Youtube got some new videos
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When you drink a lot of water and your tummy goes sploosh sploosh
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to whoever stole my Microsoft Office, I will find you. You have my Word.
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Me asking the plug if the Xanax is glutten free
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New flirting method where you just have a crippling panic attack infront of them
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feds kicking down my door only to realize there was a bucket of water above it and now they’re all wet
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Me on jeopardy: i dont know
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Waiter: wine?
Date: i dont drink
Waiter: water
Me: she said she doesn’t drink pal
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Dudes be playing nba 2k23 but they be 23 with less than 2k i(N) their (BA)nk
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The music stopped in the club and every one heard me opening my velcro wallet
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*Getting backshots* hes right behind me ,isnt he?
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Dudes be wearing rick owens but be OWEN their landlord RICK unpaid rent money
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Me: this is my house
Friend: whats upstairs?
Me: stairs dont speak
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Tattoo artist who is halfway done with my Garfield tattoo: so you like lasagna to haha?
Me who is a huge fan of the 20th US president: what?
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*Waiter salting my pasta*:say when
Me 6 hours later: when
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Jingling to fuck out of my bells rn
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Babe can you stop by Jupiter on the way home? Were running out of stupider
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