dear-older-brother - Tumblr blog

dear-older-brother · 4 months

Text

When I was a little girl

My mom got me a special Barbie for Christmas

I immediately wanted to open the box and play with her

My mother instead told me to leave her alone

So that she couldn’t get messed up

She’s been in that box almost 20 years

Staying the same

Sometimes I feel jealous of her

Because I got taken out of my box

And now I’m messed up

But then I got put back in the box

And everyone around pretends to ignore my damage

They don’t acknowledge how tired I look

Or how my clothes don’t fit like when I first wore them

They don’t see that I struggle to run a brush through my hair

Or the way I still can’t get out of bed some days

I want us both to leave our boxes

But on proper terms

With safety and gentility and love around us

Barbie deserves to be played with

And I deserve to live

0 notes

dear-older-brother · 4 months

Text

And when you narrow it all down

Sift through all the memories

You’re still the only one of your kind

You’re a rarity that is met with distain

You cannot scrub the shame away

The pigment left behind

From your foul blood

Is a constant reminder

That you are not the same

You are not welcome here

#poetry #spilled ink #feminine rage #poc rage #angry poetry #blm

11 notes · View notes

dear-older-brother · 5 months

Text

Holidays are for family

I know that much is true

But how do you love a family

That is so unalike to you

How do you give gifts

To so many strangers

When you know how you think

Would put yourself in danger

How do you laugh

At jokes and fun games

When the words that they throw

Bring you nothing but shame

When your ‘family’ sees

You slink off to your room

Suddenly they protest

All your holiday gloom

But you’re not my family

You’re only so by blood

It doesn’t matter the season

I’ll never feel loved

#feminine rage #spilled writing #spilled ink #spilled poetry #poetry #sad christmas #christmas blues

6 notes · View notes

dear-older-brother · 9 months

Text

When a man is angry, it is terrifying

Because he is so loud

But when he is done, it will be quiet

And you can clean up after him

When a woman is angry, it is terrifying

Because she is so quiet

But when she is done, it stays quiet

And she cleans up after herself

#poem #poetry #new poet #man vs woman #battle of the sexes #anger #rage #spilled ink

5 notes · View notes

dear-older-brother · 1 year

Text

Dear Older Brother,

It’s been a while since I’ve written to you. I haven’t had much to tell you. I feel like you don’t really care enough for me to have you know about it.

I dropped out of college. I lost all my friends from high school. I made 2 more trips to the psych ward. I’ve been with the same therapist for a little over a year now. And I learned that you abused me.

Every time I would tell people all the cruel things you said to me after the accident, they all said it was just how boys let out their emotions. My current therapist was the first person to every deem it as abuse?

But why did I have to be the target? Why did I have to be told that I would die alone with no friends or family for cared? Why was I always belittled for telling a joke you didn’t like? Why was every simple question met with yelling and swearing in response?

Don’t you know I was hurting to? I hurt for myself just as much as I hurt for you and Mom and Dad. I was scared- every single day- that something would go even more wrong that it already had.

I remember the day my test results came back. When the doctor told Mom that I have the same disability you do. I remember what book I was reading. I remember the red shirt Mom had on and the model watch Dad used to have. I remember hearing the words pass through my head and feeling every ounce of my spirit burn away. And the one person I wanted the most hated me for things outside of my control.

We were the closest friends as kids. We read the same books and watched the same shows and played the same games. We never drifted apart. And then you just decided to push me as far away as possible.

That’s fine. I’m done trying. If you don’t want to fix what you did, I’ll stop trying to come back to you.

This is my last letter to you

Goodbye, Nathaniel

Love,

Younger Sister

#dear older brother #letter for him #older brother #younger sister

1 note · View note

dear-older-brother · 4 years

Text

Dear Older Brother,

I tried to end myself two weeks ago. I was in the hospital for a few days. The isolation of the world was becoming too much for me.

Did you ever notice the pain I was in? This isn’t the first time I’ve struggled like this. I haven’t felt normal for years. I miss you and how everything was and the world just keeps getting worse.

I don’t really know what the point of this letter was. I know you were there but you didn’t really react to anything. I just needed to write it down I suppose.

- Younger Sister

#dear older brother #letters to him #letter to him #letter for him #older brother #younger sister #vent writing

9 notes · View notes

dear-older-brother · 5 years

Text

Dear Older Brother,

I’ve been at college for a bit over a month now. It’s been going well. I miss home from time to time, but I’ll be visiting in a few days. Dad says we got new neighbors, but I hope that’s the only big change back there.

