wanting to talk to people is so fucking embarrassing. literally hi it's me again I wanted to have a conversation with you because I think you're fun to talk to. oh god you can just fucking kill me if you want sorry

so tired of constantly having to tell people about the worst times of my life. all because I'm so disabled that i need help with everything. financially, physically, medically... it's just so tiring having to explain everything again and again and be misunderstood constantly.

When you pin your garment and feel real proud. Then realise you put them all in the wrong direction.

Whelp fighting the connecting seams to lie flat the way I want them to go it is.

Is my writing the best and most well written? No, probably not.

Do I have fun and like to read over my fics from time to time because they make me happy. Absolutely yes.

If you're reading this...

go write three sentences on your current writing project.

I've been doing some dotting. Tried to film myself doing so. Didn't realise how not quiet I think I am. Yes I have no excuse. I had no headphones on. Was relaxing in silence. Or what I thought was silence till I watched the clip back. If I can figure out how to post it I'll let you listen to the stimming sounds, talking to myself and "whisper" singing. Because let's face it my best friend gets a kick out of it and my boyfriend seems to use it as background noise to his gaming.

I really thought I didn't speak much. 🤷‍♀️

let's look what tumblr prefer to drink

Designing myself new logos. Because I want something bright and cute and I may or may not be procrastinating a critical essay.

On a side note. All my stuff is handed in. Would you want to read an excerpt from the children's story I'm writing? It's a horror story aimed at 10-12 year olds currently but that rating could still change as I add to the story. I've also got a piece from the start of the term if anyone would like me to post that, I guess that's aimed at an older audience, kind of. It's all connected. I also have a script connected to it.

Please supply this pitiful student with tea. Tis sustenance. It makes me eat biscuits which reminds me to eat.

Drawing a piece for a secret santa gift. I have very limited knowledge of FNAF and am scared about getting him wrong.

Any tips on colouring his fur?

Does he look okay?

Not sure it's the same one but I went to Orlando universal studios. And had the opposite experience but that might be in contrast to here in the uk..

It was large, I could navigate around in my wheelchair with ease and I could go on rides, I to attractions, scare houses etc BY MYSELF.

Sure, some of the access was steep as hell. And I had to be careful in crowded spots for sudden high curbs. Wheelchair services sucked arse though, one of the ride assistants knocked a bolt loose in my wheel and I had to walk (excruciatingly painfully) all the way from mib to the hotel because they wouldn't lend me a screw driver to fix it or fix it themselves as it wasn't one of theirs, they couldn't end me a chair as they only have the super large ones I had no hope of pushing and they refused to.

As to in the uk, recently I went to Thorpe Park and Chessington where I couldn't go anywhere by myself, needed constant pushing to get over loose paving, curbs, steep inclines etc The accessibility of the rides was dubious at best, and by law, I had to have someone on the ride with me. I was banded and not allowed to ride without an adult (I'm 31). The music is so loud you can't hear (just like some parts of the US park), but unlike the Orlandos park yoh cannot get away from the speakers because the UK parks are so tightly packed. The accessibility kiosk at Chessington isn't accessible unless you're in a small motorised chair. The one at thorpe had me having to yell about my incontinence issues in front of hundreds because he wouldn't accept that my pass allows me two carers to get in with me for all the above reasons. I've never felt so striped of my free will.

i wish fun places were more accessible. i should be at universal studios with my family right now but both my friend (nd) and i (ocd, autistic) had to leave early because we were losing our shit. genuinely i was so anxious and upset the entire time. it was so loud, so bright. we couldn’t do much of anything. not to mention that those w/ physical disabilities weren’t decently accommodated at all. it’s so hard to navigate the park with a wheelchair or even a cane; not an adequate amount of seating, bathrooms, etc., at all. why can’t any effort be made for disabled people to have fun too

It's been over 7 months now since I moved out, escaped the abuse and ran away from the trauma.. I am safe now and yet every day I live thinking I am doing something wrong and that I bother others by existing. It turns out you can't run away from trauma. But you can heal a little more every day by giving yourself lots of kindness and patience ❤️‍🩹

Things on For you page on most sites today talking about triggers and how to avoid or mitigate the damage from them. Especially if they pertain to past abuse situations.

I've talked to therapists and chaplaincy, who seem to all stand on an equal position with these posts, but they always talk about "bad" triggers.

○ Large men shouting at you, avoidable.

○ Medium-sized men, named James/Jamie, loudly shouting around you at small children. Extremely niche. It's mainly unavoidable if I want to stay a scout leader. James is a popular name for my age bracket, to be heard over a horde of children one must shout the games directions in a loud clear manner that all 4/5 year olds will understand while running around the hall practicing their North East South West.

No one prepared me for "good" triggers

> someone being nice to me - bawling my eyes out in a public rest room

> had spasm during sex (with a one night stand) he was fucking helpful and kind, was worried about my health which wasn't the normal reaction I'd get with ex husband - which caused me to have a panic attack, so I got my stuff, got in my car, drove to sainsbury's, got ice cream even though I'm intolerant to that shit and went to my mums where I proceeded to rant to my mum while angrily eating ice cream.

> My new boyfriends friend helped me through a pots episode while im throwing up, and we're both drunk in a club's disabled loo. She's also asking my intentions with her friend and being so sweet when I say I'm scared that i really like them but im broken and i dont wanna be too much. - leads to a panic attack where my pots then sets off the alcohol, proceeds to throw up more. - club bouncer wants to use the loo so they're shouting, and she's shouting, causing me to then shut down. <- This ended with me overthinking all of today because: I worried the boyfriend because I wasn't warming up or very responsive this morning, so he barely got any sleep, making sure I was okay. I'm scared it'll scare him off. Or I'll scare him off. What do his friends think of me. Their night got cut short, having to deal with a drunk 31 year old unable to deal with a bleeding temperature change. (They are all young 20 somethings). Like I'm waiting for someone to be mean, I can deal with that, they're all being so nice and it scares me and I don't know how to explain even if I know they'll understand (we are all chronic oversharers).

So if you've even seen this. Let alone read it. If you've suffered from abuse, what's triggered your trauma flight response that you didn't expect to trigger it. You can keep it vague or overshare. I'm just curious.

man I wish people understood how much it sucks ass to be neurodivergent and trying to find the middle ground where people like/tolerate you. like, I'm either "boring" (trying to wait my turn in conversations, holding space for other people, taking a back seat to let others get some spotlight) or "too much" (too loud/talking too much, getting excited to share, trying to participate in group conversations/activities). No one really talks about how much of being neurodivergent is just sort of trying to make yourself palatable.

I feel like so much of my life has been spent trying to find this effortless sort of middle ground everyone else seems to automatically already know, and I'm always swinging too far one way or the other. I'm lucky to have neurodivergent friends who grok me, but goddamn I wish that I could just like, exist without the constant background script in my brain that's like "you're being too loud. You're not talking enough. you're being self-centered. you're being boring. you're wrong, you're wrong, you're wrong." I feel like I'm back in high school trying to make friends but stuck as the eternal "weird kid"

it's just... lonely and sucks bad.

dating apps would be so much easier if i didn’t feel uncomfortable taking pictures of myself

vampire resurrection eddie theories??? yes yes yes

bonus steddie twilight au: