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midnightponderingsblog Ā· 1 month
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What we once were. Part 4.
(This part contains graphic language and sexual themes, if you are a minor or are uncomfortable with this please skip this part!) šŸ’•
Remus took Siriusā€™ hand in his own, and guided him to the sitting room, using his want Remus lit the log burner in the corner and closed the curtains. The room illuminated in a warm golden glow created by the fire.
Slowly, Remus ran his hands up the side of Siriusā€™ torso. ā€œMerlin Iā€™ve missed this Padfoot,ā€ he softly stated, hands resting on Siriusā€™ lower back. Sirius took this time to thread his hands through Remusā€™ hair, the soft curls threading between his fingers.
The menā€™s red lips met once again, more urgent this time, as though life itself depended upon this kiss, this connection. Sirius ran his hands to Remusā€™ behind, gripping and squeezing the two mounds. Remus moaned into his wet mouth before kissing down Siriusā€™ neck. Wet open mouthed kisses down his neck, tasting the pale white skin before slowly hooking his hands under Siriusā€™ jumper and pulling it over his head, breaking the two apart for a brief moment before mouths met once again.
Sirius guided Remus to the brown leather sofa, before straddling Remusā€™ hips as they were both sat in the soft seat. Remus took this moment to run his hands over Siriusā€™ torso, Sirius looked down at his body and stated ā€œIā€™m notā€¦please donā€™t look Remmy, Iā€™mā€¦ā€ ā€œbloody beautifulā€ Remus muttered, finishing Siriusā€™ sentence for him. Remus looked in awe that the many new tattoos adorning Siriusā€™ body, a dragon on his left hip, rune symbols on his chest amongst many others. Remus licked and tasted each one before finally setting on Siriusā€™ pierced nipples, sucking the pink mound into his mouth.
He did not mention the weight his Pads had lost or the new tattoos that had been carefully done, in this moment he was home and that was all that mattered.
Sirius removed Remusā€™ shirt and jumper, tossing the garments haphazardly across the room. The fire created a soft golden glow across the taller manā€™s body. Freckles crossed Remusā€™ shoulders and chest, sparse auburn hair ran from his chest to his stomach and disappeared below his trouser line.
Remusā€™ body was littered with many white scars, slashed and torn carelessly across his torso and arms. The silver skin was a stark contrast to the golden hue created by the firelight. What surprised Sirius, was the new muscle across Remusā€™ chest and arms. Sirius ran his hands over Remusā€™ chest feeling the muscles twang and flex as he did so, his cock throbbed with interest.
Lips met once again, both men touch starved from the years of separation. Eventually, trousers and underwear were removed leaving the pair bare. Nothing separated them, their bodies had changed in the vast time apart but felt familiar despite this.
Sirius kissed down Remusā€™ chest, kneeling on the red rug before the sofa, face level with Remusā€™ penis. Remusā€™ foreskin had rolled back, leaving the red pulsing head begging to be touched, sucked, licked. A small bead of pre-cum glistened at the top, Sirius leaned forward to lick the tip of his cock before taking it into his mouth.
Remus moaned at the sudden warmth around his member, watching Sirius move to give him a wet blowjob, his tongue completing circular motions around the head before swallowing the cock whole once again. Sirius gagged when he accidentally took him too deep, eventually Remus began panting ā€œPads, Pads move Iā€™m gonnaā€¦ Pads!ā€ He groaned, Sirius took him deeper swallowing the white cum before wiping his mouth and coming up to eye level, his own cock bobbling obscenely as he climbed up to the sofa.
Remus took Siriusā€™ circumcised penis in hand, wetting the skin with his saliva and pleasured him in careful strokes, stroking him back and forth. Siriusā€™ toes curled, his head arched back as soft panting sounds came from his lips, with a sigh he came across Remusā€™ hand. White cum covering his groin and Rems hand. Grabbing his shirt, Remus wiped away the mess from Sirius gently before cleaning himself and tucking them both in with a red knitted blanket.
As Remus rested his head against Siriusā€™ shoulder, small smile on his lips, Sirius reached for Remusā€™ wand and cast ā€˜Accioā€™ for two hot chocolates.
Two mismatched mugs of the warm, chocolaty liquid slowly glided into the room, cream and marshmallows resting at the top. He took both mugs passing his Rem one before resting back into the sofa cushions once again.
Both men spent, safe and warm in the front sitting room of the cottage, listening to the rain patter on the window and the fire crackle.
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midnightponderingsblog Ā· 1 month
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What we once were. Part 3.
Remus strode on head away from the cottage and Sirius initially feared that he had asked the wrong question.
Sirius hesitated before following Remus towards the first hill, his hands turning pink in the cold air.
