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A lot in my mind
The other night I had a dream. And in that dream, a friend of mine had taken his own life. It was not a good experience. But the worst part of that experience was that while I was going through it, I believed that it had actually happened. Despite the fact that this was only a dream and only in my head, I believed it. I believed it because I knew that it could actually happen. I believed that this good friend of mine was indeed capable of doing this awful thing and probably would if he was pushed that far. And that terrified me.
In that dream there was a message; "hope that it won't haplen again." It felt like an odd message in the wake of a crisis, but it also made sense. Because that's the exact message they'd push in the real world.
Every now and then you hear about another crisis. Another person taking their own life, another child getting an automatic weapon and shooting up a school. Each time we hear it's a tragedy, but each time, that's all we hear. No measures are ever taken to address the real issue or prevent it from happening. Instead we talk about it for a while and we go back to how it was before. And we hope that next time it won't be us. "Hope it won't happen again." But I'm the end of the day, hope just isn't enough. It's not going to stop another police officer with an itchy trigger finger. It's not gonna stop a child from taking a gun and taking it to school for show and tell. It's not gonna stop someone who's been pushed to the edge and decided to jump off. If we rely on hope, there will always be another Trayvon Martin, another Parkland. Another terrible thing. We can't stop it with hope alone. We can only stop it by taking action.
Once upon a man had a hope. He had a dream. And he used that dream to fight for what he believed in. And what be believed in gained rights for milloms of people. People who, up until then, had been told that they didn't matter. That man had hope. He took that hope and he new it into something more. And with it he changed the world for the better. And so can you. By taking your hope, And taking a stance.
On it's own, hope isn't good enough. But if we can take that hope, shape it, and turn it into something more; there's no telling what we can do.
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I have this little friend
You can't see him
He has no face
No form
No scent
No physical form or presence
What he had was a voice
A voice that spoke for only me
One which reverberated from the back of my skull
He would always whisper into my ear
Telling me the dark secrets of the world
Warning me against the unseen dangers
*
He'd always tell me where I could and couldn't go
Not to stray to far from my comfort zone
"Don't go too far" he'd always say "it's scary out there"
And I'd listen
I'd stay in the dull, dreary, boring place I've been for ages
Never daring to try and leave in fear of what could happen
*
He'd always make sure to hold my tongue
Nothing left my mouth without his approval
No action of mine went without judgement either
He'd control everything for my own sake
Keeping me still and silent to avoid all risk
My thoughts and feelings were to be kept bottled up
For to him, the things I'd say or do were barely ever good enough
*
He always warned me of the dangers of others
He was the only friend I could ever want
The only one I'd ever _need_
The only one who could ever understand me or know what was best
He'd always tell me of the mal intentions that all people possessed
"Their smile is fake"
"They only pretend to care"
"*You are nothing to them*"
I was wary of every man woman and child by his instruction
"The best way to avoid pain is to avoid others"
He filled my head with warning
Images of them laughing at my pains and struggles
Rejecting me for what lay beyond the surface
So I stayed bottled up
And hid from them
*************
Have no fear though
Everything is okay
Life is fine with just the two of us
Please don't worry
My life is happy
Everything is fine
#poeticstories#poetry#poets on tumblr#writerscreed#poetryportal#worldmentalhealthday#spilled words#spilled thoughts
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Loving you is my high
There's something about
Your smile
Your scent
Your touch
That makes me feel as though I'm
Walking on clouds
Up in the sky away from
All of my worries
My sorrows
Pains and fears
The things men chase
From drinks and powders
I get from you
But the feeling you give is
Never ending
*
Loving you is my greatest high
I just fear what will happen
If I ever come down
#poeticstories#poetry#poets on tumblr#writerscreed#poetryportal#spilled thoughts#spilled words#spilled ink#spilled poetry
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In the night
I
Lie there
And imagine
Warmth
The kind that could only come from someone else
Each time was
A different face
A different shape
A different colour
The same parts
And the same feeling that
I wasn't alone
That someone
Anyone was there for me
But one night
I couldn't
There was nothing and no one there
I became aware of the thin blanket
The meacesbliwung in the background
The cold air against my skin
That night my sheets became wet
With the moisture from my eyes
And I filled the air
With the vibrations born from my sobs
That night I broke
Because it's when I realised
Just how alone I really was
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Live for Me
I know that it's hard
I know that you're hurting
Inside and out
I'm doing what I can to ease the pain
I know you're scared
Of the things we can't see
But trust me I say there's nothing to fear
I know you're struggling
In ways I could never imagine
But you're strong
And I need you to keep going
Just one more day
So please
live
#poeticstories#poetry#poets on tumblr#writerscreed#poetryportal#spilled words#spilled thoughts#spilled ink
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Random Musing #1
Human beings are capable of limitless understanding; but we're not limitless beings. We all have the capability to do everything, but that doesn't mean we're suited to do everything. We all have limitations. We shouldn't set unrealistic expectations of ourselves as others, because we won't be able to accomplish all of them, and doing so only sets us up for disappointment.
