The best alarm for waking up at 6 am ever!!! I will finally get to listen to 1989 (Taylor’s version)

Today I couldn’t wait any longer I had to listen to some Christmas music. Got so much energy and creativity going. In my dream @taylorswift will release som new Christmas songs this year 🙏🏻🌲

How I try healing and coping through @taylorswift ‘s music after loosing a child part 4

The doctor came and told us she needed to have a meeting with us in another room. When we entered the door their was a lot of people inside. They started to present them self as experts, doctors, different nurses and a priest. Right away we knew something was terribly wrong. The told us that they’d found damage in his brain that’s was too severe for them to be able to go through with the lifesaving heart surgery he so desperately needed. They also told us there was nothing else to do than to turn of the machines keeping him alive. We were asked to wait for them to finish some preparations edited we could go and hold him for one last time. They explained that they would turn the machines of take out the tube and that we could hold him in our arms while he took his last breaths. We sat on the bed with him between us holding him and we almost couldn’t breath. Then something happened that none of the doctors could explain. He took a deep breath and started breathing on his own. They tried taking more tests and kept saying he probably would pass away any minute now. We sat in that bed for 24 hours before his breathing started to get worse. But yet once again he started breathing better and his saturation got up again. This happend 3 times during 3 days. The exact same course every time. Not one of the doctors could explain how he could still be alive. We started panicking and wanting them to try more. The problem was that his brain was to damaged to endure the heart surgery. After almost 78 hours I couldn’t stay awake anymore and for just one minute I fell asleep. That’s when he felt he could let go. He passed away in i hospital bed between us sept 18 2009 and we were now parents but without a child. How should we survive this?????

Too be continued…….

Ronan by @taylorswift is my healing song that can make me cry when I need it the most. Even when I feel I’m out of tears.

The second i realised it was possible to preorder from sweden I placed my order. 🙏🏻 I’m so happy , have been dancing around my kitchen floor singing my favourite 1989 songs for hours🙌🏻 can’t wait for it to arrive late October. ❤️ @taylorswift I’m so proud of you for re-recording the stolen versions. So inspiring to see you fight back when they tried to take you for granted. Will support you and your clever businessdecisions for ever. Truly happy for you that you finally will own them all soon. 🥂

Happy birthday Vincent wherever you are 🌈🎈🎁🧸Today is our sons birthday. He would have turned 14 and i often wonder how he would have been, looked and sounded like. This time of year is extra tough and all the memories of what we went through back then comes alive again. The song Ronan by @taylorswift describes my feelings and thoughts so well and it helps me cry even when I feel I have no more tears left. I don’t even comprehend how she manages to sing it without breaking down. I’m so grateful to you for this song❤️today we light a lot of candles in his colourful glasbottles hanging in the apple tree we planted in his memory. #hlhs #angel #loosingachild #ronan #taylorswift

How I try healing and coping through @taylorswift ‘s music after loosing a child part 3

His birthday is the day after tomorrow and this year he would have turned 14. He managed to get through the night and the next day around 11 am the helicopter finally was cleared to fly. Immediately they got him in there and flew him to the other side of the country. We jumped in our car and started driving the 7 hours to be with him in Gothenburg. When we arrived at the hospital we got a room at the Ronald McDonald house. A house where family’s can live close to the hospital. We where told that if everything went well we probably would have to stay here for up to a year this first time around. From the house to the hospital room it was like 100 meters and it felt good to be able to be so close to him. We had ended up at queen Silvia children’s hospital at the heart specialist centre for kids. They explained to us that his body had some problems since his heart stoped the first time and that he needed a couple of days to recover before being strong enough for surgery. We spent all ours awake by his hospital bed. Helping caring for him, holding his hand, singing to him and writing a journal so that we could tell him when he got older what we all had been through. Everyday the staff noticed small improvements and his vitals steadily got better. We could see that he reacted to our voice and when the staff told us the machines showed he was stressed we sang the song we sang for him when he still was inside. This always helped and almost immediately his vitals got better and his heart rate improved. On day 7 he finally was so strong that we got to hold him skin to skin again. So scary to hold him with all tubes connected the every part of him. We sat there scared to move and it was an amazing feeling to finally being able to hold him again. Next there was a final X-ray planned to check that everything looked ok before the surgery.

