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fariest · 23 days

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till forever falls apart 𑁍ࠬܓ jake sim

pairing: widower!jake x fem!reader

genre: LOTS of angst like a lot, childhood friends to lovers, hurt/comfort/no comfort, some fluff here and there, coming of age, bittersweet ending.

word count: 8k words (or more..)

synopsis: jake came unto your life when you needed it the most. you didn’t expect it but he did and it all did happen on that one specific bench behind the beach you both grew up on, that one summer night. jake just had no idea you would slip through his fingers the way you did. and not that fast either.

warnings: character death, grief & loss, jake is a widower and has a daughter, unknown illness, mature language & cursing, low self worth, depression, mental break downs, fighting, marriage, mentions of seizures, hospitality, medication, just a lot of sad shit i’m so sorry in advanced.

a/n: here it is. mind you i wrote this with a heavy heart and a lot of thoughts in mind ( ; ω ; ) but either way i hope you all like this as much as i liked writing it. this is not proofread by the way, i apologize.

Jake’s feet were practically dragging. Everyone would probably have noticed that but in that moment, his biggest wish would probably be to erase everyone’s existence. He’s been living in his own shadow for felt like years. The only one he’s been vividly making eye contact with was his daughter and the florist he’s been going to for the past few months. Yet it felt for much longer. After all he was counting the days. With a heavy heart that was once filled to the brim with happiness and all the things he’s ever wanted.

The florist, a lady in her late fifties, always welcomed Jake with open arms and it was gestures like that, that made him feel smaller than ever. He wanted to return it, he really did but all he could do, was request the bouquet of flower he was in search for, with an even heavier heart. And if the words weren’t enough, he would point to that one specific section where they were kept. It usually didn’t take long since he memorized it.

Your favorite ones.

Peonies.

His mom called him before he left to buy those flowers. He was surprised with how different she sounded compared to him, or maybe it was because he was starting to forget how everyone sounded, especially those the closest to him. After all he was completely wrapped up in his own arms that felt far too empty and cold to the touch that he couldn’t help but let it happen. With his phone pressed to his ear, he let his mom do the talking while he was busy staring at nothing. More like the place where you used to sleep beside him and him basking in the comfort of your soft snores. You felt so close, so warm. You provided the warm that was missing and now he had to bask unto nothing but coldness. A lit up candle couldn’t even mend the wounds together. He had no idea how long he stayed on the phone with his mom for but at some point he could hear her sniffle and being in the state he was, he couldn’t ask her what was wrong. He was barely doing better himself.

And the call ended with him saying nothing and her saying it wasn’t his fault. The exact same thing she said the last time he saw her those many months ago.

He was debating whether to go check in on his daughter, knowing she would question the state he was. It wad the witty and her ability to be attentive and Jake knew she got that from you. He saw you right through her.

These were one of the days where he was far too deep unto the dark corners of his mindset where he didn’t bother with himself and how hard he was on himself. Jake almost breathed a sigh in relief when he saw his daughter still passed out in her bed, white sheets pulled up to her chin and tightly wrapped around her, the cloud lamp that you gifted to her on her fourth birthday, perfectly dimmed and casting a mellow glow over the roundness of her cheeks. Down on the floor, was Layla sleeping, with her resting on her front paws. The dog he got when he was ten, the one you raised with him.

This was one of the moments where Jake allowed himself to smile, a small smile without feeling bad for doing so.

Jake shook his head when he heard a voice briefly pull him out of his thoughts. His visions cleared and he saw the florist give him a sympathetic smile, probably sensing something, the grey hair framing her face in a way that matched her soft yet gentle features.

“Are you okay, young man?”

Jake was a bit taken aback but settled for a nod before eyeing the bouquet that the lady has managed to wrap up with obvious care.

It was like she saw right through him.

“I know what it’s like to lose someone.” She sadly smiled.

“These flowers,” She gestured to the Peonies, “They are for someone.. someone special, aren’t they?”

Gulping, Jake averted his eyes but still nodded.

“She was my everything,” He slowly forced out and he saw the lady perk up, “My childhood sweetheart, my best friend, my wife. And the mother to our daughter.”

“She was also basically everything I wasn’t yet she still made sure to remind me that she would love me no matter what. Her grip on my hand was tight until it wasn’t but even so, I knew she wouldn’t let go no matter what,” Jake swallowed back his urge to cry, but talking about her tugged at the strings holding him together. And he felt like the lady sensed that before she settled a old wrinkly hand on his shoulder.

The tears were already rolling down by then. Tears he’s been holding in all those months ever since.

“She sounded lovely,” Patting his shoulder, she continued, “I know she would’ve been proud of you especially for still being here, somewhere on the ground where she can look at you from afar,”

“I miss her, ma’am.” Looking up with bloodshot eyes, the lady offered another sympathetic smile, before handling him a tissue.

“I know, child.” She nodded, “I’m not saying you will overcome this grief soon or frankly ever. But you shouldn’t be so hard on yourself. When you think about her, please do not always think about the negatives that comes along with it, think about the fact that out of everyone, you were the one she chose. Think about how she chose to love you even with all your flaws and how none of those things would ever change the way she saw you.”

Jake remembered the day. Clear and bright under the moonlight. He was eleven, fairly tall for his height with black strands that always fell over his eyes with how the wind always loved to mess with it. Everyone said that he had that soft look yet gentle demeanor look from his mom, he’s heard it so much to the point where he started believing them. After all his mom was a phenomenal woman.

Ever since dad walked out on both of them, mom has tried her hardest to raise him by herself despite her being young still. She was still in her youth and it was a sad sight to not see her do all the things people her age did. Travel the world, figure out themselves and planning their future without anyone standing in their way of doing so. Jake’s biggest fear was being in her way specifically, being a burden but the warmth from her embrace managed to tell him everything he needed to know. And so he tried his best to help her despite not knowing half of the things he did but he didn’t want his mom to cry anymore. He didn’t want her to downgrade herself and blame herself for things that were out of her control. He wanted her to go to bed with a gentle mindset and now all of the things that used to eat her up.

His mom went to sleep early that night and Jake promised himself that he would prep himself his own dinner and cut up some fruit for his mom since he knew she loved those, and then take out the trash.

Opening the gates, he dragged the plastic bag behind him before dumping it in the big green trash container. The summer nights were getting warmer and times like this reminded Jake off how much he loved it. Giving a toothy grin, he whipped his two hands on the front of his shorts before turning back to head inside, but not before casting a look over his shoulder.

There he saw someone. A few feet away from him.

At first, Jake had no idea what they were doing before walking closer. They were just. Sitting on the bench, in front of the beach. How odd.

“If you’re gonna stare, can you at least be less.. obvious with it?” The person asked, almost nonchalantly.

It was a girl.

Jake didn’t respond, fear of embarrassing himself further so he settled for walking closer to her before taking a seat beside her. So this was what she was doing, just looking at the waves. This late at night?

The young boy scratched behind his head with a small chuckle, “Sorry.. I didn’t think you would notice me,”

She casted him a side eye look before rolling her eyes.

“You’re not exactly quiet.”

And then she turned to stare back at the beach’s many waves. The stars glimmering in reflection with the water. It was beautiful, he couldn’t deny that.

He never bothered looking at where she was looking. But instead he decided to take her in. She was dressed in a white nightgown with a scruff at the end and at the ends of the sleeves, her hair wasn’t tied up or anything but fell behind her shoulders due to the wind, pointy nose, eyelashes casting a dim shadow on her the top of her cheeks which were a bit flushed due to the not too chilly breeze.

Jake might’ve been young but he wasn’t young enough to not know was beauty was when he saw it. And this might have been the prettiest girl he’s ever laid his eyes on. She might’ve been as beautiful as his mom.

“You really have a staring problem,” She told him, amusement evident in her voice.

“What!” Jake shook his head before scooting away from her, “What is that even supposed to mean!”

“Hmmm…” The still unknown girl tapped her chin lightly.

“It means you stare too much. My mom says that stuff will have you go blind.”

So this was how she wanted to play.

“Well, she’s wrong!”

He knew he hit a sensitive spot when the girl before him gaped lightly at what he said before huffing. He felt the panic dwell in and he was about to apologize before he heard her burst unto a fit of laughter.

“You should have seen the look on your face!”

Jake knew that day, that her laughter, that sound was his favorite melody of all time.

⋆

If anyone asked what you thought of Jake, the first thing that immediately came to your mind was — an oddball.

It didn’t add more to it when you both lived in the same neighborhood. Only two houses away from each other. To add more to it, your mom and his mom knew each other since they used to go to the same highschool together. They both suffered from the loss of their husbands, with yours dying before you were even born, which meant you had no idea who he was. So you lived off your mom’s words about him, the picture frames around the house and the photobooks your mom kept in a small box in the basement.

It was like your moms’ relationship drew you closer to Jake and now that you took a closer look at him, he wasn’t so bad and he wasn’t as irritating as the other boys in your class. The ones who said girls had cooties and girl disease. In fact, you took a hold of how Jake wanted or more so, looked forward to spending time with you any chance he got. He also came by a lot especially after school asking for you. You were pretty sure your mom held some kind of favoritism towards him because she never wasted a breath when it came to the boy with the brightest eyes you’ve ever seen. And before you knew it, you warmed up to him. It didn’t take long but it wasn’t fast either. You were a girl with a lot of things on your mind and frankly, you were just perfectly fine in your own world and peace. But Jake managed to add something to that. You had no idea what or how, but he did.

“Y/N look!”

You looked up from how absentmindedly you were coloring in a butterfly, when you saw Jake running towards you..

With a dog? On a leash?

You sat up with a slight gasp at the sight out of the creature and before you knew it, the dog hopped on you leaving gentle but happy licks all over your face.

“Layla, no!” Jake yelled sternly.

Holding up your arms, you tried blocking them away with a loud laugh before you settled for petting her. Not before pushing her away tho.

“Oh my,” The boy before you sighed in distress, a hand coming up to wipe the sweat off his forehead. “I’m so sorry about that Y/N. She’s still a puppy, so she’s full of energy,”

“Don’t apologize,” You shake your head before allowing Layla to take up the space on your lap for some more scritches.

“But I’m kinda mad, why didn’t you tell me you had a dog!”

“Umm…” Jake giggled sheepishly, “I actually just got her a few days ago. I was gonna tell you eventually..”

You gasped in mock offense before picking up a coloring pencil to throw at him.

“Hey!”

“You could’ve still have told me!”

“I was going to!”

Your bickering stopped by Layla jumping off your lap and running around the both of you in circles, indicating she wanted to play and have some energy spent. As if she hasn’t done that already.

“We we’re actually planning on going to the beach,”

Jake saw the way your eyes lit up and he couldn’t help the quick stutter his heart did. What was this feeling?

“Really? Can I join?”

“That was the plan, silly,”

Dusting off your lap from Layla’s jump earlier, you were about to stand up before two hands grabbed yours. Gently, they pulled you up to your feet and then gently let go. Almost as if knowing what was going on, Layla looked back and forth between the two young humans in front of her, before she barked to gather their attention.

“Oh! Uh, she’s getting impatient, we should go,” Jake quickly mumbled out before picking up his dog’s leash off the where he dropped it in the grass.

“Wait!” You looked back at your house before looking back at your friend.

And by then, Jake already knew what was stirring up your hesitation. He smiled at you reassuringly.

“I already told your mom. She said dinner will be done by the time you’re home.”

You could finally let out the breath you’ve been holding.

“Plus your mom loves me,” Jake quipped teasingly.

The young boy laughed at your eye roll and before you both knew it, you were both running, along with Layla down to the beach, with the dog before the both of you barking profusely with a hint of excitement. The whole afternoon was just you and Jake by each other’s side, with his dog running back and forth in the water. She even shook all of her water from her fur at both of you at some point to the point where you both were on the sand rolling around, both of your laughters mixing together that mingled in the sky above off you. It added more to the memories and you both knew you would be thinking about that day till the day you both grew old and wrinkly.

You knew that day, that you wouldn’t wanna spend days like these with anybody but with Jake.

⋆

Years went by, things blossomed and so did your bond with Jake.

It went from meeting him to that one random night on the beach, to you finding out you lived just barely away from each other, to you starting classes together properly after your mom’s job paid her enough for that to happened. You remember the sheer happiness when she told you that and how much that meant to younger you. You weren’t isolated by any means, in fact, your mom encouraged you to check the world for yourself. But you would rather have things done at your pace, so that’s what you did. Luckily she understood and you were beyond thankful.

You also noticed changes about Jake. At some point you and him were the same height, but ever since highschool hit, he’s grown like a head, almost two heads taller than you. He’s grown his fringes out, even at some point dyed it through the school years to the point where you had no idea how many times he did it. You remember one time dyeing it for him tho and that shit was a complete disaster and you wouldn’t have blamed him if he wanted to bald that way. You were still attached to the hip pretty much.

But something that has been coming back to biting you, was that you had no idea where you and Jake’s relationship were interlinked at. You were both seniors in highschool now and things were rocky. God forbid your younger self thought that growing older would result in you being able to talk about your feelings and emotions better, but no. You realized that wasn’t the case. There was definitely something holding you back. You just didn’t wanna come to terms with what it was. Running a hand through your head, you plopped down your bed, arms and legs spread out.

“Y/N?” You suddenly heard someone knock on your door before a head peeked in.

“Did you remember to take your medication?” She asked before stepping foot unto your room.

“Mom.. we already talked about this,”

“You can’t just keep pushing me away,” She insisted

You huffed before sitting, “Can’t we talk about this later please? I have to study for an upcoming exam. I promise I’ll take them later,”

“Y/N—“

“—Mom please..” You looked away from her, voice wavering, “Don’t make this harder than it already is.”

You heard her sigh, before footsteps and the sound of your door being closed.

Reaching out for your phone on your bedside, your first instinct was to text Jake. But you knew the sound of his voice was exactly what you needed right now. More than anything. Hovering your thumb over his Caller ID, you slowly started debating if this really was a good idea. Now that you think about it, you and Jake haven’t really talked much due to busy schedules, and you’ve also noticed him confiding comfort in a group of friends you’ve never talked to before, while you had a group of friends of your own.

You missed him. And it was eating you up from the inside.

“Fuck it,” You whispered before dialing his number.

The ringing was not a fit match for how quick your heart was beating, it was practically beating out of your chest and you didn’t like it. Not one bit. But you couldn’t deny in how much need you were of his voice. It was almost embarrassing.

He still had no idea.

“Y/N?”

You smiled. After all this time, his voice was still your favorite tune.

“Hi Jake..”

“Y/N? Hey. Is everything okay?”

“Why do you always assume that something’s wrong?” You giggled and even tho you couldn’t see his face, you knew his face was definitely scrunched up in his one infamous frowns.

“Well, I’m sorry for caring I guess,”

“No you’re not,”

“You’re right, I’m not.”

The same old Jake.

“I miss you, y’know?” He finally spoke up, “I feel like I barely see you anymore.”

“I’m still here, Jake. Life has just.. been busy you know—“

“—Y/N, no,”

You heard some shuffling on the other side of the line, before a dejected sigh.

“It’s because I barely see you anymore. Even your friends are worried about you. You’re still at school, I know you are because I know you wouldn’t miss any of your classes no matter how busy or tired you are but you always disappear so quickly after..”

“Like is there something you aren’t telling me?”

You wanted to tell him.

You wanted to tell him so badly but you couldn’t bear the thought of seeing the look on his face when you did. He would be crushed and you wouldn’t be able to forgive yourself for that.

“Nothing is wrong. Everything is fine. Why wouldn’t they be?”

“Y/N—“

“No y’know what? I actually called you because I needed you and now you throw this on me—You and my mom are exactly the same. You both say the same shit and it’s pissing me off,” Not wasting a second thought, you hung up before throwing your phone on your bed, silent tears rolling down your face.

You went to sit on the bench by the beach the same day, after you heard your mom went to bed. Pulling up your knees closer to yourself, you were silently beating yourself up for not wearing something warmer. Though, you were eyeing your jacket, more or so Jake’s jacket that was hanging around your chair but decided not to take it at last minute.

Wrapping your arms around your knees, you took a look up at the night sky. The moon was seeking it’s place behind some dark clouds, the stars were doing their own things, the wind was getting colder. It was as if everything was going by slower? Or faster? You were not sure anymore but you knew it’s been an push and pull trick ever since that day.

Would it be too early to give up now?

“I knew I would find you here.”

“You can’t keep running away from us, from me, Y/N. I won’t let that happen,”

You turned your head, tears slowly starting to brim your eyes again. You didn’t want him to see you this way. Then there is a sudden pressure on your shoulders and by now you knew Jake has wrapped your upper body up in his jacket, with him now in his white sweatshirt and black plaid pajamas pants. He wasn’t expecting any response from you, in fact, he was just happy to be in your presence and not you running away nor pushing him away.

“I won’t force you to say anything,” He slowly sits down, the space beside you always available for him. There hasn’t been a day where it hasn’t been.

“But.. I hope you know you can talk—“

“I don’t have a lot of time, Jake,”

The first pen drop.

When you didn’t receive any response, you turned your head and hoped for the worst. Jake was still staring forward, towards the waves and how more far away they suddenly sounded.

“I only have two years left.”

That made him turn his head to look at you. The look in his eyes made your heart drop. In all these many years you’ve known Jake, you have never seen him look like this, so empty, so hollow of thoughts, so broken and if you weren’t such a mess yourself, you would have tried to pick up pieces back together. But what was it worth if you couldn’t even pick up your own? Staying alive at this point felt like a chore, a walk even down to the beach sometimes took all the air out of your lungs if you didn’t take your medications.

You managed to catch the tear you saw roll down his cheek with the soft pad of your thump. He gripped your wrist in his hand when he felt it about to retreat and held it up to his cheek, fearing you would disappear faster if he didn’t. Your warmth was all he needed now. Jake hated asking for too much but he wanted to be selfish for once, right now.

“I’m sorry,” You shook your head, feeling the tears roll again, “I should’ve told you. But this was what I was fearing for. Seeing your reaction, seeing the look on your face especially after—“

Feeling a warm gentle hand cupping your cheek, you felt your words get caught in your throat when you took in the way he looked at you now. There was still sadness lingering but you really couldn’t put a finger on what the rest was. But that didn’t really occur your mind. You just needed him to say something.

“Jake, please say something..” You begged, voice cracking, “Yell at me, scream at me, anything!”

You failed to see the way he moved closer.

“Especially for the way I’ve been treating you. That’s the least I deserve,” Pushing at his chest, you couldn’t help but let more tears roll, the place on your lap a sea of your own sorrows by that point

“Why are you looking at me like that, Jake please—“

Your hands faltered their pushing on his chest when you felt something soft yet wet on your lips. Closing your eyes which were still filled with tears, you pushed yourself closer and basked in the gentle kiss that belonged to him.

It was always him.

You knew it by now, you knew it ever since your first encounter on that one night at the beach, at the exact same place where you were at now.

⋆

A lot has changed, with how low your energy has gotten, you couldn’t bring yourself to attend to classes psychically anymore. And by what your personal doctor has said, any stress can trigger the most especially in the state you’re in right now and nobody, especially your mother wouldn’t ever wanna take that risk. So you settled for going to school but at home instead, in the walls of your room. Your routine has gotten progressively more straightforward than what it usually was. You were drained and the eye bags under your would tell anyone a story that you, yourself wouldn’t be able to, lips chapped and peeling. You could barely recognize the sight of yourself anymore.

Jake was walking around with a heavy heart. You were finally his but at what cost? These past weeks has just been him lingering by your side more and more each day to the point he might practically live at your place now. Frankly, he wasn’t doing better himself. He was beating himself up for making everything seem like your fault when nothing was ever your fault to begin it. The world was just too cruel to make space for someone as precious and as delicate as you, the world never deserved you. Jake can’t count the amount of times he’s managed to utter those words to you, while trailing his browns over your features, with your hands interlocked under the sea of stars and crescent moon. And he memorized your reaction to his words each time. You were really the most endearing piece of art to him.

He knew you were trying. You even told him you were so he wouldn’t worry too much, you would fe your ribs construct whenever you saw the way he was trying so hard to keep himself from breaking down when he felt the warmth from your hands, from your body slowly leave your body day by then. All that warmth that you usually provided, was all gone. All the warmth he would confide in whether it was after a stressful day after of classes, work or the insignificant days where he got unto an argument with his mother. He was seeking for your warmth everywhere he went.

Yet Jake held unto the last amount of warmth you had left. That was all he could do.

“Jake,” He heard his mother’s voice speak up before he felt her shake his shoulders, obviously trying to wake him from his afternoon nap.

“I’m up, I’m up,” Groaning he sat up and was met with his mom’s frantic pacing.

He gave her a confused look.

“Mom—?”

“It’s Y/N,” She breathed out, “Her mom just called from the at the hospital..”

“Apparently she had a seizure,”

That was then Jake felt his whole world collapse.

This couldn’t be..

“B-But how.. I.. She was okay when I saw her last day..” He felt his breath getting stuck along with his world. This couldn’t be. His mom didn’t say anything but instead pulled him unto his arms and that was where Jake allowed himself to break down fully. Without any care in the world. You were getting further and further away each day and he had no idea how to cope with it. He was angry, frustrated, why was he letting this happen? Why couldn’t he have done more? For you?

You deserved everything, but this.

⋆

“I will miss seeing the stars,”

Even with a light hoarse lilt to your voice, it still sounded soft and gentle in Jake’s ears. Like it always has. You were wearing a soft smile when looking at the stars from the hospital window, that never seemed to falter when you turned to look at him.

“I know you will, my love.”

Your smile faltered when you noticed that he was in deep in thoughts. He always we’re but this time it wasn’t out of sheer sadness and distress but more like.. he was bashful?

“Is something bothering you, my Jake?”

He didn’t respond but from the corner of your eyes, you saw him pull out a small black velvet box. You gasped.

“I know we’re still young and all but..” He says carefully, “But you’re probably the only person I’ve ever felt this sure with. This secure with and I honestly couldn’t have asked for someone better,”

Slowly opening the box, there was it. A ring. A silver ring littered with small diamonds on the sides, with the biggest one being shaped in a crystallized star. You looked up and you realized Jake hasn’t looked away from you once, trying his best to read your reaction and body language, making sure he hasn’t been overstepping anything.

“I know you hate asking for much, just like I do but..”

“Jake I..” You shake your head, eyes wide, “It’s beautiful..”

Taking out the ring from the box, he gently took your hand before slipping the ring on before bringing it up to seal it with a kiss to your knuckles.

“You don’t have to say anything.. I know that—“

“My Jake, of course I wanna marry you..”

⋆

Jake woke up startled to the someone knocking on his front door. Automatically he reached beside him but was met with nothing but the cold sheets.

Heaving another deep sigh from his chest, he slipped on slippers before walking downstairs, careful not to wake up his daughter. He was met with Layla who was pressing her snout against the door, curious herself, tail slightly wagging before letting out a small bark at the sight of her owner

“Hey girl,” He cooed with a scratch to the canine’s head, “Be quiet now, wouldn’t wanna wake anyone up would we?”

Honestly, Jake had no idea what he was expecting when opening the door but..

“Mrs. Y/N?”

“Hi son..” She muttered, “I hope you’re doing okay. Look, I-I don’t have much time but this morning I came across this while cleaning up in Y/N’s room and found this,”

The woman gave a careful smile and that was then he noticed a small envelope in her hand.

“I was about to open it but I think it was meant for you,”

Carefully taking the letter, he examined it before turning it around where he noticed something written in messy yet distinguished writing.

‘For him <3’

⋆

‘Dear you,

I don’t know what this letter will be when you receive it but I hope it lands safely in your hands.

Life hasn’t been easy and to be honest, I never expected it to be. You and I both know that. But what I do know is that you’ve made my life easier. I don’t know if that has do with the solace from your words or the stars from your eyes. But in me somewhere, I knew you changed my life for the better. I can’t think of a person who’s made me laugh and smile as much as you have, I think that itself alone is impossible if you ask me.

I hope you aren’t too hard on yourself. And if you are, a reminder that I never wanted you to be and neither does your mother and our daughter. I may not be here when you read this so please think about them when life gets hard and when you can feel yourself shift the blame on yourself for all the things that was never your fault to begin with. I didn’t ask for how my life turned out, neither did you. None of us did. Life just has some dwelling sometimes and at some point, they like to take it out on one of us.

It’s not fair. I know.

But I hope you can look up at the stars and see me.

I will always be here with you.

