daqthebard
The~unsolicited~hotdog
He/they, 5’6, Caucasian male, bisexual, MontananHey, you can call me trtlbagl or turtlebagel, or dirty little cum slut if you prefer, I’ve got adhd and ptsd, I’ve got tons of different hyperfixations over the years, they’re always changing. But I do love dnd and cooking and photography, and nature like hikes and shit. I think I’m pretty friendly for the most part, and I’d like to keep posting frequently. Welp… that sums me up, ya’ll have a great day, or night, or time on the toilet
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Ok but like, why does this lowkey look hella comfortable
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Anyone else post once a month about some numb shit, forget tumbler exists, find it a month later, then be offended that you only have 3 notifications
#i just really like tuna crabs#too real#frfr#why do I do this#like is there something wrong with me#how do I forget it exists#how am i supposed to live laugh love in these conditions#how am i even supposed to tag this
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I know it’s kinda evil buttttt…
I kinda want to put #satire in the tags of like every post I make cuz if your like me you can NOT pick satire for the life of you.
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Sorry it took a while, but thanks so much, have a great day🤗
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how big do you think Astarions…dingaling is? Asking for a friend 🥰🥰🥰
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I’m so confused, is there a joke here? My entire feed is either memes political shit or animal facts. WHATS HAPPENING this doesn’t fit into any of the three main categories. I’m so endlessly confuzzled:(( help me please
#what#???????#is there a joke here?#PLEASE IM NOT KIDDING#LIKE ITS NOT EVEN FUNNY#god why am i like this
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Pov: your @mossygrove333 ‘s dad
Red garter snake I found on my hike today. Didn't know they came in this color
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Not me realizing I went through a rough fucking Astarion phase as soon as I got on tumblr, literally just scroll down my blog.
It’s all astarion
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#palestine#gaza#free palestine#free gaza#mutual aid#aid to gaza#fuck israel#israel is committing genocide#israel is an apartheid state#israel is a terrorist state
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#gaza#free gaza#palestine#free palestine#human rights#mutual aid#aid to gaza#israel is committing genocide#israel is an apartheid state#israel is a terrorist state#fuck israel#ramadhan#religious freedom
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New video from Walaa and her family - please watch, donate, and share with your followers, friends, and family! Walaa and her family need our help to evacuate Gaza. They are a little over 1/4 of the way to their final goal, please help if you can.
#palestine#mutual aid#gaza#free palestine#human rights#free gaza#israel is committing genocide#israel is an apartheid state#israel is a terrorist state#walaa
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NEIILLLLL!!!!!
18 years ago he played us his song... happy Neil banging out the tunes day
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NOOO WHAT FID YOU DO TO HIM, HES JUST A PRECIOUS BABY LEAVE HIME ALONE
he's doing his best...!
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I’ve… this is… how… how can you make a fanfic about body positivity, I’m honestly impressed.
Oh btw this was made by my friend @mossygrove333 go check her out she’s awesome
˚˖𓍢ִ໋🌷͙֒✧˚.🎀༘⋆~You’re too sweet for me~˚˖𓍢ִ໋🌷͙֒✧˚.🎀༘⋆
(My first fanfiction BRO IM SCARED 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻)
tags: Wyll x my Tav, mentions of sex and alcohol, YEARNING, mentions of insecurity and fat-shaming I guess???, Astarion being an asshole to my sweetheart of a girl, Wyll making it better, angst and fluff I guess??? ASTARION SLANDER RAHHHH (I have no clue how to tag if you couldn’t already tell 😁)
my Tav- Nymlynn, referred to as Nym- is a purple skinned Tiefling. She’s described as chubby and short because she is AND SHE IS ADORABLE. Loosely based on canon shit. HAVE FUN READING 😍😍😍😍🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻‼️‼️‼️‼️😼😼😼😼🔥🔥🔥🔥
─────── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─────────
It’s a late night. Tieflings everywhere. A warmth spreading through your heart, it was the same feeling…doing something good. So many Tieflings, all together and all celebrating. Being proud of you. It’s beautiful honestly.
You walk around, chatting up people. Your voice was soft, softer than most and multiple times did someone tell you to speak up. Which has already got you embarrassed and awkward. But now it’s time to talk to him…
god…him. He’s snarky and sarcastic and he stole your heart. Not like you were mad about it though. Astarion, it never seemed like a person a kind-hearted soft girl would like. But you loved him. Let him feed on you, protected him when others got mad. Tried desperately to win his approval. And maybe he liked you enough…enough to finally make a move.
so you slip your way towards his tent. Heart racing, blood pumping like crazy. Oh god he could probably hear how nervous you are. You clear your throat and your soft voice finally leaves your throat. “Hi Astarion…do you like the party so far?”
he turns to you. Those beautiful red eyes like spilled blood, luring you in like shining rubies. Who wouldn’t love him? Want him? “Hello there.” And that voice…god that voice. You almost fainted right then and there.
”having fun?” You manage to get out. Heart racing even faster, you felt light headed. Dammit you shouldn’t have let him drink so much, but anything for his approval. Anything.
he shrugs, a grimace on his face. “Fun? This is far from fun. People all happy and…proud. It’s awful.” You didn’t expect that response. This is not how you wanted the night to go. You glance down at the bottle in his hands, trying to make up for that stupid question. Why did it have to be so awkward?!
