OD

One day, I will open my eyes and I will see you lying next to me

eyes closed, breathing slowly, your hair down unto your neck

I'd look at your lips as I lean forward to kiss it.

One day, you will be within an arms reach

your soft skin against mine, your beautiful scent all over our place

I'd pull you into my grip and bury my head on your shoulders

One day, this will be in the corner, slowly turning to perfectly happen

One day, is not far away. One day, there will be no more distance.

It will be You and I and our day one.

Nothing is more painful than the pain of waiting. Incomparable and indescribable feeling. Days and nights go by slowly and I'm trying to keep my head and hopes up but I can't win. All my why's and what if's stacking up and I can't help but blame myself for going through this. These time's are hard.

LDR round 2

It's been 3 months since I flew back to Canada. It may look like that days goes by quickly but it never is for a yearning heart. I will never get used to missing you, I will always have sleepless- crying nights and it will not end until I get to be with you. God must been hearing me say your name a million times a day because I can't stop thinking of you. My prayers are built around you, I pray for us to be together and I can't wait to start our life already. I love you so much, you are the greatest part of my life. I will wait, I will stay strong because our love deserves all the best things in this world. You are my one and only. Always, forever.

FOREVER ∞ ALWAYS

My Love @jetismine

I promise to be there for you anytime. May it be night or day as long as you need me, no matter how far or tired I am YOU will ALWAYS come first.

I promise to understand you more in times of difficulties. I know we will have challenges that will come along but I promise that you won't face it alone because I will always be by your side.

I promise that I will protect you, help you, guide you whenever you feel the world is against you. I will be your rock and I will keep you warm and safe as long as I live.

I promise to love you for the rest of our lives until all our next. I will be loyal, faithful and just to you. I'm always grateful for your love and I will never take you for granted.

I promise to always choose you, choose us whatever happens.

I LOVE YOU SO MUCH, NOW, FOREVER and ALWAYS UNTIL THE NEXT LIFE.

Grateful 2021

As I sat here contemplating about life and how it has been for me, I always end up being grateful beyond words. I know there is a God who loves me, guides me and protects me all through out this ride. I made a goal list at the start of this year (2021) and out of 8, I was able to tick 6 of it. Simple things that I wanted to accomplish for the year and was able to make it. I am very thankful for this life because at times I still can’t believe how far I have come. It is true that I am living the life that I once dreamed of but the dream continues on.. I won’t stop, I don’t stop. 

I will continue to strive with grit and along with prayers and faith, I know I will get there. For God and by God I know I will come out winning no matter how challenging life is at times. 

My ten-fold

Every time I think about my life, my past and all the things I have done I still question myself on how I was able to score you. Someone so perfect, honest, innocent, pure, loving and beautiful. You are an 11 and I’m a max 5 on a good day. If whatever I give out comes back to me in ten-fold, then how did I ever pull an angel like you? I was not someone who gives out something good when all I did years prior to meeting you was intoxicating myself and hurting people who did nothing but to love me. Having you is a miracle, God must have been watching my back. Maybe he wants to end the poison I keep pouring on myself because he allowed me to have you. Maybe he did some reverse psych on me that instead of giving me to some love-killer like me, he then sent me an angel that you are my way. You are way out of my league, you are beautiful and your heart’s so kind. I knew the moment I laid eyes on you that I can never hurt you. All I could ever do now is shower you with so much love that is greater than anything I have ever felt. I will always be grateful to God’s reverse psych and I will do everything I can to be kept by you. I love you so much baby, I may or may not have put something good out there but I am certain it came back to me in tenfold and you are my ten-fold. Happiest birthday to my greatest love @jetismine! know that I celebrate you everyday but today is the most special of all days. I love you the most and I miss you so much everyday. Mahal na mahal kita!!!

The couch got me thinking

I think by now we have to normalize arguing in wee hours. I will never complain waking up to a fight, if that will mean explaining our thoughts and understanding each other's heart. I would rather stay up all night figuring out our challenges than to pretend sleep. I would rather wake up by your weary voice because I know you want to work it with me than not talking about it at all. I am ready for war even if you call it at 3am if it means saving our relationship. I want it with you, I want to go through it with you and win every difficulties that may come our way. I want discussions, I want to hear explanations and as long as there are words left to say, I want to hear it. I don't want anything left unsaid. I would rather bleed, wounded and scarred than feel nothing because we did not try. I'll take every bullet, every grenade thrown to us because I can take it for us. I would rather lose my sleep or not get any of it because I want to listen to you. I am not afraid to lose in arguments if it means learning every seams that stitch you together. I don't care about sleepless nights if it's for you. No matter how many times we do this, I will never leave. You are the love of my life. You are the name that runs through my vein and the only one who have completely taken all the space in my heart.

