A rant from a very annoyed type 4

I recently watched this video https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aHqjaF4pBZs it’s a skit where the 9 types explain their worst jobs (5 mins long) and she said the worst job for a type 4 would be a 911 operator because 4s are so empathic and feel other people’s emotions and it’s horrible, all that sadness influences them… no that is a type 9. And I’m exhausted that there is never anyone who gets type 4 right. The people on reddit/forums don’t get type 4 either, and 95% of people (not exaggerating) who claim to be 4s and agree with this in the comments or post on forums are never 4s. 

And I’m just very annoyed at people wanting to be 4s because they think it’s quirky and unique and empathic or whatever and then go say “yeah but I’m really healthy so I don’t relate to the lower health levels/I’m the sunny sp 4!”. That’s not what a 4 is. And it’s affecting people’s perception of what a type 4 is because there are more people online mistyped as type 4s than there are actual 4s making 4s look like something else entirely. “I don’t relate to the mean descriptions of the type 4 but I’m a 4” Then you’re not a 4. Period. Because of this there is this belief on reddit ‘cause it gets posted like every 2 days that 4s are drawn to 8s like we find 8s so irresistible “I’m a 4 and I am sooo attracted to 8s they are so magnetic and dreamy”. No. You’re not a 4. 4s and 8s usually don’t get along. Statistically, as a 4, you are going to be drawn to other 4s and 9s. But who is attracted to 8s? 9s, 6s, 2s. All the types most common to mistype as 4s. The 4 and the 8 will tear each other apart and we will not be going with what the 8 wants causing discord and fights for the upper hand in the relationship.

I need people to realize type 4 is selfish. And we don’t feel guilty about being selfish. At all. We are not self sacrificial, other people’s emotions don’t overflow us and “make us sad :(”, we are not the shy, empathic babies that get taken advantage of and who are masochistically submissive. We are the selfish melodramatic divas and pain parasites. We can be emotional manipulators, we will manipulate you by weaponing our emotions. Depending on the fixes/instincts, we can be aggressive and and domineering.

{…] We are not looking for our peace or our place in the world, we are looking to get high on emotions and on life. We will never be happy, and that is our life’s curse. Because nothing will ever makes us happy because we keep moving the goalpost subconsciously and we can’t help it or stop it.

TL;DR: 4s aren’t your cute artsy shy and empathic beans. Nor are we just “depressed”. We’re the melodramatic divas and parasites. If you think you know a shy cutie 4 who is sad :( and feels a lot, you don’t know a 4, you know a 9 going through a difficult time. 

Mod: I know it’s frustrating to have Nota4’s online misrepresenting your type, but most 4s are not as extreme as what you described, so I took out the more offensive sections (I assume you are sx/8 fixed?). But your point remains valid, that 4s are unapologetic in their selfishness, they can be self-destructive, they are not empathetic by nature, and they are perpetually frustrated. Actually, the most empathetic “I feel your feelings” combo is Fe + 9/2. Also, the next time I meet a “sunny” 4w5, I’m gonna ask, “Oh, like Severus Snape?” ;)

does anyone else find a lot of 4 descriptions are just descriptions of basic trauma responses? it’s really annoying and makes me think about all the mistypes there are for people with trauma. there are actual unique parts of 4 that get brushed under the rug because of this idea that only 4s can be envious, hopeless, or hate themselves.

oh, or attached to their pain/trauma. that’s a basic fucking trauma response that many ppl experience yet apparently only 4s can feel that way? makes no sense.

hello :) i made a simple enneagram 9 collage-style moodboard. i'd like to do all the enneagrams eventually! which should i do next?

hi :) i think i found a good way to determine one’s heart fix (or heart type if it’s your core). i’d post this to reddit, too, but i don’t wanna deal with mistyped 4s yelling at me sooo we’ll just post it here for now.

ofc if you are one of these types and feel it could be represented better, let me know!

2 - I want to be seen as helpful and loving so people will like me. I want to be needed by the people I care about. Secretly, I want to be loved for who I am and not what I provide. I'm afraid of being alone and unloved.

3 - I want to be seen as successful and accomplished so people will value me. I want people to approve of me. Secretly, I want to be loved for who I am and not just my achievements or the roles I play for others. I'm afraid of failure and being worthless.

