been feeling like sandy cheeks from spongebob out here in tucson lately but i'm still gonna try to make the best of the remaining time in this place.

seeing this made me both happy and sad. i 100% know what this feels like because of past experiences, but for the first time in my life, i'm in a relationship where i know the attachment is equal ✨

extremists

at any end of any issue are just fucking annoying. there are grey areas to everything and if you can’t see that then you’re just as closed minded as the people you oppose. 

2spooky4u

real home sick tonight. the lil home icon over bayonne got me right in the feels. 😔

I reached the low point of placing an ad in the "strictly platonic" personal section of craigslist. Lol. Who even am I anymore? On a brighter note, having no friends has created time for me to do more "art" shit. I've included some recent stuff here 🙃

I came across your page today and I've read what you've written. I hope everything is going well and I know we were never good friends but I hope Arizona is great :) kind of jealous of you, I've always wanted to just leave with someone I truly care about. Xoxo

Thank you! That means a lot (: things are going well for the most part. The one, huge downside is that I miss my friends and all things familiar. My bf & i finally have our own place now which helps a lot, but it sucks not having someone to just hit up & hang out with. It's only been a month tho, so I'm hoping that will change soon. 💖✌🏻️

So obviously I quickly became super lazy with updating this blog. More like I’ve just been too overwhelmed. The past 10 days have consisted of what feels like a billion job interviews, apartment hunting, and extreme emotional highs and lows.

I’m still trying to cope with the fact that this place is my “home” now. I miss my friends, I miss New Jersey & NYC, and I miss not seeing people wearing cowboy hats. I mean, they’re not like the hicks I used to encounter during my brief bout of Pennsylvania life. They’re just weird, desert people…This is the southwest after all. How was my perfect boyfriend spawned from this place?! Where there is still an abundance of people wearing parachute pants?! To be fair, those people aren’t floating around in the downtown area but, fffuuuckkkk, what was I thinking?!

No, no, this is going to be okay… I’m gathering life experiences… Yes. Growing as a person… ANYWAY…!

I did end up passing that drug test! If anyone is in a similar bind, hit up some Ultra Klean Ultra Mask. Works great, but still ended up being a waste of money for me since I didn’t even take the call center job. Out of the seven interviews I did (1 call center, 4 cafes, 1 hotel, 1 cute little market), I was offered the job for all but one. I ended up taking a job at a downtown cafe. No surprise there!… It’s definitely not what I’m used to but I’m adjusting.

Zach and I also signed the lease to a place! It’s downtown and only a 20 min walk/5 min bike ride to my job. It’s an adorable duplex with a dishwasher, a washer/dryer and even a little fenced in yard. Woohoo! We move in December 1 and Zach should start his new job at Urban Outfitters shortly before that. He’ll start as the Women’s Dept. manager and hopefully move up to Visuals Dept. I love when my boyfriend can pick out my outfits better than I can. Heheheh. Looking forward to that discount!~

So in short, everything but my sanity is coming together. Hopefully soon I can stop crying every time we try to go out. Later y'allz! Happy Friday the 13th! ✶ * ⋆ .

Nov 3/ day 3

Last night Zach and I were on craigslist looking at apartments in the downtown area, close to our potential jobs and U of A. It blows my mind how you can get a nice place with a washer and dryer in prime location for less than $700/month here. We replied to a few ads just for the hell of it and this morning, one replied prompting us to call and make an appointment to view it. We’re set for 4 pm tomorrow which will be shortly after our interviews. We may not be ready to commit to a place yet but it’s still exciting. I’m super hopeful that everything will go well tomorrow for both of us. Even tho I kind of have the call center job, I would much rather get this job at the cafe. In addition to that possibility, another cafe in the downtown area emailed me back today and I have an interview with them on Thursday! So now, just as I’d hoped for, the call center is just something to fall back on… In the event that I pass my drug test. Which I just completed about 45 minutes ago.

Earlier today, around 1 pm, I ingested 25 ounces of a syrupy blue, super artificial tasting “cleanse” drink, followed by 25 ounces of water 15 minutes later as the directions called for. It promised that it would provide clean results within the 5 hours following or a 500% money back guarantee (5x the cost of the cleanse). All you have to do in the event of a failure is send in the failed test report, your receipt, and UPC code from the bottle.

