Dating Apps: Swiping Insanity Before the Fun

Hey Maybe Nots and Maybe Yeses! Welcome back to the wild world of online dating, where the journey to finding "the one" is often a hilarious, frustrating, and sometimes disconcerting adventure. 

Today, we're taking a break from date mishaps and diving headfirst into the messy jungle of online profiles before the actual dates even happen.

Let's be honest, dating apps are like catalogues – a never-ending parade of faces and bios with a healthy dose of "buyer beware." 

You craft your profile – a carefully curated selection of your best angles (the ones with your best features and that make you look flawless even though we all know that we're hiding that wrinkle or piece of fat that insists on popping up on our clothes no matter what) and hobbies. Some apps will also have fancy personality tests (a definite plus in my book!), and bam! You're ready to unleash yourself on the dating pool... or should I say, the dating swamp?

Because let me tell you, you'll find everything and anything in this virtual melange. Exes from your high school days resurfacing with questionable selfies? Check. Married people testing the waters? Definitely check. Then there are the profile ghosts – those elusive beings with zero photos or bios relying solely on the power of… faith? Look, I get it. Married folks might not want their significant others to stumble upon their profiles (maybe avoid being there all together and set things straight at home). But seriously, how do all the others expect to attract matches based solely on blind trust in the online dating gods?

Alright, let's move on to the profile pic enthusiasts (the ones who actually include pictures of themselves, bless their hearts!). Girls, we're notorious for mastering the art of the flattering filters (not that I used them, because I actually avoid filters!). But guys? It's a different story. Sometimes, it feels like they take selfies with a potato in dim lighting. Pro tip, fellas: take some time, experiment with angles, and trust me, the natural look is always a win. Nobody's perfect, but let's aim for "approachable" rather than "make-me-run-screaming."

So, you've swiped right (or left, depending on your fancy), and the magical match appears. Now comes the real gamble: who breaks the ice first? More often than not, the pressure lands on you, lovely ladies. And guess what? If you don't take the initiative, Mr. Match might ghost you faster than a free donut at a police station. Some other times the conversations fizzle out faster than a damp firework, leaving you wondering if you even sparked anything at all. But fear not, love warriors! Every now and then, a diamond in the rough emerges. Someone who can banter, hold a conversation that goes beyond basic small talk, and actually makes you laugh. Then comes the date-planning hurdle – aligning schedules, finding the perfect spot… it's like trying to herd a bunch of cats (have you tried doing that? Yeah.). When the stars finally align and you get to meet, a lot can happen (I mean, have you read my past blog entries?). 

Speaking of possibilities and complications, a potential new connection is simmering on the back burner, with an added twist – a different country is involved! Will this lead to a hilarious first date mishap or a blossoming romance across borders? Stay tuned in a week or two to find out!

So, onto those burning questions: would you swipe right for a profile with no picture or generic scenery shots? And if your date doesn't quite live up to their profile's expectations (photos or personality), would you give them a chance or call it quits on the spot? 

Let's hear it in the comments, friends! Spill the tea on your dating app adventures, mishaps, and maybe-nots-turned-maybe-yeses! Until next time, keep swiping, keep hoping, and may the odds be ever in your favour!

Photo by Nik on Unsplash

Coffee Break with a Cute Camo Guy...Then Crickets

Hey Maybe Nots and Maybe Yeses! Buckle up for another installment in the thrilling (and sometimes confusing) world of dating app roulette. 

Today's episode involves a military guy, a late-night rendezvous, and a disappearing act worthy of a ninja master (again, because apparently vanishing acts are a recurring theme in my dating life).

We all know the drill: swipe left, swipe right, pray for a match that isn't a catfish or a profile with all the personality of a wet sock. It's a roller-coaster, let me tell you. The gorgeous specimens with bios shorter than a haiku (do you think they’re too good to be true? They usually are). The verified hotties who vanish faster than snow in the summer sun (because they never reply to messages). The pretty decent profiles with interesting details that fizzle out in a flurry of awkward messages (because apparently, conversation skills are a rare commodity these days). And of course, the ones you just skip because, well, self-respect is a thing.

But then, there are the rare diamonds in the rough. Like this military fella – decent looking (by my discerning standards, of course), who actually replied to my message, and kept the conversation flowing like a well-oiled machine. The only snag (that wasn't his camouflage pants)? His schedule was about as predictable as a toddler on a sugar rush. Mine, with its late-night delights, wasn't exactly a walk in the park either.

So, picture this: a fine night (Dun dun DUNNNN!) at 2 AM (of course!), and there he is, gracing my workplace with his presence. We talked for a whole hour – no fireworks this time, let's just say public smooching at 2 AM isn't exactly the office dress code – but the conversation was surprisingly engaging. 

Afterwards, the messages kept flowing. My hopes for a second date were definitely piqued. But then, our text exchange, once lively, began to fade like a dying campfire, like a forgotten bag of chips at the back of the pantry. Poof! Silence. Crickets. Tumbleweeds. The usual.

