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melancholydreamers · 26 days

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That Don't Impress Me Much - A Brittana Fic

Summary: The blonde dancer totally knew the effect she had on her. It was so easy to rile the dark-haired woman up and as she beckoned her closer with a finger, Santana kept gazing at her lips, making it so obvious what she wanted.

She leaned closer, knowing that Santana would feel her breathing against her neck and as she expected, there was a sharp, aroused intake of breath from the Latina.

She even closed her eyes, pursing her lips as if Brittany was going to kiss her.

As if.

“My name is no. My sign is no. My number is no. You need to let it go.”

Brittany is tired of being taken advantage of by selfish, egotistical jerks, so she makes a plan with her friend Tina that she can make some idiot fall for her and then ditch them after she has had her fun. Her plans backfire when she’s swept off her feet by arrogant yet surprisingly sweet celebrity Santana Lopez.

Rating: M

Read More on AO3

***This is a companion piece to my other Brittana AU fic, "My Name Is No (You Need To Let It Go),” which you can find here on tumblr or on AO3

Brittany had just about had enough of fuckboys and fuckgirls.

There she was, sitting alone in a crummy little diner, all by her lonesome on Saturday night, her date nowhere to be found. Being the only hot, young blonde in fishnets, heels so high she was close to God, and a skirt so short it was probably illegal while surrounded by desperate bikers and hicks who licked their lips as they leered at her should have made her feel like she was walking through the valley of the shadow of death. Or maybe she should have felt the way those fish in her dad’s aquarium felt that time Lord Tubbington took up scuba diving as his new hobby.

Instead, Brittany was unfazed. As she water-skied down the highway of life, she had seen it all.

That one old Dolly Parton song her mother and Grandma Rose from St. Olaf used to like so much was playing in the background now. It made her pretty nostalgic for the good old days in the Pierce house. Sometimes Brittany felt this one should have been the soundtrack to her life, if she ever had to choose a replacement for “Candy” by Cameo.

Don't try to cry your way out of this

Don't try to lie or I'll catch you in it

Don't try to make me feel sorry for you

Just because I'm blonde

Don't think I'm dumb

Cause this dumb blonde ain't nobody's fool

When you left you thought I'd sit

An' you thought I'd wait

An' you thought I'd cry

You called me a dumb blonde

Ah, but somehow I lived through it

And you know if there's one thing this blonde has learned

Blondes have more fun

There was nothing Brittany loved more than sex and she knew she was the best. Hoeing was her hobby. If there were competitions for this, she would have won the Olympic Gold medal. In fact, she had won the kissing competition in Lima five years in a row easily, if that meant anything.

Sure fuckboys and fuckgirls were kinda fun, especially when she got them in bed for the fucking part of things but a girl needed some romance in her life too.

After the first few times, she was over them. No one could hold her interest and it seemed like she never held theirs. To them, she was always just stupid bimbo slut Brittany. Good for an easy lay but not for a relationship.

Sure she knew she was hot but Brittany was beginning to wonder why she was never the girl who got flowers or love confessions and marriage proposals made to her. She was never the girl who got her happily ever after.

All she wanted was a cowboy to ride her off into the sunset.

“Tina, he just left me,” She sobbed into the phone as she heard Mike muttering something to his girlfriend in the background that vaguely sounded like him asking where Brittany was. “I’m at the Little Alien Inn!”

So now she was crying because she got ditched again.

“Bad bitches don’t cry.”

At least, that was what Tina told her when she and Mike stopped by to take her home but Brittany wasn’t so sure she was a bad bitch at that moment.

Mike and Tina each grabbed one of her arms, all about dragging her out of the diner in her bra and skirt when she had started to take off her clothes and perform a strip show on top of a table as she often did.

“You must think I’m such a mess.” Brittany sobbed, mascara running down her cheeks. Tina and Mike who were accustomed to picking up Brittany from sleazy bars and motels weren’t particularly surprised by any of this.

“Oh Britt, it’s not you. It’s that vile idiot. You don’t need any of them! Just be your hot girl self. You’re an independent woman who don’t need no man or woman! Hot girl summer and all that.”

Brittany wasn’t so sure about that at the moment. She felt like a codependent woman who was very much in need of a man or woman.

“Maybe Room Temperature Girl Summer?”

Tina shook her head, a long-suffering expression on her face, snorting out an incredulous, unladylike laugh as she passed another tissue to the blonde. She was so accustomed to Brittany’s oddball personality that she had come to expect comments like that from her. Apparently noticing that her tall, blonde friend was moping the night away on their couch with a pout on her face, she took pity on her.

“Here’s an idea: make a game out of it. Make some fuckboy go all crazy for you next time and then you ditch them when you’ve had your fun and laugh in their face.”

“Oh this, I’d pay to see.” Mike chimed in from across the room.

A mischievous smile tugged at the corners of Brittany’s lips as she thought her friends were making a good point.

That night, something hardened inside of her and changed for her.

Tina was right, it was time she had some more self-respect and Brittany began to realize how much more she was worth than just a quick lay in the backseat of someone’s car until they moved on to the next girl.

She got her confidence back pretty quickly because if there was one thing about Brittany it was that she didn’t stay depressed for long.

So the next week she was slinking around The Pussy Cat with feline-like confidence and agility, ignoring the men who gawked at her, hissing and cat-calling as she passed by. She didn’t have a care in the world.

Who cared about girlfriends and boyfriends? She was just there to have fun with her friends. So that’s what she was going to do.

She was having such a great time that she really did forget about her troubles.

Then she felt her burning gaze on her from across the room. The stranger in question was a Latina with black hair, equally dark eyes, glowing dark skin, and a very slim but toned build. Her long hair fell in perfectly tousled dark waves.

She didn’t take her eyes off of Brittany once and had her jaw dropped as she took in the sight of the blonde. The blonde had never seen such a clear demonstration of “undressing someone with your eyes” in action.

Brittany couldn’t deny that the woman had this powerful, commanding aura about her.

She paid absolutely no mind to it, humming to herself as she twirled around and rolled her body perfectly in time with the beat. Then she sauntered back to her friends, giggling to herself as she thought of something her cat had done the night before.

Sugar tapped her on the shoulder.

