“Sometimes you feel like disappearing and it saddens you to think that no one will notice. The inadequacy daggers every inch of you because you feel like your existence does not matter much. The world made you feel exiguous and you wonder why it is that you are always giving, only to find yourself resulting in emptiness. Perhaps it is in your nature to be considerate of others and that is why you spoil them with affection. You do not know where to draw the line between those who deserve your attention and those who do not, and that is why your insides occasionally echo of hollowness. You love profoundly, I know you do. You care a lot, a lot more than most. It goes unappreciated and you are more than often taken for granted. Still, you do not want to draw a line because you realize that you would not be your true self. But, it gets tough. Because one of the greatest pains in life is feeling like you did not matter to those who meant the world to you.”

— Words I’ll probably never hear, #11 (via storytist)

The Bad & Dark Side of Me

It has been such a long time since i write any new entry regarding on my thoughts,right?It was probably because i have so much tasks to complete this year as it was my last high school year;(oh please don’t lie dude what kind of task hm you prolly just rolled on the bed all day).Really,the past few months were hectic-I had lots of addition classes to go and etc;that just forced me to abandon this little humble blog of mine :/

Now that the tense exam days have passed,i have been planning out my 3 months(???) holiday with various productive activities such as waking up from my bed to watch kdramas&movies,doing a new hobby like sewing???,taking drive class,applying for part time job,study(a lil bit so my brain wont just shut off from functioning well),cook a new recipe,clean up my room (well this one has been accomplished so just might cut it off),read the book that i just bought,takes more photos,do more arts and...start journaling again?i honestly hope i will manage to accomplish all of these stuff and tick it off from the list without procrastinating :( nah it really sucks to have this kind of procrastinate attitude inside me.

Really,I just wish i could make all of the unhealthy part of myself to vanish in the air.Like..for such example,when i dont understand something-i get annoyed so easily or when i feel like being alone-i just shut off everyone,distancing myself from my friends,not replying anyone’s text,not socializing,just me there alone inside my room doing my own things.And the guilty feelings of my sucks attitude began to rattle me.I know it’s hard to understand.Neither for me,I don’t understand myself.I’ve been fighting inside and i just hope people can accept me the way i am like just how i am trying to hard to do the same for everyone when for the most of the time i really wish if i was a nicer person,so i won’t complain anything.It does not mean i dont love my friends when i complained for something that i cant accept about them,it just means that i,too hate myself so much for not being able to be okay when someone almost crossed the limit line i’ve drew.But ofcourse,it is my fault at the end of the day,i should have been prepared for the worse-for myself to tolerate with some kind of attitudes that i need to try to understand enough.What did i expect?some kind of only beautiful flowers through the road?no bump on the road or some kind of bad weather that disrupt my journey?uhuh so silly.

For the better and worse.

P/s:i have updated the blog’s background btw...the arrangements were kind of messy idk how to fix the position but i love the graphic designs though.

While writing this entry,i am currently listening to this playlist https://open.spotify.com/user/tomoedia/playlist/7fjwiGse1U6M4l9da5Gl6N

Will probably write up a special entry about the dramas and movie i’m currently watching on the next post!

thank you for scrolling down to read me!

xoxo,A.

For the most of the time when i dont understand the purpose of my sufferings,it's really tiring. -26 september

coeur blessé

basically,

you don’t need to tell a dumb person that they’re dumb.Perhaps,in the moment before you figured the fact out,they knew it already.Little did you know,it hurts them when they know that for the first time,and it’s still hurt when they know it for the second times.Furthermore,it’s unnecessary to tell the people with bad grades that they don’t have a future,because,1000 years ago,before you find it out just to tell us,we knew it already,dude.You think we don’t know,that?you think we aren’t getting affect by that?We do the best and our best is still not the best as everyone else.we’re just human after all.We are weak.We have feelings.We get hurts,eventually,despite the amounts we laugh and smile.Yes,i must admit that the truth is painful.Yet,you don’t need to..You don’t tell a blind man that he can’t see the world anymore,right?

really,nice words cost nothing.