4 - I want to be seen as mysterious and interesting so people will approach me. I want to be seen for who I am on the inside. Secretly, I want all of me to be loved for who I am and not just the unique or intense parts. I'm afraid of being ordinary and having no personal significance

it's so frustrating when people act like 4s are the only ones with feelings or who give a shit about their identities and interests. it leads to so much unnecessary mistyping. non-4s get confused and, from what i've seen on reddit, can be rude as hell if you make their attachment to the 4 label feel threatened. 4s get frustrated by being misrepresented, and their open frustration makes non 4s who identify as 4s feel threatened so they also get frustrated and defensive. 4s who are out of the loop just assume people are trying to police their identity and get frustrated without knowing what's even going on. nobody is helped by this.

Enneagram: Upbringing

In childhood, they lacked a sense of…

Presence (1, 8, 9) embodiment, self, autonomy, willpower

Identity (2, 3, 4) worth, desirability, self-image, esteem

Stability (5, 6, 7) confidence, predictability, trust, resourcefulness

They had issues related to their need for…

Protection (1, 2, 6)  father/fatherly figures, clarity, power, authority

Nourishment (3, 7, 8)  mother/motherly figures, growth, nurture, support

Belonging (4, 5, 9) family/friends, communication, inclusion, culture

In relationship to these experiences, they felt…

Disconnected (1, 4, 7) interference, dissatisfied, empty, frustration

Ambivalent (2, 5, 8) reluctance, abnegation, denial, rejection

Connected (3, 6, 9) dependence, subordinate, reliant, attachment

In order to handle this conflict, they learned to…

Detach (1, 3, 5) separate, rationalize, objectify, structure 

Reframe (2, 7, 9) avoid, distract, enrich, minimize

Express (4, 6, 8) react, vent, embrace, release

9w1 Guide

These individuals may be very sure of themselves and they might know exactly what they want, but they are unlikely to ruffle too many feathers to get.

9w1s are hardworking, creative, and friendly unless provoked extremely intensely, but even then they might react more with words than actual violence.

They also tend to be more idealistic and serious than other type 9s, given their type of reformer traits, they have strict rights and wrongs they believe in.

9w1, as opposed to the pure type 9 peacemakers, tend to seek routine and moral action while at the same time fearing misfortune and isolation.

They might also be rather optimistic due to their type 9 traits, and quite orderly in their approach to the world, due to the type 1 traits.

However, since 9w1 still has type 9 traits more than anything else, they are likely to avoid disturbing peace and balance, and when they do have problems they are more likely to internalize them and numb them, rather than externalize and share, and burden

Keep reading

reasons i am a nine:

*gets really excited to do something, freaks out about it*

*quickly pulls back with a “only if u want to” or “u know it is really whatever”, “if not that is okay too”*

8: Almost all anger is constructive and protective for me or others. I do not repress my anger. I get angry when I feel my freedom is being threatened (w7) or I refuse to give into my reactivity and stand my ground (w9).

9w8: I can only express my anger if it's constructive and won't harm my safety, and it rarely meets both of those, so I repress my anger and "power through" (9 counter-reactivity).

1: I can only express my anger if it's morally justified. If it's not, I repress it. Anger is a powerful tool and should only be used when it's warranted (w2), or I stand my ground and resist the push of my emotions (w9).

9w1: I can only express my anger if it's morally justified, and even when I'm wronged, there's not many circumstances where showing my anger to the wrongdoer is justified, so I go cold or act nice instead (w1 compliance influence + reaction formation).

Something really, really important to remember is that you don't get healthier, you don't integrate, by rejecting yourself.

By that I mean, mbti/enneagram health comes from embracing the healthy side of yourself. Let's put this into more easy terms: you make yourself more unhealthy by rejecting the aspects of your core while trying to embrace your integration line. As a 9, rejecting peace, acceptance, etc, always trying to be assertive, ends up backfiring, and might actually make you disintegrate. If I want to integrate, I have to embrace my healthy 9 qualities -- acceptance of situations, in "this is what is happening right now -- what can I do here?"-- that is integration behavior. It simultaneously embraces the 9's strength of acceptance and peace with what is, while combating gut-based resistance to reality.