Your, Y/N L/N.’

taglist: @karinasbaby @nishions @hittoki @superbbananananana @mimizen127 @jjunie-0 @ghostiiess

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#icymi

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fariest · 23 days

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i ended up posting the jake oneshot instead because i was in angsty mood .. i swear the heeseung oneshot will be posted the following week MWAH i love u all ^3*

#kafka’s notes ( ᴗ͈ˬᴗ͈)ഒ #i can finally rest phew

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fariest · 23 days

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till forever falls apart 𑁍ࠬܓ jake sim

pairing: widower!jake x fem!reader

genre: LOTS of angst like a lot, childhood friends to lovers, hurt/comfort/no comfort, some fluff here and there, coming of age, bittersweet ending.

word count: 8k words (or more..)

Your favorite ones.

Peonies.

And the call ended with him saying nothing and her saying it wasn’t his fault. The exact same thing she said the last time he saw her those many months ago.

This was one of the moments where Jake allowed himself to smile, a small smile without feeling bad for doing so.

“Are you okay, young man?”

Jake was a bit taken aback but settled for a nod before eyeing the bouquet that the lady has managed to wrap up with obvious care.

It was like she saw right through him.

“I know what it’s like to lose someone.” She sadly smiled.

“These flowers,” She gestured to the Peonies, “They are for someone.. someone special, aren’t they?”

Gulping, Jake averted his eyes but still nodded.

“She was my everything,” He slowly forced out and he saw the lady perk up, “My childhood sweetheart, my best friend, my wife. And the mother to our daughter.”

The tears were already rolling down by then. Tears he’s been holding in all those months ever since.

“I miss her, ma’am.” Looking up with bloodshot eyes, the lady offered another sympathetic smile, before handling him a tissue.

There he saw someone. A few feet away from him.

At first, Jake had no idea what they were doing before walking closer. They were just. Sitting on the bench, in front of the beach. How odd.

“If you’re gonna stare, can you at least be less.. obvious with it?” The person asked, almost nonchalantly.

It was a girl.

The young boy scratched behind his head with a small chuckle, “Sorry.. I didn’t think you would notice me,”

She casted him a side eye look before rolling her eyes.

“You’re not exactly quiet.”

And then she turned to stare back at the beach’s many waves. The stars glimmering in reflection with the water. It was beautiful, he couldn’t deny that.

“You really have a staring problem,” She told him, amusement evident in her voice.

“What!” Jake shook his head before scooting away from her, “What is that even supposed to mean!”

“Hmmm…” The still unknown girl tapped her chin lightly.

“It means you stare too much. My mom says that stuff will have you go blind.”

So this was how she wanted to play.

“Well, she’s wrong!”

“You should have seen the look on your face!”

Jake knew that day, that her laughter, that sound was his favorite melody of all time.

⋆

If anyone asked what you thought of Jake, the first thing that immediately came to your mind was — an oddball.

“Y/N look!”

You looked up from how absentmindedly you were coloring in a butterfly, when you saw Jake running towards you..

With a dog? On a leash?

You sat up with a slight gasp at the sight out of the creature and before you knew it, the dog hopped on you leaving gentle but happy licks all over your face.

“Layla, no!” Jake yelled sternly.

Holding up your arms, you tried blocking them away with a loud laugh before you settled for petting her. Not before pushing her away tho.

“Oh my,” The boy before you sighed in distress, a hand coming up to wipe the sweat off his forehead. “I’m so sorry about that Y/N. She’s still a puppy, so she’s full of energy,”

“Don’t apologize,” You shake your head before allowing Layla to take up the space on your lap for some more scritches.

“But I’m kinda mad, why didn’t you tell me you had a dog!”

“Umm…” Jake giggled sheepishly, “I actually just got her a few days ago. I was gonna tell you eventually..”

You gasped in mock offense before picking up a coloring pencil to throw at him.

“Hey!”

“You could’ve still have told me!”

“I was going to!”

Your bickering stopped by Layla jumping off your lap and running around the both of you in circles, indicating she wanted to play and have some energy spent. As if she hasn’t done that already.

“We we’re actually planning on going to the beach,”

Jake saw the way your eyes lit up and he couldn’t help the quick stutter his heart did. What was this feeling?

“Really? Can I join?”

“That was the plan, silly,”

“Oh! Uh, she’s getting impatient, we should go,” Jake quickly mumbled out before picking up his dog’s leash off the where he dropped it in the grass.

“Wait!” You looked back at your house before looking back at your friend.

And by then, Jake already knew what was stirring up your hesitation. He smiled at you reassuringly.

“I already told your mom. She said dinner will be done by the time you’re home.”

You could finally let out the breath you’ve been holding.

“Plus your mom loves me,” Jake quipped teasingly.

You knew that day, that you wouldn’t wanna spend days like these with anybody but with Jake.

⋆

Years went by, things blossomed and so did your bond with Jake.

“Y/N?” You suddenly heard someone knock on your door before a head peeked in.

“Did you remember to take your medication?” She asked before stepping foot unto your room.

“Mom.. we already talked about this,”

“You can’t just keep pushing me away,” She insisted

You huffed before sitting, “Can’t we talk about this later please? I have to study for an upcoming exam. I promise I’ll take them later,”

“Y/N—“

“—Mom please..” You looked away from her, voice wavering, “Don’t make this harder than it already is.”

You heard her sigh, before footsteps and the sound of your door being closed.

You missed him. And it was eating you up from the inside.

“Fuck it,” You whispered before dialing his number.

He still had no idea.

“Y/N?”

You smiled. After all this time, his voice was still your favorite tune.

“Hi Jake..”

“Y/N? Hey. Is everything okay?”

“Why do you always assume that something’s wrong?” You giggled and even tho you couldn’t see his face, you knew his face was definitely scrunched up in his one infamous frowns.

“Well, I’m sorry for caring I guess,”

“No you’re not,”

“You’re right, I’m not.”

The same old Jake.

“I miss you, y’know?” He finally spoke up, “I feel like I barely see you anymore.”

“I’m still here, Jake. Life has just.. been busy you know—“

“—Y/N, no,”

You heard some shuffling on the other side of the line, before a dejected sigh.

“Like is there something you aren’t telling me?”

You wanted to tell him.

You wanted to tell him so badly but you couldn’t bear the thought of seeing the look on his face when you did. He would be crushed and you wouldn’t be able to forgive yourself for that.

“Nothing is wrong. Everything is fine. Why wouldn’t they be?”

“Y/N—“

Would it be too early to give up now?

“I knew I would find you here.”

“You can’t keep running away from us, from me, Y/N. I won’t let that happen,”

“I won’t force you to say anything,” He slowly sits down, the space beside you always available for him. There hasn’t been a day where it hasn’t been.

“But.. I hope you know you can talk—“

“I don’t have a lot of time, Jake,”

The first pen drop.

When you didn’t receive any response, you turned your head and hoped for the worst. Jake was still staring forward, towards the waves and how more far away they suddenly sounded.

“I only have two years left.”

“Jake, please say something..” You begged, voice cracking, “Yell at me, scream at me, anything!”

You failed to see the way he moved closer.

“Why are you looking at me like that, Jake please—“

It was always him.

You knew it by now, you knew it ever since your first encounter on that one night at the beach, at the exact same place where you were at now.

⋆

Yet Jake held unto the last amount of warmth you had left. That was all he could do.

“Jake,” He heard his mother’s voice speak up before he felt her shake his shoulders, obviously trying to wake him from his afternoon nap.

“I’m up, I’m up,” Groaning he sat up and was met with his mom’s frantic pacing.

He gave her a confused look.

“Mom—?”

“It’s Y/N,” She breathed out, “Her mom just called from the at the hospital..”

“Apparently she had a seizure,”

That was then Jake felt his whole world collapse.

This couldn’t be..

You deserved everything, but this.

⋆

“I will miss seeing the stars,”

“I know you will, my love.”

Your smile faltered when you noticed that he was in deep in thoughts. He always we’re but this time it wasn’t out of sheer sadness and distress but more like.. he was bashful?

“Is something bothering you, my Jake?”

He didn’t respond but from the corner of your eyes, you saw him pull out a small black velvet box. You gasped.

“I know you hate asking for much, just like I do but..”

“Jake I..” You shake your head, eyes wide, “It’s beautiful..”

Taking out the ring from the box, he gently took your hand before slipping the ring on before bringing it up to seal it with a kiss to your knuckles.

“You don’t have to say anything.. I know that—“

“My Jake, of course I wanna marry you..”

⋆

Jake woke up startled to the someone knocking on his front door. Automatically he reached beside him but was met with nothing but the cold sheets.

“Hey girl,” He cooed with a scratch to the canine’s head, “Be quiet now, wouldn’t wanna wake anyone up would we?”

Honestly, Jake had no idea what he was expecting when opening the door but..

“Mrs. Y/N?”

“Hi son..” She muttered, “I hope you’re doing okay. Look, I-I don’t have much time but this morning I came across this while cleaning up in Y/N’s room and found this,”

The woman gave a careful smile and that was then he noticed a small envelope in her hand.

“I was about to open it but I think it was meant for you,”

Carefully taking the letter, he examined it before turning it around where he noticed something written in messy yet distinguished writing.

‘For him <3’

⋆

‘Dear you,

I don’t know what this letter will be when you receive it but I hope it lands safely in your hands.

It’s not fair. I know.

But I hope you can look up at the stars and see me.

I will always be here with you.

Your, Y/N L/N.’

taglist: @karinasbaby @nishions @hittoki @superbbananananana @mimizen127 @jjunie-0 @ghostiiess

2024 © fariest, do not copy, modify or post my work to other sites

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fariest · 24 days

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moots as kpop idols?

hello my dearest anon :D !! i’m going to try to make this as short as possible and do the moots that i interact the most w :] i love all of them equally and im sending all of them so many hugs & kisses <3

@jaeyunluvr | haerin. it’s the kitty & pretty girl vibes❕

@pprodsuga | ningning. she’s my best friend and also my older sister and mother figure all in one.

@alvojake | haewon. funny & flirty girl vibes (ily and u always make me laugh so ilysm <3)

@enha-stars | mark. has never failed to make me lose a lung & make me feel so loved at the same time

@wvnkoi | mina. pretty girl & white swan vibes i always feel like snowflakes are surrounding me when i think about seol <3

@heelvsted | irene. the cool collected & calm vibes i get from rin r unmatched, black swan vibes ❕

@riftanswhore | keeho. one of the funniest & most caring ppl ik (ily sm ur so cute & relatable) (p.s it’s the bad bitch energy too)

@rkvriki | winter. she’s so kind & funny so yes ! minjeongie !

@ak4e7a | taeyong. another sweet older sister figure i’ve been blessed with, i always learn smth new w chelsea and i love it 🤲

@moon7jay | karina. again pretty & sweet sweet girl vibes & a lot of talent & lots of mature vibes so rina <3

@sjyluv | kazuha. white swan vibes pt 2 very sweet & pretty girl vibes as well i feel so safe whenever i interact w mimi <3

@sleepyhoon | sungchan. it’s the cool & hilarious girl vibes i get 🙏🏼

@fariest | soobin. i always get funny & cutie vibes from kafka so yes soobin whom i adore (ily kafka)

@fakeuwus | mother jihyo for thee mother figure in my life. ilysm nic ur amazing

@lheebra | chaewon. sweet kind & cool girl vibes that i adore so !!

@sparklovespink | wonyoung. pretty girl vibes all over and u love pink & radiate glitter as well so yes ! wonyoung <3

@hoondrop | sunghoon. no one radiates as much calm girl & hoon vibes as much as moon does ❕ (ily and ur very cute :3)

my dear mooties i’m sending u all so much love pls accept my flowers & my heart u all r very dear to me ok bye ily ♡

#it’s loving stella hours im so serious #i love u <3 #ur the sweetest MWAH #kafka’s moots :3

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fariest · 24 days

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if you wanna be tagged, feel free to reply under this post or send in an ask! both oneshots will be long (5k words or more) and i will be posting both of them eventually 😭 i just have trouble deciding which one first … help a girl out i beg

#oh em gee 👀#make sure to vote!#icymi

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fariest · 24 days

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𖧷 HEARTSHAKER — LHS

⌕ lee heeseung doesn't know what he wants from his rival, better marks or a kiss

pairing. student!lee heeseung x student!fem! reader wc. 1.4k tw/cw. jealousy, kissing genre. academic rivals to lovers, fluff, highschool au sru's note. requested for my nini love ♡ shitty title ik but i hope ya'll like cuz i dont T0T ( CATALOGUE?! )

¤ feedbacks and reblogs are always appreciated! PLS REBLOG ♡

96 out of 100.

thanks to the almighty above that lee heeseung is tired, the basketball jersey stuck to his back, sweat covering his face and colouring the red fabric darker as he pants for his breath, or else the test paper in his hands would have been crumpled and ripped to shreds.

not because of his number obviously.

“99, i knew i rocked this paper!”, a dulcet, familiar voice floats up to heeseung's ear from behind him, followed by a mean eye roll from him and his stance still. heeseung doesn't bother to turn around, not when he recognizes the infuriating feminine voice and already visualises the usual dark brown braids hanging by the either sides of her face, school tie too tight and almost reaching the last button of the shirt.

“why the long face?”, jake's interruption breaks heeseung out of his trance, as he takes the much unwanted seat beside him, “96 not enough for ‘ya?”

“oh shut up”, heeseung returns jake’s scoff slamming down his physics answer sheet against the wooden table. both heeseung and jake know it's not enough, whether it's a 96 or a 99 ’cause,

“it's never enough unless i cross y/n’s marks”, heeseung sighs, the answer sheet dampening under the pressure of his sweaty hands, as his forehead became the victim of the other.

everyone in the class is aware of the cutthroat competition and abhorrence between the two brunettes, already expecting the usual bickering episode between the two whenever it was time for exam results, and even if by chance someone got the same results as any one of them, they'd do their best and not bother the two.

but today is different, today heeseung doesn't find his usual energy to bicker with the braided girl sitting at the back of the class, not when she managed to beat him thrice in a row at his own game!

“last time it was a marks’ difference and now three? how is this even possible?”, heeseung groans while flipping the sheets over and over as if something magical would happen and increase his numbers.

“i heard park sunghoon's been studying chemistry with her,” jake sighs, pushing his fingers through his dark hair as he turns his head to the side, but his eyes steal a glance at heeseung, and he smirks, “‘ya know, the chemistry toppe—”

“yeah yeah i got you jake, i know who he is”, heeseung presses the bridge of his nose a bit too hard, the familiar face of the boy floating up to his vision, though he can't remember where his loved moles are on him. oh how all the girls are head over heels for park sunghoon.

is y/n one of them too? he could swear they're hanging out too much.

stupid thought, stupid stupid thought. heeseung winces at his sudden curiosity, why is giving this matter so much thought? he doesn't like y/n anyway, he doesn't like her bickering, he doesn't like her annoying attitude, he doesn't like her hair, he doesn't like her scent and he definitely doesn't like her smile. so lee heeseung shouldn't really get his head messed up in this.

the school bell rings, bringing out new tedious groans and sighs from the students as they dawdle to their next classes.

“i think she's coming here—”

“don't you have a physics class to be at, jake?”

“yeah yeah shoo me away all you want to”, jake scoffs, a smirk playing at his lips when he slings a bag on his shoulder before leaving the class, “bet you can't shoo away her.”

and before heeseung even knew it the class was empty, except him and as empty, dispersed out in the crowded hallways to their next classes. that is unless the previous dulcet but annoying voice came closer to heeseung.

“heeseung!”, you chirp, approaching him from behind, “how was your paper?”

“ugh what do you—”, heeseung's anger dies down when he turns around to face you, your hair's not done into braids today, instead it's let open with your tie loose this time, a few drops of sweat sticking to your forehead, dance practice maybe? “—w-want?”

“your marks of course,” you giggle at his stutter, taking a seat beside him, “wanna make sure if i beat you or nah.”

“yeah you did, but not on your own huh?”, heeseung scoffs, looking down at you. he realises his heart skips a beat when you tilt your head to the side, holding eye contact.

not good.

“huh? what do you mean heeseung?”, you pout, acting ever so confused by his accusation, “not on my own?”

“oh come on, the whole class knows it now”, heeseung rolls his eyes, “park sunghoon, rings any bell?”

“oh hoon?”, you grin, covering your mouth and suppressing a small giggle, “he did help me a lot with chemistry, he's so sweet!”

heeseung doesn't realise his face is getting hotter and redder by the minute, both by your presence and the pronunciation of somebody else's name. he has a nickname already? hoon? no way, you have only ever interacted with him, whether it was bickering or asking for notes or silently sitting beside each other. so how did this other guy pop up?

“hoon,” heeseung mumbles his nickname, his eyes searching for something in yours and he doesn't even notice he's sounding jealous, “how are you guys so close already…”

“well he's been tutoring me chemistry for a month now—”

“a month?!”, heeseung's brows lift up and his jaw hangs open.

heeseung doesn't know if he likes your new look, the way the curls of your hair rests on your shoulders, the way your tie is loose from your neck and the way your head tilts to look at his, heeseung's heart skips a beat and it knows something is wrong.

“why? is something—” your lips fall apart, a soft blush takes place on your cheeks and you giggle again, in a teasing tone you nudge heeseung's arm, “aww are you jealous?”

“what? don't be ridiculous now.”

“heeseung is jealous, you are jealous, you are jealous j-e-a-l-o-u-s”, you continue this song, nudging heeseung and teasing him more and more, causing his cheeks to heat up, eyes turning back to the open window and then back to yours.

“shut up y/n, you're not funny”, he scowls, the soft breeze enters the empty classrooms and hits the both of you like a refreshing wave.

and in that moment, through your teasing manner, the empty classroom, the echoes of your laughter and the soft breeze caressing your hair, your long dark hair that matched his and the way his heart skipped a beat, the way his heart always skipped a beat while you were around, he realises it's something good.

“if you shut up now i swear y/n”, heeseung tried and kept his best ‘angry at you’ acting.

“oh really? then why don't you make me?”, a soft chuckle leaves your lips and you squint your eyes.

it happens all so fast, heeseungs soft lips on yours, falling right into place. it tickles you a bit like feathers and pulls you in, until you realise that's his hand snaking around your waist. the kiss was delicate, caring and brought so much warmth from a person you only argued with.

you gasp for air, first one to pull back.

you meet his eyes, scurrying through yours and cheeks all red, probably embarrassed of what he did. the kiss quickly coloured your cheeks, a shy smile playing around your lips and a small glint in your eyes.

“i-i don't know what i did—”

“its okay heeseung”, you shush a nervous heeseung, the proximity increasing the pace of your hearts, “do you like me?”

“i love you”, heeseung answers almost instantly, “i love everything about you.”

“me too”, heeseung is the most relieved as he hears this, that hoon guy got nothing on him now. he's the winner.

“so, are we gonna date then?”, he chuckles.

you nod, “let's surprise the class together!”

lee heeseung doesn't know what he wanted when he got his answer sheets. better marks than y/n, a bickering episode with her, or maybe her to fall in love with her? he doesn't know.

a smirk falls upon his lips and he pulls you closer by your waist. he looked ever so magical and beautiful up close, that you wish the bickering had died down earlier.

“whatever you say, pretty girl”, he leans in for a second kiss, indulging himself more into you, he swears his heart will beat out of the chest as soon as his free hand makes contact with your dark strands of hair.

outside the class stands a grinning jake with a bored sunghoon, and a quite high five is shared between the two, carefully peeking inside.

(📌) :: TAGLIST IS OPEN! @euncsace @ii-nu @leaderwon @dimplewonie @yrhome @heartswonn @jwonistic @aaa-sia @ashtxrie @kgneptun @lilacnini @haechansbbg @river-demon-slayer @in-somnias-world @teddywonss @variety-is-the-joy-of-life @mylstserenade @branchrkive @aishigrey @nctislifue @greyminyoon1 @ro-diaries @rikibun @sleepyxxhead @belowbun nets! @/k-labels

#AHHHH #I LOVE LOVE LOVE #i need heeseung saying pretty girl tattooed on my forehead #ur writing it TOP TIER #<3 <3 <3 #kafka’s recommendation <3

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fariest · 24 days

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if you wanna be tagged, feel free to reply under this post or send in an ask!

both oneshots will be long (5k words or more) and i will be posting both of them eventually 😭 i just have trouble deciding which one first … help a girl out i beg

#kafka’s notes ( ᴗ͈ˬᴗ͈)ഒ #enhypen x reader #enhypen x you #enhypen #enhypen angst #enhypen fluff #enhypen imagines #enhypen social media au #enhypen smau #enhypen texts #jake sim x reader #jake x reader #lee heeseung #lee heesung x reader #heeseung x reader #jake sim #heeseung

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fariest · 25 days

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KISMET ꒰ა ♡ ໒꒱ JAKE SIM

ཐི pairing: 심재윤 (jake sim) x fem!reader. ft enhypen hyung line, sohyun from triple s, isa from stayc, eunseok from riize and wonwoo from seventeen

ཐི genre: university / school!au, strangers to friends to lovers, fluff, crack, a hint of angst if you look closely enough!

ཐི warnings: loss and parental death, kys/kms jokes, depression and some heavy topics, etc.

ཐི synopsis: grieving from the sudden and tragic loss of your parents, you’ve been forced to fend yourself until one day you bump unto a lady that you happened to have seen at your parents’ funeral. she brings you in, treats you as one of her own. having no idea she’s the local chairwoman of a prestigious school academy, she signs you in as one of her students but in return you’ve made a promise to work at the local daycare center which embraces the kids of the teachers who works at the academy. all of that comes along a whole bundle of chaos.

ཐི status: ongoing

ཐི taglist: open! (comment on this post or send in a ask) @seunghancore @hoondiors @rikibun

profiles.

ཐི EUNSEOK HATERS 💪🏼💪🏼 / the beliebers / privates

i. bucket lists are overrated anyways

ii. ?????

iii. ????

iiii. ???

…

a/n: hi! this is my first social media au so please bear with me ദ്ദി ꒦ິ꒳꒦ິ )✧ this smau is heavily inspired by the anime school babysitters, definitely would recommend. also my first smau had to be a jake one because i’m literally his wife in case u didn’t know btw

#currently working on chapter 1 :3 #icymi

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fariest · 25 days

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JAKE SIM BF TEXTS (1) (2) |

bf!jake x f!reader

warnings → cussing, suggestive photo/language

genre → fluff, smut

#got me giggling and shit #kafka’s recommendation <3

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fariest · 25 days

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synopsis. college student and daily bugle intern jake sim does his best to juggle having two separate lives. unfortunately y/n, who also interns at the daily bugle, is obsessed with finding out who the popular vigilante ‘spider-man’ is. with their constant close proximity and jake’s new found crush, y/n is closer to figuring out his secret identity by the day.

pairing. spider-man!jake sim x fem!reader

genre. non idol au, university au, spiderman au, fluff, angst, friends to lovers

warnings. violence, cursing, suggestive jokes, attempt at humor

featuring. sunoo [enhypen], heeseung [enhypen], jungwon [enhypen], moka [illit], wonyoung [ive]

asked to be added to the taglist!!

spider-man’s fan club the powerpuff girls

masterlist <3

one.

#EEEEEE #kafka’s recommendation <3

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fariest · 26 days

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10 THINGS I HATE ABOUT YOU

in which...

you hate heeseung. you hate his snobby little voice, his stupid little glasses that are too big for him, his nosiness, and his ability to prove anything or anyone wrong easily. you hate hate hate the way you try to avoid him, but somehow he’s always around, and he can’t see how much you hate him. you swear nothing could make you like him, but after you get caught in a sticky situation with him playing your knight in shining armor, you realize that maybe he isn’t so bad after all.

pairing — heeseung x fem!reader

genre — one sided enemies to lovers, highschool au, he falls first she falls harder, oblivious x obvious, tutor x tutoree (kind of), childhood friends (ish because the whole one sided enemies thing) to lovers, long fic

wordcount — 19.7k (oops!)

warnings — profanity, kissing, miscommunication, parties/underage drinking, reader gets called and calls someone a bitch, food, violence (but literally just one slap and reader thinks about it but doesn't), yn is kind of the problem LMFAO, mentions of vomiting but no actual vomitting.

featuring — lia of itzy, miyeon of g-idle, hyung line of enhypen (sorry maknaes too many people), ocs : sooyun + teachers

disclaimer — i am not saying this is an accurate representation of these idols or trying to sexualize them at all. this is just something i do for fun.

yenqa — wow okay. ive been working on this since literally january 1st. i cant believe i actually finished this 😭 but if you’re reading (or about to) thank you! and i hope you enjoy months of my hard work <3

YOU WATCH AS THE SNOW FALLS SLOWLY TO THE GROUND

A blanket of white has got you and the guests at your house locked in for the night. You weren’t very happy with these strangers staying at your house for the night—In fact, you had just been completely shut down by your dad when you asked him to kick them out. It was obvious why he did that, but this definitely had to be your least favorite christmas out of the eight you had been through.