To be continued……….

Writing this listening to Ronan by @taylorswift

This song has helped me so much and I can’t even understand how she manages to sing it without breaking down. It’s a incredible beautiful song that helps me out words to my grief. Thank you Taylor for this one❤️

Love your smirk and the smile in your eyes,

I can see you and how hard you try.

This summer has been anything but cruel,

Your surprise song versions gave us so much fuel.

The Eras tour is the best thing, beyond my wildest dreams.

So amazing to feel alive again after watching all these live streams.

I’m definitely the lucky one to get to watch the sparks fly, don’t blame me for loving this so much I want to cry.

So grateful to live life (Taylor’s version) by heart, I know it’s not the end just the start.

You create a better place in this world all days. I will love you Taylor forever and always 💚💛💜❤️🩵🖤🩷🩶🤎💙

Today I’ve been looking at photos of our son and thinking of him a lot. Now its about one week til his birthday. This time of year is extra hard because it’s brings up so many memories. After dinner this evening is was loading the washing machine when Ronan by @taylorswift started playing on my phone and I broke down completely. Crying like never before in a pile at the floor. It has always felt like a really sad song but today the words reminded me more than ever of the son we lost. Sometimes I really need too cry like this to heal. Thank you Taylor for all the music you’ve created that helps me sort my feelings when I need to. 🙏🏻❤️

This morning I woke up with a big smile on my face . I realised I dreamt of @taylorswift all night long. I casually met her at a event and she invited me to accompany her to the studio for a writing and recording session. I had the time of my life sitting by the piano listening to the mesmerising creation process. An amazing dream come true to listen to Taylor play guitar and piano and sing for hours. Waking up with this amazing feeling made my day. It still feels so real. I’m definitely in my delulu era!!

Thank you @taylorswift for the dreamy experience I really don’t think there’s anything else I’d rather would want in my life than to hear her create ❤️

Today all my employees were back after their summer holidays. So to get a fresh start I’ve been planning a day of really fun activities together with team building exercises. What they don’t know is that I’ve already this week started giving them hints and Easter eggs to solve the puzzle next week. Today for example we had a music quiz (Taylor’s version). It was so rewarding because several of especially the men were surprised that is was Taylor singing all those songs. They were really amazed by her talent and said that they needed to go home and listen more during the weekend. They even admitted that they were sorry that they had preconceived ideas about her before. This day is soooo fun to plan and I’m looking forward to it so much!!

@taylorswift the community you’ve created is amazing. So inspiring, educating, loving and wonderful. A mesmerising feeling that hundreds of Millions of people all support you in the name of love and acceptance. What a force💪🏻 together we can achieve anything !!!!💚💛💜❤️🩵🖤🩷🤍🧡💙

How I try healing and coping through @taylorswift ‘s music after loosing a child part 2

We lived really close to the hospital and we arrived there in under five minutes. It’s now around 9 am. The nurses behind the glass looked at us and just continued talking to each other. Finally they came out and asked us to follow them into a examination room. We got him out of his car seat and put him on the table. As soon as we laid him down he collapsed and the nurse picked him up and ran inte to another room. We run after and in the matter of seconds several doctors and nurses came running in the room working on him. We just stood there in the back of the room frozen by terror not knowing what’s happening. After a few seconds one of the doctors turnes around and says. Just so you know, he might not make it. Then we both fell into a pile on the floor not even being able to breathe.

In what seems like forever they managed to get him back and after getting the hold of all necessary equipment they tell us they are going to try to move him to the ICU.

Now they do a really thorough search of what’s causing this. And after several tests, ultrasounds and X-rays they find that he has a birth defect on his heart called hlhs. We find out that several of the hearts bloodvessels are to narrow and connected the wrong way. It Also means that the left chamber of his heart is severely underdeveloped. He also has a hole between to parts of the heart.

