iridescentmemoria
Alone. At the edge of a Universe
✨Pagan🌿, Writer, Traditional Artist. Pro minding your own business. Forever obsessed about my little traumatized fictional characters.✨
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The Life of Alexandersen 395
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And it would work 99% time too!
they used to make smackable technology. you used to be able to hit your tv when it didn't work good.
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Necromancer Amulet
Concept art for The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim
Art by Ray Lederer
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he thinks because he wears cute hats that he can just mouth off to people
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@countryfriedcatboy The promised Dutch from an eternity ago.
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“good things dutch did” and then it lists him grooming john and arthur into being his lackies
I think this person in repost answered your question perfectly.
Also the word groom is abhorrently overused and misused. It’s supposed to mean adults make friends with and influence minors with the sexual intentions in mind - and I see nothing even slightly hinting this in canon.
Find another word, or words. Say, ‘the man made John who he is’ (quote Ross in rdr1). And, ‘We (John, Bill and Javier) were bad kids, he (Dutch) took us in and taught us to see all the good things in the world.” (quote John himself in rdr1)
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I had to reset my pc the other day and I finally got my drawing apps back on it so here's dutch van der dad and and arthur van der son.
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Physical abuse
parent slapped me to prove their point/teach me a lesson
parent spanked me as a “punishment” saying it was for my own good
parent pulled on my hair to force me to move
parent threw things at me while angry, things heavy enough to hurt me
parent trapped me into a room/corner so I couldn’t escape them
parent hit me when I wouldn’t obey them/tried to confront them
parent used a twig/stick/belt to lash at my body
parent grabbed me to force me to pay attention to them
parent pinned me down and physically prevented me from escaping
parent brought me into situations where I feared for my life
parent made it painfully obvious for me that I’ll obey them or suffer injuries
parent threatened to beat me if I wouldn’t do as they say
parent forcefully fed me something I refused to eat
parent made an attempt at strangling/drowning/burning me
parent banged my head/body into the wall/furniture
parent forced me into sexual activities
Emotional abuse
parent called me derogatory names and slurs more than once
parent said my name mostly with hatred and scorn in their voice
parent degraded and humiliated me in front of others for fun
parent insulted and devalued something really important to me
parent deprived me of something that meant the world to me
parent yelled and swore at me in anger more than once
parent blamed me for things that were out of my control/not my fault
parent shamed me for my physical appearance
parent guilt-tripped me for not pleasing them well enough
parent regarded me as a burden, and shamed me for needing them at all
parent insisted I couldn’t take a joke after I got hurt from their insults
parent never comforted me/got angry if I reached for comfort
parent punished me for crying/showing fear/showing trauma symptoms
parent humiliated me for showing excitement and happiness
parent subtly let me know that my feelings and my problems don’t matter
parent got angry at me for feeling depressed/angry/tired/suicidal
parent blamed me for feeling depressed/angry/tired/suicidal
parent compared me to cousins/other children to prove how I’m the worst
parent decided for me how I feel when it was convenient for them
parent told me that I was crazy/delusional/need to be locked away
parent threatened me with kicking me out/sending away if I don’t change
parent refused to accept my sexuality/tried to force it to change
parent required for me to act normal to protect family’s reputation
parent isolated me from family activities they all enjoy
parent assured me that nobody will ever want me
parent insisted that I was lucky and that I could have had it much worse
parent made me responsible for their well being and made me the caretaker
parent insisted that their harmful acts were all made “out of love”
parent demanded me to be available for their requests at any time
parent punished me for trying to establish boundaries
parent destroyed my belongings as a revenge
parent made inappropriate sex jokes and comments in my presence
parent denied doing any of this and insists that all the blame is on me
Psychological Abuse
parent kept pointing out my flaws as proofs that I wont achieve anything
parent called me stupid, incompetent, ignorant, while withholding information that I needed to know in order to complete tasks
parent would change their side of the agreement in crucial moment and then pretend it was obvious from the start
parent stalked me/distrusted me without any reason/invaded my privacy
parent attacked my insecurities and vulnerabilities in any argument
parent forced me into degrading actions while they watched me do it
parent threatened to leave me
parent accused me regularly of behaving the way they did
parent never acknowledged, praised or approved of my actions
parent always demanded they are right without any proof/explanation
parent insisted that they’re a great parent using financial support as proof
parent insisted that I should be grateful for how good they are to me
parent gaslighted me and tried to make me believe my memories weren’t real if I confronted them with what they did
Neglect
parent didn’t notice I haven’t been eating properly
parent didn’t notice I was sick/didn’t care for me while I was sick
parent didn’t notice I was injured
parent didn’t notice I didn’t have clothes/shoes I needed for school
parent didn’t notice I suffered from trauma
parent didn’t notice I was anxious and stressed
parent didn’t notice I was depressed
parent didn’t notice I was cutting myself
parent didn’t notice I was suicidal
parent didn’t notice I was being sexually abused
parent didn’t notice I was being bullied
parent failed to get me medical attention when it was needed
parent failed to teach me the very basics of self care
parent didn’t seem to notice any of my needs and feelings except the absolute minimum I required to survive
when I notified them of these things, they denied it, accused me of lying, decided it wasn’t happening and/or blamed me for it
Financial Abuse
parent made me feel ashamed for needing money
parent made me feel like I’m a financial burden to them
parent only gave me minimal money to survive
parent made sure I never have a decent amount of money on me
parent took the money I earned from me
parent used the money to blackmail me (if you continue this way let’s see who will pay for your bus ticket!)
