied this my entire life, by telling my self to look away from a female or that the tingly feeling I got in my stomach wasn’t really there. I’m trying to grow enough balls to tell my mother. She’s not against people that are romantically attracted to the same gender as themselves. Occasionally she even says that sometimes she wishes i was a lesbian because then the chances of me become a teen mom-like she was- are little to none. I laugh at this so she wont get suspicious. But, really in my head I’m asking myself if this is the time to tell her or if she already knows and is trying to hint it to me so I’ll finally tell her. Before i can finally make up my mind, the moment is already gone or shes taking about something else. My grandmother is very much against the whole ordeal of people liking the same or similar gender as themselves. We were strolling through Manhattan drinking coffee (my coffee addiction is very strong) when we saw these two women kissing and, not even ten feet away, there was two men kissing and I couldn’t stop staring at them in admiration. Admiring the fact that they’re who they want to be. That there with the person they want to be with. When i looked up at my grandmother her face was conjured in disgust and she told me that we were going to walk the other way so we wouldn’t have to encounter those "disgusting people". This, my friend, is what stopped all ideas of telling my grandmother about my sexuality. If im being honest, im afraid that if i tell her she’ll tell me that I’m lying or to never speak to her again because she doesn’t speak to THOSE kinds of people. I’m afraid of rejection. I have told some people. Ive told three of my best friends (my mother not being one of the best friends i have told), one of my English teachers, the new girl, that my group of friends have befriended and were now like best friends, a random kid that was in my English class that overheard me talking about it with one of my English teachers. I wonder what it would be like if I wasn’t so much of a fucking coward and told my mother, grandmother, great-grandparent, and other random people i encounter. Would i be happier, more depressed and anti-social. I’m not someone you would notice or your eyes would be immediately drawn to. I’m the girl that you only notice because of the loud people that was unfortunately standing near her. Even then you would only notice me for a few seconds before you decide to occupy your eyes with something more interesting. It not that I’m hideous or anything. I think I’m more ordinary or normal looking; not horrendous looking but not beautiful. Life is really fucked up and judgmental. This is also another reason as to why I’m not running down the street yelling “I love women and men. Yay ME” another reason is that i despise any form of physical activity. For now, The fucked up and confused little ME * P.S: please don’t try to figure out who i am. I do not want that. That would only make my life more fucked up and hard because then there would someone out there that knows about all of the little secrets I’m much too ball-less (partly because I’m a female) to share with the world.