They inform us that to have a chance he needs to be transferred by helicopter to the other side of the country to a hospital were they specialises in children’s heart diseases and there he will need the first of many heart surgery’s immediately. That if every thing checks out he will have 95% chance of a long life just not like a professional athlete. It will be a struggle with many surgeries to fix the heart and then most likely a heart transplant in his 20,s. We’re also told that we most likely will have to live at the hospital the entire family for his first 8-10 months. So now all we have to do is to wait for the helicopter to arrive so that they can move him as soon as possible.

The hours went by and when we wouldn’t stop asking they finally tell us that their sorry but the helicopter hasn’t passed the i inspection and hasn’t been granted permission to fly. They continue testing several times but it just don’t pass the inspection.

Now even the doctors are getting really concerned and tell us that he really needs to be moved because they aren’t used to treat so small children with such a severe condition’s . Now they start to gather an expert team through videoconference with experts from the entire country. They decide he needs to be moved immediately to the closest specialist hospital if he is going to have a chance surviving the night.

I get to see them loading him in to an specialistambulance and then they put me in a taxi. We drove really fast for about 1 hour. The taxi stayed right behind the ambulance the entire time. We arrived at the next hospital around midnight. And now their experts were working every minute with him to get him to survive until the helicopter would be granted to fly.

To be continued

How I try healing and coping through music after loosing a child

Listening to Your loosing me by @taylorswift and this song is definitely my go to song right now. This song helps we so much when it feels like I’ve run out of tears but really need to cry to clear my head.

This time of year is always the toughest for me. The grief comes up to the surface and it’s so overwhelming every time. It’s like it all comes back full force and every cell in my body remembers what happend those days 13 years ago.

We had a great pregnancy and at the ultrasound every thing looked normal. our baby boy was born on September 6 after a normal delivery. At the doctors check up they didn’t find anything out of the ordinary. We stayed at the maternity ward for three days then they asked us to go home. Because it was our first child we felt insecure and asked to stay for another day to get the breastfeeding working smoothly. They assured us that everything was ok and that we should go home and that we could call them if necessary.

I had a feeling something was wrong but because I had nothing to compare with I listened to their advise. Later that evening we went to sleep and I was prepared to wake up and feed him several times during the night. I woke up around 4 am with a strong hunch that something was wrong because he had not made a noice. I looked over at him and he was awake but completely quiet and he wasn’t moving at all. When checking him thoroughly I realise he has blue spots on his arms and at his chest. Immediately I call the hospital and they say it’s completely normal and that he probably has low blood sugar levels. That all I had to do is feed him from a spoon if he was to tired to eat.

I went hysterical and finally they agreed for us to come back for a check up. All this time he looked at us with his beautiful big eyes kind of saying help me!

Little did we know that that first night home with our baby would be the last time we would be able to take him home.

To be continued

This amazing woman @taylorswift inspires me so much. She has the most amazing smile and she’s so incredibly funny. Even when she’s not trying to be. She can laugh like no one else and she is the most talented lyricist I’ve ever experienced . She also has the most beautiful hands and fingers I’ve ever seen. A true businesswoman that simultaneously has the biggest heart on the planet. Humble beyond recognition and a force in this industry. So beautiful from the inside and out and with eyes full of love for the right cause. She fights for those who need it and always remembers where she came from. She makes me feel things I didn’t think was possible through her music and her art. She’s an incredible writer, creator, producer and director and she continues to evolve and explore new things in ways few artist even can comprehend.

I totally love the wide range of your singing voice and I am mesmerised by the depth of your speaking voice.

Before I found your music I never really listened to the lyrics in a song. Nowadays I understand myself through them. Somehow almost all of your lyrics feels like they are about things that have happens to me. I’ve felt like that too.

I’m forever and always so thankful and grateful for what you do for so many people🥹❤️

I’m planning on getting a tattoo with the following parts of your lyric from Marjorie❤️.

