ive been thinking a lot about fatphobia in regards to being trans. like as someone who is on the border of mid-size / plus-size with E cups i feel like it's a lose-lose with clothes and expression. if i wear something feminine and revealing and no binder i get misgendered. if i wear something masculine and baggy with a binder -- don't get me started on binders for large-chested folks-- i look lumpy and "unattractive" in the eyes of society. double because im trans and im "ruining my feminine beauty".

and don't get me started on the "stick-thin, white, flat-chested" gender envy aesthetic.

not that society matters, but when there's all the body acceptance for women and none for men / masc folks bc "oh masculinity is so grossssss ewww" it's a little tiring. because we're forced to play this game and find a balance that doesn't exist: fem to look good or masc to be comfortable? and androgyny usually doesn't work for bigger people, at least, the popular styles. who the hell decided that a men's button up makes you look androgynous? have they met someone with a bigger cup size than a D?

of course, i have it a little easier, as a size 16-18, but it just bothers me because no matter what i do, i feel ugly and uncomfortable, not just for being trans (internalized transphobia babyyyy!), but also being fat (internalized fatphobia babyyyy!)

im proud to be gnc and more feminine. but, hey, sometimes chest dysphoria takes over and i dont want to be constantly misgendered.

good one, ed.

You’ve managed to bring history’s greatest pirate to ruin.

find someone who loves you as much as Ed loves marmalade 

bonus:

Stede Bonnet + how much he loves books

Bonus:

OUR FLAG MEANS DEATH • S01E04 “Discomfort in a Married State”

OUR FLAG MEANS DEATH ☠ S1E1 “Pilot” vs. S1E4 “Discomfort in a Married State”

episode 35

Out of all the takes and thoughts and ramblings that I've had about Our Flag Means Death, there's one specific notion that I've not been able to move past. I suppose it comes from my occupation as a queer historian combined with Lucius' scribing duties, and the journals that Stede was so devout on keeping.

In history, we're often faced with the notion that queer lives are difficult to ascertain or uncover; and this is for a myriad of reasons. The illegality, secrecy, a lack of labels as we'd recognize them today, societal obligations, people and historians attempting to obscure the lives within, and so on. But if you've ever looked into or studied queer history, you'll find that a lot of our sources rely on personal diaries and journal entries. Time and time again- and perhaps with Anne Lister's diaries as a prime example- it's in these personal notations that glimmers of queer lives shine through the historical record.

And for me, when you combine that OFMD concept- the preserving of such a varied, courageous, romantic homage to taking risks by Stede and Lucius- with the fact that personal, first-person-accounts of queer lives from history are often recorded solely through diaries and journals; something quite poignant and beautiful emerges. When Anne Lister wrote her diaries, all queer encounters were ciphered. This lessened the danger, but it in no way prevented the journal entries from being a risk taken. In OFMD, the story being journaled by Lucius is one of adventure and risk-taking and of being an outcast and stepping into paths decidedly less travelled. As the season progresses, this evolves into many, equally-profound queer love stories.

In a very romantic way, it makes me want to think of someone in our era, 300 years after the lives of our queer pirates, stumbling upon those diaries that Lucius kept. With everything in my tiny, queer historian heart I want to indulge the idea that someone will find such a poignant queer love story shoved in a box or placed on a weary bookshelf; and for them to uncover this tale of taking risks, being true to yourself, and finding love in the process.

I’m sure others have noticed but…for those who couldn’t place it like me for ages here is the piano song that plays periodically around Stede and Ed. It’s Pink’s Just Like Fire. The lyrics fit so well. Nicely done!

Ed + wearing Stede’s cravat

i appreciate ofmd’s “it’s only 1717 when it’s funny” approach to historical accuracy. pinnochio was written in the 1800s. the real israel hands should be 16. pyramid schemes. stede being in that incredibly modern theater teacher outfit. anyway i think lucius should know who lady gaga is but no one else does

i appreciate ofmd’s “it’s only 1717 when it’s funny” approach to historical accuracy. pinnochio was written in the 1800s. the real israel hands should be 16. pyramid schemes. stede being in that incredibly modern theater teacher outfit. anyway i think lucius should know who lady gaga is but no one else does