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Be In My Eyes - Chapter 30

You can read the previous chapters here or on AO3. Here we are, folks. One year later, Part I of BIME comes to an end. I will return with Part II soon because these chucklefucks still have much to suffer. Content warning: Panic attack. Summary: Finals week is hell, but at least it brings Keyleth and Vax closer... but for how long?

Vax was glad that finals were almost over. The week had been horribly stressful between handing out final essays, studying for exams, and giving final presentations. Vax barely had any time left to do fun activities with his sister and friends, not just during the week, but the entire month. All his professors became even stricter than usual, often forgetting their class wasn’t the only subject the students had, passing mountains of homework and scheduling essays and other projects they had to deliver and present within a tight deadline. The only good thing about that was that the final evaluation for those subjects was divided between the final exam and the projects, so even if Vax had a bad grade on a final essay, he could still make up during the exam. On Conthsen night, Vax was anxiously counting the hours left until Keyleth’s last exam the next day, not just because he missed spending time with her—fun time, not study time—but because that was the sign that exams week would be officially over in apartment 7B and that was all Scanlan would need to open the case of beer they had saved in the fridge and turn on the music.

Vax remembered Keyleth was still in class and that she would probably get home exhausted and go straight to studying without eating, so he closed his book and flicked the light off. He would make her dinner and keep her company while she ate, and then they could study together if she wanted, even though Vax wanted nothing more than to have Keyleth curled against his side on the couch while they watched a movie and he played with her hair. Vax loved taking care of Keyleth, especially by doing small gestures like making sure she ate. It didn’t bother him to cook a different meal for her or to leave a serving from dinner in the fridge. He did it because he loved her and wanted to care for her. So Vax made a fresh batch of miso soup that Keyleth could eat anytime and prepared tofu, eggs and vegetables so that he only had to add noodles to the soup base when she got home. It would be warm and full of nutrients for her.

In hindsight, Vax should have noticed the first sign that something wasn’t right when Keyleth slammed the door and slid her back against it. But Vax was so distracted finishing Keyleth’s dinner that he thought she was just tired, and he certainly didn’t think anything else of her tight hug when she entered the kitchen. Keyleth was usually quiet on days she got home late from school, too socially exhausted to hold a full conversation, so Vax sat by her side at the table while she ate and let her fumble with his fingers on her lap.

The second sign came when Vax asked her if she wanted company to study and she said no. He still didn’t think anything of it because Keyleth sometimes asked him to study alone, which Vax understood. He could be quite distracting. So he kissed her forehead and headed back to his room, letting her know the door was unlocked if she needed anything.

Vax finally realized something was wrong when Percy and Vex returned. They were talking in hushed voices as they stepped into the room, and when Vax heard Keyleth’s name, he turned on his chair to look at his sister and his roommate.

“What’s wrong with Keyleth?” Vax asked. Vex’ahlia was still holding Trinket’s leash, even though the massive shaggy dog was nowhere to be seen.

“She’s acting weird. She barely acknowledged our presence.” Percy answered instead. “Do you know if something happened?”

“She was fine when she got home. Maybe she’s tired. Finals week has been hard on all of us.”

“Keep an eye on her, brother,” Vex said. She crossed the room to kiss the crown of his head, then gave Percy a peck on the lips and left.

Vax didn’t need to be told twice to keep an eye on Keyleth, especially when he looked at the clock and saw how late it was. He knew her classes started early the following morning and that if someone didn’t force Keyleth to close her books, she would stay up all night studying. Again, it didn’t bother him to go out of his way to make sure Keyleth got some rest. Everything he did was for her own good, even if it meant he would have to stay up until late.

Vax wasn’t surprised when he saw the mess on the kitchen table. Books were spread open, notes were scattered, a colorful rainbow of highlighters littered on top of papers, and an empty mug of coffee sat on the table. Everyone else had some level of stress before exams—even Grog and Scanlan—but no one beat Keyleth’s anxiety.

“Keeks?” Keyleth wasn’t at the table anymore.

In hindsight, things should have gone differently. Vax should have seen the signs, but he didn’t, so he was naturally concerned when he saw Keyleth sitting on the floor, her back against the wall and arms wrapped around her knees with her head hiding between them, rocking back and forth with shallow, rapid breaths giving way to sobs, and then chokes.

“Keyleth?” Vax called again, kneeling in front of her. When Keyleth didn’t answer, Vax softly placed his hands on her head and lifted it, seeing tears falling down her cheeks and the panic in her eyes. “Kiki, what’s wrong?” He asked. Keyleth didn’t react to him, as if she hadn’t noticed Vax in front of her. Instead, she tried to put her head back between her knees, but Vax held her steady. He knew what was going on: Keyleth was having a panic attack. He had helped Vex’ahlia through them after Saundor and Syldor, and he had forced himself out of a few himself, so he knew what to do.

“Deep breaths,” Vax cooed. Keyleth was still panting and choking, so Vax cradled her cheeks and asked her again, more firmly this time, to take deep breaths. The touch of skin-to-skin seemed to be enough to bring Keyleth out of it at least a bit, just enough for her to start mumbling incomprehensible words.

“What’s wrong, Kiki? I can’t understand,” Vax tried again. Keyleth was still rocking back and forth, still breathing hard, her arms still tight around her knees. She mumbled something again, and, this time, Vax made up the words “can’t” and “it.”

“You’re safe, Keyleth. Take a deep breath in through your nose,” Vax said, demonstrating. Keyleth stared at him, finally stopping her rocking. “And then out,” he exhaled.

“I–can’t,” Keyleth mumbled. She brought her hands to her chest and throat, leaving her legs free.

“You can’t breathe?” Vax asked, concerned. Keyleth had enough strength to nod, so he extended her legs in front of her and straddled them.

“Yes, you can. Breathe with me,” Vax whispered, placing her hands on top of his heart inside his shirt. Keyleth’s hands were burning, but her fingertips were freezing. “In–” Vax took a deep breath in, which Keyleth finally copied. “–and out…” They both exhaled. “Let’s go again.” Vax kept whispering and rubbing his thumbs across Keyleth’s cheeks. One of his hands slid to the loose hair behind her ears, where he started rubbing reassuringly, always making sure to breathe slowly and guide her.

“You’re doing great,” Vax whispered when Keyleth let out a soft sob. It was an improvement from the raspy chokes that made Vax fear for her life. The hand left on her cheek lowered to her neck, where he found her pulse point and remained guiding her breathing. After a while, Keyleth’s sobs lessened enough that Vax felt comfortable to try something different.

“Can you speak?” Vax asked. Keyleth mumbled a ‘yes’ with a ragged voice. “That’s good. Can you tell me five things that you see?”

“You, the floor, chairs, the table, and the trash can,” Keyleth enumerated. Vax nodded with each word, keeping his breath steady to guide her.

“Very good, Kiki. Keep breathing with me, okay? Now, tell me four things you can touch.”

Keyleth moved her frozen fingertips on Vax’s chest. “You, the floor, the wall…” Keyleth paused. She grabbed Vax’s hand on her hair and brought it to her chest, setting it right atop her heart, and said, “And your hand.” She finished with a long exhale.

“You’re doing great, Kiki,” Vax whispered lovingly. He leaned in, pressed a kiss to her forehead and then rested his brows against hers. “How about three things you can hear?”

“Your heart,” Keyleth said without hesitation. Vax smiled at that. She must have been truly focused on his heartbeat, which was good. “Your breathing and the fridge.” Keyleth’s breaths were slower now, almost back to normal, but Vax knew he had to finish the exercise before he could let her go.

“Good job. Can you tell me two things you can smell?”

“You…”

“And?”

“Just you. All of you,” Keyleth replied bashfully. Vax chuckled but accepted the answer since he was so close to her.

“Last one. What can you taste?” Vax asked, but before Keyleth could answer, he kissed her deeply, and against his expectations, Keyleth’s tongue found his. She hummed and pulled away, leaning her forehead against Vax’s again. Her body relaxed, shoulders sagging with relief, but her hand still remained on Vax’s chest, now fully warm.

“Home,” Keyleth answered. With her breathing and heartbeat back to normal, Vax allowed himself to relax and remove the hand on her neck (although he kept the hand on her chest). “Thank you.”

“Come here,” Vax pulled in closer and wrapped both arms around her, bringing her head to his shoulder. Keyleth leaned into his embrace and sighed deeply. “What happened?”

“I can’t do it. I’m so exhausted,” Keyleth admitted.

“You only have one exam left tomorrow, right?” Keyleth nodded in response. “You need to sleep. You’ve been studying non-stop for a month, Kiki. You’re more than ready. And if you’re not, it’s not the end. You can make up for it in a few weeks.”

“I can’t. I have to go home,” Vax’s heart leaped in his chest. It’s not that he forgot that all his roommates were leaving, but it hadn’t dawned on him that Keyleth would also be going home for an entire month. “I don’t think I can pass the exam tomorrow.”

“You will,” Vax whispered against her hair. The knot on his throat was so tight he couldn’t breathe from what Vax knew was a sign of anxiety for being alone, of not having Keyleth close to him. “I believe in you, Kiki. You’re going to ace it. But you need sleep, and I won’t take a no for an answer, so you’re coming with me.” Vax pulled away and raised to his feet. He helped Keyleth up and started leading her out of the kitchen, but she stopped. “Don’t look at the table, just follow me.” He said. He waited for a sign of acknowledgment, which came in the form of a silent nod, and led her by the hand toward his bedroom door.

“I—Percy,” Keyleth tried to stop him, but Vax shook his head as he opened the door.

“It’s okay,” Vax mouthed, bringing her inside with him. Keyleth looked at him confused and at Percy’s empty bed. “He’s in the shower,” Vax explained, seeing her look. He closed the bedroom door behind him and opened his wardrobe to grab a wrinkled T-shirt.

“Put this on,” Vax handed Keyleth the shirt. She nodded and started stripping out of her clothes, which made Vax take a step back. He stammered an apology and turned, not before he saw the soft white fabric of her bra.

“It’s okay,” Keyleth said, half amused, half tired. Vax heard the rustling of clothes and then her soft, “You can turn now,” and when he looked, she had also removed her pants and was standing in just his t-shirt that fell just at the top of her hips. Vax’s face heated, but he tried to play it cool and gestured at his bed. Keyleth didn’t wait to be told twice. She pulled back his blankets and laid with her back to the wall.

“Good girl,” Vax smirked. Keyleth blushed slightly at that. “I’ll be right back.”

Vax returned a few minutes later, after finding Percy and letting him and Vex know what happened with Keyleth. She was still awake, lying on her side with her knees pulled high to her stomach, but she didn’t speak, nor did she move when Vax started undressing with no reservations.

“It’s not like you haven’t seen me shirtless before,” Vax said, dropping his shirt in the hamper. He unbuttoned and unzipped his pants but looked at Keyleth before he took them off. “Don’t get any funny ideas,” He dropped his pants to his ankles and took them off, then added, “You need to sleep.”

“Can you stay like that?” Keyleth asked bashfully. Vax cocked his head inquisitively, and she explained, “Skin-to-skin contact helps me calm. Can we do that?”

“If you’re comfortable with that,” Vax replied, lying next to Keyleth, wearing only his boxers. Keyleth covered him and then sat up on the bed. Vax tried to keep his gaze away while she undressed, but he could still see her from the corner of his eyes.

“Will you hold me?” Keyleth asked in a whisper once she was lying back on the bed. Vax swallowed hard and nodded, opening his arms. “Come here.” Keyleth laid her head on his shoulder and nuzzled her nose against him. The rest of her body was pressed against Vax’s, their legs entangled. Vax kissed the tip of her head as he wrapped an arm around her waist, doing his best to avoid thinking about the fact that they were touching from head to toe.

“Does this help?” He asked. Keyleth nodded. “Okay. Get some sleep. I’m right here.”

Keyleth was fast asleep within three heartbeats, but Vax remained awake for a while longer, watching the soft movement of her shoulders rise and fall against his chest, taking in her warmth and the softness of her skin against his body. His heart was both happy and sad. Sad because Keyleth was suffering so much from finals, but happy that she trusted him enough to let him in. In her panic-filled mind, Keyleth saw him and held onto him like a lifeline. She trusted Vax to bring her back because she knew he wouldn’t rest until she was safe.

—

Keyleth woke up confused, not knowing if what she remembered from the previous night had been a dream or real. The first thing that allowed her to discern reality was the headache that always appeared after a panic attack; the second thing was the fact that she had an arm wrapped around her waist with a hand splayed on her stomach and a warm breath on her nape. The final proof Keyleth needed was the fact that she was half-naked in someone’s bed—a man, from the pressure she felt on her behind. A small moment of panic made her turn around in bed, but then she sighed in relief when she saw raven-colored hair half-covering the tanned face of Vax’ildan, who, she realized, was also half-naked. The panic eased when Keyleth remembered everything that had happened. Even though she still had some gaps in her memory, at least she knew she had asked Vax to stay like that and remembered taking off the t-shirt he had given her.

It didn’t matter that her underwear didn’t match (or that Vax saw her bare like that). Vax had seen her at her worst last night and hadn’t been scared like everyone else. Keyleth still remembered the times her panic attacks drove people away. She still heard what people called her and told her that day when she had to get dragged to the hospital by the school’s director. From that moment on, Keyleth refused to let anyone else see that vulnerable side of her, including her father (especially her father). Korrin had more things to worry about than her stupid crisis.

But Vax found her curled on the floor and helped her. The way he guided her through the panic attack with breathing and exercises made her want to cry from gratitude. No one had ever bothered to learn those to help her before, and if they knew those exercises, no one spared a second glance her way when she started choking on her breathing. The fact that Vax did that for her and forced her to rest when he knew she would drive herself to an early grave because of exams meant more than Keyleth could describe.

Everything was easier with Vax. Coming home after late classes and finding dinner ready; having company for late-night study sessions, but at the same time someone who would remind her—and force her—to take breaks and take care of her needs; having someone to relax with, to laugh and talk and cry over her problems. Someone who would hug her and take her in no matter what or how bad her moods were. Vax was patient with her, always willing to listen, to wait, to care for her. He never once asked for more than Keyleth was willing to give and never took without asking first. Every kiss they shared was either initiated by her or after Keyleth gave her consent; every hug was respectful, and even the previous night, when Keyleth undressed without saying anything, Vax had looked away out of respect. Keyleth was the luckiest woman in the world for having Vax as her friend, and she would be even luckier if she had him as her boyfriend.

Keyleth turned in bed, facing Vax, who was still sound asleep. Even with the curtains closed, she could tell dawn would break soon, which meant she didn’t have much time left in the comfortable warmth of Vax’s bed. Vax’s bed. The idea of sharing a bed with Vax didn’t scare her, nor did the sight of his body pressed hard against hers underneath the blankets. Truth be told, thinking of Vax as more than a friend made Keyleth feel butterflies in her stomach, but more than that, Keyleth felt like she needed that, the easiness of not having to remind herself that she couldn’t kiss Vax willy-nilly, that she needed a reason to hold his hand (which wasn’t actually true). Keyleth wanted all of him, especially after knowing he wasn’t scared of her panic attacks, and this time, she was sure Vax felt the same way.

Even though Keyleth had only shared a bed (and a couch) with Vax a handful of times, she loved waking up before him and seeing him sleep. Vax had told her he often had nightmares, but every time they slept together, Vax was always relaxed. Keyleth never thought much of it, but considering that sleeping at Vax’s side eased her own nightmares, maybe her being there also did the same for him. Yet another sign that dating Vax could be a good thing.

“You’re thinking too loud,” Vax grumbled as a way of greeting. Keyleth turned her head to see a smile that made her melt in place. Vax’s eyes were still half-closed and crusted with sleep, his voice was hoarse, and his hair completely disheveled on his pillow (someone forgot to braid his hair the previous night).

“Good morning,” Keyleth greeted, turning to kiss the tip of his nose. Vax opened his eyes, giving her a look and a smile that made her toes curl. He slid his hand up to the middle of her back, underneath the band of her bra, and pulled her closer to him, kissing the tip of her nose, then one cheek, the other, and, when he was about to pull away, Keyleth brought his face in to kiss him slowly on the lips.

“Not that I’m complaining, but what was that for?” Vax asked, rubbing his nose against hers. Keyleth shrugged, “I just felt like it.”

“Did you sleep well?” Vax asked her, scratching his nails up and down her spine. Keyleth squirmed with the feeling, getting closer to him, and nodded. “Me too,” He said.

“I don’t want to get up, but I have to study before the exam today.”

“No studying, Kiki. You’ve done all you could. Studying today will not help any more than the rest of the month.”

“I need to review every—”

“No,” Vax stopped Keyleth by turning her on her back and straddling her hips. “Absolutely not. I’m going to make sure you do nothing but relax until your exam later, even if I have to stay up here all day.”

Keyleth’s entire body flushed red. She could feel him pressing against her like this, even more when he supported his weight on his hands at each side of her head and bent over to bring his face close to hers. They were painfully close and in a very suggestive position.

“What’s it going to be, Kiki? Are you going to do as I say, or do I have to make sure you—” Vax leaned further down, supporting himself on his elbows now. “—don’t go anywhere?”

“I–I don’t know,” Keyleth mumbled softly. Two could play the game. “I really need to study.” Just as she intended, Vax fully lowered himself on top of her, completely locking her in place. Keyleth couldn’t even move her hands as they were pinned to her sides by his arms.

“Keyleth…” Keyleth’s body turned gooseflesh with Vax’s sultry voice and look. Her cheeks were burning and her chest was as red as a tomato.

“C–can I at least go to classes?”

Vax glared at her for a moment, then sat up straight and said, “Only if you promise you will not study anymore.”

As much as it hurt her, Keyleth knew Vax was right. A few more hours of studying wouldn’t make a difference, so she might as well try to relax. “I promise.”

Vax nodded, seemingly satisfied with it, and started to get up, but, as he did, he turned his head over his shoulder to look at Keyleth and said, “If you’re a good girl and keep your promise, I’ll reward you after dinner.”

Maybe it was because they slept so close and bare, or maybe it was the wink that Vax gave her, but Keyleth felt her entire body burn like it was about to combust into fire, and before Vax gave her a second glance, she was hiding underneath the covers, trying to keep herself from squealing.

