la-kuntessa
LaCuntessa's LaCunthoughts
Hellcheer fic enabler, enjoyer, and writer that one time.she/herchildless MiLF (aka 30+)
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A Very Classy Night
For the Hellcheer Discord Hotties
NYC
June, 1989
It’s such a beautiful, iconic, warm and sexy New York night that they have to take advantage of it.
They’re dressed up, having left a fancy party thrown by or for a big donor at Chrissy’s dance school. It was in a fancy apartment on fifth avenue. Champagne, h’ors d’overs (Chrissy’s favorite food), beautiful art in a gorgeous, million-billion dollar apartment and an open bar.
Super classy.
Eddie was on his best behavior, he charmed all the rich wives and their staff. He meticulously pressed his suit and bought a tie with matching pocket square. He wore his pointy boots and his hair neatly tied at his nape. Chrissy thinks he’s so handsome she could die.
They bounce the classy party before everyone gets too drunk and things get inappropriate (Eddie thinks there’s a very sexual vibe between donors and dancers. Like, they throw money and you dance for them. Chilling.)
They’re not ready for this night to end, though! They have to hit as many bars as possible because they look and feel so cute. They want to get drunk and make out at a bar, then they want to go home, get stoned and make out some more.
A perfect Saturday night.
So Eddie’s twirling Chrissy as they walk down Fifth Avenue and they find themselves in front of the Plaza Hotel.
There’s fancy people coming in and out and they all look like they’ve been partying. Must be a wedding. It is a Saturday in June, after all.
Hmmmm.
It takes very little to persuade Chrissy to try to sneak into this fancy wedding.
They enter the hotel from a little used side door, feeling like spies. Chrissy is giggling so hard it makes Eddie get the giggles and they have to take some circular breaths to calm down. They put Eddie’s jacket on Chrissy, she holds her heels. Eddie tucks his hair into his popped (ugh) collar and he puts on his sunglasses for extra asshole vibes.
They stumble over, pretending to be drunk yuppies, like they’ve been at this party for hours. There’s no one to check them so they walk in with purpose to the bar.
The room is massive and there’s so many people…
This could be fun.
They grab two passed champagne flutes and sip nervously.
No one is looking at them.
The coast…is clear?
They nibble on some canapés.
They hit the dance floor when the band starts up on some Temptations.
They eat a couple of eclairs from the Viennese table.
This might actually work!
They’re back at the bar when one of the bridesmaids approaches them.
Uh oh.
“Great party right!” Chrissy chirps.
“Totally,” says bridesmaid “Who are you with?”
Oh NO.
“Michael!” Eddie croaks. “We’re Michael’s kids!”
“Michael who?”
“Michael Michael!”
Chrissy acts fast.
“He’s right over there!” she points to the far side of the room.
The bridesmaid looks over-
-THEN BITCH THEY ARE RUNNING-
Ok, not running, running, more like scooting away at a fast clip.
They zip down some halls and miraculously find a unisex bathroom to hide in.
Chrissy and Eddie are laughing and trembling so hard, oh my god.
They wait until they’re sure no one has followed them or called the cops or whatever rich people would do to two scalawags such as them.
Eventually they slide out and slink onto 58th street where they indulge in a cab to 13th street to stop at the Pony Keg because Eddie used to work there and drinks for (mostly) free.
On Monday Chrissy tells her dance friends about their adventure (turns out they left just in time. Things indeed get sexual; Antoine blew a waiter in the service stairwell and Lisette got multiple offers for threesomes. {She’ll do it if they pay her $500 cash})
So everybody had fun!
Years and years later, they’re at a HUGE charity gala at the Plaza. They’re having a great time schmoozing, sipping Champagne, feeling very rich and famous, when Eddie turns to Chrissy and says sotto voce
“ok, if anyone asks, tell them we’re with Michael”
Chrissy is confused, but Eddie sees the realization wash over her. She makes an undignified, loud, explosive laugh-snort and doubles over laughing, ending up squatting then sitting on the floor.
She’s crying laughing, she can’t breathe.
She’s doing Chrissy Laugh #234- “ah-HA! Ah-HA! Ah-Ha!” one of Eddie’s faves.
He’s holding her wrap and purse so they don’t end up with her. ON the floor of THEE Plaza Hotel. “Christine, please! The press is here! She’s not drunk, I swear!” he laughs. She’s so fucking cute, he wants to kiss her all over her adorable face.
The cameras flash all around them.
There’s a picture of Chrissy in her beautiful midnight blue satin gown, her hair, gleaming, diamonds at her ears and throat, at this major event…looking like she peed herself on the floor of the Plaza.
This picture?
It ends up in Vanity Fair.
It’s framed on Eddie’s desk.
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Everyone gets “The 90s” look wrong so let’s fix it
If you weren’t here for part one, lemme sum it up real fast:
Okay, all up to speed? We’re being served 80s throwback stuff with the serial numbers scratched off, re-labeled as yo totally 90s. What we’ve got now isn’t completely wrong, but I’m telling you, there’s so much gold left unmined.
As we saw in part one with Memphis Milano, these things get messy. Trends don’t start and end neatly every ten years. The first wave of 90s throwback attempts focused on the early part of the decade, and nobody since really pushed to represent the other seven years. Well, if you really wanna do something, I guess you gotta do it yourself.
I have suggestions. Get your flannel ready, we’ve got a lot of ground to cover.
Keep reading
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Awwww!!!!!
@la-kuntessa
Hi! It’s always a pleasure to have guests fall down the rabbit hole and join our tea party! Enjoy your Candy Cap Cupcake and Telepathic Pink Flamingo while you’re here!
There’s a special note just for you!
a surprise treat ♡
And just for fun, here’s a riddle you can solve
❓If your uncle’s sister is not your aunt, what relation is she to you?
Wanna send a treat to someone and continue to spread the love? Order Here
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in light of recent conversation about the hellcheer fandom “dying”, i just wanna say a big thank you to everyone who is still here and contributing daily. it does not go unnoticed despite what some people are insinuating.
making content is hard sometimes. balancing real life with making content is even harder. so to anyone who feels like they aren’t doing enough and feel like the fics they write, artworks they create, headcanons they post etc aren’t enough or as consistent as they used to be, that’s not true. even just the simple reblogger/commenter who thinks they may not be contributing anything to keep the fandom afloat, you are. i see you and you are appreciated.
we took ten minutes of screentime and fucking ran with it and i am forever proud of all the work i’ve put into creating new universes for these characters. i don’t plan on going anywhere anytime soon — there’s bound to be slowdowns. people get busy. inspo comes and goes. we cannot be expected to spew out content in order to keep a fandom from “dying out”. that’s just not realistic.
anyway — stepping off my soap box to say that i’m happy you’re here, i’m happy to be here. thank you for reading, for creating, for existing in this space. hellcheer fandom u are so dear to me 🫶🏼
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eddie @ chrissy
chrissy @ eddie
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chrissy @ eddie
not arguing with someone with brown eyes so dark they’re black. whatever you say beautiful.
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You say she’s a temple and her body is beautiful like a greek goddess but then get grossed out by her hairy bush. You think goddesses in temples had time to shave their pussy? Get real.
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actually no, we're not "dating". we're bound together for infinity. like the stars. so, fuck you, actually.
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Eddie @ Chrissy
Can I say something embarrassing? Will you promise not to get mad at me?
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my doctor prescribed “kissing a pretty girl all over her face until she’s smiling & giggling uncontrollably” to cure all my ailments
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vickie the sweetheart bat by fluffnest
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Eddie sings this to Chrissy, it makes her giggle and sigh at the appropriate parts.
youtube
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