After forcing 50 ounces of liquid down my throat, Zach and I went for Chinese food with a friend of his, and afterwards to the testing center. By the time I had peed in the little plastic cup it was 4:50. I was becoming super nervous as I approached the 4 hour mark and my window of clean piss time was closing. I assume it will be a few days before I know anything for sure so all I can do is wait and be optimistic about the other 2 interviews. I want those more anyway, and at worst, I should at least receive $100 from the cleanse people if their money back guarantee isn’t B.S.

I’ve decided to keep updating this tumblr with entries regarding my recent move across the country. Something to keep me occupied and motivated. I know a lot of these entries may come off as melancholy, but I actually wanted to make this move. I think it’s important to try new things and leave your comfort zone in life. You never know what you’ll find in new places. So I did it. October 31st, 2015 was the day that I moved with my boyfriend of a year and a half across the country to a place he is much more familiar with than me. I left behind all of my friends and everything I’ve ever known. An evening flight out of Newark airport landed us in the modest city of Tucson, AZ at 9:45 p.m. While everyone I knew was out celebrating Halloween, I was laying in bed at my boyfriend’s mom’s house crying myself to sleep as he tried to comfort me.

Nov 1/day 1(.5):

After over 25 years of living in the New York City metro area, I’ve moved to Tucson, AZ with my boyfriend, Zach, who is a native of this pseudo-city. I didn’t go into it blindly. I’ve been here with him for vacation before, twice. I thoroughly enjoyed it both times, but that may be due to the fact that it was meant to be an enjoyable experience, as most vacations are.

Most people close to me would probably say that I’m a pessimist by nature, but I prefer to think of myself as a hardcore realist. I’m terrified that I won’t find a job, I’ll deplete all my funds, and compromise my relationship. Obviously that would be the shitty end of the stick, but they are all very plausible possibilities. I have an interview tomorrow for a job that I’m less than thrilled about, an incoming customer call center for Verizon; but at least it’s something. Also, I’ll have to by some miracle pass a drug test (I’m not a junkie, I just enjoy the sleeping aid of Mary Jane). Zach’s friends have assured me that if I pick up this cleanse stuff, I’ll be golden since it’s worked for them and other friends of theirs.

It’s later in the evening and we’re at one of Zach’s friend’s place drinking wine with a small group, most of whom I’ve met before and I’m actually pretty fond of. They’re all talking but I have nothing to say. I’ve chilled with them during our prior vacations and had great times but tonight is different. I feel alone, distressed and exhausted from jet lag since our flight got in late last night. My stomach feels like shit from constant anxiety and nerves. Zach’s friends finally give us a ride back to Zach’s mom’s and we stop on the way for a late night fast food burrito. We arrive at our destination, I devour half of it and pass out.

Nov 2/ day 2:

I wake up around 6 am since I am still on New York time. I instantly panic because I’m not yet used to waking up in this room. I replay all of the distressing dreams I had the night before, all of which took place in my native northeast. I look over to my left and know that Zach won’t be awake for at least a few hours. I reply to every job listing on Craigslist that I am even remotely qualified for and eventually drift back to sleep. I wake up again a couple hours later to no emails in my inbox. I shower and prepare myself for this lame interview in the afternoon. Before we head out, I check my email for the millionth time and see that I’ve finally received a response for a job I actually want and have experience with. It’s a cafe in downtown Tucson, which is the bustling, hip part of the city we ultimately want to live in once we’ve got our shit together. My interview is set for Wednesday the 4th, the same day Zach has his interview for a merchandiser at Urban Outfitters only a few blocks from the cafe, and I’m finally feeling a bit more optimistic.

Zach and I take the bus together to get to the call center interview. He’s actually worked there before so he knows the deal. The buses in Tucson are occupied with riders who Zach describes as “gutter trash” and I can’t disagree with him. The bus does its job tho, and we arrive a short walk away from my destination. Zach waits for me in a nearby shopping center. I take some tedious, monotonous assessment which takes about an hour. Afterwards, they offer me the job which pays pretty decent for this area and they hand me the paperwork regarding the piss test that I have to take within 48 hours. My background check should go through within 2 weeks, and provided I pass the drug test, I’ll start then.