Vax was very keen on making sure Keyleth kept her promise, either by walking her to class or meeting her at lunchtime. Keyleth knew he didn’t do it because he didn’t trust her but because Vax wanted to make sure she wasn’t overexerting herself (and also because he wanted to spend time with her). They sat at an isolated table in the cafeteria, watching the snow falling outside as they ate in silence. Keyleth almost grabbed her books out of her backpack by instinct once she was done eating her sandwich, but she stopped herself and grabbed her laptop instead.

“When are you going home?” Vax asked, looking at Keyleth above the screen of her computer.

“My flight leaves tomorrow afternoon,” Keyleth still had to pack when she got home. She somehow had to find time to do it during the party Scanlan wanted to throw before they broke for the holidays.

“I’ll take you to the airport,” Vax said nonchalantly.

Keyleth stopped typing to stare in shock at Vax. “You don’t have to. I can take a taxi.”

“I want to spend as much time as I can with you before I have to lose you for an entire month.”

Valid argument. Keyleth blushed. “I’ll be back before you know it.”

“It’s still going to be torture,” Vax sighed. He leaned back on his chair, staring her in the eyes. Keyleth kept her gaze locked on his. Ever since their date to the botanical garden, Vax had been more open about his feelings, not thinking twice or measuring his words of affection towards her. The only thing he avoided saying was the three words Keyleth was starved to hear, but, to his defense, she had been pretty clear about not being ready, and Vax was nothing if not respectful.

“I’ll call you every day. You’re going to be so tired of me, you’ll end up blocking my number,” Keyleth joked. She looked at the clock and groaned. She finished typing the edits and delivered her last essay due later.

“I’m never going to be tired of you, Kiki,” Vax said, getting up and standing behind her chair. Keyleth put her laptop back in her backpack and got to her feet, being immediately swept by an arm around her waist and a kiss on her cheek. “The day I grow tired of you is the day I die.”

Keyleth melted into his chest. Her heart was racing with an aching need to say what was on her mind, of what she almost blurted, but it wasn’t the right time, and it certainly wasn’t the right place. “I have something to tell you later,” She mustered. Vax looked at her in concern and tensed. Keyleth knew he was running every bad scenario in his mind because she certainly would be if he had told her that. “It’s nothing bad, relax,” She reassured him. Vax’s shoulders slumped and he finally let go of her waist.

“You’re going to be the death of me, Kiki.” Vax pulled away. They started heading out, not before Keyleth joked, “For my sake, I sure hope not.”

—

The party was blasting in the living room, but Keyleth took a moment of distraction from her friends to sneak back into her bedroom. Her suitcase was open on her bed, clothes strewn on every empty spot on the blanket. Most of her late autumn and early winter clothes were already packed and ready, but Keyleth still had a few things to sort through. Winter in Emon was harsher than she expected, and some of her clothes weren’t warm enough for the winter, but she had to decide if they would be good enough for Spring. She had been rummaging through her clean laundry basket for clothes to pack when she found something that didn’t belong and knew it wasn’t hers from the color alone: Vax’s black hoodie, the one with the silver wings on the back and the three daggers on the sleeve. Keyleth would recognize the sweatshirt anywhere just by the smell of the twins’ laundry detergent.

Even though black was not her color—or any color at all, in Keyleth’s opinion—and that common sense dictated that she shouldn’t steal her roommate’s clothes, the urge to put on Vax’s hoodie was stronger than any argument Keyleth could come up with, so, instead of setting the hoodie aside to give it back to its rightful owner, Keyleth pulled it over her head.

The sweatshirt was soft and comfortable, and the familiar smell made Keyleth feel like she was burrowing into Vax’s embrace, which brought back memories from the nights they shared together. Blush crept up her cheek when Keyleth imagined it was Vax’s arms that were holding her and not her own, and that it was his chest she was nuzzling, and not the neckline of the hoodie. Keyleth felt so cozy and safe that she knew she could easily fall asleep wearing the sweatshirt, no matter where she was.

Keyleth was so entranced in the feeling that she didn’t hear the door to her bedroom open and close and the sound of footsteps approaching.

“Kiki?” Vax called her. Keyleth jumped in place, realizing she hadn’t heard Vax walk in. The music and voices in the living room were still loud enough to let her know everyone else was still partying.

“Vax!”

“Are you wearing my hoodie?” Vax asked with a smirk. Keyleth’s eyes widened and she took a step back, nervously playing with the strings of the hoodie.

“I–Maybe?”

“It looks good on you,” Vax cocked his head.

“I’m sorry. It was in my laundry and I–” Keyleth looked down, trying to hide her embarrassment. “It smelled like you and it’s so cozy.”

Vax closed the distance between them, asking, “Do you want it?”

Yes. Keyleth wanted to say. When she looked up at him, she saw the same look in his eyes he always had when he wanted nothing more but to kiss her. “No,” Keyleth replied instead. She knew Vax didn’t have many clothes and she felt bad for taking his only—and favorite—hoodie. She could not take something so important from him when he had already given her so much of himself.

“Are you sure? I can buy another one.” Vax insisted, grabbing at the fabric of the pocket on her stomach.

No, you can’t. Keyleth thought. The twins’ finances were getting worse and worse by the day. Vax had told her that he and Vex would have to work the entire winter break to save up some money for the next semester. Vax could not afford another hoodie, and to be honest, Keyleth wasn’t sure if he could find one. The one she was wearing already looked like one of its kind. “I’m sure,” She said, smiling lovingly at him.

“You can borrow it then. Just make sure you bring it back when you return,” Vax offered. He tucked a piece of stray hair behind her ear and leaned in to kiss her cheek. “I promise it’s okay if you change your mind.”

“I won’t,” Keyleth answered quickly. Vax merely smirked and winked at her knowingly.

“You said you had something to tell me?”

Keyleth bit her lip. She had wanted to tell him her feelings, but now that time had finally come, she was shaking with fear that it would be too late. “I–I’ve been thinking,” Keyleth said shakily. “About what you told me that day… that you l–”

Vax smiled at her hesitation and finished her thought, “That I love you, yes.”

“Yeah,” Keyleth’s face felt too warm, her chest was too tight and she felt like she couldn’t breathe.

“Keyleth, breathe,” Vax reminded her. Keyleth’s eyes were wide open in his direction. He brought her hand to his chest, under his shirt like he had done the previous night, and started taking long, slow breaths for her to follow. Keyleth did, and when her heart rate decreased enough that she could breathe normally again, Vax reassured her, “No matter what you have to tell me, I’m not going anywhere Kiki. I’m right here. I promise I’m not leaving.”

“I know,” Keyleth replied, still shakily. Some tears appeared in the corners of her eyes, but Vax wiped them with his thumbs. “I love you, Vax. I have never felt so safe with anyone before. I’ve never felt so sure of my feelings. I love you more than I ever thought I could love anyone. Last night, you showed me you weren’t scared of me and my existential crisis like everyone else is. You didn’t run away like everyone… you stayed and helped me. I don’t want to go through all that alone ever again.”

“You won’t have to, Kiki. I’ll always be with you,” Vax said, hugging her tightly. “I love you so much, Keyleth. I just want to make you happy, even if that means we’ll remain as friends.”

Keyleth pulled away to look Vax in the eyes and said, “I don’t want to be just your friend anymore.” This time, it was Keyleth’s turn to wipe the tears forming in the corner of Vax’s eyes. “Unless you changed your mind about—”

“Shut up,” He interrupted her with a kiss. Keyleth chuckled against his lips, then returned the kiss.

“Can we keep it between us until I tell my dad?” Keyleth asked when she pulled away.

“I can try, but I’m pretty sure my sister will smell it a mile away.” Keyleth snorted and turned back to her suitcase, resuming her packing. Vax waited, hemming and hawing at something and biting his lip until he finally blurted out, “Do you want to sleep with me tonight? Just sleep, I promise.”

Percy had left for the airport soon after Keyleth got home, having waited only long enough to say goodbye to her. She had cried a bit on his shoulder for already missing her best friend, but she understood his need to go home to his younger sister as soon as he could, but not before Percy promised Keyleth to bring her something from Whitestone. Sleeping with Vax would not be a problem without Percy to worry about, and, to be honest, Keyleth knew if she slept on her bed, she would probably stay awake all night, tossing and turning with anxiety. Really there were more pros about the invitation than cons.

“Just sleep?” Keyleth asked. Vax nodded, biting his lip nervously. “I think that’s a good idea. I sleep better when I’m with you and I need to rest for the flight tomorrow.”

“Yes, of course. That’s the only reason why I asked…” Vax teased, wrapping his arms around her waist from the back.

“Mhm. You’re so concerned about me, aren’t you?” Keyleth teased back, looking over her shoulder. Vax smirked at her, gave her a soft peck on the lips, and said, “Of course. It has nothing to do with the fact that I just want to sleep with my girlfriend.”

Keyleth turned around in Vax’s arms and wrapped hers around his neck. Her smile was so big her cheeks hurt. “Call me that again, please.”

“Girlfriend,” Vax whispered against her lips and kissed her. Keyleth hummed, still smiling as they kissed, and when they broke apart, she pushed Vax away with a chuckle and said, “Alright. You need to leave because I have to finish packing.”

“But–” Vax pouted, trying to grab her again.

“No buts,” Keyleth put her hand on Vax’s shoulders, turned him away and guided him to her bedroom door. “You are a very yummy distraction, but the faster I pack, the faster I’ll go back to the party.” Vax stood outside Keyleth’s bedroom door, staring agape at her. Keyleth blew him a kiss before she closed the door and returned to her packing with the biggest smile and feeling of lightness she had ever felt in her life.

Vax was her boyfriend.

—

Vax was an idiot. A fool in love. And against all odds, the one he loved loved him back. For most of his life, Vax had heard all about how useless he was, how he would never amount to anything, how no one would ever love him, so much so that he believed it with his own heart. Vax never thought he would be in this situation when he started having feelings for Keyleth, he never thought he was deserving of anyone’s love, much less hers, but here he was, lying in bed with a halo of wildfire hair spread on his pillow, Keyleth’s cheek pressing warmly against his chest, and her long and nimble fingers spread out on his bare stomach. Vax was a selfish man because even though he had to wake Keyleth up soon, he wanted to steal these last moments of quiet and safety with her. The early hours of the rest of the morning would be reserved for silent breakfasts and last-minute packing and double-checking of luggage, then they would both catch a taxi to the airport, where Vax would finally let Keyleth go.

No. Vax would steal these last precious moments with his girlfriend. But because all good things must come to an end, the alarm clock destroyed those final moments. Keyleth sat up on the bed, still half-asleep, but already half-anxious. The blankets pooled on her lap revealed the soft blue workout bra she had picked for the night and the flight (Vax hadn’t complained when Keyleth started taking her clothes off and dove under his blankets, and he certainly didn’t complain when he followed her in just his underwear. She was right, after all. Skin-to-skin contact was more relaxing than just cuddling), and when Keyleth pulled them away, Vax mustered all his self-control to not follow the lines of her back down to where her hips raised from the bed as Keyleth crawled over his legs.

“Shit, shit, shit,” Keyleth swore as she started putting on the clothes she left prepared on Percy’s bed. Vax remained in bed, lying on his side, watching her flutter around the room with a smile. “I still have to pack all my toiletries and brush my hair. I forgot to put it in a braid last night–” Vax didn’t say anything. Keyleth was mostly talking to herself rather than with him, and he let her be. It helped her to go through her to-do list out loud.

“Ugh. My hair is a mess,” Keyleth cried, combing her fingers through her locks, getting them tangled in the knots. She turned to Vax, who was still smiling fondly, and cocked her head to one side. “What are you smiling about?”

“You,” Vax said, sitting up. He stretched his arms high above his head and saw the way Keyleth’s eyes dropped from his face to his torso. “You’re adorable. You still have plenty of time. Grab your hairbrush and come here.” Vax said, leaning back against his headboard and patting the blanket between his legs. Keyleth rolled her eyes but did as he said, so Vax started combing and braiding her hair for her. When he finished tying the braid with an elastic, he pulled it softly and kissed Keyleth’s neck.

“Stop it,” she scolded him playfully but turned away to face him and kiss him passionately. “Thank you.”

“Anytime, my love.”

“I’m going to finish packing now,” Keyleth said, giving him a sad look before she got up and headed out of the bedroom. Vax stretched again (it didn’t feel as satisfying without Keyleth ogling him) and started getting dressed. He knew Keyleth wouldn’t make herself anything to eat before her flight, so he headed into the kitchen where he brewed a pot of coffee (which surely all his other roommates would be happy for since most of them were leaving, too), and prepared Keyleth and himself a quick breakfast. By the time Keyleth arrived in the kitchen with her fully packed suitcase and backpack, Vax was leaning against the counter, stirring a bowl of apple, cinnamon oatmeal with honey and walnuts.

“I made you breakfast,” He announced. Keyleth grimaced, but Vax said he wouldn’t take a no for an answer before she opened her mouth to reject the meal. They ate in silence, sitting next to each other at the table. Vax’s free hand rested on Keyleth’s knee the entire time, rubbing circles with his thumb with the intent to help her relax. Keyleth was wearing his hoodie (which Vax was trying to ignore because it made him want to hold her hostage and not let her go back home), but it was missing something.

“Kiki, can you take that off?” He asked her. Keyleth gave him a look as if to say there’s no way I’m taking this sweater off ever in my life, but Vax insisted, wiggling his fingers, “Please? I’ll bring it right back.” She finally complied, so Vax ran to his bedroom, where he sprayed it with his cologne, and ran back to the kitchen, handing it back to Keyleth.

“Here, I think you’ll like it better,” He said as Keyleth put the sweatshirt back on. He was right because Keyleth buried deeper into it with a pleased smile.

“Thank you,” Keyleth said, getting up. She fumbled slightly with the strings, hesitating for a moment, then finally found the courage to pull Vax by the opening of his jacket and kiss him. “This will make it slightly more bearable.”

“I figured it would,” Vax said, brushing her cheek. “We have to go. Are you ready?” Keyleth nodded. Vax placed the dirty dishes in the sink to wash later and helped Keyleth with her suitcase and backpack.

Unfortunately, there wasn’t much traffic on the way to the airport, so the ride was short. Vax kept Keyleth’s hand in his the entire ride, only letting go of it when they arrived so she could pay for the taxi and when she checked into her flight. They still had a few minutes before she had to go through security, which Vax decided to spend glued to his girlfriend.

“I’ll call you every day,” Keyleth promised. Vax nodded. He tried to keep his sadness down, but it was hard. This was the first time he and Keyleth would be apart for so long, and it was especially hard because they hadn’t had the chance to be boyfriend and girlfriend for long.

“I’ll call you if you don’t call me. And I’m going to text you all the time so you don’t forget me.” Vax teased her.

“Oh, please. You’re unforgettable,” Keyleth teased back and kissed him, but then her smile faded. “Unless you’re the one who’s going to forget me…”

“Do you really think so?” Keyleth shook her head, but she still bit her lip nervously. “Of course not. I’m going to be here when you come back. In fact, I might stay and sleep at the airport to make sure I’m here on time for when you return.”

Keyleth laughed. They both knew there was some truth behind the joke. Vax really would do something like that. “I’ll be back before you know it,” She said, hugging him tightly. Vax squeezed her as hard as his heart was breaking. His eyes were warming with tears, his throat was closing, he couldn’t swallow anymore, and his vision started darkening. Vax wasn’t ready to let go of Keyleth yet, not when he had just finally gotten her. The week they were apart as friends had already been horrible for both, and Vax knew this time would only be worse.

“I already miss you,” He confessed. “You’ve been my girlfriend for twelve hours and I already have to say goodbye to you… it’s not fair.”

“I’m sorry,” Keyleth swallowed hard. Vax saw she was suffering just as much as he was. “I’ve had this trip booked since the beginning of the semester, otherwise I would stay with you.”

“I know. I’m sorry. I’m just grumpy.”

“I’m sorry it took me so long to get my head out of my ass,” Keyleth’s eyes were starting to fill with tears, but Vax wiped them before they could fall.

“I would have waited all my life. I will wait all my life for you, Keyleth, and if I die without you by my side, then I will wait in the afterlife for as long as it takes until we’re finally together.”

“Vax–”

“I love you, my sunshine.”

“I love you too, my grumpy raven,” Keyleth whispered against Vax’s lips before she kissed him longingly. “I have to go now,” She said, adjusting the straps on her shoulder.”

“Text me when you land?”

“Of course. I’ll miss you.”

“I’m right here with you,” Vax pulled the drawstrings of her hoodie. “I’ll always be with you, love.” Keyleth nodded. Neither could stop their tears from falling anymore, no matter how much they wiped at their eyes.

“I’ll always be with you, too, Vax. I’m yours, forever and ever, and always.”

“And I’m yours, Keyleth. Forever and ever, and always.”

In hindsight, Vax should have known it would be the last time he kissed his girlfriend for a while, and Keyleth should have taken the five extra minutes to savor the taste of Vax’s tongue on hers. In retrospect, things could have been so much different than they were, had either of them known what would be waiting on the other side. But something deep inside Vax, a dark pitch that he had been trying to escape for years and that he finally thought he had gotten rid of with the help of Keyleth, crept closer and closer until, eventually, it swallowed Vax’ildan whole.

That is the problem with last kisses. Opposite of first kisses, last kisses aren’t usually memorable because one doesn’t always know it happened until it’s too late, and when one is finally faced with the truth, one can’t stop wishing they had just five more minutes of it.

Just five more minutes with her. Just five more minutes with him.

Wishing they had just five more minutes together.