Forever my beating heart

Another year with you, a complete turn around the sun. I can’t believe I get to say this because who would've thought right? Sometimes I can still catch myself in awe while staring at you. I pinch myself, blink twice and bite my lips thinking how could someone as beautiful as you, so perfect, so pure and kind would fall in love with me. But then you get to look right at me, your eyes piercing through my soul and without a doubt, in a heartbeat, without blinking you utter the words I love you. Those words casts away all my worries, made me forget all my traumas and you make me feel brand-new. Your love brought me to the safest place I could only imagine. You are my dream come true and the prayer I have been religiously asked every time I kneel down and close my eyes. You are the love of my life, you are my reality and I will do everything I can to keep you. Thank you for choosing me and for believing in me. You inspire me to be better in all aspects of my life. You made me a better human, gave me positivity, gave me purpose and made me realize that life should be lived with kindness and gratitude. I believe that our God brought us together, we may have started later in our life but whatever happened to our past is the universe way of preparing us to be ready for each other. Now that I have you, every questions that I once had has been answered. Now I don’t have any worries because I’m in the best place, the greatest place I can be. Now I know, that it’s you I will grow old with. I know that with you I will spend the rest of my life. I know with you, one lifetime is not enough that’s why I pray that I would be permanently be with you in all our next. I will always find you like how I did in this life and I truly believe that this life we have right now is the continuation of our past life love story. Feels like I have known you for so long when I met you, and that we clicked once I made you remember that I’m the one you were looking for. We fit perfectly for each other, we understand each other without even talking. Our eyes speaks to each other’s souls. You are the one, my only one. You my greatest love, thank you for your undying support, honesty, loyalty and faithfulness. I can’t imagine my life without you in it. You are my whole heart, my forever beating heart. I love you so much that it hurts in a good way @jetismine. I will always be yours forever and the next. Thank you and I miss you so much.

Sprung

And just like that spring has officially begun. There’s a lot of change that will come around the corner- the melting of ice, trees and the grass will start to bloom, the chirping of the birds that you will hear to start your day, the breeze of air becoming warm and our time difference has decreased to 11hours. It has been 376 days since the last time we have been physically together. Despite the distance and time zones we have overcome our FOMO (Fear Of Missing Out). We continue to grow as a person, win the challenges and still support each other. We are located polar opposite of each other, my nights and your days but we make it work. It may be difficult but it if you are with the right person everything is bearable. I don’t know how we do it but it feels amazing to be here with you. I’m still crazy completely in love with you even if we have been apart longer than we were physically together. Nothing will ever change no matter what season we are in. You have me, got me, all of me at your disposal. You don’t have to ask me twice because I will do it in a heartbeat. I want you to remember that I will always love you, adore you, respect you and prioritize you. I only have eyes for you, you have my heart, you have my all for always and forever @jetismine.

There are days that I feel so hopeless of my situation. Being in a long distance relationship requires a LOT of work, patience and understanding. Sometimes I feel that days intentionally make themselves longer just to annoy me and today is one of those days. It's officially winter and the year is almost over, I have a lot of thoughts inside my head. There are questions that needs to be answered but only time can tell. I miss you every second and it kills me not to spend it with you. Life is full of uncertainties and tomorrow is not promised but I want you to know and remember that I love you today and all of my tomorrows will always be for you. I am scared of life, I'm scared to die. I wanted to live so that I can spend it with you. I want us to be together, I want to hold you, be able to touch you and spend all my waking moment loving you. I have never ever felt so honest and committed to someone in my life as what as I have with you. Baby, you are my core. my everything. I never would have thought I can manage an LDR, that's how committed I am in loving you. mahal na mahal kita baby, I love you so so much, A yan chit tal ka lay. I love you in all languages, I love you in all forms. I am for you and I will always want to be known yours. I can't wait to be legally yours. You are my best friend, my inspiration, my forever crush and the love of my life. My greatest love. Thank you for coming into my life,Thank you for staying with me and working things out with me. Thank you for choosing me everyday. I am grateful and blessed that I am loved by you. I miss you so so much and I love you so so much baby ko @jetismine 💍

To my Virgo Baby

You always tell me that I am capable of a lot of things but the truth is I don’t know how to do it without you. If you think that I figured things out and I have all plans laid out but I am nothing compared to you.

