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iknowasecret · 1 day
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Bleak Beauty
A/N: I don’t usually like writing angst at all. But this one was different somehow. Still, it’s sad. You can blame @eternalchaoschocolaterain for this.
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Warnings: Grief and canon character death.
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In the days and the weeks and the months and the years that followed, the same question would cross Penny’s mind time and time and time again. At what point had she really known that something was wrong?
Had it been after dinner, when Rowan had told her and Tonks that she was going to the library, only for them to realise halfway down the stairs that the library was closed? At bedtime, when she still hadn’t returned? Or in the morning, when both Artemis and Rowan’s beds had still been empty and unslept in?
She might have guessed from the strange hush in the air, the way the light filtered in through the gap in the curtains just so. Even Artemis’ cat hadn’t been purring, thinking about it, maybe that had been a sign. When Chiara had knocked on their door and told them that she and Tonks were to wait in the Common Room rather than head to the Great Hall for breakfast, it must have been obvious that it was for no good reason.
If that hadn’t given it away, surely the sight of Professor Sprout sitting alone by the hearth had done so. Penny must have known just from one look that her teacher’s eyes were pink from holding back tears, not from the pollen in the greenhouses.
“Take a seat, girls,” Professor Sprout told Penny and Tonks.
They did so, side-by-side on the comfiest sofa. On a low table in front of them there were three steaming cups of tea and a small plate of biscuits.
They never did eat the biscuits.
“I’m afraid I have some bad news.”
If Penny hadn’t known it already — she must have known it already, mustn’t she? — then she definitely did then. Something terrible had happened. Her stomach seemed to plummet in her abdomen.
“There was an incident on the school grounds last night, involving a few of your friends.”
“Is everyone okay?” Penny heard herself ask. It was a stupid question. Of course everyone was not okay. If everyone was okay, Professor Sprout would not have been there, with nothing but tea and biscuits and tears in her eyes.
Penny had seen that look in someone’s eyes before. She had seen that solemn shake of the head. She knew.
She knew.
“Who?”
Her question came out so quietly that it was barely a whisper. Professor Sprout’s answer was not much louder.
“Rowan.”
The Common Room became suddenly blurry, and Penny was filled with a tight, nauseating pain that spread from her heart to her collarbone to her throat and stayed there like a mass. Next to her, Tonks was speaking, but her words sounded distant.
“Is she hurt? Badly hurt?”
“Dora...”
“She’s going to be alright, though, isn’t she?”
“No, Dora. She… She’s dead.”
Something wet rolled down Penny’s cheek. She was crying. But Tonks only laughed.
“You’re joking.” She turned to Penny. “She’s joking.”
Penny shook her head. Tonks made a strange little noise from the back of her mouth before looking back at their Head of House.
“You shouldn’t joke about things like that, Professor. Look, you’ve really upset her.”
“Tonks…” Penny muttered, but Tonks wasn’t listening.
“This isn’t funny anymore!” she said, even though she half-laughed as she said it. “Professor, tell her it isn’t true!”
“I’m sorry.” Professor Sprout sighed deeply. “I’m sorry, Dora, but I’m not joking. I wish I was, but I’m not.”
It was probably the first time Penny had known Tonks to be lost for words. Her mouth opened and shut twice without any sound coming out. She looked like a fish.
“Well, then,” she said eventually, “there has to be a mistake. Rowan’s not… She can’t be…” Open and shut, again. “I mean, we all ate dinner together last night. She had sticky toffee pudding for dessert. People can’t just eat sticky toffee pudding one evening and then be dead by breakfast the next morning. That’s not how it happens.”
But that was how it happened. That was exactly how it happened. It was how it had happened with Scarlett. She and Penny had gone out to a party. They had flirted with boys. They drank coconut flavoured drinks and danced on the beach. And then they walked home. But Scarlett never made it home.
People could be there, perfectly full of life, one minute, and gone the next. All it took was one single moment, one mistake, one… incident.
“What happened?” Penny asked, once Tonks had fallen completely silent.
“Rowan, Artemis, and a couple of others — Mr Copper and Miss Snyde — were outside after dark last night, in the forest. They were attacked, and Rowan was killed. The others were not badly harmed. That is all I know for certain right now,” replied Professor Sprout. “There will be an investigation in the coming few weeks, and it is highly likely that the school will close early for the holidays in order for that to happen. Professor Dumbledore will be making an announcement tonight at dinner, however… Well, I wanted you two to find out before. I wanted you to tell you...” She sniffed. “I didn’t want to have to tell you this, but I did want to tell you myself. I am sorry, girls. I am so sorry that this has happened.”