I appreciate more if people could give us some of encouragement ,instead of throwing painful insults in our face.Nice and sincere words won’t kill anyone,right?

they say when people insult you,don’t take it by your heart..and put it away from your head.But i guess i’m just human after all.Couldn’t help.It’s going to bother my head even though I don’t want to think about it,and ruin my days. semoga setiap kesabaran hati-hati yang terluka dan dilukai itu,Tuhan fahami,lalu diberikan ganjaran yang lebih indah di hari esok atas kesabaran dan kelelahan  yang diterima dari dunia yang sementara ini.

“Apakah manusia mengira bahawa mereka akan dibiarkan mengatakan: Kami telah beriman, sedang mereka belum diuji?” (Al-Ankabut:2-3)

Eid Mubarak!

After completing a month of fasting and doing good deeds,a time when every muslim in this world to celebrate our victory has came. (it was already the 8th-eid day after i type out this post #solate ).So like every year,me and my family (except for my dad because he needs to go to the work on the 2nd eid already) spend our first raya at sabak bernam.We arrived at the kampung safely a day before raya.It’s my onyang house.I packed so many snacks together into my luggage because i dont want to be hungry out of no where in kampung..er actually you can say that i have no guts to go inside the kitchen to find any foods,,in my kampung house-everywhere you walk-there is always going to be a people;people sleeping,people playing around #kids ,people playing phone,people people people and being the anti-social me,i just stay in a room that only had my grandma (umi)’s descendant lol do you get what im trying to sayyyyy.Basically,i dont socialize with my other relatives except my aunties and my smol cousins because ey i grew up and I’m so shy now to make a talk or eyecontact or whasoeverrrrr.I’m always the one who’s out of the group and i tend to stuck with my sister.Like everywheeeere we go,we need each other as our company.Sounds annoying but that’s the perks of being shy in the wrong place duh.Don’t be surprised if i told you that we also took a shower together in kampung lmao.We have to use the old bathroom,you know the one that had big kolah in it.For the last few years,for my grandma’s descendant (this phrase sounds weird!!i’m trying to explain everyone who was born starts from my grandma’s family ey),my grandpa already constructed a modern bathroom for our use but unfortunately for this year we had to use the kampung bathroom just like everyone as the modern bathroom was inhabited by the family of bumblebees #notthetransformers and looooooooooots of ants on the floor as if they won’t go away no matter how many we swipe them away....However,in kampung all i did for the 4 days 3 nights is eat,take a shower,take a prayer ( the one thing that i love when you’re far from your home is you only need to qasar/jamak your solat except for subuh),sleep,read a novel and sleep and sleep.No internet fyi.Everyone already got internet data in their own phone.So,yeaaa you can understand how bored i was.No TV too i mean yea there’s a tv but no astro :/ .

On the malam raya,every each of house around the neighbourhood is going to had their own mercun and fireworks.We’ve also had spend our night by watching the beautiful fireworks!

On the 1st eid,my family wore blue colour theme #myrequest #teambiru .We got to wear a customized simple design and all of us look matching gittew.My 1st achievement on that raya morning is the fact that i went to solat hari raya at the mosque.It has been such a long time since i went to solat hari raya (selalunya mengelat je),but for this year,rajin sket.We listen to the takbir raya in various emotions.And my 2nd achievement on that pagi raya is i doooont even cry when bersalam salaman and asking forgiveness from the elders just like last year!!hehehe So,We basically are going on a trip raya-ing at every of our relatives house.Those relatives who aren’t in my onyang’s descendant.To be really honest,I already accept the fact that i may not get any of duit raya for this year because i thought i look old already and people barely see me as someone who’s still in school but i don’t know what did i do in the past but people still handed me duit rayaaa.Sometimes i won’t get it at first but then they’re going to ask me ;“anak siapa ni?” haaa i really don’t know what to answer because it’s nnnnoot like they know my mum’s name.They only know the elders generation name ya know.So we usually address each other like ‘ohh dia ni anak sulung si polan’;’yang ini cucu anak aku yang bongsu laa’ ha gittew.Names aren’t really matter for us.So everytime someone asked me that kind of question,someone else is going to help me and tell them ; ‘yang ni cucu misah!’ and their reaction will be like oooh while handing me the angpao ح ح ح ح ح .