#the last chapter of part one🥹#awww poor kiki she puts so much pressure on herself #these two are such cuties I love them so much #‘…he kissed her deeply’ that smooth bastard #this man really just wants her to wear his entire wardrobe #‘Good girl’ a thousand vax simps are screaming rn and I am one of them #awww they’re cuddling #THE WAY THEY ARE SO PERFECT FOR EACH OTHER #this man is such a good influence on her like he can tell she’s gonna overwork herself if she continues to study #‘I’ll reward you after dinner’ I’m gonna go scream now #‘You’re going to be the death of me Kiki.’ STOPPP😭#YESSS THE HOODIE I REMEMBER THIS #‘I love you Vax.’ YAYYYYYY LETS GOOOOO VAXLETH FANS #AHHHH HE SHUT HER UP WITH A KISS THATS SO HOT #‘Vax was her boyfriend’ DAMN RIGHT HE IS #they’re gonna be separated for so long😭#‘so Vax ran to his bedroom where he sprayed it with his cologne’ THAT IS A HUSBAND #‘I might stay and sleep at the airport to make sure I’m here on time for when you return’ I can see him doing that and Vex dragging him back #‘if I die without you by my side then I will wait in the afterlife for as long as it takes until we’re finally together.’ I-I’m fine…#SUNSHINE GF AND GRUMPY BF #NOT THE FOREVER AND EVER ALWAYS I CAN’T TAKE IT #WHAT IS CREEPING CLOSER #THE MATRON?????#THE CLASP?????#HIS OWN MENTAL HEALTH????#‘Wishing they had just five more minutes together’ IS VAX GONNA YOU KNOW I DON’T EVEN WANNA SAY IT😭#AHHHHHHH MY BABIES HAVE NO CLUE WHAT IS ABOUT TO HAPPEN AND I DON’T EITHER #I’M SCARED AHHHHHHHHH #looking forward to part 2 but lowkey scared about what they’re about to go through😭#cr fic rec

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helleboresoul · 2 months

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#girl, same (aka keyleth being dazzled by the presentation of the champion of the raven queen)

#she’s real for that #the second they got together in s3 you know she’s gonna tell him that was hot #Vaxleth #TLOVM #the legend of vox machina

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helleboresoul · 2 months

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Might make my own designs of Vox Machina based on my perspective

And yes, Keyleth is taller than Vax

#I WILL STAND BY TALL WIFE AND SHORT HUSBAND TROPE #random thoughts cause vivid needs a proper sleep schedule

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helleboresoul · 2 months

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Liam in Vox Machina vs. The Mighty Nein.

#the crush I have on him this episode is SEVERE #but then again my crush on him is severe everyday lmao #critical role #liam o’brien

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helleboresoul · 2 months

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keyleth: *breathes* vax: Talented, brilliant, incredible, amazing, show-stopping, spectacular, never the same,

#the legend of vox machina #TLOVM #vaxleth #that man is so in love

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helleboresoul · 2 months

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Be In My Eyes - Chapter 29

You can read the previous chapters here or on AO3. Happy belated Valentine's day <3 (I promise I didn't plan this!) Summary: Time to dress up for Keyleth's date with Vax.

The week rushed by like rapids, especially when, on Miresen morning, every single one of Keyleth’s teachers reminded their classes that the clock announcing finals had officially begun ticking. One month. Keyleth had one month to prepare for what she assumed would be the worst week of her college life. She could only hope her teachers took pity on the first years. By that evening, Keyleth had a meticulously developed study schedule, color-coded by class, to help her organize her time. Would she be able to keep up with it, though? She had to. The last thing she wanted was to fail a class and have to repeat it next year. She decided to try out the schedule that week, rotating between the library and the quiet apartment and inviting her roommates to study with her—which Vax’ildan almost always gladly accepted.

The exception happened in the middle of the week. Although the holiday itself wasn’t widely celebrated in Emon, the Night of Ascension was still a holiday for those who celebrated, so the University had given them the day off classes. That day, Keyleth, Percy and Pike decided to occupy a table at their favorite café, staving off the snow that fell outside with steaming cups of hot cocoa. She had asked the twins to join them, but Vax had explained to Keyleth, alone in his bedroom as he bundled up with the hoodie Keyleth loved so much and a thick woolen scarf that had seen better days, that he and Vex’ahlia had a tradition to pay homage to their mother during the holiday, so they would be going to the nearest temple to make an offering, and then go out for a meal and celebrate their memories of Elaina (Vax had finally shared his mother’s name with her). Keyleth pondered asking to join them and do the same for her mother, but she figured that it was something the twins preferred to stay between just them. Besides, neither she nor her mother were particularly given to deities.

But the week rushed by nonetheless, and on Folsen evening, when Keyleth opened the fridge and saw a container with freshly made soup and a sticky note from Vax (I hope this helps you stay warm), the girl was ready to put on a pair of fuzzy socks, her warmest pajama and curl into a ball on the armchair and read until her eyelids drooped. Alas, her dream was interrupted by footsteps walking down the corridor as Keyleth removed the steaming bowl from the microwave.

“Oh. Hi Kiki,” Vax greeted. He was wearing a new long-sleeve pajama shirt (black, as usual), a pair of black sweatpants, and his hair was braided away from his face—it was about time that he heed not only Vex’s but also Keyleth’s advice about braiding his hair before bed.

“Hi, Vax. Thank you for the soup,” Keyleth nodded in gratitude. She sat at the kitchen table and started to eat. Vax joined her, sitting on the chair in front of hers, elbows on the table and resting his chin on his hand.

“How were classes?”

“Exhausting.”

“Are you ready for tomorrow?” Vax asked smugly. Keylth looked at him confused, then remembered they were going out… on a date. “Please don’t tell me you forgot about our date?” Vax asked, outraged, seeing the look of realization on her face.

“No... I—I’m sorry.” Keyleth apologized, embarrassed. Vax merely laughed and shook his head. “Where are we going?”

“It’s a surprise.”

“Oh. What should I wear?” Keyleth asked, trying to get any possible clue from him.

“Something comfortable and warm.” The answer didn’t reveal anything substantial.

“What time are we leaving?” Keyleth tried another route.

“Do you think eight is too early?” Keyleth shook her head. She was used to waking up early, even during the weekends, so it wouldn’t make a difference in her schedule. “Then, we need to leave the apartment at 8:30.”

“Why so early?” Keyleth asked, finishing her soup.

“It’s a bit far and we need to take transportation. It’s going to be a whole day thing, so you might want to clear your schedule.”

Somewhere so far away that they needed to take an early transportation, that would last the entire day, and that she needed to bring warm, comfortable clothes? Where the hell was Vax taking her? “Should I bring anything special? Food? Entertainment?” Keyleth pushed further.

“We can make some sandwiches and bring snacks for the day. Water, too. As for entertainment, that’s what I’m there for, right?” Vax winked. Keyleth blushed and giggled, covering her mouth with her hand.

“I’m sure you will,” She teased. Vax slapped the table softly and grabbed her empty bowl. Keyleth got to her feet, wanting to stop him, but he waved his hand at her in dismissal and washed her dishes for her. Keyleth couldn’t stop herself from biting her lip at how caring Vax was to her. He had made her dinner, kept her company while she ate—even though he looked like he had been ready to go to sleep—and washed her dishes afterward. I don’t deserve someone so good like him.

“You should go to sleep,” Vax said to her, wiping his hands on the towel. He approached Keyleth and kissed her forehead before he turned to the hallway leading to the bedrooms. “I’ll see you first thing in the morning, Kiki,” he said and disappeared towards his bedroom. Keyleth stood in the kitchen, watching Vax walk away. Only when his bedroom door shut behind him did Keyleth release the longing sigh she had been holding and grabbed her bag to head to bed. Keyleth thought she was going to have trouble sleeping due to anxiety, so the faster she went to bed, the sooner she would fall asleep. However, Keyleth wasn’t expecting the fluttering of butterflies in her stomach, a sensation that seemed to calm her more than agitate her, so she fell asleep as soon as her head hit her pillow.

—

By the time Keyleth walked into the kitchen the next morning (her personal backpack open in front of her in preparation to get stuffed with snacks), Vax’ildan was already at the stove, stirring eggs and plopping two slices of bread in the toaster. On the island sat an evidently larger backpack—a camping backpack—seemingly full and ready to go. Keyleth stumbled on her feet, coming to an abrupt stop as she gawked at Vax’s bag, then at hers, so small in her hands. She didn’t have time to say anything because Vax was already smiling at her and greeting her.

“What’s that?” Keyleth asked, all manners forgotten.

“Our stuff for today.”

“That looks—”

“Heavy? Don’t worry. It’s mostly light items. I made a few sandwiches, packed snacks, water and a thermos with peppermint tea.” Vax said nonchalantly, dividing the eggs between two plates. “Don’t worry, I added a lot of honey to the tea,” He added, seeing Keyleth’s stunned face.

Vax set the plates with scrambled eggs and toast on the table and returned to grab two mugs of coffee. Keyleth finally set her backpack down—now completely useless—and sat at the table. They ate in silence, Keyleth avoiding looking at Vax too much, and then she left him to do the dishes while she returned to her bedroom to finish getting dressed.

They left the apartment at exactly 8:30—like Vax had planned—after Keyleth replaced her small backpack for her regular knitted crossbody purse with just her personal belongings. Since the sun was shining bright and warm in the clear, blue sky, Keyleth left her thickest jacket behind in exchange for a crochet cardigan with sunflowers covering a beige high-neck shirt and a crochet dark green skirt. She pondered wearing pants for a moment, but then she found a pair of thick winter tights, and her problem of wanting to look cute and fight off the cold was easily solved. Meanwhile, Vax was–well… Vax (still incredibly hot, as usual, nonetheless). He wore his regular black, ripped pants, leather jacket and boots. The only difference was that he had replaced his band and graphic t-shirt for a seemingly brand new plain black high-neck shirt, so tight that Keyleth had held her breath when she first saw him before he put on and buttoned his jacket.

They took a bus not far from campus, mostly filled with old ladies who gave the pair a weird look—which Keyleth knew was due to her overall sunshine personality, Vax’s dark and broody appearance and the camping backpack he carried—and they sat in the empty back, Vax setting the packed bag between his legs. They stayed in silence for a while, watching the city pass by slowly. People walked on the sidewalks, bundled up in their snow coats and scarves, couples held hands and stopped to watch the shop windows, and children threw balls and built snowmen in the park they passed by, much like what Keyleth and her friends had done a few weeks before, and which, eventually, led to her being in that empty bus, sitting so close to her crush—more than that, actually—that she could practically hear his heart beating in his chest.

“It’s such a nice day,” Keyleth said, more to herself than to him. Vax hummed. His hand found hers on her lap and he took it, intertwining his fingers with hers. Keyleth still looked out the window, now more to try to hide the blush in her cheeks at the gesture. Vax had been so touchy since last weekend… since he shared so much of his life with her. It was like he couldn’t bear to not touch Keyleth, as if her skin on his calmed him. Keyleth wasn’t complaining. She loved every touch, every chill down her spine, every kernel of warmth and softness that emanated from Vax, and she never wanted it to end.

“Is this the part where you kidnap me?” Keyleth asked twenty minutes later when the city landscape outside had given room to large fields and forests. They had officially been out of the city limits for five minutes, and she still didn’t know where Vax was taking her.

“What if it is?” Vax teased, wiggling his eyebrows and smiling mischievously at her.

“Then I regret to inform you that my father will not yield to any ransom requests. Unless you would like a chicken or two in exchange for giving me back.”

Vax snorted and brought her hands to his lips. He kissed each knuckle softly and then said, “I doubt your father wouldn’t give all the money in the world to have you back, Kiki.”

Keyleth wasn’t sure if the heat in her cheeks was because of his gesture of the implication that Vax knew her father loved her so much he would ruin his finances for her.

“Our exit is coming up,” Vax announced, releasing the grasp in her hand and getting to his feet. Keyleth followed him down the aisle, and when the bus stopped in the middle of nowhere, where the only sign of it being a bust stop was a single pole with a hanging sign, Vax gestured for Keyleth to descend before him, following her as he shouldered the backpack.

“Now I’m really concerned,” Keyleth said, looking around. They were surrounded by tall trees on a single road with practically no traffic. She had no idea where they were in regards to the city proper, but it was clear they were somewhere remote.

“Do you trust me?” Vax asked, extending his hand to her. Keyleth’s answer was weaving her fingers through his and walking by his side in silence.

During their short walk parallel to the road the bus had taken, Keyleth glanced sideways at Vax, who looked relaxed and smiled so brightly he could supply enough energy for a small town. His mood was contagious, and soon Keyleth found herself relaxing and smiling as well, walking hand-in-hand with him down the sidewalk and then up a smaller road.

“No way,” Keyleth exclaimed as they reached an ornate iron gate connected to rock pillars. Above it, high enough where a tall van could cross without touching it, was an iron sign that said Emon Botanical Gardens. Keyleth couldn’t hold her joy at the sight of it, and neither could Vax, apparently, because he was shaking with excitement at her reaction, grinning brightly at her, eyes shining like ambers.

Keyleth squealed in delight as they approached the portico, where a woman waited at the ticket booth. Vax stepped ahead of her and exchanged a few words with the woman that Keyleth couldn’t hear—although, from the look of it, they were familiar with each other—and then signaled her to the barriers that opened on their own accord.

“What?” Keyleth asked, surprised, crossing it behind Vax.

“Students don’t pay entrance,” Vax explained.

“Do you come here often?” Keyleth asked as he walked towards a large wooden board with the map of the park. She stopped abruptly in front of it, gaping with an open mouth at how large the area was.

“Vex and I came here often when we needed a break from the chaos of the city,” Vax explained, picking a pamphlet from the holder. “It’s really peaceful. Here,” He handed Keyleth the pamphlet. She opened it to see a smaller-scale map of the park on one side and short descriptions of what the park contained on the other side.

“This park is huge. We’re not going to be able to see it all today,” Keyleth pointed out, noting all the smaller flower gardens, the several ponds and fountains, the orchard and forests of different kinds of trees. “There’s a waterfall?” She asked, not really expecting an answer. “And a butterfly garden!” Her excitement turned up a notch if it was even possible. Keyleth loved butterflies.

“Where would you like to start?” Vax asked, smiling at her. Keyleth pointed at the greenhouse not far from there, and he nodded. He let her lead the way, even though he probably knew the garden so well that he didn’t need a map anymore.

The greenhouse spawned over a long distance, covering plants from all regions in Exandria, from flowering cacti of the Marquesian deserts to blooming flowers of the Zemni Fields and even a few darker, mysterious flora from the distant lands of Xhorhas. No matter where Keyleth looked, she was welcomed with fragrant scents, a rainbow of colors, and a whole new universe she wanted to explore until the end of her days. She took several minutes to photograph flowers and plants she had never seen before and write notes on the notebook app on her phone, setting up a mental note to return with her camera and a proper notebook. When Keyleth finally uncoiled from where she had been squatting for ten minutes, photographing and copying information from the small description sign next to a bloom of snowdrops, Vax coughed to get her attention. Keyleth’s head snapped in his direction. She had completely forgotten why and who she was there with, so a blush spread on her cheeks as she apologized to Vax bashfully.

“It’s okay. It’s adorable.” He brushed it off, holding out his hand for her to take. Keyleth grabbed it, looking at Vax inquisitively. “Let’s go. I have a surprise,” Vax said, pulling Keyleth with him.

They exited the greenhouse through a side door onto a gravel path. Keyleth’s excitement built up quickly once she saw the first signs pointing in the direction they were going, saying Butterfly House. She found it weird that the butterfly house would be open in the winter since she hadn’t read anything about it in the pamphlet, but maybe it was climate-controlled so they could have viewings year-round. However, Keyleth’s excitement and hope died a little when their path was closed by a barrier, where a note hung from the middle: “We regret to inform the butterfly house is closed until further notice.”

“Vax, what are you doing?” Keyleth asked as Vax transposed the barrier and held out his hand for her. “It’s closed.”

“I know. Trust me,” Vax said. Keyleth followed him down the last of the gravel path and then onto a smaller side path that led to the back of the building. She had no idea where Vax was taking her, but Keyleth trusted him with her life, so she followed as he squeezed her hand tighter in his grip.

“Hello there,” A man greeted the pair when they turned a corner. Keyleth came to an abrupt stop behind Vax, bumping against his back. Shit, we’re screwed, Keyleth thought, knowing they were trespassing.

“Hey!” Vax greeted the man back. He let go of Keyleth’s hand and dropped his backpack on the floor next to the door she realized the man was holding open. Vax then walked towards the man and hugged him tightly. Keyleth finally took a good look at him. He was smiling kindly at them, crow’s feet around his eyes. He seemed to be in his early forties, perhaps, with sun-dappled skin, wild and crazy-looking dark hair, and a black beard streaked with gray, neatly kept in two braids.

“Is this the lady I’ve been hearing so much about?” The man asked Vax, looking around his shoulder to Keyleth with an even fonder smile. Vax laughed and nodded. He extended his hand to call Keyleth over, wiggling his fingers.

“This is Keyleth,” Vax introduced when she laced her fingers with his. Up close, Keyleth could see the man’s glowing blue eyes and all the signs of someone who had a happy life, even if labored. “Keyleth,” Vax continued, pointing at the man, “This is Kerrek.”

“Kerr is fine,” The man said, extending his hand. Keyleth took it. The handshake was strong but soft at the same time as if Kerrek was holding back on her. His hands were calloused, and there was some dirt under his fingernails, confirming the hard labor Keyleth assumed he did.

“Nice to meet you, Kerr,” Keyleth said politely. Vax had never mentioned him, yet the man seemed to have heard about her. She tucked the information in a mental file to ask Vax later.

“Are you sure it’s okay?” Vax asked, nodding at the building. The man nodded and replied with a wink, “Go ahead lovebirds.”

Keyleth blushed, but Vax chuckled. He looked at her nervously and pulled her inside the building with him, the door closing behind them. The temperature changed immediately, and Keyleth was forced to discard her cardigan with Vax’s leather jacket, leaving them on a bench by the door, and pulled the long sleeves of her shirt up to her elbows. She then followed Vax down a dimly lit hallway to a second door.

“Ready?” Vax asked her. Keyleth swallowed hard and nodded.

Keyleth wasn’t sure what she expected, but walking into a brightly lit, hot and humid jungle was not it. The roof was a domed glass that let the bright winter light in without any of the cold, and everywhere Keyleth looked was covered with trees and plants, vines and moss. Once again, she allowed Vax to guide her down the tiled path until they came to a rounded room fully enclosed in class. In the center, a stone bench acted as a barrier to flowers and greenery, and around them—

“Oh. My. Gods.” Keyleth whispered, still not believing what she was seeing.

Butterflies—dozens and dozens of butterflies—flew everywhere, from branch to branch, between flowers and vines, up on the glass ceiling and around the walls. Vax led Keyleth into the middle of the room with a soft hand on the small of her back, stopping by the stone bench. Keyleth spun slowly in place, noting every color, wing shape, and different type of butterfly.