parent insisted since they “pay for my stuff” they have the right to control my behaviour and actions
parent had enough money for luxury but kept me without anything
parent refused to get my medicine/get me medical attention because it’s too expensive while they got everything for themselves
parent would keep me anxious over if they would pay my expenses or not
parent would make me do as much work for them as possible before they would pay for a necessity
parent kept me in the dark over family finances even when I was of age
parent would make sure I never have enough money to escape them
If you bold more than 5 things, you have been through abuse. For some particular ones, even one true thing on this list means you’ve been badly harmed by your parents. Also this list is not complete, there are many more abusive behaviours not listed here, feel free to add!
Had this in my drafts for a long time, like a little bingo card. And she still denies i've had a bad and traumatic upbringing LOL
Let’s play, “was I abused” game! Reblog and bold the things your parents have done to you! Italicize if you’re not sure. (copy paste it all and then bold)
Physical abuse
parent slapped me to prove their point/teach me a lesson
parent spanked me as a “punishment” saying it was for my own good
parent pulled on my hair to force me to move
parent threw things at me while angry, things heavy enough to hurt me
parent trapped me into a room/corner so I couldn’t escape them
parent hit me when I wouldn’t obey them/tried to confront them
parent used a twig/stick/belt to lash at my body
parent grabbed me to force me to pay attention to them
parent pinned me down and physically prevented me from escaping
parent brought me into situations where I feared for my life
parent made it painfully obvious for me that I’ll obey them or suffer injuries
parent threatened to beat me if I wouldn’t do as they say
parent forcefully fed me something I refused to eat
parent made an attempt at strangling/drowning/burning me
parent banged my head/body into the wall/furniture
parent forced me into sexual activities
Emotional abuse
parent called me derogatory names and slurs more than once
parent said my name mostly with hatred and scorn in their voice
parent degraded and humiliated me in front of others for fun
parent insulted and devalued something really important to me
parent deprived me of something that meant the world to me
parent yelled and swore at me in anger more than once
parent blamed me for things that were out of my control/not my fault
parent shamed me for my physical appearance
parent guilt-tripped me for not pleasing them well enough
parent regarded me as a burden, and shamed me for needing them at all
parent insisted I couldn’t take a joke after I got hurt from their insults
parent never comforted me/got angry if I reached for comfort
parent punished me for crying/showing fear/showing trauma symptoms
parent humiliated me for showing excitement and happiness
parent subtly let me know that my feelings and my problems don’t matter
parent got angry at me for feeling depressed/angry/tired/suicidal
parent blamed me for feeling depressed/angry/tired/suicidal
parent compared me to cousins/other children to prove how I’m the worst
parent decided for me how I feel when it was convenient for them
parent told me that I was crazy/delusional/need to be locked away
parent threatened me with kicking me out/sending away if I don’t change
parent refused to accept my sexuality/tried to force it to change
parent required for me to act normal to protect family’s reputation
parent isolated me from family activities they all enjoy
parent assured me that nobody will ever want me
parent insisted that I was lucky and that I could have had it much worse
parent made me responsible for their well being and made me the caretaker
parent insisted that their harmful acts were all made “out of love”
parent demanded me to be available for their requests at any time
parent punished me for trying to establish boundaries
parent destroyed my belongings as a revenge
parent made inappropriate sex jokes and comments in my presence
parent denied doing any of this and insists that all the blame is on me
Psychological Abuse
parent kept pointing out my flaws as proofs that I wont achieve anything
parent called me stupid, incompetent, ignorant, while withholding information that I needed to know in order to complete tasks
