I identify mostly as a fictionhearted of this character, but i also identify as them. But i know I'm not them, even if i want to so deeply, i know i will never be them no matter how much i try to look and act like them. I wish i was them physically, i wish i was them mentally, have their family and friends and live in their world but i know im not. Is it that i am too self aware? Im confused about what and who i am, Any help?

Anon. Other people will give you different advice than I will.

But in my personal experience, what you need to do is reflect on and question if you are really not this character-- if you're fictionhearted-- or if you are this character-- if you're fictionkin-- but you're not allowing yourself to accept it.

It's easy sometimes to reject a fictionkin identity as too unbelievable. Either because we believe we don't "deserve" to be that person, or because we think it's too far fetched, or because we think it can't possibly be "real."

Other people will tell you it can't possibly be real, anon.

But I think you should consider the idea, because I believe it's real.

It doesn't matter what other people believe. It matters what you believe.

The medicalization of plurality that's ingrained into our brain has caused so many issues for me. Just the implications of that take such a toll every day. The idea that the life I remember living was never real. That none of the memories that shaped me into the person I am were ever real. The symptoms of PTSD I experience for things that never happened to this body (or even anything in the same realm, and no, it's not just repressed), aren't based in reality. People always say "well it's real to you" but that isn't enough. I'm not looking for validation about the way I feel about it or how it affects me. It was real, and I'm tired of pretending it wasn't.

Imagine waking up in a body that isn't yours. You know exactly who you are and where you came from, even if a lot of the details are foggy. But then everyone tells you that your existence is the product of a disorder, of traumas that you have no connection to because you didn't live them. And everything you remember? Didn't happen. It's all just shit your brain created to fill a gap or something, process the trauma (that you have no connection to). And that's honestly the best case scenario, if they're not calling you crazy or delusional.

So shoutout to all the beings with past lives who are constantly being invalidated by the medicalized bullshit of this world. If you say your life was real, we're gonna believe you. If that changes and you realize it was in fact a trauma response, then that's okay, we'll believe you then too. It's rough out there for beings like us, but just know you're not alone in having to put up with this shit.

As a heads up, this blog is mostly on hiatus for the moment, but we continue posting in a more personal way about our kin experiences at @overlord-mordax for those who may be interested.

Speaking as fictionkin and a fictive system member, I am so tired of seeing kin and fictives trying to police and restrict how other people interact with and discuss fandom, and the fanfiction and art they create and share.

Your source is not your property. The characters your kintypes and fictives come from are not your property.

If you can't deal with human/singet/normie fans and how they treat your source material as fictional then you need to block tags or users, or not interact with fandom at all.

You cannot control the way other people interact with fandom for the sake of your own feelings.

truth is, underneath it all, a lot of our beliefs aren't rational, and they're formed young. all those stories of magical protagonists. secret worlds if you just had the key. creatures just out of view. all that shit we imagined doesn't go away because we got older. in a lot of ways it gets bigger, more elaborately built on.

i think we're hiding the emotionally devastating core of the walrus vs fairy debate under jokes.

you see a fairy on your doorstep? and you think finally.

What’s the difference between spiritual and psychological kin?

Psychological kin believe that their kintype is because of something happening in their brain.

Spiritual fictionkin believe that their kintype is because of real actual literal magic/ occult/ spiritual reasons.

Psychological kin generally don't believe that souls, magic, alternate universes etc exist. They believe their kintype is similar to being non-neurotypical or due to a mental disorder.

Spiritual fictionkin believe that souls, magic, alternate universe etc do exist and are the reason for their kintype. (The exact specific beliefs are different for each fictionkin).

A friend of the site who wishes to remain anonymous has generously begin translating articles into Spanish.

affirmations

i am so good at pretending to be human

my human disguise looks basically just like the real thing

i can withstand the feeling of my wings and tail being cramped for several hours in a row

it's really normal or even cute when i growl

i can easily partake in human conversations

Your info helped me discover my first kintype. Now 3 years later you're helping me discover my second :) thank you <3

I am so happy to hear that! This is one of the biggest reasons we still post and maintain the archive.

Kintype/fictive from an ongoing shonen manga is the worst curse imaginable.

Discovered tonight that one of our lives is probably not only portrayed in the wrong genre in the canon source material but is missing an entire layer of narrative.

Something funny I've noticed is that we tend to have broadly typical interpretations, headcanons, ships and opinions about fiction we're fans of that aren't fictive/fictionkin sources for us.

And our opinions, ships, and interpretations of the fiction that is our fictive source material--based on our own lived experience of it-- is completely unhinged in comparison to typical regular non-fictive interpretations and totally at odds with typical fans.

Absolutely livid that every work of fiction under the sun depicts "losing your humanity" as something inherently bad and morally wrong.

"I'm not human anymore and that makes me automatically evil and bad in every way possible and now you have to kill me for the plot" Yeah sure thing buddy get bent.

"I'm not human anymore and it's okay because I don't need to be a human in order to be capable of giving and receiving love, and you know what? I think I'm better this way." Oh sweetheart I understand completely and I love you so much. Come here you kind beautiful inhuman little thing

Ok, another poll time!

Nope! You can't vote unless you're therian/alterhuman/otherkin (etc etc) because I don't want the votes to be skewed :) thank you!

You obviously don't have to but if you could reblog for more people to answer that'd be helpful! I'm very curious if using it/its is common in the therian community!

I started using it/its and it's slightly helped with my species dysphoria, because I feel like people more often refer to animals as it/its "It's so cute!" "what's its name?" "How old is it?" (Plus many many other examples that I'm too lazy to list out!)

one of the frustrating things about being fictionkin or fictive-- especially with a source that's very popular-- is that sometimes a popular fandom headcanon or fanon can distort your memory, or make you doubt your memory of the things that happened to you.

So this is a reminder for all my fictionkin and fictive friends.

Just because something's a popular headcanon--hell, even if something is actually canon to your source material-- that doesn't mean that's the way it happened to you.

Don't let outside influences distort what you know about yourself-- esspecially if they're upsetting to you.

Dear Neil, Are you human?

And also, in my book report (that's gonna be on Good Omens), may i call you by your private name? My teacher peobably won't approve because that would be implying we're friends, but if you say we're friends she'll have to accept it.

Sincerely, another person who's life you've changed

I'm honestly good with anyone out there with who is writing a book report calling me Neil. Because if you're reading my Tumblr, I'm sure we're friends. Unless you're hate-reading it, in which case I'm sure we shall be friends one day.

Does it make sense to say you are afraid even if also deeply curious about what introspection regarding kin stuff can lead you to?

Absolutely it makes sense. The exotrauma related to understanding your kin lives can hit like a brick.

But introspection is important if you think you might have kin stuff to figure out.

Because sometimes exotrauma hits you without knowing where it's coming from-- and that makes it even harder to deal with.

Identifying your kintypes and figuring out your stuff can make it a lot easier to deal with the feels when they hit you.