For the 2nd raya,we wore #nudescolour but for this year it starts to be lame as on the morning my mum brought us to raya at her friends house and after that while everyone went to the raya trip after zohor,i just stay at home as my sister had a severe fever and mum had to take care of her and blaah you know i don’t go anywhere at kampung without my sister.fjhjhjhjfhgjhjfhjh i didn’t have a chance to visit those relatives who always got lemang and nice rendang in their house......okay la it’s okay takde rezeki.Perhaps next yearrr.

And on the 3rd raya,we decided to go home already #backtothecity becauseeeeee i want to go home so.Maybe next year we could spend more longer time in kampung. 

Bonus!!

4 o’clock thoughts

 i’m here.

living well,living fine.Yet i lost the idea to define the being okay meaning,I miserably don’t know what is wrong with me.I feel like shutting off the reality around.I don’t want to do anything.Something is wrong with me.I’m totally lost.I must admit that for the most of the time, i just hate myself.I don’t blame the world neither the people around me. Not knowing what is going on inside me-It makes me sick.Something is off with me. I don’t blame everyone who thinks i deserve to feel this way.Nah.I’m breathing but i barely living.I always goes to sleep early this lately.Sometimes I thought-Oh.,maybe i’m just tired of being awake,maybe i just want to forget the pain.But sometimes when I couldn’t sleep,I’m being widely awake.The strange pain feelings that linger around inside me are holding me from getting a sleep.What kind of pain?Man..I have no idea.And i’m tired enough to care..I’m deeply sorry for my behaviour that causes such a lot pf troubles and worries to the people around me.I know i am not the only one who is having a hard time,but still,it didn’t make me feel any better. I almost believe the fact  that I;m only living because i can’t die. At least not yet.

4 YEARS WITH....

okay i literally need to force my ass to write this post as stuffy nose+cough+humid weather is just making me feel like asleep.

So,make a guess who just turns 4 today on 13 JUNE 2017???/?okay let me give you some hints.

This band consists one who is a genius and born philosopher and has beautiful mind and believed to has an IQ of 148,he’s a pride of bangtan and he could speak more than 2 languanges and this person also owns the deepest dimples in the world!He is so good at writing anything that came from his deepest heart and dont be surprised if i told you that he’s also good at breaking things #It’sATalentWhat . We can’t be friends if you don’t find how attractive is this guy.His stage name is Rap Monster.His name is Kim Namjoon.But he loves when people call him moni moni.

Secondly,this band also consists one who has the most broad shoulders in the group,he also eats well and has his own eating show plus his humor sense is unbelievable-he makes dad jokes a lot;like sometimes 3/7 are going to laugh at his jokes or 1/7 or even sometimes he makes himself as his own audience of his puns,oh my but nonetheless after all,a day without his laughter could makes someone’s world less of rainbow,he just graduated this year.And oh,he called himself ad the worldwide handsome guy and...people cant argue tho.His name is Jin.His full name is Kim Seokjin.His friends tease him by sending Ji Sukjin from RM picture to him.

Thirdly...this band is stand from one who seems like a tough guy yet he’s actually is such a soft chamomile milk and honey baby-he doesn’t show his feelings that often but indeed he cares a lot about the people around him and whenever he raps,it feels like he’s slaying everyone using his tounge tbh doesn’t he even take a breath?plus this man gives loooooooots of inspirations to so many people.He writes song and produces songs that is going to touch so many hearts of people;obviously.He loves to sleep a lot and laze around but that doesn’t mean he’s not a hardworking man;he’d always stay up at late night producing songs duh.And that moment when this kumamon lover act like a kid...oh man.His stage name is SUGA.Not SUGAR k.His real name is min yoongi.His rapper name is AGUSTD.

Fourth,there is also this person who is responsible to radiate sunshine with just his existence,he’s well known as the leader of dance as he dances like he has no bones and mayn he’s expert at dancing!!!sometimes people wonder how did he do that?how did he jump and dance like that?he’s just too way amazing at doing what he knows he’s doinggg.And oh yeah this guy always bring together positive vibes with him no matter where he goes.He is the happy vitamins and trust me when i told you how he could be really loud and scream like all of sudden.Oh,dont forget the fact that he also owns the deepppp uppest dimples! #AWH,The name is Jhope.People called him hobi(hope).Real name is Jung Hoseok.. 