You snap out of your thoughts, continuing to eat whatever you had left on your plate, hesitating when you saw the amount of vegetables still left.

“Mom! I’m full.” You try to hide your plate from her, showing her instead a pout with a hand on your stomach.

It didn’t work—obviously, so you were stuck at the table, a frown on your face as you forced in the greens. Across from you, a boy your age, who didn’t seem to mind, he almost looked like he was enjoying it.

That’s impossible though, no one likes vegetables. Maybe he was doing it so Santa would get him an extra special gift?

You grumble when he finishes his place, showcasing his plate that had been licked clean to his mom. He stared at you for a second looking down at your—full plate then looking back at his mom, she said “Great job Heeseung!”. He returns his plate to the table with a smile.

Stabbing your fork back into your food, you stuff it into your face, hoping that you would enjoy it as much as Heeseung did. Again, it didn’t work, and the bitter taste returned to your mouth.

After what felt like hours of groaning and complaining, you had taken the last bite of your food, a proud smirk on your face when you made eye contact with the boy from earlier, who only smiled at you in return.

Throwing away your plastic plate, you realized that now it was present time, and Santa just had to reward you for your good deeds.

Rushing over to the tree, you spot everyone gathered around the area, opening their presents. You run to your present, recognizing the wrapping paper from last year. Looking at your mom for approval, she nods and you tear apart the paper, lifting up the box inside.

You squeal when you see the picture, you had been begging your mom for weeks for a Lego set, specifically if it was minecraft themed. And Santa had gotten you just that. You hug the box, squeezing it. You exclaim a loud “Thank you Santa!” before running up to your room to assemble the build.

Reading the directions, you start the house, quickly getting confused on how it isn’t looking like how it does in the picture.

“I think that’s the wrong piece.” A voice says, you whip your head around to see the same boy who sat across from you.

“Who are you?” Your eyebrows furrow at the sight, confused on why those were the first words he said instead of “Hi!” or something.

“My name’s Heeseung—Um, my mom told me to come upstairs and said we should be friends. Do you want to be friends?” He chuckles awkwardly.

You huff, “I’m Y/n. Also no, I don’t want to be friends, you’re mean.” You force your legos together, frustrated already with the pieces. You continue to reread the directions, pushing—what you think are—the exact legos to the board. But it doesn’t seem like it’ll fit. Maybe if you push it harder?

“Oh—okay.” You jump slightly, too focused to realize how he's been watching you for the past few minutes. “Do you need some help?”

Yes, you need help. But did you want to accept his help? This was your christmas gift from Santa, you shouldn’t have to share.

Glancing at the picture then to the building that had looked like an abstract rendition of it, you let out a sigh. I mean, it wouldn’t hurt, right? “Yeah, I guess.”

He takes a seat on the carpet next to you, focusing hard on the directions before breaking off the wrong pieces, reassembling it so you’ll be on the right track.

“Does this go here, do you think?” “No, it goes here.” That was a summary of what the conversation was between you, and somehow you were always the one asking the question. Sighing, you lean back, taking a short stretch break before starting again.

You’re shocked at his speed and efficiency, it almost seems like he’s always a step ahead of you. Geez does this guy ever slow down?

The roles are quickly switched as you are sitting watching him instead. Rummaging through each box only for his eyes to lighten up one he finds the right one. You watch him for a while, getting a break that you very much needed.

You hope that he waits for you to finish it, or that he doesn’t completely do it all by himself because again, it’s your Christmas gift, and he wouldn’t do that, right?

Not right, because apparently he’s a machine—he finishes the build. He stands up, pushes his stupid glasses up also and smiles at you, heading to the door. You think he’s going to say something else like “Sorry for taking away your present!” instead, he thanks you for sharing and happily skipping away.

Heeseung. Even his name infuriates you. He was very unpredictable and you hated that. Why did he just do that? He’s so rude. People don’t make sense—especially boys, they have cooties.

Your head was filled with calling him the rudest things you could think of—You even said a few curse words.

Though later you realized that you probably would never see him again, you were ecstatic, so ecstatic you had disassembled your legos just to rebuild it, to completely forget about your bad experience with the boy.

Only two weeks later were you disappointed to see that same boy, sitting across from you during dinner once again.

THE HIGHLIGHT OF THE DAY WAS THE PEN LIA FOUND ON THE GROUND.

It was a bright magenta color, topped with a donut at the very top. She showcased it proudly to you both, then happily tucking it into her pocket.

“I need a new pen, I keep losing mine! I think I’ve blown off so much money buying new school supplies” Miyeon sighed, tucking her hair back behind her ear.

“That must suck considering you didn’t just find the cutest pen ever!” She shoves the pen in Miyeon’s face, spinning it around boastfully.

“Well that magenta color is ugly!” Miyeon snaps, and they start bickering over if the pen is cute or not.

Not this again. Every morning they have some kind of debate, whether it’s whose outfit is cuter to who does Mr. Park (their astrology teacher) like more.

Though, no side ever ends up winning since they are quickly distracted by the loud ringing sound blaring through the speakers.

It’s like a ritual at this point, a staple to your morning routine—which also felt like a staple to your head because god were they loud.

Sometimes, you forget they even are friends until the bell rings, always happily skipping off to their class hand in hand. Which happens every time but no one seems to comment on it.

“Y/n, is this pen cute or not?”

You did not want to engage in this conversation at all, in fact you think a staple in the head would be nicer. But the ones above decided to look away from you, leaving you stuck in between their quarrel.

“Well I think-”

You’re quickly cut off—Thank god you’re cut off—by the bell. Quickly, you wave your goodbyes and start walking to the other side of the school to your first period. Step after step you walk past each classroom, looking in to see if you know anybody in each—

“Hey Y/n!”

You whip your head back to see Heeseung’s snobby little face. You hadn’t actually talked to the guy in months considering you two have such close connections. He was wearing a black hoodie and some baggy jeans, his glasses layed low on his nose, leaving you wonder how he can even see if they were that low. He looked horrible.

Okay maybe it wasn’t that bad.

Rolling your eyes, you ask, “What do you want?”

“Your mom said you needed some help in physics? If you needed help you could’ve just asked y’know.” He shrugs, keeping up with your pace even though you’re doing everything you can to leave him behind. Fuck those long legs.

“Leave me the fuck alone Heeseung, I don’t want your help.”

“Are you sure? I’d be happy to help-”

You put your hand up, stopping him right in front of the classroom, “No, I don’t need your help Heeseung, I’m fine on my own.”

Turning your head to his, you give him the nastiest glare you could muster, then walking to your seat—which was right next to his but you’ll think about the details later.

Sometimes you wished you could take three seconds before saying things because you definitely needed the help, you both knew it.

Anyone who had eyes could see that you were visibly struggling every time any physics related object was placed in front of you. The quiet room was often filled with your sighs and the loud erasing of your pencil, sometimes inducing a chuckle or two that would always end in a dirty look from you.

The bell rings soon afterwards and Ms. Nam never misses a beat to start taking attendance, which makes it impossible to ever be tardy without her noticing.

Though it doesn’t seem to work as well as she thinks it does, people who don’t care about their attendance, don’t show up anyways.

She never misses a beat either, she takes a sip from her mug then jumps up to teach, what you would do to see her falter just once–

“No spacing out in my classroom! Eyes up here everyone!” She makes eye contact with you–or the person in front of you, you couldn’t really tell, clicks her tongue, then continues reading. You groan internally, moving your eyes to zone out right on the board.

There seems like no end to her endless amount of explaining directions (which are on the board and everyone can read) and yelling at people who are talking–until there finally is.

After what felt like the whole class period she points to the table up front not being able to stop explaining why she does everything she does, including making it a big deal that the desk up front is where the worksheet is, and to not ask her where it is or where to turn it in.

She shuts up–finally, and the class gets up to the front of the class, taking worksheets for themself.

You’re about to get up when the crowd around the paper dies down when Lee Heeseung stops in front of you, saying he grabbed an extra one by accident and hands it to you.

He did not get an extra one on accident.

He just wanted to get your attention.

A simple plan, and completely foolproof– a win-win situation really. He gets to have your attention for an extra second, and you get your paper without having to walk up.

He pats himself on the back internally, before plopping down on his seat, right next to yours.

“Thank you?” You mutter, giving him a confused look.

He chuckles, shaking his head before looking down on his work.

Heeseung ignores the dirty look you give him–even though he’s not sure why you hate him so much, he ignores that too. Pretending in the little movie in his mind that you really really like him.

Scanning the worksheet, he rolls his eyes, not a single inch of his body wants to do this useless assignment but he forces himself anyways, internally groaning at every question.

Finishing the first three he moves onto the last question on that side of the page, he looks up at the clock, noticing that only ten minutes had passed.

He then lowers his eyes to your hunched over picture, glancing at the paper below you to only see a sentence written on the first question.

I don’t know?????

He watches as you giggle at your own antics. Letting out a breathy laugh himself while you hurriedly erase it and look around to see how much progress other people made.

Your eyes soon turn to his, locking eyes with him before giving him side eye-ing while looking away. Seems like Heeseung was on a roll today with your nasty looks, because that was his second today!

“Hey do you want some help?” He asks, and if he could slap his hand over his mouth–and maybe choke himself in the process if he wouldn’t look like a total weirdo to stop himself from saying that–He would. Though the words came out before he could even process that he wanted to help you, he tries to look the most genuine he can–just so you don’t get the wrong idea.

Sighing you look at him, mumbling, “No.”

He reads the question you’re on anyways. He can feel his heart start to race. His stomach tingles as he scoots his chair closer to yours, rereading the question at the top of the page.

“The mass is 32 grams and the velocity is 3 miles per hour. Do you know the formula for finding the amount of kinetic energy?”

“Umm– that’s why I’m still on the first question.” Oh lord.

He blinks once, then continues, “Oh! Sorry! Okay, so you would multiply the mass by ½ and then multiply that by the velocity squared. It’s simple math really.”

You stare at him through the corner of your eye, and Heeseung notices.

“I mean, that’s like middle school math. I’d be a little worried if you were struggling with a 12-year-olds problems-”

“Okay, that’s enough!”

His mouth is immediately zipped shut as he watches you do the math on your page, staring as your hands move delicately to write every number carefully. “It’s 144, right?”

“Yeah.”

“Okay–I don’t want your help, Heeseung.”

He raises an eyebrow, “Are you sure? I’m fine with helping you with the whole thing.”

You almost scoff, “I’m fine! Thank you so much for asking.” You turn your head away from his, gluing your eyes to the worksheet.

Met with the paper once again you’re in the same position you were five minutes ago, you had forgotten half–if not all these vocabulary words and didn’t understand a single thing he had said.

So you continued to zone out on the paper, rethinking every single life choice you had made up until this point of your life.

Maybe if you hadn’t worn that blue sweater last week–

“Y/n! How’s the worksheet going?” You whip your head to the sound, to see Ms. Nam’s smiley face–exactly like a robot. You’re convinced that you could write an essay on how she’s definitely not real, how she’s an alien or some artificial intelligence trying to fit in with other humans by becoming a teacher, it’ll surely be better than any other essay you’ve written–And maybe it could be your college essay.

You blink twice before completely processing her implements, looking down at your paper you subtly try to cover it in shame, trying to charm her with a small smile. “Great! I’m doing so great!”

She laughs wholeheartedly even though it wasn’t that funny. Finally she stops, looks down on your paper and silently judges all your silly doodles around the border.

Clicking her tongue–you hate it when she does that– Ms. Nam smiles, “If you need any help, you can just ask me Y/n.”

“Okay, thank you.” You don’t want her help at all, you think that Lee Heeseung would be a better company than her.

“Or you could ask your classmates!” She exclaims, acting like she discovered dinosaurs or something, “Your seatmate, Heeseung is very gifted in this subject! He’ll be very helpful if you need it!”

Okay maybe the offer for her help sounded pretty good right now. You look over to him to see a shy smile on his face, your eyebrows furrow at his innocent expression. You wish you could punch that stupid–

YOU THINK YOU’LL DIE TOMORROW IF ANYTHING ELSE GOES BAD FOR YOU.

It almost felt like the universe was plotting against you—okay maybe a bit dramatic but who could blame you? Your mom just told you the Lee’s were coming over for dinner.

“On a Tuesday? Any specific reason?”

Your mom chuckles, “I just wanted to see them honey, they’re family friends after all. And they haven’t come over for a while.”

“Didn’t they come over two weeks ago?”

“Last month, that’s a long time compared to someone who sees their friends everyday!” Your mom shrugs, cutting some green onions.

You resist the urge to roll your eyes. Sighing, you mentally raise a white flag, telling your mom that you were heading up to your room.

Letting out a sigh of relief you drop your backpack on the ground, staring at your room for a little bit too tired to decide what to do next. But, you pull yourself together, plugging in your phone and deciding if your outfit was good enough for guests to see.

Shrugging at your reflection, you move to sit down by your desk, starting on your assignments that you hadn’t finished because you were too busy messing around with your friends.

After finishing one assignment, you check your phone for messages, or just to cure your boredom. It was always a huge mistake on your part, but old habits die hard, right?

Wasting an hour just messing around on your phone, you begrudgingly put it back down, starting on some reading in the fat textbook laid ahead of you.

It seems like angels singing from heaven when your mom calls you down for dinner, because you’re sick of all these big words blending together in the textbook.

You're halfway down the stairs before realizing that the bane of your existence will be there. The lightened mood you once had now dropping leaving you wishing you could crawl back into your desk chair and pretend you hadn’t heard anything.

It was a shame that you were starving, so there was no excuse for you not to eat dinner with them. Mentally preparing yourself you walk down the few steps left, almost immediately being greeted by your Heeseung’s mom.

You're surprised to see no Heeseung in sight, just his smiley parents who are always happy to see you. You look around once more before asking “Where’s Heeseung, Auntie Lee?”

You don’t care, of course. But you can’t say you weren’t happy that his seat was left cold and untouched.

“He’s at the library, tutoring other students! ‘Said he wouldn't make it to dinner but he’ll be here later Y/n sweetie, don’t worry about him.”

Smiling, you nod acting like you give a fuck about him before taking your seat next to his empty one.

The dinner is going fine. Dining with people who are triple your age and too proper to be comfortable with isn’t really your favorite thing to do but it’s much better than having to do the same with the chair next to you being used.

Feeling optimistic you happily chow down the food your mother has served, relishing in the satisfying dish.

“So, Y/n how’s school?” Heeseung’s dad stares you down. It’s a very typical parent question they usually ask you to include you in somehow. You always have the same answer every time.

You put on a smile for him, “It’s good! Just a little homework here and there. The same old usual.” You’re careful not to ask about his work, not wanting to hear his whole dinner rant about how his coworkers or his boss is annoying the crap out of him. Instead you ask, “Have you been golfing recently?”

His eyes lighten and you know you asked the right question. “Just Sunday I went! I dragged Heeseung with me because everyone was busy” Letting out a hearty laugh, he continued. “He’s great at everything he does! He could be a professional if I pushed him harder!”

Chuckling to hide your hatred for his boy, you answer, “Better late than never, right Uncle Lee?”

“Yes! Exactly Y/n! Anyways–”

He’s cut off by the doorbell and everybody stares at your mom in confusion. You stand up letting everyone know to continue eating without you as you walk to the front door. Unlocking it, you stare up slightly to see Heeseung’s awkward smile.

“Thought you weren’t supposed to make it to dinner?” You squint at him, moving to the side to let him in, watching as he takes his shoes off.

He chuckles, “Did you miss me or something?”

“Are you stupid?”

His smile falls slightly, so slightly you’d miss it if you weren’t glaring at him so hard.

“They canceled, some family issues came up.”

“Why’d you come so late then?”

“Told me thirty minutes after it started, I knew you missed me.” Nudging you with his elbow he waits for you to start walking to the dining table.

You push him to the wall.

Then you start walking to the dinner table.

Walking until they spot you, you notice everyone's smile and kind greetings as he shyly waves to your parents. Seems like the mood is lighter now that he’s here, but your mood definitely lowers. He sits at his usual spot and you sit in your old spot. Right across from each other.

It’s crazy to you how much he can change from in front of you and your parents. He acts like he’s the most humble but smartest man alive and he’s yet to find out. He’s kind to you too, no teasing remarks, just smiles in your direction. You don’t smile back, moving your gaze elsewhere. It’s a shame, he is smart, but humble? You could definitely tick off a few points for him.

You don’t act differently, other than obviously not bickering with Heeseung in front of his parents. You’re tolerating him, it’s the most kindness you could give him after all.

Heeseung isn’t humble, if you could describe him in a word it would be weird. Heeseung is weird.

The aftermath of dinner was a huge bang.

It would be if you decided to slam the textbook into your head–which seemed like a pretty good option.

This time though, you were not being dramatic, because when you finished dinner you excused yourself to your room. Finishing your reading and the questions.

Unfortunately, you only had your physics homework left. And obviously physics is the best subject to exist. Ever.

It was so awesome that it had you staring into the textbook. Trying to process what the hell they were talking about in the text.

Rereading and rereading again and again, makes you wonder why you even try. Because it seems the only words you understood were the determiners that connected each intricate word.

Sighing, you close your book, leaning back in your desk chair. Closing your eyes you let yourself take a minute break.

It’s silent in your room, letting you focus on the small background noise of your parents conversing, probably talking about work, or you. Usually it’s you.

You didn’t mind though, if they talked bad it wasn’t in front of your face at least.

“Want any help? I dabble.”

You let out a scream, feeling your heart race as his unexpected entrance to your room.

Letting your face contort into a disgusted look you retort, “Jeez, no knock or anything? It’s like you’re out to kill me, Heeseung.”

“I think it’s the other way around, plus you know how good I am, I literally helped you in physics today.”

“No, I don’t want your help. Also “dabble”? Don’t act like you’re an eighty year old man.”

He laughs, raising his arms in surrender before taking a seat on your carpet floor.

You almost feel bad for the man, your nice, cozy bed is sitting right next to him but he sits on the floor. Which you definitely haven’t vacuumed for a while.

Turning back to your textbook you mutter, “You can sit on my bed, just sit on top of the blanket.”

A smile spreads through his face as he plops down onto your blanket, careful not to touch the mattress or any of your pillows. You nod in thanks for not getting his dirty outside clothes on your clean bed.

You’re not sure if he notices or not but he doesn’t say anything so you decide to leave it at that.

Refocusing on the textbook, you reread the words for at least the third time, flipping to the vocabulary page for each word you don’t understand–which was most of them so it must’ve been a funny sight watching your head go between two pages repeatedly.

You start to lose hope quickly, you read the question on your packet then reread the whole page. Scanning for any answer that actually could make sense with the question.

You were starting to enjoy the quiet that Heeseung had given you, whipping your head to see what he was doing to be so abnormally quiet you instead make eye contact.

There’s a weird prolonged moment of silence before you say, “You freak, why were you watching me do my homework?”

His eyes crinkle as he breaks out into a smile, “Was waiting until you would crack.”

“I don’t have any drugs on me.”

“Not that kind, Y/n. Didn’t take you as a bad girl,” He chuckles.

“I’ll be an annoyed girl if you don’t let me finish my work in peace.” You retort, rolling your eyes at whatever he’s implying. His smile turns into a smirk, and just by his face you can tell he has a smart way to annoy you.

“Y’know I could help, if you asked me.”

“Get over here and help me then?” Your eyebrows furrow. You’re ready to watch him rush over to you but instead he stays still.

He crosses his arms, cocking one of his eyebrows, “Asked me with a pretty please.” He adds.

You spin your chair back to the desk, eyes set back to the paper, “Kinky. No thanks.”

He leans back onto your blanket, sighing, “Your loss, we could be done with those questions in twenty minutes if you said so.”

You try not to get your eyes stuck behind your head from the amount of times you’ve rolled your eyes in the past three minutes.

It’s been pretty effective other than the fact you think it would be better to get your eyes stuck to get away from this homework.

You mean, Heeseung wasn’t the worst help last time, right?

Just this once you would ask him a favor.

Spinning around once again, you call out his name.

He looks up at you, instead of the sly smirk you expected, it’s weirdly soft. Whatever, just get this over with.

“Can you help me with this homework, pretty please?”

It sounded a little too desperate for your liking but you definitely were desperate. His soft gaze quickly turns into the smug look you’re used to.

He gets up from your comfortable bed, walking over to you, towering over your seated self.

“You’re on question two?” He stifles a laugh, but you can tell he’s teasing you.

“Oh wow he can read!”

Pointing to your textbook, you look up at him. “Just explain this section to me.”

And he does. You hate to admit it but he really does help. What would’ve taken you hours to finish you had completed it in just under thirty minutes.

Which was very surprising considering that you had a million more questions than answers, but he was patient. Which you didn’t like.

How could he be so patient with you when you’re asking questions like a broken cd? It’s almost suffocating how patient he was, it was like he had completely switched to a different persona.

How weird.

Once you’re finished you both sit on your bed in silence, but it was weirdly comfortable. You didn’t like anything about that guy, so why were you not kicking him out of your room?

You’re pulled out of your thoughts when he decides that it’s time for him to go home, he’s almost out of your room when you gain the courage to call out his name once again.

He stops in your doorframe, turning back to face you. You look down, unable to see–probably a smug look before pausing for a second and muttering, “Thank you.”

You look up again, surprised to see he doesn’t tease you, he doesn’t laugh, he doesn’t ask you to repeat it and yell it to the whole country. Instead he smiles, and nods before walking out your door.

Heeseung is weird, really weird.

“I THINK YOU’RE JUST TRYING TO GET MY ATTENTION NOW, Y/N.”

You don’t know how you keep getting into this predicament. Where you’re stuck asking the worst man to exist on how to find the answer to half of the questions but it always happens.

This time you had a plan. Ask literally anyone around you, then the teacher, then maybe the Cheeto crumbs on the floor from previous classes, then Heeseung.

So you tried, but turns out everyone in that class had one big friend group that excluded you and Heeseung so you gave up on that.

Then Ms. Nam. You had grown up the confidence to ask her only for her to reread the question in a stricter tone.

So absolutely no help at all because you had read the problem at least three times, and you definitely couldn’t ask her for help again or else you think she might use her robot powers on you.

Which left you with one live option. Which definitely was the worse out of the two.

“That wasn’t funny.” You huff, you turn your paper so he can see it clearly.

He leans over to your desk, and you don’t miss the way his eyes flicker from your lips to the paper.

He scoots his chair even closer to you, and you try not to flinch at his warmth that seems to fill up your senses all at once. You let out an awkward chuckle to express your uncomfortability, but he keeps reading the question you’re on.

“I told you if you wanted a tutor I could help.”

You huff, “I don’t want your help.”

“But you can’t stop asking for it, huh?” The boy smirks, his eyes locking into yours. He lets out a chuckle–Why was he laughing? Maybe it was your incompetence for physics. Why did you take this course anyways?

Not coming up with a quick enough insult back, you give him an exasperated look. Waiting for him to explain whatever was going on in the class.

Leaning back in your chair, you watch as he tries to explain everything in simple terms. How his hands resemble a model as he describes some kind of motion you can’t name.

After he finishes you look at him with a blank stare.

He lets out a breathy smile, almost awkwardly he waves in your face.

“Y/n, are you listening?”

“No.”

“GOD I HATE HER.”

After a dreadful four periods it was finally lunch, though the cafeteria was never the ideal place to eat–you could talk about the people around you, which came in handy for times like these.

“Sooyun? I still can’t believe she did you like that.” Miyeon sighs, shoving a–soggy fry into her mouth.

Lia nods in agreement, “Wait–catch me up again. She said you flirted with her boyfriend?” She gestures to you with her chin.

You nod angrily, “No but–she literally asked me to hold her drink at the party while she went to the bathroom. But she was gone for literally thirty minutes to god who knows where– So I gave her drink to her boyfriend because I had a curfew!”

Taking a sip of your water, you continue, “And then, she apparently sees our hands touching when I handed him the cup–which was not true, but she totally freaked out and accused me of trying to get with her boyfriend and ruin her relationship.”

Sooyun was your best-friend. She was smart, pretty, sweet–all the good things you could name about a person, would apply to her. Back in middle school you were so envious of her, because everyone liked her, all her crushes–even your crushes liked her.

You didn’t really mind, obviously you were slightly jealous but so was everyone else. Everything was going well between the two of you until you had started wearing makeup, and styling your hair. And people started liking you more.

