getting-through-themud
Revovery Is Not Linear
Trauma Sexual Abuse Survivor
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Worried you won’t sleep in your bed because I sleep there too.
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Hi vent blog
Going through sub drop and hating the fact that I need to go down 🤟 feeling useless, burdenful, and most of all unwanted! Say it again for the bitches in the back.
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no one notices your pain until it turns to anger and then you‘re the bad person
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i hope you heal from the things no one ever apologized for
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Literally stop asking me what my love language is!! It's all of them!! It's literally every single one of them, pretty much in equal measure. You want me to pick ONE? Unrealistic. I'm just a lovesick fool who goes around bleeding my heart out at the people I love! stop trying to make me pick!!
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how do you deal with anxiety ?
i let it fuck me up then i go to bed
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I self harmed (physically) for the first time in two years today.
I burned the fuck out my thighs and shins, let it sting and screamed with my fist in my mouth.
My pain tolorance is so low now, and I want to go just as long as I used to, and I can’t stop thinking about just tying my legs closed (and still, god they jumped every time the wax hit my legs.) and gaging myself and just... going until the candle is gone.
Maybe then I’ll feel validated in the pain I already feel, self harm aside.
#TW: self harm#dpd#rat speaks#rat rants#trauma blogging#actuallydependent#actually abused#actually traumatized#self harm log
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ive watched black widow, i loved it, here are my reasons why i know this movie was made with a female gaze
pockets
realistic fight choreography
not being scared to talk about topics such as human trafficking and forced sterilization
flat shoes
the suits werent skin tight
yelena putting the vial in her bra when she didnt have anywhere else to put it
taskmasters armor being badass and protective
the mother figure was the brains of the operation
showing that the father figure was abusive and holding him accountable for it
pockets
women had their hair tied back when fighting and doing things
no midriffs
how uncomfy men get when talking about the female reproductive system
correct anatomy for the female reproductive system
the trauma that comes with forced sterilization
nat was not sexualised by anyone and she never had to use her body to get out of a situation
nat slamming her head against the desk to break her nose and reset it by herself
however, there were still one too many shots of scarjo’s ass, why is all im saying
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thanks for following me but you’re gonna regret it later
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Self care- self harm- it’s all the same when there’s no sense of self.
#dpd#rat speaks#actually dependent#dependent personality disorder#rat rants#trauma blogging#tw self half#self harm#actually abused#actually traumatized
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Me; *drawing on myself to keep my hands busy and stop thinking of self harm*
Fp; “you’re acting like a middle schooler.”
Me; *the urge to scrub any ink of my body becomes so overwhelming that I may cry if it isn’t off my skin in the next several minutes.*
#dpd#rat speaks#actually dependent#dependent personality disorder#rat rants#GOD ITS SO BAD#I hate it here#I don’t want them to think less of me but all I’ve been doing is disappointing them so it’s fine if#self harm#TW: self harm
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“why why why why why, why the fuck did you have to break me? what was so fun about it? did it make your shitty ego feel a little less miserable watching my heart fucking break for you?”
—
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For the girl I used be
You were scared, I silenced you
You were angry, I silenced you
You were broken, I silenced you
Now you're petrified, unable to talk, think or move, I forgot you, I killed you in order to survive. And what a sad little surviver I became.
I am so sorry that I am the hand that never let you speak, I never let you grow up, I never let you live.
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my 2 moods:
Inconsolably Upset
Not Upset because I Don’t Have Needs
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