“Oh Britt, you’ve got another admirer. That one is checking you out so hard. She looks like she’s drooling. I can see her boner from over here… ”

Brittany’s friends began to snicker obnoxiously. The blonde smirked and shrugged. It was super obvious that the painfully horny brunette was checking her out the entire time, muttering “Humina, humina,” but Brittany wasn’t bothered one way or another.

“Oh, okay. I just want to dance.”

Tina, Sugar, Marley, and the others were gawking at her. Sugar eventually piped up.

“Don’t you know who that is?! It’s Santana Lopez.”

“Who?”

“Brittany! How do you not know? She’s a celebrity! She was on Bad Girls Club.”

“Oh.”

“She’s openly lesbian too.”

“No duh. I could tell,” Brittany stated dryly, remembering how that woman had stared at her legs and ass. Come to think of it, Santana was still doing that. Brittany shook her head, rolling her eyes fondly at her friend. Sugar was always trying to matchmake her with someone and that girl knew everything about celebrities. She looked down at her nails, inspecting the pale pink polish on them while she knew Santana was checking her out again. “Uh, whatever. So not interested.”

She definitely wasn’t looking for anyone that night but if she managed to torment them, then that was a bonus. Men and some women always seemed to assume that if Brittany was dancing, it meant she was looking for a partner.

“What’s all that noise?” Brittany spoke up, hearing a bit of a commotion. “It’s kind of annoying.”

It turned out that the woman who had been checking her out was being totally loud and obnoxious now. She laughed really loudly, banging her fist on the table and being a total show-off. She threw back drinks until she was visibly red in the face. Then she started to sing as she got up on the table, drawing a crowd until some short woman with a serious expression pulled her back down before she embarrassed herself. She clearly thought she was so desirable and hot.

She probably thought that Brittany didn’t notice how she kept sneaking glances in her direction. A sly smirk came to Brittany’s lips. This woman was such a goofy dork and she was extremely obvious. Brittany had never seen someone who tried so, so hard and was so painfully lacking in self-awareness.

It was almost cute.

Brittany knew this woman’s type just from looking at her. She was also a little psychic.

She could tell this stranger was such a stereotypical arrogant womanizer with an ego the size of a small planet and thought of women as nothing more than warm bodies. She was so vain, she probably looked at herself in every reflective surface she passed. She was so selfish and spoiled that she thought the world revolved around her.

She was totally Brittany’s type.

She didn’t need her though. She was done with playboys forever.

At least that’s what she told herself when she followed her friends over to the bar. She taken a few sips from the strawberry daiquiri in her hand when she began to blink in confusion as a margarita was placed in front of her.

“It’s from that lady over there. She sent this and she asked me to tell you that you’re stunning.”

“Aw, that’s sweet. Tell her I’m so not interested.” Brittany quipped with a sassy flip of her long wavy hair.

Brittany glanced over her shoulder to see Santana waving and giving her this smug smile that made these stupid, cute dimples deepen on both of her cheeks.

Tina and her other friends were just watching her with amusement as Brittany continued to ignore Santana. All of her friends clearly found this so hilarious, though they were supporting her in her decision to completely ignore all the perverts and fuckboys who were trying to get her.

“Wow, Santana’s really going for it. Looks like someone’s dying for your attention.” Mike chuckled.

“Ugh, here we go. I so don’t care. She’s just horny. Why do they always see a woman sitting alone and assume she wants a companion?” The sass was dripping from Brittany’s voice as she tossed her hair back over her shoulder and curled her lip, ignoring the drink Santana sent her. “Newsflash, no thanks.”

Santana kept giving her the eye no matter how much Brittany made it clear that she wasn’t going to fall into her arms. Ugh, Brittany rolled her eyes with exasperation and amusement, couldn’t Ms. Egotistical take a hint?

Apparently not.

“Oh don’t look now, here she comes. She got it bad.” Sugar snorted as everyone began to chuckle at the sight of Santana Lopez swaggering over with her shoulders thrown back.

Brittany had to hand it to her, the woman was the only one who had been brave enough to approach her like this all night.

Too bad the blonde was so not in the mood.

Brittany was feeling bitchy. She knew the routine by now. They all wanted to know her name, her number, her sign… Brittany was curious about whatever sleazy pick-up line Ms. Arrogant was going to give her and she didn’t disappoint.

Santana had this stupid, cute cheesy smirk on her face and her teeth were gleaming white.

She was so typical Hollywood sleaze.

“Hi. You’re gorgeous,” Okay, she was starting off being a little charming with that opening line, Brittany had to admit but she just knew the sleaze would be coming next. “Dayum, Girl. Where’d you learn to dance like that? Who you dancing like that for looking all hot like that?”

Not for you, Jerk :) That’s for sure.

“What I want to know is, what time them legs open?”

Like I haven’t heard that one a million times before…

It was so lame. Even though she was in stunned disbelief, Brittany couldn’t help but notice Santana now and she gave it back to her with a sassy comeback of her own.

“Oh, is that supposed to be a pick up line?”

Brittany was beginning to wonder if Santana had ever actually flirted with a woman before, far less managed to pick up one. There was a flash of lust in her dark eyes when Brittany said that and she looked as if she was about to combust on the spot.

“So, you know, I’m on top of things. Would you like to be one of them?”

Brittany could barely hold back her laugh, cupping a hand over her mouth as she rolled her eyes. Santana continued to puff up her chest and peacock around her, as if she expected Brittany to be totally impressed.

“Ooo, is it hot in here, or is it just you?”

She could not be for real. This was the great, powerful celebrity Santana Lopez her friends were in awe of? She really thought she was charming the dress off of Brittany with those corny lines.

Brittany couldn’t wait to tell Tina about this later. She knew her friend would be laughing about it forever.

“Ooo, I’m in trouble.”

Santana as always, was unfazed by Brittany’s ice cold, dismissive attitude. The preppy blonde decided to tease her even more, getting close and poking her finger into Santana’s chest confidently. Brittany couldn’t deny that the way Santana’s eyebrows rose and her lips parted as if she was flustered by the blonde invading her personal space amused her to no end.

“Oh that’s how it is, huh? What’s your name, Pretty Girl?”