Finally, they arrived at a set of rocks at the top of the hill. The views stretching over the Welsh scenery, an array of greens, browns and blues stretching as far as the eye could see. Remus was sat on the flat rock and patted to his left, encouraging Sirius to take a seat next to him.
The pair continued to take in the view, cold wind chilling their noses, turning cheeks pink; hair flying wildly around the pair. Sirius couldnā€™t help but stare in awe at the view, he had not had a peaceful moment such as this in a long time. He was content.
Finally, Remus began to talk. ā€œPads, it was for the best really it was. Iā€¦ermā€¦I used chains to contain the wolf. I chain myself to the wall in the cellar of the cottage. Please donā€™t, donā€™t tell me I was wrong to do this, I have to keep people safe Pads, safe from the wolf.ā€ Remus slowly lifted the cuffs of his shirt and jumper. White scars circled his thin wrists, slowly he lowered his sleeves once more. ā€œThe wolf wasnā€™t as keen on the plan,ā€ Remus muttered with disgust evident on his face.
Bile rose into Siriusā€™ mouth, imagining his Moony chained to the cold wall of a cellar, the wolf pulling on the restraints until wrists turned red raw. He should have been there in his animagus form to help, to protect Moony on the full moon.
ā€œYou arenā€™t doing that again Rem, you arenā€™t alone anymore, we can do this togetherā€ Sirius stated, placing his hand over Remusā€™ in a comforting gesture.
Taking Siriusā€™ hand into his own, Remus squeezed it back as a form of thanks. ā€œIā€™ve missed you Padsā€¦I was so angry at youā€¦butā€¦I never stopped missing you. But you didnā€™t do it, I believed the courts who said you did, and I shouldnā€™t have you didnā€™t do it.ā€ Remus bowed his head, a single tear falling from his golden eyes.
Sirius reached up, wiping away the tear from Remusā€™ freckled face. ā€œIā€™d have believed it too, James and Lily were gone, Peter was gone,ā€ I donā€™t blame you for believing it Rem, never think I blame you.ā€
Slowly, Sirius began to clean in towards Remus. Their lips met, it was a light, brief kiss but it set every fibre of Siriusā€™ body alight. Home. I am home he thought to himself.
The pair pulled away, foreheads resting on one another, hands intertwined. Remus was smiling, his auburn-brown curls flying around his face. In that moment, Sirius was struck at his beauty, he carefully lifted his left hand tracing his fingertip across the silver scar across Remusā€™ nose, an act he did all those years ago back in Hogwarts. Remus bent to give the hand a quick kiss before Sirius cupped his face bringing their lips together once more. ā€œMerlinā€™s beard Iā€™ve missed this,ā€ Remus murmured.
The pair sat for a short while stealing brief touches enjoying each others company. Eventually Sirius stood, taking Remusā€™ hand in his own, and the pair walked back to the cottage before the sun went down.
Hand in hand, the pair entered the cottage, the door quickly shut and locked behind them. Both men removed their coats and boots, placing them neatly by the door. The pair stood facing one another at the bottom of the stairs ā€œsoā€¦ā€ Sirius began raising one eyebrow with his classic charming smirk, ā€œwhat do we do now?ā€
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midnightponderingsblog Ā· 1 month
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Masterlist
Wolfstar
What we once were
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midnightponderingsblog Ā· 1 month
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What we once were. Part 2
Sirius walked downstairs towards the glowing light coming from the front sitting room. Inside, Sirius was hit with the warmth of the room created by the small log burner nestled in the left corner.
In the worn arm chair, sat Remus cross legged reading a novel Padfoot did not recognise. On the small side table sat a scrunched up chocolate frog packet, the chocolate long since devoured. Looking up timidly from his book, blushing a deep rosy hue Remus stated ā€œsorry Pads, I was going to share half, really I wasā€¦Iā€™m not sure what happened.ā€
The comfort of the cluttered sitting room, the surroundings so typically Rem it hurt, and the events prior to this night Sirius was overcome with a deep sense of grief. Grief for time lost and moments he himself would never be able to experience. Tears welled, threatening to spill onto his cheeks before large sobs overtook his frame. Two strong arms wrapped themselves around his frame, cradling the raven-haired man and whispering sweet nothings as tears continued to spill over his cheeks.
Carefully, Remus guided Sirius onto the soft, brown leather sofa of the room before wrapping a red knitted blanket around the man and holding him once again. Before long, dawn began to rise and both men fell into a deep slumber surrounded by the warmth of the fire and the security of each others arms.