Fifth,this band consist of a adult-baby whose his eyes disapper whenever he smile and laughs and-DAMmit his laugher sounds so beautiful and its magic how the sounds of his laughter could be a cure of any diseases.This guy is called mochi because he has the soft heart ever as mochi and he loves to flip his hair/running his fingers through his hair bcs heyy he lowkey knows he’s good looking and hot af eventho he hates admitting it boi he’s really a humble person.This buddy is so talented at dancing,his dancing technique is different than others and whenever he spins around,he managed to turn everyone’s world upside down too.He’s cute.No.He’s the cutest.The MOST CUTE.It’s Jimin a.k.a PARK JIMIN or you can just call him chimchim.

Andddd sixth,there goes this one member in this band who has a really beautiful deep voice.He’s something,for sure.He oftentimes being super extra and he’s a meme!!He loves himself a lot and he always introduce new pimples on his face as his new friend.He loves to eat strawberry.He’s well known as the most devoted and a loving son/grandson.He invents the idea of Gucci and he was a loyal brother of Van Gogh on his past time life.The name is Kim Taehyung.Stage name is V as in victory.Sometimes people just called him tae or taetae.

Anddd the last hint!-this band contains no other than a young man who just became an adult on last year plus he just graduated at the early of this year.He is the youngest one who is almost good at everything and he loves to pick up a fight with his hyungs.He once confessed that he doesnt care if he was having a hard time yet he told-how sad it was to watch his hyungs having such a hard time.AND Never forget the moment when he refuses people to call him oppa.Yet,he’s the forever little sweet baby of everyone.’Ireumeun Jungkook!’.Real name is Jeon Jungkook.Baby name is kookie.

Could you make a guess already?Who just turn 4?????me?my nephew?my cousin?

OH IT IS OUR BELOVED BTS!!!!!

IT IS OBVIOUS MUCH AIGHT HEHEHEHE IT’S BTS 4TH YEAR ANNIVERSARY!

4 YEARS WITH BTS!

Istg when i said no words could decribe how thankful i am for the existence of BTS in my life,I really mean it.To witness the growth of bangtan would be such a honour in my life.It’s going to take a long many words if you asked me to describe and tell a story about my life and BTS.I feel like i can already make a book to tell how precious is BTS.Back then at the olf times,I’m sure there’s also must be a moment when they’d always feel like giving up but they don’t.The prove is-here BTS is.Here goes BTS nominating the world today.They managed to start from the bottom then go to the top-achieved so many goals,so many achievements they have made.Indeed,I’d still remember their first win ever on 5 May 2015 in the HYYH(I Need You)era.And it’s still fresh on my mind how I really cried when BTS won their first MAMA award.And not to forget the recent one,when they won the billboard award.Army says it’s because of the hardwork of bangtan.But bangtan says otherwises.I guess that’s it,we take care of each other and thank each other.We depend on each other a lot.Indeed,Armys will always going to be with bangtan,love bangtan and support bangtan in all circumstances until the end of the day.BTS has gave us so much that sometimes i’d always feel bad.I’d always feel sorry  when BTS can’t even have the normal human life-having people following them around all the time,when people see them as perfectionist,when people throw hatred at them-when they got hurt because of that;It hurts.I could do nothing but watch from the far and just wish for the best.Gah.I talked too much.

Thank you Bangtan for everything that you have done for us.Thank you for creating the best and cool music for the people.Thank you for existing.Thank you for trusting Armys.Thank you for not giving up.Thank you for motivating us to become better on every each day.Thank you and thank you and thank you so much.We love you,bangtan-every each of 7 of you guys; even many more and more everyday.Please take care of your health!!dont!get!sick!

Bangtan deserves nothing but happiness

until the end of the day,let’s fly high upon the sky with our beautiful wings together.

oh babies i wonder what would i do right now if i dont have you guys in my life

you never walk alone,Bangtan.