“You might want to close your mouth before a butterfly flies in,” Vax teased. Keyleth snapped her mouth shut but didn’t look at him, still mesmerized by the display.

“Vax, this is—” She stopped herself. A small swarm of five butterflies dove to her and landed on her hair and outstretched arm. Keyleth swallowed a squeal of delight as she turned to face Vax and brought a beautiful blue-winged butterfly between them.

“That’s a morpho peleides,” Vax offered. Keyleth nodded, still awestruck.

“Their wings aren’t actually blue, but—”

“Iridescent, yes. It’s caused by a diffraction of the light from the—”

“Tiny scales on its wings.” Keyleth finished. She looked up at him, surprised that he knew about it.

“I’ve been coming here for a few years. I’ve learned a lot about them,” He explained coyly. Keyleth swallowed, feeling a wave of warmth flow down her body. The butterfly beat its wings and took off to a high branch. Keyleth followed it with her gaze.

“It’s beautiful,” She whispered, still looking at the emperor on the other side of the room.

“You’re beautiful, Keyleth,” Vax whispered back. She whipped her head back to him, only to realize he was so close to her that their breaths mingled with each other. Vax brought a hand up to cup her cheek and leaned in, making Keyleth’s stomach jump.

Oh gods, is this happening?

“Can I kiss you?” He asked. Yes. Yes! A million times, yes!

“Please—” She practically begged.

Time stopped, or maybe it was Keyleth’s heart that stopped. Something stopped, for sure. Keyleth’s eyes drifted closed, and she surrendered herself to the warmth of Vax’s hand on her face and the firm hold on her waist as his lips touched hers. The kiss started soft and tentative. As if Vax was scared. Keyleth’s hands slid up Vax’s chest to wrap around his neck, pulling him closer. The kiss deepened, full of longing and something else Keyleth’s brain could not decipher in that moment. Some time passed, although Keyleth couldn’t tell if it had been seconds, minutes, or days. But eventually, Vax broke the kiss, his piercing gaze on hers, assessing her. Keyleth smiled against his lips, willing her heart to stop beating so fast. Vax opened his mouth to say something, but Keyleth shushed him before he could utter a word by kissing him again.

Keyleth poured all the intensity of her need for Vax into the kiss. Although she had no idea what she was doing, she had read quite a few romance books, so she pulled all that knowledge off the pages and kissed Vax passionately. When her tongue brushed against his lip, Vax opened to allow her in, the hand on her face lowering to join the other on the small of her back, pulling her harder against him. Keyleth could feel every inch of Vax’s body, her tongue thoroughly exploring his mouth until it met his tongue and started a dance she didn’t know the steps for. Keyleth stopped leading, then, and started following Vax’s experienced instructions. The heat on her body was overpowering, but it was Keyleth’s happiness that screamed the loudest in her ears, together with the thrumming beating of her heart.

When they finally pulled apart—when Vax pulled apart—they were both panting, eyes wide as saucers fixed on each other, and smiling. Keyleth willed her lungs to work faster and reminded her heart to slow down, lest she pass out from sheer emotion. Her legs were trembling like reeds on a storm, and if it weren’t for Vax’s firm hold on her, Keyleth would surely fall to her knees in front of him.

“That was—” Vax tried, but his breath was still ragged. Keyleth chuckled and nodded, rubbing her nose against his. Their breaths were warm and sweet like a summer night, Vax’s kiss-swollen lips so, so inviting. Tempting. “Gods, Kiki. You’re—” Vax didn’t finish. He leaned his brow against Keyleth with closed eyes and breathed slowly. Keyleth did the same, following his lead once again. He smelled so good and felt so warm and cozy, just like home. “You’re going to be the death of me, Keyleth.”

“I’m sorry,” Keyleth giggled. Vax kissed the tip of her nose. “I’ve wanted to do that for a while,” She confessed.

“Me too.” Vax tugged at the fabric of her shirt on the small of her back, twisting and turning the hem between his fingers. Keyleth gave him a questioning look that made him swallow nervously. Finally, after taking a long breath that puffed against Keyleth’s lips, Vax said, “Kiki, you know I’m in love with you, right?”

Oh. Keyleth’s heart almost leaped out of her chest. It was one thing to feel the love Vax didn’t hide from her, and a completely different thing to hear him say it (like actually say it). Keyleth let her hands slide down from his shoulders and splay on his chest. The jack-rabbit beating of Vax’s heart on Keyleth’s palm made her smile softly as she spoke, “I know. And I–I think I feel the same way.”

“You think?” Vax asked. His tone wasn’t mocking but uncertain.

“I’m scared,” Keyleth admitted, at last, the feeling she had been trying to repress for a while. “I’ve never felt this way for anyone before and it’s so scary.”

“I know,” Vax replied. His thumbs rubbed tight, reassuring circles on Keyleth’s back.

“My dad was so devastated when my mom died. I—I‘ve never wanted to feel that, or worse… make someone feel like that. I–” Keyleth hesitated.

“Yes?”

“I never thought I would have what they had. I never thought someone was going to fall for me, or that I would fall for anyone. I promised myself when I was young that I would never fall in love and yet…”

Vax smiled. He rubbed the tip of his nose on Keyleth’s and said, “I understand completely. You know about my father. I don’t have the best examples of what a loving relationship is. I never thought I would ever find happiness in my life, much less something so pure as love. We don’t have to be in a relationship, Kiki, but if you’ll have me, I’m yours.”

“I don’t think I’m ready to be with someone… yet.”

“That’s okay. I’ll wait as long as it takes,” Vax brushed a strand of hair and tucked it behind her ear. Keyleth smiled fondly at him, basking in the feel of his touch, but her smile faltered as she asked him a question she had been dreading.

“And what if I’m never ready?” Knowing that Vax’s answer could mend or break their future was enough to send her spiraling, so Keyleth closed her fists on his shirt, keeping her aloft, keeping her mind steady and grounded.

“Then I’ll always be here as your friend. I’ll only take what you want to give, Kiki. Never more than that.”

“You would stay?” She asked, her voice wavering.

“Of course. I’m not going anywhere, Keeks.” Vax replied, kissing her forehead. Keyleth slumped into his embrace, sliding her arms under his armpits and holding tightly. She waited for the first signs of the imminent panic attack to retreat down to her stomach and vanish. Only then did she uncoil to her feet, releasing Vax completely, and smiled.

“Thank you for understanding.”

“You’re very important to me.” Vax pulled away, but instead of completely letting go of Keyleth, he twinned his fingers with hers and asked, “Are you ready to head back into the cold with me?”

Keyleth nodded and allowed him to pull her with him, retracing their steps to the back door, where they put their jackets back on and Vax slung his bag back on his shoulders. Kerr was still waiting outside, moving crates and boxes when they exited. He turned to Vax and Keyleth with a fond smile, dropped a box on the ground and walked to pat Vax’s back.

“Make sure you and your sister come over for dinner soon, will you? You’re welcome too, Keyleth.” Kerr added, turning to Keyleth.

“Oh. Thank you for the invitation.”

“I’ll talk to Stubby and let her know,” Vax replied.

“It was nice meeting you, Keyleth.” Kerr extended his hand. Keyleth took it again, shaking it softly with a smile.

“It was nice meeting you too.”

Vax and Keyleth spent the rest of the morning wandering through the multiple flower gardens, fountains and ponds, albeit sad-looking in the middle of the Winter. When the sun reached its apex in the sky, Vax took Keyleth by the hand down a secluded gravel path and into a small clearing of pine trees (the few trees that still had their canopies). Vax removed a thick blanket from the bag, spread it on the floor, and sat down, patting the ground between his legs for Keyleth.

“I should have known you were bringing picnic stuff,” Keyleth said. She sat between Vax’s legs facing him, her legs crossed between them. Vax took another blanket from the bag and set it on her lap, covering both of them.

“You think I would pass up the opportunity to have an outdoor meal with you?” He scoffed. Keyleth didn’t reply. She grabbed the thermos of tea he passed her and took a sip. It was sweet, just the way she loved it, and it warmed her from the inside out. Vax then grabbed two sandwiches and a bag of chips, and they ate while observing the nature and enjoying the quiet. They didn’t run into many people during their walks in the garden, which Keyleth could only assume was due to the cold weather and the fact that most of the plants were dead.

“We should come back in the spring,” She said after a while.

“I already planned on bringing you back.”

“So, what’s the story with Kerr? How do you know him?” Keyleth asked, passing Vax the thermos.

Vax took a sip of the tea, closed the bottle and set it by his side. He then lifted the blanket from his and Keyleth’s legs and gestured for her to turn around. Keyleth did, scooting and resting her back against his chest. Vax covered them again and wrapped his arms around her waist, letting his hands rest on her stomach, where he started rubbing circles with his thumbs. Keyleth basked in his warmth. She could never get enough of the feel of Vax’s arms draped safely around her.

“Do you remember what I told you about what happened with Vex?” He asked her. Keyleth nodded. She knew it was a difficult subject for him. “Well, after all that, Vex and I decided to leave Emon for a while. We found this garden. We lied and told them we were high school students, and they believed us. Mostly because we looked like high schoolers. We found this spot right here, secluded enough that no one could stroll into us, and we made it our place. We had a small tent big enough for us and Trinket.”

“One day, Kerr caught me after the park closed, but instead of calling the cops on us, he extended a helping hand. At first, he invited us to have dinner with him and his wife. Hot homemade meals were hard to come by at the time, and Vex was getting thinner every day, so I said yes. They heard our story, and just like you, they grew angry at our father. But most of all, they felt bad for us and wanted to help us.”

“That’s really nice of them,” Keyleth said. Vax nodded. He buried his cold nose in her neck, making her squeal.

“They asked us to stay with them until we came of age, but Vex and I… we had been living on our own for a while, and we—we might have been too proud to take such a huge offer. But we did accept a job offer to work here, and we enrolled back at the highschool, using Kerr’s home address as our location. We often went to Kerr’s for warm meals and never refused their invitation to stay on cold and rainy nights.”

“Kerr and his wife treated us like we were their own children. We finally caved in and moved in for our final year of highschool. They even motivated us to go to college and helped us apply for scholarships and everything. Their house is a home to us.”

“I’m glad you found them. I’m glad Kerr didn’t call the cops on you.” Keyleth said, turning her head to see Vax. She nuzzled her nose against his jaw, making Vax smile.

“I’m glad too. I don’t know if we would still be alive if it weren’t for Kerr.”

“I’m glad you are. It brought you here… to me.” Keyleth whispered and gave Vax a soft peck on the lips.

“Have I mentioned how beautiful you look today?” Vax nuzzled against Keyleth’s neck. She giggled and nodded in response. “Did you make your skirt?”

“I did. But my grandma made my cardigan.”

“They’re so pretty. You’re both very talented.”

“I’ll make you something one day,” Keyleth promised.

“Are you cold?” Vax asked, tightening his embrace.

“No. I’m never cold when I’m with you. You’re always so warm and cozy.”

“Hmm. Same. You’re like a ray of sunshine. You’re so happy and cheerful. It’s contagious sometimes.”

Keyleth thought about his words. People often said she was a ray of sunshine, that she lit up any room when she walked in, but Keyleth didn’t feel that way. She was happy. Keyleth did feel joy in life and enjoyed being around her friends and family. It was the moment she was left alone that Keyleth dreaded the most. When she was by herself with her thoughts, her fears and grief. She had witnessed a few episodes where Vax had preferred to be alone, where his mood was extra broody and grumpy. She understood that better than Vax probably thought.

“Kiki?” Vax called her. Keyleth turned sideways, buried her head in Vax’s chest and grabbed the jacket on his stomach. “Did I say something wrong?”

“No,” Keyleth mumbled against his chest. Vax’s hands cradled the back of her head and he pressed a kiss to her hair. He stayed like that and waited until she finally spoke again. “I’m not as much of a ray of sunshine as people think I am. I also have bad moments—bad days, even.”

“I know. I’ve noticed your moods.”

“You have?” Keyleth asked, looking up. Vax nodded and caressed her hair down her back. “You must probably think I’m a fraud then.”

“You’re not a fraud, Kiki. Not everyone can be happy all day, every day. I know you try hard to hide the bad side, but you can trust us… you can certainly trust me. I want you to be yourself when you’re with me, even if that means you’re picking at the skin of your nails or chewing on your lip and the inside of your cheek. I won’t be bothered by your jumpy knee or your shuffling around on your seat.”

Oh shit. Vax knew all her fidgets. Was she really that obvious, or was he just very observant? Keyleth always tried to hide her anxiety in front of everyone, and she was almost sure that she did a good job at it, but she had always been more relaxed with Vax. She had always felt safe with him. Of all people, Vax would be the one to understand Keyleth’s faults the best.

As if he read her mind, Vax added, “You and I aren’t that different, Kiki. Depression and anxiety often go hand in hand.”

“I suppose I might have some of yours, too,” Keyleth admitted. It wasn’t for nothing that her father had made her see a professional when she hit puberty.

“And I have some of yours. It’s perfectly valid to have them both, and if someone ever gives you grief about it, tell me, and I’ll punch them.”

Keyleth snorted at the offer. Some of the weight on her chest lifted, but there was something heavy keeping her from being blissfully happy: finals. History proved that academic high-stress situations were not good for Keyleth. “I don’t think you can punch our professors or finals.”

“Ah. Is that what’s eating at you? Here I was, thinking you were freaking out because I’m extremely handsome, and I make your heart almost leap out of your chest.” Keyleth looked at Vax to see him smirking at her. Her face reddened in response. “You’re going to do great, Keeks. You’re smart, talented, and a great student. All our professors love you. If anything, you’re going to do so good that they will need to expand the grading system just to accommodate your knowledge.”

“You’re exaggerating, Vax. I’m not as smart as you or Pike. And I’m falling behind in Anatomy. You’ve seen my midterm grade.”

“Fine, the human body doesn’t agree with you. Does it matter? Are you in Biology for it or for plants, Keyleth? Didn’t you say you were going to drop Anatomy next year anyway?”

“Yes, but I still want to have a good grade,” Keyleth all but pouted at Vax. Couldn’t he understand the high expectations other people had on her? She had always been a top-of-the-class student in high school, and people expected her to maintain that or do better in college, never to go below their standards.

“Keyleth, love. You had a 16 in the midterm,” Vax grabbed her shoulders and looked at her earnestly. “All your assignments have been above 18–and yes, it counts even if I helped you. Even if you have another 16 in your final, you will still get at least a 17 at the end of the semester. I know it’s not as good as an 18 or a 19, but you are still in the top five students in Anatomy, and I know for a fact that you, miss I-will-not-rest-until-I-have-straight-20s, are the best student in your degree.”

When Vax put it like that, Keyleth had to concede to his logic. She knew that she would need a really bad grade on her final to drastically lower her final grade in Anatomy and the general average, as a consequence, but even though it was a low possibility, it wasn’t impossible.

“Fine.” Keyleth pushed Vax away and got up, straightening her skirt. “I guess you’re right.” She said and walked away from him. Keyleth didn’t need to turn her head to see the look of confusion on his face, but she still peeked and threw over her shoulder, “Let’s go see the waterfall… unless you’re done with our date?”

She laughed as Vax scrambled to his feet and packed everything inside the backpack. He was by Keyleth’s side in a matter of seconds, holding her hand and dragging her down the path. Keyleth giggled at his reinvigorated spirits, feeling slightly better herself, too. Vax was right, she knew that, and while she still had a hard time letting go of that particular anxiety, Keyleth knew she had in him a safe harbor.

“Vax?”

“Yes.” Vax looked at her expectantly, grinning from ear to ear.

“I might barge into your room this month to ask for reassurance. Is that okay?” Keyleth bit at her lip. Vax let go of her hand, only to wrap his arm around her shoulder and pull her to a stop. He leaned in and brushed his lips against hers, giving Keyleth a soft, ghostly peck on the lips that made her want more, and said, “I can’t promise I’ll be decent, but my door will always be unlocked for you, Kiki.”

“Good,” Keyleth whispered against his lips. “I might come to collect some hugs then… even if you’re not–decent.”

The kiss was sensual and unhurried, filled with promises of more kisses to come, hugs to be given, and reassuring words to be whispered in the dark. By the time they arrived back at the apartment, lips red and kiss-swollen, the subject of finals was completely gone from Keyleth’s mind, instead filled with the scent of pine trees and snow and the wonderful time she spent with Vax in nature all day. A much needed-rest before the chaos.

#YESSSS THE DATE CHAPTER #awww the twins honoring their mom #vax really showing how much husband material he has #Keyleth’s outfit sounds so lovely #‘still incredibly hot’ hehehe like always #YESSSS A BOTANICAL GARDEN #KERREK MY MAN YESSSSSS #‘Is this the lady I’ve been hearing so much about?’ can see Vax just talking Kerrek’s ear off about Keyleth and Kerrek is just happy for Vax #awww butterfly nerds #these two are gonna be putting their future children in butterfly themed clothing aren’t they #YESSSS THEY KISSED #WOOOHOOOOOOOO #YEAH KEYLETH KISS YOUR FUTURE HUSBAND #such a Vaxleth thing to make out in a butterfly garden #‘You’re going to be the death of me Keyleth’ really hoping that’s not a literal foreshadowing👀#‘Kiki you know I’m in love with you right?’ Excuse me while I go squeal like a little girl #awww vax being so supportive of her not ready for a relationship #‘but if you’ll have me I’m yours’ YESSSSS YOU PUT MY FAVORITE VAXLETH LINE IN THANK YOU😭#awwww Kerrek trying to adopt the twins I love him #‘Have I mentioned how beautiful you look today?’ WHY CAN’T THERE BE MORE MEN LIKE THIS AHHHH #Vaxleth being two sides of the same coin I love them so much #‘I might come to collect some hugs then… even if you’re not– decent’ I see you keyleth i see you👀#‘lips red and kiss-swollen’ yeah these two definitely made out on that long ride home #SUCH A WONDERFUL DATE CHAPTER #gonna miss this story when it goes on break but looking forward to your other amazing stories!#cr fic #cr fic rec #Vaxleth fic

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helleboresoul · 2 months

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I’m working on the winner, but in the meantime- Happy Valentine’s Day!

#ahhhh they all look so stunning #critical role #critical role fanart #cr fanart #Perc’ahlia #percahlia #Vaxleth

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helleboresoul · 2 months

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The blood is shockingly cold. The breath whooshes from her body at the feel of it on her skin. Every inch of her screams to get out, to get clean, to get warm, but she pushes in, down, until the blood circles her knees, her waist, her shoulders. When her vision is subsumed by red, she opens her mouth and lets it flood her. Everything about this is wrong. The taste, the cold, the slimy liquid seeping its way down her throat. It is not natural, and her body yearns to rebel—but she won’t give the Raven Queen the satisfaction. She sinks slowly, a stone in honey, until the cold isn’t cold, and the liquid isn’t liquid. She’s floating in darkness, black in all directions. Was this what it was like for him, the times he came to speak with her? Was this what he saw? Was this the price of his devotion? “Keyleth of the Air Ashari, Voice of the Tempest.” There is no source of the voice, which is simultaneously a whisper and a booming echo. Keyleth turns around—whatever around is here—and sees nothing, just more void, as far as the eye can’t see. “You have no business here, Tempest.”

coming february 14

#my heart is gonna break with this one isn’t it

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helleboresoul · 3 months

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Be In My Eyes - Chapter 28

You can read the previous chapters here or on AO3. Summary: Keyleth and Vax face their roommates the morning after the bar, and Vex'ahlia really wants to cross the i's and dot the t's (I said what I said).

Keyleth woke up facing the wall. The first sign that the previous night hadn’t been a dream was manifested by a hard body pressed against her back and a soft, warm breath on her neck. Vax’s arm was still draped around her middle, his hand holding a fistful of her t-shirt on her stomach as if he needed to grab onto it to know she was there, that she wasn’t going to run away. Yes, because she had run away, hadn’t she? Keyleth had set the stage for Vax, and he replied, and when he did, she freaked out and ran away. Her plan had been to simply hide in the bathroom until she stopped panicking, then to go find Vax and tell him how much it had meant to her that he had sung that song for her, that he had replied to her call. She knew it wasn’t the same as a full confession, but hearing him sing those words was enough to ease some of her doubts. Keyleth was scared that Vax had been upset or angry at her for running. She had been especially scared when Kashaw took her from the bar, so seeing Vax appear around the corner, put Kash in his place, and walk her home had been a relief, and even more so when Vax stayed with her, bore his heart to her and told Keyleth his story. A story that she knew she would never forget about a mother who loved her children until the last of her breath and a father who hated his children so much that Keyleth wanted to punch him repeatedly in the face.

The happiness and relief Keyleth felt when she learned Vax’ildan was not angry at her was just a kernel compared to the joy she felt in that moment, surrounded by him, feeling the slow, steady rise and fall of his chest on her back, the warm puffs of air on her neck and hair. She could stay like that for hours—maybe even forever—but the sounds of voices in the kitchen and the smell of sizzling bacon and eggs reminded Keyleth that they weren’t the only people in the apartment, and, if Vax had stayed with her all night, then she had some apologies to make to her roommates.

Keyleth turned, lying on her back, and gently scraped her nails on Vax’s arm around her torso. The man nuzzled against her, groaning grumpily, and asking her hoarsely for five more minutes. Keyleth giggled, finding sleepy Vax the most endearing thing in the world.

“I really wish we had five more minutes, but I smell bacon and eggs.”

Vax opened a sleep-crusted eye. With his back to the window, it looked more like chocolate than amber, and even though Keyleth preferred the second, she would never complain about the former. Keyleth loved Vax’s eyes regardless of their color as long as they were filled with the love and care that always made her heart jump, or the desire that made her toes curl.

“I knew that would get you to wake up,” Keyleth turned to face him. Vax didn’t let her stay away from him for long, though. She had barely finished turning and his hand was already on the small of her back, pulling her so flush against him that Keyleth could feel every single hard pane of his torso against hers—and other hard things, as well. Vax seemed to have realized that too because he hid his face in the crook of Keyleth’s neck and mumbled a ‘sorry’ even though he didn’t move to push away from her (not that she would let him go anywhere).

“It’s okay,” Keyleth whispered, cradling her fingers through his knotted hair. She should have offered to braid it last night, but she got so caught up in the story that she forgot. “We should probably get up, though. I’m sure Vex and Pike want to get ready for the day.”

Something seemed to have clicked in Vax’s brain at that because he finally released the hold he had on Keyleth. “They’re going to kill me,” Vax grumbled. Gods, can he be any cuter?

“I’ll talk to them.”

“Thank you… for last night.” Keyleth shook her head as if to say it was no problem. “I’ve never told anyone the full story. Especially the parts I’m not proud of.”

Keyleth moved her hand from Vax’s hair to his face, brushing her fingers along his cheeks and down to his jaw, “You can trust me, Vax. I’m not scared of you, and I’m not going anywhere.”

“I know,” Vax whispered, kissing Keyleth’s forehead. Keyleth practically melted when their eyes met.

“Thank you for staying,” Keyleth kissed his forehead in return. Vax chuckled, either at the gesture or the fact that she had just thanked him for sleeping with her. “I haven’t slept so well in a long time.”

“Hmm. Maybe we should do this every night, then,” Vax teased her, wiggling his eyebrows. Keyleth laughed and slapped his shoulder playfully.

“Don’t push it. You need to buy me dinner first,” Keyleth teased back. She wasn’t used to flirting so openly with him, but it felt nice.

“I’m already taking you out on a date next weekend. Is that not enough?”

“I might reconsider if you make me breakfast, too.” Keyleth pouted at his outraged look.

“Fine,” Vax pulled away completely, leaving her cold and longing for him as he rose from the bed. Vax stretched, bringing his arms above his head so high that his shirt rode up to his stomach, and Keyleth, who was still mesmerized at the pull of Vax’s muscles under his t-shirt, did not have time to disguise the lust in her eyes as she followed the stretch of Vax’s torso all the way down to the patch of skin the shirt had revealed, and further down to—

“My eyes are up here, Kiki.”

Keyleth whipped her head back up to see Vax smirk—the jerk did it on purpose to tease me—and covered herself with the blankets to avoid his gaze. Vax just laughed and padded away from the bed, throwing a casual, “I’ll have your breakfast ready soon, princess,” before he left the bedroom.

—

“Good morning, brother,” Vex’ahlia greeted when Vax’ildan entered the kitchen. She was sitting at the table with a steaming cup of coffee in front of her next to a disgruntled Pike sipping from a glass of orange juice. The smell and sound of bacon sizzling caught Vax’s attention before he could greet his sister back as Percival flipped a pancake onto one of the two plates already filled with food.

“Morning,” He mumbled, ignoring the crispy bacon on the pan and heading for the fridge. From the corner of his eye, Vax saw Percy set two plates with pancakes, eggs and bacon in front of the girls and return to the stove to finish plating a third serving.

“Did you sleep well?” Vex’ahlia asked him, staring at him piercingly from across the table and the room. Vax ignored her question in lieu of getting his supplies out of the fridge and setting them on the island. The carton of eggs was practically empty, Keyleth’s almond milk barely had enough for one glass, and Vax couldn’t find her vegan bacon anywhere. They were in dire need of a grocery run.

“Yeah,” Vax finally answered, not paying attention to the smirking girls. Percy turned off the stove and quietly joined them at the table, leaving the kitchen empty for Vax.

“One would have thought you would have woken up in a better mood, brother.” Vax looked up at his sister, finally seeing the teasing glare in her eyes and the smirk on Pike’s face. As he was about to turn his attention back to the eggs he was cracking, Vax caught sight of a mess of blankets on the couch. Shit.

Vax’ildan didn’t have time to reply or roll his eyes at his sister as he wanted to do because he heard a bedroom door open and close at the end of the hallway, and the familiar soft steps of Keyleth’s slippers against the wooden floor approaching. He dropped the eggshells in the trash can, quickly washed his hands, and by the time Keyleth greeted everyone with a cheery ‘good morning,’ Vax was already pouring milk into her mug of coffee.

“Well, at least one of you woke up in a good mood,” Pike teased, winking at Keyleth, who had padded toward Vax.

“Here,” He said, handing her the mug. Keyleth took it with a soft ‘thanks’, and leaned against the island counter at his side, sipping from the mug. Vax returned to his task of beating eggs, pouring flour, and measuring whatever bit of milk was left. It was barely enough for two people, so he would have to make do with just eggs.

“What can I do?” Keyleth asked, setting her mug down.

“You can just go sit and look pretty if you want,” Vax replied, jutting to the table with his chin and winking at her knowingly. Not to Vax’s surprise (he had promised Keyleth he would make her breakfast after all), Keyleth nodded and brought her mug with her to the table, where an astounded Vex’ahlia and Pike stared at them, and a very confused Percy tried to hide his embarrassment.

“Well then,” Vex sipped on her coffee, eyes jumping between Keyleth and Vax.

“What happened last night?” Pike asked. Vax knew she was not talking about what she must have seen when the girls got home from the way she looked at Keyleth’s lip.

“It’s a long story,” Keyleth shrugged.

“Did Kashaw hurt you? Because I’ll break his legs if he did,” Vex’ahlia threatened. Vax didn’t say anything as he poured the pancake batter onto a pan. Not even the sizzling was loud enough to tone down Keyleth’s answer to his sister, “Don’t worry. I’m pretty sure Vax broke his nose. I think he learned his lesson.”

Vax stood quietly at the stove, hearing Keyleth tell their roommates what had happened from the moment she stumbled into Kashaw on the steps until he ran from the alleyway with his ass between his legs. Keyleth was breathless from talking by the time Vax set a plateful of pancakes and scrambled eggs in front of her and a measly plate of eggs for him on the table.

“No pancakes for you?” Keyleth whipped her head to his plate. Vax shook his head and dug into his eggs.

“There wasn’t enough for both,” He explained casually. Vax didn’t need to look to know his sister’s gaze was fixed on him, either judging or trying to guess what else happened the night before. The stupid judging gaze probably didn’t falter when Keyleth picked up one of her largest pancakes and moved it onto Vax’s plate or when she told him to eat and he obeyed.

“So, what are you all doing today?” Keyleth asked, either ignoring or not noticing the astounded looks their three roommates were giving her. She didn't look up when no one answered. Instead, she kept talking—which Vax knew as a sign that her anxiety was flaring up. “Percy, would you like to study with me today?”

“Of course,” Percival answered, finally schooling his expression.

“How about you, Pike?” Keyleth asked next, lifting her eyes. Her cheeks were flushed red. Vax didn’t need to be able to read minds to know she was embarrassed that Pike would bring up the fact that she had slept on the couch because Keyleth asked Vax to stay with her.

“I already promised Grog I would work out with him this morning, but I’ll catch up with you in the afternoon.”

Keyleth nodded and looked at Vex, but before she could open her mouth to extend the invitation, Vex interrupted her by saying, “Vax and I already have plans. Sorry, darling.”

“Oh.”

“We do?” Vax asked, giving his sister a confused look. She looked at him as if to say we need to talk, brother, and then finished her food. “I forgot about it,” Vax lied.

“Is last night going to be a recurring event? Should Pike and I find other sleeping arrangements?” Vex asked. Keyleth choked on her drink, spilling coffee all over herself and her plate. Vax merely mumbled, loud enough for his sister to hear, “I bet you didn’t have any issues finding sleeping arrangements last night, sister.”

This time, it was Percival’s turn to choke and spit his drink.

“I didn’t mean to intrude in your personal space, Pickle. I’m sorry,” Vax apologized to the girl next to him. She merely patted his arm with a smile and got up from the table, taking her plate with her.

“Don’t worry. The couch is pretty comfortable, but please let us know beforehand next time?”

Keyleth stopped trying to wipe the stain on her shirt to look at Vax. Her face was redder than a tomato, and there was a slight hint of panic growing in her eyes. Vax offered her a reassuring smile from across the table, trying to ignore the urge to extend his hand to grab hers or take her out of the room and away from his sister’s teasing.

“I’m going to shower. I’ll see you all later,” Pike waved as she left the twins, Percy and Keyleth at the table in awkward silence.

“Don’t worry, darling. I’m not mad at you,” The smile Vex threw in Keyleth’s way faded when she looked at her brother. “Or at you, brother.” Yet, from her tone, Vax knew that she might not be mad at him, but he was still about to suffer from another one of his sister’s fierce rounds of interrogation.

“So, what the hell happened last night?” Vex’ahlia asked, sitting on Vax’s untouched bed. A quick look around the room told Vax that his assumptions about his sister’s sleeping arrangement were correct as soon as he noticed the mess of sheets and blankets and the black bra underneath Percy’s bed. Vax didn’t say anything at first. Instead, he bent down to pick up his sister’s undergarment and threw it at her face.

“Keyleth told you what happened,” Vax replied, giving his sister a nasty look when she shrugged and set the bra on her lap.

“You know what I mean, Vax. We got home last night, exhausted and you two were all curled up on her bed.”

Vax climbed onto his bed and sat with his back against the wall. He uncrossed his legs and patted the mattress between them. Vex rolled her eyes but scooted back, assuming the position they were both so comfortable in. Vax undid his sister’s braid and combed his fingers through her hair in silence. Only when he was satisfied with his job did he finally speak as he started parting her hair.

“I told Keyleth everything.”

“About what?”

“About us,” Vax replied, braiding his sister’s hair like he always did. “About Mom and Syldor. About running away and coming to Emon. About that night we got robbed and what I did to fix it. About—” He hesitated but kept braiding Vex’s hair.

“About what, brother?” Vex’ahlia asked, her voice wavering slightly as if she already knew.

“About… what happened with… him.” Vax knew what just the mere mention of the name would do to his sister. Vex’ahlia didn’t know the full extent of Vax’s actions (which he wanted to remain that way), but Vex also never asked what exactly he did to get rid of her ex. If his sister had any suspicions of how far Vax went, she never mentioned anything.

“Did you tell her—”

“No. No, of course not, Stubby. That is your story to tell, not mine.” Vax tied his sister’s braid with her elastic and slung it over her shoulder. Vex turned to face her brother, crossing her legs between them. She looked scared and worried.

“Why?” Why had he told Keyleth their darkest secrets?

“I couldn’t hide it anymore. Not from her, Vex. Not with how things are changing. And… I needed to know before I—before we went further.” Before he took the leap that could change everything.

“That was a huge risk, brother.”

“I know. Trust me, I know how much of a risk it was, but Keyleth wasn’t scared in the slightest, Vex. She was…” Vax’s smile didn’t reach his tear-covered eyes. “She was so supportive. She reminded me why I did everything, and she didn’t balk at anything I told her. And she’s angry. I think she might actually punch Syldor if she ever meets him.” He chuckled wetly, the first tears falling down his cheeks.

“She’s a good person,” Vex grabbed her brother’s hands. “Did you two…?”

Vax shook his head. “No. We just talked and talked all night, and then she asked me to stay, even after I told her everything. She asked me to stay, Vex.” He was crying freely now.

“Oh, brother,” Vex pulled him into an awkward hug. “She cares about you so much.”

“I know.”

“And you love her so much. It’s honestly nauseating, darling. Are you going to stop pining for each other now?”

Vax pulled back with a laugh, wiping the tears with the back of his hands. “I doubt it. But I did ask her out on a date, and she said yes.”

“VAX!” Vex’ahlia screamed, slapping his shoulder. Vax laughed, and his sister joined. “Gods, I do need to find new sleeping arrangements.”

“Again, I don’t think you need to worry about that, Stubby.” Vax looked at Percy’s bed above his sister’s shoulder. “Are you two dating?”

“No. We’re just… having fun, I guess.” Vex shrugged. She started playing with the end of her braid, avoiding eye contact with her brother. Vax knew she was hiding something.

“Is that all there is, Vex? You can tell me.”

“It’s—Percy is not like Syldor.”

“No, he is not.”

“Do you think he would ever want to be with someone like me?” There it was at last.

“Stubby, you are beautiful and smart, and maybe a pain in the ass at times,” Vex slapped his shoulder again at that, “but if there’s one thing I know is that that man is head over heels for you.”

“Do you think so?”

“I know so. Percy told me so.” Vax tugged at her braid. Vex’ahlia looked at him, too scared to believe she could have this kernel of happiness. Too scared to believe she was worth being happy at all. Vax knew his sister too well. He knew the demons that assailed her mind were twins to his own. His father had made sure that neither of them felt like they were good enough and deserving of happiness and love.

“Alright.” Vex shrugged.

“You should ask him on a date, too.” Vax wiggled his eyebrows. “Maybe one day we can all go on a double date.”

“Don’t push it. I don’t know what’s worse, seeing you and Keyleth pine for each other or seeing you drool over the other after you start dating.” Vex made a disgusted face at her brother, who looked offended at her.

“I didn’t need to see you snogging whitey either, and yet, here we are.”

The twins laughed, their tensed bodies finally relaxing. Their past was a stain in their lives larger than one could ever wish, but every step they took forward toward their happiness was a step farther away from the darkness. While the threat of their father still lingered in their lives, Vax’ildan and Vex’ahlia were both ready to walk into the light that Keyleth and Percival shone on them, guiding them away from the darkness and, maybe one day, the twins will finally be ready to embrace the love and happiness they were told they didn’t deserve.

#THE AMOUNT OF PURE JOY I GET EVERYTIME THIS FANFIC UPDATES #isn’t it everyone’s dream to be cuddling in bed with a hot af rogue #‘Keyleth wanted to punch him repeatedly in the face’ Same Keyleth Same #‘and other hard things’ I’m cackling this horny hot ass man #vax just wants cuddles with her 24/7 #AHHHH I LOVE THEM FLIRTING AND TEASING EACH OTHER #that smug little whore knows he’s hot #the teasing is only gonna get worse once they’re together lol #poor pike the only one who didn’t actually get to sleep on a bed #gotta love the morning bird and night owl trope with these two #that man is such husband material istg #THEY ARE SUCH A MARRIED COUPLE ALWAYS MAKING SURE THE OTHER EATS #Percy and vex you two are so obvious #ooh pike could’ve went to cuddle with Scanlan but probably cause Grog shares a room with him she didn’t #or she still likes Percy👀#‘and the black bra underneath Percy’s bed’ THESE TWO WERE FU-#oooh there’s more to the twins story left to be uncovered #‘Did you two…?’ With how they keep on checking each other out probably soon #awww I love vex she’s such a good sister #VEX THAT MAN IS IN LOVE WITH YOU #AHHHHH SO EXCITED FOR THE DATE CHAPTER #and I feel like got a feeling of what the date is👀#I can already picture Vex and Pike helping Keyleth get ready while Vax is trying to look his best for her #looking forward to the next chapter!#cr fic #critical role fic #Vaxleth fic #cr fic rec

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helleboresoul · 3 months

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I wanted to see the twins in the elezen starter gear 'u'

#AHHH THEY LOOK SO GOOD #Vax’ildan #vaxildan #Vex’ahlia #vexahlia #cr fanart #critical role fanart

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helleboresoul · 3 months

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I’m still haunted by seeing Sam in tights rn

#critical role #critical role spoilers

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helleboresoul · 3 months

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Be In My Eyes - Chapter 27

You can read the previous chapters here or on AO3. Trigger Warnings: Canon typical violence, mentions of abusive relationships, domestic violence toward children, theft, and murder. Rating change: This fanfic will be rated Mature from this point forward. Summary: After Keyleth is taken by Kashaw, Vax starts spiraling. He gets into action to protect Keyleth, and later they exchange heartbreaking stories.

