ltcmdrdax
lived seven lifetimes
there are some things in life you can't control
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TO KNOW WHO YOU ARE . . . IT’S IMPORTANT TO KNOW WHO YOU’VE BEEN
jadzia dax of star trek deep space nine. LTCMDRDAX. by zanza.
* non-roleplay blogs don’t reblog.
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the continued lack of jadzia references is fucking criminal thanks
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colnerys:
Kira nerys never knew the feeling of missing a person so much that it felt as if there was a hole in her chest. perhaps, it was because she had grown used to that dull ache of hearing different names of people from her resistance cell killed in action —— ironic how the crybaby of singha lost the ability to shed tears during the later years of the occupation. that is, until she’s lost opaka in the gamma quadrant years ago. it was as if that gaping hole carved itself wide open, the pain impossible to ignore as her soul begged for mercy. for the first time she felt alive and kira was haemorrhaging emotions from her chest.
but she’s never loved like that —— at least not the type of love that the federation tongue would describe as the ultimate form of all loves. when she watches furel and lupaza, kira often wondered when she would find someone like how they found each other. yet, as she’s grown older, more weary and tired from the body counts that kept piling behind her emaciated frame —— nerys knew no one can take a look at her bloodied hands and decide she’s worth the love. yet, when she realized her budding feelings for dax, it was as if her heart beat for the first time in a way that felt alive.
so nerys listens, her eyes trembling at the sight before her. gently, she reaches out and take dax’s two hands into her own before offering an affirmative squeeze. “ No, it’s not. it’s not ridiculous. you love her, you always will —— a-and that’s okay! you don’t have to feel ashamed ‘cuz you miss her — ” in some ways, her words sound like a passionate plea, accentuated with her tightening grip against the trill’s hands. “ Love isn’t a limited resource, jadzia — and no government — NOBODY — can take that away from you. ”
she can’t go home. chances are she’ll never see lenara again. jadzia feels torn apart — her knowledge of the darker side of the symbiosis commission, their lack of willingness to admit to any of it, joran, curzon, losing nemmi, finding lenara again only to lose her... again, her feelings for nerys in conflict with the feelings she’s sure she’ll forever harbor toward kahn. she’s torn in so many ways, so many places, and sometimes it seems reasonable to believe it’d be irreparable.
then she looks at kira nerys and everything she’s endured; all the horrors she’s fought through only to come through the fire with so much strength, so much faith, so much love... and jadzia can’t help but feel guilty. it’s irrational, she knows, because she can perfectly imagine how her girlfriend would respond to such a feeling but that doesn’t make it stop.
it doesn’t suddenly make jadzia’s problems seem any less trivial.
when kira takes her hands, jadzia’s brow furrows as she looks up. it’s not ridiculous. the reassurance is one that instinct tells her to push back against; but the trill swallows it down as her teary gaze remains locked on those sincere, warm, loving brown eyes. “you’re really something incredible, nerys. i... wow, i don’t know how to... to express how much warmth your presence in my life brings me, but it’s there, and it’s significant. thank you,”
#∞ ‖ colnerys / 009 ⦈#colnerys#∞ ‖ v: at the mouth at the wormhole / ds9 ⦈#∞ ‖ a: rising tensions / season four ⦈#boy i'm rUSTY but it's fine
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TO KNOW WHO YOU ARE . . . IT’S IMPORTANT TO KNOW WHO YOU’VE BEEN
jadzia dax of star trek deep space nine. LTCMDRDAX. by zanza.
* non-roleplay blogs don’t reblog.
#as i told gany i'm gonna do some worm dumbass things today sO#∞ ‖ zanza cinematic universe / self promo ⦈
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Send 🌿 to accidentally get caught under the mistletoe with my muse.
#ngl she will very likely kiss anyone who sends this so if you wanna send it but just want awkward or something pls specify that!#∞ ‖ a collection of my favorite klingon operas / ask meme ⦈
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PESTER (SELECTIVE) DAX HOSTS!
UNPROMPTED, always accepting.
@colnerys said: 'm sorry for making out with ur widow, torias 😶
“i can’t find it in me to be upset at that. if it’s not me, someone should be kissing her,”
#colnerys#∞ ‖ the test pilot / torias dax ⦈#icb i really answered this semi seriously instead of goin with a shitpost vibe
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❅ ZANZABUG COMMISSIONS: WINTER GIVEAWAY.
the semester’s ending and i’m hoping to get back into commissions! in order to raise awareness of my blog having moved, i’d like to do a little giveaway!
