When do you think Cammie and Zach’s first time was? What do you think it was like?

Did I open Pandora’s box by answering a sex question? I feel like I opened Pandora’s box.

I think it happens sometime after Cammie gets settled at Georgetown. For the first time in both of their lives, they’re fully alone and finally feel safe.

It’s everything you can expect in a first time. Awkward, clumsy, sweet. Clothes get stuck and heads are bumped. Laughs are exchanged. Cammie accidentally knees Zach in the stomach and Zach almost knocks Cammie over when he trips over his boxers. Battling terrorists and attending the country’s most rigorous academic institution didn’t exactly prepare Cammie for situations like this.

And despite all his witty innuendos and cool demeanor, Zach is just as inexperienced as Cammie. This becomes painfully evident when he tries to open the condom with his teeth, tearing it in the process. But frantically hunting for a backup condom whilst naked is a bonding ritual every couple must experience and it all works out in the end.

Do you suppose Zach and Cammie are wild and steamy when they make love as adults?

Honestly I think they have the bedroom of a very affectionate, yet very exhausted, old married couple. Being the two most highly sought after agents in the country is brutal on the brain and body. A kiss goodnight is probably as far as it goes most nights before one or both of them passes out.

Macey buys them sex dice for Christmas one year. They get used approximately 2 1/2 times before they roll under the couch, never to be seen again. Well, never to be seen until their first kid starts crawling around under the furniture and re-emerges using one as a teething toy. Zach is amused. Cammie is horrified.

what I love about cammie is she always lets us know when there’s a hot guy even when it’s an important life or death situation she’s so real for that

Zach and Cammie slow dancing while Zach quietly hums Teenage Sonata in her ear

Oh shit, Liz is an Ali Hazelwood protagonist!

I have decided I want to be a main character written by Ali Hazelwood- smart, PhD-having boss bitch women who have very grandma-core hobbies and end up with the hottest nerds on the planet!! That’s the dream package!!

I just know that Mr. Brightside was on the official P&E workout playlist

Ok but you know Bex is absolutely the worst kind of sick person. She always denies that she’s sick and refuses to rest. But one chilly January day she finds herself laid up on Macey’s couch with a 104 fever. In the kitchen, Macey is chopping up some carrots for her homemade chicken noodle soup. Though Bex insists that she’s completely fine, she agrees to rest for two reasons and two reasons only:

1: Macey’s homemade chicken noodle soup is known to practically cure all ailments (seriously, Liz is working on the patent and getting FDA approval)

2: Macey has threatened to use her Michelin-grade chef’s knife on her if she tries to get up. Based on the sound of Macey’s passive-aggressive carrot chopping, Bex has decided not to test her.

Can the Gallagher Girls cook?

Bex: Oh lord, where to start? As the only child of two highly active field agents, Bex is everything a good spy must be. Stunning, wickedly smart, charismatic, etc. She's also painfully British. Her kitchen skills are limited to boiling potatoes and putting the kettle on for tea. Sure, she knows what good cooking tastes like. She's surrounded by it all year long. But when she's not at school or tagging along with her parents on international ops, Bex sustains herself primarily through protein shakes and Indian takeaway.

Cammie: Cooking abilities (or lack thereof) run matrilineally in her family. No further explanation needed.

Liz: She's a chemistry genius. Liz can take any household item and turn it into an improvised explosive. She's worked out how to transform the entire contents of Macey's makeup bag into a lethal poison. What she can't figure out is how to make a decent pot of rice. See, cooking is an art and Liz is a scientist. Recipe instructions like "cook until just right" or "season to taste" just don't make sense to her. How is she supposed to "add a pinch" of salt when there's no precise metric measurement for a pinch? How can she cook something over "medium heat" when she has no idea exactly how many kelvins "medium heat" is? Her poor, sweet Alabama Nana has firmly banned Liz from the kitchen after her last attempt at chicken casserole resulted in a hole melted straight through the stovetop.

