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meloncholyidiotpoems · 2 months
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Oh but the thing is, now I do the leaving
I’ve grown so used to the dance, now I take the first step
My feet grow restless, homesick for a place that is nowhere and everywhere
For a hotel bed, for the open road
It’s a language I loathed to learn, but now speak fluently
Now I do the leaving and I do it on my own
my heart is still in a suitcase in the trunk of the car
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meloncholyidiotpoems · 4 months
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Opening up my window to gods wrath
An ice cold night
Maybe not everything is god
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meloncholyidiotpoems · 4 months
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If god is a man, then what am I created in the image of? If I too am like god, why are my hands so dirty? When did god sweep the floors?
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meloncholyidiotpoems · 4 months
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It’s like there’s a light trapped inside of me
Like someone turned on a spotlight
It’s trying to claw its way out of my chest
And I want to let it
I don’t remember happiness feeling like this
My head feels light and weightless
The world is not so big
And I’m airy and inconsequential and I float
And I don’t want to stop, but all the same
I don’t remember happiness feeling like this
Maybe it’s the blood, but there’s something in me
A pregnant radiance, an unyielding sort of glow
A fire that I know will burn me, but god is it so warm
I don’t remember happiness feeling like this
Although maybe it’s supposed to, maybe I just don’t know anymore
It’s been so very very long
Maybe I never even felt it to begin with
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meloncholyidiotpoems · 4 months
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And suddenly I’m 14 again
And I want to run away
And I want to run away
And I want to run away
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meloncholyidiotpoems · 4 months
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Everything is so bad
not bad in a the 8th grade way
But a new, fresh type of bad
Something scarily bearable
Something frighteningly familiar
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meloncholyidiotpoems · 4 months
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All world is a stage
Even your own room
Even when you’re alone
Who’s your audience now?
Who was it ever?
Was there ever even one?
you wear the mask like it’s your skin
Maybe, by now, it is
you don’t dare to check whats underneath
Not anymore
Not ever again
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meloncholyidiotpoems · 4 months
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I’m tired of being a sheep trapped in a den of wolves
When will I grow teeth?
When will I bite back?
This wolf skin can’t stay on forever
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meloncholyidiotpoems · 4 months
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I wonder what it’s like to kiss someone
My roommate says it’s fun
She’s kissed lots of boys
I’ve never kissed anyone
I wonder if I would like it too
Or if I would just be repulsed
Love has that effect sometimes
Just like when I don’t eat all day
The idea of food sounds revolting
Nauseating, even
I think it’s a little like that
When my friends hug me
I flinch a little
It scares me
To be reminded of my starvation
To know just how deprived I really am
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meloncholyidiotpoems · 4 months
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Im more of a ghost every day
Too quiet for my own good
Even when I’m not trying to be
Most of what I know how to do
Is sit quietly
I think I accidentally started becoming
something that haunts more then
something that lives
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meloncholyidiotpoems · 5 months
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There’s a decaying rabbit on the side of the road
On my walk to class
It’s head is gone and its front half is mostly bone
Its legs still are covered in fur
My roommate says she likes bones but not the decaying flesh
I will admit, I do not love it
But there is a certain beauty in the realness of death
Something that bones alone cannot convey
The rabbit’s head is not with the rest of its body
I wonder where it has ended up
Perhaps carried away by some bird
I wonder if it’s lonely
Would I be lonely, so separated from myself?
I wonder if she’s in a tree up high
Watching us as we walk down below
I wonder why I think about her so much
Maybe I feel a sense of sameness
Two small creatures left to rot
Ignored almost completely by the world around us
As if nothing had changed at all
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meloncholyidiotpoems · 5 months
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In my head you’re holding a sword
In my dreams you’re holding a knife
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meloncholyidiotpoems · 5 months
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I hold that little marble like it’s your soul
It’s so light so small
I still find postcards I meant to send you
I’m sorry I forgot
We always said one day we’d go to the White House together
I think we both knew we were lying
I hope we both hoped we weren’t
I cried the day you left Oregon
Pennsylvania seemed so far away
But we promised we’d see eachother again
You’re in a different state now
Still in Pennsylvania, in that ancient dirt
I wish I still had the shirt you gave me
It was my favorite one
But at least I still have that marble
My buried treasure
It’s so hard to hug something so small
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meloncholyidiotpoems · 5 months
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“What happened to my little girl?”
I fixed her I tempered her
This is what you wanted. Don’t you remember?
I strangled her for you
Please don’t romanticize those days
You never loved that little girl
No one did
That’s why she died
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meloncholyidiotpoems · 5 months
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In my dreams
Everything real becomes a blur
I keep dreaming that you’re gone
And I don’t know what to do with myself
All I can say is a promise
If you die, I’ll kill you
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meloncholyidiotpoems · 5 months
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God is loving
Then why doesn’t he love me?
Because you are broken
Why did he make me broken?
It’s not his fault you’re broken
Why did he allow me to break?
We can’t know his reasons
What can we know?
God is loving
How do we know?
He tells us
Why do we believe him?
He speaks to us
Why doesn’t he speak to me?
You aren’t listening
How do I listen?
You’ll know
How will I know?
He’ll tell you
How do you have faith?
I know
How do you know?
I have faith
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meloncholyidiotpoems · 5 months
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Jesus loves you, like a father
Did you forget what he did to his son?
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