lmao i remember cringing at ppl who sh when i was 10~12

i wish i wouldn't wake up in the morning

i don’t know what is wrong with me

me and my mom constantly get into fights over dumb shit, but it mostly comes down to one thing: i can’t show my emotions like a normal fucking human being.

im a completely different person at school/with friends. idk why but i basically have two personalities: one is really extroverted and doesn’t give a fuck about anything and the other one is tired 24/7 and thats basically it lol. i don’t show what i feel unless that emotion is completely consuming me, so when im at home (aka i just don’t try so fucking hard to be someone im not), i don’t show any emotions and lay in bed all of the time. it’s not like i don’t do anything, i have really good grades and try to not cause any problems, but oh my fucking god how annoying my mom is about it

when we argue, my mom’s main argument is the fact that “she had depression too”, and that might be really fucking selfless of me, but i don’t fucking believe her. i think she just grieved or had a harder time, but definitely wasn’t depressed. if she was, she would’ve understood how i feel.

also oh my god how weird she acts sometimes. one day she says she’s so proud of me and the other she talks about how she thinks i’m a spoiled brat. we’re friends, then she yells that she would’ve been happier if i wouldn’t come home. i feel like if i had a failed attempt at suicide, she would’ve just said that i’m overreacting and she’d take my phone away lol, but if i would’ve actually succeeded, she’d FINALLY be sad that she said shit like that to me

what would someone reasonable do in this situation?? therapy. the thing is, we talked about it. i am on antidepressants since my mom took me to a psychiatrist, and even the psychiatrist said that i might need therapy, but my mom said that i don’t act like i need it and that she spent lots of money on me already, and that she doesn’t have a money tree etcetc

idk i just wish i wasn’t such a bitch and would finally kill myself. this would solve all of my problems.

this post is so grammatically incorrect lmao please ignore it, i just had to get it out

genuinely starting to believe that if I killed myself tonight no one would give a fuck.

Are you ever just sitting around doing nothing but then you get suicidal?