Keyleth was gone. She ran away. Vax had been so sure it would work after she practically poured her heart out with her song. Maybe answering her call had been a mistake. Maybe he had misinterpreted it? No. It couldn’t be. Keyleth had smiled at him when he sang those damn words to her. He saw the fire and wanting in her eyes. Vax couldn’t have been wrong. Keyleth wouldn’t have sung that song if she wasn’t testing him or setting a bait for him to answer, and like a damn sailor lost at sea, Vax had followed her voice and gave himself to her (and in front of everyone, too). And she ran away. Why?

Someone stepped in front of Vax, but his blurred vision did not allow him to see more than yellow, gray and dark colors. “Vax, are you okay?” One of the figures said. Vax recognized that voice. “Vax?” A different voice called him. They were both females, soft, concerned voices, but neither was the voice Vax needed to hear the most at that moment. “Come on,” The first voice said, and Vax felt someone pull him. He didn’t see where they were taking him because his eyes were still glazed with fear that he had done something wrong (again), that he had ruined everything (again), that he had pushed away the person he loved the most (again, again, again).

You’re useless. You’ll never amount to anything. Who would want the son of a seamstress who allowed herself to get knocked up? Stupid. You are stupid and useless, like your mother was, Vax’ildan.

“No,” Vax’s voice was hoarse.

“What?” Vex’ahlia. That’s who it was, the first female voice, the blur of yellow and gray. “Vax, what happened?” Her hands were on his cheeks, warm and calloused from years of labor and archery. His sister. Vax had failed her, too. He had failed her like he failed their mother. He had ruined everything for her, too. “For fucks sake, Vax’ildan,” She was angry at him, as she should be. Did Vex’ahlia know what he had done for her? Did Vex know about the blood that soaked his hands? She couldn’t know. She would never know what Vax had done to save her from that monster.

Vex’ahlia let go of her brother’s face. The warmth of her touch evaporated like a droplet of water falling on hot coals, and then came the sting and a different kind of heat. “What the fuck,” Vax heard someone say behind them. Another hit, another sting. “Vex!” Another voice.

“Snap out of it, brother,” Vex’ahlia yelled above the music. Vax tried to follow the sound of her voice. The sting was vanishing as fast as her warmth had, pulling him with it. They had gone through the motions of this ritual too many times in their lives to count. Day after day, night after night, when Vax’s demons flared and took over his soul. He hated them. He hated their strong grip, dripping black ichor over his heart, coating it with pain and darkness and death. So much death.

Vax’ildan saw his sister’s face when he closed his eyes, then his mother, Elaina, the baby he left behind in the hands of that monster, and lastly Keyleth with a blinding halo of radiant light around her. She had run away. He had come for her, and she had run. Why? He demanded to know. As if the gods had heard him, his sisters’ faces in the darkness vanished, and then his mother, leaving only Keyleth’s visage. Vax reached forward, trying to hold on to her, but she ran away—even in his mind, she ran away—leaving only that blinding light that twisted and turned until it became a golden thread that wrapped around his wrist. Vax raised his hand to examine it and pulled at the string that floated in the ether. It didn’t budge. It was tied around his skin, even though there were no knots. Vax felt another tug—not his—and when he turned his face in its direction, he recognized the woman with long dark hair and a face as pale as the moon that held the other end of the golden thread. She beckoned him silently, crooking a finger, tugging on that golden thread that floated from his wrist. Vax’ildan followed.

“She’s in danger,” A pure crystalline voice said, coming from both the woman and the darkness surrounding them.

“I can’t save her. I couldn’t save them, and I can’t save her.”

A cold hand caressed Vax’s face, “You did your best. You saved them as best as you could, and you will save her.”

“I can’t. Please, you have to understand. I can’t save her.” Vax begged. He would have gotten on his knees if he could.

“Vax’ildan,” The woman’s eyes burned with a raging fire. A slap, a new sting. “Go, now!” She tugged on the string again and Vax felt himself fall, and fall, and fall, and just when he thought he would be falling forever, a fourth slap hit him with the strength of a mighty giant.

Vax opened his eyes. He felt a warm liquid in his mouth that tasted like copper. Grog stared at him worried, hand lifted for another slap if needed. On his left, Vex’ahlia sighed and Vax let his eyes follow as she allowed herself to fall into a seating position on the table. On Grog’s right, Pike groaned in relief. Other faces were surrounding them, all concerned, but no one spoke until a white-haired man stood by Vax’s sister, squeezing her shoulder in reassurance, and said, “I don’t know what the fuck that was or what happened, but Keyleth is gone and we can’t find her, so get your shit together, Vax’ildan.”

“What do you mean?” Vax asked hoarsely. His hands came up to rub at his sore cheeks—the last slap was still stinging—as he looked from face to face. All his friends were wearing their coats, gloves and scarves.

“We looked everywhere,” Scanlan said, next to Pike. “Keyleth is not in the bar anymore, not even in the bathroom.”

Vax’s heart skipped a beat. What had happened to make her run away? What happened after? The same dread from earlier wrapped around his chest, tightening with each second, each word his friends spoke. When Vax thought it couldn’t get worse, Vex’ahlia raised her head from her hands with a panic in her eyes that Vax hadn’t seen since Saundor. “Kash is—” Vax didn’t let his sister finish the sentence before he was on his feet with his leather jacket in his hands.

Vax flew out of the alcove. He ran down the stairs as fast as his legs allowed him, jumping steps and pushing people aside. The jacket was on before he reached the landing, Keyleth’s scent still lingering on the interior of the fake leather jacket. Vax whipped his head to the counter, where he saw Gilmore surrounded by patrons—alone. He didn’t wait for his friends to follow. He didn’t care if they did or not. The woman’s warning rang in his ears, and the image of his knife where he left it on his nightstand flashed in his mind. He was an idiot to have left it behind. The only time he did…he was useless and powerless, just like all those years ago, just like that night.

—

It was raining again. It was the third night in a row that Vax’ildan, Vex’ahlia and their puppy, Trinket, had to sleep huddled together behind a trash can. Vax had made sure to open and adjust the lid to provide them with some shelter from the rain, but even that wasn’t enough to stop them from getting drenched and cold. Vex’ahlia was sound asleep by Vax’s side, holding the puppy to her chest inside her damp shirt in a lousy attempt to keep them both warm. Her breathing was shallow enough that Vax knew she wouldn’t wake up anytime soon. At least one of them was getting some rest.

The pattering of the rain on the alleyway was so loud and annoying, and even though Vax had barely drunk any water that day, it still made him feel like he had to pee every hour. He had been holding for a while, but a burst of pain shot through his bladder, forcing Vax to go relieve himself, so he stepped away from Vex, carefully so he wouldn’t wake her up, and crossed to the walled end of the alley. He was even more drenched by the time he zipped up and buckled his belt, the only thing keeping his loose pants from falling to his ankles.

“One more step and she dies.”

Vax stopped in his tracks. He hadn’t heard them because of the loud rain. He hadn’t felt them lurking in the shadows, watching him and his twin, and now a hooded figure held his sister to his chest with a sharp knife against her neck.

“You don’t want to do that,” Vax threatened. He canvassed his surroundings from the corner of his eyes. Another figure stood at the open end of the alleyway holding a knife. He could probably defeat two of them with his bare hands if it wasn’t for the fact that a dark liquid started dripping on Vex’s neck. Shit.

“Oh yeah? And what are you going to do?” The male voice asked.

Nothing. Vax couldn’t do a single thing to stop them. He had nothing but his hands and he wouldn’t risk fighting hand-to-hand with his sister’s life in danger. So Vax did the only thing he could do. He lifted his hands so the assailants knew he was submitting and took a tentative step back.

“That’s what I thought. Where’s your money?”

“We don’t have any money,” Vax tried to lie. They didn’t buy it. More blood started dripping down Vex’s neck, mixing with the dampness on her shirt. The man asked again, threatening to slit her neck. “That bag over there,” Vax pointed with his chin to his backpack where he had left it by the trash can.

The second figure ran to it and opened it. They turned it upside down, sprawling all Vax’s clothes and belongings on the dirty, muddy ground, until a satchel fell, the clink of coins muffled by the rain, just like the two assailants’ steps had been. They grabbed it and moved back, just as silent as they had been.

“You’re in our city, so if you want to sleep on our streets, you have to pay up. Consider this a warning,” The first figure threatened, releasing Vex’ahlia with a shove that made her fall face-first on the floor. Trinket ran to her and licked her face, barking at the man who was stalking back, still facing them, the bloody knife dripping on the ground as he went. They were gone in the blink of an eye, just as quietly as they had appeared.

—

It didn't take Vax two steps out the door for him to realize that he had no idea which direction Keyleth could have gone—which direction Kashaw took her. Vax would never forgive himself if something happened to Keyleth, and he would surely not let Kash live to see another day if he touched a hair on Keyleth’s head. Vax looked to both sides of the empty, snow-blanketed road and held his breath trying to listen for any signs of life nearby. The only sound he heard was the creak of the door opening behind him and rushed steps coming out.

“Vax?” It was Percy, bundled in a thick jacket and scarf. It was so cold and Keyleth was only wearing his t-shirt. She had to be freezing.

“Percy, I—”

“It’s okay. Go left, I’ll go right. Call me if you find her. The others are staying at the bar in case she returns.”

Vax nodded and they each took a side. For a large city, and for being located so close to the university, the neighborhood was quiet and peaceful. Vax passed by several closed stores—from bookstores to boutiques, and even a butcher—and a handful of dimly-lit windows on the residential buildings above. There were no alleyways between the buildings, at least not until Vax reached the end of the block. He stopped, walking quietly, trying to listen as he approached the dark alley—and good thing he did.

A hushed male voice that Vax’ildan knew belonged to Kashaw was speaking incoherently. Vax couldn’t decipher what he was saying, but he heard sniffles and Keyleth’s shaky voice saying something incomprehensible. Vax ran, his blood boiling with rage. Please don’t let her be hurt. Please, Gods. Please don’t let him hurt her.

Vax’s heart stopped when he turned a corner. Kashaw braced himself with one hand on the brick wall behind Keyleth and the other hand was gripping her jaw on her neck as he kissed her. Kash was kissing Keyleth.

“Get the fuck away from her,” Vax growled. He grasped the neckline of Kash’s ridiculous gladiator outfit, pulled him away from Keyleth, and threw him against the wall on the opposite side of the alley. Vax was on him in a heartbeat, his closed fist meeting Kashaw’s jaw. The man was so stunned that Vax was able to land two punches before Kash pushed Vax away and tried to kick him, but unlucky for him, Vax was too fast and evaded him.

“You get the fuck away, I saw her first,” Kash spit blood on the ground between them. He lunged at Vax, managing to land a punch on his stomach, making him double over in pain and spit on the ground.

“Vax, no!” Keyleth cried. Vax couldn’t afford to look back at her. Any distraction could be his end. He lunged back at Kash, kicking him against the wall. The man’s head hit the brick with a crack and Kash cursed between his teeth. Vax took his rival’s moment of distraction to pin his wrists above his head and leaned in until their breaths mixed. Kash reeked of alcohol.

“She doesn’t want anything to do with you,” Vax spat.

“Then why did she go out with me? Do you really think she would ever love a guy like you? Do you think anyone would?”

Kas was torturing him. He knew Vax had feelings for Keyleth, and he was torturing him since he couldn’t land a physical blow. You’re better than this, Vax told himself, trying to douse the flame of rage.

Who would want the son of a seamstress? You are stupid and useless like your mother was.

Kashaw was right. Vax’s father was right. Vax was no one. He was nothing but vermin. No one could ever love him. He had been delusional if he thought someone like Keyleth would ever look at him. But Kashaw wasn’t much better than him, not after what he did to Keyleth.

“Let him go, Vax,” Keyleth asked. Vax still couldn’t turn his head. He couldn’t bear to look at Keyleth and see whatever damage Kash had done to her. “Please.”

Vax released his grip on Kashaw, but his face was still hovering above the other man’s as he spoke with a deadly voice, “I’m only letting you go because she asked me, but if you so much as look at her again, I will kill you.” Vax took two steps back. Kash must have seen the severity in Vax’s eyes, for his mismatched eyes were filled with fear. He nodded and left, not bothering to glance back at Keyleth.

Only when the sounds of Kash’s steps had subsided did Vax turn around. Keyleth was sitting on the ground, hyperventilating with her knees pulled to her chest. Vax ran and squatted in front of her, but before he could open his mouth, Keyleth looked up at him with tears in her eyes. She had dark streaks from the eyeliner running down her cheeks, and her lip was swollen and bleeding slightly from a small cut, but other than that, she looked untouched. Keyleth grasped Vax by the lapel of his jacket and pulled him. His knees rang with pain as they hit the hard ground on each side of Keyleth’s legs, but then his nose filled with the scent of her shampoo when she crossed her arms around his torso and cried on his chest.

“Okay?” Vax asked, kissing the top of her head and rubbing the hair on her back. Keyleth nodded. She forced her breaths to follow Vax’s heartbeat—Vax almost stopped breathing when he realized Keyleth was doing that—and eventually, Keyleth calmed down, although she was still shaking.

“Here,” Vax took off the jacket. Keyleth broke away just long enough for him to help her put it on and hugged him again. “Everyone’s worried sick about you, Kiki.”

“Sorry.”

“You have nothing to apologize for, love.”

Keyleth nuzzled further into his chest and released a wet chuckle. Things had been different for a while with Keyleth, but his father and Kashaw were still right. No one would ever love someone like Vax. Whatever was going on between him and Keyleth, it was bound to end, but Vax still tried to enjoy every moment he had until Keyleth saw the truth about him and left like everyone else did.

“I want to go home,” Keyleth asked after a while. Vax nodded. He helped her up, fixed her hair by tucking a few evading strands behind her ear, and held out his hand in invitation. Keyleth took it without a second thought, and they left the alleyway.

“Shit, I should call Percy,” Vax let go of Keyleth’s hand just long enough to dial his roommate’s number and then immediately grabbed it again. He saw the slight curl of her lips as he laced his fingers with hers, ignoring the pain shooting from his split knuckles. Keyleth’s hand was still cold. In fact, she looked like she was still freezing without a scarf and gloves, so Vax slid both their hands inside the pocket of his jacket and nodded at her to do the same with the other hand. It was a bit awkward, but it worked.

“Did you find her?” Percy asked as a way of greeting when he answered the call.

“Yeah, I got her.”

“Is she alright? Please tell me that fucker didn’t hurt her.”

“She’s okay, a bit shaken up. We’re on our way back.”

“I’m outside. I’ll wait.” Percy said.

Vax looked ahead, and just as he had mentioned, Percy was outside the bar, one hand deep inside his jacket and the other holding his phone. He hung up as soon as he saw them and ran towards Keyleth, grabbing her by the shoulders. Percy winced at the sight of her split lip and pulled Keyleth into a hug. Vax stood back to watch, having let go of Keyleth’s hand.

“Are you okay?” Percy asked her.

“Yeah.”

“That fucker. I’m going to kill him.”

“Men,” Keyleth shook her head disapprovingly. “Vax already took care of that.”

Percy looked over to Vax, who shrugged and replied, “I’m pretty sure I broke his nose. Let’s just say he’ll be running with his tail between his legs next time he sees Keyleth.”

Percy nodded, “Thanks.”

“You two are insufferable,” Keyleth complained, rolling her eyes, but Vax still saw the smile.

“What did he do to you?” Percy asked, carefully moving her jaw so he could see her lip better in the light.

“I don’t want to talk about it right now, Percy. I’ll tell you everything tomorrow. Now I just want to go home and get warm.”

“Alright, tomorrow then. Do you want me to walk you home?”

“I got it,” Vax approached, placing a hand between Keyleth’s shoulder blades.

“A word in private, please?” Percy asked his roommate. Vax nodded and they stepped away enough for Keyleth to still be in sight but not be able to hear them.

“I don’t know what the fuck is going on with you two, but I’m trusting you with her life. Make sure she gets home safe, or you’ll be the one with a broken nose, got it?”

For the first time since they met, Percy gave Vax a look that made him want to run for the hills, screaming like a little girl. With a name like his, Vax knew his roommate had to have money and status, which meant he could also probably find someone to kill him if he stepped out of line. However, Vax couldn’t afford to let his friend know he had gotten to him, so he schooled his expression into a bored look and replied, “I would let myself get killed before anyone laid a finger on her.”

Percy’s eyes softened, seemingly happy with Vax’s answer. He moved to turn back to Keyleth, but Vax grabbed his arm. “Oh, and Freddie, I’m trusting you with my sister’s life. You better bring her home in one piece otherwise you’ll get a fate much worse than Kashaw’s. You know what I keep under my pillow, right?”

“Yeah, I know. She’s safe with me.”

“Good. I’d hate to get a new roommate in the middle of the school year.”

“Are you boys done with your pissing contest?” Keyleth asked when they returned.

“You’ve been spending too much time with my sister, Kiki.” Vax teased, grabbing Keyleth’s hand. He wasn’t sure if Percy had seen the gesture because the man was already pulling Keyleth into a hug and kissing her forehead.

“I’ll see you tomorrow. Go take care of that and get some sleep.” Keyleth nodded in response and started leaving, dragging Vax behind.