parent would change their side of the agreement in crucial moment and then pretend it was obvious from the start
parent stalked me/distrusted me without any reason/invaded my privacy
parent attacked my insecurities and vulnerabilities in any argument
parent forced me into degrading actions while they watched me do it
parent threatened to leave me
parent accused me regularly of behaving the way they did
parent never acknowledged, praised or approved of my actions
parent always demanded they are right without any proof/explanation
parent insisted that they’re a great parent using financial support as proof
parent insisted that I should be grateful for how good they are to me
parent gaslighted me and tried to make me believe my memories weren’t real if I confronted them with what they did
Neglect
parent didn’t notice I haven’t been eating properly
parent didn’t notice I was sick/didn’t care for me while I was sick
parent didn’t notice I was injured
parent didn’t notice I didn’t have clothes/shoes I needed for school
parent didn’t notice I suffered from trauma
parent didn’t notice I was anxious and stressed
parent didn’t notice I was depressed
parent didn’t notice I was cutting myself
parent didn’t notice I was suicidal
parent didn’t notice I was being sexually abused
parent didn’t notice I was being bullied
parent failed to get me medical attention when it was needed
parent failed to teach me the very basics of self care
parent didn’t seem to notice any of my needs and feelings except the absolute minimum I required to survive
when I notified them of these things, they denied it, accused me of lying, decided it wasn’t happening and/or blamed me for it
Financial Abuse
parent made me feel ashamed for needing money
parent made me feel like I’m a financial burden to them
parent only gave me minimal money to survive
parent made sure I never have a decent amount of money on me
parent took the money I earned from me
parent used the money to blackmail me (if you continue this way let’s see who will pay for your bus ticket!)
parent insisted since they “pay for my stuff” they have the right to control my behaviour and actions
parent had enough money for luxury but kept me without anything
parent refused to get my medicine/get me medical attention because it’s too expensive while they got everything for themselves
parent would keep me anxious over if they would pay my expenses or not
parent would make me do as much work for them as possible before they would pay for a necessity
parent kept me in the dark over family finances even when I was of age
parent would make sure I never have enough money to escape them
If you bold more than 5 things, you have been through abuse. For some particular ones, even one true thing on this list means you’ve been badly harmed by your parents. Also this list is not complete, there are many more abusive behaviours not listed here, feel free to add!
#tw abuse#actually cptsd#tw cptsd#trauma#childhood trauma#tw Chil#tw childhood trauma#tw negl#tw neglect
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Okay so i know that at this point DA:D is probably never going to come out but I'm not going to stop fantasizing about the universe. They can pry it from my cold, dead, wolf jawbone gripping hands.
What is currently haunting me is the idea of Lavellan; beaten, broken, and missing an arm by the betrayal and abandonment of her Vhenan. Following in his ironic footsteps.
Inquisitor Lavellan, after everything she already had to suffer through, becoming the leader of a Dalish Rebellion uprising against a force of destruction that threatens to destroy the world. (That just so happens to be the man she loves) Uniting the Dalish clans under her banner to save this world from ruin. Just like Solas has done to save his people from the Evanuris.
It would be so painfully poetic.
Andraste uniting all the people of Thedas to fight the oppression of the Tevinter Imperium.
The Inquisition (and her) uniting all the people of Thedas to fight Corypheus.
And then. The Inquisitor. Uniting all the people of Thedas once more, becoming the champion of the dalish rebellion. Fighting to stop the world from being destroyed by Solas. Him having to watch as the cycle repeats itself over and over like it has always done. Only this time, he's the one who stands not with the people, but against them..
Ouch..