Tonks was still not speaking. Her face was pale. Even her hair had faded to a dull mousey brown. Penny was going to have to speak for both of them. So, she said the only thing she could think of:
“That’s okay, Professor.”
It wasn’t okay. Nothing was okay, nor would it be, not for a long time. Right now, Penny couldn’t see how it ever would be okay again.
The girls were excused from attending their lessons for the rest of the day. It made sense, Penny didn’t think that she would have been able to concentrate on her classes. Still, that left them with nothing to do but think about Rowan. Staying in the dormitory was impossible. Rowan’s possessions were still there, her bed made up, her book on the nightstand, her school uniform folded in a neat pile on a chair, all ready for her to return. But she would not return. She would never return.
Not knowing what to do with themselves, they went for a walk around the perimeter of the castle walls. It was snowing, and Tonks had forgotten to put on a coat, but she did not even shiver once. It was as if she had become numb to the cold.
Penny wished that she could say something to help her. But there was nothing to be said, nothing to be done. Rowan was gone. Rowan wasn’t coming back. There was nothing that would make that hurt less for either of them. And it really did hurt. Penny’s heart felt as if someone had clenched their fist around it, and her eyes stung with the tears that kept welling up and spilling down her cheeks as they walked through the courtyards and grassy quadrangles where they once used to play. Gobstones, snowball fights, handstands against the brick walls, daisy chains made into bracelets and crowns. It all seemed so childish and silly now.
Eventually, they stopped. They had come to the wooden bridge, which extended out from the Clock Tower courtyard to the stone circle. From the bridge, the view of the grounds opened up over the snow-covered fields, the owlery and Hagrid’s hut, and the trees of the Forbidden Forest. Somewhere in the midst of those trees, Rowan had taken her last breath. As if she had thought the same thing, Tonks made a choking noise. She turned to Penny, her eyes wide and tear-filled. Penny didn’t think she had ever seen Tonks teary before.
“How are we going to get through this?” Tonks asked her, in a voice that was hoarse and thick with emotion.
Penny could barely bear to look at Tonks, with her uncharacteristically dewy eyes and colourless hair. Instead, she looked out over the grounds. Under the sheet of snow, they looked almost as peaceful as they did sombre, as beautiful as they did bleak. In Hagrid’s pumpkin patch, a black winged horse was pulling at what must have been a weed poking through the snow. A Thestral.
Penny had always adored horses, ever since she was a little girl, but even she had balked at her first sighting of the Thestrals of Hogwarts. She had been so afraid of and disgusted by the creatures, with their hooded white eyes and skeletal frames, their hook-like beaks designed to tear flesh from carcasses. She was even more shocked to find out how much Hagrid the gamekeeper seemed to adore them. How could anyone ever learn to love these horses?
But then, over time, she had come to accept the Thestrals. She would never care for them the way she cared for the thoroughbreds she had seen at Ascot or the fat little ponies she had learnt to ride as a child, but she had come to respect their solemn sort of grace. She had to admit that there was something eerily beautiful about them, especially when they were set out against the stark whiteness of the snow.
Another Thestral stepped out from behind the first, so small that it had to be a foal. The adult Thestral stopped grazing and began to nuzzle the foal, grooming it gently, almost lovingly. Penny blinked back her tears, and managed a wan half-smile.
“Together. We will get through it together.”
The two girls wrapped their arms around one another in a hug so tight that it guarded them from the bitter chill of the miserable morning air. Each of their tears fell onto the other’s shoulder, and each of their two hearts beat against the other’s chest.
And at that point Penny had known something else: she was not alone.
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iknowasecret · 8 days
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Judas
A/N: Jacob (my Jacob, at least) is one of those characters who is so difficult but completely fascinating to write. For those of you who don’t like an edgy boi, I’m sorry. But you should really blame @iknowasecret for this one. As for me, I’m thanking them. This was fun, in a twisted way…
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Warnings: intrigue, character death, death of a minor, conspiracy, and MAJOR SPOILERS for The Hexley Saga.
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“You have these lines you won’t cross. But then you cross them… You’ve taken a big, black, bold line and you’ve made it a little bit gray. And now every time you cross it again, it just gets grayer and grayer until one day you look around and you think, There was a line here once, I think.” - Taylor Jenkins Reid, Daisy Jones & The Six
There was a distinct chill in the night air, thick with a fog that seemed to cloud not only one’s sight, but their heart as well. Not a star could be seen in the sky, but the illuminated windows of the castle were still visible. Occasionally a shadow would pass one, a shadow that, even in the distance, looked like a hooded figure gliding through the air.