“Make sure you let everyone know Keyleth is safe,” Vax said above his shoulder. “And tell Shaun I’ll call him tomorrow to let him know what happened.”

—

Vax didn’t let go of Keyleth’s hand for a second. They walked in silence for the most part, only stopping to comment on the few decorations that were starting to pop up on storefronts. Keyleth had noticed the redness from the cuts on Vax’s knuckles from punching Kashaw so hard. She had never been more scared—not for her, but for Vax. Kashaw was drunk and he looked violent enough to hurt Vax really bad. She knew Vax had some knowledge of fighting, but seeing him in action… Vax had been so fast she hadn’t even been able to keep up with his movements and so strong that Keyleth had no doubt Kash would be bleeding from hitting his head on the wall, but, at the same time, it looked like Vax had been pulling back punches, like he could do more—worse.

“Thank you for tonight,” Keyleth said when the first lights of campus appeared around a corner. It was becoming a habit to have Vax come to rescue her. Maybe he was indeed her knight.

“As if…” Vax shrugged dismissively. Keyleth looked at him. “Did you really think I was going to let anything bad happen to you?” Keyleth smiled and bumped against him, chuckling.

Keyleth and Vax were greeted with a wave of warmth once they opened the apartment door, and then a woof and a warm, wet nose poked their hands.

“Hey buddy,” Vax greeted the dog. “I see they finally turned on the heat.”

“It was about time,” Keyleth groaned, taking off Vax’s jacket and hanging it by the door. They removed their shoes and ignored the messy bundle of blankets on the couch. What Vex didn’t know wouldn’t hurt her, and Trinket was usually pretty good about obeying the no-couch rules. One time wasn’t all the time.

“I’m going to change into something more comfortable. I’ll give you your shirt back after washing it, I promise.”

“You can keep it,” Vax said. He was still untying his boots by the door, so he didn’t see the shock on Keyleth’s face.

“It’s your favorite,” She argued. Vax shrugged. “No. I’m not taking it, Vax. I’ll give it back after I wash it.”

“Fine,” He said, shrugging again. “I’m going to change and grab the first aid kit. I’ll meet you in your room to take care of that lip.”

“I’m fi—” Keyleth was about to say, but one look at Vax and she backed away (not scared—never scared of him—but with respect). “Fine, but you have to let me take care of your hand,” She challenged him back.

Vax looked down at his fist and shrugged. “As long as you let me take care of you, I’ll let you take care of me, Kiki,” he said, stopping to kiss Keyleth’s cheek as he walked towards his bedroom.

Keyleth had just finished putting on a t-shirt when Vax knocked on the door. Now that the maintenance had finally turned on the heat, and with Keyleth’s comforter and fuzzy blanket, she didn’t need to bring out her warmest pajama sets. Although she loved them, Keyleth hated sleeping in lots of clothes because sometimes they made her feel trapped and wake up with shortness of breath.

“That looks cute,” Vax smiled at the embroidered rainbow across her chest. Keyleth blushed. “Do you embroider all your clothes?”

“Not all. Most of them. All my clothes are hand-me-downs or thrifted, and I like to alter them to give them more… personality, I guess,” Keyleth explained. They sat on her bed and Vax immediately got to work on bringing out the supplies and cleaning her lip. The swelling had gone down and the cut was barely noticeable, but she still allowed him to take care of it, if anything, to help him feel better.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Vax asked, dabbing her lip with cotton. Keyleth winced at the sting and Vax blew at it with a soft, “sorry.”

“He didn’t do anything… you know…” Vax paused to look at her. “I promise I would have told you.” He nodded and went back to his work. Keyleth waited until he was done to say, “I bumped against him at the bottom of the stairs. He said something about wanting to talk and brought me outside. I was so disoriented I couldn’t answer.”

Vax got up to wash his hands and throw away the used supplies. Keyleth waited until he returned and started cleaning up his knuckles. “I started panicking because none of you knew where I had gone. He was so drunk I don’t think he realized I wasn’t okay. Or maybe he thought I was drunk, too. But he brought me to that alley because he wanted somewhere quiet.”

Vax instinctively closed his hand in a fist. Keyleth saw anger burning in his eyes and slapped his wrist to help him focus. “Sorry,” Vax said, opening his hand. He let it rest on her lap while Keyleth grabbed more supplies.

“He asked why I hadn’t called him to go out again and if it was true that I was on a date tonight, but he didn’t let me answer. Then he started saying I looked really hot and asked if I wanted to go to his place and shit like that, and when I said no, he said fine. I thought he was going to leave, but then he leaned in and kissed me. Next thing I know, he bit my lip when you pulled him off of me,” Keyleth gave Vax a shy smile.

“Sorry about that.”

“It’s fine. It’s no big deal. It was just a kiss,”

“It wasn’t just a kiss, Kiki. He shouldn’t have taken it without your permission.” Vax’s other hand came up to cradle her face. Keyleth leaned into his warm touch. He was always so gentle with her.

“How’s your stomach?” Keyleth asked. Vax let go of her face to poke at where a bruise was already probably forming and shrugged.

“I’ll be fine in a few days. What are you looking for?”

“Bandaids.”

“We don’t have any. Grog used them all the last time he tried to cook. He cut himself five times until Pike took the knife away from him.”

Keyleth snorted and got up. “I think I still have some, but they have flowers,” She said, opening her closet. She dug out a box of bandaids from inside a travel bag and showed it to Vax.

“I don’t need them. I’m fine, I promise.”

“Is it because of the flowers?” Keyleth asked, pouting as she returned the box inside the bag and back into the closet.

“Of course not. You know I’d wear them even if they were shock pink or bright yellow with polka-dots.”

“Fine,” Keyleth stopped in front of Vax. She grabbed his hand, taking one last look. She had done everything she knew. It looked much better than before—at least it wasn’t bleeding anymore. Satisfied with her work, Keyleth cleaned up the trash and headed to the bathroom to wash her hands. She didn’t flinch at seeing Vax leaning against the door jam, his head cocked as he examined her.

“Can I brush your hair? It’s a mess,” Vax asked. It had been a while since someone offered to brush her wild hair, especially when it looked like she had fallen through a bramble of bushes.

“Sure,” Keyleth handed Vax the hairbrush. He grabbed her hand and pulled her with him. It was the same way Kash had grabbed her earlier, but it felt so different with Vax. His hands were more calloused, but it was such a softer and more gentle touch. Keyleth would let him guide her wherever he wanted, which, at the moment, wasn’t far. Vax sat on her bed and patted the blanket in front of him. He carefully removed the elastic that still tied part of Keyleth’s hair and expertly started parting her hair in sections.

“Can I ask you something?” Vax asked, brushing the ends of Keyleth’s hair.

“Anything, Vax.”

“We don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to. I was wondering…” He hesitated. Keyleth looked above her shoulder, but he turned her head forward with a tut. “I was wondering if you could tell me about your family.”

Oh. That was a sore subject, not just for Keyleth, but also for Vax from what she gathered. “You’ve met my dad. He raised me by himself. He’s a great dad.”

Vax paused his brushing, “How old were you when—”

“I was five,” Keyleth replied before he could finish. More than anticipated the question, Keyleth had a feeling that was the real reason why Vax asked about her family. “My mom went on a business trip and didn’t come back. Boating accident. Her body was never found.”

“Shit, I’m sorry.” Vax leaned forward and rested his head on Keyleth’s shoulder.

“It’s okay. I mean… it’s not… but you know what I mean, right?” She looked back at him. The look of understanding they exchanged was worth more than words. “I have a grandma on my mother’s side. She taught me how to embroider and crochet. She’s really nice. I’m sure she would love you. I know she would put so much food on your plate,” Keyleth giggled so violently that Vax had to pause the brushing again.

“I’d love to meet her. And your dad. I mean actually meet him.”

“You’re welcome in Zephrah anytime,” Keyleth offered. Vax nodded, but then he realized she couldn’t see him and replied, “I’d love to, but I don’t think I can afford it.”

Keyleth felt bad for him. She knew the twins were in a strict financial situation, although she didn’t know how bad it was. Vax often refused to go out with the group, not just because he didn’t like bars but also because most of the time, the twins couldn’t afford to pay for both to drink, so Vax stayed home to let his sister have fun. Keyleth also noticed the exchanged glances between the siblings whenever the group planned to go out for lunches or dinners, how their contribution to the communal food and household goods seemed to grow smaller and smaller every week (not that anyone had ever called them out on that). Keyleth had even heard the twins fight about something Vex’ahlia had bought out of their budget, and from what she gathered from the conversation, Vax was very adamant his sister returned it to the store, but she refused.

“Maybe one day?” Keyleth extended the offer. She wanted to tell him she would buy all the plane tickets he needed, but she knew her friend was too proud to accept.

“Maybe,” Vax replied, but she knew he had no hope.

Keyleth’s mind returned to the look of understanding they had shared moments before. The words he had spoken to her months ago when he found her curled over herself against the kitchen counters. She had opened up to him and told him about her mother, and while he didn’t owe her anything, Keyleth couldn’t stop herself from asking, “How old were you?”

Vax knew what she meant because the hairbrush stopped again, and he took a long breath. Keyleth waited patiently, looking at the massive, shaggy dog curled on her roommate’s bed—Vex’ahlia, who also had lost a mother.

When Vax spoke, there was no ounce of anger or frustration for being asked such a personal question. If anything, Keyleth heard some relief that they were finally brushing up on the subject, as if he had been waiting to share that piece of himself with her. “We were ten.”

“And your dad?”

Vax chuckled, “Long story. He’s an asshole and we’re as good as dead to him, as he is to us.”

“I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay. I can tell you about it one day,” Vax finally set Keyleth’s hair brush aside and started braiding her hair.

“I don’t have anywhere to go tonight.” Keyleth tensed and waited. Vax finished the braid, tied it with the elastic, and dropped it over her shoulder.

“I’ll tell you if you make us some tea while I grab cookies.”

“Deal,” Keyleth replied, looking over her shoulder. Vax looked exhausted. She almost faltered for a moment, but then he raised and headed towards the door, and Keyleth decided to follow him.

Keyleth loved the quietness of the house where the only sounds were the boiling water in the kettle and Vax plating homemade cookies for them. They moved around each other in the kitchen so effortlessly that one would think they were a pair of professional dancers who could lead each other with their eyes closed in perfect synchrony. Trinket raised his head and sniffed the air when they returned to the bedroom with hot mugs of tea and a plateful of cookies, but Keyleth tutted at him, reminding the dog that he was not allowed sweets. She took the side of the bed closest to the wall and held the blanket open for Vax to join her, which he did without hesitation.

“Trinket, come,” Keyleth patted the blanket at the end of her bed. The dog looked up at the pair sitting with their backs against the headboard under the blankets and leaped from his bed to Keyleth’s. He spun three times and curled up at their feet with a sigh. “What a rough life you live,” Keyleth joked. With a plate of assorted homemade cookies on her lap—from where Vax bashfully grabbed a chocolate chip cookie—a steaming mug of honey lavender tea warming her hands, and Vax’s warmth pressed against her side under her blankets, it was the perfect cozy mood for long, deep talks.

“This feels nice,” Vax said, using his half-bitten cookie to point at the string lights around the top of the walls. That had been Keyleth’s doing.

“It’s cozy.”

Vax finished his cookie and looked at the plate on Keyleth’s lap, “I have to warn you, it’s not a pretty story, and you might change your mind about me towards the end.”

“I doubt it,” Keyleth slapped Vax’s hand as he went for a butter cookie. Instead, she handed him a coconut one. “But go on, tell me your deepest and darkest secrets, Vax’ildan,” She half-joked, looking at him.

“You asked,” Vax shrugged. He bit into the cookie and hummed. Keyleth nodded as if to say, see? “It all started when my mom was 18. She lived in a small town in the south called Byroden. My father was passing by on a business trip and stopped for the night, as travelers usually do. He and his buddies went out for a drink and my mother just happened to be the barmaid on service that night.”

“She was so young,” Keyleth interrupted. Vax nodded.

“She had just graduated high school. She grew up poor, so college was not in the plans. My father took a liking to her, it seems. They spent the night together and he left the next morning without so much as a goodbye. My mom only knew his name because she had heard the other men say it. A few months later, she found out she was pregnant. She found my father’s contact to tell him, and the bastard had the audacity to say…” Vax paused. He chewed on his lip for a moment, then finally said with growing rage, “The asshole had the audacity to say he had serious doubts it was true, that my mom was trying to bait him for money, and if she did had gotten herself knocked up—his words exactly—how was she so sure it was his and not some random guy she fucked.”

Hearing that, Keyleth dropped her cookie in her tea. “I’m sorry, what?”

“Yeah,” Vax shrugged. His head was bowed low, avoiding eye contact. “The bastard told me that himself.”

“What a fucking asshole,” Keyleth grumbled, fishing the soggy cookie from her tea with a spoon. “What a fucking, bastard, shit-eating asshole.”

Vax chuckled. “Oh, Kiki,” He shook his head. “Just hold on tightly to that rage. I haven’t gotten anywhere near the worst yet.”

“You don’t have to keep going,” Keyleth bumped Vax’s shoulder with hers. She had known Vax long enough to recognize the signs of withdrawal, and the last thing she wanted was to regress once they had become so comfortable and vulnerable with each other. Keyleth watched Vax silently set the empty plate and mugs on her nightstand. She didn’t balk when he arched an arm behind her shoulders, and Keyleth definitely did not stop Vax from pulling her so close that her legs were practically curled on his thigh. Keyleth counted their synchronous breaths, looking at Vax’s hand on his lap, fumbling with the tassels of her blanket.

One. Vax twisted the green tassel between his index finger and thumb. Two. His hand stopped. Three. Vax turned his head to look at her in the eyes—the pain made Keyleth want to scream. Four. Vax’s arm moved to Keyleth’s lap, where she twisted and turned her hands on the tassels. Five. He grabbed hold of one of her hands and tugged it free. Six. Vax brought their joined hands to his lap and intertwined their fingers. Seven. Both their gazes were fixed on their hands, Vax’s thumb grazing softly against the palm of Keyleth’s hand. Eight. A pause. Nine. Vax opened his mouth.

Ten. “My mother died when we were ten and we were forced to live with him. We ran away when we were fifteen. He almost killed Vex’ahlia.”

Vax was crying. His tears slid down his eyes and onto Keyleth’s cheek. She didn’t speak, didn’t move, barely breathed.

“My mom got sick. The town doctor couldn’t do much, and we couldn’t afford to take her to a big city doctor or pay for treatment. She died within six months of finding out.” Keyleth’s face grew wetter the more Vax spoke about his mother. Vax’ildan paused to look at her, and his face contorted into more pain as he released her hand and cradled her cheek. “I’m sorry, Kiki. I can stop talking about it,” Vax apologized. Only then did Keyleth realize the wetness in her face was not just from Vax’s tears but her own as well.

“I’m okay,” She whispered, sniffling. Keyleth leaned into his touch. Vax was so warm and smelled like tea and cookies. “I’ll listen to as much as you want to share.”

A sigh and a kiss on the forehead had Keyleth melt further into Vax’s warmth. He continued sharing his story in a hushed voice as he leaned his brow against Keyleth.

“We were taken to Syngorn, to our father’s estate, by the authorities because my mom had no other family. Our grandparents had died and she had no siblings, so our father was all we had left, and he earned our full custody. We weren’t allowed to bring more than a backpack of clothes and a few belongings. We arrived in Syngorn the day after we buried our mother but my father refused to take us in. He denied knowing about our existence and informed the officer that he would only take us with a positive paternity test. For a week, Vex’ahlia and I were separated into two different foster families in the city until the results came and our father was forced to take us in. It was the first time Vex and I had been separated since we were born, and it was the hardest week of our lives until that time.

“It’s funny. I always laugh at people who tell me to go to hell because I’ve been there. My father made our lives a living hell. We found out that he was part of a big conservative family, rich as the eyes could see, and having children out of wedlock was highly frowned upon. His family refused to accept us. He refused to accept us. For the first few months, we didn’t see him. My sister and I were assigned a maid each to tend to our needs, and then we were forced to attend etiquette classes. The first time we saw our father since we moved in, he threatened to kick us out onto the street if we didn’t do what he told us. He forced us to attend those etiquette classes to make us more ‘civilized’,” Vax spat the word with disdain, “and we were forced to adopt Syngorn’s customs, including changing our accent and wearing Syngorn’s fashion.”

Vax took another pause. Keyleth gave his hand a quick squeeze in reassurance, just in case he thought she had fallen asleep. Her face was still scrunched against Vax’s shoulder, where a large wet stain formed from her tears. It took a moment for Keyleth’s brain to click with what Vax had said, but when she did, she raised her head, eyes glimmering with curiosity, and asked, “Wait. Did you have a different accent before?” Vax nodded. Keyleth’s face opened in a mischievous smile that was enough for Vax to anticipate what Keyleth was about to ask because he quickly stopped her from saying anything else. “No, I will not use it. I don’t even know if I remember it. It’s been so long, Kiki.”

“Oh. Well… You’re safe with me. I won’t think less of you for it. You know… in case you suddenly remember what it sounded like,” Keyleth batted her eyelashes at Vax in a lousy attempt to flirt with him.

Vax chuckled. The sound was enough to inflate Keyleth’s heart like a balloon. He wiped the tears from her face, then his, and then broke the hold he had on her. Keyleth watched him go into the bathroom and close the door. She blocked out all sounds that came next, brought her knees to her chest, and dropped her head on them, thinking. She had known the twins' story wouldn’t be pleasant. She had seen the few trinkets on Vax’s desk and the emptiness of their wardrobes, but had never considered that it would be this hard. Even though she lived most of her life without her mother, Keyleth still had her father’s love, her grandparents, her village. She hadn’t been alone, not like the twins had. And their father… How could someone be so hateful towards their children? They were so young, barely older than Keyleth when her mother died. They were suffering the loss of everything they knew and were forced to live with someone who not just plainly rejected them but who also did nothing to disguise their hatred for them. What a fucking asshole.

Keyleth was still deep into thought when Vax exited the bathroom. She only noticed him when he stopped by the foot of her bed to ruffle Trinket’s head, and then she followed him as he approached her bed and sat by her side again, where Vax bit his lower lip bashfully, avoiding eye contact with her. “Yes?” Keyleth asked. Vax hemmed and hawed, but finally, with his gaze still firmly set on her blanket, he asked, “Do you want to… can we–” He hesitated.