You are one tough of a shell to crack, a wall built to high to climb and can even take a hell of a heat but still won’t break. You have this burj-khalifa height of confidence that you use in the kindest way. And that people around you feels secured of your presence. You are the people go-to for straight up advises. You don’t stop until you have the right answers, and you don’t leave people hanging no matter how difficult the situation is. You always face challenging situations with a clear head and come up with a top-notch solution for each one.

Most of the time, You are never alone because everyone love to be around you. You’re fun, charismatic and honest. People laugh with you and you can easily disarm them with your innocent humor and because they feel safe about you that they can share what they have in their hearts. You are magical in all ways.

Yet what most dont know is that you are hard on yourself. The way you criticize yourself and how you put pressure on yourself because you wanted things done perfectly. You don’t want to wait, you rarely ask for help. You don’t depend on others and you don’t want to bother anyone. You just do it. But you don’t have to be like these all the time because I know behind those tough appearance, you are soft and vulnerable inside. You know how to hide things about you or partition the things you wanted to share to a certain group of people in your life. I don’t know how you do it but you’re amazing in handling all of these.

You are an alpha and you are my inspiration. Like I always tell you, I am your number one fan. You changed my life and my perception about it. You make me want to live more and do more. You don’t even have to ask me but I am better because of you. I want to be the best version of myself because I have you. And because you only deserve the best. I love you so much my baby. You are a gift to this world. You make this world a better place. You are a beacon of light to the people you love and to me, You are my sunshine, my source of strength. 

Happy Happy Birthday Mahal ko, My Baby, My Ka lay, My Chit Chit, My Love. I love you so so much, Mahal na mahal kita, A yan Chit Tal. I Miss you everyday. You are my forever and my forever crush. I am forever yours.

LIFE GETS BETTER

I never really had a chance to put into words what happened to me before. I’m opening up now not because I wanted to talk about my past, But because I’m past the regrets, point blaming and finding answers. This post is not for someone else. This post is for me and about me.

I had a long term super serious and I believed to be the relationship I will keep till the end. It was a 9year no break relationship, I was 17 that time and we were both just starting our degrees. I was happy and I know I wanna keep it till I can. Being young together and starting the relationship we had a lot of firsts, plenty of dreams and of course never ending fights. We both grow as a couple from studies to becoming employed. People look up on us cause they thought we were perfect, I thought too but it took a lot to stay and maintain the relationship. There are red flags, countless number of red flags but I never gave attention on it because I chose to stay. Our close friends knows about what’s really happening between us and family knows all about our senseless, energy draining fights. People say we were toxic and I don’t want to admit but we were, who wants to get out of something you were comfortable of? who wants to end a socially perfect relationship? I stayed but I didn’t know that staying in an unhealthy relationship will have an long term effect on me. 

Within the last years before the break up, She had an opportunity to work abroad. She kept her application from me, I was only made aware of after she had the interview. She said it will be better for the both of us to at least have a distance break because were becoming toxic and I’m telling you it hurts so bad, knowing that I always choose her no matter what but knowing that she chose otherwise hurts like hell. The LDR started and I know the moment she moved away that it would be the end, and so after 6 months on LDR we broke up. I was devastated, I went dark.

I don’t know how to handle the pain of what I’ve been going through, I had a lot of dark thoughts, anxiety attacks, I was hopeless. I find comfort from my friends and my brothers but no one can help me ease the pain. But I can’t stop the world from moving, I have to rebuild myself, I work my ass off. I sometimes go on 24 hour shifts and I don’t go on day offs. I tried being happy, I had good days but I always relapse. I thought that this will go on and I accepted that I will never find the kind of relationship like hers. But I never stopped praying for better days, to help me heal the pain. There were people who offered love and care and I thought maybe, can help me move on. I was wrong because I just hurt them too. I’m not over my past, I’m not healed and moving on should start from myself and not because of someone else. Help and inner happiness should come from within. I can’t make myself believe of something that I don’t have. So I still indulged myself to the fact that I won’t be happy anymore, and no one will make me feel that way. But I never stopped praying for complete healing as I cry myself to sleep.