❅ RULES.
must be following @zanzabug!
one like and one reblog will count as one entry each
commissioning will earn an extra entry
should you win, you can keep the prize for yourself or gift it to someone else
don’t unfollow after the giveaway, that’s rude and will disqualify you from any future giveaways
don’t enter if you’re someone who has a problem with me
❅ PRIZES.
FIRST PRIZE.
one individual will win a BLOG PACK + CUSTOM CARRD + 1 YEAR OF CARRD PRO.
SECOND PRIZE.
a second individual will win a CUSTOM CARRD + 1 YEAR OF CARRD PRO + A DASHTHEME.
THIRD PRIZE.
a third individual will win a CUSTOM CARRD + 1 YEAR OF CARRD PRO.
❅ the giveaway will end DECEMBER 14TH, good luck! ❅
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does curzondax have onlyfans
i hate you and this so much and the answer would fully be yes and it's the worst gany get away from mE
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hey, ‘sup
#it's been a thousand years since i've been on jadzia#and one of the reasons i'm here now is to sigh heavily#∞ ‖ human disaster / zanza speaks ⦈
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colnerys:
her girlfriends arms around her melts any remaining ice away, a sob torn from deep in jadzia’s chest to accompany the tears that are already falling. a part of her had genuinely expected nerys to leave anyway, to be too angry to stay, and she wouldn’t be wrong to, would she? no. no, there’s plenty of justification, but she stayed… she stayed, and that’s only part of why the trill’s crying.there’s a hurt deeper than anything her injuries had carried with them, there’s no denying that. she’s broken, that’s all there is to it. the question now is whether or not there’s any part of this that’s able to be fixed.
jadzia doesn’t know how long it’s been before the sobs slow enough that she can get any words out. even then, her breath trembles, catches in her throat, a pain in her lungs, in her ribcage, extending deep into her heart.
in the beginning she’d thought nothing could hurt quite as badly as that initial attack, but then she’d lost dax... she’d lost dax, and life has been excruciating ever since. even the pain as she fights to breathe now is nothing compared to that, and somehow that feels so strange.maybe it’s the fact that to lose your symbiont and continue living is something that’s truly unfathomable for any joined trill. to protect the symbiont is... it’s everything, because what’s the point otherwise?
that’s exactly what she’s struggled to determine, and that benjamin had left as well seems only fitting, somehow.
so, she weeps, and her ribs ache, but what’s that pain but truly minor? so completely minor when every part of her hurts so entirely.
what she hasn’t realized until... until just moments ago is the fact that nerys manages to make it hurt just a little less. even a little less suffering is something to be grateful for in the midst of every part of her that aches, that lashes out, that seems to exist only in anger and... ha, in pain.
jadzia’s always been stubborn though, hasn’t she? not all of that was dax. she was the first trill in the planet’s history to be accepted again as a candidate for joining after being rejected, after all, that’s got to take some serious degree of stubbornness, doesn’t it?
the sobs don’t subside as she turns in nerys’ arms to bury her face in the bajoran’s shoulder, holding to her as if she’s all that’s keeping jadzia remotely steady. it’s only a moment before it occurs to her that it’s true.
“i just…” she swallows hard before drawing in a shaky breath, “i don’t know how to do this, nerys, i don’t know how to… to move forward, or make this better, o-or anything. i want you here, i just don’t want you to realize you hate this version of me on top of everything else, i don’t think i could take that,”
the helpless sobs that tears from jadzia’s throat elicits an emphatic response from kira. she can’t remember when the last time she’s seen jadzia this helpless and it seems as if being and feeling helpless is all that kira’s capable of nowadays. face burying deeper against the crook of her neck, tears trickling from her own eyes as the anguish burns her and nerys realizes that there’s nothing she can do to remedy this. it’s a valiant effort to bury any sounds or indication that she too, is feeling pain and loss — oh emissary… captain… benjamin … what do i do? so she holds on tighter, feeling every tremor, every shiver, every breath that hitches, and every stream of air that hiccups as jadzia tries to explain herself.
prophets got a sense of irony. how is it fair to either of them to finally realize what’s been in front of them all this time — to finally understand the gaping hole in her chest every time kira kissed another man when all she needed to do was to reflect internally for one second to comprehend that she doesn’t like men.
bajorans don’t believe in marriage like earthlings do. there’s no need for a grand ceremony, only for the two and the prophets to bear witness. it’s the joining of two or more flames burning, creating a singularly unique union so when they find themselves amongst the prophets, the prophets will know who they are.
and that longwinded explanation was exactly how she was going to explain it to jadzia dax. but then dukat came and ripped apart the woman she loves and now nothing makes sense anymore.