Anytime Brittany was snippy towards her, the woman looked at her with obvious arousal written all over her face. She was pushing back her dark hair, trying so, so hard to look all cool and suave but she had this stupid, goofy look of excitement on her face that made it difficult for Brittany not to start giggling. She had to cover her hand over her mouth as she laughed in her face.

The more Brittany acted all aloof and mysterious, the more she turned on Ms. Egomaniac. She swore she saw the woman clenching her thighs together when Brittany gave another sassy response to her.

Brittany had been one of the most popular cheerleaders at school and homecoming queen. She knew how to handle vain, uncouth Santana Lopez types.

Except she had never met anyone quite as hot as Santana before.

Now that she was so physically close to Santana, she couldn’t stop herself from checking the girl out, noticing that she was slightly shorter than her with a toned, slim build that the simple black dress she was wearing displayed so well. Brittany couldn’t help but notice the slight muscle tone in her arms and how radiant her brown skin was.

Santana gave her another smug look, as if she could tell that Brittany liked what she saw. Whatever. If she thought Brittany was just going to give in to her, she had another thing coming.

If there was one thing Brittany knew, it was flirting.

She learned it straight from her blonde, buxom mother, the original harlot and heartbreaker of Lima in her day before she had settled down. If she wanted to, she could get this girl into bed, easy as ABC.

Brittany didn’t even have to try and that’s exactly why she wasn’t gonna let her get what she wanted so easily.

The blonde dancer totally knew the effect she had on her. It was so easy to rile the dark-haired woman up and as she beckoned her closer with a finger, Santana kept gazing at her lips, making it so obvious what she wanted.

She leaned closer, knowing that Santana would feel her breathing against her neck and as she expected, there was a sharp, aroused intake of breath from the Latina.

She even closed her eyes, pursing her lips as if Brittany was going to kiss her.

As if.

“My name is no. My sign is no. My number is no. You need to let it go.”

She couldn’t stop giggling at the sight of Santana frozen in place with her lips sticking out, clearly not expecting this turn of events as Brittany just sang that song to her.

No kisses for you, Hot Shot, She smiled to herself.

Talk about embarrassing. How was Ms. Big Shot Movie Star ever gonna recover from that one?

Brittany was a professional dancer and she could easily outdo everyone in the club but that didn’t seem to stop Santana from trying to keep up with her. She began to dance beside her energetically as Temperature by Sean Paul played.

“You’re cocky. That’s how you dance?” Brittany was in stunned disbelief yet again, amused by the way Santana was being so ridiculous. She was clearly trying so hard to impress her and it was having the opposite effect. Santana was being such a clown and people around them were starting to give them strange looks.

“You like that, huh, Babe?” The woman was all up on her, her arm settling around her waist as she husked into her ear. “You want all up on this, don’t you? I’ll make you feel so good, Princess. Trust me. I’ll make you scream my name.”

Santana’s voice was so hazy and raspy. Brittany felt heat rush to her face, right up her neck to her ears, shocked by what she heard… and kind of intrigued. Santana couldn’t really think Brittany would give in just from that locker room talk. She didn’t want Santana to see how affected she was by her comment but of course, Santana saw everything.

Apparently the woman noticed the blush on Brittany’s face too and she was amused.

“Is that so?” She challenged, making sure to flutter her eyelashes.

“You bet. I think we should get to know each other better. Preferably with way less clothes on.”

Was that the best Santana had?

“Hmm, oh, you’d like that, wouldn’t you? What else?”

“Roses are red, violets are fine. You be a six and I’ll be a nine.”

Santana might have been the funniest person to ever exist. She couldn’t be for real.

“Mm hm. Is that all?”

The celebrity began to tell her all about what she wanted to do with her when she got her in bed, making her appreciation for Brittany’s ass obvious. She wasn’t expecting her to grind up on her like that. The feeling of Santana’s hips moving against hers and her husky voice against her ear made it kind of hard for her to remember that she wasn’t supposed to give in to her.

She was such a horny jerk and Brittany’s jaw dropped in disbelief at how crude she was being as the blush in her cheeks intensified.

Santana was just a little too excited, acting as if she was entitled to getting into Brittany’s pants and that just wouldn’t do. At least not until Brittany was ready for that. If she decided she wanted her. Brittany was gonna have to remind her to back off a little until she wined and dined her enough - if Brittany deigned to allow her to.

She wagged a finger.

“Nuh uh. I don’t think so.”

She needed to extract herself from Santana’s arms. So she raised her knee the way she saw on a TV show about women defending themselves from muggers and got her right up in the area between her legs.

Not in a fun way either.

Santana’s eyes went comically wide in stunned disbelief and she took a tumble on her ass.

“Did I do that? Oops! My Bad!” She giggled with faux-innocence, not meaning a word of it.

Brittany walked back over to her friends victoriously as they clapped and cheered for her. In fact, almost the entire club had stopped to watch the whole spectacle as Santana struggled to regain her dignity.

“Brittany, I am so proud of you. You are the ultimate boss, oh my God!” Tina congratulated her then turned back to her phone. “Santana Lopez getting clamslammed and kneed right in the vagina by a mystery woman is already trending on Twitter.”

“You’re not leaving with her?” Sugar looked shocked when the blonde waltzed over, making her exit. Brittany not going home with someone, especially someone like Santana, was about as rare as a blue moon. “This never happens. She’s just your type. She’s rich, super famous, good-looking, shallow, dumb…”

“Not really. She’s gonna have to try harder if she wants all of this.” Brittany flipped her hair over her shoulder with complete confidence and sass, gesturing to the curves of her body. She knew Santana could hear her. Santana blinked at her stupidly a few times, apparently disoriented by her hotness.

She turned just in time to see Santana limping over to her pathetically.

Brittany was confused. Why was Santana gazing at her in fascination, as if Brittany was the most gorgeous, entrancing being she had ever encountered even though her groin and ego were in a world of hurt?

“What’s your name?”

Maybe it was because Santana was so cute but Brittany couldn’t help but flirt a little despite herself. Maybe she didn’t want their game to be over just yet. They were both sweaty and flushed, somewhat breathless from all the dancing.

“You need to let it go,” She teased, watching Santana closely as the woman attempted to regain her composure and act like she was unaffected. “It’s Brittany.”