All of the sudden she had become really self conscious around you, constantly reminding you that you were so pretty and she wasn’t. You didn’t really mind, of course–in fact you understood it and always denied her comments, after all you felt it about her just a few months back.

Then she had gotten a boyfriend, and totally distanced herself from you. There was nothing you could do except watch, she hadn’t done anything to you, so why hate her?

That’s until you found out that she had been talking bad and spreading rumors about you, that was when your boat had finally tipped, and you cut her off a week after that party.

That was four months ago, but somehow the wound was still fresh from the fact that–your childhood best-friend had totally dropped you the second she found a boy.

Miyeon’s eyes light up, “Oh! I remember that! Lia, that was the party where you did purple eyeshadow and someone asked if you got a black eye.”

The group bursts into laughter, you wince at the feeling of Lia’s hand hitting you a few times while laughing.

You three move on to new topics, Miyeon talks about whatever new thing her mom is buying her for an event, which reminds the other two of you to talk about something else. You all cut each other off with new stories or opinions to tell. But it works for the three of you.

That’s until Lia stops her story-telling abruptly as her eyes get caught onto something behind you. She immediately stops moving, Miyeon follows Lia’s eyes and catches on too, smugly smiling at the sight. You almost feel like you’re missing something.

“Why are you guys so weird? Don’t tell me Sooyun’s coming up to us.”

They exchange looks, and Miyeon starts, “Your boy-toy is totally staring at you right now,” She giggles.

Whipping your head around you don’t see anyone, turning back to them you watch them with confused looks.

Lia raises her eyebrows, “Lee Heeseung? Ring any bells? Blue hoodie, glasses–”

Cutting her off you whip your head around to see, As she said–Lee Heeseung staring at you, eyes widening once he’s realized that you found out about it. His friends, who you think are Sunghoon, Jake, and Jay don’t seem to pay any attention to him at the moment.

You study his features. You like the way his hair falls around his glasses– or how his hoodie looks just perfectly baggy, you would ask him where he got it if he wasn’t the most annoying person alive–Are you going insane? Did you seriously just compliment him?

His face contorts into something different, a smile. His friends give him teasing nudges but he ignores them.

Instead Heeseung chuckles like he always does for some reason and you give him an almost disgusted look, breaking literal air molecules as you turn back to look at your friends with an irritated expression.

Beat that physics.

Miyeon lets out a high pitched giggle, and Lia hit’s you even more, speaking nonsense and acting like he’s in love with you and vice versa or something. You wince at the feeling, hitting Lia as revenge.

You’re not sure why they’re freaking out, it’s just Heeseung. The guy who’s been annoying you since you were eight. The guy who everyone knows that you have something against. But the knocking you’re feeling from Lia’s hand says anything otherwise.

You’re not in love with Heeseung, you don’t even like him. You can’t stand his little smug smile or voice–you hate both. You can’t stand that his glasses style never seemed to change for the last six years he’s had them. You can’t stand how he’s so much smarter than you and makes sure you know it.

You can’t stand Heeseung.

He’s like a leech, one that you can’t seem to get off of you. From tutoring to him staring at you whenevers convenient. You’re starting to think he lives to annoy you.

“You can’t tell me he’s not cute.”

Miyeon’s voice snaps you out of your thoughts, and you resist the urge to look back at him, not wanting to give him the satisfaction of you looking twice.

“I’m telling you now.” You retort, and the lie flows easily through your teeth.

YOU SHOULDN’T HAVE COME TO THE PARTY.

The idea seemed fun at first. Letting yourself be irresponsible after weeks of not doing illegal shit and not getting caught. You weren’t the party type but everyone had asked you to come to this party.

Everyone–meaning Lia and Miyeon–had begged you to come to this “rager” (their words not yours), but you had let them run off and do whatever irresponsible things they could think of.

And now you knew you definitely weren’t the party type.

You stood in the corner watching as everyone was either having the best time of their life or the worst time (you) and no in between. The bright disco lights had you wincing every few seconds when it was directed straight for your eyes.

Clutching your drink, you gulp another sip of it, feeling a slight burn as it runs down your throat.

Everyone was singing to some song that you didn’t know, like it was a classic or something. You swayed slightly in the corner, trying to feel whatever everyone else was feeling.

Pulling down your white mini skirt, you had wished that you hadn’t worn something so cute to something so not-cute.

You give the people making out nasty looks as you try to find someone you know and like–which sadly totalled to two people.

Feeling a little bit like a loser, you decide it’s time for yourself to leave. You find a random trash bag that is–seemingly, full of garbage and drop it in there.

Letting out a sigh of relief you scan everywhere for your two friends, you can see them having a ball dancing in the middle of a crowded pit. Walking up to the edge of it Miyeon’s eyes lock into yours, and you give her a signal that you are going to leave.

She sends you a thumbs up, then blows a kiss at you before repeating the words to Lia then pointing at you.

Lia shakes her head sluggishly, like you would absolutely change her experience if you left. You gave her a confused look, signaling again that you were leaving. Instead this time you turned around, not waiting for her approval.

Then, you look around for an exit to this absolute hell. You can see the door behind a crowd of people and it seems like it’s glowing in your eyes (or maybe it was the few cups of that god nasty punch you had). Whatever it was, it felt like it would be the exit to your grave.

You’re thankful that you didn’t wear big heels to this place, because you could barely even walk in a straight line–Let alone walk.

Somehow dragging yourself to the crowd of people blocking the exit, taking a sigh, you start to push yourself through this apocalypse.

You’re abruptly pushed into someone. Massaging the shoulder that was shoved, you look back to see the person you bumped into.

“Oh my gosh–I’m so sorry-”

Sooyun.

Your eyes widen, and it seems like your throat has gone dry.

She gives you the nastiest glare you’ve ever seen, fixing her hair before she scoffs, “What the hell is wrong with you? I have a drink in my hand y’know!” She waves the bright red cup tauntingly in your face. Taking a messy sip from it.

You watch as the red liquid drips down her chin and onto the floor, your eyebrows furrow at the weird sight, “Sorry, ‘got pushed into you.”

You weren’t really sorry, obviously. But you wanted to cut off any conversation with her as soon as possible.

“You’re such a bitch. You flirt with my boyfriend then you bump into me and make me spill my drink over my dress? You can’t stop asking for attention, huh?”

You scan her body, only seeing a drop of the red drink that has been on her own accord, looking up at her angry eyes it reminds you of the look she gave you during that party.

You were getting deja vu.

“Sooyun, that was an accident,” You argue, pointing at her, you continue. “And stop calling me an attention seeker when I have told you thousands of times that I wanted nothing to do with your frog-looking boyfriend!”

She gasps, quickly collecting herself to answer.

“You’re sorry?”

“For bumping into you, can you leave me alone?”

“See how I feel and then I’ll accept it.”

Sooyun launches her cup at you, you flinch, covering your face so your hair doesn’t get super sticky.

She laughs like a witch, then you feel the stickiness all over your clothes.

Looking down you see your outfit stained red from the forbidden fruit punch that she has–or had in her drink. Watching as the drink drips down your legs you try not to cry at the feeling.

“What the fuck is wrong with you?” You yell, trying to find an ounce of guilt in her expression only to find nothing.

“Well I said-”

Cutting her off, you yell, “This is not about the drink, this is about you. Calling me an attention seeker because I wanted to hang out while you had a boyfriend? Sorry–should’ve realized that you would’ve left me for any guy that looked at you since you were “so ugly”, right?”

She scoffs, trying to avoid looking at you. You take an exasperated breath, almost not believing that she would do something like this to you.

You continue anyways, “Well have you wondered why you can’t seem to find anyone that likes you? Because you do shit like this.” Gesturing to your stained red clothing, you look at her in disgust.

“So instead of calling me an attention seeker. Remind yourself that the last time anyone genuinely liked you was in middle school when you weren’t a fucking bitch.”

Your words were slightly slurred when you yelled that out, but she seemed to understand every single letter of it. She stands in silence, with an unamused face, you can’t tell if she’s thinking of what to say next or waiting for you to be finished.

You wish you could slap her, hit her, or really do anything to get your anger out. But the most you can do is yell, because you know that every second after you would regret doing that.

You can’t stand to look at her. Or anyone or anything at this stupid party, pushing her away from you, you walk as fast as you can without damaging your feet so you finally reach the pearly gates of heaven, the exit. And you push open the door, feeling the cold gust of wind blow through your legs.

Even though you’ve finally seemed to make her feel somewhat bad. You don't feel satisfied at all. In Fact you feel empty. You feel guilty. You feel as if you just shamed a person who’s just trying their best to fit in.

You shouldn’t feel guilty. But you do. But your mind feels like it’s being torn apart whether you should feel that way. Though now every little thing that irked you tonight seemed to be adding up now. Because you can’t stop the one single tear drop from spilling from your eyes.

Wiping it as quickly as you can. You look back to see if she followed you, only to be met with the nausea of the party running back to you. You need to go home.

Though everything seems to be going wrong for you tonight, because 1. you’re drunk and can’t drive home. And 2. you don’t have a car.

Squinting your eyes at the bright light emitting from your phone, you scroll through your contacts to find the one person you could call.

You dread hearing the ringing, it rings one, two, three times before it’s answered, your eye catches the time on the screen. 1:42. Ignoring it, you put the phone up to your ear.

“Y/n,” Even though it’s so late he has a light tone. “I knew you liked me but not this much.”

You burst into tears.

Processing the situation, he exclaims, “I’m so sorry!” He frantically answers.

“I didn't mean to make you cry—Y/n are you okay? Where are you right now? Are you safe?” He bombards you with so many questions but you can’t seem to find the strength to answer them all.

Through your hiccups and sniffles, you mumble into the phone, “I didn’t know who else to call.”

Hearing lots of shuffling from his side, you can assume he’s getting out of his bed. “Y/n I’ll come pick you up, where are you?”

“Yeonjun’s party. I-I’m sitting on the edge of the sidewalk.” You say through sniffles.

You can hear him let out a breathy smile, “You shouldn’t get that pretty outfit dirty by sitting on the sidewalk, is there somewhere else for you to sit?” He talks to you as if you were some kind of child, but you’re too exhausted to mind at the moment.

Standing up immediately, you lazily wipe off any rocks that could’ve gotten onto your clothes, “My skirt is already dirty, and my feet hurt” You whine into the phone, trying to wipe off the big red splatter on your white skirt.

The phone goes silent for a couple of seconds, and you don’t think you can take it.

“Seung, I’m sorry”

Seung. That’s the first time you’ve called him any nick name other than annoying. Heeseung smiles at the name, glad that you can’t see his rosy cheeks.

“For what, angel?”

The name slips by your ears, because you’re too focused on trying to stop your hiccups and talk rather than focus on a swoony nickname that he had just said.

“I’m sorry for calling you and-“ Another cry comes out of you, taking a pause, you start again “And I-I’m sorry for asking you for so much help in physics because I suck at it-“

“Y/n how much have you drunk?”

The car engine growls softly in the background of the call. You start walking in a circle though you can’t stop from tripping over yourself every couple of seconds, wondering if you had taken three or four cups of that punch.

“Only like three cups of that weird punch” You slur, your mind is brought back Sooyun, and your vision turns hazy, your hiccups start again and you feel like everything around you is suffocating you but the small voice coming from your phone.

“Heeseung.”

“Yes, angel?”

“Talk please. Anything–I don’t care. Just say something to get my mind off myself.”

“Okay.”

You pace around in circles listening to Heeseung’s smooth voice, chuckling at some of his smart remarks or his embarrassing stories that he knows he’ll regret telling to you. The hiccups soon fade away and are turned into small giggles of his silly remarks.

You must've done at least one hundred rounds around the imaginary circle you're tracing. Even though your feet hurt like hell and your heel is definitely about to break, you repeat the cycle. Waiting for a familiar man-

“I’m here, look to your left.”

Whipping your head to the left, you can see the outline of him. His black glasses caught your gaze and still somehow he looked good when he had just woken up. His arms are spread wide open, waiting to be filled.

You run into his arms.

Wrapping your arms around his neck you hug him as if he’d turn around and leave if you let him get a single breath of air.

He gently places one hand on the lower part of your back, the other hand he uses to tuck your head into the space between his shoulder and neck.

Heeseung is warm.

One word you never thought you would describe him as. Though hundreds of positive words seem to be spilling through your mind at the moment and you can’t help but close your eyes, and cry.

You can feel a wet spot growing where your face is but Heeseung doesn’t seem to care. You had fully expected him to push you away when your tears came rushing down again but instead he pulls you in tighter.

Mumbling nonsense into his shoulder you let the whole story out. Sooyun, the music that was too loud, the punch that had your legs moving awkwardly because of the stickiness–Everything.

He doesn’t laugh at you, he doesn’t offer advice, he doesn’t push your gross, wet face away, he doesn’t laugh at you for being such an emotional drunk. He listens. Just silence, with a few hushed mumbles of how you’re going to be okay.

You had always been given advice instead of a listening ear, and you never knew how nice it felt until now.

He pulls away slightly, wiping your tears as he whispers, “Let’s go home. Okay?”

You nod.

You’re mentally preparing yourself for your feet to shoot pain through your body when Heeseung picks you up. You scream, quickly slapping your hand against your mouth as you’ve disrupted the people leaving around you.

He picks you up easily, as if you were a feather. He bridal-style carries you to the car.

You hate yourself for getting so red because of him.

“You said your feet hurt, right?” He places you gently into the passenger seat of the car.

You hate how you can’t form a response. Your brain is too fuzzy from the alcohol and him to give him anything but a nod.

He just smiles at you, closing the passenger door.

The drive to your house is silent. A comfortable silence. Because you don’t think you could make any conversation while he has a warm hand on your thigh.

He stops in front of your house, parking the car then rushing over to your side, picking you up just to walk you to your door.

The story is a blur in your eyes, but before you know it, you’ve changed into your pajamas with a clean, bare face. Snuggly tucked into the comfort of your bed.

“THIS IS FAKE, RIGHT? YOU’RE KIDDING.”

You huff, “I’m serious Miyeon! Can you believe he saw me while I was crying my heart out? I thought pigs would fly before that ever happened.”

Lia raises an eyebrow, “But he comforted you didn’t he? I don’t see the problem.”

When you had woken up with a horrible headache and puffy eyes. You thought you had just cried so hard the last night that it was headache inducing. Trying to remember whatever you did last night you had found one of your blue sticky notes planted on your bedside table.

call me okay? let me know if you’re okay – heeseung

You had ripped the paper in half.

You were definitely not going to call him. Or contact him in any way.

That blue sticky note had brought out every single detail about the night before, and you’re left wishing to forget it again. You sigh at the bright blue sticking out in the trash, you were never going to drink again.

“The problem isn’t that he comforted me! The problem is that he’s going to tease me about this until the day I die–I mean, he can’t even help me with physics without poking fun at me.”

Lia sighs–Which you don’t appreciate at all but you stay silent. “Y/n, this is different.”

“How!” You exclaim, covering your face in shame.

“It’s different that you’re in completely different moods. Obviously he might tease you about something when you’re in a good mood. But when you’re fucking bawling your eyes out–anyone would get the hint that you probably shouldn’t joke around about stuff like that.” She argues, and you don’t want to agree, but her point makes sense.

You shake your head anyways, “But it’s Heeseung we’re talking about here! The guy who laughed at me when I started crying at the dinner table years ago.”

Miyeon chips in, “Yeah–years ago, he’s not going to be the same immature boy he was in seventh grade! And I’ve talked to him a couple times, he’s so nice. I don’t know why you hate him so much.”

Groaning, you’re annoyed by how they don’t understand your perspective.

Heeseung, from all the years you’ve known him. He’s been this snarky boy who’s always acted like the perfect boy to everyone else. You can’t help but feel jealous of him because everyone likes him. He’s perfect for everyone. Smart, funny, handsome. All the good qualities a person could have.

And you can’t stand it.

You’ve seen through his facade since the first day you met to now. And it’s left you wondering if he was just a good actor or he’s a sweet angel to everyone but you.

But you couldn’t care less. You hate him, end of story. Nothing will ever change that.

“I don’t think I can ever face him again.” You admit. You’re so embarrassed. So embarrassed that he was the only person who had ever seen you in such a vulnerable state.

“Y/n don’t be dramatic” Miyeon sighs.

“I’m not!”

Furrowing their eyebrows, they both give each other a look. As if they were communicating through their brains and they had blocked you out.

“What? Why are you looking at each other like that?” You exclaim. Brushing your hair behind your ears, your mouth transforms into a scowl.

Lia has a cheeky smile on her face, “I mean, if you hate him so much, why did you call him? Out of anyone you could’ve called?”

You scoff, “You think I have friends? Who else would I have called?”

“I thought you said earlier that you didn’t hesitate to call him though? Why would he be your first choice if he was the bane of your existence?”

You can’t think of an answer for that. And you have no idea why.

HEESEUNG ALMOST THOUGHT IT WAS A DREAM.

He knew you didn’t like him, or he thought he knew. So why did you seem so ready to open up? Or didn’t mind the amount of touch he had done or the amount of care he had provided? Heeseung was lost. So lost.

He kept telling himself, You were drunk or You had no idea what you were doing. But something inside him, a creeping feeling he had had told him that it wasn’t true. And that he was some sort of comfort to you.

Heeseung could almost smile at the thought. Being the first person you would call for anything, not even just comfort. If something had happened like you had seen a cute cat on the street or you tripped on a rock. He would want to be the first to know.

He had been in love with you since you had met. He tried his best to help you out but it always resulted in failure. He wasn’t sure why, or what he did. But he seemed to keep messing up, because you had never forgiven him.

Your parents had never lost contact with each other, but after that first encounter you had never seemed to talk to him again. Or any interactions would end up in dirty looks or straight up arguments.

It’s a shame that he’s so hopelessly in love with you. He didn’t know it when you had first met but one day it shined upon him and brought light to his day. He loved your warm smile when you were with your friends, that face you make whenever you’re focused on something, your stubbornness and refusal to take help (especially from him), and how you speak your mind whenever.

How long could you hold grudges?

It worried him. Because Heeseung just loves you. And everyday it had been itching him to say something, but his fear of rejection–which he knew would happen–would remove his hopes of ever even having a normal relationship–even a friendship with you.

When you had called him that night, he thought he was reading your name wrong.

Then when he had rubbed his eyes countless times he answered the phone.

Answering the phone, his first reaction was to tease you. Why would you be calling him in the middle of the night?

He definitely did not expect to hear you sobbing your eyes out. And before he knew it, running his ass off trying to get to his car as fast as possible. To get to you as fast as possible.

He didn’t tell you that he had his friends over that night.

The relief he had felt when he had finally reached you couldn’t be expressed in any form. The warmth he felt when hugging you had made his heart beat so fast he thought he was going to die.

When he wiped away your tears he felt like he was dying, it was too intimate, and as happy as he was that he was there to comfort you. He knew that you would regret it the day after.

“Do you think she meant it?” Heeseung asks. Voicing the thought that had been taking over his mind for hours and hours.

“I mean,” Jake answers, “Drunk words are sober thoughts?”

Heeseung sighs.

“If she’s sorry that means she doesn’t hate you, right? Because she feels bad?” Jay adds, giving Heeseungs shoulder a slap of reassurance.

“Heeseung you’re crazy for leaving your friends who’re sleeping over at your house. I expect an apology with tears next time.” Sunghoon rolls his eyes.

“Hey I came back didn’t I?” He argues, crossing his arms.

Sunghoon raises an eyebrow. “Apology with tears.”

Heeseung thinks he hates Sunghoon more than you hate him.

YOUR PACKAGE WAS SUPPOSED TO ARRIVE TODAY.

You had run to check the mailbox immediately after school, unlocking the key you were supposed to see a small package containing the lip tints you had bought two weeks ago, only to be disappointed when you were met with a sea of envelopes.

Rolling your eyes at the sight you walked back to your house, with a head full of disappointment

It was hard to focus on your homework when you were checking your phone for any updates on if it had arrived at your home or not.

And you were getting frustrated to see the only notifications you had were from your social media.

That is until you checked your phone the fifteenth time, and you heard the doorbell ring.

Running down the stairs, “I’ll get it!” You yell, unlocking the door.

Your package was being held by someone.

Your package was being held by Heeseung.

Heeseung was at your door. Holding your package.

“Hey Y/n! Can we come in?” Ms. Lee asks.

You snap out of your daze, “Yeah of course!” Moving to the side for them to walk in, “Sorry I didn’t know you guys were coming.”

Heeseung waves at you awkwardly and you can’t find it in you to wave back. Snatching the package from your hands you walk them to the living room. Then when you were out of focus, you bolted to your room.

Catching your breath you rip open the bag. Feeling excitement bubble inside you when you see the packaging you’ve been waiting for for weeks.

Trying on all the colors you bought, you’re pleasantly surprised to see that all of them look good on you.

Lifting the gloss with a squeal, you put them all safely on your desk, to be used another day.

Looking in the mirror at yourself you realize how not-pretty you look. You quickly curl your lashes slightly, and brush through the tangled and messed parts of your hair so you don’t look like a total mess in front of the guests at your house.

You’re not sure why you care so much. It’s just Heeseung and his family for god sakes. But you can’t help but put a dot of tint on your lips. You don’t want to look bad in front of the guy you hated so much?

You can’t believe he hasn’t mentioned the party in front of you yet. Instead he looks at you with pitiful eyes like he actually cares. You hate that. You hate him. But he’s still in your house downstairs. And there's nothing you can do about it.

Walking down the stairs, you spot Heeseung in the kitchen.

You’re confused on why he’s there until you see him cutting up scallions as a finishing touch. He’s helping your parents cook?

The last time he was fine with sitting in your room. So why was he avoiding it now?

He looks up at you watching him, he lets out a breathy laugh before looking back down. Focusing on not cutting off any of his fingers.

You despise the fact that he acts like there is nothing weird between the two of you. How you hate each other yet he was your first call to comfort you. You don’t like how laid back he is about the whole situation.

But, you keep quiet. Nodding to him you walk up to your mom. Asking if she needs any assistance cooking. She shakes her head no, but asks you to set the table.

Grabbing napkins, you place them in front of each seat before grabbing utensils and bowls. Repeating the process again.

You sit in your usual spot, but you think you’ve gotten something wrong when Heeseung takes the seat right next to yours which rightfully belongs to your mom.

You look at him with a raised eyebrow and he whispers, “They wanted us to sit together for some reason.” He shrugs.

Rolling your eyes, you take a sip of water to hide the fact that your cheeks were heating up.

When everyone is sitting down and eating. You realize that you had zero appetite at all. Picking at your food, you eat at a snail's pace while everyone is eating like a cheetah's.

You pretend to eat your food while contributing in the conversation whenever you’re mentioned. You take another bite once the taste is gone from your lips.

You haven’t realized how slow you’ve been eating until you see that everyone has finished eating except you and Heeseung. They had moved on to cleaning, or watching the ongoing golf game.

You also hadn’t realized that his knees were brushing yours.

The table is silent, and awkward. Looking at him ever so often, you’re embarrassed to make eye contact with him every time. Looking away as soon as you spot his eyes looking at yours.

“Hey Y/n.” He says, attempting to break the weird tension between the two of you.

You hum in response, finally gaining the courage to look back at him.

“Are you okay? If you want to talk about the whole “Sooyun” situation I’ll listen.”

You almost choke on your food. “No, I don't want to talk about it. Sorry I called you–I guess.”

He chuckles. Chuckles. You’re cut off by the small laugh he lets out, looking at him in disbelief for laughing at your oh so vulnerable state.

Your cheeks have never felt more warm.

“You’re a pretty crier, angel.”

He walks away before you could make one of your snarky remarks back. But for some reason, all you can think of is Heeseung and his weird smirk.

YOU WEREN’T SURE IF YOU HAD GOTTEN WORSE AT PHYSICS

But it certainly felt like it. Because you’re handed a random vocab quiz that you had definitely forgotten about–Not like studying would help– and you don’t understand any of the questions.

Some of them, you get lucky and know the other answer to. But a majority of the other answers were guesses with a randomly thrown in “i don’t know! sorry :(”

Yeah you were definitely failing this class.

Taking a break from the measly black text, you look at the people around you taking the test. Trying to see if they’re struggling as much as you are. Turning your head to the right you see Heeseung working on a question two ahead of you.

Sighing to yourself he looks up at you. He turns his paper to you with a teasing smile so that you could read it.

You try to read everything you can before whipping your head back to your paper so you don't have to interact with him more.

You erase half your paper before rewriting his answers with an explanation you think makes sense.