This can apply to any type. If 8 wishes to be a protector, ideally, they will be kind to those they're protecting -> int to 2. 4s, "This is what I'm feeling, how can I act on it?) -> 4 goes to 1. 2s, if they want to keep taking care of people, must take time for themselves and realize they don't have to work so hard to be special to people -> 2 goes to 4. And so on.

TL;DR: you don't get healthier by trying to reject your core or fixes -- you get healthier by embracing the healthy parts of them. By becoming yourself.

Triadic Relations: Attachment

Triad: Object Relations

Types Included: 3, 6, 9

Attachment types relate and interact with the world by connecting to things in the external world that they see as valuable.  Each attachment type lies at the center of their specific centre of intelligence, which can make for types that seem to embody their specific centre.  These types are known for their adaptability, especially in terms of dealing with their core fixation (ie. anger, shame, fear).  Each type tends to blend the strategies of their neighboring types in order to combat this fixation, but at the cost of disconnection from the quality they seek to combat and themselves alike.  Those with heavy attachment influence tend to struggle to type themselves within the theory because of this blending and ability to adapt to combat the world around them, both of which allow them to relate to a wide variety of traits.  Those lacking in attachment influence tend to have less fluid and inconsistent personality styles, but tend to have difficulty adjusting themselves to the outside world (or view such as purposeless).

How They Embody Their Triad

3: Being the center of the heart triad, threes tend to be most out of touch with their “true self” and their shame.  By both reframing their weaknesses as adjustable and narrowing down skill sets and traits that they deem as useful and desirable, threes adapt to the outside world by focusing on combating their weaknesses and working towards integrating these traits that they see as ideal.  As a result, they tend to reject their natural self as mediocre or worthless without adjustment.

6: Being the center of the head triad, sixes tend to be most out of touch with their inner guidance and fear.  Being at odds with both their inner world and self trust as well as the unstructured external world and the reliability of others, sixes adapt to the world by seeking security in external and reliable structure, be it a belief system, a network of information, or other trustworthy individuals.  Nonetheless, this leaves them uncentered and persistent ambivalence.

9: Being both the center of the gut triad and the attachment triad, nines tend to be most out of touch with their presence, anger, and self.  By erecting boundaries between themselves and both their internal and external world, nines adapt to the world by becoming incredibly fluid and adjustable in both behavior and personality in attempts to maintain inner harmony and avoid external pressure.  This can leave them disconnected from their inner drives and self as well as quelch their overall presence through merging.

“A reminder that you are not Abraham and he was not Isaac. Hope killing your son was worth it.”

First attempt at web-weaving, for our dear narrator Father James Ballard.

1. Road to Hell, Hadestown / 2. X / 3. The Book of Questions, Edmond Jabès / 4. Priest Holding Dying Soldier, Venezuela, 1962 / 5. Road to Hell (Reprise), Hadestown / 6. Unknown / 7. Quote from personal project / 8. A Friend In Jesus, Mafia III

Avatar the Last Airbender: Aang - Type 9w1

Aang is kind, friendly and optimistic. He is a true pacifist and wants to bring peace back to the four kingdoms. Aang is conflict averse and believes that problems can be solved peacefully. He is skilled at viewing things form others perspective and often brings a sense of balance to his relationships. 

At his best, Aang is balanced, disciplined and selfless. He is able to defeat the Firelord without compromising his beliefs, despite everyone telling him that Ozai must be killed. Aang ultimately brings peace and harmony back to the four kingdoms.

At his worst, Aang is fearful, avoidant and disengaged. For example, nearing Sozin’s comet Aang begins to have nightmares and avoids sleeping so that he doesn’t have to experience them. This leads to him becoming paranoid and scared of the conflict that is to come.

I have seen Aang typed as a 7 by a few people and while he has many traits of a type 7 (e.g. carefree, seeks new experiences, fun-loving, etc.) at his core, Aang’s motivations and behaviours fit a type 9 more closely. Aang has established a pattern of running away from his problems and avoiding conflict. A specific example of this is why he ran away from the Air Temple at the start of the series. Aang ran away when he heard that he would be separated from Monk Gyatso and because he felt like the monks were trying to take away everything he knows and loves. The reason Aang ran away was not because he wanted to avoid the responsibilities of being the Avatar (which would be more of a type 7 response) but because he was afraid of the normalcy of his life being disrupted and he would be separated from the people he was close to (9s have a basic fear of separation).