____

That would be far from the last she saw of Ms. Can't Take No For An Answer, even if she had humiliated her.

She had never met anyone quite as determined and persistent as Santana Lopez.

Apparently, when the Empress of the Universe wanted something, she always got her way and she wasn’t accustomed to being told “No.”

Apparently Santana was really into the whole prissy mean girl side of Brittany.

She was also the most obvious person on the face of the planet. Brittany snorted when Tina sent her a link to a new article. The headline was pretty interesting.

Santana Lopez Dedicates New Hit Single to Mystery Blonde - Who is “Brittany from The Pussy Cat?”

A video of her giving Santana a swift knee upward to the vaginal area had gone viral as well.

Even Santana’s hardcore fans were amused by it all.

Brittany noticed that Santana had left a bunch of comments on her thirst traps, making it extremely clear what she thought of them. The internet was going crazy making fun of how lusty and obsessed Santana was being but that hadn’t seemed to deter the woman either, despite Brittany ignoring all of her attempts to hit on her.

That Brittany S. Pierce must have some Grade A Prime Pussy for Santana to be simping this hard for her…

“Jesus Christ, the thirst,” Tina chuckled as Mike, Marley and Sugar couldn’t stop giggling beside her on the couch in the blonde’s apartment when she showed them her phone screen. They read yet another private message the woman sent to Brittany that was strongly suggesting what she wanted to do with her. “Goddamn. She really wants you.”

“She’s just horny for me. She’ll get over it.”

I’m just another conquest for her…

“Be honest, do you think she’s attractive?” Sugar asked, raising an eyebrow. “At all?”

She had watched all of Santana’s scenes on Bad Girls Club several times, looked at a bunch of her magazine photoshoots - she figured she needed to do her research, after all - and she even loved her songs that flopped. That didn’t mean anything though. Santana Lopez was just a silly pompous rich girl just like the rest of them.

“I mean, if you’re into the whole disgruntled, awkward cat aesthetic maybe. Her upper lip kinda reminds me of a duck.” She deflected.

Everyone laughed as she said this.

“You definitely should stay away from her. I know Santana well and she’s a total arrogant jerk. She thinks of women as disposable objects.”

“Oh, is she?” Brittany snorted sarcastically. “That’s a shocker. Don’t worry, Tina, believe me you don’t have to worry about me falling for her.”

Brittany’s apartment was so very pink and decorated in such an eccentric way that most people were a little taken aback when they walked in for the first time.

Eventually, her entire living space became crowded with bouquets of pink flowers Santana had sent to her address. She sent ridiculously expensive jewellery, chocolates, and dresses. Brittany didn’t even know how she figured out all of Brittany’s favourite colours and things like that but she wasn’t about to get rid of them… she liked expensive gifts.

She never responded to any of Santana’s gifts, knowing it would drive her insane. Santana got her number from Tina and Mike, who were their mutual friends. Truth be told, Tina had always found Santana annoying anyway and they were more like frenemies as that feeling was mutual, so she was happy to assist Brittany in her plan to troll Santana.

Brittany answered Santana’s calls just enough to toy with her and keep her guessing, then ignored her whenever she felt like it.

It was all part of her plan.

“What am I supposed to do with all of this stuff?” The blonde whined halfheartedly as Lord Tubbington knocked over the growing pile of chocolate boxes.

“You could send it back if you really don’t want it.” Mike suggested with a shrug.

“I would… but pink diamonds are really nice,” Brittany pouted. “I might need another dress too.”

“This almost sounds like one of those sugar daddy type of situations,” The man shook his head at her, his eyes twinkling with amusement. “I’m not surprised, since it’s you after all.”

“Except, she won’t be getting any sugar.” Britt winked. Tina smirked at her in agreement, giving her a high five.

“You are the queen of manipulation. You’re really gonna get this woman to spend herself bankrupt, aren’t you? Yes, Girl. I say, use all the power you have to your advantage. Stress that fuckgirl out. Make her work for it, Britt. Make her suffer!”

Sugar, Marley and Jake fell silent, taken aback by the short, gothic woman. Mike glanced over with a nervous expression as he heard Tina’s words, followed by her evil cackle.

“You’re torturing the shit out of her! I love it. Get it, Girl.”

Brittany felt proud.

“Hey, if she wants all this she’s gonna have to work for it.”

“Hey, Britt, I think there’s someone at your door. Must be another delivery from Ms. Egomaniac.” Sugar chimed in.

The tall blonde just shrugged, traipsing over and eventually returning with a new parcel. Brittany blushed reddish pink up to her ears, gasping at a new, skimpy lingerie set that she unwrapped. She held up the light blue, lacy lingerie as her friends began to wolf whistle jokingly and some of them made gagging noises.

Against her better judgment, she answered Santana’s call when that familiar number flashed on her phone a few minutes later.

“You’ve got a lot of nerve sending this,” She sniffed, trying to sound bitchy and cold as she told her off. “Do you really think that’s appropriate? You horny bastard.”

Santana was laughing down the line. She was actually laughing, that cheeky bitch.

“You like it, Babe? Gonna put it on and model it just for me, Querida?”

“I am not your Querida.”

She did like the lingerie a lot but Santana didn’t need to know that. If her ego got any bigger it would probably explode.

She hung up before Santana could answer. Deep down, she knew Santana would love that response even more.

****Read the rest of this story on AO3

#most amazing Brittana fic series!!#companion piece to My Name is No 😍#by my fav Brittana writer ever!#brittana #brittany s. pierce #santana lopez #brittany pierce #brittana fanfiction #glee #my name is no series

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melancholydreamers · 2 months

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Chang² for Valentine’s Day!! ❤️

They’re wreaking havoc at the Dim Sum restaurant that Tina did not want to go to

#Tina hates chicken feet #happy valentine’s day #tina cohen chang #mike chang #Tike #glee fanart #glee #Chang Squared #asian persuasion #my art <3

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melancholydreamers · 3 months

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My amazingly talented friend wrote this equally amazing fanfic!! Part 2 of “My Name is No” Britt’s POV! Please everyone go show it some love, it’s hilariously funny and endearing, it’s like one of those really cute romcoms!! ✨

* it’s called “That Don’t Impress Me Much” for anyone wondering!!