yet, in spite of all this uncertainty … her love for the prophets, for jadzia is clear. those are the only true things in her life right now — so to hear jadzia even fathom the idea of nerys hating any version of her? it feels preposterous.
so, she pulls away from her shoulders and tilts her head upwards, one hand coming to cup her lover’s face. brown eyes lock with the trill’s, an obsidian conviction before kira finally swallows harshly. “ i could never hate you. ever. i love you — as dax, as you … any version of you, ” kira reassures, her words thick with emotions. “ i love you so, so, so much. ”
her grip on nerys is firm, there’s no mind paid to the fact that it might be too much — in her mind there’s a knowledge that the woman beside her is all that’s holding her steady. there’s no way kira minds, is there? when the gaping emptiness in her very soul feels a little smaller just because jadzia’s not alone?
slowly her sobs slow and the stinging in her eyes becomes all the more prominent... not that it’s a pain she notes as being truly significant. it’s just like the ache in her chest — minor when compared to the fact that dax’s absence is all-consuming.
kira’s hand on her face, their eyes meeting in a moment of tenderness that’s so unexpected — in sheer contrast to the argument that’d raged only a moment prior. jaw trembles even as jadzia keeps it as tight as possible, a fresh wave of tears gathering in her eyes before running over. even as she fights to steady her breathing head tilts to the side, regarding nerys fondly before pressing a light kiss to her lips.
it’s brief and as she backs up and gazes at kira with a mix of incredulous gentility. “are you sure about that? i... i’m no good to anyone anymore,”
#colnerys#∞ ‖ don’t be fooled by a pretty face / writing ⦈#∞ ‖ colnerys / 006 ⦈#∞ ‖ a: a ghost of herself / season seven ⦈#∞ ‖ v: at the mouth at the wormhole / ds9 ⦈#long post //#there fixed
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star trek ladies out of uniform: jadzia dax
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colnerys:
“ Surprise … ” Kira’s voice hoarse and strained, the aches across her body never stop blooming from joint to joint, from extremity to extremity. still, she musters the sweetest smile she can before attempting to sit upwards. a hand accidentally shifts towards her abdomen and she is once again shocked, to realize that there’s another life inside of her, dependent on her to survive. “ I’m pregnant —— i hope you’re not gonna hold it against me … f-for carryin’ someone else’s child. ”
a pained chuckle escapes Kira’s mouth whilst she winces, silently chiding the unborn infant for kicking at her so hard —— for the love of kosst! you just moved in ‘n you’re already wreaking havoc in your new place! can’t ya calm down o-or meditate or somethin’! taking @ltcmdrdax‘s hand, Kira presses the soft, warm, and familiar palm against the bump. “ He just moved here ‘n he’s already wrecking the place! you feel that?! ”
the news of trouble aboard the shuttle had sent waves of panic through her, though it hadn’t been an option to show it at the time. of course, she’s not wholly restrained and she’d come running for the infirmary the second she could. to hear that she’d need a moment to process had been as terrifying as the initial news... before the reassurance that kira’s alright, but even then it’d only shifted to annoyance at the fact that no one had offered any sufficient explanation, insisting that she wait to see kira. that she’d understand when she saw kira.
...well this... ha, this isn’t anything close to what she’d imagined would await her.
“i’ve... seen plenty of strange things in my time, but i can’t say anything like this is on the list. i mean, i’ve heard stories of similar occurrences, but firsthand...?” she just shakes her head before sitting on the very edge of the biobed, a hand on kira’s knee. “i’d never hold it against you, nerys, it’s a noble thing... to save keiko and the baby, it’s noble.” jadzia smiles softly, if not tentatively, as her girlfriend moves her hand to rest on her belly. “i did feel that,” she laughs lightly, “looks like he’s healthy at least, that’s good.” she pauses briefly, “i’m sorry, it’ll take me a minute to really wrap my head around this, but i promise i’m not upset,”
#colnerys#∞ ‖ don’t be fooled by a pretty face / writing ⦈#∞ ‖ colnerys / 010 ⦈#∞ ‖ v: at the mouth at the wormhole / ds9 ⦈#pregnancy //#pregnancy cw#omg is this 10? iconic
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𝐌𝐈𝐃𝐍𝐈𝐆𝐇𝐓𝐒 ( 𝐏𝐀𝐑𝐓 𝐓𝐖𝐎 )
part two of prompts pulled from taylor swift’s newest album, midnights. a few prompts might have been split up to make more sense in a rp sense, but most remain unchanged. enjoy <3
𝐌𝐈𝐃𝐍𝐈𝐆𝐇𝐓
i wanted that pain.
he wanted a bride.
he stayed the same.
my town was a wasteland.
i broke his heart ‘cause he was nice.
i guess sometimes we all get just what we wanted.
he never thinks of me, except for when i’m on tv
i guess sometimes we all get some kind of haunted.
i never think of him, except on midnights like this.
