14th December 2018 when I went for the 4th time to hospital and second for binge eating ,again wasn't helpful they let me be more free but didn't help in anyway only in loosing a little bit of weight that stayed of for only one month after getting out I gained double then what I lost while I was in there it was horrible I gave up on all hope I just gave up on my self I lost all my self esteem, I just excepted the fact that I am becoming overweight and stopped doing the thing I loved and given up on my dream of becoming a trainer I was nearly 18 and I had just given up on my future all I water was to never wake up I felt I was gonna be alone for all my life I will never be loved in my mind if I wasn't thin I will never be happy and it's sad because it's not really like that ....will carry on my story when I pass this stage because deep down I know I can this is not gonna be the end of my story

This was my journey until I stopped gym…now theres an extra pic that’s me today 2019 gained extra 25kg from the last pic

This was when I had anorexia look how sad my face looks I was just giving up

This was my journey until I stopped gym...now theres an extra pic that's me today 2019 gained extra 25kg from the last pic

At the end of anorexia was the start of my binge eating disorder, at the beginning I thought it was normal I just was overwhelmed with the fact I let my self eat I had to eat everything I craved over the last 2 years but as months went by it just wouldn't stop I was eating uncontrollably ur became an addiction if I didn't eat everything I would just not eat it was a horrible circle after a binge I was just so depressed I just wanted to end my life and I just used to starve the next day..so I decided to admit myself in hospital Again but for totally the opposite Reason as I went in for that they still treated me as an anorexic patient I didn't like that at all they even limited my exercise at the time exercise was my escape from real life it was the only time of the day that made me happy, as I left hospital didn't see much difference after a week I was at the same routine binge-depressed-starve I was just going down hill until I fell in love it made me stop thinking of food and start thinking of him I was always busy either I was with him or thinking of him I started losing weight I was going to my crossfit I was looking really fit I was in good shape but all of a sudden are relationship changed...he suddenly didnt nhave feelings still to this day I didnt know what happened either he didnt from the start or I did something he didn't like..and that's when I started having my depression Episodes but didnt affect my eating habits...carried on with crossfit as normal but then something that most people probably wont understand why it got me so upset was that people slowly slowly was leaving the  crossfit gym I was going to and we were just like a family crossfit was my second home and im not  good with change and for me that was the worse thing that could of happened to me and that when I just relapsed  very bad i stopped crossfit gained 25kg and given up on school ,my mum admitted me again to hospital on the 14th December 2018

Beginning of new disorder

From the 5th of Feb2016 until 1st July 2016 i was in hospital for anorexia it was a hard journey but at the end I made it I got better from anorexia but that wasnt the end of my eating disorder story sadly...

After one month of being In the hospital after gaining all the weight they told me too I got out i may of looked better but i wasnt mentally better my goal as soon as I got out was to loose all the weight I gained in there and more so that's what I did,I got out end of November and the beginning of January I was 20kg less ,they had to admit me in after lots of promises I told them they had to because it wasnt just my weight my pulse was very low I was so close to death ,so that day 5 Feb 2016 was the first day of my recovery journey 

My eating disorder story

Hello everyone my name is elana Evangelou I am 18 years old ,today is my first day on my blog,I'm hear to talk about my life with ED . It all started when I was around 13 years old ,when i was younger i was always a chubby kid and i used to get comments on my weight I didn't really think of it at the moment but when I was going in to my teens I started to think of losing weight before I go to high school so that's what I did it was just a normal diet I was losing weight I was getting lots of compliments which I liked alot so I was cutting my food everyday so I can loose more and more ,I was scared of eating some sorts of food as we call "bad" foods I used to cry my self to sleep from hunger it was a difficult time I started getting suicidal thoughts I tried in all different ways to kill myself which one day my mum saw we crying and threatening to jump of the balcony she realized I need help so that's when she decided to take me to hospital to have check up and the doctors said I was fine my pulse was a little low but they said it must of been from all the exercise I do but my mum was convinced I had anorexia so she told the doctor and i will never forget the words of the doctor he said "she doesnt look like she has anorexia" and straight away in my head that meant I was fat... that just literally ruined my day it made me cut more .one day u was at school my mum called saying she was gonna pick me up to take me to an appointment she had made from a number she got from one of the nurses that was in the hospital that day the doctor said what he said ,so I went and i spoke to a psychiatrist and she knee that i couldn't do this on my own my thoughts was to strong so they kept me in the hospital ,it felt like the worse day of my life I felt I was in prison while I walked in to the ward I saw all these different kids the nurse took me to my bedroom and then showed me around I met one girl which we are still friends until now we spoke she had anorexia too and I had to ask how long she was in and she told me six months...as soon as she told me that I felt like someone stabbed my heart u had no idea that someone can stay that long I thought i was gonna be in there for like 1 week I just started crying I got all my stuff run up and down the hall way the doors where locked I had in my mind my mother will definitely come get me theres no way she would of kept me in here but as I waited I realised there is no getting out....STORY CONTINUES IN NEXT POST