PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT TO THE HANDFUL OF TEEN WOLF FANS WHO JUST FOLLOWED ME

YOU'RE GOING TO WANT TO UNFOLLOW. First of all because this is the first post I've made in two years but MAINLY because this is a blog dedicated to making fun of people who have put themselves on the Emmy ballot, which involves filling out an application and paying a fee, and can be done by LITERALLY ANYONE who has appeared on a qualifying program.

To recap: Dylan O'Brien was featured here in 2012 because I found the idea of him winning an Emmy genuinely laughable. I STILL FIND THE IDEA OF DYLAN O'BRIEN WINNING AN EMMY GENUINELY LAUGHABLE.

FOR YOUR CONSIDERATION: Matthew Morrison

Category: Outstanding Lead Actor in a Comedy Series, Outstanding Directing For a Comedy Series

AND NONE FOR MATTHEW MORRISON, BYE! TEAM JONAH HILL!

Nominations are up here, and this is the point where I leave off and the rest of the internet takes over, because I cannot be bothered to actually watch the Emmys. [Al Gore invented Wikipedia so I could check up on the winners and DVRs so I could go back and watch the parts blogs tell me were worthwhile.]

Final score: 84 for 85, better than last year but still not quite where I'd like it. KATHY BATES AS CHARLIE SHEEN'S GHOST, SERIOUSLY? SERIOUSLY?

Emmy, Please! may or may not be back next year; it is honestly kind of miraculous that I've managed to do two complete nomination periods at all. In case this is the end, I've got one more post coming, because internet legacies are THE MOST IMPORTANT and I know what note I want to end on. (It'll also be my hundredth FYC post, so, that's nice.)

Thanks for reading!

FOR YOUR CONSIDERATION: Larry Miller

Category: Outstanding Lead Actor in a Miniseries or Movie

Role: Willy Meehan (Deck the Halls)

Okay, this is NOT what I was expecting the synopsis of this movie to be:

Detective Regan Reilly and cleaning-woman-turned-private-eye Alvirah Meegan, investigate the kidnapping of Regan's father and a young female driver just before the holidays. The race is on to rescue the pair and get them home in time for Christmas.

UM, WHAT? That sounds like the best Christmas TV movie ever made. [Haha, okay, SECOND best, the Lifetime one about the cop who spends Christmas bodyguarding for a stripper/witness and just brings her to all his family Christmas stuff because WHY NOT is actually the best one.]

FOR YOUR CONSIDERATION: Jane Kaczmarek

Category: Outstanding Guest Actress in a Comedy

Role: Candi (Whitney)

Whitney tells a white lie to her mother Candi (Kaczmarek) so that she can spend a drama-free Christmas just with Alex, only to find out her mother has held out a bigger lie of her own the last few Christmases.

I will never understand why Jane Kaczmarek and Peter Gallagher are on this show as Whitney's parents; it's a continuous cause for sadness and disappointment. Peter Gallagher gets off easier, because at least Sandy and Kirsten are even, you know? Bryan Cranston, on the other hand, will likely become a four-time Emmy winner this year for Breaking Bad, and the contrast between that and this is just a wee bit jarring.

FOR YOUR CONSIDERATION: Ten episodes of Covert Affairs

Category: Outstanding Writing in a Drama Series

I like that when last year's submit-eight-of-eleven-episodes strategy didn't pan out, they decided the best idea was to go with ten out of sixteen. THAT'LL GET US THAT NOMINATION!

The actual explanation here is that the second season of Covert Affairs had ten credited writers, which levels out to one episode each and actually makes sense. Since USA shows are all notorious oversubmitters (Burn Notice also went with ten episodes, but I don't have a picture of For Your Consideration Burn Notice DOG TREATS), it's more fun to pretend that the network's bitter as hell that it hasn't seen any awards love since Monk ended, and it's working through those feelings by going scorched-earth on the Emmy ballot. It's like very targeted advertising! You can bet that Emmy voters know what Burn Notice is now!

[Math: On average, USA's eight dramas each submitted eight episodes to this category. The average non-USA show - the sixty or so other dramas that make up the other 75% of the ballot - submitted three.]

FOR YOUR CONSIDERATION: Kelly Rowan and Emily Osment

Category: Outstanding Supporting/Lead Actress in a Miniseries or Movie

Role: Kris and Taylor Hillridge (Cyberbully)

I don't want to belittle this movie too much, because the subject matter is about as hefty as an ABC Family movie is going to get, and if kids respond to it, then who cares, right? But, um, maybe this scene, where she explains to a gay classmate that she has it worse than he does, because he's ACTUALLY gay but she's not really a slut, wasn't such a good idea. Obviously she's in a bad place, but maybe just don't include a "bullying is less terrible if it's TRUE" loophole in your movie about how bullying can drive kids to suicide?

Also maybe they could have come up with something other than "I CAN'T GET THE CAP OFF" when it came to foiling Taylor's suicide attempt. Just a thought.