#solas#solas dragon age#solavellan#solavellan hell#solas dread wolf#solas x female lavellan#solas x inquisitor#solasmance#da inquisition#da: dreadwolf#da:d#da:i
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"No, I don't need a heavenly home
A place beyond the clouds with everyone we've ever known
It don't matter where we go
If you were born to run
I was made to run with you
I was made for you"
Charlotte Lawrence and SYML - You and I
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Barely Breathing (But Still Alive) (Ch.5)
Dorian could still feel Cullen’s breathy chuckle against his ear long after he left the tower. It stirred up one of many emotions and all Dorian could think was that it was too much. His mind and body were a jumbled mess just from his haywire magic, but when it slid so easily back home from the Commander’s simple touch, and then immediately buzzed out of control under his skin when he dropped his hand…it made Dorian frustrated. Which in turn made his magic more unstable. He would compare it to when he was still learning how to control his magic as a child, but even though it was never like this. As a child it sat patiently waiting for his call, coiled comfortably within him, but now it couldn't find that spot anymore. It was as if his outburst at Haven shattered its space.
And now he had to find that space for it again.
So he started simple. He first found his room that the Inquisitor kindly pointed out to him, and after that, he found his way to Skyhold’s library and requisitioned the alcove at the top of the stairs as his. If he couldn't use magic, he would at least make himself useful with research. But candles were scarce and he tried a magelight again. It flickered uselessly in his palm and Dorian could feel that his magic was confused with the command. It swirled curiously around, as if peering at the space it was supposed to occupy and then looking back at him like a confused mabari pup.
The thought was laughable and made him even more frustrated to the point that he physically shook his hand in the hopes that it would do something. It didn't, of course. His magic simply vibrated under his skin as if it was just as frustrated with him, and then he felt…a prodding? It was nothing like his magic, somehow foreign but familiar, but not part of him. His magic settled enough that Dorian temporarily gave up and deigned to use the half spent candles in his alcove, and the prodding eventually stopped.
He busied himself with tossing any books that were useless to his cause–which was a good majority of them–until he was graced by the Inquisitor's presence. Inquisitor. A fitting title bestowed upon the Herald while Dorian was taking his beauty nap.
“You look better,” he says in greeting, and Dorian snorts.
“That remains to be seen. Unless you're referring to the fact that I'm not bleeding out of my eyeballs, then yes, I am better,” Dorian steals a glance at the man and finds him looking less than impressed and he sighs. “With everything that's happening, I think that's a bit of a win don't you think?”
“Cullen says the two of you have spoken…and that he explained how he helped you,” Trevelyan says. “Considering that his tower isn't engulfed in flames, the conversation went well enough.”
Dorian frowns as he tosses another book over his shoulder. “Helped me? Yes, I suppose so. I wonder if it was the right thing to do.”
“Dorian–”
The mage drops the next book before folding his arms and leaning against the bookcase. “As I am right now, I am nearly useless. The Commander saved me with a leash. He says he only sees it as a connection but it is a leash. He told me about the phylacteries and it's the same thing,” Dorian wanted to hiss and spit, but, “...but I can't fault him. He did the only thing he could think of and he didn't even know if it would work.”
“He could have made you Tranquil,” Trevelyan says softly and Dorian looks away.
“I know. In some depraved way, I guess this is better than that.” Dorian admits. “I have…too many feelings to sort through. All of which make my situation too stubborn to yield.” He holds out a hand to try for a magelight again but it still fizzled. Much to his frustration.
The Inquisitor smiles kindly. “You've barely recovered enough to stand. I'm sure this just needs time too. And this leash…if it really was one, I don't think Cullen would let you out of his sight. You're free to come and go as you please. Just like before.”
“I suppose we'll have to see,” Dorian mumbles as he turns back towards the bookcase. The Inquisitor leaves after a reassuring hand on his shoulder and Dorian exhales heavily.
It seemed time was taunting him.
He spent it perusing the books until he was satisfied that the shelves nearest him were finally deprived of useless drivel, and he was forced to leave the library. The candles had completely burnt out and he had no other alternative, so he left in search of food. He recalled the tavern he passed after he left the infirmary just the day before and made his way to the small building, side stepping the piles of debris around the castle grounds, and meeting a wall of heat and alcohol as soon as he opened the door.
Wine was something that easily called to his battered soul and Dorian didn't waste any time ordering a bottle from Cabot and taking it to a secluded corner. He ignored the glass in favor of taking a swig straight from the bottle and ignoring the strange glances he was receiving. It was to be expected. And easy to ignore the more he drank the swill that passed as alcohol in the south. If he was lucky, it was only because Skyhold had very little and alcohol was low on the list of requisitions. Dorian would just have to find some sort of civilized town for a decent vintage.
