So I'm pissed off for many reasons right now and they all are my parents.

1) My dad told me a few weeks ago we could get me a new phone because mine doesn't work abd he told me that weekend. Find"t happen. Last week he told me this weekend. Didn't happen and now it's Monday and he said he would after he got my mom from work at 4, but apparently was being all bitchy about me to my mom because I asked him at 2 to go (I asked at 1). Hopefully tomorrow, but who fucking knows at this point.

2) Both my parents always disregard my siblings medical issues until it's a big issue. My sibling just got over strep throat last week after having for over a week because "they seemed fine and I don't get why their staying home" said our dad. Also when they finally got meds, it had 30% amoxicillin which they are allergic to and our parents were just told watch them when they take it and make sure they feel ok. 20 minutes later their ichy and their throat feels weird. Parents did nothing and it luckily went away. Now they fucked up their finger and parents 2obt take them to the doctor so I'm left being a fucking doctor again and making and a splint from med tape and popsicle sticks. I even made a joke about "being 1 step from a med degree" because of how much I have to repair whatever issue my sibling has because I love them and actually take care of them.

3) Our mom broke my sibling ice pack from school and had whatever chemical leak on her and still decided to keep the ice pack.

4) I just so fucking sick of all the shit my dad says about me behind my back to my mom who then tells me about. But I know he's never cared about me ever. He's made it very clear that none of my opinions matter to him or that my well-being matters at all. He's a fucking control freak, but has given up on fighting me because I will just argue and yell. He also doesn't believe in mental health and thinks that I got all the "crazy" from my grandma that he hated right up until she first got cancer and has tried to use her against me even though she died 8 years ago. He says she wouldn't approve of LGBTQ+ people even though she was one of the only people that should me unconditional love.

5) My mom tried to guilt trip me and my sibling and when I tell her she doesn't even realise. She tries to make us feel bad and she always says that shes a bad parent because she's never around, but that's not what gets me. It's that fact she lets my dad say shit about me, she does nothing if anyone gets in a fight, she comes home from work and wants nothing to do with anyone. That's what gets me, not that she gone, but when she's here she wants nothing to do with us. At least that's what it feels like from inside my head. She's always shocked when she gets reminded that a lot of my issues came from my fucked up childhood. Constant fighting between my parents, me and my parents, my dad and grandma. It's was literally everyone that was close to me always fucking fighting. I have vivid memories of a fight between my dad and grandma and a fucking park while waiting for pizza and a girl scout event. I ended hiding on top a slide and one on the older girl helped calm me down, but I wouldn't talk to my family and they ended up having to get a family friend come and get me.

6) My grandpa. To start I've barley talked to him in 5-6 years it's at least once a year and that's about it. I'm not mad about that either because he did fucking try to replace my grandma after she died and still fucking acts like this lade is part of our family when all she did was try to act like she knew us. She took some of my grandma's shit and she took the grandpa that I used to have. I know people always say that to kids it does seem like someone replacing grandparents/parents, but she literally was. He moved states for her, he stopped going to my school events because she couldn't travel (2 hours AT MOST), stopped going to my birthdays, stopped doing holidays, and all the same to my sibling which hurts a lot too because they basically had grandparents until they were 5 and I did until around 13 because new bitch didn't try with them and did a little with me. But she did try with my only cousin on my moms side because he was still littler and would take her as his grandmother and my aunt didn't like my grandma so new grandmother to him is a lot better.

But no, years of trauma and being the primary care giver of my sibling is fine and I'll be okay. I'm going to leave this place for college (dream school) and then move out with my girlfriend and eventually my sibling will live with us to get their life together away from our parents like I wish I could do a lot sooner than I will be.I'll be happy in the future, but right now it isn't happening.

Rant over, thanks if you read all of it.

sandduo family time inspired by this fanfic

So I disappeared for weeks from here, but I have returned even though I'll go inactive again soon most likely. So life updates:

-Gf had a pregnancy scare

-I finished reading Paper Towns and it was amazing

-I got into my dream college (visiting soon)

-On a waitlist fir anxiety meds because those are needed

-Finally talking to people more

Miss Beloved’s Blood Moon look

Very happy that he's back and they can drive each other crazy again

WELCOME BACK!!

I love when dogs do silly things

I literally forgot I had this account for a little while. But one thing that i've been trying to watch is the new life series because I love those so much. This one has an interesting concept and I can't wait to see how it goes later on in the time. So far i've only had time for grian and scar's videos but I am going to watch more this weekend

So I'm kind of just typing this because this is the best I can do to keep myself from having a panic attack because my partner has a horible realationship with her parents and there isn't very much I can do for them, but all I've been doing is stressing since she told me that their parents were causing problems again. I'm trying to keep myself from panicing too much and thinking the worse like I tend to do because it's not helping me at all. But she has been to mental hospitals multible times and I'm worried that might happen again because majority of the times or all of the times it's start by their parents. I'm mainly worried about this because would put her at risk of graduating high school, but I hope that might at least be okay.

Idk I'm just very stressed and trying not to have a panic attack over all this shit. I also hope I can get my mind together enough to do homework.

HERMITS IN DRESSES BY ME ARE BACK WITH MY MAN BEEF EVERYBODY

watercolor is so fun

I have just spent the last 2 days watching "The Rain" and it was so fucking good. The story, the visuals, the emotion behind it was just amazing. I was so engaged in it mentally and emotionally. The ending caused me to cry and that doesn't happen much with shows or movie.

Now I need to find something new to watch on Netflix

First day of a week long break from school and it's my birthday!!

I've been reading so much at school recently and I'm loving it because I love to read. I finished Loveless by Alice Oseman about a week ago and now I'm reading Paper Towns by John Green. So far, I'm 80 pages in and I love how it starts. I loved Loveless so so much and I was able to understand myself a bit more and I'm not aro or ace, but that overall message of the importance of friends meant so much to me.

I saw a video about someone saying that they would look out for and make sure that anyone with a semicolon tattoo and that video made me realise that I think I should get one we I'm older because even if I don't have cuts I have done things that still fall under harm.

One of the simplist things I used to do was biting my nails and causing them to bleed, but now I paint my nails so I don't do that.

There are other things I still do like intentionally 'forgeting' to eat when I'm upset or not sleeping or not drinking water. More recentally I've been scratching at my arms when I'm upset to the point that it takes hours not to show anymore.

My goal is to work on all these things and not do them in the future, but for now it's what I got and I'm trying. This is why I want a semicolon tattoo that is mixed with things that have helped me a lot now or in the past.

This is so pretty

Conjuring Goldfish

this man holds me hostage

Here's the life update I forgot to give:

- The first semester of my last year of high school has ended

- My dog died on New Years Eve

- I was the most depressed that i've might have ever been

And some other things that I can't remember

Realized that i've disappeared for like a month oops. Didn't mean for that to happen.

I'll talk about it more later and generally what's been going on in my life, as long as I remember