Here is part 1 as well if you haven’t read it already!!

@sohemotional thank you thank you! This is the best birthday gift ever!! 💖💖

#Brittany is so cheeky in this!!#Britt is THAT girl 😍#Brittana #cute awkward Santana #they are so cute #brittana fanfiction #brittany s. pierce #santana lopez #brittany pierce #the most amazing fic ever!!!#thank you thank you!!!! ahhhh #glee fanfiction #my fav Brittana writer 🙈

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melancholydreamers · 6 months

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107

“Do you believe in ghosts?”

Brittany had a white sheet over her head with two holes for her eyes and was shining a flashlight up into her face as she spoke in a “spooky” voice, waving her hands around. Rachel jumped back in alarm.

Rachel, Tina, Finn, Mercedes and Mike were all staring at at the girl weirdly as she took out a Ouija board, placing it on the floor of her apartment on Halloween night. She pulled the sheet off of her head, grinning widely at her friends as she observed their panicked faces.

“B-Brittany are you sure that’s a good idea?” Her roommate, Tina stuttered.

“Yeah, relax, Guys. It’s totally fine. I play with it all the time when I’m bored and like, it doesn’t even work. Nothing happens.”

“What? All the time?! Brittany, you shouldn’t play with that thing!” Rachel yelped while Finn looked around awkwardly as the short, intense brunette grabbed his hand tightly. Her eyes darted around the room nervously as if expecting to find ghosts lurking in the shadows. “Don't you know what that is? There could be… demons in here now!”

“Wait a minute. Brittany, what are you expecting it to do?“ Mike asked, raising an eyebrow. “When you play with the board, I mean.”

Brittany took a bite of a mini chocolate bar. They were almost out of them, thanks to Finn, who had chocolate smeared all over his face. Rachel sighed as he grinned at her, not realizing he had melted chocolate all over him.

“I dunno. Grant me three wishes?”

“That’s a genie, Brittany and you’ll get that with a magic lamp. You need a magic lamp for that,” Rachel intoned in flat voice, becoming more annoyed with her bimbo friend. “We’ve all seen Aladdin. Wait a minute, what am I saying? Magic isn’t real.”

“I dunno this thing just kinda sucks," Brittany shrugged, "Here, you try, Tina. You must know all about this stuff already.”

“Whoa, whoa Britt, you know I’m all about the horror movie aesthetic but using an actual Ouija board is a little much, even for me, and these black candles you have are seriously adding to the creepy vibe. Not to mention it's literally Halloween night.”

“Fake goth.” Mike muttered sarcastically under his breath, earning a growl from his girlfriend as he pretended to be disappointed. “If you can’t even master Ouija boards, then when are you gonna move on to seances?”

“Hopefully never. You and Tina need to go to church. You too, Brittany. Especially you.” Mercedes declared as Rachel nodded beside them.

“Look Tina, just move the pointy thingy around. It’s just like instant messaging but with a board game.”

“Oh hell to the no. I’m leaving!” Mercedes announced, making the sign of the cross with her fingers. Finn ran with her, giving a manly scream and Rachel took off after them, flabbergasted, as the planchette began to move on its own. Tina gasped, staring at it in awestruck silence. Mike was a little unnerved but he thought it would be too unmanly to run away.

“It’s spelling something!” Tina shouted in a mixture of fear and excitement. Lord Tubbington began yowling as the room felt colder.

“Yeah. It’s someone texting me through the board thingy again. I know all of them already and I guess they get lonely so they all wanna talk. One at a time please, Guys.”

“Brittany?! They talk to you all the time?”

“Yeah, like it’s hard? I mean sometimes they give me the silent treatment but usually it’s getting them to shut up that’s the problem.”

“Oh my God, oh my God” Tina shrieked as the words “H-E-Y G-O-T-H" were spelt out, Mike reading out each of the letters helpfully as it moved to them quickly.

“Rude!” Tina gasped in outrage.

“H-A H-A H-A"

“Hello?” Brittany called out, as casually as if she was having a phone call with a friend. “Who are you?”

Your worst nightmare

“Oh yeah, you’re sooo mean and threatening” Brittany rolled her eyes while Tina screamed.

I am

The planchette started moving again but in slow, labored movements rather than the quick, erratic ones they had just seen.

Not. Liar.

Shut up

Go to hell

You first

“Oh my God the ghosts are arguing with each other!” Tina shouted. Brittany just tilted her head to the side, not really noticing a problem and she thought of something.

“What are you wearing, Mean Ghost?” Brittany asked in boredom, laying on her back with her arms behind her head.

No sexting

“Why not? You sound cute.” Brittany gushed.

The planchette quivered on the board as if the ghost was unsure of how to answer that one. The entire room shook as if they were having a mini earthquake for a few seconds and Tina screamed again, Mike eventually slapping his hand over her mouth and hushing her.

“Brittany, are you seriously flirting with a ghost?” Tina deadpanned after her panic had worn off a little.

“Why not?” The blonde shrugged, turning to the board again and speaking loudly. “Are you cute?”

This time, the planchette leapt off of the board and the lights flickered a few times, making Tina jump into Mike’s arms. Then everything was still and the crazy energy seemed to vanish.

Brittany shrugged with a giggle. “I guess I must have scared them off.”

Brittany kept playing with the board whenever she had any free time and next time the friends sat around at the apartment, Artie, Brittany’s ex-boyfriend was with them.

“Hi Guys and girls! I wanna talk now so like, move the planchette okay.” Brittany ordered the imaginary people. Spirits. Whatever they were.

H-I B-R-I-T-T The planchette spelled out.

“Hi, Hottie.” Brittany murmured seductively, causing her friends to raise their eyebrows.

"Oh wow, Brittany. I hope we're not interrupting anything here," Mike joked, "Maybe we need to give you two some time alone."

The entire board flipped upside down, the lights flickering like crazy and Brittany had a feeling this was the bashful, mean ghost she talked to before who freaked out and left after she called them cute. She set the board back up.

“Hi, Mr. Shy Guy.”

The board was still for a long moment.

“Wow, you’re pretty awkward.”

Girl the planchette corrected, then Not shy

“Oops, sorry. So like, what do you want to talk about?”

