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ll-arthur
Hii :3
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seriously wish i could decide whether im gonna kill myself or not. i cant keep going back and forth like this
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why does a simple interaction with my brother leave me in tears
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either cutting your wrists fatally isn’t actually that easy or i’m just so dumb that it carries to cutting aswell
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will swallowing enough of the prescribed pills make me drowsy enough to just never wake up again
asking for a friend
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first month of the new year and
i tried to convince myself and my s/o i'm better and yet
even tho i bought beer with them to control myself
i'm still here finishing it all by myself and smoking
maybe there is no getting better.
or maybe i'm just too weak.
who knows
i don't
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i love the confirmation over "i assumed you did better even without evidence so i never cared as much"
and even then i felt fucking terrible, tried to kill myself but i guess it's okay because i did better Once™
#i'm so fucking tired#i'm not expecting them to get everything but fucking hell i'm asking for the bare minimum of care#and my ex therapist wondered why i never said shit#it isn't their job to fix it ik!#all i ask is even fucking pity level of comfort
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yes mother, drinking whiskey while doing my assignment last minute is perfectly normal as it’s the only way to get something produced without my perfection rearing it’s ugly head. it just be like that you know?
#not like i drank that much to begin with#and i can attest to the fact it works#i had the same assignment due before and submitted it 30 mins before the due date#while rn i'm sitting here nearly done 2 hours before i have to submit it#so really i'm winning#alcohol mention#alcohol tw
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go for the shores,
the tide is breaking in.
can you not feel it?
the ice napping at your feet,
the greatest emotion you felt yet.
it calls for you,
the sea resting.
but alas it plays up!
higher to andromeda,
raw her up!
soon, it'll cancel out,
an atom at a time,
one entity will regret it.
not me.
not her.
and so you.
what will you let go?
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“Being emotionally neglected all your life is so damaging in so many ways.”
—
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love when the few times i bring up dissociating it's "gee i wish i also didn't think!"
like fuck i wish that's all it was lol
#ik that's what the person didn't all intend but it's what they think regardless#and it ain't on them either#sucks all the same tho lol#tw: dissociating#dissociation
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self care is drinking playing mc after finishing an assignment 3 days before it’s due after constantly doing it till 1 am because of work
#who knew i could actually use my brain#and my days were literally doing classs all day then spending 4 hours at work#so essentially i only started doing work at 9 lol#thank fuck it's my last week of work#trying not to get hung up on the fact half a battle of vodka is not enough to get me even close enough to being drunk enough#it's hard lmao#alcoholism#alcohol mention
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been a while since i've smoked without being intoxicated
#it was raining so i couldn't get alcohol without making others suspicious lol#2 weeks into college let's goooo#i'm tired#alcohol mention#smoking
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i wish i actually had good memories of being drunk with my friends,
but i don’t.
i only know how to fuck myself over with alcohol and god do i drink faster and more than anyone else.
i’ve fucked myself so much that i can’t imagine admitting i’m drunk with anyone or even enjoying being drunk with anyone.
because it’s bad when it’s me, which is fair.
it’s always bad with me.
i’m never good.
#i can't blame my parents who give out to me once alcohol is me#because they're right#i'm literally the fucking worst with it lmao#i wish i could have fun memories#it's all so so bad#and it's all my fucking fault#just me#alcoholism#alcohol mention#vent
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How's college going?
Im eating raw cauliflower, getting drunk at 5pm looking at a dude blow up a glitter pumpkin on youtube
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