Reflect on this: Sometimes we lose hope in turning to God and asking for His help because we feel like we have done too much wrong. And yet think of a child who has just angered his mother and immediately after trips and falls on the stairs. Even if that child had just angered his mother to tears, the moment he falls and cries for help, she runs to him. This is human mercy. And God is infinitely more merciful than a mother is to her child. So, do you think—no matter what you’ve done—when you’re falling and cry out to the *most* merciful…He wouldn’t come save you?

Yasmin Mogahed (via heartheraindrops—fall)

Seorang ulama mengatakan, “Jika Allah tidak suka kepada seseorang, maka Allah memberinya tiga hal da menghalanginya dari tiga hal. Pertama, Allah memberi dia teman yang saleh, namun dirinya tidak menjadi orang saleh. Kedua, Allah memberi dia amal saleh, namun dia tidak ikhlas menjalankannya. Ketiga, Allah memberi dia hikmah, namun dia tidak mempercayainya.

(via rozizarina)

banyak dah nampak orang macam tu depan mata. Berkawan dgn org soleh, berguru dgn guru yg hebat..tp dirinya ..Astaghfirullah..

Moga Allah pelihara kita semua dari tergolong org sedemiikian. Ameen.

(via alwanizolkifli)

Kau tahu kenapa Allah wajibkan solat? Tak. Kenapa? Sebab bila solat, kita akan berdoa selepas usai solat dan doa tu salah satu cara kita ketuk pintu Allah. Kalau kita tak solat, belum tentu kita berdoa. Dan bila kita tak berdoa, sudah tentu kita tak mengetuk pintu Allah.

(via lompatsetinggimungkin)

If you’re an introvert, follow @introvertunites​​​.

Part 2:NOTE TO SELF/صَبْرٌ

 When i was typing this part 2 post,it’s already 1 Ramadan 1438 hijrah to be exact.How fast time is flying i must say.It’s also the end of May and we’re getting into June just in a few days.Oh no.

School holidays for 2 weeks are also starting,but trust me it aint feelin’ like holiday with extra classes,tuition,assignments and homeworks.

However,that’s okay.I’m used to it already.Smol matter lah *smiles*

um so in conjunction with this holy month..what’s your goals?what do you want to achieve for this 30 months?Improving yourself to become a better person?how?Remember that Iblees and Syaitan are already being locked in hellfire,so do ask yourself what is holding you from implementing the good deeds? #NoteToSelf ,it would be nice if we could takes this chance to get closer to our Creator.

For me,my goals for this Ramadan is i want to become more patient in every situation.The little good deeds that i’m doing,i want to keep doing it for a long time.Allah is going to give us a test in various ways.Plus,it’s Ramadan!I’m sure Allah wants to give us multiple rewards when we do good.And also when we keep being patient in any situation that test our petience.Being those who are patient definitely isn’t going to be easy.However,if we bear in our mind that we always do have Allah swt,In Syaa Allah- everything will be ease for us.He’s going to help us as Allah is The Most Gracious, Most merciful.

We are a sinner.And we can always come back to Him.We can always ask for forgiveness from Allah.Who says you can only pray if you’re a saint?who says you can only come back to His path only if you;re a pious?One tips that i have to always remind myself is-no matter how bad i am,no matter how many sins i’ve commit,no matter how lazy i am,no matter how people are judging;”ala nak solat buat apa kalau perangai engko macam setan”-dont ever leave your 5 times a day prayers.Ignore what people says.The 5 times a day prayer is your connection with Allah.It’s only between you and Allah.And through the prayer,by doing it slowly,so many good things are going to follow behind you.Think of it as one of your effort to get closer to Allah.Talk to Him,ask Him and tell Him everything that you want.Allah is The Listener.Your heart is going to be peaceful because then you realize no matter how big is your problem,you always have Allah swt The Almighty.

And i think it’s quite silly whenever i thought Allah doesn’t love me because I’m having lots of hard times with my life.But then if He doesn’t love me,why He’s still giving me chance to repent & do good?why He’s still giving me air to breath,food to eat,house to live..why does Allah still sends message through various way to me to alert me of how far i am from His path-if He hates me?And someone has told me on twitter that it was quite nice when Allah give us a test,because it shows how Allah do look at us who is as small as particles-us,hamba yang paling hina.