Scribbling and hoping that you’re doing things right, you apply that same logic to the rest of the paper.

Taking a deep breath before you walk up to Ms. Nam. You’re not the first one to finish, but definitely one of the earlier ones. She gives you a pointed look before snatching your paper.

Feeling a weight added onto your shoulders, you sit back down at your seat contemplating why you’re failing such a simple class.

Maybe it’s because Robots don’t know how to teach. But that was definitely false. Because why would Tim and Moby exist?

You tried to think of the better possibilities that could come of this test. Like maybe you’re guessing actually worked and you would get anything over a 80.

Or maybe you would fail out of the class and be forever known as the girl who couldn’t pass physics-

A chuckle comes from your right, you whip your head around to see Heeseung turning his head back at his paper.

Following his line of eyes, you see the answers on his quiz that he was almost done with.

You had gotten at least half of the third page different from Heeseung’s. But maybe he got the question wrong–Who were you kidding? Heeseung would never get half the paper wrong.

Looking up at the teacher's desk, you happily discover that her line of sight was being blocked by two students still working on the quiz.

Carefully, you take your phone out and open the group chat.

you :

guys i totally BOMBED that physics test oh lord

miyeonieee :

LMFAOOO we gotta get u a tutor or something

diarlia :

shes already got a tutor iykwim…

you :

heeseung is NOT my tutor.

diarlia :

notice how i didn’t even mention heeseung

i was going to say like jake or something

yn :

oh sure u were…

miyeonieee :

oh yeah hes good at physics

kinda forgot about him LOLL

you :

i can’t ask him to be my tutor i dont even know the guy

miyeonieee :

hes one of heeseungs bffs girl what

you :

its not like i keep a roster on him hello

diarlia :

you don’t need to cause you think of him 24/7 AYYYY

you :

girl stfu no i dont

You close the group chat.

Looking up from your phone you notice Heeseung turning his paper in, he turns back—locking eyes with you.

Time seems to still, just for a moment. You give him a dirty look, and he returns it with a small smile. When he sits down in his seat, his attention elsewhere is when you smile back. You don’t realize it for a few seconds, but when you do, you drop it completely.

You don’t know why but you’re starting to think you’re being too mean to Heeseung.

TODAY YOU’RE SKIPPING DINNER WITH THE LEE’S

You weren’t sure why you hadn’t thought of it before. But as you walked into the library, you felt a sense of relief.

It’s not like you hated having them over, you just hated having him over. They used to be rare dinners, where you and Heeseung would only talk if absolutely necessary. And you were fine with keeping it that way. But your mother and his had different plans, because it’s apparent that they had become super close again.

Dinners used to be once every few months, but recently it has become once every few weeks, sometimes even two weeks in a row.

Which meant that Heeseung would be staying in your room for a few hours every few weeks. And it felt weird.

It was new. A change that you couldn’t force yourself to like.

So you ran away.

Just for a little bit of course. Until they stopped coming over, and Heeseung stopped hanging out in your room.

You had gone to the library to study. Maybe even read a textbook to understand a single thing about anything you were learning about Physics. Because it took you all your power to ask Heeseung for help, and it left you none to actually consume the knowledge he was giving you.

Today you decided that you were done asking for Heeseung’s help.

Scanning the library for different sections, you realize that you weren’t sure why you had never thought of studying at the library. The warm hues and the comforting sight of organization had never felt more pleasant. Finding a deserted seat you set your stuff down. Pulling out materials you would need.

After organizing your notebook and pencils, you mindlessly walk through each aisle. Postponing the actual study session.

The library is eerily quiet today. Though all libraries are meant to be quiet, there seems to be no pen clicking or keyboard clicking sounds.

You then realize that the library is filled with only a handful of people. And they’re all spread out throughout the room.

Walking in the aisle that you were supposed to look for, your eyes catch sight at the couple at the end of the aisle.

No, it’s not a couple. You then recognize that it’s Heeseung. The man who had made you ditch dinner at your house had also decided to be at the library today. You curse yourself for your bad luck.

Your eyes trail to the girl next to him. Too close to him for comfort. She looks up from the textbook to whisper something softly to him. Her hand touches his arms as they’re laughing. But Heeseung tenses up.

Wait.

That’s Sooyun.

Heeseung was with Sooyun at the library.

Sooyun was flirting with Heeseung.

Your Heeseung.

And what seems like the worst timing possible, you spot the textbook you were looking for. Right at the end of the aisle, right in front of Heeseung and Sooyun.

They haven’t noticed you yet, so slowly walking–careful not to make any noise. You dip down to the bottom shelf. Pulling out the textbook you need.

Okay all you have to do is stand back up and walk away and you’re good-

“Oh hey Y/n!” May Zeus strike you down–

Whipping your head back to Heeseung’s cheering voice, you strain a small smile, waving at him.

“Aren’t you supposed to be at dinner?” He asks.

“Why aren’t you at dinner?’ You retort, standing up from your squat.

He chuckles, “Tutoring, remember?” He gestures to Sooyun who gives you a smile–a bitchy one that’s for sure.

Fuck, you forgot he had tutoring.

“Right.” You nod, you’re about to depart when Sooyun cuts you off.

“Hey Y/n you get that stain out of your skirt yet? It’s really too bad that skirt was white, huh?” She laughs.

You’re not sure how to respond. You seem to be going blank a lot these days. You aren’t sure whether it’d be a good idea to punch her–which you want to do. Or if you should walk away like a civilized person.

“Don’t run out and start crying, Y/n! It was just a joke!” She continues. Feigning innocence.

She saw you crying. She saw you run out and start crying. Gosh it’s not like that night could get any worse. You’re sure Heeseung would step up to defend you, I mean–he heard your rant, and he even took the initiative to comfort you and get you ready for bed.

That’s until you hear a chuckle.

Heeseung just laughed at her joke.

Your shame soon turns into frustration. How could he just laugh along like you weren’t sobbing your eyes out to him literally minutes after?

Heeseung says something but you just miss it. Though it seems to be directed to Sooyun with a smile on his face.

“Shut the fuck up, Sooyun. Leave me alone.”

Before you know it you’ve turned and started walking back to your seat. You’re surprised your body remembered to bring your textbook with you. Because your mind was still processing the situation.

Sure, it was obvious Sooyun was going to bite back somehow. But watching Heeseung laugh along with her jokes hurts. And you don’t know why.

It’s obviously something he would do.

But for a second, you thought he had changed. You thought that he was turning a new leaf instead of the little boy who found joy in you knowing that he was smarter than you, but it turns out, nothing had changed at all.

You still hate that little boy version of him. And you still hate him now.

Though you had never liked the boy, disappointment blooms inside you. Catching you off guard like a lightning bolt, waiting to strike.

It’s an hour later when you decide to pack up and go home.

You had told your mom two hours at least–that this time you would actually look into the work for once. But that scene replayed in your mind like a broken cd. It took over your thoughts, making you rethink everything you thought you knew about him.

It’s made you realize that you don’t feel disappointed. You feel betrayed. You feel betrayed that he laughed at a joke at your expense.

It doesn’t make sense to you, why were you feeling betrayed anyways? You didn’t even like the boy.

Maybe you were being dramatic, maybe you were thinking about it too hard, maybe he forgot your rant to him.

Or maybe he only felt pity for you after the party.

You didn’t want to be pitied. You didn’t want to be pitied by him. So you did what you should’ve done–at least–twenty minutes ago, and left.

Driving home, you blast the music to cover your overwhelming thoughts. Turning into your driveway, you stop the car. Slamming the door too hard on your way out, you wince at the sound.

Walking in, you begrudgingly wave to everyone at the table, avoiding eye contact with your mom before you run upstairs to your room.

You didn’t want to cry about something so stupid. That would just be proving Sooyun’s point. So instead, you laid down in your bed, and slept.

HEESEUNG HADN’T SEEN YOU IN THE HALLS THE DAY AFTER.

His eyes scanned everyone that walked past his friend group–he was listening to the conversation of course–but it was a little obvious that he was preoccupied.

“Heeseung?”

Fuck.

“Sorry, what did you say?” He asks. Eyes off the few people passing them but now on Jake’s.

He rolls his eyes, which Heeseung kind of deserves, then says, “How was your tutoring session with Sooyun? Hope she didn’t badly flirt with you like she did with all of her other math tutors.”

His eyebrows furrow, “No I don’t think she did. Just a little too friendly I think.”

“She definitely was, I don’t even need to see you two to know,” Sunghoon says, “He was too busy thinking of Y/n anyways.”

His eyes widened as his head whipped towards Sunghoon. He felt his cheeks heat up at his comment. He was thinking of you during the tutor session, but that was beside the point!

That’s when he sees you. Your hair was perfectly down, and you were carrying your physics book. Heading to–what he assumed was–your shared first period.

You pass by him, eyes following yours, he waves. But, you don’t wave back–which he was accustomed to even if you rolled your eyes right after–instead, you turn your head away with a disgusted look on your face. Almost like you’re embarrassed that he was waving to you.

He gets nudged by Jay and that snaps him back to life. Jay teases him but his eyes are still following yours, watching you turn the corner and escape his view.

“I thought you were on good terms?” Jake asks, eyes gesturing to the spot you had just left.

“What?”

Jake looks around, “She looked kind of mad at you.”

“I don’t know what I did, maybe she’s still embarrassed about the party.” He sighs, rubbing his temple.

Heeseung can usually tell what most people are thinking. He has labeled himself as an observant person in his mind. But with all three of his friends staring at him like he was an alien. He definitely knew there was something he wasn’t getting.

He puts his hand down. Raising his eyebrows instead, “Why are you all looking at me weird?”

Jay’s mouth parts slightly, and Heeseung swears he sees a fly run in. “Dude—You’re saying you saw Y/n at the library?”

“Yes? What about it?”

“And you’re wondering why she’s avoiding you?”

“Is it because she thought she looked bad? Because if it’s that then she’s wrong because she looked-“

“Heeseung. You’re really making it obvious you’ve never talked to a woman before.” Jake buts in.

He was totally lost now.

“Heeseung.” Sunghoon starts, “Who do you think you were tutoring?”

“Oh shit.”

Heeseung was stupid—apparently. Because even though he swears he’s an observant person, he didn't notice how ignorant he was.

Another problem, he doesn’t know how to approach you and explain himself.

He watches as you sit down next to him, not even glancing at him before you put your head down

Pushing his glasses back, he forces himself to look up at the board.

Well—he tries. But his eyes keep lingering to you, who might just be the most gorgeous person to ever exist.

He raises his hand to answer a question Ms. Nam asks. He gets it right as always, but he doesn’t see you roll your eyes at him. Which nudges him in the wrong way.

Ms. Nam gives out a digital assignment, which he loves but you can’t seem to be bothered to do it.

He’s halfway through the assignment when he sees you pull out your laptop, clicking random keys to turn it on.

It’s almost dead. He watches as you search your backpack for a charger, only to be disappointed when you don’t have one.

“I have a charger, if you want to use it.”

Heeseung waits almost anxiously for your reply. Unzipping the compartment already before you answer.

“No.”

He doesn’t know how to react. He’s nervous to be around you when you’re upset–and in general–so he chuckles. Horrible timing—like always but he does that when he’s anxious.

“Okay, let me know if you need one.” He says, trying to offer a warm smile, in hopes of you returning one.

“I don’t. Leave me alone.” You don’t even spare him a glance.

He knows you’ll be annoyed. But he would never want to leave you alone—or avoid you, he wouldn’t even dream of it.

“I JUST—CAN’T BELIEVE HE LAUGHED!”

Yes—you were still upset. You had been avoiding him all day because you couldn’t even think about snapping about him. You would feel so guilty.

You were good at holding grudges. Why you hated Heeseung for so long was because a stupid grudge from when you were seven. You had always held little things against Heeseung for years on end. And it had built into this void of hatred for you.

But for some reason, you don’t think this grudge will last long.

“What an asshole. Next time I see him you’ll have to hold me back.” Lia says.

You let out a breathy laugh, taking a chip from the bag in front of you.

The salty flavor sits on your tongue for a few seconds, you chew it, swallowing it as you take another from the bag. You think at the rate you’re all eating at you’ll finish the bag of chips in five minutes.

Miyeon swallows her chip, rubbing her greasy hand on a napkin when she says, “So why are you upset? I thought you didn’t like either of them.”

“I do!”

“So why would them–hanging out together be a problem?”

You sigh, “I don’t know! It just irks me the wrong way–Plus he laughed at her joke! Even though he knows that I was super upset that day.”

You’re not sure why it bugs you so much. You tried to convince yourself that it’s because two people you didn’t like were hanging out and flirting. But you knew that wasn’t it.

You knew that you were so hurt by Heeseung for laughing more than you were by Sooyun for making that joke because that’s how Sooyun is. She tries to drag people down whenever she’s not given everyone's attention, then she acts like the nicest girl to exist when it is. You were foolish enough to fall for it, but you didn’t think Heeseung would be.

Heeseung is smart. There's no point in denying it. Heeseung is a genius. When he tries to be–And he flaunts it. So him falling easily for such a simple facade had you questioning everything you knew about him.

You thought he hated you. As much as you hated him. You thought he only approached you to annoy you just like the day you met. After you had called him crying you thought he had a change of heart, or maybe he actually didn’t hate you all this time.

It was obvious that out of the two of you, that you were the less smart one. But after being manipulated by your ex best friend so many times. You thought you could tell the difference between a real–genuine interaction or a fake one.

Turns out you were just as stupid as you thought.

“Y/n if you hate him because he’s rude, why would he offer to tutor you? Or he picked you up after the party and got you ready for bed? Or even the time he helped you with your homework? Why would he do that if he was such an evil person who hated you?”

“I don’t know. He’s weird.”

“Y/n.” Lia huffs, “Why would he be doing these things even though you’ve been rude to him?”

“I don’t know! What are you trying to say?”

“Y/n. The boy likes you.”

You snort, “That’s not funny.”

“I didn’t make any jokes.” Lia deadpans.

Your head spirals trying to process the new information. He loves to annoy you–why would he want to annoy you if he liked you?

You try to think of every interaction you’ve ever had. Racking your brain on how this could even be a possibility. This is Heeseung. The same guy who would look at you weird when you were passing by.

Wait. He stared at you weirdly. But it wasn’t a death glare. You didn’t know what it was. But you swear you could feel imaginary puzzle pieces together, as you come to conclude.

“That makes sense.”

And it really does make sense. But something in you doesn’t want to admit the fact you don’t think he could ever like someone like you.

“It does, doesn’t it? Now what do you think of that?” Miyeon asks, eating two chips in one bite.

You don’t know how to think about it. You don’t know how to feel about it. It’s impossible for something so small to make it feel like your world has been flipped upside down. But it seems to happen a lot recently.

The weirdest thing about this whole situation is that you don’t seem to mind. In fact, the idea of him liking you brings warmth to your chest. Like the warmth you felt when you were hugging him. Or the racing of your heart whenever you think about him.

“Oh my god.”

The room stops, just for a second before you continue.

“I like him.” You say.

The words sound foreign to you. Like you’re trying to speak a new language with no idea of what you’re saying.

But weirdly, you aren’t annoyed by the idea of you liking him and him liking you back. You actually think you like the idea of that.

Just as you had expected, you ran out of snacks after talking about Heeseung for the next thirty minutes. But you didn’t mind.

You actually liked talking about your feelings to them, it was something different that you had never experienced. Giggling over boys and talking about what they did or something you found weird, it was fun, something you had never done before but you couldn’t wait to do again.

Eventually, you had run out of the party sized bag of chips–that were half empty anyways so you didn’t really eat much–and much to your dismay, you had lost the rock-paper-scissors battle. Meaning you had to run to the grocery store to get more snacks.

They had given you a list to go off of. Arizona tea and a bag of barbecue chips for Lia, Hot Cheetos for Miyeon, and some snacks for yourself.

You didn’t mind driving to the convenience store nearby. It had given you a twenty break alone to recharge for a bit, since they were probably staying the whole day.

Pulling in the parking lot, you back into a space. Shifting gears, you park the car. Walking out and closing the door, you press a button on your key. Hearing the familiar beep that locks your car you push open the doors.

As you walk in, the cashier greets you. You awkwardly wave back, heading straight toward the chip aisle. You scan the columns for the familiar bags before you see someone else in the aisle.

You spot a bag of Hot Cheetos and reach up to grab it. Your hand reaches for it but you find another’s reaching for it too. Your eyes widen at the sight of him.

Why does the universe keep making you bump into him at the worst times?

“Y/n! Hey!”

A period goes by where you're just staring at each other, wide eyed. But you seem to bring yourself together quicker, snatching the bag of chips before he could get them.

“Hi.” You respond flatly, passing by him to get the chips you had wanted, and Lia’s barbecue chips.

Even though you’ve come to terms with your true feelings, it’s embarrassing how often you’ve missed seeing him these past few days. The grudge in you still sticks in the back of your mind, you watch as the same scene replays every minute you have of quiet. But you still don’t know why he would do something like that. Or why he was so nice to you these past days.

“Can we talk?”

You’re squatting on the floor trying to get the bag when he says that. You look up at him, “No, I really don’t want to.”

Quickly standing up, you walk away from him, walking to the cashier instead.

You pass by the drink aisle, and you see your reflection. You can feel your face heat up at how you look right now. Your hair was down but you could tell it was a little greasy, you had no makeup on–mostly because you didn’t think you’d see anyone here–and some old pink hello kitty pajama pants that you had definitely gotten when you were younger.

Walking to the end of the aisle, you sigh. This was not how you would imagine you looking when you saw him again.

Not that you had been imagining the scenario a million times over.

And not because you hoped that he would beg for forgiveness and you would reject him.

“Y/n, I really want to talk to you please.” He’s walking after you, and fast.

Turns out you were a very weak girl.

You stop, turning around, “Fine, but can we not talk about this here? I’m trying to get food.”

“I’ll wait for you outside?”

He hands you his card, and you raise an eyebrow at him.

“Let me pay for it.”

You think you’re going to die.

“Yeah, whatever.” Taking the card from his hand, you watch him walk away.

You don’t think you can face him. This time, for opposite reasons than before. You like Heeseung, but you still remember him getting all buddy-buddy with the bane of your existence. But you’re not sure if you’ll be able to remember that when you’re face to face.

The possibilities of this conversation scares you–so you take your time in the store, picking out an extra snack for your home.

You begrudgingly walk up to the cashier, using his card, you insert it into the machine. Following the directions on the screen you take your receipt, walking out with your bag in hand.

Walking to the door, you try to walk as slowly as possible, to try to prevent the situation as much as possible.

You soon find yourself face to face with him. Nothing seems to be coming out of your mouth, so the conversation stays silent.

He says, “I’m sorry.”

“What?”

You’re shocked. This was not how you expected the conversation would go. You’re speechless also, your mouth is slightly agape and you’re looking at him like you’ve seen a ghost.

“I’m sorry for being with Sooyun-Not together like that but I don’t want to tutor her–but I had to tutor her. Her family paid me really well and I’ve been trying to make some extra money to help out my parents–for college.”

Oh.

Your cheeks turn pink at his explanation. A pit continues to grow in your stomach while he keeps and keeps explaining himself–like he had done something so wrong even if it was for his college funding, when you seemed to be misunderstanding the situation this whole time.

“Y/n I’m so, so sorry–”

“Heeseung.”

“Yes?”

“I forgive you.” You were a weak girl anyways, “But, why did you laugh at her joke? I thought you would understand if anything.”

“I laugh when I’m nervous, I don't know how to respond–or how to defend you–and I got so nervous on what to say, I laughed. But I told her to stop but she didn’t listen. I didn’t mean to, I swear but it’s just a habit I need to get rid of. But I wasn’t trying to make fun of you I actually think you’re really cool and I don’t want you avoiding me-”

Oh god, how did you not notice that about him? The amount of times he’s laughed at weird times around you were too many to count. You’ve known him for more than half of your life, but you didn’t even notice this about him?

“I’m sorry–Oh my gosh.” You cut him off, this time, he’s surprised.

“I didn’t even–I totally misunderstood this situation and blamed it on you. I should be the one apologizing, I’ve been so rude to you all these years-”

“Y/n it’s okay.”

“No–It’s not okay. I’ve been such a bad person to you–”

Before you can even process anything, he pulls you into a hug. He lays his head on top of yours and you can feel yourself freeze.

“Don’t apologize, please. It’s not your fault.”

It definitely was, but you listen to him anyway.

You slowly relax, wrapping your arms around his neck. You squeeze him tighter, muttering apologies into his ear.

This time, you don’t have to be drunk to admit it. But when you hug Heeseung, he’s warm, a warmth like the summer sun you can’t help but bask in.

“WHAT ARE YOU DOING OUTSIDE MY HOUSE?”

The cold air of the morning catches you off guard. The grass outside your house is frosted white, so are every roof in your neighborhood.

You close the front door, about to walk to your bus stop when you see a familiar car outside your house. With a familiar face outside of it.

“I wanted to pick you up–It’s cold.”

“I have a jacket.”

“Y/n–just let me drive you to school.”

You roll your eyes playfully, following him as he opens your car door, letting you sit down before he closes it.

The car is warm, and he’s already had the seat warmed up for you. No words are exchanged between the two of you when he pulls out of your driveway. You both listen to the quiet music that he was listening to.

You close your eyes and lean back into the chair, Trying to get back the sleep you had missed the night before.

“Tired?” He asks, his voice is barely above a whisper. But you can still hear the smile in his voice.

You chuckle, opening your eyes–you answer, “I couldn’t sleep last night.”

“I really couldn't either.”

You both know you both stayed up replaying that scene over and over. But you decided it would be best left unsaid, to wait for another day to unpack it.

When you get to school you open the door for yourself. Feeling the cold air wash over you. Taking a deep breath in the crisp air your breath comes out white. You blow out to see the white again.

Heeseung laughs at the sight, noticing his visible breath himself.

You two walk to the school doors from his parking spot. Your hand brushes and you’re quick to apologize.

He doesn’t respond, instead he takes your hand in his, interlocking each finger.

Your cheeks turn pink which if he points out–you’ll blame it on the cold weather.

“Can I come over saturday?”

“What?” God he was bold.

“I have a surprise for you.”

You frown, “I didn’t get you anything.”

“I know, it just reminded me of you.”

“I knew you were obsessed with me” You smile, but Heeseung doesn’t deny it.

He pushes open the door for you two, and you feel a wave of warm air. Which you really needed.

“I think your friends are waiting for you.” He points out, gesturing to your friends at your locker, where you usually meet in the morning.

“It’s okay, they can last one morning without me,” You squeeze his hand, but he shakes his head.

“No, go to your friends, I’ll see you in first period, Angel.” He gives you a teasing smirk, squeezing your hand one more time before walking to his friends.

Your eyes follow him, stuck in your position for a few seconds before realizing that you looked stupid standing in the middle of the hallway. You walk up to your friends, greeting them. They start pushing you around, teasing you for coming to school with him.

You aren’t paying attention though, because your eyes catch onto Heeseung and he chuckles, eyebrows raising at you.

You raise yours before your mouth cracks into a smile.

PRESSING THE DOORBELL HE WAITS PATIENTLY OUTSIDE YOUR HOME.

He’s been to your house thousands of times in the past few months. But today he’s extra nervous.

Maybe because he isn’t forced to come here, and you actually tolerate him this time. Either way, Heeseung is nervous.

The sound of the door opening brings him back to life, he’s met by your mother.

“Oh Heeseung! I didn’t know you’d be here today–Is your family coming over? It must’ve slipped my mind!”

He lets out a breathy laugh, “No ma’am. I’m here to see Y/n, is she here?” Pushing up his glasses, he waits anxiously for her answer.

“Oh of course she is!” She welcomes him in, patting his back as he takes off his shoes, “She’s just in her room.”

“Thank you,” He says, gripping the paper bag tight in his hands.

As he walks up the stairs he can feel his nervousness start to get to him. His breaths get shorter and his heart starts beating a few tempos too fast. What if you hated the present?

Taking a deep breath. He clears his mind, knocking on the door saying, “It’s Heeseung, can I come in?”

There's a small moment of silence that follows. You didn’t think he would actually come today.

“Come in!” You yell, he opens the door to see you snuggly tucked into your bed. you quickly sit up, letting a small smile grow on your face.

You internally pat yourself on the back for making sure you looked nice–but not too nice for a random day at home in the case he actually did come. Your eyes catch onto the brown paper bag behind him, but you don’t question it.

He hides the paper bag behind his legs, “Aren’t you going to ask what your surprise is?”

You laugh, “I didn’t think you were being serious.”

