Free Thought- Thought Free Over thinking, the devil that made my life go in slow motion. Every step was too thought out and purposeful. Every action and their results already known, made it that much uninteresting. I forgot the feeling of accomplishment and struggle. For far too long, I lived in a well structured geometric world. I craved for a fluid thought, whim and the jitters of winging somthing and being rewarded with an unknown climax. Maybe I'd fall, maybe I'd hurt, maybe I'd discover new things and succeed. I had a decision to make, which path do I take? The well laid cobblestone street or the the dimly lit mysterious road where a whole new life awaited. This wasn't a situation to way pros and cons, it was one of chance and spontaneity. I had to pick one and I didn't need to stick with it. Life was providing me the opportunity to be free. Free from over contemplating and free of passing a judgement on things I wasn't sure of. As I stepped forward into the unknown, something happened. My sole touched the earth, previously untouched and I felt it welcome me. I had stranger eyes looking at me from behind trees and leaves and stones, some held the same fright I did before choosing to take the path never taken. They hesitated but thawed to the new entity and let her be. The welcomed her by letting her run free.

CHANGE

It’s all so different. Different from my everyday reality, or atleast what i thought was my reality. Embracing somthing new has always been one of my greatest pitfalls. It took a lot of effort to warm up to it. I fear that I have grown to love the sadness and found it comforting. It was something I knew and made peace with, like an old friend. The prospect of moving forward and finding and doing something new was a concept very alien to me. Maybe it was better than being nestled in the embrace of my conniving old friend, who had his nails dug deep into my skin, making it very hard to let go. But that pain I knew and befriended. So I let my self fall to the ground and looked at the skys above, waiting for divine intervention. Days went by, and no answer or help came. No gods answered and pushed me foward. I let self become a part of the land and mush. What I didn’t notice then was that around me were trees growing bigger, vines wrapping themselves around my limbs. Creatures small and big came to me and looked at the anomaly that had become a part of their land. They seemed to accept me and left me to plight and my days activity of waiting. The sky changed everyday, every hour and every second of every minute. The stars aligned different and made new patterns and designs each night. The moon changed too, sometimes bigger and somedays it just wouldn’t show. I suppose it was disappointed looking at me wait for an answer. And then it happend, unable to let me be anymore, It spoke to the clouds and the rivers and wolves. The skys roared and the rivers overflowed while the wolves cried and told me the the story of the moon, the ever changing miracle of the sky. Having heard them loud and clear, I ripped myself from the hold of my indifference, thanked the sky and for the first time notice what I had transformed into. A part of the miracle.

COLD

I looked down and saw my frail feet hurt and Blood coagulating from the frozen ground. The deceptive and razor sharp rocks and gravel shinning like quarts and diamonds. Ever since I woke up in this unknown land, all I faced was it’s wrath. Cold, wet and treacherous. Why was I here? Why didn't​ I wake up in the comfert of known surroundings? I doubt I will last long enough to get away from here. With a sudden jolt, I tumble and fall to the cold unruly ground hurting myself further. Looking to see what I tripped over, I notice a small branch with the tiniest leaf. New life? How is it fighting to survive this hard? Looking at the leaf and it’s contrast to the frozen dirt all around, I feel a warm tear trickle down my cheek and hit the ground. I need to be more resilient, I need to find it in me to move forward, to beat my every obstacle, to get away from this deathly cold hell. As I push myself and look up, I feel scared no more. I feel no cold instead I feel an inexplicable amount of courage. Hurt or not, I run and I will keep running till I find my utopia.

Prarambhika (प्रारंभिक) [वि.] - 1. शुरुआत का; पहले का; प्राथमिक 2. आदिम। 

adj. Elementary

There was something about this person i was staring at, she looked so much like me, a tired and a gaded version of me, but i was sure it wasn't. Maybe this is my daughter, but what are all those scars on her beautiful face? Why didn't I help her, I should have taught my little girl to fight back. I should have asked her to be strong and independent. Did she let someone else dictate her life? She looked so sad and sullen. She was saying something, I think she's asking for help. I try to reach for her, but can't seem to get close enough. I can hear her cry and feel her pain. I listened to her story and my heart broke for this girl​ that looked like me. She shouldn't have let him. I kept looking at her features trying to remember her and she kept narrating her sad story. Perhaps, she's my mother. It would explain the few gray hair she had and the faint wrinkles around her eyes. Did my dad do this to her? Was he really a jelous person? I never saw my father as anything less of a hero. How could he not see the love and all her tolerance. My hero worship was fading away. I have loved and respected him for far too long, she is the real hero. She keeps talking about control and fighting back. Were all those battle scars? Maybe, but she did win in the end. I try to reach and as does she, but we don't get any close, so I continue looking her. I couldn't tell if she was mine or if I was hers. I hope she didn't go through all those horrible things. But I'm also so proud of her. Tears were a welcoming warmth. I try to wipe them away and notice her doing the same. As realization sinks in, I close my eyes and cry away the pain. When I opened my eyes I was a newer, better and a stronger version of myself and the girl I was looking at was ME.

