My cat, who I've had for 10 years, just tried to fucking murder me. I am so scared of her getting my son. She has never been one to be super nice but usually she gets mad and leaves. Tonight she wanted attention when I was trying to go to sleep. I had been petting her but I stopped when I closed my eyes. She then just went totally wild. She bit me and her claw got stuck in my arm. I have scratches all over both of my arms. She got my face too and it has been bleeding. My head hurts so bad because I can't stop crying. I feel so betrayed. I am also so scared for my toddler. She always tries to avoid him but after tonight I am terrified that she is going to get him. 10 years. I've loved her and cared for her for 10 years and she just went full feral.
Anybody else feeling some real anxiety about this social distancing shit? Like, I haven't seen my friends in forever, I knoooow that it's for the best but also it's super hard. My anxiety is trying to tell me that it's more than it is, that they could still see me but they don't want to, that this is a good break from me. This is not a good thing for me. I don't like it. It's been very hard to retrain my brain around this anxiety and I'm very proud of how far I have come but this is just a reminder of how much I still have to do.
Truth. Anxiety does weird things to you, like ask your friends a million times if they are really your friend or if you are being annoying. Also makes you pull away from people because you don't want to be that annoying friend.
How can I be so sad over something that I never had? Why does it hurt so bad to make a decision and to keep it?
I have to keep reminding myself that I chose this, I made a decision and that it's for the best. I hate this, I don't feel like it was the best decision right now but I know it was.
If you can listen to love myself by @halieesteinfeld and not feel like a boss ass bitch who can take on the world, then you are doing it wrong. Go back, listen again. Turn the volume up and scream at the top of your longs.