Jacob kept his own hood up, despite the fact that the station platform was dark and deserted. Tonight, of all nights, he did not want to be seen. Tonight, he wished to become as much of a shadow as the Dementors circling the castle, as much of a shadow as he was of his former self.
Would he have been ashamed of himself, had he known what he would go on to do, the sacrifices he would eventually make? Probably, was the honest answer. A much younger Jacob — the Jacob he had been when he first laid eyes on Hogwarts castle — would have thought his actions unthinkable. They were unthinkable. He was ashamed by them.
But that didn’t mean that he regretted them.
He was sorry for what he had done to Duncan. He hadn’t wanted Duncan to die. He had loved Duncan. The problem was, he loved his sister more. And when it came to the point where he had to make a choice, he had chosen Artemis. He would always choose Artemis. And that was why she was now in danger.
The Vaults demanded the price of a life, the one most dear to the person who wanted to open them. For Jacob, that life was Artemis’s. He had, until recently, assumed that the feeling was mutual, that his was the life most dear to her. It hurt him to know that he was wrong, that she no longer cared for him as much as she did for others, but he couldn’t afford not to accept the fact. Patricia had told him that, that night by the lake. And Patricia would not have lied. She, like Jacob, knew just how much was at stake.
The war had overshadowed his entire childhood. He remembered the fear, death, despair. He could not stand by and let that darkness take its hold on the world again. The Vaults needed to be opened, the power within them had to be discovered. They had to have their life — just one life, given for the good of many.
But Jacob couldn’t give them Artemis. If he did, then his mother’s misery would have been for nothing. Duncan’s death would have been in vain. It had to be someone else.
He wouldn’t give up the one he loved the most. So, Artemis would have the one she loved the most taken from her. It was the only way. It had to be done. Jacob knew that, but he still couldn’t bring himself to be the one to do it. He could plot it, certainly, the blood could be on his hands. But it couldn’t be done by his own hand.
Patricia had no such qualms. Patricia could do it. She was willing to do it. They had organised it, just so. Artemis would be sent into the forest with her friend. Patricia would be waiting for them, just as Jacob was now waiting for Patricia. She would be the one to strike the killing blow, the one that would make certain that Artemis would be the one to fulfill the prophecy, and not the one to serve as a sacrifice.
If all went to plan.
“I am willing to play by your rules,” Patricia had told him, “but I warn you, Jacob. If your plan doesn’t work — if your sister decides to come without her friend — then I will take her instead.”
Godric, he hoped it all went to plan. He had made moves and countermoves to ensure that it did so. Because he knew that Patricia Rakepick was as good as her word when it came to the Cursed Vaults.
She should have been there by now. She had agreed to meet him at the station as soon as the deed was done. It was past midnight — though the station clock made it two hours earlier — and there was still no sign of her.
There was, however, a bright white light at the other end of the platform. Jacob shielded his eyes as he looked at it directly, squinting until he was able to make out the shape of a large creature within it, powerful and feline. A lioness. The fog furled away from it, leaving the air around the white lioness clear. With the darkness and the fog gone, Jacob could see her. Patricia.
She was following behind the lioness Patronus, her footsteps perfectly in time with its padding, prowling paws. Her wand was elevated, but her head carried low, her red hair falling forward over her shoulders and shining in the silvery light.
Jacob’s legs shook as they carried him over to meet her. He opened his mouth to ask her what had happened, but no sound came out. It wasn’t often that words failed him, but now they did.
Words never failed Patricia Rakepick. Her voice did not even tremble as she spoke to him.
“It is done.”
“And Artemis?” Jacob said. “Is she okay? Is she hurt? Is she…”
“Your sister is alive,” was Patricia’s reply.
Jacob felt so limp from relief, he was surprised that he was able to stay standing. But Patricia was not done.
“But she is not okay. She is hurt.” Before Jacob could ask her how badly, Patricia continued, “She will always be hurt, after this. You understand that, don’t you, Jacob?”
Of course Jacob understood. “Better that than dead.”
Patricia only laughed. It was a cold and harsh sound, and it sent a shiver through Jacob’s whole body. He did not know what she could possibly find so funny.
“Oh, Jacob. You really do think that you’re doing the right thing, don’t you?”
“I am doing the only thing.”