Aang has a tendency to slack off with his bending studies and avoid work. Despite this, he has a natural aptitude towards bending and is able to master the four elements within the year. 9s can tend to be lazy and disinterested in learning/work. 

He is also very spiritual and is able to connect easily to the Spirit World and to his past lives. This is something that is actually very characteristic of a type 9, as they have a yearning for connection to their spirituality and to others. This is something that he has in common with Iroh (another 9) and something that directly contrasts with Korra, who has a lot of trouble connecting with her spirituality.

Aang shows his 1 wing with his strong moral code. As explained earlier, Aang refuses to compromise his beliefs about killing despite everyone telling him it was the only way. Furthermore, Aang shows a great deal of guilt over running away from the Air Temple and blames himself for the death of his people. He believes that he did the wrong thing and that he should be punished for it.

Tri-Type: 9w1 - 2w1 - 7w6

Some quotes to describe Aang’s traits and motivations:

“I bet that’s enough, and I’m not just saying that to be lazy.”

“It’s easy to do nothing, it’s hard to forgive.”

“If you want to be a bender, you have to let go of fear.”

“Anyone’s capable of great good and great evil. Everyone, even the Firelord and the Fire Nation, have to be treated like their worth giving a chance.”

Zuko: “I suppose you were right. She didn’t need revenge. Violence wasn’t the answer.” Aang: “It never is.” 

What tritypes/instinctual stacks do you think would be most common in a type 9 covert narcissist?

I don’t know, but 6 and 2 fixes will have a tendency against it

Not sp blind

Enneagram 9

The Nine in Profile

Healthy: Deeply receptive, accepting, unselfconscious, emotionally stable and serene. Trusting of self and others, at ease with self and life, innocent and simple. Patient, unpretentious, good-natured, genuinely nice. / Imaginative and creative, attuned to nonverbal communication. Optimistic, reassuring, supportive: have a healing and calming influence—harmonizing groups, bringing people together. A good mediator, synthesizer, and communicator. At Their Best: Become self-possessed, feeling autonomous and fulfilled: have great equanimity and contentment because they are present to themselves. Paradoxically, at one with self, and thus able to form more profound relationships. More alive, awake, alert to self and others.

Average: Become self-effacing and agreeable, accommodating themselves, idealizing others and “going along” with things to avoid conflict. Have a “philosophy of life” that enables them to quiet their anxieties quickly. Submerge themselves in fulfilling functions for others. In their reactions, they are unresponsive and complacent, walking away from problems and “sweeping them under the rug.” Become passive, disengaged, unreflective, and inattentive. Thinking becomes hazy and ruminative, mostly about their fantasies, as they begin to “tune out” reality, becoming oblivious. Emotional indolence, unwillingness to exert self (and stay focused) on problems: passive-aggressive and indifferent. / Begin to minimize problems to appease others and to have “peace at any price.” Become fatalistic and resigned, but also stubborn and resistant to influence. Practice wishful thinking and wait for magical solutions. Inadvertently create conflicts with others by their denial and obstinance.

Unhealthy: Can be repressed, undeveloped, and ineffectual. Do not want to deal with problems: become depressed and listless, dissociating self from all conflicts. Neglectful and dangerously irresponsible. / Wanting to block out of awareness anything that could affect them, they dissociate so much that they eventually cannot function: become numb, depersonalized. / Becoming severely disoriented and catatonic, they abandon themselves, turning into shattered shells. Multiple personalities possible.

Key Motivations: To have serenity and peace of mind, to create harmony in their environment, to preserve things as they are, to avoid conflicts and tension, to escape upsetting problems and demands on them.

Examples: Abraham Lincoln, Joseph Campbell, Carl Jung, Ronald Reagan, Gerald Ford, Queen Elizabeth II, Princess Grace of Monaco, Walter Cronkite, Walt Disney, George Lucas, Garrison Keillor, Sophia Loren, Kevin Costner, Keanu Reeves, Woody Harrelson, Ron Howard, Ringo Starr, Whoopi Goldberg, Janet Jackson, Nancy Kerrigan, Linda Evans, Ingrid Bergman, Perry Como, Jim Henson, Marc Chagall, Norman Rockwell, “Edith Bunker,” and “Marge Simpson.”

Keep reading