Legions ... This is where I depart. I am amazing, and know I have proven it to you. I know you will miss me, I miss writing about me already. Maybe someday I will return, just to check in, if you are lucky.

Because every pathetic and ridiculous moment of my man-child existence is recorded on Facebook for all to fucking see, every minute of the damn day. Because you all love me and want to be me.

Oh, I know what you're saying, "Who fucking cares?!?!?!" LOL!!

I took this with the camera mounted to my bike! Because looking at this is sooooooo exciting! Too bad you aren't Facebook friends with me, then you could watch all 27:45 of this exciting coverage.

Just keeping my legions up to date on every aspect of my day!

🎼I'm on top of the world, hey! LOL! I know you care so much that I'm on a dirt road. Did I mention how amazing I am?

Elite AF!!! I should have phrased this "the pro rode with me!" (Mentioned pro shall remain nameless, because it was for about 200 feet me and said pro rode "together.") but still elite.

I bet you thought I forgot about my legions of fans! No never!!!! I am a deep and sensitive man, as proof from me getting all beautifully sensitive about Elton John and his 70s ballads.

In the infamous words of Cheap Trick, "I want you to want me. I need you to need me." I KNOW you want me. I know I'm all that - and a bag of chips! (Albeit, the generic chips, because I'm a cheap ass).

Because I live with my parents, like any grown, responsible man does.

No one wanted to be elite with me today. Think the truth is people don't like to be in the shadow of my greatness. My ego is secure, and I'm a swell, and ELITE, athletic specimen. I guess I will remain up here on my pedestal by myself. Didn't need you guys anyway.

I'm on a roll tonight! Just waiting for someone to give me a thumbs up or say something, ANYTHING, to let me know you're paying attention to ME.

OMG! Here's a novel idea: how about I just go do the "endeavor," without trying to show the world how fucking elite I am?

I actually don't care how you're doing. I just want you to ask me how I'm doing.

Wanted to post this, so not only are you aware of me (which is all that really matters), but wanted to show what an insensitive choade I am! My musical tastes have always been superior, anyone who has been bumping around with me in the Saturn knows that!

Shout out to the CRAPPY ASS tea company that made my tea. Too bad it isn't as elite as me. Rad.

OMG!!!! Look what I made for dinner. Bet your dinner didn't even come close to my factory farmed chicken strips and frozen ass veggies (with green sprinkles)! YES! I amazed everyone tonight with my mad culinary skillz!