Zach and I go to a smoke shop to pick up the alleged miracle cleanse and then to In and Out to celebrate. My mood reaches the utmost peak it has in days.

all i want in liife rn is to find inspiration for my career and to find a girl bff who's schedule lines up with mine so that we can do butt workouts together. sigh...

💭🌵⁉️

so, i decided to take on the task of going through 2 enormous boxes of old papers & random other stuff that i’ve accumulated over the past uhhh… 20 years of my life. mainly because my mom saves EVERYTHING and she dropped the boxes off to me about 3 years ago or so… it was hard, but i ended up throwing away about 85% of it…. old notebooks, school papers, notes from old friends, ancient birthday cards, drawings, some photos even…. just makes me wonder: WHERE DID THE TIME GO?! feeling super melancholy and nostalgic. kinda wanna cry. on another note though, mixed in with all of this old stuff, i found a piece of copper encased in glass and on it, it says “arizona, copper capital of the world”, which is weird; because prior to this past october, i’d never been to arizona, and i most def did not buy that. i’m sure it’s an old souvenir of my mom’s or something that got mixed in with my stuff, but still… that’s where zach is from & that’s where we’re (planning on) moving to in a very short time from now, hence why i started going through all my old shit. so, i like to think that finding it now is some type of sign in the midst of all the bittersweet & overwhelming emotions i’m feeling right now.

don’t follow my blog if you’re a sensitive little bitch

THERE ARE A COUPLE OF THINGS THAT I FEEL THE NEED TO RANT ABOUT RIGHT NOW, SO I’M GOING TO DO IT!!!!!! FIRST OFF, WHYYYY WHHHYYY WHHHHYYYYYYY do people give a fucking shit about “beef” between celebrities? why do people give a shit about celebrities’ personal lives at all?!? like, holy shit, you’re all just pathetic, tiny little people obsessing over some puppet asshole who is instructed to act a certain way and say certain things in order to send you mindless fucks into a social media frenzy over it. “omfg guyz, nicki is like, so bad. she called miley out for talking shit omfg omg omfffggg *POSTS MEME* *POSTS MEME* *POSTS MEME*” i didn’t even have to watch a single second of the VMAS (thank the universe) to know that that is what happened. the disgusting, vile, mainstream media garbage is spewed out at us from every direction, every fucking day. READ A FUCKING BOOK, LISTEN TO SOME MUSIC THAT ISN’T PLAYED 100X A DAY ON A TOP 40 POP RADIO STATION!!!!!!!!! FORM SOME OF YOUR OWN OPINIONS!!!!!!!!

SECOND, i am so so so so tired of seeing SO MUCH prejudiced/ racist driven hatred on the internet! FROM ALL SIDES OF THE SPECTRUM! i totally empathize with the fact and recognize that minorities are treated unfairly compared to white people. i think it SUCKS, i think it’s WRONG, and IT NEEDS TO BE ACKNOWLEDGED AND CORRECTED; but WE, AS A HUMAN RACE, NEED TO STAND TOGETHER AND PUT AN END TO ALL OF THE BULLSHIT INSTEAD OF CONCENTRATING ON OUR DIFFERENCES. Hating all white people and viewing them all as evil, racist church-shooters is just as terrible as hating all arab people and viewing them as jihadist suicide bombers. this mentality is setting us ALL 1000 steps backwards. i also think, that ALL PEOPLE (REGARDLESS OF THEIR RACE), who judge other people’s character based solely off of the color of their skin or other physical traits should be shipped off to a desert island where the only way they can escape is to learn to work together, coexist, and accept each other... but that is obviously just a dream. 

thinking about this stuff makes me feel physically ill. like, my stomach hurts. it’s time for me to smoke and go the fuck to sleep. 

one of the reasons we are (very likely) leaving the nyc area

A Little girl, 3 yrs. old picked up by a man driving a gray car, license plate: Quebec 72B 381. Canada. Reblog this. It could save her. The Kidnapping is recent so do it, 3 seconds will not kill you. If it were your child .