“You can ask me anything,” Keyleth said, laying a reassuring hand on his knee. Vax nodded and mustered the courage to look at her between his eyelids. His cheeks were flushed red, and his voice wavered as he asked, “Can we cuddle?”

Oh. Keyleth smiled. Please, that’s all I want. “Sure,” She said. Vax scooted closer to the middle of the bed and opened his arms to let Keyleth in. She sat sideways on his lap, legs curled up, and Vax wrapped one arm around her back and brought the other between them, where he intertwined his fingers with Keyleth’s. She finally let her head rest on his shoulder, right on the stupid wet spot of her tears, and Vax lowered his head to hers.

“Do you… do you want to hear the rest?” He asked.

“Of course, if you’re okay with sharing.”

“It might make you hate me,” Vax tensed. Keyleth shook her head as much as she could without bothering Vax and replied, “I doubt it. Nothing would make me hate you, Vax.” Nothing would make me stop loving you, is what she didn’t say.

Vax squeezed her tighter, as if he was trying to hold on to that hope, and continued his story. “I tried, for a while, but nothing I did seemed to be good enough for my father, and then he married. She is a good woman, kind and caring. She was always good to me and my sister, always made sure we were well-fed and cleaned. She wasn’t a mother figure, though, but neither of us was interested in replacing our mom with someone else. After the marriage, my father became worse, even stricter in his rules and assessments of our behavior and learnings. I stopped trying, then. I realized that no matter how many hours I put into studying or how many diction classes I had, I would never be good enough for him because he didn’t expect me to ever reach his unrealistic standards.

“So I started skipping classes, and I refused to change my accent and wear the clothes he wanted me to wear. As a punishment, my father ordered all of our clothes to be burned, so Vex and I were forced to wear what he wanted. I was barely older than eleven the first time he hit me when I refused to use his posh accent at an important dinner with his snob friends. He dragged me by the collar of my shirt to his office in front of everyone and slapped me across the face. He threatened that if I didn’t right myself, he would kick me and my sister out.” Keyleth shuddered hearing how badly Vax’s father treated him. Vax only squeezed her tighter, more for her comfort than his, and he kept talking, “I started sneaking out of the house when I was twelve. If Vex knew, she never said anything… at least not at first. I started hanging out with some shitty people back then and did things I’m not proud of. Vex found out when I came home one night with a black eye from a brawl. She scolded me until my ears bled and made me promise her I wouldn’t return to that place. I kept my promise but I still sneaked out at night, and I never told Vex where I went, in case my father found out. We have a sister, you know?” Vax paused.

Keyleth looked up at him, warmth immediately rising to her cheeks from the proximity of their mouths. It would be so easy to kiss him, but that was not the right moment. “You do?”

“Her name is Velora. She was barely a year old when we left.” Vax’s expression was filled with sorrow and guilt.

“Is that when…” Keyleth asked, remembering what Vax had said earlier, He almost killed Vex’ahlia. Vax nodded.

“It was one of the nights I sneaked out. He went looking for me, surely to punish me for whatever I did that day but found my room empty. He thought Vex knew where I was and was lying to cover my ass, so he–” Vax curled himself, burying his face in Keyleth’s neck. He was shaking so hard that Keyleth wrapped her arms around him and caressed his back affectionately.

“It’s okay. We can stop whenever you want.”

Keyleth’s shoulder became wet through her t-shirt. She kissed the top of Vax’s head with her eyes closed, taking in his scent and the warmth of his wet breath against her skin. She had never been a violent person, had never felt hatred, but at that moment, she knew she could kill the man for all he put his children through if she ever laid eyes on him. She allowed Vax to gather his thoughts, switching from rubbing his back to caressing his head, placing soft kisses to his crown and temple in between.

The weight on Keyleth’s stomach lifted as Vax’s shakes subsided. He took two long breaths, and once he finally calmed enough, Vax uncoiled from her embrace, wiped his tears, and said in a shaky, wet voice, “He called me into his office the next morning. He said a bunch of shit to me that I still repeat in my head today. I decided I was done and wanted out, so I planned our escape while my sister healed, and when she was good to move, we ran away during the night. Vex wanted to bring Velora, but I told her we couldn’t. It was the hardest decision I ever made, to leave my baby sister behind, but she was safe. She was planned and wanted. She’s safe,” Vax repeated as if he was trying to convince himself more than anything.

“So we were two fifteen-year-olds, lost in the woods with nowhere to go. We eventually made it to a town in the middle of nowhere where we worked odd jobs here and there, helping in the farms or whatever we could do to earn money to buy a bus ticket north. We found our way to Emon after a while, but again, we had nowhere to stay and were running out of money, so we lived out in the streets. It was harder to find jobs here. No one trusted a pair of dirty children like us, so we resorted to finding other ways to feed ourselves. Vex used her charming gifts to get us day-old bread and food from the stores, I would sneak in whatever I could. Only whatever was enough to feed us and then him.” Vax nodded at Trinket, who was sleeping peacefully like he had no worries in the world.

“We got robbed one night and lost all our money. I couldn’t do anything to stop it from happening. I failed my sister the night my father—I failed Velora by leaving her behind. And I failed us both the night we got robbed. I made a vow to never fail Vex again, so I started stealing money from passersby until we had enough to get us going again. I only stole small amounts, only whatever I could muster that they wouldn’t realize they had been pickpocketed.” Vax lowered his head in shame, “I’m not proud of it.”

Keyleth cradled Vax’s face in her hands, “Is that why you think I would hate you?” He nodded, but before he could say anything else, Keyleth said, “You did it to ensure your sister’s safety, not for greed, Vax. I would never, ever hate you for taking care of her, of yourself… You did what you had to do to survive.”

“What if I told you I killed someone?”

Keyleth shuddered. Her hands fell from Vax’s face and scrunched up the blanket on her lap. Her voice shook when she spoke, “What?”

“I failed Vex’ahlia a third time, when… when that motherfucker took her. I didn’t see her for almost a year, even though she still called and texted me. She managed to convince him to let me see her one day, and I—What my father did to her… what that man also did to her—I was so angry, so desperate, I wanted to kill him right there and then, but Vex stopped me. And good thing she did. I convinced her to leave him. It took a while, but she did it. Then, one night, he found us and tried to take her again, but I didn’t allow it. I had failed her enough times. So he attacked me, and in the middle of the fight, I stabbed him with my knife and… I killed him.”

“Vax,” Keyleth’s voice wavered. He refused to meet her eyes in fear of what he would see, but she lifted his chin with a strong grip. “That was self-defense, Vax. You—” “I killed someone, Keyleth.” Vax’s shoulders started shaking. Keyleth pulled him into a hug, “No, you saved your sister.” The only response was Vax’s sobs on her shoulder, wetness spreading to match the other side. “You were protecting her. I don’t hate you, Vax. I could never hate you. You know that, right?”

Vax shook his head just enough to say, “Why would someone even want to be with a useless failure like me?”

“You are not a failure, Vax. You had so many hardships in your life, and look where you are now. The top university in the continent, in the most coveted degree. Do you know how hard it is to get into Emon University, not to mention into Medicine? You’re top three in your class, Vax. You work so hard, and you’re such a nice, kind and caring person. You are not a failure. You are not useless.” Keyleth stopped, pushed him away enough to look into his eyes, and said assertively, “Do you really think no one wants you? I’ve seen the way Gilmore looks at you, Vax.” Vax chuckled a smile, “Besides… I’m sure there’s someone else out there who would want you,” Like me.

“You think so?” Vax asked tentatively.

“I know so.” Keyleth wiped his tears away with her thumbs, remaining the hold of his face in her grasp.

“Keeks,” Vax looked bashfully.

“Yes?”

“Do you want to go out with me?” Vax asked, biting his lip nervously. Keyleth was taken aback by the abruptness of the question.

“As in–a date?” Her heart was beating so fast in her chest that Keyleth thought it was going to jump out of her throat. Vax nodded. Keyleth swallowed a nervous squeal.

After everything that had happened that night, Vax still wanted to go out on a date with her, and even more, the fact that he asked her out after he was so vulnerable with her… Keyleth thought she was going to throw up the cookies and tea right on Vax’s lap from how hard her stomach leaped. She wanted this, right? A date… with Vax? She wanted him, and it was obvious he wanted her, for some gods damned reason. Even though she still shuddered at the idea of being in a romantic relationship with someone–of being loved by someone–the image of Vax’s arms around her, the feel of his breath on her lips, and the way he cared for her weren’t dreadful in the slightest. She could do it with him, right? Maybe? One step at a time, Keyleth reminded herself. First, a date, and then… then we’ll see.

“Of course,” Keyleth answered, leaning to kiss Vax’s cheek. He slumped against her, releasing a breath Keyleth hadn’t noticed he was holding, and laughed.

“I thought you were going to say no for a second there, Kiki.”

“Sorry. You caught me off guard,” She apologized. Vax shook his head and squeezed her.

“Thank you for telling me,” Keyleth brushed a hand on Vax’s hair, and when he looked at her confused, Keyleth clarified, “About your life. Everything that happened with your mom and your father.”

“Oh. I–There’s still more, but I’m drained.” Keyleth nodded in understanding. She lowered her hands to her lap and her head to avoid Vax’s gaze and mumbled, “Will you stay tonight?”

“Do you want me to stay?” Keyleth gave a short nod, still not looking at him. “I’ll stay. I hope Pike and Vex don’t kill me.”

“They won’t,” Keyleth said, moving out of Vax’s lap. “I’ll be right back,” She said as she got up and headed into the bathroom. When Keyleth returned, Trinket was back on Vex’s bed, curled against the pillows, and Vax was lying on her bed, under her comforter, with a hand behind his head on her pillow. Keyleth stumbled at the sight, at the smirk on Vax’s face as he opened the covers to let her in—she would have to climb over him to reach the other side—and patted the bed next to him invitingly. Keyleth looked him up and down, from his head to his bare feet, back to his head. She didn’t realize she was biting her lip until she felt the coppery taste of blood from her wound, which she immediately wiped with a tissue from her nightstand.

“Are you okay?” Vax asked, concerned, seeing her dab at her lip. Keyleth nodded and threw the slightly bloodied tissue into the trashcan by her nightstand. She then climbed over Vax’s feet and lay down facing him. Vax covered them and turned to his side, setting one arm on the mattress between him and Keyleth. She looked at it, her eyes drifting from his tanned, strong hands—how she would love to feel them on her skin—to where the tattoo of a raven peeked from the inside of his forearm, to his relaxed bicep. Keyleth’s gaze drifted up to Vax’s shoulder, which tensed as he followed her gaze, to the vein popping on his neck—that Keyleth wished to kiss and bite and feel the rushed beating of his heart there against her lips—to Vax’s jawline, his chiseled cheeks, his uncovered, pierced ears. Keyleth let her eyes linger on every beautiful feature of Vax’s face as if she needed to commit every single detail to memory so she could draw his portrait afterward—never mind the fact she couldn’t draw people even if her life depended on it. She smiled as she finally found his chapped lips that looked so inviting, even more so when Vax, too, smiled as Keyleth’s gaze lingered and as she mindlessly licked her lips.

Keyleth didn’t speak, and neither did Vax. Eventually, their gazes met, drifting ever so slowly to each other. The air turned far too warm under the covers, and they both held their breaths as they saw their own need reflected in the other’s eyes. It wasn’t a physical need as much as an emotional connection, at least to Keyleth. She wouldn’t deny the different desire she had felt the past weeks, but that wasn’t the foremost need that she wanted Vax to fill—that she knew only Vax could fill. Keyleth released her breath slowly as if she was afraid to scare him, like Vax was a skittish cat, and let her hand slide to the bed, a mere hairline from touching Vax’s hand where it still lay on the mattress. To Keyleth’s shock, who hadn’t heard him release the breath from before, Vax inhaled deeply, and even though his eyes never left hers, Keyleth knew he was aware of the distance that separated them and how easy it would be to transcend it.

Keyleth’s body buzzed in anticipation at what the touch would feel like. Would it be warm or cold? Soft or rough from Vax’s calloused hands? Would it be sturdy or shaky from nerves? Would Vax intertwine their fingers, or would he pull away? Would it make his heart skip a beat like hers did in that moment?

There’s only one way to find out, Vax’s eyes all but said. If someone told Keyleth that Vax had read her mind, she would have believed them because it was either that or that the desperation she felt for his touch was plainly written in her eyes, and that would be embarrassing. It was true, nonetheless. There was only one way to find out. So Keyleth moved by lacing her fingers with Vax’s and took in the layers of his reaction: a slight twitch of his fingers as she wrapped her hand around his; the release of tension on Vax’s shoulders; a shuddering breath; the drooping in his eyes as the man finally relaxed. Keyleth smiled lovingly, knowing he couldn’t see her with his eyes closed. She contemplated letting her own eyes shut, but Vax looked so calm and relaxed that Keyleth felt compelled to remain awake, to observe him and drink in all his features.

“You’re staring at me,” Vax spoke, opening one eye.

“Sorry,” Keyleth apologized bashfully. Vax brought their hands to his lips and kissed each one of Keyleth’s knuckles. He didn’t say anything, didn’t return their hands to where they had been between them. Vax merely looked at Keyleth for a while, until she finally returned his words, “You’re staring at me.”

“Because you’re beautiful,” Vax let go of their hands and opened his arms. “Come here,” He called. Like a sailor, Keyleth obeyed his call, shimmying her body until her head was on the crook of Vax’s neck and their arms around each other’s torsos. Vax kissed her forehead softly and nuzzled against her hair.

“I didn’t know you could sing,” Keyleth felt, more than heard Vax say. She nodded against his skin and replied, “I had singing lessons when I was young. I didn’t know you could play guitar.”

“The only good thing my father did besides siring me and my sister was force us to have music lessons. I refused the piano, and since Vex was already taking classes, my father didn’t care what other instrument I picked.”

“I’ve never seen a guitar in your bedroom,” Keyleth pointed out. Vax’s sigh against the top of her head tickled her.

“When we were robbed, even after I started stealing money, it wasn’t enough, so we had to sell a few things, mostly jewels we still had from our father, but even then… Vex’ahlia wanted to sell her bow, and it would have gotten us decent money for a while, but I couldn’t do that to her. She loves archery more than words can describe. So I sold my guitar to buy a knife.”

“The one in your nightstand?” Keyleth asked softly. Vax nodded. She let it sink in, the sacrifice he had made—all the sacrifices Vax had made—to protect his sister. She knew that even though it benefitted both, Vax had done it for his twin more than for himself. His stupid, selfless heart that he still didn’t see.

“I’m sorry you had to sell your guitar. You’re a great brother, Vax.”

“Hmm,” Was all Vax said as he nuzzled further against Keyleth’s hair. Her heart warmed at the feeling of him this close to her, even though it wasn’t the first time they shared a bed.

“It feels different,” Keyleth whispered, voicing out her thoughts.

“Hm?”

“Us. It feels different. Has been for a while.”

“It is different,” Vax mumbled and kissed the top of her head. “I like it.”

“Me too,” was all Keyleth said as she nuzzled against Vax’s neck.

The slow and steady beating of Vax’s heart worked like a metronome setting the cadence for her own heart. The rise and fall of Vax’s chest underneath her hand lulled Keyleth into such a deep sense of relaxation that she didn’t even realize the heavy weight of her eyelids had finally won the battle against wanting to keep observing Vax’s beauty. Keyleth drifted off to sleep with the scent of Vax wrapping around her, calming her. Maybe for the first time in months, Keyleth slept through the entire night, waking up the next morning to the sounds of voices in the house and the smell of cooking creeping from underneath her bedroom door. Maybe for the first time in a while, Keyleth didn’t wake up scared in the middle of the night from a haunting nightmare, but even if she had, Vax would have been there to hold her through it, to kiss her head and whisper sweet, reassuring words in her ear. And perhaps, it was with the knowledge of that being true that Keyleth allowed herself a moment of restfulness and happiness.

#YAYYYYYYY #STFU SYLDOR YOU DON’T KNOW SHIT #Aw he thinks of VELORA #The Matron???👀#poor baby vax he’s done so much for his sister #‘Kash was kissing Keyleth’ I FUCKING CALLED IT KASHAW YOU BASTARD #‘You get the fuck away I saw her first’ Kash istg Zahra better give you the talking to for your life Keyleth isn’t your property #‘Then why did she go out with me? Do you really think she would ever love a guy like you? Do you think anyone would?’ Kash you little shit #awww Percy being protective over his sister #‘I would let myself get killed before anyone laid a finger on her’ orrrr get turned into an orb #‘You can keep it’ Vax really just loving the sight of his future gf in his clothes #definitely got a feeling Kash started to get drunk after Vex told him Keyleth was on a date #‘Keyleth saw anger burning in his eyes and slapped his wrist to help him focus’ Yep that’s his wife #THE FACT HE STOLE PROBABLY HER FIRST KISS EVER AND IT WASN’T EVEN ROMANTIC IT WAS MOST LIKELY STRESSFUL AND TERRIFYING FOR HER KASH ISTG #AWWW VAX’S LOVE LANGUAGE: HAIR #Don’t worry Vax you’ll be in Zephrah later on just me remembering a certain drabble👀#‘Keyleth slapped Vax’s hand as he went for a butter cookie’ Yeah that’s definitely your wife #SYLDOR VESSAR WHEN I CATCH YOU #HE ALMOST DID WHAT TO VEX?!#wait so Saundor is dead or is that what Vax thinks?👀#‘Do you want to go out with me?’ YESSSSSS MY LOVES ARE GOING OUT #‘Will you stay tonight?’ This just reminds me of ‘I don’t want to be alone tonight’ and I love it so much #Same Keyleth same I’d be simping if I got to look at Vax too #these two dorks just staring at each other adorably #‘Because you’re beautiful’ HE SEES IT KEYLETH IF ONLY YOU COULD AS WELL #he sold his guitar?! best brother award goes to vax #Ik damn well Pike and Vex are gonna be so happy when they find out about the date #I feel like there was a MFL reference somewhere but I’m so overwhelmed by the happiness of them going on a date #WELL DONE AS ALWAYS SO EXCITED FOR THE DATE #AHHHHHHH I’M IN LOVE WITH THIS STORY

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