Finally, I gathered my courage and (gasp!) initiated a conversation - the last one, or so I said. Shocking, I know. Apparently, he was surprised it was the "last message." Busy at work, he claimed, with no time for his phone (interestingly, the same app where he religiously viewed my stories suddenly offered zero connection for basic messaging. Maybe they have a special "stalk-but-don't-talk" feature?). So, I did what any self-respecting Maybe Not would do – I stopped wasting my energy and time.

One more soldier down in the battle of dating. But hey, chin up, love warriors! There are plenty more swipes in the sea, land and skies, and who knows, maybe next time I'll find a guy who understands the concept of both communication and basic human connection. Until then, let's keep the faith (and the sarcasm flowing)!

Stay tuned for more dating adventures (hopefully not haunted by ghosts), and feel free to share your own "Maybe Not" moments in the comments!

Kiss Me Quick, Ditch Me Faster: The 3 AM Adventure

Greetings, Maybe Nots and Maybe Yeses! Buckle up for a tale that starts with a smoking hot flight attendant and ends with a case of the disappearing acts that would make Houdini blush.

So, you know the drill – online dating, the thrill of the swipe right, the messages that set your phone on fire (literally or figuratively, 😜). This guy seemed like a dream come true: tall, dark, and handsome (those pictures looked like they were sculpted by the gods themselves. Seriously, the man was a walking masterpiece), divorced with a daughter, and living nearby. The catch? My crazy work schedule.

My "day off" coincided with his vacation, but alas, it was four whole days away. Now, I confess, the messaging banter was hotter than a habanero pepper, and patience isn't exactly my strong suit. So, in a moment of supreme (and possibly slightly sleep-deprived) brilliance, I suggested we meet... at the train station... before I went to work. At 3 PM.

Predictably, my date couldn't swing that time (shocker, I know). But hey, he could meet me at the station... after I finished my shift. Which, for those keeping track at home, ended at the ungodly hour of 3 AM.

Yeah, you read that right. Because clearly, that screams "normal first date" like glitter screams "subtlety."

Now, picture this: me, pulling into a deserted parking lot at 3:33 AM, looking more like a character from a zombie apocalypse movie than a potential love interest. But guess what? He showed up! And wouldn't you know it, we actually ended up talking for an hour and a half. Turns out, we had a surprising amount in common (honestly, the universe has a weird sense of humour).

The conversation flowed like cheap wine (which, ironically, wasn't an option at that ridiculous hour). We clicked, we laughed, and then... the kiss. Let me tell you, this guy could have given Casanova a run for his money. It was the kind of kiss that would make fireworks jealous.

Of course, things got a little heated (pun intended!), but a girl's gotta have some standards, right? Besides, a second (or third) date seemed way more appropriate for that kind of action.

We said goodbye, sparks still flying, and the date for later that week was still on. Monday couldn't come fast enough! Except... it did. And guess what didn't? My date. No call, no text, no carrier pigeon delivering a cryptic love note. Crickets. Absolute radio silence.

Finally, at 9:45 PM, a text. A lame excuse that wouldn't fool a five-year-old. Look, I get it, life happens. But a little communication goes a long way, people! After a less-than-stellar attempt at conversation (read: him pushing the "sex on the second date" agenda), I politely deleted his texts and his number.

So, the burning question remains: is this all that men want these days? No romance, no commitment, just a quick hookup? Maybe someday we'll have an answer. But one thing's for sure – this little Miss Maybe Not is still looking for a Maybe Yes who understands the power of a good conversation, the value of respect, and the fact that first dates shouldn't involve deserted parking lots at 3:30 AM.

Stay tuned for more dating adventures (hopefully less creepy and more chivalrous!), and feel free to share your own "Maybe Not" moments in the comments!

Until next time, keep swiping, keep hoping, and most importantly, keep laughing.

Welcome to the Maybe Not, But Maybe Yes Club!

Hey there, fellow adventurers in the sometimes-bumpy, often-hilarious, and eternally hopeful world of dating after 40!

This little corner of the internet is for all the "Maybe Nots" out there who've ever swiped left on Mr./Ms. Right (because their profile pic was a landscape... seriously?), or whose idea of a perfect Friday night involves Netflix, takeout, and the judgmental side-eye of their cat (because who needs bad dates when you have the purrfect company?).

We'll be diving headfirst into the world of dating fails (because let's face it, they're practically an art form at this point), narrating the occasional misfortune that seems to follow us like a lovesick puppy (seriously, Universe, give it a rest!), and exploring the mystical forces (or maybe it's just bad luck? Jury's still out) that seem determined to keep us single.

But hey, amidst the dating disasters and cosmic curveballs, there'll be adventures (because who says being single means being boring?), hope (because a girl can dream, right?), and maybe even a splash of our favourite beverage (because sometimes, a cocktail is the best date you can have).

So, grab a seat, pull up your comfiest sweats (or your most fabulous outfit, no judgement here!), and join me on this weekly journey through the wild world of "Maybe Not, But Maybe Yes." It's bound to be a laugh (or a cry, whatever we want / need, because we’re free!), and who knows, maybe, just maybe, we'll all find our happily ever after along the way.

See you next week!

P.S. Feel free to share your own dating disasters, love mishaps, or hopeful stories in the comments!

Image by catalyststuff on Freepik