FOR YOUR CONSIDERATION: Kaitlyn Dever and Hector Elizondo

Category: Outstanding Supporting Actress/Actor in a Comedy

Role: Eve Baxter and Ed Alzate (Last Man Standing)

Hector Elizondo has over a hundred credits on IMDb, is in his seventies, and doesn't have to pay a submission fee because he's an Emmy winner and Academy member. I will not give him a pass, because this show is terrible and he knows better, but I won't get into it.

KAITLYN DEVER. NO. You have your whole life and career ahead of you and you can do better. There's got to be a teenaged Panabaker they can replace you with. Have your mom call Heather Fanning, and then you do whatever the hell Heather Fanning says.

FOR YOUR CONSIDERATION: Anika Noni Rose

Category: Outstanding Guest Actress in a Drama

Roles: Wendy Scott-Carr (The Good Wife) - The DA's office begins its grand jury hearing against Will, and Alicia unfairly finds herself in the crosshairs. Meanwhile, Eli and Stacie Hall's rivalry intensifies as the gay and lesbian alliance looks for a strategist.

Miriam Deng (Law and Order: SVU) - A maid who works at an upscale NY hotel accuses a high-profile guest of raping her.

Corinne (Private Practice) - When Sam insists Corinne be released from the hospital to his care at home, Sheldon warns him he's in over his head.

One of these roles is a significant recurring role in a show with a proven track record of critical and Emmy success. One of these is a one-off appearance on the same show whose guest actresses won this category in 2005, 2007, 2008, 2009, and 2010.

One is a recurring role on Private Practice, which nobody takes seriously and has never been nominated for an Emmy. Come on, Anika. It's great that you're this proud of the work you did, but is it really wise to split the vote any more than you have to?

FOR YOUR CONSIDERATION: Sarah Michelle Gellar

Category: Outstanding Lead Actress in a Drama

Role: Bridget Kelly / Siobhan Martin (Ringer)

Outstanding Achievement in Special Effects, AM I RIGHT????

FOR YOUR CONSIDERATION: Lee Thompson Young

Category: Outstanding Supporting Actor in a Drama Series

Role: Detective Barry Frost (Rizzoli and Isles)

I don't really have anything to say here, I just always really like seeing Lee Thompson Young! He was Jett Jackson! FOURTEEN YEARS AGO!

FOR YOUR CONSIDERATION: Anna Torv

Category: Outstanding Lead Actress in a Drama Series

Role: Olivia Dunham (Fringe)

No disrespect intended to Anna Torv; I know a lot of people love Fringe, and I'm sure she does a great job! But a) it's just not going to happen, we all know it's not going to happen, and b) I really just wanted to remind everyone that this is a thing that happened.

FOR YOUR CONSIDERATION: Nathan Kress

Category: Outstanding Lead Actor in a Comedy

Role: Freddie Benson (iCarly)

Will Arnett, Alec Baldwin, Louis CK, Larry David, David Cross, Garret Dillahunt, Jim Parsons. I don't have a point. Those are just names.

FOR YOUR CONSIDERATION: Kathy Bates

Category: Outstanding Guest Actress in a Comedy

Role: Charlie Harper's ghost (Two and a Half Men)

Kathy Bates guest stars as the ghost of Charlie Harper who pays a visit to Alan’s hospital bedside after Alan suffers a minor heart attack.

I don't have a problem with this. This is a VERY good show, and I didn't catch this episode because my DVR was being weird, but I'm sure that it was a very rich moment and that everyone involved in its creation deserves recognition.

FOR YOUR CONSIDERATION: Nick Jonas

Category: Outstanding Guest Actor in a Drama Series

Role: Lyle West (Smash)

Young TV star Lyle West, returns to New York to celebrate his birthday with his Broadway friends. Eileen believes Lyle may be the perfect buyer for her sketch, but Lyle proposes a different arrangement - holding onto the painting as collateral and taking a stake in "Marilyn the Musical" instead.

Rather than waste precious keystrokes I will simply refer you all to this, because the same sentiment applies. I'd also like to point out that Joe Jonas has not been discouraged after he was so cruelly robbed last year; he's on there again this year for Hot in Cleveland.

FOR YOUR CONSIDERATION: Dan Amboyer

Category: Outstanding Lead Actor in a Miniseries or a Movie

Role: HRH Prince William of Wales (William and Catherine: A Royal Romance)

VICTOR GARBER WAS IN THIS MOVIE? AS CHARLES? VICTOR GARBER. LOOK AT YOUR LIFE. LOOK AT YOUR CHOICES. JK, Victor Garber can make that paper however he wants to. Jean Smart played Camilla! Ugh, now I'm half interested in seeing this.

[Lead Actor in a Miniseries/Movie is a relatively light category, with only 33 names on the ballot. One of those names is Idris Elba, though, so shouldn't that have been enough to shame most people out of even trying?]

FOR YOUR CONSIDERATION: Jillian Bell

Category: Outstanding Guest Actress in a Drama Series

Role: Jennifer Putnam (Franklin & Bash)

A plain jane woman (guest star Jillian Bell) who believes she was wrongly let go from her job at a men’s magazine for being too good-looking comes to Infeld Daniels looking for legal representation. Meanwhile, the man-cave’s overwhelming technology causes the server to crash, leaving everyone disconnected from their gadgets.

MAN.

CAVE.