After almost 5 years, 2 rebounds and never ending prayers, I found the love I chose to have and deserve and life has never been better. What I’m trying to say is, don’t give up on life because it will get better. Time will give you answers, Prayers help and mostly God never fails. If I ever gave up then I will never be this complete and happy. There are a lot of things I will miss if I ever gave up on life and I’m grateful I trusted the process. I learned to rebuild myself, help myself because no one will be there for me but me. Yes, there are bad days but there will always be better days just don’t give up.

I’m sorry for the pain that I’ve caused the 2 people who did nothing but helped me, cared for me and loved me in spite and despite of. I wish nothing but happiness and I’m thankful for your good heart and the experiences. 

Thank you 9years for the life experience, the growth and the pain. I will not know what I deserve and what I can achieve if I stayed. I wish you peace and happiness.

To my self, Thank you for not giving up no matter how much it hurts and how many set backs you had. You are stronger than what you think. Who would’ve thought you’d achieve greater things? A life that you only dreamed before? Who would’ve thought you’d make it this far? Who would’ve thought you’d be with the most beautiful girl ever? Remember that you are a warrior, a soldier with valor. Don’t be too hard on yourself, don’t stop believing. You are loved and you are inspiring. May God bless you more and more. 

To my Baby, the love of my life -- I’m grateful for you, you saw the best in me even in the most difficult times. You chose to stay, you chose me. Thank you for loving me and believing in me, I appreciate all that you do for us. I will hold on to you until the end, I will take care of you and will love you more and more each day. You are my now and forever, I promise to be with you for the rest of my life. You are my best friend, my family, my soul mate. I can’t wait to be with you and start our life together. I will do everything for you my love. You are my dream come true, my greatest love and my forever crush. Take good care always, I will see you next year and a little bit more wait, we will be together forever. I love you so so much!

To the one who owns my heart-- Thank you

I remember when I used to admire you from afar

I watch you walk around the hall, hair down and glasses bigger than your face

You have this cute height but you’re the only one I see amidst the crowd

My eyes followed your every move like a spotlight in the dark room

All I have were questions, who are you? where can I find you next? I wonder which ward are you in or do we even have common friends?

I don’t see you often but I keep on looking for the next

I know for that moment, I have the biggest crush on you

I’m inlove with your smile, those perfect set of teeth

I fell inlove with the emotions your eyes bring whenever you look at something with full attention

I know you were special because I have never felt so cold and warm at the same time whenever you looked my way.

I want to meet you, to know you and if I get lucky maybe you’d get to know me too?

I remember asking someone for your number but was declined

I was able to text you but got responded with a cold shoulder

ok, I don’t know maybe you think I’m weird

I put on a joke but you tap me with an awkward remark

ok, so maybe not that kind of humor

I ask if you can bring me some food but of course you don’t find it fair

ok, so maybe you’re not just in the mood

I ask if you can bring me home something, even the smallest, cheapest from a trip but you totally forgot about it

ok, maybe I just wasn’t clear of what I was asking for that’s why you can’t remember

I asked one of our common friends that I’m free if they’re going out to hang, I’m hopeful you’d be there. Yes, you were there but just that I never get an invite.

These are some of the few crazy things I did, like a stone I was using to hit the moon. But I will never have it in any other way.

Because one day, throw and shoot, repeat I was able to shoot the shot and life has never been this happier. 

You are my brightest star, my greatest discovery was finding you. The universe is vast but our paths aligned and I’m thankful we happened.

To you, my forever crush, my greatest love, my end of time, My baby, I’am grateful for you. You own my heart, my time and I’ll be forever loyal and faithful to you no matter what. I love you so much my love. I miss you always. Thank you for making me the happiest, accomplished and proud because you chose to stay with me, I’m grateful.

😭😭😭 im crying. i love you so much!!

Since you came into my life and everything turns magical.Your love,your touch and your care make a huge impact on me.I feel like I am a flower which blooms beautifully because of your love 💕 I wanna be a better person because of you ☺️ you are my shining star 🌟

I love the way you are baby.You are such a cutie pie.clingy and sweet 😘I like your smile and you smile genuinely and it melts my heart 💓

I am grateful for every single things you do for me love.Thank you for courting me everyday.Our one year anniversary is just around the corner and I am so excited.It’s a pity that we can’t be physically together to celebrate but our love for each other matter right?I love you so so much♥️I just hate this distance 😞

