hyperfixations-anyone
Random for Random
A blog with the sole purpose of housing my chaotically written thoughts on whatever it is I've hyper fixated on this time.
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I think I forget more often than I should that my phone is very old and probably autistic so when I have it doing three things at once while playing music without WiFi that I’m killing it and thus it will justifiably respond by force quitting all my shit so logically I should really be more patient and chill out with the amount of apps I have running but like buddy, we are hiding in the bathroom at church while the pastors faint yelling can be heard above my Spotify playlist and you will load my entire Pinterest page right now before God finds us both.
#My iPhone 7 is but an old man and I am an undiagnosed child demanding a piggy back ride#Hiding from God#funny#story#wtf is wrong with me
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Feel things
I am the person who picks up the frogs and the snails and lets their slime trail my thoughts
Who pinches the lizards tail between my fingers and giggles as it crawls along my flesh
I am the person who lays on the rain for no other reason than to smell its ichor and feel its pelting love
I am the person who wears latex gloves when I pet the horses
Who does not like the horses
I yearn for the woods and the damp and the smell while avoiding the feeling of moss and growth
I squeal when I find the fungi that grows and lives and I do not touch it
I love the gross and the wiggly but my skin goosebumps when short hair and dry dirt touch me
I am a lover of the things I hate to feel and a lover of the hated things
I am posidens offspring, running in the waves and splashing the river banks
The sand dunes make me nauseous and I wear shoes as I step along the algae coated river rocks
I am split and cursed
To adore nature while not stomaching it’s touch
To run and jump and climb and grab
Then violently shake it all off my hands
Posidens offspring
Artemis’ friend
Autisms host
They are me I am them
I am free and I am bound
and I love to be.
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Weird Al Yoinkabitch
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Idea.
No more cup sizes. 32 A, 36 DD, 34 C. What is this? A multiple choice test on crack?
From now on tiddys are referred to by this universally understandable size chart:
A cup: nice smidge of boob
B cup: generous pinch or two of boob
C cup: fair handful of boob
D cup: American portion of handful boob
DD cup: Texas portion of boob
DDD cup: two hands, one boob
DDDD cup: ok look i don’t want to exclude your tiddy size but see what i mean? Wtf is this. 4 goddamm D's. It's a bra not an orgy,
Two and a half hands Pt. 2
F,G,H and up: Typical 13 year old anime protagonist.
Now if we could all just collectively relabel victoria’s secret i think we could really get this shit going. Suggestions and better names are welcome. Tiddys are welcome. I am gay. Have a nice day.
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Throwing my penny into the Humans are space orcs thing
Phobias.
There's no purpose or justification for them, some humans will just be mortaly terrified of something for no reason. And aliens are so confused by it because aliens are very logical species, they can’t fathom why one would be scared of something unless it was for survival.
“Human Andrew I require your presence in the labor- human Andrew what are you doing?” Asked Tuuk
“Spider.”
“Hm?” He followed the quaking crew members finger down to the floor where a small spider sat “Oh yes, the many legged arachnid creatures from your planet, i suppose one must have infiltrated the ship with our delivery of Earth flora. But that does not explain why you are standing on the table holding a cylindrical object?”
Human Andrew was about to explain himself when the Australian abomination moved causing the poor human to scramble backwards on the table, brandishing the bug spray, which he had smuggled on board, in attempts to defend himself from the small attacker. Tuuk had hoped he was prepared to face whatever shenanigans humans could throw at him, but watching the 6'2, 210 pound Chief biologist be reduced to sheer terror was something he couldn't have seen coming. Surely the small arachnid couldn't kill human Andrew? Or could it?
“Human Andrew are you in danger!? If this small of a creature is a threat to you should I be concerned? How lethal is it? Do you need help killing it? What do I do? Has it bit you?” Tuuk frantically asked, looking between the Human on the table and the potential danger below him.
“Uumm well no. I'm fine Tuuk, it's kind of embarrassing even, i just don't like spiders. This one's probably not even venomous they just….freak me out.” Human Andrew responded, with a look that Tuuk had learned indicated some amount of embarrassment.
“….. may I inquire as to why you are hiding from it then? Are humans evolved to be afraid of all spiders due to the few dangerous ones?”
“No, some people actually love 'em, I have a friend who has a tarantula as a pet, I just have a phobia with spider- it mOved again! Tuuk would you step on it please? I really hATE SPIDERS!”
After Tuuk had moved the arachnid into a container in the labratory (“it could be useful to study” “I aint studying that thing, keep it away from my desk”) he infromed the alien crew memebers that some humans are irrationally scared of certain things even if those things pose no actual threat. Just another illogical and backwards thing that if course the humans do, they concluded. However human Andrew did notice that from then on, his bug spray was always well stocked and that the other crewmembers made an effort to keep any bugs away from him fear of “another episode”.
Just wait until they learn about fear of the dark.
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