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livingformyotp · 5 days
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i had this favorite cup. it was the only cup i used back then. but then my biological father used it. and suddenly it wasn't my favorite anymore. now my cup just sits there until HE comes over and uses it again. i wanna fucking break it. but i don't wanna break it completely. i wanna break it just a bit that he won't notice it's broken until his mouth is bleeding.
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livingformyotp · 10 days
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nanqiu + touch THE SPIREALM 致命游戏 (2024) adapted from the danmei novel Kaleidoscope of Death 死亡万花筒 by Xi Zi Xu 西子绪 @asiandramanet apr creator bingo board ⎈ layout
and the one time they didn't:
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livingformyotp · 13 days
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I'm so tired of my partner and we haven't even been dating for a month. They are so good but they are so annoying. I don't know if I even like them in a romantic way because although I did have a crush on them, it was gone the moment they liked me back. I just can't get over that time when they were still courting me and told me about the friends they have been unofficially romantically involved in. It just left such a bad taste in my mouth.
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livingformyotp · 15 days
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Thinking about JB and Jude lately…
JB, who was Jude’s first friend. JB, who carried Jude to the college hospital when he witnessed him having an episode in their dorm.
JB, who shouted and made a scene in that same hospital until a doctor finally saw Jude - and that doctor was Andy, the only physician Jude ever allowed to care for him for the rest of life.
JB, who helped Jude move into the apartment he shared with Willem on Lispenard St. JB, who brought along his friend Richard to help that day. Richard, who later sold Jude his beautiful apartment on Green Street that Jude loved so much. Richard, who secretly looked after him more than Jude ever imagined, who at one point saved his life, and at another point reminded him his birthday was worth celebrating, when Jude himself had forgotten and his world was bleak.
JB, who envied his life, his looks, his career, his relationship (even his limp!). JB, who saw him as competition, rather than someone to pity. JB, who thought he was beautiful, who thought killing something small and adorable was worth it if it meant looking like Jude.
JB, who brought him to parties, who showered him with laughter and provocations.
JB, who asked too many questions and wanted all the answers but got none of them. JB, who then asked Harold to back off from asking all the questions and wanting all the answers as well.
JB, who captured his life in galleries, on canvas, on film. The good and the bad.
JB, who’s art invaded and celebrated and decorated. JB, who’s art froze Willem in time for him.
JB, who was Jude’s last friend. JB, who Jude resented, who Jude hated, who Jude never forgave, who Jude wanted dead.
JB, who found him at last, who put away his suits, who handed out his letters.
JB, who outlived his friends, who was left alone, with his pictures, and his paintings, and his pain.
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livingformyotp · 2 months
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The Fall of The House of Usher was clinically good but also so sad? In the face of greed and ambition, love falters? It cannot grow, and therefore, no one under its spell can experience the fulfillment of loving and being loved? It's a Mike Flanagan horror story, but love doesn't transcend time and space and fear and death itself?
Gonna have to spend a few days thinking about how love, when pitted against a culture that values money above all else, fails to flourish so that instead of sacrificing for the people you love, you sacrifice people for opportunity to become rich. This is the ultimate horror, the ultimate tragedy, and I will have to take time to recover.
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livingformyotp · 4 months
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its christmas and i love my friends and im thinking about how they would all leave me one day and not because we'd have a fight but because we'd just drift away
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livingformyotp · 4 months
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🐤🐤🐤💕
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livingformyotp · 5 months
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One thing they don't say when you go through a break-up is that the hardest part of it is not knowing where to put all the love you have left for them. where do you put all the hopes and dreams you planned with each other?
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livingformyotp · 5 months
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I still don't know if I liked you or the idea of you,
Would you be mad if you knew the person I have made
To the image of you?
Or would you be honored---touched, even
Of how highly I think of you
Not anymore, now, though
I ended it but I still wonder,
I still think of what could've been
When we finally see each other's real skin.
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livingformyotp · 5 months
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'taking it'
tags: sort of non-con, dark!coriolanus snow (?), fem!reader, implied sex, smut, unedited
You gasped, as Coriolanus pressed his body against yours with unrestrained passion. His movements were fervent and filled with intensity, your skin burning beneath his touch.
The sound of his heavy breathing becoming a symphony to your ears as he continued to ravage you in wild abandon, pushing the boundaries of pleasure beyond all imaginable limits.
You’ve lost count of how many times you’d cum in pleasure. “Coriolanus-, it's too much, i can’t handle it-.” Though your pleas fall upon death ears as he doesn’t seem to care about what your saying, he was already to deep in the lust of the moment to even realise or comprehend what you were saying.
"Can't get enough of you" he'd whisper, his arms wrapping around your waist and pulling you into his strong lap.
"No!" you'd moan when he pressed himself deep inside yours. His embrace seemed to last an eternity, igniting flames of desire all through your body. He wanted all of you and more, a craving that only grew stronger as time went on.