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If Only
If only you knew
How much
My life would brighten
Just from
catching a glimpse of your face
-
How enticed I was
Just from
Hearing the sound of your voice
Speaking life into me
Or singing me to my grave
-
Or how
My body would shudder
From your touch
The sensation of your skin
Touching mine
*
If only you knew
If only
#poeticstories#poetry#poets on tumblr#writerscreed#poetryportal#spilled ink#spilled thoughts#spilled words
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I saw you as a picture of beauty
A being beyond imagination
I was intimidated by it
And yet I coveted it
And in turn I coveted you
But for a time I only watched from a far
*
When I did come to know you however, you weren't what I expected
Your beauty was real and true
Inside and out
It was clear for all to see
All but you
*
It was as if you were the sun
Brining light to those around you
And yet you stayed in the dark
*
Because the light you eminated brought darkness to you
And while you shone your light unto the world
You left yourself nothing but a dark emptiness
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Look at Me
Look at my skin
The melanin-soaked garb on my flesh
Dark in colour and complexion
Now tell me
What does it say about me?
*
Does it tell that
I’ve come from a broken home?
Without a father to mind my growth
Does it tell you
Of my behaviour?
Of my tendencies to
Rob and steal?
Kill without a second thought?
What about my speech?
Do you expect a broken vernacular to leave my lips?
Does it tell you
Can’t swim?
No loyalty?
No education?
Always high?
Does it?
*
Or does it maybe say that
I’m a fighter
That I’ve been fighting all my life
The constant battle that’s raged in my head
Does it tell of my boundless mind?
Of endless possibilities
Only limited by my own shackles
Does it
Tell of my struggles?
For acceptance?
For love?
For a place in the world?
*
Does it tell truths?
Or give false accounts?
*
Does it tell my story?
Or echoes of someone else's?
*
What does my skin say about me?
Why don’t you tell me
#poetryportal#poeticstories#poetry#poets on tumblr#blackpoetsmatter#blackhistorymonth#writerscreed#spilled thoughts#spilled words#spilled ink
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I've found my new addiction
A drug like no other
Not alcohol or tobacco
Even the like of coke or marijuana couldn't compare
*
What I've found is much more potent
It comes from no plant or chemical
No joint or powder
It can neither be smoked nor sniffed
*
It is not a thing
But a person
*
A collection of skin and bones
Flesh and blood
Memories and emotions
All wrapped up in a pretty little package
Just like you or I
But something about her was different
She had a property that stimulated the mind and body
Providing sensations no ordinary substance could provide
Making my heart feel as it would rip itself from my chest and pursue freedom
Clogging my lungs and leaving me gasping for oxygen
Clouding my thoughts and focusing them on one thing
On her
*
It was terrifying and wonderful all at the same time
*
I was intoxicated on emotion
High on infatuation
Craving nothing more than my next fix
The satisfaction that could only come from being in her presence
From hearing her voice
From the unique sounds and scents she gave off
All culminating to give an experience like no other
I hated the feeling
It was ironic really
I'd become a junky
I wanted that high
That feeling of drunken glory
And to be able to have it all the time
Lord knows what I'd give
~the time I was in love
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What Lies Beneath
On the surface
She is
Grace beyond measure
Moving with the winds
The most mesmerising thing on two feet
She is
Confident
In ways which strikes awe into all around
She has
An enchanting smile
Which demands attention
Never to be ignored
Adorned with elegant dress
A wonder to behold
She is beauty
She is brilliance
She is perfection
*
But what lies beneath
Beneath that magnificent grace
That unyielding confidence
Is a fear
A deep-rooted fear of failure
That clouds her mind
Like hungry animals
Seeking to pounce at the slightest hint of failure
*
Behind that smile
That picture of beauty and happiness
Is a ravaged mind
Torn apart by years of abuse
Worn down by rotten thoughts and words
And struggling not to believe every one of them
*
Hidden beneath her elegant dress
Is skin covered with scars
From the point of a blade
To the tip of a candle
Placed by no one’s accord but her own
All in a wish to feel
*Something*
*
On the surface
She is a whole being
But what lies below
Is a deeply broken soul
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Suddenly I was back here again
For a moment I was allowed happiness
I was allowed freedom
I was able to roam as I pleased and see the world in all its splendour
I could take joy in what was around me
I could see the beauty of the world wherever I looked
The trees around me
The warm bright sun illuminating my life
I was at peace
But you couldn't have that could you?
