I just heard Lucy Dacus “Kissing Lessons” for the first time in my life, I think I'll never be the same.

It's been on loop for half an hour now I think. It's insane, every time I hear a song from her I take it a religious experience. I've know her for so long, but her music feels so personal and her voice cuts so deep it wrecks me apart.

It's the 3rd song? maybe? I've heard complete from her, that's how serious and painful it's for me. It's like I'm facing my ghost anytime a song from her comes on.

With Kissing Lessons, god I don't know. I'm still a teenager, I'm still at school, and I'm still in love with my best friend. She was in fact my first kiss, everything is so complicated when it's about us but when it happened she was already falling for her stupid asshole misogynistic boyfriend, and it hurts, it still hurts so much. We never really talked, and I can't be completely honest with her when I know she's with him, it's not the same with me ever since she's with him, it makes me wonder a lot of things. A few days ago I confessed that the first time we kiss, I wasn't over her yet (we were really young and it's a long story), she asked me if I wanted to say anything else to her, I think she knew at that moment, I felt like an open book, so vulnerable.

We haven't talk about it ever since, I cried in her arms that day. It's the first time we actually acknowledged a couple of things in years, but it wasn't enough, and she's still with him even though she told me her worries about him cheating on her earlier that day and it sucks. I just want to be okay, and I want her to care.

cruelty is so easy. youre not special for choosing it

constantly thinking about flickergate

still images below the cut because the gifs turned out extra crispy on tumblr