Coriolanus would gaze down to where you were intertwined and moan with delight at the sight of your passion smeared over his shaft. “God damn, you’re driving me wild” he growled, gripping your hips and lifting you up before putting his cock back in.
At this point you’re nothing but his cocksleeve. Your insides scream in pain with each passing second and your stomach feels like it's about to burst from the unbearable sensation.
You beg for him to stop, yet he continues heedless of your pleas. You know that if he doesn't take respite soon, you will succumb to exhaustion and pass out from the physical stress of it all. Coriolanus keeps thrusting into you like a mindless beast.
Not thinking of the repercussions, you tried to push him off by lifting yourself partially up from his thighs and laying your small hand on his pelvis. But in that moment, it was a mistake that you deeply regretted.
You cry out loud as he pulls you back down. His breath is hot and heavy on your skin, his whisper filled with venom as he spits out the question: "Where do you think that you are going?".
He places a hand around the small of your back, holding your hips firmly against the bed. The power of his grip immobilizes you from moving any further. You try to plead with him but it falls on deaf ears.
He stares into your eyes, his expression unreadable as he leans in closer to you. His voice suddenly softens and he smiles a small, knowing smile that sends chills down your spine.
"Look," he says in a low tone, "Just relax."
He had one hand firmly clutching your hands, immobilizing them above your head. You felt his other hand tracing down your body for more access and finally pushing your left leg to the side. "Stop fucking running away and take it," he demanded.
His words stirred something inside of you that felt liberating yet uncertain at the same time. The sensation of him positioned above you unlocked an intensity in the moment that made everything feel heightened- each breath, every action.
You shake your head back and forth, tears streaming down your cheeks. His laugh is bitter as he says, “It serves you right. You shouldn’t have spoken to that guy.”
By the way your body betrayed you once more by tightening his cock, he knew you were going to cum.
“That’s it, pretty girl. Cum for me," Coriolanus whispers as he leans down to kiss your lips and wiping away the tears with one hand that is pressed against your stomach.
His other hand reaches up to grasp onto yours, and he can feel your body quaking beneath him. "Fuck, I'm so close," Coriolanus gasps out in pleasure. His movements become more weaker as time passes.
You squeeze your eyes shut as you feel him reach his climax inside you, and the walls of your body are filled with his warmth. “So fucking gorgeous with my load in you.” he had whispered into your ear as he pulled out of you, lazily putting his body weight on you but not fully.
“You did so good, so so good.” He says as he moves up to your neck full of hickies to place a gentle kiss. His words spark something deep within you, and as he pulls away you can feel the tears beginning to form in your eyes once again.
You are overcome by a wave of emotion that you can't seem to control, but instead try to hold it back.
He seems to notice it though. "Shhh," Coriolanus whispers as he pulls you into his chest and wraps his arms around your body. You can feel the beating of his heart against yours, and you wrap your own arms tightly around him. You don't make the effort to push him off you, since you know there was no chance he would let you.
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livingformyotp · 6 months
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need a new bl show to watch but unsure of how spicy it is? someone made a spicy index list
🌶️ - Bell pepper - longing glances, maybe a caress and pinky touch, solid hugs, no kisses (Cherry Magic)
🌶️🌶️ - Jalapeño popper - 1 or 2 kisses, closed mouth or hidden behind camera angles, full of cheesy emotions but not sexual (Mr. Unlucky has No Choice but to Kiss)
🌶️🌶️🌶️ - Sriracha - at least 1 decent kiss, actual makeout with or without tongue, but clothes stay on (Bad Buddy, Semantic Error)
🌶️🌶️🌶️🌶️ - Birds eye chili - multiple solid kisses and some clothes come off, but cuts away before any pants come off and hands generally stay above the waist, it's implied that they have sex but we only see the very start of the encounter (609 Bedtime Story, Between Us, Until We Meet Again)
🌶️🌶️🌶️🌶️🌶️ - Specialty hot sauce - all or most clothes come off at least once, full on simulated sex happens though it can be masked with sultry background music and may or may not include an implication of climax (Ghost Host Ghost House, Cutie Pie, Long Time No See)
🌶️🌶️🌶️🌶️🌶️🌶️ - Carolina reaper - full nudity at some point, though junk may be cleverly hid with angles and conveniently placed furniture, these boys fuckin and there ain't no ambiguity about it, sexy sounds at full volume rather than replaced by music or voiceover (Kinnporsche, Love in the Air)
🌶️☠️ - Pepper spray - there's full on sex and/or nudity but it's not pleasant or intended to be sexy, can apply to graphic SA scenes or just the marketing campaign for Dangerous Drugs Of Sex
(the show list isn't fully comprehensive yet but a great start)
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livingformyotp · 7 months
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I live for books that heavily radiate “how long can you keep listening to this...and not help me?"
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livingformyotp · 10 months
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"you're the exception" romance. "i wouldnt do this if it wasn't for you" "i wouldnt like this if it wasn't for you" "this is only funny with you" "this is only fun when its with you" "i hate eveyone but you" "the world feels like its ending except when i'm with you" "everything thing is black and white except you" romance that consumes you. romance that takes over your life. romance that makes you hold your breath.
