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estelgail · 3 years

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CMBYN has the kind of beauty that makes you ache. That’s why we aren’t able to move on from it.

My thoughts on Oliver and why he’s the reason Call Me By Your Name is so painful.

Hey guys welcome to my Ted Talk. I could write a separate book about it, but I’ll try to be as brief as possible. Bear with me, that’s Oliverology 101.

First things first, the book confirms that Oliver was just shy as hell. He was 24 and has probably never felt anything for a man before in his life, so when he meets Elio and starts to feel SOMETHING towards him, he’s just scared shitless and continues to hide himself even though he KNEW Elio feels something too from the very beginning (vide: the book, when Oliver says he knew since Elio blushed during like 1st week of his stay). A few other examples:

When he touches Elio’s shoulder and instantly backs off because he’s scared he’d damage him somehow.

Just before their first midnight balcony meeting he smokes weed because he doesn’t know how to chill the hell out – it’s been underlined in the book, but you can also see that joint it in the film.

The thing that kills me the most – his “I want to be good” by the Monet’s berm – it reprises after their farewell, when Elio’s father says “he [Oliver] was good, and you also are good”. Honestly, it broke me. Oliver was like a son (son-in-law) to Professor, who was more understanding than his own father, who - as Oliver said once – would’ve probably sent him straight to the correction centre.

The Bergamo (or Rome, in the book) trip is the beautiful exclamation of their love for each other. Everything seems so simple and, by Oliver’s happiness you can suspect he feels completely free and in harmony with himself – he might even consider that things could stay like that if he’d stay in Italy forever. You can see his pain only in the last frame before the railway station scene – when Elio is sleeping and Oliver, while watching him, tries to grasp the fact, that this is their last, very last time together on these terms.

And now, to the most important part that’s been omitted in the film – the epilogue after Oliver leaves.

When he comes back for Christmas, engaged, he is trying to cut all ties with Elio because he feels it’s wrong - he KNOWS he will never be able to lead the life the way he’d want to - because of how he was raised, because of his job, because of where he lives. And this is so heart-breaking by you just know he’s hurting. That scene where he lies on the bed with Elio and the

“I can’t

but I can

but I CAN’T”

dialogue happens??? He knows Elio’s background is so much more liberal and I bet my ass he’s painfully jealous about it - because Elio got a literal blessing from his father to live his life as he wishes, and Oliver just can’t.

Then, their phone call 5 years later, when Elio is so sure Oliver’s forgotten – he hasn’t, his voice breaks over the phone because he’s with his sons and he feels like he can’t go any further talking to Elio.

And then they meet at the university after 15 years. At first Oliver doesn’t recognize him (or he doesn’t want to, which is also possible), but when he does, he gives Elio the hog “that he couldn’t give him that Christmas”. They speak about themselves on metaphorical level – as about the kids from the past they’ve heard about, not about their past selves. Elio realizes that he’s pushed Oliver out of his mind but seeing him in person brings back everything and he’s scared he’d feel something again. Oliver, on the other hand, knows everything about Elio, all his current work including things that he would’ve had to look for in the web. In his cabinet, he’s hung both their souvenir from Rome (about which Elio’s completely forgotten) and that Monet postcard. And he’s written “Cor Cordium” on the back of it, what says just EVERYTHING. And, mind you, he refers to his adult life as a “parallel life”, because he knows he “should” live this life, but he knows and WISHES he’d stay in Italy those 15 years ago. And just keep the thought that they will remember that particular kiss in Rome/Bergamo for the rest of their lives.

And the last thing – the last few pages from the book – when he comes back to B. 20 years later – he kind of flirts with Elio again, but they both know they’ll never go back to what they had. They reminisce about that summer 20 years ago, Oliver tells Elio that “he’s like him” AND that “he remembers everything” and the ending is left open. Who knows, maybe Oliver called him by his name while getting to that taxi? I hope he did call Elio by his name and I choose to believe it.

That is all my friends, we can all proceed to cry now.

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estelgail · 3 years

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This means so much! 💛💛💛 Seriously, thank you Anon.

And @cassiestyles , I couldn’t have asked for a better partner than you. I am so glad that I decided to take a chance and write my first ever fanfic on this fandom, but I’m even more glad I get to do it with someone as talented as you. I’m constantly blown away by your writing, and I’m truly lucky I get to share this journey with you.

To me, fanfics are not just mere stories. They are part of the glue that keeps this fandom together, they are a escape from our rl struggles and, more importantly, from all the bleakness we are currently faced with thanks to this whole awful and unjust scandal. They are the place where Timmy and Armie get the happily ever after they both deserve, and that hopefully we will see in real life. Soon. 🙏🏼

Can I scream at you and Estelgail? What have you done?!?!? HOW is your fic New Beginnings Soooo Gooood, gaawwwdd?!!! I'm reduced to a puddle at the mere notification that a new chapter is up! The smooth seamless storytelling, and the Emotions you are able to bring up bubbling in me, you are some kind of magicians! Is it the love that you have for this story and among you as writers together? Because if it is, it's So pouring through the screen straight to the reader's heart through these characters. Is it the beauty that you have in your heart and soul? Because it sure seems like you are just lovely as individuals! It's not an action movie but it sure has emotional action packed in every chapter and every paragraph. Lots of love to you both!!!

Omg. Seriously. Thank you SO MUCH!!! This means the world. I know everyone says that, but you gotta know... your comment... just brightened my day and makes me feel special so, really, all the love to you. ❤️❤️❤️

About your question... I think I have found in @estelgail an amazing match. She says we are ying and yang and I think she’s totally right.