Artie leaned over, putting his arm around Brittany casually at some point. Out of nowhere, a force knocked his arm right off of her shoulders. Artie yelped, looking around the room in confusion as he tried to figure out what could have happened.

Ha ha ha

“Hey that was not funny… you, you demon! Brittany… I think you have a poltergeist… I’m going to leave.” Artie groaned.

The planchette moved super fast again as Artie wheeled away at full speed.

“Don’t come back, Wheels.”

“I think you have a jealous ghost, Brittany.” Tina giggled.

___

Brittany tried to talk to the ghost again when she was alone. She had a feeling she would talk to her more openly when her friends weren’t around and she was right.

“What’s your actual name?”

Santana

“How old are you?”

Twenty-five

“Me too.”

“Why are you here in this house?”

Lonely

“You can always talk to me, Santana.”

You too

A long pause.

You are the most beautiful girl

“You’re so romantic.” Brittany sighed. If she could date a ghost, she had a feeling this Santana would be her soulmate. Sometimes Brittany would hear a low, hazy voice singing a beautiful song, soothing her early in the morning or feel a gentle breeze, or a presence beside her when she was alone and her roommate, Tina was out.

She even woke up after feeling a pressure at the foot of her bed, a hand touching her arm to wake her up from a nightmare. She knew it was Santana. Brittany was never afraid of her. She kept calling for her to come back and she always did. Whenever she had a bad day, Santana would appear in some form and it would cheer her up.

---

Brittany gasped when she came home one day to find a ring of salt encircling the living room, along with some guy chanting from a book and Tina burning some sage.

“No, no, Tina, what are you doing?!”

“I called an exorcist and got this stuff for good measure. Brittany, I’m sick of this ghost. She’s constantly hiding my shoes, she jumps out at me at random times and I swear I heard laughter when I was looking at myself in the mirror. She even laughs at my singing! She has got to go. All of the knocked over vases she does just to annoy me... If this doesn’t work, I’m calling Mike’s mom to ask her to do an ancient spell.”

“No wait, Tina, please don’t scare her off, she's just bored and lonely. I’ll talk to her!”

Brittany rushed to get out her Ouija board, locking herself in her bedroom and setting it out on the floor.

“Please come back, Santana.” Tears came to her eyes as she kept asking for the girl and didn’t get a response after a long time had passed. Just when Brittany had given up, the ghost appeared before her.

Lord Tubbington began meowing at a high volume, moving around the apartment at a high speed she hadn’t seen him use in ages. Brittany gasped as an ethereal form appeared, translucent before her and a cold wind blew. She wasn’t afraid, just fascinated with what she saw. It was the form of a beautiful girl with black hair, high cheekbones and dark, deep eyes. She was the most stunning person Brittany had ever seen.

“Brittany, I’m here,” The ghost whispered in a soothing, low and raspy voice. Brittany would never forget her beautiful voice. “Don't cry."

“Santana? I thought you... I thought you were gone forever. That’s really you?”

The ghost nodded and leaned in close, kissing her. Brittany gasped, not expecting it but closed her eyes when she realized what the ghost was doing. She felt the slightest soft pressure against her lips and leaned into it. It felt as intimate as a kiss as it would have been if Santana was standing before her in the flesh.

"I love you, Brittany."

“I love you too. Please don’t ever leave me.” She whispered and felt a hand touch her face.

“I'll always protect you. I’ll never leave you alone.”

When she opened her eyes, Santana was gone. She found her M&Ms re-arranged in a heart-shaped pattern and smiled.

#Brittana x Halloween what more could you need!!!#Brittana is still so cute even under paranormal circumstances! hehe #it’s technically still spooky season so give this a read!! 😻#brittana #brittana fics

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melancholydreamers · 6 months

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A cute little Britt drawing for my dear friend 💋🩵 @sohemotional

#brittany s pierce #brittany pierce #brittana #glee fanart #glee art #glee #actual loml #my art <3 #happiest of birthdays to my dear friend

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melancholydreamers · 8 months

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“Dancing was my sport when I was younger. So I chose that over everything. And then I just had to keep going because it became a competitive thing. But I’m not trying to impress anyone anymore. Dancing is more like my art, now.”

#heather morris #hemo #she’s such a beautiful woman #i love her

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melancholydreamers · 9 months

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My Name Is No (You Need To Let It Go) - Brittana Fanfiction

Summary: Santana closed her eyes, pushing out her lips and tilting her head in anticipation of a kiss.

Then she sang to her, punctuating her sentences with small taps against Santana’s chest.

“My name is no. My sign is no. My number is no. You need to let it go. You need to let it go.”

Santana is an egotistical celebrity who instantly falls head over heels in love with Brittany and tries anything to get her attention but the coy blonde keeps playing hard to get. Can she make Brittany fall for her too? Brittana RomCom AU

Rating: M

Read More On AO3

It all started one night at the club.

Mercedes kept telling her in her disapproving, long-suffering way that she needed to actually get serious about women after she had caught the millionth scantily clad blonde damsel doing the walk of shame out of Santana’s penthouse apartment with mascara running down her face wearing yesterday’s clothes.

Santana wasn’t planning on meeting the love of her life that night. She had just had a work week from hell, her label wasn't too impressed with her latest media scandal about that fight she had in the bar the other week - even though she totally won it - and there was talk about dropping her, she was slightly buzzed on tequila and she hadn’t slept with a girl in a month, which was a record for her but it also meant she was going out of her mind from sex deprivation. The Pussy Cat was exactly where she needed to be that Saturday night.

Santana was hot, famous and rich, so every woman wanted her. At least that’s how she saw it. She had her TV career… okay maybe a stint or two on Bad Girls Club and her singing career… the losers who said her album flopped didn’t know what they were talking about. Clearly, she had made it. Sure, she didn't have some cheesy, super lame Broadway career like Rachel Berry and okay, maybe she was considerably less wealthy but who needed Broadway when she had all this?

She knew Madison with the great legs from their previous monster truck rally hookup was waving at her flirtatiously from across the room and that platinum blonde, daisy duke-wearing redneck, Lindsey, was giving her the eye from the other side of the club. Santana knew she could get any of them in the backseat of her car but at the moment she was highly distracted.