And again,this is only a note to myself.I’m far from being a good person.I am obviously la and definitely are not except in doing sins.I’m trying slowly to improve myself become better on every each day.It’s not easy.But we can always try slowly.Allah faham.

ramadan mubarak,guys!May Allah bless you.

xoxo,

the nobody A.

The Prophet (sal Allahu alayhi wa sallam) said: “Allah, Blessed and Exalted is He, says, ‘O son of Adam, as long as you call on Me, I shall forgive you of what you have done, and think nothing of it. O son of Adam, even if your sins were to reach up to the clouds in the sky, and then you were to ask for My forgiveness, I would forgive you and think nothing of it. O son of Adam, even if you were to come to Me with sins nearly as great as the earth, and then you were to meet Me after death, not worshipping anything besides Me, I would bring you forgiveness nearly as great as the earth.’” [Tirmidhi]

Part 1: Do things you want vs I have to do things I don’t want

안녕하세요!

i was supposed to write a new post a long time ago,perhaps before my mid-year exam started(it’s already over for now) but unfortunately i have this really serious procrastination disease and yea i ended up delaying every tasks i should have done....bruh.

It was on 22 May where this precious moment happened.Oh my.I’ve enough of crying but my eyes were still able to sweat.BTS won the Top Social Artist award on Billboard.They were doooooing so amazing,hey?I am so proud for bangtan and i dont think i’ll ever stop being proud and happy for them even when i’m getting 30,40 soon.They worked so hard for this.And the united of ARMY.And when you combined both of those important things together,bAd4b0M miracles do happened for those who never gave up.To every BTS haters plus those ‘powerful’ people who says bangtan couldn’t do it,now what you say?

BTS is being one of the obvious example for me,if you want something-you go get it.No one could tell you what’s the best or what’s aint the best for you.People have no right to tell you that the dreams you’re having today-is just an illusion.Everything is possible as long as you don’t easily give up in working hard for your goals.You don’t have a dream?Hey,wanting a big house,a pretty clothes.travelling around the earth-That’s a dream too!Set for a little goal.Even it was just a ‘little’,you’re going to make it bigger someday.Don’t mind what people say #NoteToSelf . At the end of the day,the only person you’re going to have is,yourself.You’re the one who’s going to live it.Not your family.Not your parents.Neither your teacher.Have courage.Be brave to say no to things you dislike #NoteToSelf.One day when i have kids in the future,I don’t want them to be like me.Doing things that even I don’t understand why i have to do this?why i have to walk on the path that i don’t like?Perhaps,one day God is going to reveal why.It’s like the world norm,we’re not going to always get everything that we wanted.Maybe because we deserve something way more better,who knows?Allah knows better than everyone.

(out of topic?out of topic.)

i’m going to pick an inspirational sayings of Hanis Zalikha ; which has opened a little bit of my mind this recently when some bad things happened and i questioned myself why it has to happened to me;

‘takpelah.Nak buat macam mana.Dah Allah aturkan macam tu,kita tinggal cari solution dia jelah’

part 1 ended.

Because I thought maybe it's going to be less hurt if I didn't take the serious things too serious.I love to pretend,pretending as if the painful things were just some stupid prank.I want to think that everything is just fine right now.So I don't have to worry a day without you tomorrow.

it’s here!

is it just me or yoongi really l00ks like wendy from RV in this pic? #nom’notfanofredvelvet 

this one is personally my fav pieces and oh i didn’t notice yoongi at the stairs-probably i noticed him when i scanned this pic for twice

hobi is so handsome what can i say more???????he says he’s not perfect when he already is

namjoonie’s dimples looked so REAL AND VIRTUAL I FEEL LIKE POKE-uh oke

 Received on March but i only got time to post it now

I love love LOVE AND WILL ALWAYS LOVE THE FRESH ALBUM SMELLS

I love the pink ver more but i like the another ver as well!

new beautiful posters added up on my bedroom wall (definitely another reason to talk to the wall)

the standee was nice too

wait i feel like sniffing the photobook smells agai-/sniffs anyway/

m’never regret wasting money on albums

bangtan’s albums make me happy

bonus!!!!!

happy fluffy squishy cutie lil min suga genius jjangjjang byeongbyeong

힘내?