Macey: No way the mid-2000s, "I only eat 800 calories a day" heiress would know her way around a kitchen, right? Wrong. For the first 15 years of her life, Macey McHenry would not be caught dead in a kitchen. Starving socialites had no business hanging around "unnecessary calories". Her relationship with cooking develops over the first winter break back from Gallagher. A desire for coffee after pulling an all-nighter puts her in the kitchen at the exact same time as the family chef. Her newfound interest in learning keeps her perched on a barstool, observing as the chef starts to prepare their breakfasts. It becomes a routine, and soon enough she's dicing onions and flipping omelets right next to them. By the time she returns for the spring semester, Macey not only enjoys eating but knows how to make most of her favorite foods without help.

Reblog if you say "Y'all"

"oopsy daisy" is just the PG code for "oh dammit"

Rebecca Baxter dry scoops protein powder

Cynthia McHenry is an Almond Mom TM

Can the Gallagher Girls cook?

Bex: Oh lord, where to start? As the only child of two highly active field agents, Bex is everything a good spy must be. Stunning, wickedly smart, charismatic, etc. She's also painfully British. Her kitchen skills are limited to boiling potatoes and putting the kettle on for tea. Sure, she knows what good cooking tastes like. She's surrounded by it all year long. But when she's not at school or tagging along with her parents on international ops, Bex sustains herself primarily through protein shakes and Indian takeaway.

Cammie: Cooking abilities (or lack thereof) run matrilineally in her family. No further explanation needed.

Liz: She's a chemistry genius. Liz can take any household item and turn it into an improvised explosive. She's worked out how to transform the entire contents of Macey's makeup bag into a lethal poison. What she can't figure out is how to make a decent pot of rice. See, cooking is an art and Liz is a scientist. Recipe instructions like "cook until just right" or "season to taste" just don't make sense to her. How is she supposed to "add a pinch" of salt when there's no precise metric measurement for a pinch? How can she cook something over "medium heat" when she has no idea exactly how many kelvins "medium heat" is? Her poor, sweet Alabama Nana has firmly banned Liz from the kitchen after her last attempt at chicken casserole resulted in a hole melted straight through the stovetop.

Macey: No way the mid-2000s, "I only eat 800 calories a day" heiress would know her way around a kitchen, right? Wrong. For the first 15 years of her life, Macey McHenry would not be caught dead in a kitchen. Starving socialites had no business hanging around "unnecessary calories". Her relationship with cooking develops over the first winter break back from Gallagher. A desire for coffee after pulling an all-nighter puts her in the kitchen at the exact same time as the family chef. Her newfound interest in learning keeps her perched on a barstool, observing as the chef starts to prepare their breakfasts. It becomes a routine, and soon enough she's dicing onions and flipping omelets right next to them. By the time she returns for the spring semester, Macey not only enjoys eating but knows how to make most of her favorite foods without help.

Cammie: You can't make everybody like you. You're not Liz. Macey: Not everyone likes Liz. Bex: Well who doesn't like Liz? Macey: Well- Bex: Names. Now. Give me their names.

Listen, I seriously respect all the wonderful people that have put in the work to make Gallagher Girl playlists. I truly do. Y’all have immaculate taste. But I also need to express my despair at the lack of early-mid 2000s songs on these playlists. The fist book was released in 2006. 2006!

Sweet children, Bex was not listening to “Skyfall” by Adele during her solo boxing sessions. No ma’am, you know she was blasting “Independent Women, Pt.1” by Destiny’s Child on her MP3 player. Macey McHenry was amongst the first to have an iPod shuffle (and you know 60% of the songs on it were probably written about her). Cameron Ann Morgan got through her breakup with Josh by staring out the window and listening to “She Will Be Loved” on repeat. Liz Sutton listened to just enough of the local pop station to stay informed before inevitably switching back to NPR.

Fun fact: In 2005, Nelly Furtado met a then 15 year-old Macey McHenry in a New York City nightclub. She immediately flew to Miami and wrote the smash hit "Maneater".

Zach: My dad was actually shorter than my mom

Macey: A short king

Zach: He abandoned me for the first 18 years of my life

Macey: No longer a short king

"I Think I'm in Love with You" by Jessica Simpson is the ultimate happy Cammie/Josh song and no I will not be taking any critiques.