Mom says the two jobs you work are going well. They keep you out of the house which she thinks is good. Plus, you’re making money for when you finally get things figured out for yourself.

I made a friend here at school. He’s a lot like you- how you used to be. He makes me laugh and knows how to help me out whenever I feel upset. I never thought I would want to replace you, but I guess I never noticed just how badly I was missing you. I’m sorry I’m not telling you this in person. I just never know how you’ll react to some things.

I’ll see you in a week, Older Brother.

Love,

Younger Sister

#dear older brother #letters #letter #letter to him #letter for him #personal #writing #my writing #older brother #younger sister #college #replacement

0 notes

dear-older-brother · 5 years

Text

Dear Older Brother,

I graduated a few weeks ago. I got out of high school after some of the worst years of my life. Did you ever notice my struggle? You were only a year ahead of me, but we haven’t been close in so long. I rode in the car with you every day and you never saw when I would start crying or pick at my fresh scabs. Do you know how much I hurt during high school?

I’m leaving for college in a few months. I won’t be far, but I won’t be home. Will you miss me? I’m not sure if I’ll miss you. We haven’t been close in so long. Maybe the distance won’t change anything. I don’t know.

I miss you now.

Younger Sister

#letters to him #dear older brother #older brother #younger sister #spilled writing #my writing

0 notes

dear-older-brother · 5 years

Text

Dear Older Brother,

You’ve actually done something good. You’re taking a step in the right direction. You’re heading towards a possible future.

Mom and Dad aren’t talking about what happens if this doesn’t go how you want. I get why. Any sights of doubt or discouragement and you won’t go through with it. I’m trying to stay positive too. I want this to go well for you.

Mom says that you’re doing it because of me, and maybe she’s right. Can’t be shown up by your sister moving forward, huh? I’m glad to see your cometetive nature is still intact.

I really do hope this goes well. It might make you more like “you” again. It’s a silly thing to pin hope on, but I’ve gotta have faith somewhere.

Love,

Younger Sister

#dear older brother #letters to him #letter for him #letters #spilled writing #spilled ink #spilt ink #older brother #younger sister

1 note · View note

dear-older-brother · 5 years

Text

Dear Older Brother,

I’m sorry I didn’t write to you on your birthday. I hate to admit it, but your birthday brings up bad memories. That whole day, I thought you were going to stop having birthdays. And that your birthday would just be filled with bittersweet memories of you. It still is, but at least your still alive.

You’re going to be in the real world eventually you know? You can’t stay with Mom and Dad forever. I’m halfway to college and you just got fired from work. Things couldn’t be more opposite. I want you to succeed. I know you could thrive if you weren’t in this town. You have these abilities that you never put into use. Sometimes I wonder what’s got you held back. I know it isn’t me, so what is it?

I guess that’s a question for another time.

Love,

Younger Sister

#dear older brother #letters to him #spilled ink #spilt ink #older brother #younger sister #happy birthday

3 notes · View notes

dear-older-brother · 5 years

Text

Dear Older Brother,

I wrote a song about you. About us. About what we went through. It was for a final, but it’s still about you. The music tells an abbreviation of our story. You can try to feel what I felt when you hear it.

I titled it after the beast that attacked you. I want more people to hear what happened. I can’t tell them in words, but I can write it in music. The melodies tell people what I can’t say about you. It’s been years, but it still hurts to bring it up. The memory gets foggier in the music.

It’s almost Christmas. I know you know that, but I still wanna remind you. Remember the presents we got as kids? The games and movies we would share? I always loved Christmas with you. Now it’s almost nothing to us. The magic is gone.

I hope you have a happy holidays Brother.

Love,

Younger Sister

#letter #letter to him #spilt ink #spilt words #older brother #younger sister

1 note · View note

dear-older-brother · 5 years

Text

Dear Older Bother,

We haven’t talked in so long. I miss how we talked when we were kids. We were so close back then. Those memories seem so distant when most of them aren’t more than 10 years old. How have you been. I know you room is right next to mine, but we’re never out at the same time.

Is there any piece of you that’s still the same? I don’t see any part of YOU anymore. It’s like, I see your face and your body but your eyes... they hold a completely different spirit.

I’m rambling I’m sorry. I just wanted to let you know I’m thinking about you and I want to keep sending letters to you so you know what’s going on with me!

Until next time,

Younger Sister

#personal #letter #letter to him #letter for him #older brother #younger sister

4 notes · View notes