At 11:30am Remus awoke with a start. Glancing to the spot Sirius had sat in only a few hours earlier he confirmed his absence. With purpose, Remus walked to the kitchen only to be filled with a sense of panic when he realised Sirius was not there. ā€œNot again, please not again, no no no ā€¦ā€ he muttered to himself as he ran up the stairs. Once at the top step Remus could hear the shower running and mortified by his own sudden burst of emotions, he decided to go back downstairs to prepare breakfast.
Coffee using the modern filter Molly had gifted him only last Christmas, neatly sliced bread toasting on the grill, scrambled eggs in the pan with herbs from his windowsill to season. As Remus used his wand to send forks, knives, plates and mugs onto the table Sirius appeared wearing the same pyjamas as the previous night and a large toothy smile. Remus made a mental note to find him some suitable clothes to wear in the day.
ā€œThis smells heavenly Remmy, you always did know that the way to my heart was through my stomachā€ Sirius exclaimed, taking a seat in the chair throwing a quick smirk in Remusā€™ direction.
ā€œHave you always been thus much of a prat Pads, or has the lack of human interaction for the last decade led you to have zero social skill?ā€
Late morning turned to early afternoon, the men continued to discuss news, important events that Sirius had missed during his time in Azkaban and continued to surround themselves with fond memories. Neither man discussed Siriusā€™ tears, for which he was relieved. His Rem always knew where the social boundary was and more importantly, how not to cross that invisible line-something he himself had always struggled with.
Eventually, Remus stood up and flicked his wand once more to clear away the mess created by breakfast. Once the kitchen was in order, he walked upstairs and grabbed some worn jeans, a forest green jumper and underwear for Sirius before disappearing in the bathroom to freshen up for the day.
Sirius quickly changed into the clothes in the sitting room. The soft wool felt heavenly against his skin, in these moments alone he took the time to smell the wool breathing in a scent that was purely Remus, is made his heart ache to hold the freckled man again but he knew he no longer had the right to ask for such a thing.
Slowly, he looked around the room taking in the bookshelves crammed with both fiction and non-fiction texts alike, muggle and wizarding literature. He surveyed the photographs on the pinboard not recognising half the individual who occupied them. Finally, he turned back to the sitting room door as Remus approached, black leather jacket in hand.
ā€œDo you remember this?ā€ Remus quizzed looking at the garment in in left hand.
ā€œOf course I bloody do,ā€ Sirius grinned back before taking the jacket and pulling it on, ā€œIā€™ve been in Azkaban Moony, not had my memory wiped!ā€
Remus looked down once again, an emotion Sirius could not quite place was plastered across his face. ā€œI couldnā€™t part with it, everyone said you were guilty but I couldnā€™t part with it, it was yourā€¦ā€ Remus trailed off before looking up quickly and announcing ā€œright, now you have a jacket, letā€™s shove a glamour charm on you and get some fresh air.ā€ Startled by the sudden change in topic, Sirius decided to follow along.
Remus pulled his large coat with the elbow patches and shoes on, before throwing Sirius some boots ā€œthey are a size too big, but should do for now if you tie them up tight.ā€
Sirius grinned back, was ready in no time, finally Remus cast the glamour charm on him to make him unrecognisable to anyone they come across. No matter how unlikely that was in the empty hills surrounding Remusā€™ cottage.
Once out the door, Sirius asked Remus the question that had been burning on his mind for over a decade, ā€œRem, what have you been doing for the full moon?ā€
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midnightponderingsblog Ā· 1 month
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What we once were. Part 1.
(Set after the Prisoner of Azkaban)
After Buckbeak landed deep in the forbidden forest, Sirius dismounted the magnificent creature, approached his hiding spot, and waited for Remus to appear. To take him home.
Remus told him via owl to wait in their hidden spot, a hidden cave tucked deep inside the forbidden forest. A place they had frequented then they initially beganā€¦whatever their relationship had been back then. A relationship full of secret touches, stolen kisses and midnight visits.
He waited anxiously for Remus to come, night turned to day, and then to night again. Just when he began to fear Remus would not come, there it was, the crack in the night air to announce Remusā€™ arrival through apparition. Their reunion was brief, Remus scanning his face searching for something, he must have found what he was looking for as he confidently stated ā€œcome on Pads, letā€™s take you somewhere safe.ā€
He tentatively took Siriusā€™ hand, and with a crack, both men stood outside a small cottage nestled in a rolling set of green hills. The smell of grass and something distinctly earthy rolled over the pair, the wind creating a sharp chill in the evening air and the sound of long blades of grass rustling due to the weather surrounded the men. Remus pulled his cloak tighter around himself and quickly glanced at Sirius, concern evident on his face due to the temperature and him being dressed in tattered prison robes.