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livingformyotp · 11 months
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yeha a little life is not an easy read and often it feels like it's just one thing after another but to put it in the simple box of 'trauma porn' is wrong. it's heartbreaking, yes, and at times, hopeless, but it is so much more than that! it's about trying, about choosing to live despite it all. it's about learning that yes, i am fucked up beyond belief, and there might be nothing out there that can save me, but i have love, i have my friends, i have tried, i keep trying, god i am so tired of trying but i promised, aren't we all just trying despite everything!!!!!!
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livingformyotp · 11 months
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MY FRIEND, I ABSOLUTELY CAN!!!! 🥰 Starting from the beginning…
PART ONE: ORIGINAL FILMANIA PRODUCTION & FATE
It’s 2019-20, you’re Mile Phakphum Romsaithong, a very rich socialite who plays guitar. You’re bored and you’ve been thinking about getting into acting, and have been offered misc. BL casting opportunities before (1), but never really felt like any of them were For You, so you turned them down. 
Then, one day, you find out that there is a BL currently casting from the studio Filmania, where the male lead is based on you (2), at least your public persona/physically/whatever. Being a puppy of a man, you are delighted, and go read the script, and then the books, and decide you’ll go to the casting call for it.
At casting call, you re-meet Apo Nattawin Wattanagitiphat (3), who you went to college with and had a giant crush on (4). You guys hit it off IMMEDIATELY, chemistry unhinged, and get cast as Kinn and Porsche. Apo takes it, even though he has historically had a bad experience with the Thai acting industry (5). You are delighted by this incidence of FATE!!!!!!
PART TWO: IF YOU DON’T HAVE FATE ON YOUR SIDE STORE-BOUGHT IS FINE
The show gets dropped (6) Something something the authors, something something the company, whatever. I assume, if you are Mile, you are very sad! And if you’re Apo you’re also pretty sad, because it seemed like for once even with all the industry BS you had a cool dude on your side who you hit it off with, and it was gonna be a cool show. On the heels of that, if you are Mile, and have stacks of money, and see your college crush who is an unbelievable actor about to re-give up on acting and call it a wash, you are like, “wait, I have stacks of money and know everyone”.
So you, Mile, call up the head of the small talent agency you’re signed with, Be On Cloud, which is really just your buddy Pond Krisda Witthayakhajorndet in a fake mustache and a trench coat, and go, hey! So! Have you ever wanted to make television? I have a man here I CANNOT allow to be sad under any circumstances, and also, we’re really good at this and there’s an audience here.
PART THREE: BE ON CLOUD, KINNPORSCHE TAKE TWO!!!!
Pond, being just as unhinged as Mile, thinks about it for a second, and is like. Well. How different can making television be from running an event planning company, which is my real job (7). It’s just calling up a bunch of different guys who are good at their jobs and putting them in one place. And I know so many different guys! Let’s do it!
They get the rights (handwaves this I don’t know anything about it) and jump into production. They get their shit together UNREALISTICALLY quickly (6), and on top of that, since they’re starting from scratch and they’re just A Bunch Of Guys led by Pond and Mile, they decide that their priorities are #1 making art and #2 making Apo happy. With regards to #1, they rework the script (8), hire the best acting coaches money can afford, and put the cast through character-building and intimacy workshops. With regards to #2, they toss out all the industry bullshit that has sucked for him in the past – no more crew/cast hierarchy (9), no more homophobia on-set (10), no more fake fanservice (11).
FINALE: MIRACLES IF U BELIEVE ETC.
Magically, it turns out, when you create a great working environment, you get really, really good TV!!!!! Which means that their unhinged plan succeeded beyond their wildest dreams, and now Mile & Apo are internationally famous superstars who hang out 24/7 with their squad of 16 close friends, and we get to watch them do it. And it has been, genuinely, a fucking privilege. 
To end this tale with a personal note, one of the reasons I allowed myself to get so invested in KinnPorsche so fast is because it was evident from every aspect of it – the show itself, the BTS, the actors interviews – that the people working on this show both really cared about the show and were genuinely having a great time. There is nothing like seeing art made by people who are passionate about making it! 
Their enthusiasm, their hard work, and their obvious enjoyment of the process & each other’s company are what made me feel like I could trust what they were making, because you could tell no matter what else it was, it was from the heart. And that’s really something special! Especially in this day and age!! 
And even though they could pull it off this time because of the circumstances (financial and social), I hope that it shows BL television CAN be made in a way that keeps the actors comfortable and safe and happy, and encourages change for the better across the industry as a whole. KinnPorsche shouldn’t be the last wild BL passion project; it should be the first one of a new wave. (bangs gavel) Thank you for coming to my TED talk.
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livingformyotp · 1 year
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friend finished hannibal
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livingformyotp · 1 year
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