Continuing with the swill was what he did.
“Shivers and boils. It's home but not serene. How can one so broken–”
“Stop,” Dorian grunts out. “Some things should be kept private.”
“But I want to help,” Cole says softly. “Your pain is so loud.”
“The wine is helping already,” Dorian mumbles. “Just another bottle or two and I'll be right as rain. Thank you, Cole.”
Fortunately the spirit took the hint and was gone the next instant, leaving Dorian to his dark corner and bottle of wine in peace. He knew he was being dramatically maudlin but he figured he deserved it. Gulp after gulp numbed his being and by the end of his first bottle, he was pleasantly buzzed. He was finally warm, the people around him were obscure blobs, and his magic was…content. Fortunately. He knew drinking could cause one of two outcomes and he was glad it wasn't uncontrollable.
The buzz gave him the incentive he didn't even need to buy himself another two bottles to enjoy in his room. The first was already popped open and drank from before he even left the Herald’s Rest and not even the chill coming off the mountains reached the alcohol induced heat of his skin. The walk to his room was pleasant, even when he stumbled into a wall or two. He might have even apologized to some scaffolding, but he was in far too good a mood to care about how foolish he might have looked. The next wall he ran into was warmer than most though.
“Might have walked too close to the fireplace…” Dorian slurs.
“Maybe then you'd like a safe escort to your room,” a familiar voice rumbles.
Dorian blinks a bit to make out the blur in front him and smirks when it sharpens into the Commander's features. He was just close enough to make out the scar on the man's upper lip and to smell the elderberry and oakmoss lingering under the smell of leather. It was…intoxicating.
He never felt so high…and he had done some questionable things in his youth.
“Why, Commander,” Dorian purrs as he lazily drapes his arms over the monstrosity of fur the man insisted on wearing. “Is the leash just the first step? Taking me to my bed by it is the second?”
Surprisingly, Cullen didn't push him away. His mouth twitched into a slight frown though. “No. I've already told you a leash was never my intention,” he huffs and the smile comes back just as quickly. “You’re enjoying yourself but after watching you walk into the scaffolding and nearly into the door, I thought I might help you.”
“How can I refuse? Perhaps you'd like to enjoy one of these bottles with me?” Dorian offers, holding up the bottle he had been drinking from. “You always look like you could use some rest and relaxation.”
Cullen calmly turns with Dorian, placing his hand at the small of his back to gently lead the mage to his quarters. “You do too. Perhaps with less alcohol.”
“It's behaving,” Dorian assures him. “So I'll enjoy the moment while I can.”
“Very well, but please don't make a habit of it. We don't know if your magic will always behave.” Cullen says as he gently moves Dorian away from the battlements. Curse the man and his attentiveness. It made it that much harder to be cross with him.
And suddenly Dorian’s mood dropped a little. “I tried to make a light again.”
“I know.”
Dorian opens his mouth to give his usual witty retort but then Cullen’s words struck a chord with him. That prodding he had felt earlier…
“...you can tell when I use my magic?” He asks.
Cullen hums as they reach Dorian's door. “I'm still becoming acquainted with this bond we have but I've learned to…reach out. I was only checking on you. I know how much this has shaken you.”
Dorian slowly reaches out and opens his door, and when he feels Cullen's hand move away from his back, his magic starts to stir in irritation. Until now he didn't even notice how much more docile his magic had become since Cullen touched him in the first place. The Commander had so much control from a simple touch and Dorian could barely sleep without feeling his magic buzzing under his skin.
“Are you sure you don't want to take me up on my offer, Commander?” Dorian murmurs softly, looking over his shoulder at him.
“Another time perhaps. I still have a lot to do,” Cullen says. “Rest well for now and try not to drink too much.”
Instead of answering, Dorian bows his head in acknowledgement before walking into his room and quietly closing the door behind him. He takes the last few pulls from his open bottle before tossing it aside, but when he looks at the third bottle, he sighs heavily and sets it aside. Cullen did ask nicely and he did have a point. His magic was behaving now but what if it acted up while he was sleeping? He could be too drunk to fend off the demons that came for him more often than usual because of his predicament. He would hold off for now at the very least.
“Ferelden barbarians and their damned chivalry will be the death of me,” Dorian sighs to himself.
He couldn't find it in him to really be perturbed about it.
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