You couldn't let me enjoy that amazing world I discovered
You came out of nowhere and ripped me away
From the beautiful warmth of the outside
Condemning me to this space I was bow forced to call home
It was cold
It was dark
It was lonely
Now I could only dream about that place
The place I'd loved more than anything
Before you took it away
Stripping me of my freedom and confining me to uniformity
*
"Maybe I could escape," I'd think to myself
Maybe I could return to my eutopia
But no matter how hard I tried there was always something stopping me
The worst part is that it was never you
It was me
I'd come to depend on this cold bleak place
Due to some misguided belief that I needed it
Deep down I knew it wasn't true
But no matter how hard I'd push against myself
I'd always fall in fear
And force myself back
Back to my new reality
With my old one only existing as a memory
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I Want to be drunk on you
I want
That feeling
The feeling of you
To have your taste on my tongue as you pass my lips
To have that heat that comes from your skin
Escaping your body and entering into mine
I want you
So close that your scent can be forever ingrained in my memory
That sweet aroma dancing around my mind
With the feeling of your form imprinted onto mine
*
What I want
Is that ecstasy
That intoxication
That which you can provide
Not only you
But for now
Only you
#poeticstories#poets on tumblr#poetry#lustforlove#writerscreed#poetryportal#spilled words#spilled thoughts#spilled ink
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He asked me
"What happened to him?
Where did he go?
The boy who challenged the sea
And fought the very waves
The one who burned
More brilliant than any blaze
The one who’s voice
Could be heard for miles far and wide
Shaking the ground
Forcing the very earth to submit to his will
The warrior
The king
Where is he?
He is sorely missed"
*
And so I responded
"He lost his balance in the currents
And fell beneath the waves
And as they crashed into him
They took his shine
His bright light
Lost its brilliance
And burned out
And as he fell his voice faded
As the sound was trapped beneath the water
He fought and fought
But they fought back
They took his shine
They took his voice
They took his crown
All that he was
And finally
His life
He still walks the earth
But the boy without fear
Is now a man without a soul"
~Growing up hurts
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Suddenly I was back here again
For a moment I was allowed happiness
I was allowed freedom
I was able to roam as I pleased and see the world in all its splendour
I could take joy in what was around me
I could see the beauty of the world wherever I looked
The trees around me
The warm bright sun illuminating my life
I was at peace
But you couldn't have that could you?
*
You couldn't let me enjoy that amazing world I discovered
You came out of nowhere and ripped me away
From the beautiful warmth of the outside
Condemning me to this space I was bow forced to call home
It was cold
It was dark
It was lonely
Now I could only dream about that place
The place I'd loved more than anything
Before you took it away
Stripping me of my freedom and confining me to uniformity
*
"Maybe I could escape," I'd think to myself
Maybe I could return to my eutopia
But no matter how hard I tried there was always something stopping me
The worst part is that it was never you
It was me
I'd come to depend on this cold bleak place
Due to some misguided belief that I needed it
Deep down I knew it wasn't true
But no matter how hard I'd push against myself
I'd always fall in fear
And force myself back
Back to my new reality
With my old one only existing as a memory
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Every night
I lie in this bed
Dreaming of
The places I'd take you
The things that we'd see
Wonderful sites for us to behold
*
Every night
I lie in this bed
Thinking of
The things I'd tell you
The whispers I'd place in your ear
Everything from
Sweet nothings
To
Corny jokes
Just to put a smile on your face
*
Every night
I lie in this bed
Wanting to
Stare into your eyes
Peering into your thoughts
Feeling your warmth
Hearing your breathing
As you do the same with mine
*
Every night
I lie in this bed
With the painful reminder
That you're not here to share it with me
~The days hurt less
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The cracks were small at first
So I didn't pay them any attention
Instead I covered them up and went along my way
But soon I found it would not be enough
They kept forming everywhere
Growing longer and larger
Encompassing all
Until everything began to fall apart
*
I did all I could to prevent it
Made every effort to delay the inevitable
No matter how it cracked
No matter how it broke I would not let it fall
*
For this place was one I built with my two hands
A safe haven to withstand the tests of time
Sheltering me from the evils that once ran rampant around me
Providing lasting warmth and comfort
Shielding me from the cold dark outside
I wouldn't let it fall
I couldn't
At least that's what I told myself
That through some stubborn illusion I could fix it
And all would be well
*
It wasn't until I looked around that I realised the futility of the matter
I wanted to stay
To keep everything in one piece
But it was a fools errand
Trying to keep everything together
Only served to pull me apart
*
This place would come down one way or another
But I wouldn't go down with it
*
And so I left
And stared in amazement as it all came crashing down
My once brilliant home
Reduced to a pile of rocks and rubble
*
As the sun beat down on me I realised
It hadn't saved me
It had trapped me
I had trapped myself
But no more
I would no longer confine myself to a false security
And I would revel in my new freedom
~the end where I begin
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