It would be a dream if it also was in your handwriting and with your signature 🙏🏻This lyric as in memory of my little son who passed away only 12 days after he was born due to a severe heart condition.

“Never be so kind you forget to be clever

Never be so clever you forget to be kind

And if I didn’t now better I’d think you were talking to me now.

If I didn’t know better I’d think you were still around.

What died didn’t stay dead

You’re alive, you’re alive in my head”

T.S

I wish I could give something back to you for changing my life for the better.

I wish I could give you the freedom to live your life without those cynical clones with cellphones chasing your every step. I wish I could give you the possibility to love and date whoever or as may or few as you want without the public’s constant speculation. All I want for you is that you’ll have the opportunity to live, love and flourish as a woman without having to adapt yourself to everyone’s opinion.

Love you @taylorswift for everything 🙏🏻🥹🌟

This Saturday I took my two daughters for 8 h roadtrip though Sweden. We visited some relatives and my soon to be 94 year old grandmother. She needed some help in the garden and with some things around the house. She’s been a such important person in my life growing up so off course I wanted to help her. The kids plugged in their headphones and watched movies the entire trip. I usually spend my time with an audio book or something like that.

This trip I tried something different and it became an amazing experience thanks to Taylor Swift. I took the opportunity to listen to Speak Now the entire trip. Really listening!!!!! I spent the entire 8 hours listening to every word, learning the lyrics and sing my heart out in the car.

I continue to be absolutely amazed with every new lyric I discover. With every beat, the amazing range of her singing voice and the depth of her speaking voice. I’ve never been this affected by anyone else’s music before. @taylorswift you have altered my brain chemistry for ever. Thank you from the bottom of my heart 🙏🏻 I hope you never stop creating beautiful things.

You make this world a better place❤️

This is so true!!!

girls don’t want the eras tour movie in theaters girls want it on streaming so they can watch it on repeat and cry

Today was my first day back at work after a six week long vaccination. So tired in every cell of my body. This summer has been a new experience for me. It was during this summer I became a true swiftie! What a lovely community to become a part of!

I have always loved music and like many others listened to Taylor’s most popular songs on the radio. Now when I started to listen true all of her discography and really read the lyrics a new world has opened it self. Every day I find a new favourite. Or I think there’s actually isn’t any of her songs that isn’t my favourite. You’re loosing me, hoax, Marjorie, epiphany, New Year’s Day, The lakes, This is me trying, Maroon, mastermind is just some of my must have songs every day. To then be able to switch over to midnights, 1989, and REPUTATION omg. Songs that both can make me cry like a baby and another one that makes me feel so powerful and strong

I didn’t think it was even possible for music to make me feel this much emotions. It feels like I’ve been in a six week long therapy session for sure. I don’t think I’ve cried this much since our son passed away from a heart condition only 13 days old. Even though it’s almost 14 years since it happened I know realise i had so many feelings and tears hid away in my body. Now with the help of you @taylorswift I feel like a lot of weight have fallen of my shoulders and I’m so grateful to you for that.

Your vocals and lyrics mesmerize me in a way that I didn’t think was possible. Today the lakes long pond studio session has been on repeat all day and I’ve been singing it out loud at the office until my colleagues asked me to sit in another room for a while😊

@taylorswift you are a force, an amazing talent and hard working businesswoman. A humble and extremely generous so cool woman. So beautiful from the inside and out I would go to war for you any day and I gladly continue spreading love throughout the world in your spirit.

Thanks to you I now have the courage to be ME!!!

@taylorswift Love you unconditionally❤️

@taylorswift @taylornation

For every day that goes by, i find new lyrics that are so important, beautiful and amazing. Taylor is the absolute best lyricist and songwriter I’ve ever stumbled upon. This enormous treasure of art is my never ending supply of words to use to understand me and my feelings. Never found music that could heal me like this ever before. So thankful and grateful to her…….

Never be so kind

You Forget to be clever

Never be so clever

You forget to be nice