“Of course I was.”

Tapping the edge of your bed, you gesture for him to sit down, which he does. Before placing the bag in front of you.

“Can I look inside?”

“That was kind of the point–”

His sentence is cut off by your gasp. You pull out the box to reveal Lego orchids.

“Seung, are you serious?” You exclaim, admiring the lego orchids that he had bought you

Seung.

His cheeks turn pink, “I saw it at the store and I thought of you–Remember when we first met how we bonded over legos? That’s why I got them for you–If you don’t like them it’s ok. I can still retu–”

He stops working when you kiss him on the cheek, hugging him like it’s his last second on earth. “I love it so much–Though I wouldn’t say we bonded over legos.”

Heeseung isn’t sure what you mean, eyes furrowing when he sees your smile. But he doesn’t question it.

He watches intently as you open the box carefully, taking out each bag before reading the directions. Heeseung notices how you furrowed your brows trying to figure out what to do, or how you would tap his shoulder and show him the case if you wanted help.

It had been around a week since you had talked at the convenience store, and Heeseung thinks that was one of the best moments of his life. Recently, you two have grown much closer and Heeseung likes it. Heeseung loves it. Heeseung loves how you can hug each other and touch each other without it being weird, Heeseung loves how he can be around you without it being weird, Heeseung loves being around you, and he’s unsure why it’s taken you two so long to be like this.

Heeseung watches you quietly, but he doesn’t take his eyes off you, Like you’re a light leading him through a dark maze. He knows you notice his obvious staring, but neither you or him say anything.

Whenever you’re together, Heeseung notices that it’s quiet. Not like it’s a bad thing. He thinks it’s like a breath of fresh air. Hanging around someone where even if you don’t talk you enjoy eachothers company.

A strand of hair behind your ear falls into your face. Though you’re too focused on the legos to even think of it. Heeseung reaches his hand out, gently putting it behind your ear.

You look up and smile at him, and he smiles back.

The fan in your room blows softly in the back, creating white noise that fills the silence. Heeseung likes the white noise, but he likes your voice even more.

“Heeseung?”

“Yes, angel?”

“Why are you so nice to me?”

Again, Heeseung isn’t sure what you mean. This time, he questions it.

“What do you mean?”

You look at him with a soft frown–God he loves your lips.

“I mean–I’ve been nothing but mean to you all these years, right? But you still offered to tutor me and do all of this stuff for me, so–why?”

Fuck.

“Why not?” He chuckles, hoping that you’ll leave the topic alone.

“That’s not an answer, Seung.”

He knows it’s not an answer. But he offered to tutor him just so he could spend time with you–the girl he’s in love with. He doesn’t think he’s ready to tell you that–Turns out his mouth speaks before his head thinks.

“Because I’m in love with you.”

Your heart skips a beat.

Your frown deepens–He wish he could kiss it away–

“I’m being serious, Seung. Don’t mess around like that.”

He pushes his hair back, “I’m being serious too, Y/n. I've been in love with you–Hopelessly in love, since the day we met.”

Your mouth drops in shock, you don’t respond, so he continues.

“Remember when I said your mom asked me to tutor you in physics? That was a lie–She didn’t ask me to do anything. I noticed that you were struggling a little bit and I thought that if I could spend more time with you–and help you, then you would start to like me. Or even just tolerate me.”

“I don’t know what I did to make you dislike me, but for what it’s worth I’m sorry. You can get your revenge on me by slapping me in the face right now, but I really really want to be your boyfriend.”

The unsaid words in you can’t seem to come out. You can feel your heart beating out of your chest. Did you hear him wrong? Something in you can’t comprehend that Heeseung likes you. Since the day you met. Your mind races with possibilities trying to convince yourself that this isn’t true. But when you finally look up at him, you can see a small chuckle fall from his lips.

“It’s okay if you want to ignore that and pretend it didn’t happen–I get it.”

Heeseung tries to bring a smile to his face but it doesn’t quite reach his eyes.

You don’t know what to do. You can’t think of what would be a good response to this. So you let your heart take over, leaning in to capture a kiss on his lips.

His lips are soft. but he’s obviously startled. It takes a second before he melts into the kiss. He cups your face with his right hand, making your stomach erupt into butterflies–or erupt in itself, you couldn’t tell anymore.

You place your hand on his chest as he deepens the kiss. You feel sparks flying around you, like a firework show. It’s euphoric and so addicting you don’t want to pull away.

The smell of his cologne made you feel dizzy, the husky scent makes you yearn for more.

Heeseung pulls away first, catching his breath as you catch yours. Exchanging shy smiles while trying to get your heart to calm down.

“Was that okay?” You ask, nervously tucking your hair behind your ears.

“More than okay.”

Your smile grows into a toothy one, letting out a breathy smile you can feel your cheeks heat up.

“Was that a yes?” He asks.

“To what?”

“Me–being your boyfriend.”

And with a teasing smile, you answer, “Yeah–Okay.”

WHEN YOU PARTED WAYS WITH HEESEUNG THIS WAS NOT THE PERSON YOU EXPECTED TO BE STANDING AT YOUR LOCKER.

Every morning it was the same–or for the past week or two it has been. Get ready for school, go outside and make sure Heeseung was driving you, get picked up and leave for school, part ways with Heeseung once you get there–since you’re meeting in first period anyways, then talk to Miyeon and Lia at your locker.

But when you got to your locker, you noticed that the hall was weirdly empty today. Weird.

On rare occasions they’re both very late–which is once a week–you sit by your locker waiting on your phone until they come, or until it’s time to go to class.

This was not the case today, because someone was blocking your locker.

You recognized the back of her head immediately, walking up beside her you say, “Can you move? I need to use my locker.”

It seems like Sooyun is starting to like your attention. Every incident between the two of you she has instigated. Maybe she has a crush on you and is bitter that you’re dating Heeseung.

Whatever it is–you hope she gets the hint and leaves you alone. Which might be impossible considering the situations you keep getting yourself in.

She looks up at you annoyed that it was her locker you were standing in front of.

You try to mentally prepare yourself for whatever she’s about to say. Until she says, “I pity you.”

Okay, definitely not the worst thing she’s come up with–but pretty bad.

“Okay? Move.” And surprisingly she takes a step back, giving you enough space to open your locker and accidentally elbow her in the process.

“Aww” You want to vomit when you feel her rubbing your arm, “Y/n don’t be sad that I took Heeseung from you–You know he would never like you anyways.”

You try not to burst out into laughter.

Shaking her hand off you, you continue to take out your books, closing your locker. You try not to look at her but end up giving her a quick glance which she notices.

“It’s okay Y/n! I’ll take care of him for you.” She feigns innocence. But this time–it’s laughable, extremely laughable.

“Just like the multiple guys you took care of when you had a boyfriend, right?”

It comes out of your mouth before you can even realize it–And you swear you can hear someone gasp a few lockers down, but you don’t see who it is.

Guilt immediately takes over you when she stays silent for a few seconds. She looks at you once more and you swear you can see a hint of sadness behind her eyes. One that she doesn’t show but is still obviously there.

Slap!

You wince at her hand, hoping that she misses really badly and embarrasses herself too. You immediately change your mind about feeling guilty. Because did she just try to slap you? And why did you hear the sound but not feel it? You’re starting to think she did miss really badly–because you feel fine.

Opening your eyes, you put your hand to your cheek, you massage it–trying to make sure that you actually weren’t slapped until you see a hand, stopping her midway.

Looking behind you, you see Heeseung, once again–your savior from the devil herself. He quickly throws off her hand, turning to you with a smile.

“Heeseung!” She whines, “Y/n was being so rude!” Suddenly, her voice becomes two pitches higher–which makes you want to vomit.

You roll your eyes. Then your eyes catch a group of boys weirdly positioned near your locker–wait a minute. Those are Heeseung’s friends. Jay, James and Sungwoo–You think. You hear one of them chuckle at your situation.

You don’t blame them for eavesdropping. But they aren’t necessarily good at it. You had heard one of them gasp earlier. Giving them a death glare, you turn back to your current situation.

Heeseung is frustrated at her–and it’s kind of hot–he’s glaring daggers like you’ve never seen before. But somehow he speaks calmly. Though he’s also firm with his words when he says, “Leave Y/n and me alone. You’re annoying both of us.”

Elbowing him, you whisper, “Heeseung I don’t think that’s going to work.”

He looks at you, face immediately contorting to a softer expression. “Just trust me.” He whispers back, and you nod.

You honestly didn’t think it would work–no offense to him. If you said that to Sooyun then she would’ve definitely tried to slap you again or something. But she stays weirdly silent. Muttering a small whatever and walking away to god who knows where.

Though you were pleasantly surprised it drove her away–you forgot to realize that Heeseung is smart. He knows how to work his way through conversations–when he’s not talking to the girl he likes–and get the outcome he wants.

You’ve watched him persuade Ms. Nam–who by the way, is as stubborn as a rock–to lift his grade up a few points for his “excellent participation skills” and his “ability to help others pass''. Which were true. But even if he was Isaac Newton you still didn’t think that Ms. Nam would agree.

“Gosh we just parted ways, are you obsessed with me?” You tease, feeling how he wraps an arm around your waist.

“I might be.”

Chuckling, you snuggle your head into the dip between his neck and shoulder. Quickly lifting your head up to look at Heeseung’s friends. You wave goodbye to them as you two walk to your first period.

On the way, you pass one of the entrances to spot Miyeon, coming in absolutely drenched. As you're about to go up to her the bell rings, making the hallways fill up with people trying to get to their class.

Luckily, you two make eye contact. You raise an eyebrow addressing her situation. In return, she laughs, showing her ripped umbrella.

Laughing to yourself, Heeseung looks at you with confused eyes. Telling him the story, he lets out a small chuckle. Telling his own story of how he broke an umbrella trying to fence Jay with it.

When you get to your first period, you take your seat next to him. You usually dreaded going to your physics class every day, but this time, you realize you don’t think you mind being in this class as much as you thought.

And after years of hatred and resentment, you feel like when you’re around him that you can finally breathe again.

6 MONTHS HAD GONE BY SINCE YOU STARTED DATING

But it seemed that every other week the Lee’s came over. It was more awkward than ever.

You can’t remember when it started, but Heeseung’s seat wasn’t across from yours. Instead, every other week that the Lee’s came over, or you went to their house–he had started to take the seat next to yours.

But as often as they visited–that didn’t stop them from making the situation awkward. For example–

“When are you guys getting married?”

You choke on your rice. Feeling Heeseung’s firm pat on your back when he lets out an awkward chuckle. “Not anytime soon–In the future. After college when we’re both situated.”

“Yeah what he said–” You choke out, drinking gulps of water to wash down the cough that's coming out.

You can hear him ask, “Are you okay?”

Looking to your left, you nod, smiling softly.

The hand that was on your back moves to squeeze your thigh. You stare at his face for just a moment longer, before turning back to the dinner table.

Together you continue to eat the food your mom has graciously made. The warm end of spring sun lays across you making the table glow a light orange.

The light makes Heeseung’s hair look a lighter brown than it usually is–And you like it a lot.

The conversation turns from your relationship to any small talk they can think of. Like the neighbor’s gossip or how someone else's daughter got accepted to Korea University which only had an 8% admission rate.

Sometimes you would butt in, giving knowledge on something they know less about or they would ask you if you knew the person. But for the most part you stayed quiet like you always did.

After you two had both finished eating, you had both been dismissed by your parents. You walk up to your room, and Heeseung follows hands interlocked with each other.

You let out a sigh of relief when you finally sit down on your bed, you lay back–tucking yourself under the blanket and you can feel a dip next to you.

Scooting closer to him, you can feel his arms wrap around you. No words are exchanged but you can hear the soft humming of the laundry machine or the tweets of the birds outside your window.

It’s not dark outside, but the sun has started to set. Casting a golden glow that peeked through your window covers.

You thought you were wide awake after dinner. but for some reason a yawn slips out of you. You close your eyes slowly.

“Are you tired, angel?”

Angel.

You swear you can feel yourself turn into mush whenever he calls you that. It was a nickname that had started soon before you were dating–but he never had gotten rid of it. And you didn’t mind at all.

“Hm?” You let out, barely above a whisper.

“Are you tired?”

Your body acts in weird ways when you’re around him. Sometimes you can feel your stomach burst into butterflies or how your cheeks start to burn. But recently you’ve been getting so sleepy around him.

You open your eyes, “Yeah kind of, I don’t know why.”

He raises his arm, his hand comes up to your face and lays his thumb on your cheek. Rubbing it soft and slow.

“You can go to sleep Angel, I don’t mind.”

You shake your head slightly, just so his hand won’t come off. “It’s too early, I don’t want to ruin my sleep schedule.”

He hums in response, moving his hand to play with your hair. “Do you want to watch a movie? We should get ready for bed first though.” He offers.

You agree, it’s barely above a whisper but he can still hear your voice.

Slowly sitting up, you both walk to the bathroom.

When you walk back to your room, he’s already sitting down, waiting for you to sit down next to him.

You're glad he’s already picked a movie, because you know if you picked you two would be spending hours just scrolling through the selection.

The movie starts– displaying the title “10 Things I Hate About You” in red text.

You smile at the movie, knowing that it’s one of your favorites. You snuggle in closer, wrapping your arms around his and laying your head on his shoulder.

It’s nearing the end of the movie when you mumble, “Did you mean it earlier?”

It’s pitch black now. The only light coming through your window was now the bright moon, reflecting the sun’s light.

You loved nights like these, where you would stay at your house, just watching a movie. But somehow Heeseung had always fallen asleep after you–curse his night owl habit.

“Did I mean what, pretty?”

“When you said that you wanted to marry me when we’re both settled down, did you mean it?”

He pauses for a second, and you hear the movie playing in the background. But somehow the sound felt so far away.

I hate the way you talk to me, and the way you cut your hair.

His silence starts to worry you “It’s okay if you don’t I just–”

“Of course I want to marry you. If I could, I’d propose right now. ”

You can feel your heart start to race, you lift your head off your shoulder to look at his face. To make sure he’s not teasing you. But he’s looking at you with the most love sick eyes you’ve ever seen. You feel yourself grow small and flustered under his gaze, but he doesn’t falter. Only a small smile appears on his face.

I hate the way you drive my car. I hate it when you stare

“You’re serious?”

I hate your big dumb combat boots and the way you read my mind. I hate you so much it makes me sick, it even makes me rhyme.

“I haven’t given you any reason to doubt that, right?” He says that teasingly, but you can tell there's a hint of genuine questioning behind it.

“No.” You mumble.

“Okay–just in case you’re lying, I love you, Y/n. I love everything about you, I’ve loved you since the moment we’ve met and I’ll love you until the moment we die and even after that. I love you, Y/n, I hope you know that.”

You can feel your breath hitch as he says that. You two don’t say those words often, not because you don’t love each other but because you think that actions matter more than words.

You’re silent for a few seconds, processing every thing he’s just said. You can still hear the movie, but you seemed to have missed some lines–not that it matters anyways. You have the whole dialogue memorized.

I hate it that you’re not around. And the fact that you didn’t call.

When you realize he’s waiting for your response, you kiss him. You kiss him until the butterflies that flood your stomach get tired and stop flying, you kiss him until you can feel your lips grow swollen and red, you kiss him until the only thing he can think of is your lips on his.

When you pull away your both breathless, staring at each other with tinted red cheeks.

But mostly I hate the way I don’t hate you, not even close, not even a little bit, not even at all.

“I love you–by the way. That wasn’t a way of avoiding saying I love you.” You blurt out, and you can see the smile growing on his face from miles away.

He chuckles, squeezing your cheek in your hand before turning his head back to the long forgotten movie. “We missed the best part” He frowns.

“You’re saying I just made out with you for you to only care about the fact we missed Kat’s poem?”

Yeah, Heeseung is still really weird. But you don’t mind it. Not at all.

taglist 1 — @nicholasluvbot @jayfrvr @enhastolemyheart @star-sim @teddywonss @cherinne @nikisbungeoppang @gfksz @jvjsssnaa @n1k1mura @eleanorheartschishiya @in-yourmum @erehkinnie30 @jjongscardigan @txtlyn @miumiuismee @heeoao @hee-yunie @blackberryrains @enha-stars @parksunghoonsgf @ryunjin0 @hyunjinekoma @boutyouwonu @ilyjxdz @wonsbaer @woninluv @shawnyle @heeseducedme @fandom-freak-geek @minniejenseo @parkwonbinluvr @j4ysluv @notevenheretbh1 @angelcob @rayofsunshineeee @wvnkoi @erens-piss-cleaner @firstclassjayler @capri-cuntz @jiyeons-closet @monett @weyukinluv @kyrjnie @milkycloudtyg @txtbrainrot @bbinwrld

+ perm taglist —@jwnghyuns @ja4hyvn @trsrina @redm4ri @badmuni @yeokii @enhastolemyheart @softpia @s00buwu @ox1-lovesick @boyfhee @hanniluvi @teddywonss

#this is probably one of the best things i’ve ever read im so serious #heeseung the man u are #😭😭😭#kafka’s recommendation <3

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fariest · 26 days

Text

LOVE ME BACK ✴︎ heeseung social media au

synopsis › could you please love me back? every day you hoped heeseung would acknowledge you after the three long years of endlessly pining over him. but you would have never expected him to come up to you with an offer that changed the trajectory of your life.

or in which — heeseung asks you to fake date him for a couple of months without knowing that you have loved him from the start.

pairing ୨ৎ heeseung & fem reader

featuring … ot7 enhypen, giselle (aespa), yunjin (lesserafim), yves (ex-loona)

genre › social media au, fake dating, fluff, humour and crack, class president & basketball captain, she fell first but he fell harder, quiet x loud, friends2lovers

warnings › swearing, unfunny humour, kms/kys jokes, dirty jokes, a little bit of angst, mentions of kissing and alcohol

taglist › open! send an ask or dm to be added

SOUNDTRACK

profiles › the guys & the girls

001. what are the odds

002. heeseung number reveal

003. don’t underestimate me

004.

005.

#im SEATED for this #like literally 🪑🪑🪑#kafka��s recommendation <3

903 notes · View notes

fariest · 26 days

Text

sim jaeyun — brighter days inc.

— “you’ll wait for my love? “i waited for your love.”

pairing. fem!reader x sim jaeyun.

warnings. angst, my heaviest angst post yet tbh, fluff moments here & there, layla !!, lots of miscommunication, lots of crying and panicking moments, no happy ending :(

word count. 12.3k

synopsis. just how bad was the punishment of falling in love with sim jaeyun?

— a, note. i apologise in advance for this, i would like to point out that this was completely and fully inspired by the we can’t be friends music video along with the entire eternal sunshine album by ariana !! i only added minor details & scenes here and there but hope u enjoy ! <3 p.s !! this whole post is viewed better in dark mode !!

「 just wanna let this story die, and i’ll be alright. 」

The soft fabric of your shirt soothed your trembling fingers, gentle wind breezing past you once the bell of the door jingled ahead of you, indicating the arrival of another patient wretched with agony and their own pain.

Your vision danced between the walls, the countless photos that hung on the brick pillars claiming a guaranteed peace of mind with the eye catching and loud titles of “brighter days ahead!”, different posters inked with the participants’ positive reviews towards the operation that haunted the patients whom were anxiously sat next to you, some wiping their tears while others gazed hopelessly into the wooden floors, their legs shaking up and down the longer the nurse took to call their names.

You pulled your jacket closer to your chest, in hopes of it protecting you from the words printed onto the paper in front of you, you had read the sentences over a hundred times by now yet you still couldn’t bring yourself to fully accept them.

You have given extensive thought behind your decision and give “Brighter Days Inc.” the exclusive permission to remove this person completely from your memory:

— ☐ yes | ☐ no

Closing your eyes multiple times while chanting “please let me wake up” was deemed futile, you couldn’t bring yourself to face the reality of the situation you had put yourself in. Though you had your reasons, countless of them. You had every right to sit in the waiting room for this clinic, yet you still couldn’t gather up the courage to fully accept the weight of the truth.

The great weight of the truth that weighed heavily on your shoulders, you knew this was the correct decision. You knew you weren’t physically affecting anyone by doing this, you practically weren’t going to hurt after this, yet your actions still hurt the present you, the one who was able to sense a thin veil of tears forming along her waterline for the nth time since you stepped foot into this clinic.

And you were doing this to save her from the pain, from the heartbreak you had been suffering through. The harsh wood of the board felt hurtful against your skin, the piece of wood agonisingly heavy atop your fingertips, your hand placed the pen in your lap before it instinctively moved towards your neck, caressing the special pine cone necklace that adorned your chest.

The feeling of the pendant beneath your touch felt gut wrenching, your whole being freezing as the sudden sharp edges grazed your skin, the pendant that held so many great memories to you that you hoped would comfort you for the last time felt like the thorns of a rose splitting your fingertips.

It was the sudden sharp dig of the edge of the pine that reminded you of a precious memory, one of the most special days in your life when your two favourite people walked into it.

Your foot sunk deeply into the snow beneath you, the wind a cold breeze blowing against your blushed face, your nose a distinct red shade as you sniffed due to the cold weather, hands digging further into your warm pockets to allow the blood to rush back to your frozen fingertips.

The breath turned into a glowing mist ahead of your eyes as it tumbled past your lips, you smiled softly at the sound of your best friend announcing her departure to collect more wood for the fireplace the two of you had wanted to create, you turned your head to the side to locate her small figure slowly disappearing into the slight fog that started to form a few minutes before the two of you had arrived to the small forest.

You took notice of how heavy the snow was, the ground a vast white that glittered with the sunrays, the sudden urge to lay on the floor that appeared as faux clouds and cotton overcame your senses and before you could rethink your decisions, you were already surrounded by the comforting cold of the snow hugging your every limb and every inch of your body.

Memories of your childhood flashed through your eyes, the happy moments that were filled with laughter exchanged between you and your friend as the two of you made snow angels, joyful giggles flew in the air around you once you both stood up to compare the shapes to one another and chuckle at the ridiculous outcomes.

Before you could fully indulge yourself in the memory, you felt a foreign object pressing against your foot, your eyes shot downwards to the sight of a dark circular item— a pine cone?

Your heartbeat unexpectedly picked up its pace, was there someone around? You weren’t in an area that had pine trees around them, they were atleast a few miles away from you.

Loud rustling reached your ears from ahead, what sounded like a person quickly walking— in an abnormally fast way that made you prepare yourself for the appearance of any random person, your senses heightening at the possible danger awaiting, the shadow slowly appeared in front of the fog, a really short one that confused you.

Once the mist finally had dispersed, revealing the last outcome you had been expecting— an adorable puppy that jumped its way through the snow, you stared at the shimmering fur that had gotten covered with small bits of the sparkling snow, the puppy barked at you in excitement, their tail swaying behind them in the snow while their shining eyes studied your face.

Your hands held onto the pine cone, a smile stretching out on your face once you noticed that the puppy was waiting for you to return the item, sitting in front of you patiently in a well behaved manner, a clear indication of how attentive and careful their owner is.

“Is this yours, hm?” You questioned, voice playful and low in fear of possibly disturbing the overly excited puppy who only barked in delight at your question, and as your hand was reaching forward to return the beloved pine cone, you and the sweet puppy’s ears picked up the distressed yells a large distance away.

The puppy turned its body towards the direction it came from, breathing the cold air in before barking countless times as if to signal their location and on cue the rushed footsteps that dug into the snow approached your figures closer.

“There you are, Layla.” A young boy appeared from between the twinkling mist, his features sharp and eye catching the closer he walked towards both of you, a charming smile etching its way onto his chiseled face at the sight of his beloved dog, “I was getting worried, pretty girl.” He breathed out in relief before finally noticing your presence.

His back suddenly straightened, shoulders pulling back while his eyes widened before the prettiest pink you’ve ever seen dusted his ears and cheeks, “oh hi.” He breathed out shyly, he could feel his heartbeat drumming in his ears as the last thing he was expecting to find Layla next to was a gorgeous girl.

You couldn’t help the quickened thump of your own heart either, the appearance of this young guy that was clad in a large dark coat, black pants along with a matching hat that revealed small peaks of his dark brown hair had your mind reeling, he was undeniably handsome.

“hello.” You whispered back, instinctively holding the pine cone towards your chest as holding eye contact with the beautiful man only made your body buzz further with excitement and nervousness, the guy also losing his internal battle with the possibility of facing you as his eyes had only been following his dog’s moving tail in hopes of calming his own nerves down.

The said puppy’s gaze danced between her owner and the new friend, unfamiliar with her owner’s sudden shy side appearing in front of a potential friend making her suspicions arise, and the moment she was about to bark in the direction of her owner once again, the guy spoke out.