I have already told her that she blew me away with the first chapter she sent me. I could see straight away she took it seriously, and she was really good with the language and setting up the scene. When someone is that passionate, it makes me even more passionate.

It so much fun to write this way because it becomes a bit like role play where you become your character and your action have consequences, because I don’t really know how @estelgail is going to react to what my character does. And that keeps things super fun and interesting. So this is, above all, about us two having fun, writing what we want to write and to see that people like you enjoy it so much... it’s just amazing.

💖

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estelgail · 3 years

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Proof that Armie Hammer is royalty🤴 (minus the ginger gene 🧬)

😂

#armie hammer #prince harry

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estelgail · 3 years

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He’s too amazing for this world!

When I find myself in times of trouble, Daddy Armie comes to me Speaking words of wisdom …

I miss you Armie 😭

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estelgail · 3 years

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This is the sweetest thing ever!💕 That artwork is just perfection! @elibabette

And here's the part 2!

❤From @what-things-that-matter Bells Will be Ringing❤

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estelgail · 3 years

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So beautiful!!!❤️

FINALLY I made it!!

Here's the part 1 of a little gift I made for @what-things-that-matter

❤It's from the beautiful chapter Bells Will be Ringing ❤

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estelgail · 3 years

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This is gonna be so awesome, I can barely wait! Plus, smutttttttttt!🔥🍆💦

okay heres an update for you guys thanks to @estelgail the night between armie and timmy during met isn't over! There will be more parts to this going right where it left off. 😊

So get ready for it! And yes there will be more smut too! 🤣

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estelgail · 3 years

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Just an observation after seeing Timmy in so many great photos (or interviews) with friends, peers and colleagues over the last couple of weeks. He has not looked at any of them the way he looks at Armie. Not one.

And he won’t.

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estelgail · 3 years

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estelgail · 3 years

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“We need to be respectful of the 2 years all of us had and not get lost in the glamour of it, because a lot of people are suffering.”

OMG Timmy, this world truly doesn’t deserve you!!!!❤️😭❤️😭❤️😭❤️

#timothee chamalet #met gala #ChalaMETgala

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estelgail · 3 years

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As our feeds are about to get flooded with pictures of the amazing Timmy at the ChalaMETgala, I decided to bring back this post because today I find myself with similar feelings. I honestly never knew it was possible to feel so incredibly happy and so immensely sad at the same time.

I’m so happy for Timmy. He’s an amazing person and artist, he’s worked very hard to get to where he is and the fact he’s co-hosting the gala tonight only proves that he’s getting the recognition he deserves. I think we all can agree that Timmy deserves to have the whole world at his feet, and I don’t believe a single soul can disagree with that! Watching him shine his bright star tonight is going to be the high point of this week.

On the other hand, watching Tim shine his star reminds me of how Armie won’t have the same opportunity. Because of terrible people spreading terrible lies, Armie will not be there. He deserved better, so much better! He deserved it because the wonderful kind of man he is, for all his hard work and talent. Amazing how it feels like a sucker punch to my gut, even after all these months.

Anyway, as we prepare to see Timmy shine, let’s think of these two, together, so that they’re not forgotten tonight. May the universe allow us to see these pictures turn into reality one day (soon).❤️🥰🙏🏼

Btw, all pictures are courtesy of lovely Charmie Manips! ❤️

I love seeing all these pics of Timmy in Cannes, he deserves to shine. However, my heart aches because Armie is not there, by his side. If you’re feeling like me, than I hope this soothes your heart as well:

Source: Google Images & Pinterest

#chalaMETgala #met gala

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estelgail · 3 years

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Omg, yes! Currently, that award goes to @onlyastoryteller with “On Being Good (Enough)”. 🥰 I’ve read it 4 times already and every time there’s an update I basically inhale it! Funny thing is that I can’t help myself: while I read, I observe the scroll bar every now and then hoping it goes on forever, only to suffer when I see I’m reaching the end!😂

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estelgail · 3 years

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Fanfic readers, I need your help with something!🙏🏼

I started writing a new chapter and I’m not nearly done with it, but it’s too long already! Let me ask you this: when it comes to fanfics’ individual chapters (New Beginnings, to be more precise 🙈), how long is too long? Anything would help: word count (preferably), # of pages, citing other fanfics as examples, etc.

THANK YOU!

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estelgail · 3 years

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This is what I imagine Timmy looks like when Armie embraces him from behind (both of them naked, of course!) 😂😂😂

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estelgail · 3 years

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Chapter 8 is up! Hope you guys check it out, leave a comment there if you do (your comments make my day!) 🥰

God, I love those boys! ❤️

I’m so excited to announce that my collab fic with @cassiestyles is up on AO3! It’s my first time writing Charmie, and I couldn’t be happier!

Please take a look and tell us what you think!

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estelgail · 3 years

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Chapter 2 of my collab with @cassiestyles is up on AO3! Tim and Armie finally meet, a job is offered and we learn a bit more about Timmy’s past.

#charmie #armie hammer #timothee chalamet #fanfic #ao3 fanfic #ao3 author

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estelgail · 3 years

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I’ve been reading fics for over 20 years and I’ve lost count on how many stories I have read that were as good or even better than the original work that brought me there in the first place.

Something that has always amazed me is the fact that the majority of the people who created these amazing stories were not professional writers, some are even younger than 18! It only goes to show that age and occupation means nothing when the talent is innate.

Shout out to these amazing human beings who decided to spare a moment of their lives to create something beautiful to entertain us all!

you ever read a fanfic and just sit back and think...someone wrote something THIS good... and then just....published it on the internet....for free.....

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