“I disagree,” said Patricia. “Do you know what I think?”
Jacob shook his head. “Never.” Patricia had always been exceptionally talented at Occlumency.
“I think it’s ironic, the fact that you claim to love your sister so much that you will commit atrocities in the name of sparing her life, but at the same time you are willing to put her through a pain that you can’t imagine facing yourself.”
“It isn’t… That is not why I’m doing it.”
“Isn’t it?” Rakepick cocked an eyebrow. Jacob didn’t respond. “I really hope that you know what you’re doing.”
“I do,” Jacob told her. “She can do it. I know she can do it.”
Patricia did not look convinced. “Perhaps,” she said. “But that isn’t what I meant.”
Jacob wasn’t certain that he wanted to know what she meant. He wasn’t certain that he wanted to be near Patricia Rakepick anymore, to feel her cool, judgemental gaze on him. He bowed his head to her.
“Well, thank you. For sparing her.”
He spoke in earnest, but Rakepick dismissed him with a shake of her head.
“It is too early to thank me. This isn’t over yet.” She stared at Jacob in a way that made it clear that she, too, was being entirely sincere. “This will not be over until the Vaults are all open. And, if your sister fails to open them—”
“She won’t.”
“— then you know what must happen next. I will not spare her again.”
“She won’t fail,” Jacob repeated.
“That remains to be seen,” replied Rakepick. “You may lose your sister yet, Jacob. You need to accept that. Even if she does turn out to be the one.” One corner of her lips twitched into a wry smirk. “Do you really think she will stay at your side if she lives to see you for the person you really are?”
There was nothing Jacob could say in response to that. Patricia was right, painfully right. Too many years had passed without seeing or speaking to Artemis for Jacob to say he knew his sister well, but he knew himself well enough. He knew that he was no longer the same person Artemis remembered, the person she had loved and looked up to. That was probably why he was no longer the person she loved the most, why her friend had needed to die, why he had needed to arrange it.
Godric knew what she would say if she ever found out about this. Godric knew if she would ever forgive him for his betrayal.
She couldn’t find out. She could never find out.
Patricia let out another soft, cold chuckle.
“This really is quite the web you’ve gotten yourself caught in, Mr Hexley.”
Without another word, she turned away from him and walked back down the length of the platform, where she disappeared into the darkness like a shadow.
Jacob, a shadow of his former self, was left alone once more, standing on the platform listening to the mournful sound of the air as it blew down the hill from the castle and whistled through the station. It occurred to him that the noise sounded almost like crying, but he quickly cast that thought aside.
No, that wailing was only the wind.
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iknowasecret · 9 days
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A Rowan moodboard for @drinkyoursoupbitch Saturday moodboard challenge!
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iknowasecret · 19 days
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Birthday Headcanons
Ben- October 31st. He hates birthday parties, because everyone seems convinced they need to show up in costume.
Rowan- December 21st. What’s a better day to spend curled up by the fire with a book than the winter solstice?
Chiara- March 1st. A few weeks before the spring equinox, because she helps others but has never quite managed to move past her own fears.
Tulip- April 1st. Do I need to explain more?
Penny- July 29th. The end of July is typically the hottest time of the year. Sometimes Penny’s cheer can be a bit overwhelming (just ask Beatrice).
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iknowasecret · 20 days
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🍲
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Put out your soup and stockings for Worldbuilding Wednesday!
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iknowasecret · 1 month
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iknowasecret’s Rec List
Hogwarts Mystery
The Hexley Saga by The_Al_Chemist https://archiveofourown.org/series/2237784
Hogwarts Mystery Stories and One-Shots by closetcannons https://archiveofourown.org/series/3230115
This Used To Be A Home by SquidVicious https://archiveofourown.org/works/15430179/chapters/35815425
Hatred And Fear by A_Story_Without_Words https://archiveofourown.org/works/25119091
Harry Potter Raindrops On Roses by backinyourbox https://archiveofourown.org/works/373224/chapters/608435
In the language of flowers by dwellingondreams https://archiveofourown.org/works/14074770/chapters/32426100
Stir the Pot by Dragonstorm https://archiveofourown.org/works/32963029/chapters/81811381
Harry Potter and the Conspiracy of Blood by Cambangst https://archiveofourown.org/works/6701647/chapters/15327019
The Bottom of the Barrel Gets Closer Every Year by Dragonstorm https://archiveofourown.org/works/15370092 Hunger Games
I wanna see you be brave by Lorata https://archiveofourown.org/works/1486351/chapters/3137002#workskin
Favors by Jocelyn https://archiveofourown.org/works/36844903/chapters/91920796
Harry Potter/Hunger Games Crossover
Against the Odds by Persephone_Evans https://archiveofourown.org/works/35198830/chapters/87705361
Alex Rider
The Price of Treason by BlueberryLibrary https://archiveofourown.org/works/33099040/chapters/82166845
Goodbye Lullaby by TheInverseUniverse https://archiveofourown.org/works/28165344
The Point Blanc Alumni Association by BlueberryLibrary https://archiveofourown.org/works/32568643/chapters/80786542
Ranger’s Apprentice
Willpower by Lethwyn https://archiveofourown.org/works/9302849/chapters/21085847
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iknowasecret · 1 month
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Links to My Stories
Hello! I write Harry Potter fanfiction (slowly). Currently, I am working on rewriting the story of Hogwarts Mystery.
