one time a guy i know whose girlfriend was heavily pregnant didn’t tweet anything for a whole day so i texted him ‘congrats on your baby’ and made him think i had some kind of baby precognition 

he quit the next day

Nothing like finding a body in the trunk of your cherry red sports car after a hard day at work!

They are studying us in petri dishes

lmaooo

most important thing to remember about being a woman is if youre married you have to go under the covers with your husband and laugh cutely and play wrestle so when you die to progress the narrative he can remember it in slow motion montages

snow

being obsessed w a piece of media is so scary. what if my mutuals see how insane i go about it and think oh i gotta check out what this is about and then think it sucks and kill me with rocks. what if they hate my favorite characters

you haven't changed, you just think you have

with access to the 2022 tumblr vernacular, he'd be unstoppable

double checking the pdf im about to send to make sure the invoice i just scanned didn't magically turn into a full frontal nude image

Gotham Memoirs companions sums up in my P.O.V

I used to be 21 but now I'm 24. so you can understand why I'm so freaked out