She promised herself to take no notice of all the prying and judging eyes. She woke up to this mantra every day and seplt to it every night. She could feel their eyes on her. Like they could see her naked, worse; they could see right through her and hear her every thought and feel all her vulnerabilities. But Every night she looked at her daughter, fast asleep and smiled to herself. She managed to provide for her little one, at least for another day. Her daughter was too young to understand what the grown-ups were saying to her mother. She was still fragile and pure and unscathed. But what would she think of her mother's choices when she grows up? Would she see a saint or a sinner. She didn't care what her kid thought of her as long as she knew she was giving her a life that wasn't like hers. She would give her wings to fly away. She would die for her to retain her pure heart. Selling her body for money seemed like the only thing she could do. Lacking education and any family support, she had chosen to give up everything to give her child everything. She considered herself damned and continued to do what she could for as long as she needed to. She didn't care for those prying and judging eyes. She didn't care for all the hushed criticisms. She didn't care that they cursed her and hoped she died, and she would welcome an end with her arms wide open, but she didn't live for herlsef anymore and she didn't care what they had to say, coz they didn't know. All the years, the tears.. resentments, pain and suffering, all those bruises and blood stained sheets, the shame and all the sorrow, was bearable. Her child would live a different reality. One where she would be successful, have a family and make a name for herself. Where she would be a strong and kind individual, one where she wouldn't need to strip or need a man to support herself. So she put on her bright red lipstick and high heels. Slipped into her see through blouse, plastered a smile on her face and switched of her mind and soul. She knocked and entered the room, not careing what waited on the other side.    He saw her, didn't care what her name was or what her story was, just ripped through her clothes and got his money's worth. Bearing yet another battle scar, she goes home. Looking at her daughter, fast asleep and far away in a dream, she comes back to life.

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She knew it was the right choice. As she held his hand and guided him into the dimly lit room, she knew what was in store for them, for now and how it would change things for ever. He was a tall gentleman with nothing dark about his demeanouror or behaviour. She was his contrast, a petite lady with a dark gleam in her eyes. As they enter the room, she pushes him ever so gently to get a reaction, but gets nothing. Nothing besides a little gasp he let's go, when he sees that the lady was now in charge. He let her. An aphrodisiac he thought. She let him into her life, into her past and showed him all her scars. She waited for him to scream bloody murder and run. But he didn't, yet. He seemed nice, but she wanted a soldier, a fighter like herself. Not somone who pacified and made peace. Though she knew he was the kinda man she needed, her want for somthing stronger trumped it everytime. He waited patiently for her to take the next step. He was in awe of her, and that put her off. Him not making a move, made things clear. This night would change everything, for better or for worse. But she didn't care, she still had a lot of fight left in her. She gave him a look that made his core quiver. With a smile on her face, she turned and walked away, leaving him yearning for more. She broke into a run, laughing out loud.

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"Well behaved women rarely make history" - Eleanor Roosevelt Hi guys, come check out my stall at @treehuggerzclub Mini Fair happiness on the 10th of March. Lots of new stuff ❤ #womans #womansmarch #innergoddess #brave #empowerment #luna #divinefeminine #artists #art #hyderabaddiaries #hyderabad #hyderabadartists #womansday #graffiti #wallart #wall #murals #mural (at Hyderabad)

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When the canvas isn't big enough to paint...

Guess who's back from her soul vacation??? Me!!!! Stay tuned for all my new work.. #soul #spiritual #soulvacation #art #nudeart #woman #innerpeace #hyderabad #hyderabaddiaries #gokarna #goa #mumbai #backtowork #hyderabadartists #innergoddess (at Hyderabad)

Rise Up

She smiled looking at herself in the mirror. She wasn't the prettiest..not with all those scars. But who defines what real beauty is? To all that knew her strength, she was a hero..to her children, she was the greatest..she was brave. Years before, she would stare at her self in the mirror, a young woman with so many prospects. A man by her side and love in her heart. She let him define her. But it wasn't long before he broke her heart and most unfortunately, her spirit. She gave in and gave up. She was a mother and she cared for them and only them. Pushed around, hurt and bled for her kith and kin, she put up with it all and continued to burn down. She didn't know she could fight back, she didn't know she should. Till her little one yelped in pain and she knew of her inner strength, her Shakti. Frail and broken, she fought for justice and for a better tomorrow, For herself and all that was hers. When she loved, she gave it all and when she stopped, it was apocalypse. But now, years after..she at her reflection in the mirror , smiled and thought to herself, ' I have been scarred, beat up and burnt down to ashes, but I'm a Phoenix, and I will always Rise Up'.

"I break and I straighten up, I'm delicate and resilient, I love and I am love." - Dhaarithri #hyderabaddiaries #riseup #pheonix #treehuggersclubhyd #thchyd #art #nude #nudeart #innerpeace #innerstrength #womenpower #girlpower