And I miss you so bad.I miss holding your hands.I miss our dates and our cuddles.You are my forever baby.I can’t wait to the day when you’re mine officially 🤵 let’s be strong and get through this.My love for you won’t change and I am secured with your love.Thank you bebu.I just miss you so so much.Mahal na mahal kita love.Please be healthy and safe❤️

MY BABY WROTE SO BEAUTIFUL ❤️THANK YOU LORD FOR HER!! ❤️

54 days since you left my side and I miss you more than I could describe.There isn’t a single day passed by without missing you baby.You are the first thing I think of in the morning and the last thing that stays on my mind every night.I love you so so much.I didn’t know I could love someone this much and I am so blessed to have you in my life.We talked about how our lives changed after we met each other,our first encounter and we smiled everytime because we still feel like yesterday.Everything falls in place and I couldn’t ask for more but be grateful for that moment.I always wanted to have someone who can actually understand me and read my mind and there you are♥️you are my missing piece in my life.Like you always said our brain waves are the same because we get each other jokes and we know what’s happening with each other.Just a glance and you know it right away.Isn’t this beautiful?That’s what I am looking for my whole life and I met my other half.Thank you for choosing and loving me baby.You are my greatest love and I love you so so much.I just wanna let you know that the love I have for you won’t fade away just because we are miles apart and sometimes our schedules doesn’t match to make time for each other.Nothing can break our bond and I know we are stronger and better together.We will come out more stronger than ever love.We will survive through this.Mahal na mahal kita baby ko💍 All I want is just to be with you🙏 I miss you so bad.I am looking forward to the day when I can hug you so tight 🤗 Always and forever love ♾

I remember the days that I prayed for someone who I will love more than I can take. The nights I can't sleep, crying and asking God for answers. Why? - Why do I feel alone? Why I feel so empty? Why im unhappy? Even if there are alot of things I should be grateful for, I just can't find the answer why I am incomplete. Everyday I wake up the same, nothing thrills me. I believe I'm depressed and it was not easy. It was years, it was 4 and a half years of emptiness. I have no purpose, no plans, no goals, no nothing. Sometimes I pray at night that I won't make it to the morning because I don't wanna do it again, the same routine of feeling shit about myself. I kept on praying, crying, begging for answers until YOU came. One night, just one and it changed everything. YOU came, It was a 180 turn in one night. Suddenly, I was off my feet and I know that YOU are the ANSWER. Since you, I'm now scared to die because I wont be able to hug or see you if I do. YOU made me plan and achieve my goals. YOU made me believe in myself that I can better my life in all aspects. Because of YOU, I can finally commit 100% of time, effort , service and LOVE. I can finally be true to myself and to what I feel with no hesitations. I'am clean, loyal and faithful with nothing to hide nor fake anything. You made me the better version of myself and because of YOU Iam here now. Grateful, humbled and content for each day of having YOU in my life. Baby, I will never know what life would have been for me if I never met you but all I know is I don't wanna go on with my life WITHOUT YOU. I love you so so much, more than anything in this world and all I wanna do is to be with you for the rest of my life. I miss you everyday and every single second I don't get to spend with you. I don't wanna lose you baby, I'm so afraid to lose you and to not be able to see you again. I love you so so much and I'm thankful for you. I miss you so much my love, I am forever yours. YOU are my HOME.

my heart!!! ❤️❤️❤️ i love you so so much!!! ❤️❤️❤️

I miss you and I miss us.of course I miss our travels too.we’re excited about taiwan trip and I was praying we could make this trip happen amist of corona outbreak and just before application of your visa to CA.And it did happen😍I love everything about us.This was memorable trip for us.Since we knew our leaves were approved,we started to book the flights and hotels that’s filled with our excitement.I know how you love to wear jackets and feel the winter so I am really happy that we went to taiwan and Syrempre it’s your birthday month♥️nothing is more excited than this.As I said this trip was memorable because you knelt down and asked for my hand 💍 and I said YES.I had no idea that you bought the ring a month ago and infront of the 101 tower you proposed to me.You got me off guard love.Who would have thought that we would be together?🥰Thank you for letting me part of your life and asking me to be yours.I love you so much.You would often ask me like do you think it’s too early?Let me tell you bebu,I don’t care about what the others people said or their opinions.This is our lives and we make our choices.I just don’t wanna waste time and I know you don’t give a f* too.so stay in love and let’s be strong.I love you with all my heart and I miss you so bad.Please take care of yourself and be safe.I love you so much bebu😘