There she was, dancing right there in the center of the room without a care in the world, as if no one was watching even though she had caught the attention of every man in the room and Santana. As if she wasn’t a divine moon goddess descended from Aphrodite herself.

Santana gasped out loud, grabbing the front of Mercedes’ shirt and gesturing toward the ethereal nymph goddess. She couldn’t contain her enthusiasm.

“That’s what I’m talking about! Do you see her?”

“Who?”

Mercedes was less than amused with Santana.

“Her! What a woman!”

She was the hottest woman Santana had ever seen in her thirty something years of life. Santana couldn’t take her eyes off of her long, sexy legs in the tiny, pink mini dress she was wearing as the angelic blonde fairy shimmied and rolled her hips like she was being paid for it.

She heard Mercedes muttering something in the background about how she didn’t sign up to be her wingwoman but she didn’t pay any mind to that. Santana had tunnel vision.

The Latina gaped at the blonde, dropping the glass she was holding as her eyes raked over the woman’s form. She was completely captivated by this woman who put all other women in the universe to shame. If she was a cartoon character there would be hearts popping out of her eyes and she would be drooling all over. She heard a million cheesy love songs playing in her head.

For one thing, this blonde vixen was tall and had legs for days. Santana loved tall women. Santana could tell from those legs alone that this woman was a dancer… and God did Santana love dancers. She was drawn to them like a moth to a flame.

It was difficult to even describe this level of sheer womanly beauty she was basking in. The woman’s legs were just unbelievably sexy, so perfectly toned but thick, just the way Santana liked it.

Her striking, alabaster skin was so pale that she stood out from everyone else there with their obnoxious fake tans and her light blonde hair fell in soft, beachy waves.

There was nothing Santana loved more than long, pretty, flowing hair. Everything about this enchantress was so striking and feminine that Santana forgot about everything else as she watched her. Hell, she forgot her own name.

When the bewitching blonde turned around slightly, Santana finally saw her face and let out an audible gasp again. She had these upturned, startlingly blue eyes that Santana could only describe as being feline and they glinted with playfulness. She had never seen eyes shaped like that before and they were just so seductive.

Her features, right down to her enticing pink lips were so delicate and her body was so svelte but curvy in all the right areas. Her freckled skin looked unbelievably soft. All Santana could think about was getting her out of that tiny slip of a pink dress.

Santana wasn’t a genius but if there was one thing she knew how to do, it was getting girls. She considered herself a master, actually. If there was one thing she was sure of, it was that she could make any hot bicurious, bisexual, or experimenting blonde babe within a ten mile radius fall for her. If this girl had any remote interest in other women, Santana would have her in bed within the next ten minutes, she was sure of that.

She made up her mind that she was going to shoot her shot with this woman. She’d be a fool not to.

She kept staring in Miss Sexy Blonde’s direction, making no secret of her interest in her and when the girl went to join her friends at a table, Santana made a point of having drinks sent to her, making sure to turn up the charm when she smirked in Sexy Blonde’s direction each time. Girls loved the Lopez smirk.

She just continued talking to her friends and didn’t even seem to notice Santana at all though, shrugging each time a drink was brought to her. That was no problem. Santana loved a bit of a challenge. At least, she loved it when it came from this girl.

The Latina waited to make her move, pretending not to be sneaking glances at her constantly. Blondie had to know she was the sexiest woman in the entire place. In the entire world, probably.

She noticed that the woman didn’t seem to have any boyfriend or girlfriend around… not that such things had ever stopped Santana before.

As the night wore on, she made a point of laughing extra loud with her friends and acted like a lunatic, just to get the girl’s attention.

She ignored the way her friends were giving her strange looks. Again, the nymph-like, elfen goddess didn’t look her way even once. Santana’s smug smile dropped but she had a new plan.

She eventually swaggered up to her, keeping her back straight, pushing out her chest and throwing her head back. If this was the animal kingdom, Santana would be strutting and displaying her feathers like a peacock to attract her mate but this was the best she had to offer.

If Blondie wanted some attention, she’d give her some. Santana searched her head for the best pick-up lines she could come up with.

She knew she had game. These had totally worked on all of her hookups.

“Hi. You’re gorgeous,” Santana came up behind her, making sure to pull out all the stops for this girl. When the girl turned to face her, Santana put on her megawatt, dimpled smile and she was sure her dark brown eyes were extra smouldering. No girl could ever resist the smoulder. “Dayum, Girl. Where’d you learn to dance like that? Who you dancing like that for looking all hot like that?”

The sexy blonde didn’t respond, continuing to twirl around in place with her dreamy expression.

“What I want to know is, what time them legs open?” Santana drawled, unfazed when she ignored her the first time. She had to at least be impressed with this.

“Oh, is that supposed to be a pick up line?” The girl quipped, those upturned, foxy eyes filled with mischief as she finally turned them on Santana. Even her voice was so sexy. She had this rich, preppy, untouchable mean girl vibe that was absolutely doing it for Santana as she stared right into her eyes. Santana was stunned speechless.

Oh I’ve got her attention.

The dark-haired woman swallowed nervously and clenched her thighs together, suddenly wondering if she maybe bit off more than she could chew.

She was practically throbbing now just from that sassy comeback and the way the girl tossed her blonde waves back as she smirked at Santana confidently and seemed to see right through her with that laser blue gaze. Keep it together, Lopez.

“So, you know, I’m on top of things. Would you like to be one of them?” Santana waggled her eyebrows, moving closer. “Ooo is it hot in here or is it just you?”

That earned her a snort and an eyeroll. Oh yeah, this was going so well. She was picking up signals from this woman that her intuition had been right. Miss Homecoming Queen was definitely into her.

“Ooo, I’m in trouble,” Santana made sure to keep her voice low and raspy. Girls liked that. Yeah, she was nervous as hell but she had to act confident. Santana’s eyebrows rose when her Barbie goddess came a little closer and poked her finger into her chest. “Oh, that’s how it is, huh? What’s your name, Pretty Girl?”

Oh fuck yeah. This was really happening! Sexy Blonde was finally invading her personal space. She kept looking at Santana, her eyes trailing over her toned body, with a little impish sideways smirk as if she liked what she was seeing and Santana was suddenly thankful to her lucky stars that she had chosen her sexy black dress that night. She knew she looked hot.