“Did she tackle you onto the floor?” He asked, tone laced with concern at the realisation of your position on the snow while you held the pine cone in your hand, “no!” You quickly denied once you lifted your head and saw his worried expression, thousands of apologies disappeared from his tongue at your words and he couldn’t help but breathe another sigh of relief, “I’m actually making… snow angels.” Your voice had dropped a few octaves towards the end.

Quieting your own words to hide them from the handsome guy that you prayed wouldn’t make fun of you for your childish behaviour from your first ever encounter, you were preparing yourself for the worst reaction to slap you across the face and for his laughter to reach your ears yet— “oh I love snow angels!” His excited voice pulled you out of your thoughts.

You turned to face him again, to see the genuine excitement and fondness lacing his face before patting the snow next to you, a warm smile gracing your features that made the unknown boy’s heart to leap in his chest, “come join me!”

The loud ring of the bell harshly pulled you out of the sweet memory into the reality you had been dreading, all of your senses returning to the present made a sinking feeling take over your heart, by the time you leave this place you won’t be able to remember this precious memory.

Your hand instinctively wrapped around the pine cone, in attempt to protect and shield it from the possibility of disappearing, the idea of one of the most precious days of your life dissipating from your memory lane made your shoulders sink further, the anxious feeling of pure unease settled deeply into your bones, and before you were able to prepare yourself further, you felt your throat closing up.

And as if your own body had turned its back towards you, your gaze had shifted beneath the cursed words to the bottom of the paper, where a clear and bold line awaited your pen to grace upon it.

signature: ________

Your vision then travelled towards the boxes, the finality of your decision settling into your limbs when your hand finally moved from your necklace to hold onto the pen again, and with a heavy heart along with a new veil of tears aligning your eyes, you finally allowed the first drop of ink to land on the paper.

☒ yes | ☐ no

The wind around you turned colder, it felt as if the breeze was scolding you for such decisions, the guilt by now had started to eat you up alive, tainting your brain and choking you up on your own unshed tears, you tried to breathe in deeply, attempting to calm your heaving chest down as with each passing second you felt your lungs constricting further.

“Miss, are you ready?” The nurse had suddenly appeared next to you, caring and worried eyes scanning your shaky figure on the seat, knuckles white around the wooden board that held your signature and confirmation for the procedure, your head lowered in shame of the sight of your tears being revealed, though all the hurt was evident in your body language.

“This way, miss.” She quickly guided you towards the office, your hand reached out to carry the box next to you, the cardboard that contained all of your memories that were stuffed into items, her hand reached out to hold the trembling board from your weak one while the other hovered around your lower back, bringing an odd sense of comfort for you as your feet walked you towards your own heartbreak.

The walls of the office appeared cold to the touch, the solid floor beneath you brought the aura of seriousness for you, almost as if awakening you from your hurtful thoughts to the reality of the situation, there was no turning back now. Then with each step that you took towards the chair, memories of this morning took over your mind.

Layla, your precious puppy sat ahead of your crouched figure in front of the bed, you sat atop the mattress that felt so unwelcoming, so foreign to you, as if you hadn’t slept multiple times between the same sheets with your love before.

Your puppy was cautious, big shining eyes studying every tear drop that ascended down the curve of your cheekbone, her own body slouching with each sob that wrecked through your body, “I’m sorry.” The yellow light from your bedside table casted a soft glow on both of your small figures, Layla reached towards you, one of her paws landing besides you on the bed as she lifted herself up while the other was placed gently against your leg.

“I can’t continue staying here, baby.” You explained to her, with each break in your voice her ears dropped lower, the sadness and confusion evident all over her adorable face, long gone was the look of excitement and pure love that painted her face whenever she saw you, as if she was able to understand your words she pushed her fluffy body towards you more.

“I can’t be with you, or jaeyun anymore.” You whispered, sweaty and cold palms reached out towards her small face, her golden fur comforting you as it brushed against your skin, you allowed her loving presence to curtain over the overwhelming sense of fright that your stomach was unable to digest, her familiar scent coating your senses bringing a feeling of ease into your panicked state.

“I love you so much.” You whispered to your little cupid, the one who had brought you together with your first true love. The one who had unknowingly brought so much happiness and joy to your dull life with her and her father’s presence.

“Are you ready, miss?” The doctor called out, dragging you out from the reality that only existed in your head now, a cloud of doom now hovered above your head as there was no space to return back to, this was it. That was your last time with Layla, ever.

The pill of the reminder suddenly seemed to large to swallow, the thought of an eternal separation from your beloved little cupid felt agonising to you, the tightening in your chest worsened, your fingers dug into your own palm to cause the tiniest bit of satisfaction when the pain travelled throughout your nerves, you deserved this.

You had known this was the correct decision a long time ago, this was the only way you had been able to save yourself but god how could you be so selfish at the same time? How could you leave two very important people behind you and live in eternal bliss? You heart began to thunder against your ribs, each thump begging you to return, to turn back on your footsteps and go back home.

To return to your love, to your small family, to endure the pain and the sting of the knowledge that jaeyun would never view you the way you had done.

To return to your angel, the one who sat by the door with her tail swaying behind her excitedly at the sight of the door opening, in hopes of a possible walk with her best friend, then her tail suddenly paused atop the wooden floor while her pointy and excited ears dropped, breaking your heart when you crouched down to kiss her head for the final time, in hopes of your feelings conveying to her through the loving contact, atleast for the last time.

You knew the love you held for him had to be dissipated. Though the pure, innocent adoration and devotion your heart carried for him didn’t deserve to be gone. Yet it wasn’t worth putting Jaeyun through possible pain and suffering.

If only you had known from the start that this was the consequence of your actions of inviting Jaeyun to create snow angels with you on that morning would lead you to the punishment of falling in love with Jaeyun, you would’ve never stepped foot into the snow that day.

The doctor held your hand gently, his eyes held nothing but sympathy and pity for you, your fingers pale and shaky in his hold as he placed the small device on your index finger, the pulse reader instantly showing your quickened heartbeat on the screen, “the procedure is going to be a quick and painless one…” the doctor’s words echoed throughout your eardrums, each word drifting off from one ear to the other as your vision was stuck on the numbers constantly picking up.

As if a chain had been tightened around your neck, your throat closed up further, you suppressed every sob that threatened to escape from you, your feet had gotten numb on the chair at some point while you shut your eyes with reassuring words replaying in your head in attempts to soothe yourself, yet each one was being repeated atop of an image of a smiling jaeyun behind your closed eyes.

The nurse behind you had brought the two iron pieces closer to your temples, each one glowing with a red light, indicating the disconnection while they approached your skin, and once both pieces were attached to you as if they were pieces of magnets, your heart only sunk further in your body.

The doctor exchanged incoherent words with the nurse that your ears weren’t able to comprehend, your senses only picking up the constant beeping of the monitor, each beat picked up its speed, symbolising how your heart was beating rapidly at the thought of your one and only love, at the thought of losing him entirely in less than a few minutes.

Your eyes then landed on the screen besides you, blue lights blinding your sight as you took in the multiple tabs open on the screen with “generating link” as the largest one, the percentage increased quickly, each number made your breath turn shorter as the gravity was finally settling in, the small sting that you felt on the sides of your head was incomparable to the ache of your heart, still filled with so much useless hope after all these months.

“Are you ready?” The doctor asked, a consoling smile etched onto his features, you nodded quickly, eager to get the procedure done with now before your weak heart convinced you to run outside of this clinic and into the arms of the man you fell in love with.

“Alright then.. we should be starting…” the doctor’s voice slowly disappeared, his words gradually faded away from you as your eyes remained shut while the machine forced you to a trip down your beloved memory lane, your memory path that was dedicated for sim jaeyun only.

The first memory you had shared with him after your first encounter played in front of your closed eyes, you remembered this one in a crystal clear way, the sight of you and Jaeyun walking hand in hand was imprinted onto the back of your eyelids, the familiar sight making your heart jump into your throat.

“I’m gonna win you the teddy bear!” Jaeyun shouted excitedly as he walked, his grip on your hand firm yet gentle while he made his way through the crowd in the carnival, rushing towards the claw machine quickly, bumping into random people every few seconds making you laugh at his enthusiasm, unaware of jaeyun’s heart thundering in his chest at the sound of your laughter.

“You really don’t have to, Jake.” You rushed besides him and the second the baby blue and pink lights of the machine landed on your smiling face he felt his breath hitching in his throat, your shining eyes presenting as windows to your excitement and pure joy you felt besides him made his heart leap in his chest, “but i want to.” he breathed out gently, mesmerised besides your distracted frame.

your eyes studied the glass window curiously, jaeyun was confused as to why he could tell exactly when your eyes landed on the teddy bear he mentioned, confused as to why he was able to study all of your expressions so well so soon, to why they mattered and intrigued him so much, surely the fleeing thought of cradling your face gently into his arms was an intrusive one, and totally not because of his own feelings and urge to do so, right?

his hands reached out to push his coin into the slot before reaching towards the small handle, his fingers buzzed with excitement and anxiety, the need to win this teddy bear for you chanting throughout his mind as he lowered the claw onto the fluffy toy, and once the iron claws wrapped around the bear, your hand sneaked its way between both of your figures to lace with his fingers, a soft squeeze of encouragement that made the boy’s heart thump needily.

“You got it, jake!” you beamed from besides him, you quickly held the fluffy toy in your arms, hugging the precious teddy close to you, the sight making jake’s world slow down its rotation, his heart jumping into his throat as he took in the sight of your happy expression, your sweet and thankful words falling onto his ear before they travelled out the other, he was hypnotised, your happiness casting a spell on him effortlessly.

“Jaeyun..” he suddenly breathed out, snapping back into reality with a soft, loving smiling permanently etching its way onto his face, “hmm?” You questioned, moving your sparkling eyes from the toy to his handsome face, his sweet grin made rose dust along your cheeks, he reached out to hold your hand before he spoke out again, “call me jaeyun.”

“Okay, jaeyun.” You chuckled affectionately at him, one hand intertwined with his slender fingers while the other held the teddy close to your heart, “what are you going to name it?” His eyes dropped back onto the teddy, quickly switching the topic as his heart felt like it was on the verge of exploding the longer he drowned in the ocean of your eyes.

“Jakey.” You smiled at the sight of his eyes widening, eyebrows lifting as he audibly laughed, the sound ringing like melodies in your ears. The view of him blushing and laughing under the stars becoming your favourite in that instant as everything else around you blurred and your sole focus was on him and only him.

“Let’s take you and Jakey to the ferris wheel then.” He joked before walking towards the said ride, fingers still laced with yours as he pulled your shy figure gently to follow him throughout the crowd.

And suddenly with a mere blink you were stuck in the middle of moving bodies, one hand unbearably cold while the other held onto a teddy, confusion laced your expression as the lights of the ferris wheel glowed ahead of you, why were you here in the first place?

Just like that, Jaeyun disappeared from a precious memory that belonged to you.

Your surroundings in front of the ferris wheel darkened, a small circle of light engulfing you before your dissociated out from the memory, you had your eyes closed shut, not daring to open them when all you could hear was the murmurs of the doctor and the nurse confirming the removal in the first memory.

All you could detect was the consistent sinking and pain aching in your heart, the dizziness in your head as you altered your memories and forcefully removed the only person who you ever truly loved in your life, the agony from the thought so great that it allowed new streaks of tears to decorate your skin.

And as you let out another shaky breath, you were pushed into another memory.

The harsh breeze of the wind grazed jaeyun’s skin while his teeth chattered slightly at the icy stabs along his arms, he quickly moved from the sidewalk to the empty road that accompanied the ray of sunlight courtesy to the shorter buildings next to it.

His shoulders relaxed at the warmth that travelled his system, his fingers didn’t feel like they were about to fall off anymore the longer he kept them pushed into his pockets under the sun, he relished in the vast difference between the cold breeze and the warm sunlight, a weird sense of soothe scurrying into his mind.

The comparison was awfully familiar, yet he couldn’t quite put his finger on what it reminded him of.

Nonetheless he continued walking, making the final turn that allowed the sight of his house to enter his line of vision, his insides buzzed with worry and excitement at seeing you again, your appearance always brought him solace especially when he walked into the view of you playing with Layla happily in the living room.

Yet whenever he remembered the position both of you were stuck in regarding your importance in his life, his mind got jumbled with negativity and worry again.

But he was determined that tonight was going to make a difference.

Especially with the apology he had spent days memorising, his finger brushed against the small box in his pocket that brought an unexpected but welcomed wave of positivity for him, it was the first time that he felt so confident in himself with something that involved both of you.

The slight graze of the velvet against his skin reminded him of the way your skin felt against his, the sunlight that glowed atop his honey skin beautifully reminded him of the warmth your love provided for him, oh how he adored you.

And there was jaeyun, finally walking towards his door with a pep in his step, his chest feeling ridiculously lighter while the blood rushed to his face at the thought of you in front of his eyes.

His shaky fingers wrapped around the handle before pushing the large piece of wood, layla instantly greeting him at the door with a welcoming woof of her own, making him smile widely.

“Hello my princess,” he spoke with a soft voice, kneeling down to pet her after closing the door behind him, all worrisome thoughts disappearing from his brain the second her soft fur nuzzled against his palms, he chuckled at all of her licks against his cheeks, turning his head as he giggled and unknowingly seeing your missing shoes on the floor.

Confusion wrapped around his head as a weird, unnerving emotion settled into his stomach, he quickly looked around the living room for any sight of you only to be left further confused since you hadn’t told him about leaving the house today.

“Is she not home?” He questioned layla, his glossy eyes returning to the puppy who visibly lost all of her enthusiasm, quieting down and only licking at his palm in hopes of bringing some sort of comfort to her owner the longer he desperately searched for any sign of you.

“It’s alright,” he walked towards the living room, a sudden wave of dizziness crawling its way to his conscious, he involuntarily closed his eyes at the unexpected pain while his feet quickly led him towards the couch with a worried layla trailing behind him, “she’ll come back.” He whispered, comforting himself while his hands reached to hold onto his head.

And before he could realise, he laid onto the soft fabric of his couch as a wave of sleep took over him while his consciousness drifted. Unbeknownst to him, that would’ve been the last time he would remember you.

「 i don’t wanna tip toe but i don’t wanna hide. 」

The doctor’s hands paced around his instruments panically, your soft sniffles ringing in both his and the nurse’s ears as their heart broke for the nth time that day at the sight of the memory on the screen of their computer, the memory that held an immense amount of pain as the only thing you could focus on in that moment was the view of jaeyun sitting down next to a random girl, his arm wrapped around her shoulders while she turned her head to the side to quickly peck his jaw.

“Is that not.. jake?” Your friend asked from besides you, her eyes widening at the sight of the guy who captured your heart huddled next to an unknown girl by a cafe’s window, the view inevitably catching your gaze too as your brain almost shut down at that moment.

“It is.” You whispered in confirmation, the cobbled stone beneath your feet glued you atop of it while your world slowed down, just like your first encounter— you felt everything around you slowly dissolve till your sole focus was on jaeyun with a random woman.

You friend thankfully picked up your irregular breathing, and she was sure if she had listened close enough she would’ve also been able to hear the sound of your heart shattering into countless pieces while your face was an open window to your emotions.

The feeling of your stomach sinking completely brought you back into reality, the situation was laughable really, just a few weeks ago he seemed too shy to even hold your hand yet here he was now with his arm around another woman.

He might’ve not been able to hold eye contact with you just a few weeks ago, but right now he was able to laugh at the top of his lungs at what looked like a joke the woman said.

“Let’s go.” Your friend sternly announced, holding your hand the second she noticed your eyes swelling up with tears and quickly pulled you to walk into a different alleyway while jaeyun slowly disappeared in the background, leaving the random woman to sit alone in your memory before you quickly tumbled into another one.

Your vision began to slowly clear, another memory opening up ahead of you as you felt yourself getting lost in your emotions regarding this whole procedure.

The aroma of the coffee was pungent in the living room, wafting through the air accompanied by the sweet scent of cinnamon, Layla’s sweet coos and quiet noises of approval and support kept you company and sane after witnessing the man your heart thrummed for wrapped up in the arms of another woman.

Due to the unending conflict and doubts eating away at your mind, resulting in a very upset you and a worried Layla to walk around the house to distract yourself, and the perfect distraction did you find when your feet dragged you into the kitchen.

“I guess it’s just me and you.” Expressing yourself to Layla had always been something that came very easily to you, she was your closest friend at the moment after all. Always by your side to comfort you whether it was by cuddling you with your tears landing like rain drops on her soft fur till you fell asleep or by urging you to play with her and get your mind off her dad.

And right as you were about to move the few pastries from the tray onto the plate on the counter, you and Layla’s ears picked up the familiar and dreadful sound of the door being opened, announcing Jake’s arrival with the loud creak of the wood once he pushed it forward.

As expected, the air that carried the dizzying scent of your pastry was suddenly filled with tension. As if each golden particle of the sweets that travelled through the air while carrying your love transformed into a harsh droplet of ice, the atmosphere further thickening uncomfortably when the boy walked inside of the kitchen to the sight of you in front of the counter with your puppy nuzzling to your leg.

“That smells amazing..” he muttered, feeling shy and small when faced with your stiff back, and he knew he deserved the treatment that you had for him, he knew that you had seen him with someone else. Yet he didn’t have the heart to even think about bringing up that conversation, deciding by his own that stuffing the confrontation into a small box and pushing it far away to a corner in his mind was for the best now.

“Thank you.” Your response was curt, almost monotone with the way you tried your best to not have whatever conversation between you two last longer, his presence alone was suffocating enough for you, you didn’t have the heart to face him.

And jaeyun of course noticed all of this, he noticed the way your back was still faced towards him. A clear and painfully obvious contrast from the way you used to greet him with a loving hug and sometimes even a sweet, shy kiss to his cheek if you were really in the mood for it. The memories of those adoring welcomes will always eat away at his conscience, a constant reminder of what he lost.

But was jaeyun going to ask you to talk with him so both of you could finally address the invisible tornado of unspoken emotions in the room? Of course no.

“I was wondering if you…” he trailed off, voice quiet and almost hesitant in approaching you, and his doubts began to gnaw at his heart when your shoulders tensed further, his anxiety made his tone even more jittery when he continued “want to spend some time with me..?” The final syllable was a mere whisper.

Jaeyun felt the distance between you both panicking, he’s never felt you so far away and unreachable for him even though he knew the reason but his fear of rejection and possible failure was overpowering his logical idea of actually hearing your side and confessing his own thoughts, deciding alone for both of you that the best approach to this situation was not acknowledging it in the first place.

“It snowed yesterday, you know.” He pushed his coldly sweaty hands into the pocket of his sweatpants, he could unwillingly hear his heartbeat pounding in his ears, his frame was apprehensive as he kept switching his weight from one foot to another while awaiting for your answer, fearful from you declining his offer before he even finished off, “so.. wanna make snow angels?”

He let himself loose, letting go from all of his previous uncertainty and revealing a sweet smile when you finally turned around to face him, a ghost of a grin on your features that never failed to set his chest on fire and make his mind reel, a simple “okay.” had jaeyun was over the moon.

Even if Jaeyun was undeserving of your acceptance to his offer, even if this whole action will have a returning moment that will bite you both deeply but in that specific second the need to be wrapped in each other’s warmth surpassed any other feeling you both could have thought of.

And after minutes of being avoidant, hours of steering away from the unavowed storm of words that needed to be exchanged between your two souls to hopefully ignite some sort of hope for your love, after a day full of your eternal bliss in ignorance where you two played into the parts of loving partners that you had formed in your head that was far, way too far from your reality.

You found yourself tangled beneath the satin sheets, clad in your love’s shirt while he laid on his side to face you, every element surrounding you in this current atmosphere was a very clear display of love, of intimacy and devotion that circled the two of you.

With every intrusive thought of just how many times he’s been in this exact position with another woman that you pushed into the back of your head, your grip on his fingers tightened, it was almost driving you insane. The uncertainty and insecurity in your placement in his life was so evident for jaeyun in your actions, and it made his heart ache.

Further proving that he’s not the one for you, because of his undying need to comfort you and whisper his love for you in your ears to wash away all the bad voices in your head that were pushing you to believe that you were the complete opposite of what he saw.

Someone who deserved the utmost love the entire universe could be able to forge and give.

And out of nowhere, the forbidden three words craved their way onto his tongue, jaeyun’s heart leaped into his throat with the suddenly controlling urge to declare his love for you, his love that bursted inside of every vein of his and made his heart thunder between his ribs.

“I..” he unconsciously started, his tone a mere whisper that made your eyes widen, your fingers froze around him making him realise his own words, breath knocked out from his lungs at his own voice that was wavering. So full of emotion, carrying each and every ounce of combined fear and love that he held for you, there was no going back now, he thought.

“I lov—“ and his words were lost in the air, jaeyun was abruptly pulled away once again, vanishing from the other side of the bed and leaving no trace behind him, you sat up in shock at his unexpected disappearance, your chest rising and falling rapidly when he evanesced wholly.

The confusion only settled in a few moments later, why were you sitting on bed and searching for someone? And what was with the sinking and dreadful feeling in your stomach?

Before you could dwell in your turmoil further, a different scene of your memories started to play ahead, it was the day after.

「 and no matter how easy things could be if i did. 」

The scent of the blooming flowers of spring around the cafe distracted you from your friend’s disappointed gaze, her movements with the spoon that mixed the coffee with the cream halted before she cleared her throat, successfully garnering your attention and allowing you to see her dissatisfaction with your situation in only her eyes.

“How muc—“ “listen.” You cut her off, aware of the way that she was about to give you advice for the umpteenth time, to convince and coax you to leave, you felt used to it at this point. Her meaningful words failed to penetrate the wall you had built around yourself regarding anything that was related to jaeyun.

Her hope diminished further when she saw your tired eyes still overflowing with love, the neglect and exhaustion evident in your features, the lack of attention and reciprocation of love from jaeyun was crystal clear to your friend, she absolutely hated seeing you like this.

But she knew that Jaeyun had you wrapped around his finger, your heart drummed for him in a symphony created for only him. She knew that if your love was an ocean then you had drowned a long time ago.

The similarities between you two was almost frustrating for her, as if you both were created from the same soul blown into two different bodies, the love you held for each other heavy, intense and impactful yet you both cowered when faced with the mere possibilities of confession and rejection, far too afraid to lose one another and unaware of the fact that you both were slipping from between the other’s fingers.

“I know.” You whispered, voice barely audible beneath the chatter of everyone around you in the cafe, your heavy lidded eyes stayed on the cheesecake your friend convinced you to order as you felt no appetite, your stomach finding more comfort with the feeling of ache and longing than anything else.

“But I can’t do anything.” Your words broke towards the end, lowering your head in desperate attempt to hide away your glossy eyes from your friend that felt her heart shatter at your frail and weak frame, “I can’t force myself to not love him.” And before you broke down further, your friend’s arms wrapped around you and pulled you into her comfort.

And the feeling of her love and whispers calming you down and engulfing you settled a short moment of peace into your chest before your sight shifted into another memory.

The reminder of why you were here in the first place rang in your head when you finally entered the most dreaded one.

You didn’t want all of your happy memories to fill your being with sorrow, you didn’t want to grieve over a person who you saw everyday, he lived his life before your very own eyes, his every breath that called out to another girl, confessed his love to another woman whom you wished and hoped would become you one day matched with your every breath that called out to him.

Every day and every night your lips refused to not hold hope for his response, till the syllables of his own name tasted foreign on your tongue. they tasted bitter to you, not the familiar sweetness you felt when you had called out to him in the first few months of his delightful presence in your life.

The lightness you felt in you had turned into the constriction of your chest on you, the heavy weight atop your ribs felt as if they were pushing against your heart, punishing it for being so reckless and careless to fall in love with the only man you weren’t meant to be with.

Now each beat of your heart that you were convinced thundered for him, felt like hell breaking loose in between your veins, the burst of ecstasy and excitement had all dulled down to aches of anguish and despair.

And before you knew it, the rush of joy that ascended throughout your body had transformed to absolute misery.

Here you were again, in another painful memory. The mattress sank softly at your weight when you gathered the courage to face your love and your fear, though you weren’t quite sure when those two interlinked.

You knew love was never supposed to be fearful, the unblemished love your heart had held for the boy who had his back turned towards you on the bed was not supposed to frighten your mind with dread of the outcome of tonight.

Jaeyun was on the other side of the bed, huddled beneath the blanket as if using the fabric to protect himself from his surroundings, hiding away from the reality and the truth that awaited him with impatience, “jake..” you whispered, voice low as you tested the waters and longed for any sort of reaction from him.

