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kipsa-ahoy · 21 hours

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Have you ever been to earth?

On earth, we use the word “burrito” to describe a tortilla filled with things you eat. Pretty simple stuff, and I’m surprised you at least got that part right. My burrito was, in fact, filled with food. In this, you and I agree and are friends. But this is also where my lifelong hatred begins for you and anyone else whose brain has been repeatedly scrubbed with the same mixture of bleach and Pop Rocks as yours has. Because that should have killed you, but left you around long enough to do what you did to me today. Let me explain:

You’re an idiot.

Let me further explain:

Burritos are eaten from one end to the other. So that means when you assemble a burrito with motherfucking ZONES of ingredients going that direction, you create a disgusting experience for the burrito’s end user. When you make a burrito, you should put the ingredients in layerslengthwise. That way, every bite has AT LEAST A FUCKING CHANCE of getting at least two types of ingredients, and there is little chance of becoming almost hopelessly trapped in a goddamned cilantro cavern.

Have you ever eaten one of the things you make all fucking day? You should try one. They are pretty good WHEN YOU ARE NOT WILLING YOURSELF THROUGH THE FUCKING EMPIRE OF SOUR CREAM ONLY TO END UP IN LETTUCE COUNTRY.

When you eat a burrito, you don’t stand it up and bite down on it lengthwise like a fucking Rancor. Humans can’t usually dislocate their jaws, and I’m not a fucking pelican. But you must think that’s how it’s done, since that would be THE ONLY FUCKING WAY to take a bite of your crapstrosity and have it taste like a burrito.

And guess what else, player? You probably can’t guess anything, because I’m pretty sure you’re just a mop with a hat on it that fell over and spilled some shit into a tortilla, but just in case, here’s what:

Humans also don’t eat burritos like fucking corn on the cob. Like a fucking typewriter from one end to the other a little at a time and then DING next line. But today I wish I had tried that. Because at least THEN I would be able to eat some rice, then beans, then be all like HEY BEANS I’LL BE RIGHT BACK JUST GOING OVER HERE TO THE GUACAMOLE FOR A SECOND.

Nope.

My experience was more like HEY BEANS IT’S JUST GOING TO BE YOU AND I FOR A MINUTE UNTIL I CAN FUCKING EXCAVATE THE RICE FROM BENEATH YOU BUT BY THEN YOU WILL BE A FADING MEMORY OH HEY I WAS WRONG I’M IN THE FUCKING CHEESEOSPHERE NOW RICE MUST BE NEXT I HOPE IT’S NOT ANOTHER FUCKING SALSA POCKET.

You built this thing like a fucking pack of LifeSavers.

And don’t even fucking think I’m about to open this shit up and re-engineer your nonsense 90 degrees. I ALREADY PUT A HOLE IN IT WITH MY FUCKING MOUTH. YEAH. THAT’S HOW I DISCOVERED YOU FUCKING SUCK AT LOOKING AT THINGS. I AM NOT GOING TO DO FUCKING TORTILLA ORIGAMI TO GET THIS SHIT BACK TOGETHER, ONLY TO END UP WITH A BURRITO THAT’S BEEN SHOT IN THE GUT AND IS BLEEDING YOUR INEPTITUDE.

What’s that? I should ask you to mix it up first next time? IS THIS JAMBA JUICE? I DON’T WANT TO DRINK MY FUCKING BURRITO THROUGH A BENDY STRAW, AND I DON’T WANT A PILE OF BURRITO SOUP IN A FLOUR CAN.

I just want a burrito.

In conclusion:

You’re the worst thing that has ever happened to the universe, you owe everyone everywhere an apology for this burritobomination, and I hope your babies look like monkeys.

UPDATE FOR EVERYONE WHO SAID “JUST EAT IT WITH A FORK”:

A fucking fork?

I DIDN’T ORDER THE FUCKING COBBURRITO SALAD.

If anyone ever handed me a burrito with a fork, THEY WOULD BE WEARING A BRAND NEW BURRITO HAT FROM MY FALL COLLECTION TEN SECONDS LATER.

That’s like buying a car and having them hand you a fucking wrench with the keys. Like YEAH WE KNOW THIS MOTHERFUCKER’S GOING TO EXPLODE AND BE SPREAD ACROSS EIGHT LANES AS SOON AS YOU HIT THE GAS, BUT SHIT, WE GAVE YOU A WRENCH, SO BE COOL.

