To anyone who still checks this blog from time to time, I will be moving it.

It is still going to be called abreakfromreality.tumblr.com, however, people will have to refollow to see my work. It will be solely words. I'll make sure to keep picture posts to a minimum. I doubt anyone will even refollow, especially since this has been inactive for so long, but it'd be nice to get some followers there again.

Floundering

I felt like everything was going alright for me lately.  The deep, turbulent waters of anguish, regret, and failure I was drowning in had become calm and I was able to tread water again.  Quietly, I made my way to the shore, thinking that finally, FINALLY, I was going to make it.  But, I neglected to notice my relationship floundering not too far away from me and when I began to take heed, it had already begun to sink into the depths.  I scrambled to pull it back up, but found myself being sucked down with it.  I discovered, that it was trying to drown me.  I kicked, trying to save us both, but I felt like I was failing.  I considered letting it go, saving myself, but the agony of losing something that meant so much to me was too much to bear even if it was drowning me.  So, I hauled the both of us up to the surface with as much strength as I could muster.  However, when I broke through to the surface and looked over at the relationship I decided to save, I realized that my feelings for it had become subdued somehow, blocked off because of the pain it caused me.  And now, I have no idea how to continue.

Dramatic, right?  That whole drowning in water metaphor really takes the cake, but in all seriousness this is pretty much what is going on.  My relationship has been having some trouble lately and, even though, the good times outweigh the bad I can’t seem to get past the part where I felt like it was trying to “drown” me.  Hopefully, we can work things out so that my feelings return again, but if this doesn’t happen…then…I will have to do something I never wanted to do

always-kai:

I don’t expect him to be perfect. Flaws make a person who they are. If I were to hold him to an unrealistic expectation of what a boyfriend should be like then I wouldn’t be a good girlfriend at all.

I don’t date him to please other people. Although I would like for my family and friends to...

from my other blog

Dream with your eyes open.

A Dream

It was two days ago so the memory I have of it is a little fuzzy but I remember some important things about it. I dreamt of the goings-on of my day: the child's birthday party, the look in his eye when he became so serious, the feeling of that heat burning my mouth, my hands, and my fingertips. The reality of each moment seemed to flow through me in slow motion. Everything occurred as if it were slowed by a camera before coming to a complete standstill.

And then, it shattered and I fell to pieces into another dream filled with lust, hot kisses, and feverish touches.  With each moment I stayed within that dream I experienced a euphoria I can't even begin to put into words. It was like realizing you could command time and pleasure to bend to your will, to meld into the perfect mix so every moment of sex is completely perfect, and each orgasm you touch is beyond mind-shattering. But as much as I wanted to remain in that dream, I was pulled away but a force so strong that I felt like the universe sucked me into a blackhole that disintegrated me into the particles from which I'm made.

The darkness enveloped me as I melted away and then, as quickly as this came, I was whole again and falling into the sky as feathers began to sprout painfully from my body. Wings ripped from my back, black and dusted with a fine moonlight colored sheen. Afterward, I remember only two things before I woke up. One, my new wings were beautiful. Two, I was finally free.

confession200: There's a piece of me that just can't stop thinking of you.

Don't be surprised

Don't be surprised if, for the next ten weeks, there are postings concerning my opinions on or themes of death, grief, and mourning.  I have a philosophy course titled "Confrontations with the Reaper" and I actually have to do a lot of blogging for it, about three times a week. So, I have decided to place some of the things I write for this course on this blog here as well.  Call it part of my small resolution to be more conscious and analytical of the works I create, I want to keep these short bloggings here as part of my writing portfolio so I can look back at them later.  Later when I sort my writings into themes or "eras" I think I'll include these as portions of my dark phase.

Confused and conflicted

We've all felt it.  Being conflicted, confused as to what is the real path we are supposed to be on, it's one of those mixed up feelings where you feel suffocated, unsure as to where you really belong.  From one end the path we are currently on looks like the proper one, but we cannot see the other path, the one that looks to be shrouded in shadow.  The same goes for how we view the people on the opposite, "shadowed" path.  Because they are not on our path, they are immediately the bad ones, the wrong ones.

But what if we were suddenly placed on the "shadowed" path, taught to see the way the "shadowed" see, and live how the "shadowed" live?  Our previous perceptions end up becoming muddled, thrown into a murky puddle of confliction and chaos.  Has the path we've been on really been the "right" path or is the path we've been thrown on the "right" one instead?  Which one is where we belong?

Rare and difficult to find

Inspiration is something that I find very rare and difficult to actually discover.  Sometimes, I can go for weeks without a bit of inspiration; even if I do find inspiring things it's difficult for me to able to put what I've found into words that can express how deeply they've touched me.  But that's more due to my fastidious nature than a lack of inspiration, I suppose.  It's quite frustrating.