Yet he remained stoic atop the sheets.

From your perspective, jaeyun appeared so close yet so far away and out of your reach, as the days passed by he pulled further from your grasp, backing away from the same hold that once brought comfort to his distraught conscience, as if the graze of your fingertips burned him.

And before you were able to realise it jaeyun was too far away, standing a large distance far from the circle that contained your warmth, where you stayed. Both of your beings were suddenly standing in a parallel line with no signs of interlacing in a messy circle once again.

You weren’t exactly sure when both of your hearts had gotten intertwined so awfully to one another, a tangled web forming between your ribs. Yet it seemed that whatever force connected the two appeared defenceless and weak when faced against the same force that was rapidly pushing your bodies and minds away from each other.

It appeared like the love that poured in every web and vein wasn’t enough to pull your soul against his own.

“We should talk.. we need to.” you breathed out, tone heavy as if you knew he was going to be quick to shut you out once again, but you weren’t sure if you were going to walk away for a safe amount of time before returning to him again this time.

Just how many times have you lived through this exact scenario? And how many times were you willing to do so?

“There’s nothing to talk about.” he replied through gritted teeth, closing his eyes once he felt the familiar burn around his iris, and there it was. the same answer you had memorised yet so desperately tried to forget, it left a bittersweet feeling to your moment, you were expecting it and the melancholy of hearing it again settled into your emotions.

Instinctively, you turned your head towards him. Your eyes tracing every tense muscle beneath his shirt, the rigidness of his shoulders as he appeared uncomfortable in his own room and god was the thought a punch to your gut when the possibility of your presence making him uneasy crawled its way into your brain.

And the guilt returned to your system immediately, “i’m sorry.” you spoke, words dragged from your strained and tightened throat as you desperately wanted to sprint into the bathroom before a sob fell from your lips. You felt pathetic, really. His coldness and curt replies never affected you as much as this one, maybe it was because you knew this was going to be your last attempt.

With your eyes unfocused on your surroundings, your feet pushed the door of the bathroom behind you before you leaned onto the wall for strength. And unbeknownst to you, jaeyun finally let out a shaky breath fall from between his bruised and bitten lips, allowing all the tears to spill past his skin, the same skin you so lovingly kissed just a few months ago, and now the mere thought of your lips against him was shredding his own emotions apart.

Jaeyun knew that with every harsh word he spoke, he was also single-handedly ripping apart every web between your hearts.

The pale blue moonlight illuminated the room, landing directly on the empty spot in the middle of the bed, as if asking for one of your tense bodies to move towards one another, yet both of you remained with your backs against eachother. Jaeyun was slowly counting the seconds, he knew the exact amount of minutes it took you to fall asleep by now as he had repeated the same routine every night, except this time your breathing was taking longer to deepen than it was supposed to.

That was until he heard a quiet sniffle ring in his ears.

He froze atop the cold sheets, the sound echoing in his mind as if it was tormenting him, the blame and guilt instantly rooting themselves deep in his stomach and extending their branches far in his body, planting themselves fully in his lungs till the point he couldn’t breathe, his breaths turning shallow the more sniffles and quiet cries of heartbreak reached his ears.

The sweat around his palms turned icy, his own body betraying him as he remained paralysed beneath the blanket, his heart screamed at him to go, to move for good for once, fingers itching to turn around and wrap your shaky figure in his hold, to protect you from the demons that were tormenting you both endlessly, yet he couldn’t move.

The louder his heart drummed in his chest to move, the sterner his mind reminded him of how much he deserved this, after all those months of neglect who did he think he was to suddenly switch and turn back towards you? After all those steps he took away from you, how dare he even think of walking back on the same footsteps?

And so he stayed. His body stoic in fear of moving an inch.

He breathed out his first deep breath when he realised that you stopped, when you finally fell asleep and he was able to move and breathe again. Jaeyun wasted no time in getting up from his side of the bed, his feet felt cold against the floor, each step he took towards your side felt heavy on his heart, countless pangs of guilt arrowing themselves directly across his chest at the sight of your sleeping frame hugging the blanket close to you.

The closer the walked towards you, the more he felt the torturous sting in his eyes, he gulped the moment his rigid frame made contact with your blanket, sitting down right next to your small frame. And as he took in the features of your face that he so dearly loved he felt his soul hurting further.

He noticed all the glimmering streaks of tears that aligned your skin, your wet eyelashes that carried and held onto smaller droplets of your pain, the soft redness tainting the tip of your nose matching your cheeks, the longer he stared at you the worse his hands ached to hold you against him.

The comfort of your aura around him had stayed the same, your mere existence around him felt tenderly welcoming to him. The presence that felt like the manifestation of a hug from the whole universe, the warmth that was carefully picked from every star in the galaxy was all provided to him by the heavens in the form of you.

Yet his presence had changed. It had matched yours in the beginning, the presence that was a combination of all galactic bodies, the mere light of his aura challenged the light of the sun and all the stars combined, a glow so bright that rivalled the brilliance of every heavenly titan, he was otherworldly. he was your sunshine.

And now the warmth of the sun had dulled, dissolved into the shell of what he used to be, you thought that maybe each light had its own darkness since even the moon had its own dark side that it was ashamed of turning to show.

His fingertips landed against your soft skin, the disappearance of the coldness from his body the moment it made contact with yours made him melt in front of your sleeping form, and he allowed himself for once to sob all of his pain out.

“I’m sorry..” he whispered, voice breaking as he attempted to convey his emotions once they intensified by the seconds, his misery streaming down his face, “I’m so sorry..” he repeated, the heaviness in his heart worsening at the sight of his tears dripping down onto your blanket, his pain surrounding you once again.

“I wish—“ he gasped for breath, his insides shattering apart the longer he spent next to your frame, “I wish you hated me, so much.” He finally breathed out, his heart stinging with each word, sight blurring further as more tears fell past his cheeks.

“You don’t deserve me, my love.” Jaeyun smiled sadly at your sleeping form, the thought of you receiving the same kind and brave love that you felt for him brought a short-lived happiness to him, he knew he was incapable of reciprocating the adoration that filled you whole because of him.

Jaeyun was scared the second he realised that you had handed your heart over to his hands, he knew his bravery wouldn’t hold enough power to clench his fingertips around your fragile heart, resulting in the delicate and weak item to slip out of his fingers and shatter like countless pieces of glass on the floor.

How he wished he had the courage to love you the same way you loved him, to adore you the same way you adored him, to run back into your warm circle and keep you hidden and protected in his embrace till the end of times, yet he was incapable. His fears and doubts eating away at all the potentials that existed in your heart.

“But I don’t want you to not love me either.” He cried quietly, the thought of you receiving the same love you deserved from someone else destroyed him completely, the visualisation of you smiling the same way you do with him to another man had his hands springing upwards from your skin to grip onto his hair, paining himself in hopes of the torturous image dissipating from his mind.

“I’m sorry,” he repeated once again, his eyes stinging at the continuous hurt his body had bottled up and just got the courage to spill, Jaeyun knew he wasn’t brave enough to show and confess his love to you the way you had done for him, and that fact tugged further on his heartstrings.

The rational part of him hoped aimlessly for a day to arrive where you would realise your worth, realise that jaeyun was still being eaten alive with his fear and doubts and guilt all at the same time, his love for you was overflowing yet he hid each and every bit of it so well.

He knew you deserved better, his rational part always tormenting him with his unworthiness and pushing him further away from you, yet his heart— god his heart couldn’t possibly handle the simple thought of you being away from him.

It was his weak side that still clutched you against him so tightly, the side that was fully and wholly controlled by his emotions that were feral for you, the part of him that desperately ignored all warnings and reminders of his logical side.

Deep down, you knew you and jaeyun were never meant to be. The difference between you and him was vast, similar to the difference of the sand and the ocean, the land and the sky, the moon and the sun. Both parts completing each other while repelling one another at the same time.

You two were never meant to intertwine in the first place.

And even if Jaeyun was finally ready to push every pearl and grain of sand into the ocean, to make the sky fall atop the land and to alter the moon and the sun’s planes’ into a permanent eclipse, it was way too late.

For by the time he wakes up, he won’t even be able to remember you.

The metal pieces on your temples glowed green, indicating another opening for a memory for you, a few days after your despair with jaeyun, where he finally collected all the dispersed courage from his head and went out of his way to make it up to you, inevitably wrapping you both further into his unhealthy cycle of messing up and redeeming himself.

Disregarding the fact that both of your hearts can only take so much. After so much heartbreak and neglect to the core of your soul that only held passion and love towards him, it was bound to give up on trying one day. But you were still loving him. And jaeyun ignored all the voices in his head when they began to claim that your unreciprocated love can’t last that long. Because Jaeyun believed in you.

And maybe it was blinded belief, blurred with his own hope that contained to bloom in his chest, his hope to fix and repair himself as soon as possible so he can present himself to you wholly, even if his time was running thin, even if he didn’t believe in himself, he still found comfort in the small amount of optimism that maybe he can bring the version of him that you adored in your to life.

You both knew that you fell in love with a side of him that he was too afraid to share, too doubtful to uncover and give himself and his most vulnerable parts to, and he knew that he had imprinted himself onto your mind, tattooed his presence onto your heart and he could say that the same implied to himself, it was only a matter of time.

But Jaeyun didn’t know that the longer he was taking to mend himself, he was breaking you further. Just how much longer were you supposed to wait for him to walk back and finally engulf you in his arms again? How much longer was he expecting you to wait while he cured himself? How much longer were you supposed to wait for his love? Unmindful of the way that you, yourself needed to heal as well.

Yet here you were, hand laced with jaeyun’s as he pulled you towards the dining room in the house, his excited giggles rang throughout the walls before the sound got trapped in your head and repeated continuously, your legs moved you in front of the table where a small chocolate cake was placed with three candles atop the icing.

“I made t—“ he started off before he felt your puppy’s fur graze his leg and cut his words, “me and layla made this for you.” He corrected himself, you were still facing the glowing cake with your oh so gentle gaze that never failed to make jaeyun sigh lovingly besides you, “happy birthday, my love.” He whispered, each word knitted with his undying devotion for you, and you felt it. Which made you love him further.

“Thank you, Jaeyun.” You replied, the room suddenly blurred from around you as your only focus was back to him again, to jaeyun’s charming smile and twinkling eyes when you finally faced him, the soft golden burn from the candles made him glow beautifully for you, with his closeness to your body and his fingers still intertwined with yours, you felt yourself falling in love with him all over again.

And jaeyun felt the same, your grateful grin as all of your features softened when your gaze met his made his heart melt into a puddle in his chest, the familiar electricity buzzed between both of your frames, the small glimmer of hope became a fired storm that lit and roared more when the two of you only seemed to get further lost in each other’s presence.

With jaeyun’s face inches away from yours, his arms reached to wrap around your waist, swiftly lifting and placing you on the wooden table next to the cake, the surprised gasp that fell past your lips made him chuckle, his hands then lowered to rest on your thighs, “make a wish, sweetheart.” He spoke, you could feel each flutter of his eyelashes against your skin as he held you close to him.

His slow breath that brushed against your collarbones when he pressed his forehead against yours, both of you closing your eyes to drown completely in this moment, dedicating your mind, body and heart in the close and comfortable warmth of one another that your souls craved for so deeply and desperately, the need clawing away at your heart and finally settling once your hand moved onto his chest, settling above his ribs. You almost melted against him when you felt the rapid thumping of his heart beneath your fingertips.

He moved his head into the crook of your neck, a sudden drowsiness creeping through him as he felt so safe and shielded with you so close to him, you didn’t feel as far and cold from him like you usually do, and that thought brought so much peace to his mind for the first time in months.

And so you breathed his scent deeply, surrounding yourself further in him as you made a wish where you weren’t asking for too much, just for jaeyun’s love.

“Blow them out.” He lifted himself away from you, his fingers ghosting against your legs while he smiled encouragingly at you, both of your eyes seemed glossier with the light of the candles casting down on them.

“Do it with me.” You requested with your tone fragile and careful. jaeyun’s widened, his eyes turning into crescents as he looked at you tenderly. He nodded making you turn your head towards the candles, the slight warmth provided by the small fire lead shivers to run down your spine before you both leaned down and blew on the candles together.

And right when you turned back to face jaeyun with a grin, you were left alone next to the chocolate cake, the cold air jabbing at your skin while your eyes uncontrollably sought for the sight of anyone, you could’ve sworn you felt warm hands on your thighs, but there was no one else in the room other than you and layla.

Where did this cake come from? And why were you not able to remember who made this cake?

「 i waited for your love. 」

All at once, the machine glitched. Losing its track on the map of your mind when the lights around your temples glowed scarlet, indicating the loss of the connection, the interlink pausing for a brief second when a sob wrecked through your body when you remembered the memory you were about to erase.

The nurse’s rushed movements to carefully pat your cheeks that were dampened with your tears were useless against your gut wrenching cries, a rush of emotions that raged in your chest before they fell through your eyes, like a dam shattering apart as the waterfalls streamed down your face and separated from your chin to land on your lap, gradually dampening the fabric.

“Please keep t-this one.” You whimpered, each word falling apart as your voice quietened slowly, your hands reaching to clasp around the necklace that graced your chest, the small piece of pine almost penetrating your skin with its sharp edges the tighter you held it when you opened your blurry eyes to the sight of the doctor and the nurse gazing at you warily, the sorrow was shared in the room as their sympathy towards you was clear in the windows of their eyes.

The woman’s warm hands gently held onto your shaking shoulder while you begged and sobbed with the machine glitching to please keep this upcoming memory, you felt helpless. More parts of your love, of your heart being ripped away from you were finally catching up to you and god was the pain absolutely unbearable.

Was this the punishment one had to pay for the innocent act of falling in love with sim jaeyun?

Words and voices became blurred and intangible from around you, the apologies from the nurse and the doctor never fully processing in your mind as the sorrowful memory had started to play ahead of your eyes with no help from the machine.

Your last whispers were to keep this memory, to leave the memory so you can hold onto the final and most precious piece of sim jaeyun that you got to see and experience first hand, the moment where your adoration and devotion towards the boy was solidified, before the pieces returned to glow in thier emerald hue and the device relinked.

Your head ached with the continuous tears flowing down your face when the memory of you and jaeyun sitting next to each other on the couch unfolded, his fingertips ghosted on your skin, dancing around and drawing shapes and words only he knew the meaning behind while he held you close to him, the inexplicable need and desire to hold you near took a hold of him, and you understood it.

You and jaeyun understood one another beyond the boundaries others deemed possible, you understood his soul so well, his soul that was crafted from a language so intricate and delicate and you were fluent in it. And when faced with the opposite situation of him knowing your soul, he flowed in every crack and crevice of your being easily.

his presence had seeped its way throughout all of your walls that you spent day and night building, growing rapidly all over your walls like vines before breaking them all one by one, till he rooted himself in a great spot, deep in your heart.

If possible, he knew your soul better than he knew his own. But the disagreement of your minds overpowered the link between your hearts and unraveled your tangled souls from one another.

And maybe your mastery in his language was the dawn for the demise of your sweet, innocent love. Because you hated that you could tell how fidgety and anxious jaeyun was around you in this current moment.

“Is something wrong?” You finally had the bravery to voice out, worry worsening when you felt his movements freeze. He cleared his throat before sighing, pulling himself slightly away from you to stare into your eyes.

You felt time slowing around you when you saw his glossy gaze, sim Jaeyun looked breathtaking with the amount of emotions that swirled in his eyes, an amount you couldn’t even begin to fathom or comprehend, you felt yourself gradually losing yourself the longer both of you drowned on the other’s presence, the atmosphere then carried a great sense of doom that both of you decided to ignore.

Too scared to face the results of your avoidance.

“I have a gift for you.” Jaeyun breathed out, the weight that he dragged on his shoulders became heavier when he continued his typical routine of ignorance, of running away from the problem in every possible direction even if they led him to the most tragic path.

Nodding to encourage him, you pursed your lips in anticipation, excitement sparking slowly when you finally pushed away every anxious thought of what could be possibly bothering jaeyun, his hands reached towards his pocket where he pulled a box, your eyes widening when— “I’m not proposing!” He quickly blurted out once he caught your shocked expression, “it’s just— a special gift.” He blushed making you tilt your head in confusion, unknowingly deepening the blush on his face.

“Here.” He handed you the white velvety box, your fingers brushed against the fabric one final time before opening the lid and god you’ve never felt so many conflicted emotions all at once.

The intense vehemence and hurricane of feelings swirling around your heart and chest uncoordinatedly lead the device unable to keep up with the contrast between your happiness in the memory and the sheer ache that you were facing in the current time.

Like the tides of an ocean, your regret washed down on you. Intensifying as if the waves were battling with a storm, escalating the worse the strikes of the thunder became with the time. How were you supposed to forget about him?

“Why are you crying?” His voice was weak, lips quivering in panic of you repelling his gift, hating the small pine cone necklace that adorned the box in your hands, “what?” You asked, confusion laced in your voice, you were over the moon why would you be crying?

You fingertips left the soft pine cone pendant to touch your face, flinching when feeling the small tear drop on the pad of your finger, you never cried in this memory.

“Please calm her down, her emotions are disrupting the memory.” You heard the muffled voice of the doctor followed by the panicked and comforting whispers of the nurse in your ear, whispered promises of living in peace and finding happiness barely reached your mind when you were wiping away your happiness yourself right now.

“Let me help you put it on.” Jaeyun proposed, smiling softly when you nodded and turned around after handing him the necklace, Jaeyun chanted words of reassurance in his head in hopes of calming his shaking fingers that burned when they brushed against your skin, clasping the necklace for the first and final time around your chest, he felt happiness and pride blooming in his heart at the satisfaction of having a piece of himself around you at all times.

“Turn around so I can see you, pretty.” He leaned in and whispered into your ear, his smile widening when you chuckled at his words and turned around.

But why was there no one behind when you turned?

Gasping through your tears with the pieces glowing crimson around your temples, you searched through the blurry figures of white coats and stethoscopes for a different one, though unknown to you who exactly you were searching for, your eyes still raced through every corner of the room.

“Please calm down, miss.” The nurse reassured, pushing the device back onto your temples when you still weakly looked around, too exhausted to respond or fight for your belief that someone is supposed to be here for you, “we’re one final memory away.” You heard the doctor talk before breathing a shaky breath in and taking your final trip to your memory lane.

“I’ll return before night, love.” Jaeyun shouted from the door, hoping that you weren’t able to hear his wavering voice when he left you on the only day you asked for him to stay, but after all of your attempts and requests to get him to stay were unsuccessful, you stayed in the room with your puppy as you waited for her father.

And what was supposed to be two hours became three, what became three turned into the evening, and here you were with your back leaning against the door Jaeyun walked out from when it’s past midnight, Layla’s figure quickly found your own crouched one, arms wrapped around your knees to allow the sleeves of your shirt to catch your tears when the thunder struck for the nth time that night, the night that Jaeyun didn’t return.

Your chest felt empty, as if your heart had been ripped and now the cold air passing through the void of where you used to hold a blinding love made goosebumps align like constellations along your skin, you felt hollow.

“I don’t know how much longer I can do this, baby.” You cried to layla who’s ears only lowered, if it wasn’t for the poor lighting in the hallway you would’ve been able to also see her own glossy and hurt filled eyes at the sight of you, “I’m sorry, I couldn’t make him love me.” You turned your head from her silhouette. Shame, humiliation and heartache overflowing you entirely as you sobbed behind the same door jaeyun was leaning against.

He stood there with his frame freezing from the cold, another night of him not being able to tell the difference between the rain droplets falling from his hair and his own salty tears as he allowed the guilt to eat him up from the inside out, not having the heart to possibly open the door and greet the view of a heartbroken you.

He had seen the sight of your tired eyes too many times, and knowing that he himself was the root of the pain made the heartache devour him whole, so he slid down onto the wet floor beneath him with his back towards the door, chuckling tearfully at his own patheticness.

If only he had the bravery to free fall into the sweet and accepting love that bloomed between the two of you like you had, maybe he would’ve been on the other side of the door to engulf you in his arms and console you.

But who was he kidding, he’s the same guy that couldn’t handle the responsibility of your pure heart and distracted himself with other women, surrounding himself with different fragrances and lipstick prints all when the lady of his heart was always within arm’s reach.

He wished he had moulded himself back into the version of him that you met, the loving and easygoing Jake that gazed at you with stars in his eyes, but the damage had already been done. There was no turning back now.

Especially not when you finally opened your eyes fully to the blinding light in the room, the soft blue light being sighted in your peripheral vision, indicating the completion and the success of the operation.

Elation sparked in your body, gradually burning into a small fire when you couldn’t remember anything.

“How are you feeling, miss?” The nurse asked, a hopeful smile gracing her features while she gazed at a confused you taking in your surroundings as if it was your first time, “weirdly.. light?” The doctor chuckled at your words, “the operation was a success.” He spoke before grinning pridefully at his triumph.

“You did amazing, miss.” The nurse praised as she helped you to stand on your own feet with no heavy weight on your shoulders for the first time in months, discarding the metal pieces before shaking your hands, words of gratitude and wishes for a healthy and happy life were exchanged before you finally walked out of the door belonging to the office, taking your first strives with no burden or guilt surrounding you as if you were floating.

Oblivious of the knowledge that Jaeyun woke up with a headache on the other side of the city, the back of his head pounding with him barely able to register Layla’s worried coos, unable to fully open his eyes and lifting his hand to rub the sleep away before— wait was he crying?

The young boy stared at his hand that shined with his tears in confusion, why was he crying? He tried to remember if he had seen a nightmare, a dream, anything— only to reach no answer.

“Hey pretty, don’t worry about me it was probably a dream.” He decided on comforting his puppy that only cooed sadly, his hand reaching forward to pet her fur while the other reached into his pocket to retrieve his phone when it brushed against a foreign object.

Jaeyun’s eyebrows furrowed when he pulled out a small box from his pocket, the item resembling a weirdly intimate small box, he opened it to reveal a beautiful ring— a promise ring. embroidered with a bunch of small diamonds around the silver lining, his confusion deepening when he had absolutely no clue of who this ring could possibly belong to.

He searched the inside for any sort of engraving to no avail, “who was this for..?” He whispered to layla who deflated further into the floor, sadness overflowing from her eyes at the defeat and loss of her friend.

And at the end, you and jaeyun’s tragic love story became encapsulated into a small forgotten star in the vast, wide and endless sky.

Already opening new opportunities and doors for different stories to be woven into your lives, you finally met up with the guy your friend had set you up with, and you knew the decision of trusting her taste was successful when a tall, doe eyed guy showed up to your table.

“Hello, my name is heeseung.” He smiled sweetly, his warm aura welcoming and pulling you in completely, unknown to you that this was just the beginning of your story with the love of your life, both of you getting lost in tangled conversations filled with questions and your interests, unaware of the different couple passing outside of the window.

“Wait so jungwon scored right?” Jake laughed, engrossed in the story of how his best friend almost ended up in the hospital, “after making riki trip, yes.” The girl besides him chuckled when Jake threw his head back in laughter, without noticing how his puppy stood outside of a cafe window, layla was no longer following him and instead she seemed to gaze intensely into the window.

Her tail swishing in excitement and joy when she spotted your figure sitting on one of the chairs, accompanied by a man that wasn’t afraid to wrap his arm around your shoulder while you laughed at his words.

Both you and Jake blind to the sight of the conflicted puppy who’s head only swished on both of your distant figures with two different people around you now before walking away with a heavy heart in jaeyun’s direction.

Maybe you and Jaeyun were never meant to successfully intertwine.

— fin

a,note. this feels so weird to share now because this is my first ever heavy angst filled work that’s also very emotionally connected to me in a way, first of all thank you ariana for releasing album of the year and inspiring me to write this, if you haven’t listened to eternal sunshine please so as soon as possible.

second i’d like to share how somewhat uncomfortable it is for me to share this as i had to take a lot of breaks throughout writing it (i’m an emotional b word pls) and also there were alot of moments that were inspired by my closest friendships / emotional experiences so i really feel like im sharing some sort of part of myself with this as well, but either way i hope u enjoyed reading this !! i love u layla and i’m sorry :(

#stella the writer u are HOLY SHIT !!!!!!#don’t mind me i will just be binge reading all ur works as we’re speaking :3 #this was phenomenal in every possible way #like the way u manage to capture emotions and describe them so beautifully yet accurately is so admirable #like this absolutely gutted me and i love it 😭😭 sounds kinda depressing but yeah </3 #kafka’s recommendation <3

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