Jesus already gave me two burrito forks. One at the end of each arm. They’re called fucking HANDS.

A fork. My god. I haven’t cried since I was six, but I’m fucking sobbing now.

People eat burritos with forks?

God is sorry he made us.

(Source)

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kipsa-ahoy · 21 hours

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If I have a nickel for everytime I got obsessed with a hc robots au I'd actually have a few nickels, this time it's @wasyago recks au!!

Also this drawing is based off the race he lost his eye at but technically not because his eye is already robotificated, FORGIVE ME PLEASE 🙏

#mcyt #hermitcraft #art #fanart #my art #procreate #ethoslab #etho fanart #recks au #recks!etho #digital art #illustration #hermitcraft fanart #hermitblr #digital painting #etho

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kipsa-ahoy · 5 days

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My Tangotek s9 cosplay I did late last year and recently went to a convention and actually took photos!!! the cosplay is heavily inspired by @weaselmcdiesel tangotek drawing!:)

also while trying to figure out what to do for the cape to make it cool and magical, ended up with lights:) so at night its very cool!!

#WOW #this is incredible #your really did that and you did it WELL!!#props to you op

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kipsa-ahoy · 9 days

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We were playing in the sand.. now it's painted red

#aw dude what a amazing style....#i love this color work and the way op made the subjet POP #!!!!!!!!!!!!

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kipsa-ahoy · 11 days

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i hate to e-beg but if you like my work in any form, you should consider commissioning me or sending a kofi so i can get some food that isnt ramen. handful of art examples under the cut

#art #artists on tumblr #artist #commissions

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kipsa-ahoy · 12 days

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people are way too comfortable being dismissive of children and teenagers. if a toddler comes up to you and starts explaining skibidi toilet lore or if a 13 year old asks you if you want to hear about their mha ocs you have to listen with utmost sincerity or at least pretend to. this is the only way you will get into heaven.

#“its the only way tou get into heavan”

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kipsa-ahoy · 13 days

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some new and improved photos of the bone mage xisuma cosplay!

now with a fresh coat of paint, a pauldron, AND the bone mage battleaxe :D

#WHAT.#IV NEVER SEEN A X COSPLAY SO GOOD #I WISH YOU COULD HAVE SEEN MY FACE WHEN I FIRST SAW THIS #JAW ACTUALLY DROPPED #HOLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY #PLEASE GO IN DEPTH ON HOW EVERY LITTEL PART OF THIS WAS MADE #/WHERE YOU GOT PARTS #WOW IM TRYING TO BE LIKE YOU OP

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kipsa-ahoy · 20 days

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#i mostly feel it necessary to add to these god awful tags #GO WHITE BOY GO GO GO GO #this sassy ass look is what you get from across the gay bar when he heard your more into ninjas then redstoners

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kipsa-ahoy · 20 days

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Finally drew my xisuma (+ evil xisuma) design

#you are not alone in the robot xisuma design choices #And can we say!! you did it so well!!#these designs are really close to cannon but you still made them really uniqe

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kipsa-ahoy · 21 days

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Took me a sec but I made a s10 pearl design!!!

Her hat brim is supposed to be stained glass so she has a cool aura everywhere she gose ✨️✨️✨️

#mcyt #hermitcraft #art #fanart #my art #procreate #pearl fanart #pearlescentmoon #pearlecentmoon fanart #hermitcraft fanart #hermitcraft 10 #hermitblr #illustration #digital art

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kipsa-ahoy · 22 days

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Reblog if you want your followers to ask you anything they're curious about.

#i just love talking to strangers

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kipsa-ahoy · 28 days

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Doodlin' the local gargoyle

#GOSH!!!!! Oh my goodness #is this tanguish's church?#love your art as always #i think it looks nice as it is even if you dont finish it #tanguish #redstone and skulk #art

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kipsa-ahoy · 28 days

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archers gloves vs digital artist gloves being opposite of one another

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kipsa-ahoy · 1 month

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Joel!! (to be read in the way Iskall says it)

My idea that in Joel’s cyberpunk town food is made out of local ingredients that he farms: glowsquid, glowberries, and sakura ofc! (does he have honey as well?)

Oh, and those things on his back? They are some high tech stuff that allows you to model light after anything, so it can be basically used for carrying berries, or transform into an elytra!

#woaw op #this is genius #i love the food you designed #what a cool idea #mcyt #hermitcraft #art #fanart #my art #procreate #ethoslab #smallishbeans

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kipsa-ahoy · 1 month

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