Remus opened the door of the cottage and both stepped into a small hallway, immediately Remus flicked his wrist, using his wand to alight the candles in the hallway.
To the right of them, a small front sitting room in brown and red hues, the walls covered in bookcases. A small brown sofa along the far wall, with a maroon armchair to the left of the door. On the wall on the right, a small window with old brown curtains and a pinboard adorned with photographs.
To the left of the hallway a small staircase led upstairs, Remus hung his old cloak over the end of the stair banister.
Remus led Sirius to the end of the corridor, into the small yellow kitchen. White cupboards that needed a fresh lick of paint ran to the left and straight from the kitchen door. Plants littered the windowsill, upon closer inspection Sirius realised they must be used for cooking? Basil, Thyme, Mint and many others where the neat, handwritten labels had worn off through watering and repotting. A pair of pink scissors sat in a small metal pot at the end of the windowsill, he remembered buying them for Remus over a decade ago, he thinks?
ā€œTea?ā€ Questioned Remus.
With alarm, Sirius turned to face Remus, surprised at the question that had pulled him out of his thoughts. Memories of happier times he had so carefully shoved deep down suddenly were at risk of bubbling to the surface.
ā€œOf course, I havenā€™t changed that much Moonsā€ Sirius retorted, anything to force a sense of normalcy between the two.
God he had missed his Moony. His beautiful, kind, compassionate and caring Moony.
Remus carefully set two steaming mugs of tea on two mats, on the blue wooden table in the centre of the kitchen. He waved his arm encouraging Sirius to sit next to him. Siriusā€™ stomach began to churn, he realised then that all he had eaten on the run were small mammals his animagus form had caught. And that was days ago.
ā€œSmall sips darling,ā€ Remus murmured, his hand on Siriusā€™ right arm. Remus turned a deep shade of red as he pulled his arm back in embarrassment.
The warm liquid rolled across his tongue, heating him from the inside out. Sirius took this time surveying his Moony, although 12 years older, he was as beautiful as ever. A constellation of freckles across his face, warm reddish-brown curls across his head and silver scars across his face and neck disappearing below his collar. New lines, new freckles, new scars, new signs of ageing. But the same old Moony, his warm and comforting Moony.
ā€œPads, you need to eat. I have chicken soup orā€¦ā€
ā€œSoup sounds amazing Moons, Merlins beard Iā€™d eat that plant on the windowsill if youā€™d let me!ā€ Sirius moaned.
As the soup bubbled away on the hob, Remus swayed his hips listening to a slow, classical song on the muggle radio and rain that was pattering on the rattling windows. ā€œEat Pads,ā€ Remus stated as he thrust a bowl of the steaming liquid in front of Sirius, before taking one for himself.
Once the soup had gone, and both men were fed and full Remus looked Sirius in the eye and sniffed. ā€œPads, you need a wash. The smell is repulsive!ā€ Sirius rolled his eyes aghast, ā€œRem you have always found me irresistible donā€™t deny itā€ before shooting Remus a wink.
Remus took his hand, guided him up the wooden creaking stairs and guided him into the bathroom upstairs opposite the top step. ā€œInā€ Remus stated before shooting him into the room and closing the door behind him.
Sirius turned on the shower, and stripped off his tattered, grotesque prison uniform. He shot himself a tentative glance in the mirror. Tattoos littering his body, matted black hair tumbling from his head and Merlinā€™s beard his physique. His arms thinner than ever before, his stomach concave inwards with ribs sticking out of the side. Collar bones pushing forcefully out of his skin and the muscle that once bulked his body out long wasted away.
Sirius stepped under the warm spray and watched years of grime disappear down the plug hole, the water ran black, then brown and finally, clear. The minty smell of his Moonyā€™s body wash surrounded him as he scrubbed until his skin felt raw. Uncapping the pineapple scented shampoo, he massaged the foam into his scalp. Finally, he stepped out of the shower, wrapping himself in a navy fluffy towel revelling in the comfort of the fabric. Remus must have slipped the door ajar as he was washing, a neat set of flannel pyjamas lay just inside the door, under the pile was the large knit jumper Sirius used to wear on the cold winter evenings up in the dorm tower.
The clean, warm fabric clung to his body providing well-needed comfort. It almost made Sirius want to cry, bile filled his mouth and his heart began to race. Sirius wiped his eyes and took a deep breath deciding to search for something to wash his mouth out, he found a new blue toothbrush under the sink and used Remusā€™ toothpaste, the mint assaulted his tastebuds, revelling in the cleanliness Sirius washed his teeth again before placing the toothbrush next to Remusā€™ in the pot.
Finally, he pulled on a pair of blue fluffy socks that he must have missed when changing and, with a deep breath, went to open the bathroom door.
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