Oh yeah… she’s definitely checking me out.

Then that shimmery sapphire gaze met hers and it was as if time stopped. Santana tried to maintain her composure because it wasn’t exactly cool to admit you were practically about to come just from a girl looking into your eyes but she was getting so overwhelmed, the room suddenly feeling about one hundred degrees hotter.

The tall blonde beckoned her to come closer as if there was something she wanted to tell her and Santana couldn’t keep her eyes off her lips. She was so curious about this girl.

Santana could hardly handle being in the presence of this much pure unadulterated estrogen without short circuiting.

If this was how she was feeling when the girl was barely touching her, she wondered how she’d feel when she actually got the blonde into her bed.

She was so sure she was about to get a kiss from the leggy goddess as she leaned in really close and felt her hot breath against her neck. She felt goosebumps rise on her skin, shivering slightly.

There was some perfume the woman was wearing, or maybe it was her natural scent that was so sugary and light, in this intoxicating way. It was driving Santana insane. Santana closed her eyes, pushing out her lips and tilting her head in anticipation of a kiss.

Then she sang to her, punctuating her sentences with small taps against Santana’s chest.

“My name is no. My sign is no. My number is no. You need to let it go. You need to let it go.”

There was the sound of girlish giggling and Santana realized she was laughing at her. So it was pretty embarrassing to be left hanging as the blonde didn’t give her anything more and she pulled away. She just left her there hanging like a loser with a duck face and no kisses.

At first, Santana was so turned on and entranced by that adorable singing voice that she didn’t quite register what she had just said in that sultry voice of hers. She thought she should have been offended but hell, she could hardly even breathe or think straight after that. Even that giggle was the most seductive sound she had ever heard.

Santana was so confused about how this woman was rejecting her with her words yet giving her “Fuck Me” eyes at the same time and fluttering her long lashes. It all made her head spin.

Let it go? That only made Santana want her way more.

So that wasn’t really expected but it was somehow the hottest thing in the world that Miss Sexy Blonde was giving her come hither eyes yet turning her down in such a sassy way. This woman was so sneaky. She knew how hot she was and the effect she was having on Santana.

There was no way she could be looking at her like that with those eyes and then expect her to not chase her. If the little minx wanted someone to chase her, Santana would be more than happy to.

Long years ago, her first ever girlfriend’s father had chased her out of his pickup truck with a shotgun when he found her hooking up with said daughter in the back of said pickup truck. After that, nothing could scare her.

“Oh, she’s spicy,” Santana smirked, undeterred and following the girl the entire time as she spun herself further into the room. “Such a little tease. I like that in a woman. You want me to work for it, huh? C’mon, Babe. I know you want this.”

Temperature by Sean Paul began to play and Santana grinned.

“Oh, this is my song!” She announced excitedly.

Santana began to dance up beside the girl, wanting to show her that she had some moves too and could more than keep up with her, even if she wasn’t some professional dancer like she was. The girl didn’t seem too impressed with her body rolls, however and she was chuckling as Santana danced aggressively beside her as if she was strung out on cocaine.

“You’re cocky,” The girl said flatly. “That’s how you dance?”

Santana could hear the smirk in that cute, sassy, preppy girl voice as she said all that without even looking in her direction.

“You like that, huh, Babe?” Santana took that as a compliment. So yeah, she got carried away again but in her defence, the sexiest woman in all of existence was dancing literally right beside her. Santana slipped her arms around her waist, whispering into her ear in a smoky voice. “You want all up on this, don’t you? I’ll make you feel so good, Princess. Trust me, I’ll make you scream my name.”

That comment definitely made the girl blush and Santana was proud. She looked adorable with those flushed cheeks.

“Is that so?” She said coyly, batting her eyelashes.

“You bet. I think we should get to know each other better. Preferably with way less clothes on.”

“Hmm, oh you’d like that, wouldn’t you?” The sexy mean girl scoffed in that little soft-spoken voice, rolling her pretty eyes as she sniffed. “What else?

“Roses are red, violets are fine. You be a six and I’ll be a nine.”

She could tell Brittany was trying not to laugh.

“Mm hm. Is that all?”

“Fuck yeah. What else could you want? Girl, I’d do you right here if I could. Your ass is so amazing,” Santana moved closer to her, grinding against her to emphasize her point and heard the blonde gasp. “Just imagine it, you and me tangled up in my silk sheets. Let me take you home, Babe.”

So maybe she was being crude but girls liked that. At least the girls Santana ended up in bed with liked it but Brittany had her jaw dropped, her pale cheeks still flushed and rolled her eyes as Santana shifted closer.

“Nuh uh. I don’t think so.”

Santana wasn’t sure how the girl managed to do it but in a series of super fast, cat-like maneuvers and agility, she slipped out of her arms and Santana yelped as she fell back on her ass hard after losing balance. This girl was deceptively innocent looking.

Everyone was staring at her and yeah, it was pretty embarrassing. Mercedes was laughing at her.

She was also reeling from getting kneed right in the crotch. It was then that she discovered that even for girls, that really hurt.

“Oops! My bad!” The woman exclaimed, cupping her hand over her mouth, although she didn’t sound remotely apologetic. She was doing that sexy giggle again, her blue eyes sparkling with amusement.

Santana was lost in a daze, her whole world transformed. The more the hot chick rejected her, the sexier she became in Santana’s eyes. Santana had never been so horny. There was just one thought going through her mind.

Oh she might not know it yet but that’s wifey right there!

“Whoa, wait,” Santana limped up to her when she saw her grab her little purse and leave, struggling to move due to her now aching groin. She had never felt so desperate for a girl in her life. “What’s your name?”

“You need to let it go,” The girl flipped her long hair back with sass but then the corners of her lips curved upward as Santana leaned up against the wall, trying to play it cool. “It’s Brittany.”

Cute… Even her name is so adorable and perfect for her.

Then she walked away, swaying her hips.

“That’s the one,” Santana murmured in a dreamy voice as Mercedes shook her head in disbelief and looked to the heavens as if she was praying for help. “I want her, Mercedes.”

“Girl, you’re insane.”

Santana was going to make this sexy, Viking goddess of a woman fall for her if it was the last thing she did.