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mindlessbabble · 9 months
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I sit in this library an imposter
Too southern to be a northerner
Too northern to be a southerner
Too feminine to be a man
Too masculine to be a woman
Too Mexican to be American
Too American to be Mexican
Too anxious to make sense of it all
Too tired to make sense of it all
An imposter, sitting in a library, doing flash cards and practice questions until they are free
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mindlessbabble · 1 year
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FNU
I’d ask my intern if there was anything she wanted me to check during my pre-round visit. My intern usually shrugged; what else could we do besides wait?
FNU used to work for Motorola as an electrical engineer.
Every morning in my pre-rounds, FNU and I would go through the same routine: I would say good morning. If she was asleep, she would not respond. If she was awake, she would writhe and intermittently scream. I’d listen to her lungs between her screams. I’d check for edema in the pauses between her writhes. We needed to make sure her fluid maintenance was not fluid overload. I once heard a crackle.
FNU had been encephalopathic for ten straight days since admission to the wards.
FNU was forced into early retirement after a company merger. She decided to become a nurse and volunteer firefighter.
FNU drove from North Carolina to Oklahoma for a tribal celebration and to visit family. She did not feel well at the start of her drive. She visited an emergency room in North Carolina and was treated for a UTI. She visited two more emergency department for the same UTI before becoming confused in ours.
She began volunteering with the American Red Cross. She wanted to help where help was needed most.
We could not do a lumbar puncture because of agitation. She was sedated, and her first set of CSF studies ruled out anything we could treat. We consulted neuro. We consulted ID. We threw the book at her and waited for any change.
Her identity as a Native American woman was important to her. She spent time visiting family along the Arizona-Mexico border. The Mexicans would call her “Indio.”
We started to withdraw irrelevant antibiotics as new CSF studies returned benign. ID wanted a second LP – but for what? How would it change treatment? If LaCrosse was positive, how would it change her current treatment?
FNU had been encephalopathic for twelve straight days since admission to the wards.
She turned to her nurse and asked for a glass of water on day 13.
On day 15, I squatted down next to her bed. She told me she worked for Motorola as an electrical engineer. Until a company merger forced her into early retirement. She wanted to do more. She wanted to help people. She started working as a nurse and as a volunteer firefighter. She started volunteering for the American Red Cross. She started travelling to natural disaster sites to help with relief. She wanted to help people where people needed help. We talked about engineering – and my classmates that majored in engineering. She asked me why I wanted to go into medicine. I told her that medicine was a combination of science and altruism. She liked that answer.
She told me that I looked “a little Native.” I told her that I’m Mexican-American. She told me about her visits to Arizona to see family. She told me that she would cross the border to shop in Mexico. She told me that the local Mexicans would call her “Indio”. She told me about the tribal celebration in Oklahoma. She started to talk about her home in North Carolina. On top of a hill – a small mountain.
She didn’t notice any bug bites before she left for Oklahoma. She tried to visit a friend with COVID, but her friend didn’t let her into the house. She started feeling unwell a few days before she was set to leave, but she couldn’t cancel. She needed to bring a ceremonial rifle. Her identity as a Native American woman was important to her. She visited an Indian Health Services emergency department. She was given antibiotics, and she started her drive.
She turned to me on day 15 and told me she wanted to go home.
She was discharged on day 18.
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