On Thin Ice (Year One) https://archiveofourown.org/works/38175499
Cold As Ice (Year Two) https://archiveofourown.org/works/43013388
Broken Bonds (Year Three) https://archiveofourown.org/works/45144172
Off the Map (Year Four) https://archiveofourown.org/works/50841646
Picture Perfect (Year Five- in progress) https://archiveofourown.org/works/55342183
Other stories
Thorns and Roses https://archiveofourown.org/works/44669377
An exploration of Petunia Dursley’s relationship with her sister and magic.
Looking for something else to read? Try my rec list!
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iknowasecret · 1 month
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So excited for this!
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From The Vaults: The Hexley Saga (Not Artemis’s Version)
This list has been growing quite a bit - so here are some working titles! Submissions are still open, so if there’s anything outside what is already here you want to read, hmu.
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The Mystery At Hogwarts
Not Alone At Last (Rowan’s Version)
The Secret Staircase
The Figures In The Shadows
The Forbidden Forest
The Princess and The Prefect (Bill’s Version)
Tango for Tongues (Diego’s Version)
The Portrait Of The Vault
The Chop (Tonks’s Version)
Discipline (Rakepick’s Version)
She-Bear (Rosmerta’s Version)
Afterbath (Charlie’s Version)
Return to Ithaca (Jacob’s Version)
Crossroads (Bill’s Version)
The Circle Of Khanna
Wrong, Skye (Skye’s Version)
Judas (Jacob’s Version)
Bleak Beauty (Penny’s Version)
Los Namorados (Alanza’s Version)
Any Happy Little Thought (Ben’s Version)
The Return To The Riddles
She Used To Be Mine (Sara’s Version)
Before Sundown (Chiara’s Version)
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iknowasecret · 1 month
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Chiara and Rowan
Jae and Ben
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Alright, you two! @eternalchaoschocolaterain
"Rapid fire round. Go." Rolanda holds up a finger for emphasis. The end of term faculty meeting devolved into a rule-less drinking game long ago. It was a particularly hard term, and the instructors agreed that they earned a chance to unwind now that the children are all gone home.
"Mr Kim and Mr Copper."
Pomona's suggestion is suggestion is met with shouts of "Booooooo!" And "No, no, no, no."
"Please, don't even speak that into existence." Minerva rubs her temples, "That year in Gryffindor house is already enough of a handful."
"Miss Lobosca and Miss Khanna?"
"They'd never speak to each other!" Sylvanus shouts, a bit too loudly for the space.
"Naaaaah, I 'ave good money on Miss Lobosca and Mr Kim."
"Ever the romantic, aren't you Rubeus." Minerva shakes her head in tipsy fondness at the half-giant.
"I can't 'elp it, Minnie. They're just sweet."
"I've got one." Rolanda pours another round of giggle water for the group gathered around Hagrid's table. "Murphy McNully and Andre Egwu."
"BAHAHAHAHAHA!" The giggle water laugh escapes Filius before he can clap a small hand over his mouth. "I mean, hmmmmm... I've never thought of that one before..."
"They are both obsessed with quidditch." Rubeus mutters before chasing the giggle water with a long swig from his flagon of ale.
"What about... oh, what's their names?" Sylvanus snaps his fingers. "Oh! Snyde and Karasu?"
"Don't they hate each other now?"
"Mm, yes. I believe it was Miss Karasu who set Miss Snyde's final charms paper on fire, actually."
Care to make a wager with the professors?
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iknowasecret · 1 month
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Some writers: *meticulously plan out every plot point and the tone and meanings before they start writing*
Me:
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