Oh.

It’s already April.

It has been awhile.

Nothing great happened this recently.Just me living up my everyday by doing the same routine everyday.I have to keep breathing and breathing to make sure that I’m still going to be alive.I hate living,honestly if someone asked me.But it doesn’t mean that I want to die either.I don’t want to die.The idea of dying scares me.What’s going to happen next when I died?As much as i hate living,i am totally not ready to die.I’ve seen and heard young people died.I’ve seen young people getting various disease as if they’ve live long enough.Just by imagining me living with the kidney failure-need to get dialysis every week or just by imagining myself getting cancer because of my life diet,it terrifies me a lot.Maybe,that is going to explain ‘why’ if you see me drinking water at every 10 minutes HAHA kidding.Therefore,I have to always remind myself to never ask more but be thankful and grateful for having a healthy body.

um AHA if i can’t die,it does mean that i have to keep living la,right?God..Help..Life is sucks.Nothing comes easy for me since I was a kid.Well I’m sure I’m not alone.Everyone has been with their own struggle too.But as day by day comes,I began to start panic for everything.I literally have no clue about my future.I really really want to get into a nice university and then have a good career and gain money so i can buy cute outfit,cute stationary,bouquet of babybreath every weekends,hang out around aesthethic places and eat nice foods wihtout worrying how much it costs and heck i want to go travel around the world until i have no time to go back to my own country???aren’t those things were just so freaking nice?I want to be free,ofcourse.I don’t want to keep stuck doing endless work everyday that it’s going to feel like are you living to work or work to live?

Yet,my exam result is NAAAAAAh.I don’t know,dude.I mean,everything is not fine as if they’re really fine but it was totally fine like ok i got it i know what i have to do to improve.I’m okay because I am satisfied anough i do a few of preparations before the exam. But sadly it’s not fine when it goes to physics and never going to be fine for addmath.I don’t understand physics,peers.Look,it’s nice that physics explain every theory on what’s happening around us but ???????????????? everytime my teacher was teaching in the physics class,i only find myself nodding at whatever i-dont-know-what-she’s-talkinhg-about-someone-hELP and sometimes i almost doze to sleep zzz.While in addmath class,oh how i wish i had any superpower to do that stupid  nonsense problem solving question or it’s going to be lots helping if i can just vanish into the thin air whenever it’s addmath period smh.NAAAAAooooowwwhkay whatever lets move on.

hey,i was wondering if any chemistry teacher in this world has issues with me?like seriously last week we’ve got changed into our new chemist class and i really hope someone is going to give a detail explanation to me on why i am the only one who got SEPERATE with my friends and WHY am i the only one who got into group 1 class among my friends.Does the universe hates me that much?The universe really really loves to make me hate learning chemistry.I was just planning to start a new chapter and learn chemistry in the peace without any pressure and tension.The class was fine to be honest.I have a good friends there too and the teacher who is teaching was kind too.I don’t want to boost up but really in fact,if someone sends me to somewhere odd,I’m pretty sure i could survive after all.It’s just that there’s somebody in the class that i want to avoid.Somebody that i am not comfortable to be around with.Somebody that used to talk a lot with me but now we’ve stop talking. yeah,we don’t talk anymore like we used to do. SIGh.Life really don’t go well as we planned,right?

If today we’re at our highest,don’t forget that any time soon tomorrow there’ll be time we’re going to fall and be at our lowest.If today we wonder when it’s going to be our time,here i’m telling you-soon,baby,it’s coming ahead you just don’t see it.Everything is about the timing.We’re going to be success if we work hard.But the result may not be as fast as you wanted.There’s a timing.Maybe you can’t get what you wanted today,because who knows if you get something better in the upcoming 10 years soon.In order to be a success man,you have to know what it feels like to fall and fail for many times.When the moment comes for you to become who you should be,then only you would know that it’s going to be alright after this because you’ve faced the taste of failure so many times.Nothing is going to scare you anymore.Step harder,little moon.Then only you could shines the night better.

xoxo,A.