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hey just so you know, i healed from a lot of what’s mentioned here. i don’t ever want to lead anyone down the hole i was in. you can get better and its okay if its a long process. i wish it wasn’t said to the point of being a cliche, but time truly does heal all wounds, even inner ones.
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u rang
"TRAUMA JOCKEY"
girl who bleeds.
(mila | 25)
photos/videos:
search tag "traumajockey" "me" "self" etc (links in this post's tags)
donate to the cause:
cashapp $anoxia | venmo @lobotomy
taken (captive) by Dante @voidshaman :)
- banned, was mkultra/blacksitewhore/traumajockey/autonecrophilia
- self: /tagged/traumajockey
wishlists:
- https://www.amazon.com/hz/wishlist/ls/9YD59I5LQH9J?ref_=wl_share
- https://throne.me/u/trauma
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people actually responding to my posts on here now it must be the twitter migrants. anyways: don’t take shit i say here seriously bc i cannot reply from this account and i hate to let yall think you’ve won.
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i don’t “check” on people like i used to. i don’t need to anymore. i don’t stop myself from wearing things or dyeing my hair certain colors because i feel they “belong” to certain people. i think i’ve been so scared lately because i finally broke out of my little chrysalis of delusion. it feels scary when the worlds too real. i like to live in my little fantasy world, but there’s good things in the outside as well.
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i know i just have to let it pass over me, but i always think i’ll never feel this way again. i wish i was capable of holding onto all my progress, but i know i will be okay.
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i wish i was bold enough to be trashy without shame. not the toxic, angry screaming in public, throwing bottles at people trashy, but the harmless things that society has told us are trashy. like tramp stamps, certain piercings, fishnets, short shorts. its just a shame that people get judged for things that aren’t hurting anyone. i wish i didn’t have such a deep internalized bias. i’m working to rid myself of it but its not an overnight process. i have small tattoos, some piercings, and pink hair, but i feel like people judge me all the time. i’ve come a long way from where i used to be though and i think i need to just let myself go and not worry. if people think i’m trashy, who cares? its not their body.
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maybe ants have little hopes. they hope that maybe today someone will drop something sweet on the ground, because they’ve been living off of bread crumbs for awhile and they’ve grown quite tired of it. maybe they dream that they’re seven feet tall, and they can simply reach their feelers out into the pantry instead of having to climb. perhaps they wish they could be the queen, spending her days feeding and breeding, all while not having to move a single antenna. of course, then we come along, big meandering things, and all those tiny little hopes and dreams and wishes dissipate under the weight of our shoes. they mean nothing to us, but they meant everything to the ants.
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the love of my life is downstairs making us breakfast right now. i never thought i’d have anything this wonderful. i’m glad i have someone like him to exist alongside. i’m so happy that i’m still here.
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i called my friend tonight (shes an online friend that i’ve known since 2016) and we both had such a good time. we talked for like three hours and it was really nice. i’m so happy and thankful for the moments like these where i feel like a human.
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the greatest strength that i have ever known lies in my understanding and my forgiveness, for both myself and others. kindness is truly the most powerful force in existence. our capacity to love and be loved is what makes us alive.
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every bald man i see is billy corgan
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life is too short to abide by social cues and only do what is considered normal and acceptable
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someone reblogged this so i thought now would be a good time to say: my head no longer feels like this. i still have my moments, but most of the time i am happy or at least content. i promise, it’ll happen for you too
a vent collage i made today out of magazine clippings. this is what the inside of my head looks like.
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my boyfriend got me this dress for my birthday and i’m so happy! i want to wear dresses more this summer bc i’ve always felt like i’m not “allowed to” wear things that are frilly and girly but now i don’t care and i’m wearing what makes me happy
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i think its hot and sexy when a man cleans
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trigger warning: weight mention (in context of recovery though)
i’ve been ignoring the scale and trying to eat without thinking so much about it, because i realized i made myself nervous by trying to eat the highest calorie foods possible. lately i’ve just been eating something whenever i feel hungry, and not caring what it is. anyways, that being said, i’ve gained about ten pounds from my lowest weight and its amazing bc i just look and feel healthier than i was.
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