”but at least you have your wine!” You smile slightly, looking up at him while you fidgeted with your claws. That elven beauty…staring right at you. “You call this wine?! Please, it’s the worst I’ve ever tasted!”
you timidly take the glass, bringing it to your lips. Rough. Dry. Leaving an almost sandpaper feeling in your mouth. Leaving you more parched than before. But you manage an even weaker smile. “Could be worse…”
he groans, taking back the wine and leaning against a tree. Muscles rippling. You thought he was beautiful…truly… “ah yes. Worse. You know what I want? Fun! Is that so hard to ask for?”
”what kind of fun?” You softly ask, innocent to what he meant. “Oh Nym! You naive thing.” His voice was condescending but you didn’t pick up on it. You never understood those kinds of things. “Sex! I want sex! Something passionate and romantic!”
oh…that’s what he meant. You feel your cheeks heat up. You’ve never done it before. You barely even knew how it worked. Was he asking you for it? You didn’t want to. You weren’t even sure if ever wanted to. But…for him…you would. “If you want to spend some…quality time-“
he cut you off, laughing in your face?! You felt even more horrible at his words. “Me?! You?! Are you serious?” More laughter erupted from his throat, your heart tearing apart. “Listen it’s not you, it’s me! You see…I have standards. And those don’t include a dumpy little Tiefling. Like…come on…seriously?” He laughs again. You can barely hold in tears as I you walk away. Everyone saw didn’t they? Everyone knew. You just made an utter fool of yourself. You didn’t want sex, you hated your body as it is! That damn weight you could barely get off. And everyone else was skinny. Why couldn’t you be? Why did you have to be some stupid fat girl! Tears prick your eyes as you rush towards the river, barely able to contain those sobs.
Then you see someone…you quickly wipe the tears away as you see his figure. Wyll…you noticed his absence from the party but you were so caught up with Astarion…
another pang of hurt hit your heart as you shuffled towards him.
he turned, noticing your misty eyes. His face growing serious and concerned. “nym…what’s wrong?”
he shake your head, trying to clear your feelings but failing pretty horribly. “Im just…just overwhelmed. With everything y’a know?”
”i understand.” his soft voice answers. He’s oddly comforting towards you. “im sorry for my absence. I’ve been dealing with a few things as well. Didn’t want to ruin the mood.”
You smile and nod, looking out across the beach. “Hey, at least we saved these people. Those goblins aren’t as much of a threat as usual.”
”good point Nym. That’s what I like about you. You’re always so positive.” You blush. Astarion never complimented you like that. He took your positivity as annoying at best. It was…nice.
you give a soft coy smile, looking away as his soft eyes stare at you. “There’s that smile. You could light up the entire coast of Baldur with that.”
…light up an entire coast…..you feel your heart pump again. But in the best way possible. That smile…those soft eyes. It made you feel good. His words made you feel good.
“…thank you” you softly whisper out. Fidgeting with your shirt.
“if you don’t mind me asking…what made you tear up?”
your smile fades as you shrugs. “Astarion made some comments…”
“oh?” He looks…mad. On your part. “What kind of comments exactly?”
”just…he called me…dumpy….I mean, I get it. I do have some…fat on me.” You shrug, pulling your shirt down. He wasn’t wrong, you didn’t have some weight on you and-
you feel his hand on your side, his other cupping your jaw. “You are beautiful. Astarion is an ass who only likes girls who are stick thin. You have your curves and they are lovely. Now I don’t want to hear another word about you being fat. Understand?”
you nod. Butterflies swirling in your stomach. A smiling on your face.
you go to bed content. Telling Astarion you were a bit too weak to be fed on. Curling up in a warm blanket, you feel a weight behind you, hands brushing against your side. A soft voice whispering. “Goodnight Nym.”
(WYLL IS SO UNDERRATED BRO I HATE WHAT LARIAN HAS DONE TO MY BOY 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻😔😔😔😔)
#wyll x tav#karlach cliffgate#shadowheart#wyll ravengard#baldurs gate wyll#bg3 wyll#wyll x reader#astarion ancunin#baulders gate 3#baldurs gate 3#fanfic#body posititivity#wholesome fanfics
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A while back I was kicking and found a quite docile northern black racer, my family(who I was hiking with) hates all reptiles so when they saw it on a public trail they started screaming and throwing rocks at it(thank nothing hit her(it was a her I checked the gender)) I walked over and used a pronged stick to lift and maneuver it to a bush. This story has a happy ending, no snakes or people harmed😊
P.S. my family refused to walk past the bush so I had to pull back the foliage to show it had slithered off lol.
DISCLAIMER: do NOT pick up or handle wild animals in your area, Not only could you get harmed but you could seriously injure the animal in question. I have handled wild snakes before but even with experience, a snake is still a wild animal and you cannot 100% predict what it’s going to do. Hence in this situation I used a long forked stick to SLOWLY nudge it away from the trail.
Red garter snake I found on my hike today. Didn't know they came in this color
#northern black racer#montana#Montana wildlife#snakes#hiking#nature#reptile#snake#scaly friends#danger noodle#herpeotlogy#biology#flathead#flathead lake#black racer#Montana snakes
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