𝐐𝐔𝐄𝐒𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍…?
we had one thing going on.
i swear that it was something.
i don’t remember who i was before you.
i just may like some explanations.
can i ask you a question?
did you ever have someone kiss you in a crowded room?
what did you do?
did you leave her house in the middle of the night?
did you wish you’d put up more of a fight?
do you wish you could still touch her?
it’s just a question!
i just may like to have a conversation.
you’re still with her?
that’s nice, i’m sure that’s what’s suitable.
𝐕𝐈𝐆𝐈𝐋𝐀𝐍𝐓𝐄 𝐒𝐇𝐈𝐓
draw the cat eye sharp enough to kill a man.
you did some bad things, but i’m the worst of them.
sometimes i wonder which one will be your last lie.
they say looks can kill, and i might try.
lately i’ve been dressing for revenge.
i don’t start shit, but i can tell you how it ends.
don’t get sad. get even.
she needed cold hard proof, so i gave her some.
where you think she got it from?
picture me thick as thieves with your ex-wife.
she looks so pretty, driving in your benz.
she don’t start shit, but she can tell you how it ends.
ladies always rise above.
ladies know what people want.
the lady simply had enough
he was doing lines, and crossing all of mine.
someone told his white collar crimes to the fbi.
i’m on my vigilante shit again.
𝐁𝐄𝐉𝐄𝐖𝐄𝐋𝐄𝐃
i think i’ve been a little too kind.
didn’t notice you walkin’ all over my peace of mind.
putting someone first only works when you’re in their top five.
by the way, i’m going out tonight.
when i walk in the room, i can still make the whole place shimmer
familiarity breeds contempt.
i polish up real nice.
i think i’ve been too good of a girl.
did all the extra credit, then got graded on a curve.
i think it’s time to teach some lessons.
i made you my world, have you heard?
you can try to change my mind, but you might have to wait in line.
𝐋𝐀𝐁𝐘𝐑𝐈𝐍𝐓𝐇
it only hurts this much right now.
i’ll be getting over you my whole life.
you know how scared i am of elevators.
uh oh, i’m falling in love.
oh no, i’m falling in love again.
i thought the plane was going down…
how’d you turn it right around?
you would break your back to make me break a smile.
you know how much i hate that everybody just expects me to bounce back.
everybody just expects me to bounce back.
you know how much i hate it.
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JADZIA DAX ➤ STAR TREK: DEEP SPACE NINE, 4x23, hair appreciation.
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anyway it’s less than a year between facets and revenant (where jadzia finds out what Actually happened to joran) and for some reason that really hurts me
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SISKO/JORAN
You're lucky... they took the symbiont from me before I had the chance to have my zhian'tara...
There's a resentment in Joran as he says this... but he composes himself, continues in his calm manner...
SISKO/JORAN
What do you think of your previous hosts... ? I'm sure they're an impressive group...
DAX
Yes... they are...
Sisko/Joran steps closer... he's now just a few feet away from her...
SISKO/JORAN
You're a very pretty girl, Jadzia... very pretty...
Dax takes the compliment in without comment... Sisko/Joran's voice suddenly goes cold...
SISKO/JORAN
But unfortunately that's all you are... compared to Lela, Torias or myself, you're nothing. A pretender. You must realize that by now.
DAX
You don't know anything about me...
SISKO/JORAN
Only what I can see. A little girl who's not worthy of the noble creature nestled inside her... you're overwhelmed by it... you're in over your head.
Though Dax tries not to show it, his words cut deep. Sisko/Joran let's out a short, bitter laugh...
SISKO/JORAN
There's only one hope for you, Jadzia... and that's me... my strength is within you... you don't have to be afraid of it...
DAX
I'm not.
SISKO/JORAN
Then use it... let me show you how to use it... (a whisper) Lower the forcefield...
Their eyes lock...
SISKO/JORAN
Lower it, and you'll never be afraid of anything ever again...
Dax holds his look, after a beat...
DAX
No...
#vic reads ds9 scripts.#gOD this hurts#∞ ‖ the musician / joran dax ⦈#∞ ‖ it’s my job to have a better idea / character study ⦈
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