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do1care · 7 years

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9:37 pm thoughts, ending friendships.

Va escrito en ingles porque iba primero para reddit, ojala y alguien me lea aca algun dia:(

FYI, this is a long post about my struggles and thoughts on my problems, if you don't want to deal with them feel free to move to the next post:), it's ok.

I know that everything has to end, that's the most natural part of life, as far as I can see it, everything has to come to an end. Doesn't matter if it's your favorite coffee cup, or your longest relationship ever, that's just how life is, and there's nothing wrong with it, but the fact of accepting it can cause some real shitty problems. Or at least to me.

I lost my best friend on January, and no, by lost I don't mean he died, thankfully, 'cause he's and extraordinary human, he is such a grateful and open minded young man willing to help you no matter what; that being said, the reason why you can say we "broke up" (we weren't dating, just that i didn't find any other word that could sume up that were not bffs anymore, haha), it's pretty fucking stupid, haha.

I'll give you a few seconds so that you try to guess, haha.....1.....2......3....OK, times up. Don't know if you saw this coming, but it was because of a girl (told you, pretty fucking stupid reason).

Let me set the scenario up for you.

He and I have been friends since we were 10 and 11 (I'm younger), we are now 16 and 17. We had been together in a lot of struggles each; helping the other in whatever it was possible to, he changed school when he was 13 because his mother had a problem with our principal, anyway. It may appear that since then we started talking less with each other, but no, its the total opossite (crazy, right?). Since he got out of my school we started talking more and more, and I remember on the 2015 new years eve, I was all alone in my room hearing all the fireworks welcoming the new year 2016, and at 2:30 am or so i called him and we started talking till 6:00 am or so, we never ran out of talk, it was always so funny, haha.

Ok, now to how we stop talking.

On January 2017, he had been dating a few girls on and off. But nothing too serious, but like on the 25th he started telling me about this girl that a friend introduce to him, and that she was sooo hot, but all she wanted from her was to hook up (nothing weird about that, he always wanted that, and i think thats ok, if the girl wants that too). And he sent me this girl facebook profile, so i started checking her out, and she was a girl from another school, which, another girl friend of mine was in like 2 years ago.

(ok, now this is getting confusing, from now on we are gonna call them like this: my ex best boy friend: ed. My girl friend: luna, the girl that caused the problem: pico)

And luna had told me that the girl that pico was a kinddd of a slut (i know that that can be offensive, but bare with me here, those were her words, not mine). And I was like, oh, cool, either way ed just wants to hook up with her, so they can both be happy. But one day ed told me that he was trying to get into a serious relationship with pico, at this point I had told ed everyting that luna had told me about pico, but he didn't seem to care at all. By this point, as any teenager-best-male-friend would do, i was very concerned, cause he had gotten broken up a lot in the past, by girls that didn't deserve him. By shitty girls. And i didn't want him to get his heart broken again, and at least this time I had something in my power to stop that. Or at least that's what I thought.

Remember that Luna and Pico were very good friends in the past, at this point they talk to each other, but not as much. And also, at this point Luna and I are veeeery good friends, in fact, she is one of my 2 best girl friends (thankfully, she still is, she's awesome, haha)

So I send Luna the screenshot of the time when Ed was telling me that all he wanted Pico for was to get laid, and Luna ask me if I was sure I wanted this to get to Pico, I said yes. But told her that she said to Pico not to show them to Ed. (I think you can guess where this is heading).

Long story short, Ed realized what I did, and basically sent me to eat shit, I couldn't understand how he rather lose his best friend and having a girl to fuck and not viceversa (and oh, btw, i now it was a total dick move from me to send the screenshots of our chat to Luna. But I dind't want this girl to hurt him). By this point, it was maybe like februart 4th or something like that. We stoped talking, but I remember that this was killing me, cause I was ised to tell him everything that happened in my mind, every single deep or stupid thought I had, no matter how vain or important it was, and he knew that i'll always be there for him, so I tried to apologize, and I freacking got fully emotional with him, i remember being at bed like at 1 am texting him whyle crying, he was so fucking important to me, little did I know i meant so little to him by this point.

The important part of this is that I wrote him that i loved him. Of course i loved him, he was my fucking best friend, how am I not supposed to love him? (Again, little did I know this was gonna fuck my life in a while)

Amyway, he basically told me that he had forgiven me, just that I wasn't his best friend anymore, that, that fucking killed me, it was like a stab in the chest, I felt it deep into myself, losing a friendship with someone you value so much, that you had plans for the future with, so many memories together. Just gone. Fucking went off. It was my fault. I destroyed, it was me the one who blame. Fast forward two monts of feeling depressed and shitty af, my sister went to the beach with a friend, a girl friend, but my dad is a freacking maniac so he decided to go to their beach house without tellimg anyone just to check if she wasn't lying (spoiler. Of course she wasnt, my sister is the best). Anyway, so he told me to write to her friend cause I also get along with her (or at leaste i used to, another friendahip gone, yey) to send me their location, so my dad took my phone and started texting her like if it was me, cause of course, it was from my number, why would she think it wasnt me?

(And by this point i think i should tell you two important things:

1. My father is an asshole and a real noisy bitch.

2. He is super homophobyc, this is kinda caused because his brother is gay, and they were born in a very mysoginistic environment.)

Anyway, so my dad started scrolling around my chats, and I at this point I didn't remember my chat with Ed, until I saw it on my phone screen, when I saw it, my heart went from being calm to almost getting a heart attack. I was fucking nervous, cause I knew how his reaction was going to be, and i didnt want him to see what I wrote with him, cause it was personal shit, things that no one but you and the other person are supposed to see (now that I analyze this, I think it is kind of karma because i did the same to Ed), I was terryfied, sweating. Almost crying, and when he was about to enter my chat with Ed, i tried to take my phone away from his hand, by this point he knew i was hiding something. I fucked it up, there was nothing else that I could do, but to be waiting for him to react. There were 5 minutes of pure silence in the car, i tried as hard as I could not to cry (my very first reaction in strong emotional moments, is crying, no matter if it's a super sad moment or in the middle of the biggest argument of my life, i just can't control it).

Then he says -So you love him?

I got freezed, i really don't remember any much of it cause I was so afraid of it, I just remember telling him that yeah, i loved him cause he was my best friend. Anyway, he took my phone away from me and talked with my mom about it. My mom is genuinely the best, she's very supportive and lovely. She just tells me that no matter what I feel I can always tell her and that she'll love me no matter what, but to stop saying to some random dude that he was everything to me and that i felt fucking misserablr without him (i kinda told that to Ed when I tried to apologize). Since than, my dad has been a little lore of a douche bag with me, and he doesn't know I have my phone, cause he gave it to my mom, but she gave it to me, haha, she's the best (forgot to mention, i only live with my mom, but they get along pretty well).

Now Ed and I talk maybe once in a while, and I have accepted the fact that he's not my bf and i'm not his, and that's ok. Cause everything has to end, nothing last forever.

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I tottaly forgot what the purpose of writing this story was, I just hope that maybe someone might read it and I don't know, tell me anything, i literally just was fucking sad and upset with lifeand general and decided to start writing this. But ended up spending an hour and a little bit more writing it, haha.

Remember that this is my first post to reddit. So feel free to comment or idk what the interactions in here are called, but yeah, i think i might post this to my tumblr later, haven't ever post there either, haha.

#thoughts #midnight #friendship #ends #amigos #ingles #reddit #friends #help

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